 okay good evening I'm sorry for the slight delay um what are we on five past okay first thing to say is that we will be I've got a guest this evening which will take up the second half of the live stream so John clean who some of you will know will be well joining me when I say joining me we recorded it this afternoon and due to because John has some connectivity the internet issues and what have you so we recorded this afternoon so that'll be from about half eight so any questions I'll start to take them pretty much now where are we we've got questions okay there are the questions right so them as quick as I can please I'll get some questions nice and early okay um let's talk about Saturday then um before I get on to the but to Saturday itself let's talk a little bit about patriotic alternative um because this is what this there's some apparently some controversy going on um this is an organization with a leader no I'm not I'm not going to spend the next 10 or 15 minutes picking at patriotic alternative or britain force or anyone else actually I'm not going to waste energy on this I but it is led by someone who is a self-described Nazi sympathizer now I'm described as a neo-nazi but in my case I've never ever it's not true I've never ever described myself in fact I've done nothing but denounce I think Nazism is one of the most evil right up there with communism one of the most evil ideologies of all time and I have no sympathy with it whatsoever in fact I personally wouldn't fare very well under a regime or a government or power that was Nazi sympathizing I seem to spend a lot of time poking at us but that's that's okay you don't you focus on yourself you don't focus on what other people are saying I was going to say actually when I started that my dog's in the room and if I if she starts scraping at the door I'll have to come out very quickly she's scraping at the door honestly it's one of those evenings no it would be um where was I yeah you focus on your on yourself and I don't I don't want to spend our time picking at or poking other groups or organizations but that's the reason why I don't support patriotic alternative there's a lot of from what I can see the little I know the little I have seen I've not known anything of them for sometimes a great deal of antisemitism things I won't support and don't support so that's the reason for the division here people talk about uniting all the time you can't unite and I'm sure they think they feel the same way about me you can't unite with someone that you most profoundly have this these these profound disagreements with but let me tell you something very important they don't have patriotic alternative doesn't have power what was facing us on saturday and I mean face to face they do have power they have all the political parties in their pockets they have the press they have the police they have the entire establishment that's power so if I'm if if Sam Melia happens to be standing somewhere near me do you really think I'm going to spend my energies bickering with him look across and see the problem the problem is over there facing us literally facing us and there are hundreds of them it's one of the most chaotic experiences and one I won't be having again for some time if at all the most chaotic experiences it was ridiculous actually in in how surrounded we were and being drowned out noisy drowned out something led by the local MP the local MP who if and so when these migrants destroy linton on eos when they bring crime and disorder when they bring rape and if some of them if one of them decided to blow us up and kill a hundred of us that MP would only be concerned at the optics for refugees like all of the MPs we are in if not unique certainly purely surely rare a reality where the politics our elected politicians care far far more about getting strangers from all over the world to come here for a better life than they do about us being subjected terror attacks crime rape it's it's absolutely extraordinary so we were we had this crowd led by an MP drowning out everything that we said I'd lefties all around absolute chaos and the some ridiculous press started to say that there were ugly scenes in your yes they were not by us there's always ugly scenes when left-wing thugs are around and yes you had the masks and the black clad as well as an MP and a load of mindless people shouting for refugees they don't even know that they don't know idea what they're inviting so will I let me dress the sharing a platform with patriotic alternative look I've never really been one for that particular game that sharing a platform thing that's very left-wing guilt by association stuff that's how that that's what they do I mean they've got no problem of course with stop the war coalition being in bed with all sorts of jihadi groups that's fine and it's fine if Jeremy Corbyn shares a platform with Hamas that's fine but if I share a platform with patriotic alternative work we're the same first of all it wasn't my event I didn't organize this I was invited to speak at it I don't because I don't like to play that game I don't ask for a detailed CV of everyone else who may be speaking I spoke at this because I feel really really strongly about it and I was angry then I was angry before and I'm still angry about it now when I posted on Facebook that I was going to speak at this I said I was angry and I am and one of the things that's making me so angry is all this we are so far gone beyond the optics thing optics to who who unite against fascism hope not hate are we worried but what they might think of us I don't like the player share a platform game but it wasn't to be clear a patriotic alternative event it wasn't my event I was asked to speak so I did because I feel really strongly about the issue as for the megaphone the system the PA system that was given to me went off and on and off and on and off and on it just added to the absolute care this isn't you know I've never liked speaking at rallies anyway I don't like speaking outdoors I don't like standing in the street with a megaphone I don't none of it sits well with me I don't like it um I would rather ideally in an ideal world and it is a very ideal world because we're a million miles away from me I would rather a civilized fact-based debate in front of as wide an audience as possible about the most important issues that we face that's what I want everything else to me is substandard to that but the PA system kept going off and I was handed a megaphone um so I used it that's it that's the that's the story um I know it was some failure that handed it to me and I said thank you to and I still say thanks there's a there could be a variety of things going on there if it was um deliberate to sort of get me to use a patriotic alternative microphone um do you know what just apparently things is actually quite clever um another part of me thinks you know apparently they put out this thing with me using this microphone and their logo on it it's interesting to me and I can only be flattered and it's we wouldn't do it the other way around so two things one of two things is going on they want um people to think I support them um I don't I don't know every individual I certainly don't hate everyone but I've explained already what my issue is um and if they want people to apply to people that I support them then that's interesting isn't it I don't um all anyone has to do is ask me and I'll say I don't not no more than they support me um but I wouldn't do it in reverse I've got to be honest I wouldn't I wouldn't um I wouldn't take a picture of Mark Collette with the It's interesting but we are just gone so far beyond this now I watched on social media my own social media the social media from North Yorkshire Police who the day before put out a post talking about how they are to protect our right to free speech and all the rest of it and then for some inexplicable reason at the end of their post they quoted a counsellor talking about how everyone has a right to free speech um but if you're hate then we don't want you in your office basically everyone knows it everyone has a right to free speech as long as they agree with us and say what we are what we want them to say um now why did the police put that at the end of their statement about this a counsellor you know having good to set all the things they're supposed to say about free speech stick this hate thing in at the end of it um so we've got MP Lee leading this Bob um we have police who have given the game away in their own post as to where their allegiances lie as if we didn't know already we have most importantly an absolute disaster looming and I think you know if anyone expected me when Sam Mealy handed me that megaphone if anyone expects me to turn around and say no I'm not get away from me you and start picking a fight with him when I'm facing this this big sea of this and this by the way has power then they're wrong I'm not going to do that um but onto the most important thing of all is look look what we're facing more boats coming in this morning people spreading all over the country though where nowhere is going to be left untouched by this and it is going to bring a lot of crime and of terrorism and for the people I get getting back to what I was saying about social media to the North Yorkshire Police's social media post to the York Press social media to the video I made last week about the press the York Press and printing this letter headlining me as a racist um the responses are people in full agreement with us the vast vast vast majority of responses are in agreement with us the census was published was it last week and the the the migration watch um in an article that I read on their website about it talked about how 80% in various polls 80% of the British public think this is a very serious issue where were they where are they why aren't there tens of thousands of people standing against this it's hard to know the answer to that question it really is they're afraid is probably a nutshell it's it in a nutshell afraid of a variety of of things afraid of losing their jobs afraid of falling out with family afraid of social ostracism of the most incredible scale afraid of even of criminal charges the majority of the country and the thing is this this nasty thog ish masked left and the frilly multicoloured flower in the hair type are all so their views are so unpopular among normal people but because they are such bullies and because they have the establishment the entire establishment on their side they are so arrogant that they think that we are we aren't coming out in tens of thousands because we agree with them they think the public agrees with them when the opposite is true but they think that because they dominate recent election results have shown us and this isn't about us as a party nobody no small party is doing well at the polls and no certainly no party who objects to this mass immigration is doing anything at the polls and that's not because people don't agree with us it's because people are not voting so people are not turning up to protest people are not voting what's happened is people have just said you know what no point no point it's done country's done we have a Tory government that came to government on the promise of controlling immigration and luck look we may as well have the socialist worker party in Downing Street same thing and people have just thought you know what i'm just going to get on with my life now what will be will be Britain is the Britain we knew the Britain that we all want to get back to a sanity a lot of people i just think it's gone it's gone so let's make the most of what we have and in so many ways you can blame them this is tough really really tough i'm not sure what's going to happen in the grand scheme of things i'm really not i i think in some ways we have to sadly we have to wait and see and it's clear it's clear that people are not going to change the political sphere it's going to stay for the foreseeable future at least labor and Tory um if they do if people do decide to go outside of those two it'll be just something ridiculous like the liberal democrats um so maybe and the only projection i think you can make and the conclusion you can come to is that people are going it's going to have to get a lot worse before people make a stand the problem is it gets a lot worse individuals get angry hit back you have i don't know factions fighting each other of course if that happens then the state cracks down even harder it's a very very um it's a very dark time and they shine it like i said boats keep coming in more and more lintel and urzus will happen and people clearly need to see up close what we've been talking about all this time do you know i calculated well calculated i didn't need a calculator to do it um um that in 2023 it'll be 18 years i've been doing this 18 years since i first started campaigning against sharia law in that time i personally have been shunned attacks made um and it gets worse it gets very tough as anyone whose public face for this can tell you it's very very tough to take when when all you're trying to do is tell the truth 18 years and in that 18 years we are it is dramatically worse worse now than it was then dramatically immigration the immigration that we're talking about has exploded we've gone we've had in the last 18 years so many so so so many terror attacks uh the use of the rutherham style atrocities continue unabated and the the thing that makes it so so much worse is we've lost the censorship has quadrupled since then in that 18 years but if the borders are open now like i even i wouldn't have thought in my worst nightmares 18 years ago that the borders would be quite as bad as they are now um the militants violent left is far more emboldened now than it was back then um i used to be able to give a speech back then but what can we do what can we do but carry on um and i suppose be there when things change all right i'm going to get on to the i don't have any questions coming in do i i can see some in the in the or do i i can see some in the um comments i can see quite a few in there okay i'm gonna let me go to the to the interview any questions that if we haven't got to any come back to me next time and ask me the same questions and i will answer them you know i always answer the questions i'm asked um right i'm going to be talking to john now um a story is absolutely heartbreaking um in raging and actually demonstrative of widespread not giving a damn about children and the abuse of children something you know i feel very strongly about i have to just quickly answer allen um in the comments try getting into this country if you're not muslim it's bloody difficult no i agree but the borders are open the people who are coming in are muslims and so the numbers um of people who have no understanding of a western society um and the numbers coming now are mind blowing even compared to what they were 18 years ago so i'm agreeing with you um and that's the final part okay i'm going to um play the interview with john and i will be back on friday with a couple of things um i do want to i know that there's been a shooting in kopenhagen which you would barely know from looking at mainstream news um they're not saying who did it three people were shot in kopenhagen over the weekend and there's actually been a few attacks um one in sweden i did gay pride in sweden and i've read about various different attacks going on so something is coming some of these the left wings pet projects are starting to clash and i do think it is um it's going to be difficult it's going to be difficult for a while um but something has to happen and something has to change okay thanks um to everyone for joining me thank you to john for filming this with me earlier i should be back on friday as i said with a video and an article and then i'll see you back here live very soon take care of yourselves okay good evening and this is a recording i'm going to play this on my live stream where you're going to know all this because i'm going to tell you all this at the time um getting some guests on as you know in recent live streams and today is no different but due to technology which you know i love we're doing a recording a bit early i've got john with me um this evening and you some of you will know i'll just bring him in let's just bring him in and i have a chat hi john hi i'm mary all right um thanks for coming on nobody's um right i know you and i have spoken several times privately yes and we've never actually managed to do have we tried well we did this job months ago when we did an introduction and you read out things that i actually told you right about the scottshire the boost inquiry and everything else that's going on but once we've spoken there has been a lot of developments with things with the situation and uh and my life itself what inspired me to do this was we had paul on last week yeah yeah and i've been in touch with the guy and obviously as you know i'm writing a book and the book's going well with it it's to get the story out so in the last 12 months since we spoke obviously the s&p who runs scotland there's no other party up there as you know so going back to 2018 i got diagnosed with PTSD from being in the forces so as i had that treatment veterans in mind who were actually fantastic said to me you have childhood issues and i thought okay i haven't spoken about my childhood but obviously from my military career they knew obviously what had happened so he said have you have heard of the scottish child groups inquiry i went no i haven't so he got me in touch with him so that's before a readjust scheme which was being put in during lockdown which i always think has been planned from day one so things like this people don't see they don't hear about they don't know what's going on so we decided i've done my statement to the inquiry in 20 the beginning of the 2019 they sent me up to scott and to see a top psychologist who's on a medical report on me recommending the treatment that i should have to deal with things like this was deep psychologist therapy i'm still waiting on that two years down the line nothing's happened so during lockdown this s&p passed through their own parliament without asking any victims or anything you know how we felt about it so they passed a bill which is to offer victims payments which is called a financial readjust scheme through different processes now they said the money was come from charities it hasn't it's come from tax payers money right so that made me even more annoyed thinking okay then so what's going to happen here so i started a civil claim to begin with before anything opened there was evidence getting gathered so first of all i want to thank several people i'm not going to say the second names i'm going to say the first names i've got two friends who have grew up with who i found through facebook jim and kenny now they've done witness statements to help me with my case my friend kenny has been especially fantastic supportive i've been up to see him a couple times this year and he's a really good friend and obviously that support from him has been great and then i've got a friend tina who's actually cuts my hair but she's she's sort of spotting me about different things there's a thing you can go on what do they know you can google it and you can go on you look at that and it tells you different things about things you can look at we looked at the readjust scheme together and we went through it and we found out about there's a lot more to it than what people know and then she sort of said okay then maybe you should challenge it and ask start asking questions and i said well i have got a friend and marie who's a party leader who's really helpful as well with some information so what we found out was we found out that this is where we found out where the money was coming from we were told it was coming from charities donations and things now it's from the taxpayers money so what they did and marie they've set up teams and this readjust scheme team a woman who is a decision maker so you're getting decided on how much money you should get for being abused as a child how do you work that out you know so what they've done is they've done a scheme where people with terminal illnesses who were in the care system in scotland in the 70s or the 60s can get a payment up to 10 000 to the family what's that going to do for a victim that this person's not going to go challenge it and court get to say anything you know so that's one of the things that they've done the other one is so i've received a draft copy from my solicitor in scotland saying to me oh here's your draft copy have a look at it you can get between 20 and 100 000 pounds right so there's no money in the world replaces anything that happened to anybody you said to me six or seven months ago when i last saw you i remember when you say remember an inquiry is not a means to win anything it's just an inquiry isn't it so what we done was we um we looked into it more and i thought okay then i'm going to start asking questions so there was a solicitors who directly put something on this what do you know about the readjust scheme so i then got in touch with this new solicitor for a second opinion the chat rang me up he told me about different ways you can pursue claims against people from the past you know the criminal way the civil way and then lo and behold in his letter he mentions a readjust scheme so the bar system to me and scotland is so corrupt i think they're all together i think they've planned this from day one about this right readjust scheming right shall let's go back a little bit just for anyone who doesn't know your story um let's just recap it a little bit so you were in the care system in scotland as a child yeah you suffered severe abuse there this has now been this has now been somewhat recognized in the fact that there's a redress scheme to give money to children who had been abused in care homes in scotland in the 60s and 70s this is the redress scheme that you're talking about yeah you however we're going to launch a civil claim against the bodies the care homes themselves yeah which already have and you have and you were told to drop this and take the redress scheme instead yeah so what's happened is so they said there's not enough evidence so they found my social services records this is the this is my social service record look at all the paperwork here right and this the solicitor told me there's enough evidence in here to indicate abuses of child right the two people who grew up with don't witness statements did remember things that happened to me when I was younger yeah that's not enough evidence apparently right my statement I done to the inquiry itself in 2019 is not enough evidence right so then in 2001 I actually tried to do something about this you had a thing called operation care mercy side where they um through my GP I'd done a statement to them in 2001 now it's more it's the same statements as what I've done 20 years later remember 20 years later right and my solicitor in scotland said to me she can't find a statement from the police because it got passed to the police in scotland haha so what I did was I got in touch with operation care mercy recently they found that statement I'd done in 2001 within two days got to the solicitors read through it there's more detail in it than what there was in this one because you won't remember everything from 20 years ago then she said to me again there's not enough evidence what do they want exactly what do they want you know there's never enough evidence is there no and I don't understand right so why are we asked to go to the inquiry make a statement yeah get told yeah we can do something about it yeah they're pushing a read your scheme in making victims think that's all there is now that's the only option for you right in January this year now I've got eight siblings all together so in January this year I found out I knew I had another brother but I found out I've got another two sisters as well so I got sent these this is all the buff certificates of my brother's and sisters I don't know them even to this day I don't know them but what we did was I could have went through buff link which is one of the charities or attached to the inquiry who helped you find the siblings but I found out Caroline my sister I measured her myself and we've met a few months ago which is good and we're building a relationship but it's not easy because you've got to remember if you don't know your brothers and sisters and you meet them years later it might never work out it hasn't worked out with one of my sisters from a few years ago because my sister Wendy does have issues as well and what people don't understand is they think oh oh yeah this happened to you and then you find your siblings and he's going to work out not necessarily so the good news is that we're building a strong relationship with my sister and then obviously I'm going to meet up with my brother Christopher and my other sister and hopefully something will develop from that you know and that's what people don't understand they think oh it's just oh this happened to you we'll offer you this and that it's not the answer you know and it really isn't so where did this go it's just again a bit I mean you're very brave John and very strong to stand up for yourself the way that you are so the Scottish child abuse inquiry when did that start well it actually started I believe in 2015 I didn't know until 2018 that it even existed because what happens is if you've been in the care system and I'll join the forces which did save my life there's no doubt about it and so I'm bringing my daughter up Chloe who's going to university this year which something that I'm proud of I've seen your posts on facebook you know so as you get older or they get older you start focusing on different things they think because your mind starts maybe going back to different things that happened in the forces and childhood you don't realise it and then that's why it came from I found out but it was because of the Savile Inquiry they opened the Scottish child abuse inquiry so again as you know all about that so this is how the Scottish child abuse inquiry opened to begin with it wasn't how it is now so we've got a newsletter every month now right and guess what they've done with the Scottish child abuse inquiry they've got the review scheme into it yeah and there's a big paragraph there telling us that any evidence I have can't be used in the inquiry so this statement I found from 2001 can't be used in the Scottish child abuse inquiry because it's basically saying that the reader scheme of Scotland they've changed the law the 2005 law and if it's just for reader schemes do not fall within the inquiries team of reference unbelievable so then you see why we're talking about it's all right to have a settlement or whatever but it's not the answer I was never interested in the money from day one I wanted justice for and people liable and accountable for what happened to me and my family and my kids no sorry my brothers and sisters you know and it's just there's never been an answer and I don't think there will be so they're pushing us tying their hands together every time to say the only answer is reader scheme that's all we're going to know for you've not got enough evidence for this you've not got that so two people have died recently who abused me as a child so I can't take criminal damages against them because they're dead I can't do civil claim against them because they're dead why can't you that this is what I don't understand why can't we sue and make everyone on the accountability do you know there's a football club in Scotland I'm not going to name them but they got told they can sue the club directly because there was a victim's abuse in the 70s the same as us yeah I was going to save the children home for two years they wrote a letter of apology in January this year to the Scottish government apologising for ending our answers but I can't sue them directly save the children a million pound worldwide charity as we know so that's you ultimately owns all the who owns the care homes in which you were abused well so East Loving West Loving and Middle Loving councils they're the ones for those care homes then I got sent to a home as during the time I found out I was in four different homes as a child two of them I didn't even know about until I got the sources of his records so I got to the save the children home was run by save the children in the late 70s well all the way through the 60s but there's lots of people came forward as was told from the inquiry team from that home they didn't tell me the names obviously because of data protection and everything else I can understand that but why can't I sue that charity directly or save the children I'll never understand yet this football club in Scotland can sue the club directly and the victims have already had payouts there's 23 all together and yes it's a football club but the point is they were abused as well you know they were victims of abuse for years I mean mental physical and sexual abuse as a child people will never understand you know I joined the army to escape it to get away from it you know from those people you know and I'll never ever you can't ever forgive them and maybe like you said I'm really the only answer there's writing a book getting the story out there and obviously I can't see myself getting any sort of form of confrontation from it because I'm not interested because it just seems to me why because all I was doing this pushing you to abuse scheme all the time and it's corrupt it's just not they're not letting they're not giving me the answers what answers are you looking for John justice for the people who abused us you know my brothers and sisters I want what just what what does justice look like prison yeah if they're still alive prison and name them and shame them for what they've done but the people don't they just seem just I can't believe a solicitor in Scotland to begin with told me oh you've got a good case you've got plenty evidence here you've got the social services because then all of a sudden there's nothing of evidence I don't understand that really don't you know there's anyone ever to what's the answer to why you can't sue save the children what are you told why why can't you sue them because I did so obviously there's a there's a law in Scotland the high the high court the sheriff court you don't have the law down in England Stiffen so I actually want to find out about the football club doing it I actually emailed the the high court myself and Aussie had to send me back an answer with the religious scheme attached to it go down that road getting in touch with the inquiry they're not interested unless it's a big profile thing I don't know the this open letter they wrote to Swinton whose Sturgeon's number two in Scotland they never wrote to us they must know the amount of victims that have came forward from that home they've not once what doesn't apologize to us you know the two years and I was in that save the children home people will never understand what happened there it was horrific from day one to the day left I was sent from a home to another home because it because as a child if you systematically abuse through different things your behaviors on on a different level I mean it was expelled from school twice the only education I've ever heard was in the high school and then when I mentioned the forces you know so so where are you now where are you now if you you simple case you're not pursuing it you can't it's still apparently it's still open but the solicitor keeps telling me there's not enough evidence you're better off going down the road of the religious scheme and that's the only answer to get all the time so I've got a second opinion solicitor waiting to see what he looked into he explained to me more about kind of damages civil and obviously the religious scheme he went into more detail but I know I'm going to get the same answer from that solicitor because I think it's they're just doing this it seems to be because I don't think they're wanting an answer from what happened I think the SMP will turn around and say we weren't in power when all this happened it was different government and that'll be the answer this is what we're doing now to it's not helping victims I mean so if I got told people came forward from one of the homes I was in right and why are none of them pursuing criminal claims or civil claims I don't believe that they are I've been told that none of them have come forward to go any do you know what I mean so if there's 20 people came forward from the time I was there why are they not pursuing the claim why are they not doing anything and you never hear of it I just get told on nobody's came forward they might they're probably doing the religious scheme you get the same answer all the time it's like banging your head against a wall you think what's going on why are they not telling you the truth there's something covering up somewhere and I don't think the SMP want this coming out because all she's going on about is independence that's all you hear you don't hear nothing else you won't hear anything on the news about the scottish sedatives inquiry or any of the victims you don't hear their stories I mean so there was five when I was five years in the home together when we first moved in there was other people other kids as well you know and I don't know what's happening to them you know where are you going to go from here so I mean you've got to think like you said to me I don't know what you're saying to me there has to be an ending to things you can't keep going on and on and on but for your own sake yeah for your own sake what you've got to do is you've got to write a bit what I'm doing yeah and then whether the ending is religious scheme or whatever that might be the only answer but then I'm lucky now that I've got my own house I've got a daughter who's gone to university I've got my older daughter who I see regularly Laura so and then in the last two years my life has got better because of joining our party you know and becoming part of a team that I love and people who get a message out that people don't understand they think they look at the wrong side all the time it's not about sides it's about what we do you know and we've got to keep believing in what we do and keep pushing and this has made me a stronger person as in writing a book and then realising there's a purpose in life with things you know because if you've been brought up in the cases I mean you have your own children you never think that they've got university when you're older you know you help you guide them and help them all right you might be strict sometimes there's a dad or a mum but the point is it's it's what you achieve it's like you said you've got to look at what you've achieved in life now and then there's things that I've done in the last two years by becoming the puppy peel organisers for where I live and it's been great you know getting local schools involved we have competitions and everything else and it's just been a good journey that way and then you find that a good set of friends but then like my friend Gary who's helped me with us today I've known Gary for over 30 years and you realise like yourself Lauren there's only certain people you can trust like my friend Kenny, Jim, Tina and then obviously Chloe's godfather Alec yeah there's only certain people you trust in life and it stays that way it doesn't go anywhere else because I'm very very hard to find people who trust relationship wise because of my childhood I've never had I've been married twice I divorced them but Laura's mum always said we got married too young it's not your fault yeah we can understand that and respect to us but I'm very scared to have a relationship with someone because of my childhood and things because you get very defensive very perceptive of things and that that is a problem you know maybe one day I will meet somebody and it will be happy but people don't realise it affects you your whole life you know from from day one the army the forces did save my life they helped that's a family for you when you join the forces like Paul's had last week as a family it becomes certain and when you leave the army you find out where you live if you're in a small group or institution with other veterans that helps as well doing things with them you know there's friends I've got now who have been in other services but are really good friends and that I suppose that helps mentally as well you know so we're just moving forward like say you've got to keep taking the hits and get knocked down but you've got to keep moving forward otherwise where'd you end up my sister Jenny um lives in in Venice she ended up on drugs because of this um and I know that there's still a problem with her now my real brother Martin um I don't know what happened to him you see this is what the stories that you're trying to find answers to you know and this is why the writing the book letting people know that the story you know of what really happened to us I mean think about it eight siblings and I don't even know money shoes and nettles properly things like that so that's always in the mind but then there's friends who I've had and they've still got like Jackie and Colin and they've been good friends over years and my daughter's best friends mum and dad Neil and Caroline they've been absolutely amazing you know without them they become your family if you know what I mean you know because you feel like you're a loner if you know what I mean through your life until not until they're sorry until a couple years later or now that you've realised you're not alone you've still got good friends you know but there's very few and far between in my life if you know if you don't understand it's probably wise I'm saying yeah a few a few close people it's probably wise where are you with your book John well to be honest we're nearly at the end because obviously I've wrote about all the homes I was in legally I can't name them I've just put subject A subject B so we're not far off family so we'll have to meet up with you because obviously you're going to help me with the process of looking at to get it published or anything it's just a story that needs to be told because I can't go out it's got a slowest change in things that much that you can't stand outside horrid you can't protest you've not got the rights to do this why because they say you can't because this is what annoys me it's just why are they shutting us up why they why don't they want people to because you can't go in newspapers as you know you can't go into tv channels because they twist it twist it twist it all the time and don't give you a chance to tell the truth because they'll make their story up you know they think hang on a minute they've wrong and the biggest thing it really annoys me is especially about to say the children home I can't believe they wrote an open letter of apology and then they say to us you can't you can't sue us directly you know that that's really got to me and I'm thinking why because they make out that they've done the right thing because to cover themselves up as you know you know so are you are you going to continue to pursue a civil case well I'm waiting this second opinion from the solicitor see what he says but I guarantee the same answer will be there's not enough evidence you'll have to go to the review scheme yes the review this scheme is okay and money but it's not giving you a chance to challenge or get people accountable for what they've done you know I mean imagine years later you find out you've got two other sisters and the proper you never even met you know and instead you know the system which helps you I don't have myself and Caroline's lovely she's a nurse and I met my niece that day as well so we're building a relationship there which is great you know but I'll have to say one thing there is one thing that in Scotland it has been really good future pathways is a charity which is attached to the inquiry now they've been fantastic they are the only ones that support you they've helped with things like my daughter we went to the university they they actually helped us we purchased the train tickets so we'd go to visit the university so they've been really good if I lived in Scotland the support you'd get of them is unbelievable you know so we're actually going up to Scotland on Thursday for five days and I'm actually going to meet up with Rachel from the charity on on Friday and obviously thank them for the support if I lived in Scotland you get more support but down here it's very hard to get that support but I'm saying future pathways are really good and they've been really helpful they will support but again it's like unless you live up in Scotland and you're in the care system there's less support down here if you if you understand you've got to do it yourself you know for your mind or anything else like you say but people might have their opinions on us for Britain I don't care no part of that party from day one simple as that well I'm really proud of the fact that it's helped you being a part of this party has helped you I'm really really pleased about that and I'm glad I'm delighted to hear that you've made so much progress with your book and I look forward to reading it and helping you with because we've been talking about this for a while um let me know what this next visitor says go to get an update from you but look I just want to finish by saying this and I mean this most sincerely you know you should really be very proud of your strength you really should um you're a fighter and and something in you knows you deserve justice and that in itself is something to be very welcomed a lot of people who are abused don't think they deserve justice you know that you do and it's very strong in you um and it's great to hear that strength and to see that strength and I know you've been you've been through a lot in the last um even in the last couple of years with all this trying to get through the legal quagmire which is not easy and there is corruption and there is incompetence but I hope that the book has helped you to tell your story and helped you to get it a lot of this weight off your mind um and well done you know I just very few I'm trying to think of words to say this without sounding like um but well done is the only way I can say it it's yeah thank you very much you've been amazing and don't forget that you are a very lovely person and you know oh thank you john so are you um I feel a bit emotional now john good luck do keep being do keep in touch I mean we do keep in touch anyway don't we we'll see anyone say anything we want to you know so what's that we'll see you in a couple of months anyway yes yes I'll be over when am I over September September yeah September I'll be over um thanks very much for coming on nobody's good luck to you and stay strong as you are God bless everybody thank you john take care now all right um I it's so many so such a heartwarming story and I wish john the very very very best um and I no hope frustrating and difficult could be to try and maneuver through the legal system um but he's in it it's inspirational when people do all right and we'll talk to john again soon