 Hello, hello everybody. Welcome to an afternoon British stream from your old pal Longman. Well, I don't know if anyone's watched Mahler's entire Five-hour playthrough of this. I haven't played a game in a while. I haven't streamed a game in a while I've been busy honestly just Absolutely pumping away at a video, but at one point I was watching it and I was in chat It was marveling over how bad this game is and laughing So I thought I guess I should play it too just to get a good laugh out of it More like you I am gonna I am gonna do you mate Yeah, I like how up here it says the Lord of the Rigs But I will forever call this Lord of Rig golem. I think it's just too funny. Dot-toe That's where they release a giant wall of text right on cue and A lot of people notice very quickly. What are the things in this? Like this is already bad enough news seeing something like this, right? But if I just read out of the Lord of the Ring that does yes as dear players We'd like to sincerely apologize for the underwhelming experience many of you have had with the Lord of the Ring I keep I keep adding the verb. I check it's Lord of Ring I keep instinctively adding the there it's Lord of Ring Do you think when they realized that was there they were like, oh fuck we can't repost this like It's absolutely terrible and I've seen us obviously saw the The apology From them which apparently has a 94 percent chance or something of being generated by an AI But can you already tell like? It just looks cheap like I don't know why like that's your i-card. It's like I feel like that could look better Be thankful for the money Steven. This cost me 43 pounds I went to steam to see if it was available So if I can afford it and turns out it was only it's like $60 $50 to $60 and I was like, I'm not paying that I can afford it, but I can't I'm not paying that but that's okay You know, we're not just gonna shit all over the game I'm gonna compliment it wherever I can for example. Look at Gollum. He's he's looking It's a good day yesterday, we've got to get we've got to get some context shut up Gollum fucking noisy game So now we're gonna partake in the cringe Medium god damn it. I think I thought I said it to medium yesterday if you want to play this game at 1080p frame rate of 60 at medium settings then It is recommended that you have an RTX 3060 this is what you decide to play for a break god damn it mutually. That's the thing I'm probably not gonna complete this game I'm not insane. Are you sure about that? Look at that water the water looks kind of real, right? Like that's how water moves really loving this static background image that uh Fades whenever you leave it that doesn't look cheap at all either. Will there be a mini breakdown for this game? No I'm not gonna make anybody else play this thing Hashtag make as suffer. I'm on board with it, man James Moore is smaller making everyone suffer through the game. I was definitely not forced By Mahler or convinced by Mahler to play this because it won't be funny memes Definitely not. He said you need to play as I know. No No No No, Maulah No, Maulah. No Consent means that both people are actively willing to engage in a particular behavior and express their consent by saying yes That's okay with me. Oh why my friends with that guy again. I have to call him. Please Sekiro I want to see play it. I do intend to play Sekiro at some point. I just love the idea that we uh We play this and the Sekiro back to back Like this is like yeah, you know, it's kind of one thing at the one side one thing at the other collectibles All right, there you go. You got your little golem fingers there golem hair simulation Oh my god, we've got to have that on do we not was it little platoon that was mentioning his greasy hair like it changes performance significantly They set it to offer default I Wouldn't want to drag the games before it's too far down would they all right downloadable content lads? Let's see how a suite here. We've got an emoji pack Look at this a pack of six exclusive golem animations Presend to trigger a special animation Excited to check that out. That's just that's wonderful Excellent. What a great thing to have that you have to pay extra for good job guys good stuff Sindarin Elves speak elvish turn on can I not turn that on did I not get it? Oh switch That's not doing anything. Oh Well, I guess our elves can't speak elvish and then you got your law compendium unlock entries of law compendium while you can progress through the game Look how fucking cheap this looks the law compendium has typos and other crap cheese It's fine. It's really good. It's fine and good. Well, all right, then You lads ready for a new game new game. Here we go. Here we go. Sorry new game roll, right? Previous game. Do you want to proceed? Yes without me eyes are marbles No, darkness they see Oh We done with that Okay, oh god, I've already seen it and it's still funny. Oh shit. It looks That's Gandalf he doesn't have a name Why is he called wizard if he's Gandalf and I was to say wizard when he's already called in Gandalf Why don't we start with your name? Oh Your real name No, I was just coughing bro. Y'all them doesn't remember names. I guess well, but is that how the subtitles wizard off We said what's he got? We said brackets off Bilbo Baggins. I know him I'm not trying to help you trying to rob you you leave the Baxter out of this He took something from you Oh Following the books by jr. Okay, and don't why is he called wizard off? Why? Why it's called called column off off screen. Is that what it refers to? No wonder everything else doesn't do that. Yeah, it looks like off screen Person they're talking off screen. Do you get it? Yeah, we get it because there's fucking subtitles Oh That just cut in okay for years go up never mind. Oh Okay, we're back for years. Golem has dwelled in the never mind. Okay. That comma is off Though right there next to Wraith that comma is off If only we knew the origin story of Mordor If only there was a brave stunning and brave television show Which showed us the origin story That's not how it works, that's not how any of this works Well, I wish I could have rewinding but that lightning bolt went straight through that rock and I don't think that was on purpose Turner, come on. You got to relax. Don't force it. Get a blow out your o-ring drop a lung. Oh Look at us. Yeah, oh Alright, it's already very janky. Okay, so you got it. You got it. You got a You've got to move the mouse in coordination with with Golem Remember how I went to a visit mutually and he made me watch with glass onion twice This is what it means to be friends with a long man. Here are seven warning signs of emotional abuse. It's like pandemonium Look, I got that. I just jumped. I jumped. I got yeah, I got it. I got it cuz I jumped Yeah, I got it cuz I jumped What the fuck that shit's just flying into the frame Like at random, what the fuck? 2023 like the best and worst year for gaming ever Like it's the best and the worst at the same time Then a couple of banger titles then we get shit like this We're just like what is going on like what is what is this year? It's so weird. All right first things first Let's kill ourselves for the fun of it. We got to do in these things Not the most impressive death screen, but that's okay. That's what is this fucking asshole on the wall I was wondering that at mutually start of the game as well It's just this random glowing asshole in the fucking wall new objective the day is near go back to your cave. Wow By a bad It's so sudden this is like your dad So you can hear my keyboard, right? So this is me hitting the D button So if I hold it will hold forward and just tap the D button. It doesn't do anything. That's insane I don't know when I've lost if I've ever seen this like I don't think you need to make any precision inputs or anything in this game But the fact that you have to hold it down like half a second that you see like how it snaps to the left and right That's crazy. So you run BAM BAM. I feel like half a second or something. I Don't remember if I've ever seen this before Good God, did you see how jittery that was? I like how it tells you that with you can drop here But that's clearly death So here's a little is a little tip for you doing tutorials If you want people to drop that is where you put that input for the button somewhere where you actually want them to drop And not over a death pit Do I have the no I didn't buy the oh, oh, I didn't buy the emote pack For a jump, okay, okay, okay Damn it Grunting it's like I guess still running as he's falling. What the he doesn't even have like a death yell. That's that's hilarious Just a dead-end video game, you're not gonna reward me with something This is a 2023 game Doesn't it make more sense that it's a 2023 game don't you think I just move shit with my This is probably set in the rings of power When we came Sounds like that one demented grasshopper in a bug's life You must have had friends one a Family, oh, you know what we haven't done is do the emotes All right, what did I say it was Z? Okay, yeah, it's a pay for that. What's that? What's it? What's this golem vision? But I turned it to low You're kidding me, right? Just I thought we'd nailed platforming ages ago. I didn't realize that was still kind of a challenge for developers Now what sprint toward the wall Okay, wait, hold on hold on hold on hold on what is the point of having a climbing mechanic when you can just run up the wall Doesn't that defeat the object of the climbing mechanic? That I look like it shouldn't have worked to be honest All right, let's oh, what what come on, I don't even get to try and run away Right red Nah Shoot him you guys don't even have arrows This specific area is a force a force crawl it's like enemies over there or something wait, this is our friend isn't it? Jesus Christ, is this my stealth mode? What the fuck? Bro, this is you're gonna get canceled instantly this makeup is making me sick I used to think video games were art How wrong we were you can't make this jump. There's no way See I told you Why did he do the fucking arm thing like that's what he's supposed to do. Oh, you put me back here Let me crawl behind them again. Oh God they made me black again. You were Hello, just press Q to throttle him. Why did No joke this feels like This currently feels control wise Molo, maybe you can help me with this But control wise this feels like a bad PlayStation 2 game Do you remember when the PlayStation 2 came out and it was like a swath of Terrible games as there's some great games, but there was like a bunch of shitty ones It's like one of those shitty ones to control Oh my god, it's so creepy. What's gonna happen sneak up and hold Q for ambush finally. Oh My goodness Wait for all. Oh, did I have to keep pressing Q? What the fuck? See? There you go. It's my ammo. Can I aim? Oh my god. Check it out The lights God This is getting by Spooders. Oh that looks awful, but that's fine Oh This is a friendly bug, huh? Choose golem kill beetle and hide choose spiegel keep watching. What is this? You kidding me, bro the fucking font. I know it's fucking also that font honestly looks like Feels like the default in Vegas. I think it's like a little bit off from that But still look how bad that looks. Oh, it's aerial. Is it I was gonna say it looks familiar Now convince spiegel What the fuck is happening? Why does this look so shit? Spider is still around winged Nazgul are always watchful. I don't know. These are arguments convince me to kill the beetle and hide too dangerous because of spider too dangerous because of race Well, I guess race well both but they're the ones that the I don't know who's the beetle gonna take I don't know how to deal with this Enter Enter That is me pressing enter hold enter. There we go Smash it smash it swallow it home. You just need some fedora One the occupant Master friend You don't have any friends Nobody likes you Golem won the argument. Oh Bro, I was a golem game. What? Oh, no, what if we bump into the Spooder? They really want him, huh? I just tech smaller. I said I hate you so much Use golems intuition and height and said this is his heightened senses. It is a Batman mode. I Thought so this game was delayed three times The violence are coming for you. Oh No Dico it's cock fucking black and white movie Run golem run No I'm guessing that was just gonna happen no matter what Yeah, you grab that wood They brought you to him didn't they know The Dark Lord he looks funny too. What did you tell him? Oh my Such a fucking stone face He looks plastic Gandalf is like in the flashback Black pits the first never mind What can I take it? What? My name ain't Grashnag Talk to cruel orc Somehow I feel like the narrator is biased. What are you called? frail man Imagine who's like shut the fuck up frail. Look at you. It's fascinating to play these kinds of games because As much as they can pretend as though they have some level of finish Just by playing it. You can you can feel the amount of how much this game is not fucking done. Look at that fucking fire 2023 $70 and you get fire like that There's so many jokes I want to make but I'm not gonna Imagine if this game was your introduction to Lord of the Rings that would be horrible Never entertain that that could be a thing that happens. That's just cruel and unusual. I jump over there. Is it gonna kill me? The death animation is so funny Oh, what's with the random frame drop stop? Why nothing is happening? Just uh, take all the loading screens you need. Okay game Christ, this is actually like the fast way to get around isn't it? Hey everyone You're all just here. I guess, you know because Does it at all feel like all these environments? They just they've just dropped people in randomly. They don't do anything Look at the man's running animation Because look at it as fast as you can They let you starve if you're slow the beasts Look at Find the cover get to high ground if you can they don't have the best eyes Open the pans and lure them in there Then quiz like his shits at shit in his pants All right. That's right. He's just desperately trying to not let it run down his legs Called the cunt. Did you call me a cunt? Oh my god. Why are you lagging all of a sudden? Was it because I turned off that texture thing? Oh come on so It didn't give me an option to activate it. Fucking hell. Okay. Let me have a look at how this lever works, shall we? Okay, I thought he said that this one can be broke shut up I don't care Don't stand inside the lever. Just can you please just fucking pull the lever? Thank you But what is this? Why why is it built this way guys? Oh Never expected to be game over it just is You gotta you gotta go you gotta go inside to the cage and then the beat the beast is gonna go after you and then When the beast is going after you because you're the bait, but you don't want to be the bait But you're the bait you gotta lure the beast into into the cage and then when when it's into the cage You need to hit the lever to lower the cage to trap it in the cage But the other beast it likes to destroy the lever So so if it destroys the lever and you can't trap the beast in the cage There's another lever on the on the top of the cage So you need to go to the top of the cage to pull the other lever To trap the beast because the beast is just gonna fucking sit there in a fucking cage I'll tell you about the fucking lever Oh my god, as what are you doing to yourself playing this awful game? It's molest fault Like there's nothing here except that weird clunky ass minigame. We just played Do you know what I mean? There's no like Let's call it environmental storytelling for one Characters that are like just getting on with doing things. They all just like dropped in and do nothing Oh, so holy shit. This is so fucking boring like I'm just Oh Do you like Brett too? See this is a lived in World he's doing his little slave chores Now to be fair I'd seen this before But this is unacceptable What the fuck look at that they're clipping off and just disappearing Those guys are like phasing through like how did this happen? I feel like anyone with an extra 10 minutes could make this better than it is What happened? Are they ghosts? That is so beyond unacceptable Imagine you'd paid a company to make this game and then you saw this You feel like you've got to be fucking kidding me I'm tempted to go fucking like you know boot up third age and have a look in the distant areas of that and see what it looks like Because mother of fucking god Unacceptable, but hilarious at the same time. I suppose. What have you got to say? Oh I don't want to look down there They're just clipping. Oh, look at these ones down there This one just disappeared Why is there just random lights? flying around Oh, it's so gross Look at this. This guy's just Is he walking backwards? Oh Just be nice for some more freedom, you know, do you see how jittery that shit is? Oh I have four weeks, but what did you see how I fucking bound to that ladder? It's like You're doing it. I am but I I don't feel like I'm doing it Someone marked this game to make oh god. Oh, no, I got the stanky leg What the He was just like just crabbing his own ass or something three three three So aggressive three don't break with the two dollars says it takes about 20 hours No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no At least there's no water 10 out of 10 ign What did give what did ign give this game? I'm actually curious now ign Golem a four out of 10. You're full of shit Yeah, this feels like they made the map and then they were like fuck we need something to actually do You know like what if what if you just have to go all over the map? This is essentially what you do right when you create eight tags to collect and you put them in all corners of the map It's uh, yeah, it's true. It's true. That's how it goes Like it's just a golem copy in the hand or something The thing is uh, the more familiar I get with this game the more I am very acutely aware of how easily I can kill golem at any moment And as much as that's funny, I don't want to have to find all the tags again, you know I am incredible. That's true Oh, oh fuck off I should have eaten a fish that I would have been fine Hey, where are you pointing at? Oh shit That was her investigation complete now. What's gonna happen. Are you just gonna Walk somewhere and then stop? How far did they animate this? Come on. What did you do developers show me? You're just gonna walk up here and stand is that it I fucking hate you Why? Why do you want me to believe you're a video game when you're not even trying? What happened? You'll have to your foot over there. Holy fuck That thing is broken. You're gonna die tomorrow. You can't do any work Look at his foot is bent It's like prison cell door open guy just standing in the center of it doing nothing looks the same as several thousand other people You've seen Whoa, look at him standing there looking at the wall Hello Isn't this crazy good? Why am I even looking around as if there's only oh, I guess we don't Ah that face blonde though He did like a little I've seen people shoot the whole night staring out that window all dead Wow, that beard it's just what are you looking at the way the gate Oh, yes That beautiful gate It's straight out of lookboards There it is Opening to the chime of a bell. I could show you the way if you want to see for yourself. That beard is so funny Hey mom, it's me. I just wanted to call to say I love you Having a bad day. I'm just in the middle of a stream at the moment But I I just I just thought I called you to say that I loved you they get to to laugh mercilessly at how bad this game is And how it's driving me crazy And I unfortunately have to actually play it. There's this guy called mauler He used to be a friend of mine And he told me to play it He's not my friend anymore Dude Can you see how many of them are all fucking script like obviously this is just randomly generated or some shit and it's just broken They're all in the walls Why it would look better with nothing here just remove them That must be the cracker Can't say that weird column. It's fucking slow Am I alive? I just fell further than I ever have You didn't set off the bomb. Oh shit. Did I not? Hang on. I'll kill myself Oh, it's feet and I was no no no And a camera change would not make that happen. I just fell through the goddamn platform into the lava Ah sudden hell brand not I wasn't looking at the screen I was just walking forward So you can see there are some there are stakes in this Broke me a silver leaf last night. Look at his face Look at the guy on the left right if he speaks he just opens Now speaking again, that was fucking hilarious. You couldn't even be bothered to make it go like They have worse lip sync than muppets. I'm only holding forward by the way Oh, that's way better than it was before what? Wait wait, maybe it's a later one. There it is. Broke me a silver leaf. They gave up They gave up They animated the first bit that they stopped They were like no one's gonna listen to it beyond the first sentence. Come on. No, no, no, no. Oh, shit. Okay. We're good He's still It's like a tentacle. What the fuck my god It's like out of focus and his mouth's not even moving You gave up again railmans beard is epic. You know, I think you're right Oh, do you see that the the red shit on me just blooped off I guess that hit me That's some great hit boxes buddy, buddy boy. So bad. Yeah, this this is like I said I didn't realize this was actually considered like acceptable by any company ever Imagine being the ones that like developed this you'd be like guys. We can't you actually can't release this Someone else like it but we've got to contractually it's like we can't it would be better to release nothing So an objective in the game Uh, I I think the objective is uh, let's see if you can not commit suicide This is why like I I fucking can't stand it when people are like, oh You know Dead space remake or ragnarok. They're they're okay. It's like Good god. Have you seen how low it can go? No, boy. Stop. It's too low. You're back bone can't take it I think y'all would rather watch me, um play elden ring to be honest You're nothing to me now Was that some hit scandal? Oh So bad Why You didn't have to make it this way Just go forward What are you doing? Oh, come on. Just snap a um, uh, that's that you grabbed wrong there Devs devs get another job Whoa Those boys can go super speed every once in a while, huh? Dude these mechanics fucking suck ass like honestly Why was he ahead of me? What the fuck? Thanks for that epic jump Hey, what you're gonna do now? Oh, I guess you just don't snap on this one this time Flip I did nice golem. I like the pixelated light as well Oh my god, wait. Hold on. Sorry folks. We've got to wait for him to come back We've got to wait for him to come back. Hold on a second Hold on a second. Hold on a second Look at that jagged lighting Look at the jagged lighting They it's like the ai have been programmed up to a point and they stopped they're just like what do they do now? I don't know Hopefully the player will do something Do you see what's happening the alert is continuing because he can see me but he can't do anything about it Ha you are still a bit away from completing chapter two out of ten All of that was just fucking horrible All of it Golem won't move Troller for put the controller away keyboard mouse Keyboard mouse Keyboard mouse early jumping Two foot Jumping two foot kills you. Don't jump two feet People don't It might it might just kill you. It might just kill you We're so close to possibly going back to hurting random animals or blowing up random things What was that? You see just kind of stopped on the surface and then again was like oh hang on. That's like physics Uh quick drag him down a little bit Matthew Hammond with the five dollars is what is the worst part of this game? Yes Like is that what they think stealth mechanics are like? Well, let's just put some fucking shadows on the side and when you go in them You make have black face on and glowy eyes and then they can't see you look What are you looking over there for? He's like why not better you weren't under the table The jank it saved me. Look the jank saved me Well, you lost me too. So you shut up nerd Get wrecked Managed How is it more I've been pretty skeptical of it. Uh, it's abysmal. It's it's fucking piss What Into a Okay, this is fucking dollar store sarah Dude Come on It's your choice, but we are guys with that shot. Look how blurry that is the other side of the bridge Yeah, sure, man. Let's do it What's this? Are you sure you want to load the last checkpoint? No What is the fucking point of having that in the game when this is restart from the latest checkpoint? I click it Do you want to load? No, I just pressed it for shits and fucking giggles Lauren look look at that in the distance. Look at those look at them Look at them The longer you look the more you see It's supposed to be just orcs walking around Look at it. I want you to look at it Probably fall there not die, right? It's just like The great eyes sees us. Oh shut the fuck up Look at it Just want to talk to the devs and be like, what the fuck were you doing? I could see them being like, what do you mean? It's like you have this whole area of mortal They're like welcome What do you want to do? Like, oh, you know fucking whole levers Oh god, did you see that? I totally didn't make it and then the game was like, well, I don't know good enough Game soundtrack should be that Sam Neill scream. Yeah, why not? Wait, that was the meme image wasn't it? And then the meme they added get give head Why can't they just make a good Lord of the Rings game where you actually get to do what you think about when you think About Lord of the Rings that would make too much sense. We don't do that Over your lofty tone. What is this your handwriting? Why do you guys sound exactly the same? Tones I found this quite illuminating Who gave you this read it? I know what it says. Is it the same voice actor that like does our lord? Art thou trying to threaten me? I only ever wish there to be friendship between us Consider the matter dealt with Which matter the bridge in the mines? Why the fuck did they make them so similar? I can't even tell why Do you see that enter leave and then nothing on take ball hover over it and it's the same Why now it's the same. I have a fucking so sir. I won't miss one bottle Wait No, I meant grab it. Wait. I now I can't grab it because The option is either grab it or don't But if you choose don't then you can't grab it from then on so now I'm gonna have to fucking kill myself Good stuff EFAP on this, please lol. No, I'm not forcing them to play this Look at this man What were they what? This this is one of those look this doesn't look real Golem breathing holes now Golem to the breathing holes No Don't force golem to breathe No That's only chapter three What the fuck Perhaps we should have a look inside your head beast master Clearly something vital is missing What's that camera angle? What was that? You showed the back of the head of some fucker What was that? How do you not keep the how do you how? That's the mouth of saaron Hey, what the fuck What is this? I thought you were saying not fuck brain I already forgot everything that happened in the last cutscene that they said Except are you going to go to the tower now where you have to be there? God it's time for us to do the breeding minigame What the fuck minigame is this? Why am I being forced to do this? Why Why I think golem is becoming the morbius of games. There's a mini-map Yeah, there's a mini-map or like a map and that's not a mini-map. It's a mini- Fuck oh my god The precious just when you think the graphics can't get any shit here. He must God that's the mouth of saaron looking at me such a goober. I know That will be very helpful Oh, no Chat what doesn't mean What is this is this water? Is this like a little water leak? Then do you need do do you need a fucking plumber in this cave? What is going on? I fucking hate this game We literally start the game The fucking graphics like stall out and then one of the characters the npcs gets stuck on a wall like Yep Of course It's not even stuck on anything. Oh, fuck you. I'm just gonna maybe prompt the mission whatever it is You enter companion most like there's a blue thing below the green guy now I was like, okay, what now? Oh now the blue thing is there And now it's over there and lever and there So whatever just sent him straight over there Kill him. I don't like him It's not even an animation at all There's my trunk is help crash net cage the borax use the companion mode to send him to a target. What? Oh come on Why would I ever want to do this? Why aren't they killing him? The crash neg died Okay What What that doesn't make any sense That makes no sense at all. How the hell is anyone supposed to know that's how you do it? I've only seen this one. So I I I guess I have to figure out the other one They only made one level. Oh, that's it. Okay. Why? Every time You are expected anytime. He calls me call him now. Don't worry. Okay. Yeah, we're done with that. That was the fucking minigame that Fuck it. I've seen people talk about how he you shouldn't shit too much on the uh the bird hatching game because that's like the best thing in the game I'm willing to concede. It's the best thing in the game, but it's still awful What we just did there was one of the worst things the whole fucking game completely unintuitive Just stupid as hell. It doesn't match anything on screen. I don't think I don't need will it return. I don't know But here we go golem and again There's a drawing that I just don't give a shit what they say I already forgot everything they said. This is exciting. Oh No Oh, it's all right. It's all right. We're fine. Where's the checkpoint gonna be? And I saw meme play shadow of mordor today And golem is in that game and it's When I look at him here and look at him In shadow of mordor, he just looks like the golem, you know, right? But this I don't even know what I don't even know what the fuck they were going for this one A younger golem Westmark, I don't know But look at these eyes, man. It's so large He will remember precious We will make him We must have it back We must have it Christ Got him got him Bright master Yes We know Bright master came to us In our dreams No, no, no to be more Yes It was mine to keep Where's the exit? Begone It's precious It's bullshit. I made a white bird. They blackwashed my bird Now it's time to put that devotion to use Fucking woke ass game I'm gonna Come on, bud. There you go That that was not right at all, but that's fine. I'm gonna get you a little bit Throw bread. I see this is the throwing bread area. So what the fuck bread was that? See that jar hanging below me. There's a figurine hidden inside. Oh out of reach even for you, right? No, fine I'll use my bird slave to get it for me. I don't even know See my gamer brain just wants me to explore this area But then I remember what I'm playing. It's like, oh, no way. That's actually fucking worthless Golem crawls through mud. Golem runs through beasts. Golem breeds slimy orklings Golem has been paced Ew golem breeds slimy orklings I'm sure would breed of birds bad, but No, I'm not you couldn't see shit. You're a dirty liar I'm not that I'm gonna go fucking up the thing. She's in the room. I'm not that far away dumb game Don't you might be turn back around boy. Hello You see there was there was some parchment on the table. That's why I couldn't move It makes sense Stop spawning me backwards. Fucking hell Is this seriously like the actual way to do this is to just slowly walk behind them? Fucking hate video games, man I want golem to become the next Dark Souls for video essayist But as a meme where everyone has to make a video about how golem changed their life shook the industry and deduct Insane themes. This is so shit. Look. They like see you have to defeat the enemy. It's finally going into the spooky This Oh, what the fuck now what we jump on top? We did that count That counts it snoozing moderately Did they put snoozing originally they're like that doesn't really capture it Tonight Oh my god, do you see that? Like loading those different screens and I love it when the loading screen flips out and reloads the loading screen That's where we came from. Oh, I guess Okay Oh Just spending more time in these fucking conveyor belts than I have playing the game Not that I actually want to play the game, but I don't want to be in a conveyor belt either I'd like to mention again how fucking stupid the stealth system is There's a little shadow behind this pillar. Now you can't be seen ever Okay Uh Oh no, uh, I think I made a mistake So I had to To climb all the way it right Right right fuck this fucking game I had to climb I had to to creep into a room To sneak past people to get out a fucking bird To sneak to another place to chase the fucking bird Have the key To get the bird to get the key To go all the way fucking back To sneak past the fucking retards again To sneak out of the fucking room To sneak downstairs into the other fucking room To climb all the way to the top For the fucking thing to phone for me to go back And we're wasting people's fucking time is Oh, what? What is that? Okay, I just want to jump Just want to do it fast like you wouldn't like good platforming You're like jump jump jump, but then you realize oh wait this game cannot handle two button inputs at once So you have to do it slowly while the game gets confused Lie All right, this is it. This is the end. We've done it The fucking the little motion he made the fps But that was Oh my god Aim for the bushes. Do you think what I'm thinking partner? Aim for the bushes What is this? Why is what what is this like honestly? What the fuck is this? What is this thing? Why do we have a melting laser? You're goddamn right? Oh, no don't drop again. Okay So now I need to back with him Oh, oh no My god, look at his arms Bro doesn't know what to do. Oh god. No. I come with this game Oh step back step back to reality. There goes gravity Trying to leave her up there on the cage. Oh, yeah, that was a great idea Roll credits we done it we did it we're dead There's one way to go. I don't need him to tell him in companion mode. You absolute cabbages I thought I smelled cabbage Yes, they just cut to black and say he died because this that's that's as far as they went with this game Imagine making a golem game and this is what you come up with as long as metal finishes on golem core boat Plasma cutter only Golem core that sounds like a fucked up music genre. I already pulled it, but fucking moron Yes, you see but this ledge this ledge doesn't have a white line on it. So he can't get up Okay, see that's the rules. You see he can't get up on that ledge because there's no white line on it But if there was a light white line on it, then he would be able to get there's no white light on it Sleep tight dirty water. What the fuck does that mean? I Was trying for music It's such a joke And there you go. We did it Never mind he says Never mind my orc friend has strangled over there I love the way that the game makes you feel like you've made No progression to do anything Excuse me. What was that? Did you see that? He just fucking 180 like you know in one frame Got you Oh Look guys, we're finally escaping more Wait, have I just taken a lift to go all the way down To start crawling in holes to crawl back up again Sometimes I don't sometimes you just get turned around in this game and I never know if it's my fault Or if the camera just did a A flim flam while I was looking away for a half a second I've been playing this now for two days. I ain't got a fucking clue what it's about Sure It's like a car crash into a wall But you Oh, no, don't get me. I'm up here. Oh my god For the health pickup. I assume it is I ordered a large pizza and some um Some sweet and sour chimkin. Why didn't you? Got that impact So I just had to knock the brain cells I'd lost out my head. I just had to knock him out my head Uh, did you seriously buy a ps5 for this? What? No What what rumors are you guys spreading? Buy a ps5 for golem No Tonight would be a really good time to call up an ex-girlfriend that you had a bit of a falling out with, you know You haven't spoken to each other for a long time You're not interested in keeping touch, but you know the single It'd be good. It'd be good to call them up tonight. Just just hate fuck them Just hate fuck them Thinking about this game You don't even know what a grabbable fucking surface. Isn't this game? Anything? No, just That's funny as fuck. I love it It counts mechanically it counts. Okay, it doesn't matter if it looks like stupid shit. Shut up all of you You're making fun of something that's trying That's the truth Oh Time for a rap battle Golem and shmeagol time for a rap battle Convinced we got to attack why the squeals attack cause we go down could it a panic? Keep panicking convince golem to keep panicking I thought we couldn't kill mocks with helmets. Oh my god, they actually used their crossbows Goddamn You can't resist fucking laughing when golem's lifeless ragdoll slaps against the wood I can just jump across from here What fucking kills you It's this jumping from a wall to a box. Fuck you Why why do you punish people for being normal? Come get me a waddling fleamer Oh, no, what are you gonna do now? It's all over bud You can't get him. You can't even throw the thing it up. Oh, you know, I'm here, but you can't do anything about it You're gonna jiggle my little golem bar, but yeah Unbefucking leaveable, dude Uh, well that it's no rope It's just no rope It's just no rope It just floats away Oh Like you think you think you'd cool, right? Is this on the section when just doing stuff like what like what could what could go wrong And then this game just throws you a curveball. It's like Here's a crate that goes down, but there's no rope attached to it anymore. If we stopped we stopped coding in Here Hey, can we strangle this guy? Uh, oh no, what are you gonna do? I'm strangling You have to wait you have to wait while I strangle him Oh, this game is so shit Yes, I am that's exactly how it works, buddy Yeah, very smart is not a term that I would actually Use when it comes to this game Will they be a full lord of the ring golem breakdown at efap? No, I I Even floating the idea of making the others play this is just Close to an impossibility I think and a welcome to how to stop compulsive lying Seven tips to stop you getting caught in your own tangled web That was an example that gave me like wait, no, wait, what wait? No, no, you're dead. No. Yes Jump I guess. Yeah Oh, okay, I guess Sprint Here we go. Wait, what? Wait, why what what just happened? what It was too fucking works properly you you can survive it and it just kills you It's absolutely fucking unreal Just fucking tunnel is so fucking stupid fucking asshole Can't wait to see as to this fucking box go to the end Why was just like wait the archers missed you. Oh, you're dead now, then you're just dead I nearly threw a level and I've got the you can't move bug again Nights episodes and I actually boot up your stream and I saw it happen And I thought it was priceless that you continuously have the game fail you for The snap points on grabbing platforming shit and then yeah angrily hit your controller a little on the table Yeah, you got that wonderful glitch. So you have to reset the chapter, right? I have to restart the whole chapter You did literally the exact same thing as me, but you eventually realize you have to jump up the thing, right? Yeah, I did the exact same thing Got up there ran up the wall didn't work ran up the wall try to jump didn't work ran up the wall Try to do it fell all the way You tell me backwards jump, but I think you're just fucking lying What what is happening? Wait, why did you grab onto it this time? What what what? What is what? How did I get on this? How did this what I don't understand? How this is I don't understand I'm gonna drop now because I What see that you're supposed to run up here and bounce off. So let's do it forward shift F Nothing forward shift F nothing Board shift F Oh now let's try forward shift pull back and jump Oh, oh Do you see how fucked this game is like do I need to explain any further? Chapter five still the whole fucking stream has been chapter five Oh balls What never a dull moment with this fucker is there? That's the clip you sent me yesterday. I'm sure I think this is like, ah cutscene What do I do? All right, let's do bad. Oh my god, that actually worked. It's just non-stop quality Oh look, we're going back into the same Fucking area again. Wait a minute. Isn't this the fucking beginning bit from the I've just reused the beginning bit of the fucking game It's sticky to her. Come on. Is this the way to her? Is it bad wait here for a while? Why wait here for a while? We're just gonna feed him to she long see what He just cut him off. Oh no, he's still going What's happening? What the fuck? We're kind of busy right now with a different cutscene dialogue What is happening? He left us left us and ran left with our cart left us and ran Yes Golem won the fucking argument yet again. Oh gee Wait what? Oh, I was supposed to move Restart level Oh, I guess we're the beginning is this chapter seven then this tunnel never ends. What the fuck walked for hours Where was my hang on? I need to see that Did I have an option to restart checkpoint because I did not fucking see it restart level? Did I have an option to restart checkpoint because I did not fucking see it you went full retard, man Never go full retard fucking shit in on me This game costs 43 British pounds And there's worse camera angles Then a fixed camera game for the playstation one Oh Now I can't even know what they're saying This isn't clearly an upgrade. I don't why would you put English? See now there's an English again Why is that dlc is a great question? Why don't we must talk to the king now? I can't believe this they actually have made it so that if you buy the elvish you won't be able to fucking know what they're saying Because they didn't put English subtitles on top of the elvish like that That's some lex next level incompetence. I have to say like I'm actually kind of impressed that they that Thick when they like approached this Navy in dead with the five dollars is just remember this is all for gary to feel the pain later I really hope this is almost done for your sake. I think I'm just about start chapter seven. I think there's 10 chapters Why the fuck is there a bar here? Why What okay, I guess This is so this looks so fucking random. What the fuck is this? Why is this here? No, I didn't I didn't buy the dlc. I don't know why they speak in elvish I didn't buy the dlc. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no No, sir No, sir re-bob No, it wasn't me. Don't don't worry We lost him This game gives you stage five cancer and that doesn't even fucking exist Must have been that guy that guy just doesn't give a shit. It's like hey, so He's looking at me. It's like that's kind of weird. That's a weird rock that's floating around there It just doesn't care Ha ha ha It looks like he's dancing a fuck off. He's like go away. I'm on my break Why I know why are the elves in a cave? Why are they in a cave? We could have had we could have we could have been in Rivendell. We could have been somewhere We could have had some beautiful elven architecture. Oh, no, no, we got these uh We got these assets for a cave And uh, we just like to reuse them over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again Because you know diversity Oh, come on. What? Jesus I Little golem can't swim. Hey, that's only where this big fish is going Yeah That's way too small. Did you see how big that bone was? Never make a game again. You are fucking dog shit Also, I need to jump down and then go back Find your way out fine. Thanks game. That's really fucking helpful. I appreciate that appreciate that uh that those fucking pills of wisdom I don't want to do a fucking riddle to hold me strange for nothing. Do I wait? Oh, I'm not listening. Do I wait? Nothing. Do I? I already forgot what she said Did somebody catch that? I was annoyed that I have to do a riddle. So I was not paying attention Yeah, you know that jump button that I pressed It'd be so cool if he actually jumped when I pressed that jump button This looks nice and peaceful. Let's just stay here with the mushrooms and have a party What was that? He went into this corner and did the wall right there into the wall and then I fell down I could stop It's still playing the fucking sound that it's spinning But it's not actually spinning anymore A little bit more and then we're stopping. Look, this actually looks pretty nice Don't look that nice. Trust me. When you've been when you've been in a fucking cave For fucking 16 hours. It looks fucking nice. All right How did that happen? How did it even allow that to I'm gonna check behind in front of this curtain So then you would not mind if I had that creature It's such a joke and I need you to trust me Maybe I would if you try to check behind the curtain that would be ludicrous Who would be hiding behind the curtain? There are playstation two games with better fucking facial models and this shit Ow The golem Poisted himself up and then died Oh good, we're back underground again folks. We're back underground again fucking a Fucking awesome. Fuck this game. I'm done. I'm done tonight. I'm done. I'm fucking done. I've had enough I'm fucking done, mate. I am Done Um the way I just died there is actually really common as a as a death format and you'll find That a metal dies a lot that way, right? I guess as too, but so the way this game works, right? You can as you're crawling you can do a jump And now I like I grab on do you see this? This is this is important. We're learning here. Okay I can jump at any time And it'll grab But you can drop too See it's like yeah, okay When you reach an edge You can push up and then jump and it'll be like the the best form of it And so can you see how a player might think? Oh, so I can just I'm like a spider I can just jump left right uh up down and as long as there's a patch of grabbable shit I will be fine So for example when you're here and you think I'm gonna jump right so hold right and jump Oh, that one did work and then see how oh that one worked, but usually it doesn't and that's how I just died See that shit That is why the platforming for many reasons is shit. That's one of the many Aspects of it But the irony of course is that another thing that makes this game shit is the snapping If the snapping were even harsher that jump back there might have worked properly They can't make it too harsh because then I'll be able to do things like I have been doing Where I jump through the whole fucking map Do a flip. Oh, that's grabbable. Okay All right, sometimes I can't tell No Fucker, that's the exact way I guess you killed so fucking much when you when you think the game is in your favor, but it ain't What oh, I guess it was shallow Oh Play there flanly with a two dollars is just woke up at 7 30 a.m As please don't die today I mean irl or in the game because irl possibility in the game. Absolutely just climb up dude. Come on Come on You can jump you can't get up. I hate you Oh, shoot What would he gain from finding nasty riddle master? Why What why Why That's how you do it. That's the way you wanted me to do it. Why? That's what he needs We can't We can't game we game We can't start like this. You know if he drowned It wouldn't be so bad I'm holding left right now. I just want you to know that it obviously matches the way golem is facing Not often how games do it just saying The thing only three people on earth will have completed this game me as Metal that that's it. See I I don't think I I I mentioned that enough yesterday. I don't think I made it clear At some point they just decided During the elf parts like we're just going to put some fucking bullshit on the wall right With like golem feet and hands And that's a wall jump But that's all we do. We're not going to tell the player about this This is just there now. You figure it out asshole And the first time you see this like the fuck is this and then you jump onto it It's like these little stops like okay. Are we grabbing onto this like the other things and you just fall down It's like what What does that mean? It's like, oh, it's the wall jump. It's a wall jump mechanic And we just put it in there, but we never told anyone It's just we put it on there. You figure it out, bitch Oh, I don't want to fuck it up. I can't remember how those platforms work What I think I was supposed to hit jump as I'm glad you're enduring this so we don't have to cheers I gotta fuck yourself Joshua. I wish you were enduring this and not me. I wish you were not me I wish it was you and not me. It's fine that the mechanics just randomly don't work. That's fine I don't know why you guys complain and it keeps the game spicy I'm going down Okay. Now I know what to do It's like Absolute trial and error. Oh, they put me a checkpoint here. That's nice of them Put a checkpoint up here. They knew they knew how fucked up this place is They knew how fucked this is They would have never put a checkpoint here. Otherwise. There's no way There's no reason in any other game to put a fucking checkpoint right there because in a functioning platform You're back up there in 30 seconds But they knew they they fucking knew there's no way there's no reason to oh Much use anymore, but who knows Well, I don't know because you won't let me read it because I gotta pay extra to read the fucking law This actually hurts me my soul the the only way to beat this is to just stay the fuck still and do nothing like Why video games are a medium just so you know We can talk candidly now. Do not talk to me of dragon fire and ruin no more eluding my question I freed his wretched head from his miserable shoulders. I must know Did you hear that? Why is there a question mark here and there's even a ledge to climb up. Why? It's broken. Are you fucking kidding me? This isn't this is one of those things that does get fixed by a reload, right? Oh you useless fucking goblin No, just kill me. It'll be faster Oh Wake up talk candidly now Again Yeah, that works. Are you sure thing game? Okay, I don't have to restart the chapter right Let's try main menu This this is the kind of broken you do dot one You want the kind of broken that's funny. You don't think kind of broken that makes you play a whole fucking video game again, you know I don't even have the fucking question mark here anymore. Okay, let's try rebooting the game There's no question mark I assume a cutscene supposed to play when you're going here I assume a cutscene supposed to play when you're going here. So, um, is that it? I have to restart chapter seven cutscenes supposed to play you have to restart Batman mode Oh, well that just cinches it doesn't it? Um, what? Let's just do it all fast Nothing works in this game. Anyway, it's not like it can stop me He's like you bastard you're making me run so far. Why are the other ones not doing anything? Like look at this Is he punching himself in the face? That was brilliant. Mr. Speed in the AIK with a 20 Swedish. This is the worst game ever not the year I I am the king saw right through him. I think there's a high possibility. This is the worst game I've ever played in my life, but see and I played the last of us part two must Oh, no, no, no, no bro plays Look at this army of useless idiots He's here. He's gotta be here somewhere You don't deserve it golem if you get stuck on this route you deserve to die Okay, so are we gonna get out of this mess? Maybe if I crouch Do you think he can't get me because of the root the root that I am fucking stuck on The whole building hasn't even loaded in there was a whole building here. It's gone It got torn off. It's not even here anymore Come fucking be serious I like the part where When usually got cars reloaded and all the buildings were It didn't load in Twice that was great. It was just kind of craters underground Is that the sound of them all coming back in? Yeah, there you go. All the buildings are back everybody If only his AI could work I could then run him around Oh, she found me what I'm sorry When does this happen? How? Oh god metal look Thoughts the level haven't loaded He's in the floor All right, it is our responsibility to actually survive now Not again You see even though the markers down at the bottom you have to go to the top to do the thing And then once you've done the thing at the top Which you which would not kind of put a marker to because you know We're going to be as vague as fucking humanly possible then you got to go down to the marker And and then and and only then would you go down to the market and do the thing and the added thing Does it prop the thing that happens to the thing and the thing? So easy I could have started streaming like an hour ago But I was procrastinating so hard because I just didn't want to I was watching me actually play and it's just like just boring stuff coming up I think I'm gonna have to burn the pc after this game I think I need I I don't think the pc I think it's it's too contaminated Hey Mola, this might be of assistance try pressing control alt delete and then click on lord of the rings golem And then end task mate. That might be it. Yeah. We'll have to see about that. Hello Well, that sounds like absolute pain Because I am currently just uh I need to probably look at all the stink lines to figure out Where exactly all of these are supposed to go oh one's correct As they don't some people until they play it they don't know, you know Until they play the game they don't know Oh one, that's right. Oh, all right. Oh, yeah, she'll for the feathers. Okay, so which one of these have I not done Oh knife, all right, they do it Done now. I mean she didn't seem to complain Riddle game I thought it was oh wait now I got an achievement one All right, I missed the thing whatever Bye What am I gonna do to celebrate after I finish the game? I'm gonna I'm gonna fuck I'm gonna wank myself into oblivion Lull mal to sleep make mal leave Golem mode, baby. I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm gonna get a starless night nice and dark so that you can't see me strangling her No, no faces nice starless night. Not a single piercing spark No stars That's not a good omen. How the fuck am I supposed to know that? Okay Do it do it Wow you loser I'll just I I don't care Little squirrels They're all just like They are high elves now Wow, that explains it. Look at his face I visited him once He didn't know that I had you know that they're like come on though. We got the lip sync right come on And the elves are supposed to be beautiful Why do their faces look like melted butter? Yep, there we go It looked like he slipped on them Or whatever that was like headbutt in the floor What's really funny about it is it refreshes my health? So now I can actually make that jump like I can take the damage, you know Or that could happen instead fine Very special stone this one. She didn't even speak She just oh nice dialogue And but I was just standing there What now now nothing. What was that you had to do? The subtitles playing that was it You felt nothing Why is gone let to roam free after all the things he's done so far because we got to have a video game But they don't know how else to do it. Damn it Beast man The sorcerer sent us to find golem I'll go fuck yourself you fucking fuck fuck Okay, I'm just still on the ladder Yeah, um, um, this is it for me. Where am I going orange doll, I guess Oh, whatever You guys even get me in water I'm clearly here. Oh no, they shoot things Oh Jesus The game for whatever reason won't let me go over there because it would be fucking logical jump We are navigating this place Oh, that didn't look right at all Pro please I'm glad it's pitch fucking black again and you can't see what the fuck You're meant to be fucking Well game game if you could Let me fucking see Then maybe maybe You know, we could judge things a little bit better But because you you won't let us fucking see anything Because it's so dark and fucking dingy everywhere They make critical fucking jumps and moves Fucking see anything So you know, normally when you you go around go over these like roots and panches or whatever They're normally like attached pretty naturally to these trees But look at this one. This is just like a like a a thick branch That seems like it's just attached Like to the tree like if this is the tree This branch. I'm standing over and I was just like Branch walk on it platform now. Hey, you know those orcs. You just avoided. Yeah Now it's elves and you're doing the same thing Are we still looking for that stupid mel bitch? I don't fucking why I don't care Wait, hang on. Oh, these are enemies now. I thought we're homies. I don't I thought we were home Just go just go you little shit. Just get the fuck out of here You can stop anytime Mike. You fucking take that passive aggressive attitude of you Turn around stick your hand through your fucking legs And show it up Oh long go finished very well. What's what's going on there? Oh, no, he died. I'm so sad that this random elf died Boys Locke balls Locke balls Locke balls Locke balls 25 males suffer from lost balls And I'm glad that this game is where erasing awareness. Yes That is about the gayest thing I've ever heard Locke balls That's the only joy this game can give you Locke balls is two-hour-ish worth of games there. Fuck off. There's no way This no I've been streaming for two hours when I checked the long play. There was like three hours left Oh god, maybe I am finishing that bottle of vodka tonight I have street fighter six on my hard drive ready to go I could play an actual video game But what am I doing? I'm getting drunk playing this piece of shit Each one of them. That's your last arrow and there are many more of us behind me Well, if I could fucking line up a shot So So I'm sure this is supposed to be a crossbow But don't tell me this doesn't look like he's just holding a fucking shotgun right now Or a rifle Why why did that happen? Why why did that happen? I was just walking. I'm walking here Just run run you little shit. Fuck It is an insult that they demand a AAA pricing for this game. It's it's insane to me It's just it's just what Mola did the Mola just brute force this as well Because I gotta go switch a thing Yeah, yeah, I fucking this takes so long to do so little Shut up golem. Look. It's that one on the left hand. Hmm It's that one on the left hand side literally where it says switch left. This seems to be a but I can't no I can't stop because they They fucking text like how fucked is it because this is the correct thing to do right this one coming up this Because this is the deer but But now the golem thinks it looks like a leaf So does that mean that we need to actually make it the other one try suicide How about that? How about that? How about if we just tried suicide? Yeah Yeah, I don't know why that didn't work the first time I mean, this is golem lord the ring golem. So Fucking stupid retarded fucking game They're gonna go up and down this like a fucking yo-yo Or sorry game is difficult to jump when you can't see what you're fucking doing Because your camera angles are so fucking shit You don't realize that at the end of the game it should be a culmination of everything that you fucking learned Not the addition As something fucking new game wait Quake do this again. I fucking do this again I would have tried this before No, it's a game so they finally have moving platforms like this by the way, which I've expected them to have in this game this whole time We finally have them And you believe it He's not grabbing it anymore, but it tells me to drop with the And the jests is it orcs will find another way soon another way when this is the only way in I can't I need this to be over. I can't make my my psyche can't And much more of this Okay Sounds of pain Okay, so how did you hurt yourself? I'm really curious Above the well the blazing orb fueled by wind and water I like the way that when she looks up the haze her head just stays like that What's our plan and doesn't drop down No, because it's so poorly animated hold this hall together. Oh, of course. No, you can't You can only grab it where we want you to grab it Fuck off Do you guys ever play Alice the Madness Returns? Kind of reminded me of that. There's a lot of uh floaty platform platforming in there That game was much better than this. I know that's a shock Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, fuck off I mean sure fine. Just make a dead end and then have the character say that's a dead end Then you go there and he's like this is a dead end I don't know you could have just not made it that way Fucking loser of a game. Oh my god Why would you put a grab area in the game? When you know full well, they can't grab it Because you've made it non-grabable And so you've gone. Oh, yeah these areas these are where you can grab and climb in the game And then on the last fucking level Right at the end you go. Oh, yeah, but not this one right Is this his is this his I can't even fucking tell Oh my fucking god why Put a grabber on fucking every ledge game Before I do something mean and permanent I want to work game There you go It says seduce me You guys think fish really Really? I'll go with I'll go with chat if you guys want remember we want to win this if we let smegel win the argument will be very upset Smegel can have fish all day fresh from the river more than smegel can eat The elves gave smegel fish too The elf cooked it. Yes The one that's dead now because of smegel. Wow that that's why we smegel made a counter but golem one What I didn't even I had two out of five What the fuck all of that was fucked Smegel counted What's happened? I tried to take the stairs What and you failed exactly I can't move it How is mount but there are no stairs Exactly he says Try to take imaginary stairs and fell You see that did he see there were no stairs and he kept walking anyway See this is the meme shirt. I love about this game. It's just so stupid But there are no stairs That's correct. That's why I hurt myself. Hi I just don't feel like Um, I have opinions Oh, no, he might spot you look out Oh, no, it's so tense Quick smegel This is so fucking stupid. What the hell? Oh my god, I have to make a moral choice. Let me make it. Don't do it for me Kill the orc betray the why would betray the elf be the smegel choice What I'm sorry. Did I completely like misunderstand the entire? What's happening Golem wants to kill the orc, but smegel wants to betray the elf Smegel's a sim. I mean, I'm going golem mode lads. So I you know, I got to be with golem every time golem golem won the argument. So We we're gonna we're gonna have to pull back smegel from his simpery No, of course not. Good smegel. Just throw a little stone then mel can be our friend forever I'll let you use the dark hole If you give me your christine Friend When has smegel ever been any good for his so-called friend? It's a bird Even his own bird betrayed smegel smegel never did it any harm. Did he know smegel gave it life He'd love smegel forever. Candleman said so very well. What it betrayed you. What? What that didn't even make any sense. What do we do now? What what what was the logic? You're losing the argument. I don't even What the fuck but i'm starting to think we should go with the opposite of what we think is correct So crash nag remember the crash nag that one didn't go home to his desert. Did he No, the precious the precious made us do it. Yes. We heard that one before Felacious arguments smegel. So it is literally this we just do the opposite of what we think is correct. Fuck's sake We almost lost the argument there. That was close Golem won the argument. That was so close could never let that happen again. Okay Jesus You can't kill them with helmets that was a fucking rule You cannot kill the ones with helmet fucking broke the entire game Even though the game has told you That smegel can't throttle orcs with helmets Here we go smegel smegel smegel smegmo Throttling an orc with a helmet Because why why be consistent? Candleman is calling the dark lord and we don't want him to come known Oh, we don't Blind elf stay here I like the frozen character model there. It's pretty cool. No, no pretty epic Blind elf stay here. What are you doing? Destroy it. Destroy it. Oh smegel You like this as frozen Frozen character model she locked balls candleman is calling the dark lord and we don't want him to come No, no, we don't Oh my god, she's floating. Destroy it. Destroy it. Fucking floating Now so the smegel is her friend That elf doesn't see anything at all We're standing still and because the thing was moving call him just fucking Jittered off There you are. We've come too far to give up my friend You can't grab it. You can't grab a grab area because it just doesn't want you to fucking grab the grab area You get stuck in this fucking tree wrench What why? Okay, she's floating above the floor. Oh my god, look at her. She's vibrating Come on just snap on to it like you always do Miss zelda. Oh god, she's fucking zoomin like crazy. Yeah, you just keep vibrating you shut the fuck up What was why why? You're all a bunch of aunts Why is there nothing to grab on that one side to go higher? Oh, oh my god Lucky that random thing was there What are we doing now? Also strong arm you got there smegel I'm contagion I can't go any further. It won't let me you know whenever this game is one of the best games for just try again And it might work You know like when you have a torch or for americans flashlight And it's not working and then you just bang it and do the same thing you did again and then it works That's what this game is Fuck you bird. You were white when I made you Oh, whatever All of a sudden the bird is on our side. What a fucking what a bunch of horse shit Fuck off Fuck off The bird has been chilling with the guy this whole time and all of a sudden I'm actually like smegel better Oh, we don't get to get the girl we're so close smegel in here. We're gonna end up together, but rip The kuk ending It wouldn't be no golem the chat smegel the kuk golem gets to go around strangling people. That's his whole thing Lucky they met good smegel But it's a long way home And the kind is he's trying to strangle him in his sleep again They Smegel you gotta You got a bit of an obsession with the old breaking necks and straggling people thing. You gotta you gotta relax Oh, no, they actually did Smegel Yes, we'll just we're just gonna lie down now. Let's just go darling Let's just go fucking fall asleep on a dime. Look. I'm just about They're fucking poor lava on them now Yeah Oh my god, it's not even it's just exactly that Do it do it. I just want it to be like again God every time man every time he just fucking gives up and leaves cucks out every time Did everything I could to get the evil ending and still Freakin bird man betrayed me Wait, what? Why what what is happening? Where was was there a? I'm just suddenly there's just kill bird or let me I was expecting credits and then it's just suddenly like by the way kill bird or let bird live Well, I'm gollum playthrough gollum every day gollum all day every day So we're gonna kill the bird and eat it. That's another day alive And we'll get to bilbo and get that ring back. That's Just Fucking end Is this the one of four endings thing? Grab the throat gollum do it. Well, they did that they didn't show it fully, but they showed some of it Is this the one of four endings thing? Can't trust the bird. It sold us out nearly got us killed The bird was only pretending to be nice. It was an evil bird. Trust me How's ass holding up with this game? Um When the precious is ours again, then they all has to be friendly, don't they my precious Very polite to good old Miegel We will make them make them I don't know if gollum or smiegel would Do this at all. They were like, oh look foods Over anytime. Thanks for two bucks. What rating would you give this if you had to? I don't know. That's pretty close to a one. I think Probably it is probably a one. I have I mean, this is I think this is the worst game I've ever played in my life I think this is actually the worst game. This is worse than doxels two I think this is worse than doxels two right now. I mean, I'm just coming right off of it, but this is this might be Pretty sure this is worse than doxels two um fellowship time. Yeah do it One game it seems like they probably have the rights to it too Like or at least they could they have the rights to be able to show some stuff. I'm guessing It's a big door there gollum. I don't know That's right, buddy. You show that turn his box Is that the ending really? We did it everybody. That's it. That's the end Oh Fine Fuck This game goes from oh, this is funny memeable to holy shit. This is so fucking boring. Please end me Back to memeable But all the way through it's just fucking awful. I mean this is just I have nothing good to say about this except it's being meme worthy Perhaps I'll look at this. They got fucking concept art of the fellowship But that's not got anything to do with the game or is this like a Is this like the Resident Evil 4 ending where they're showing us this is what happened next Additional qa they would they were actual quality assurance people There have been more people watching me and way more people watching mauler and ass and jay longbone Then people ever playing this game at its peak unless qa stands or something else so much qa It's lies. It's all lies. It must stand for Wivering anus. This took five years to make apparently five fucking years It took six years to make Tears of the kingdom And that game was mechanically fucking amazing. They showed they showed us the web developer there Do you like this whole like the way it's it's they've managed to make the credits clunky I'm genuinely impressed collectibles. Let's have a look at the collectible. Shall we? Uh, I want to read We Germany created the third fucking right and it wasn't as bad as this shit Golem versus scorn. Oh fucking scorn scorn was I think scorn was way faster I think it was like half the playtime And it functioned a little bit better. Wait, what? Wait, what? 6.1 percent of players have finished chapter nine But 6.7 percent of players Have finished chapter 10. How's that fucking work? How can less people have completed chapter nine than chapter 10? Yeah, I'm gonna burn the computer the computer's good. It's it's getting thrown away Gary's never mind Gary finishing the game. That's never gonna happen. Gary's not gonna be able to get out the first fucking room Okay, we've got to keep things into perspective here But my god will mauler and I be dying laughing in the process got the special thanks And a big thank you All ukrainian partners who kept working relentlessly even during times of war You gotta be fucking kidding I feel bad because this is the product. I remember this part. You're gonna show what happens next