 from our studios from Think Tech Hawaii in downtown Honolulu and from my home office in Makiki. Let's be frank with Frank Veronte, the transformational star of an award-winning documentary entitled, May I Be Frank? Aloha, Frank Veronte and welcome to Think Tech Hawaii. Hello, Aloha Wendy. Nice to meet you. Aloha, Aloha. You know, I know you love to talk and I know we could spend hours just talking about the before Frank because I want people to know this is the after transformational Frank. So I would like you to share with us a little bit about the before Frank, the before your transformation. What were you like? Well, it depends on how before we're talking about, if it's before or before, I guess not unlike most people, people go through different phases in their lives. I mean, so my experience was just briefly came, I was born in New York City. My parents were immigrants. They came to New York after World War II in 1947 and my childhood was very violent. There's a lot of violence in my childhood, both in the streets and I had experienced a lot of, for want of a better term, religious violence through the Catholic church. My parents were also traumatized from the war. So there was a lot of fighting in the house. And so I was always as a kid trying to figure out how to navigate through that. I always thought as a child, I thought that if I could just find the right formula, I could make all this fighting stop and figure out peace. And so I started reading at a very young age because I thought there was a code that could break this. And so you sort of sometimes in life, you're to find a piece of gold, you got to stand in mud for a while, you know, the whole lotus metaphor. And as a result, I really got very, became very intellectually curious and just read a lot as a kid trying to figure out that formula, but it sort of opened me up to this world of literature and reading. And I thought there had to be another world outside of this one. By the time I was an adolescent, I started using drugs and that was a really immediate way of getting out of my reality. And what I discovered after many, many, many years of drug use and then recovery, was that what I was yearning for was that sense of connection with everything. People describe this feeling in many different ways. They have a religious way of describing it or metaphysical way of describing it. My experience has, it's my development has been experiential. And so when I finally, when I went through the whole, everything that goes down with the drug use, the problem with it is I think most people that are using drugs are self-medicating. The problem with that is whatever trauma generated that way of being gets compounded with the trauma of the lifestyle. Getting out of it is really challenging, but I did. And but not using drugs was just a very, very bare beginning of the journey to self actualization and realizing who I was. And I think that my, what I tell people is my recovery didn't necessarily start with putting down the drugs and the alcohol. Where my recovery started was shortly after I stopped using, it was a crushing moment where I realized in technicolor how my behavior was affecting other people, how it was affecting my children, how it was affecting my friends, how it was affecting my life everywhere. The people that were getting hurt because of my want of a better term laziness for not taking care of myself. And that moment was really very, just to facing that moment was very painful. And to me, that's when I started, I was at the foot of Everest and that's where I began cleaning up my side of the street, correcting whatever I could correct, rekindling the warmth in relationships that had gone cold, reconnecting in a really meaningful and loving way with my children, all that stuff. And then ultimately the road to forgiving myself. Wow. That's kind of a nutshell. Well, that's a big nut. Because I'm a big nut. Yeah, it's a big nut. But you know, how blessed are you that you can look back and you can come to these realizations, you know? And that's the prayer for, we work with so many people here in Hawaii and I'm sure all over the world with such addictions and struggles. And sometimes we just can't help them to reach the point that you reached. And so, wow, this is a success transformation. And I'm just so excited that you get to share this that it's real, you're real. And that it can be done. So, you know, I'd just like to, for you to just talk a little bit more about some of your other, your struggles in your later life. Well, I think one of the things I discovered that was very disturbing is I'm not that unique. Yes. I wanted to be a special case. I was very disappointed when I found out I had O positive blood. You know, I wanted AB negative or something. You know, I don't think that my struggles are much different than anyone else except that an interval of those struggles was caught on videotape in the film. To me, the film is a tool. What the film demonstrates is something similar to the four minute mile. Prior to breaking the four minute mile, that was this ideal. And once the four minute mile was broken, next thing you know that year, it was, you know, it's not a big deal now. It's been broken many, many times. The film reflects possibilities. I don't change anybody. I don't have that power. I don't want that responsibility. But what I can do, and this is part of my redemption, is all of those things that I engaged in when I was using and just being crazy and being able to use that experience to reach other people. So I have a language through those experiences. Exactly. But if I didn't have that, I don't really, I think I would, I don't know if I'd have a desire even to live. The idea that all of that stuff wasn't necessarily a waste of time. No, it wasn't. Because I needed those steps. Yeah, that took a long time to accept. I mean, but the fact that I can use that to be of service, at least it wasn't all, to me, at least it wasn't all a waste of time. No, it was not a waste, not a minute of your life up to the point where we are today. But I'm just gonna ask you one quick question and we'll move on. Beth, then, did you like yourself? No. Okay. No, no, of course not. You weren't happy. And you actually were wanting change, but maybe you just didn't know how to find it or get it. I was lost. Yeah, I definitely was lost. And I was, you know, that country's on. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. This is right. But the thing is the love that I was searching for was the sense of belonging and connection to everything. Which, because what happens is when you feel a break from that connection, you start trying to control things around your life that you don't have any control over. And you start acting in ways that are not in your best interest and don't contribute to the possibility of unity. Right. Wow. So, you know, we've got to move on, but I want to just get up to the point where I know you were, you're going out for lunches and things and you find yourself in this restaurant called Cafe Gratitude. Right. And I love that name. Of course everybody does. It's a raw food vegan restaurant. Were you a vegan back then? Or even thought- No, I didn't know what vegan, I thought vegan was a planet. I didn't know anything about it. And the reason I went in there in the first place was because in the 12 step world, gratitude is a central virtue. And one of our sayings is a grateful heart will not drink. And so I thought somebody from AA was being very clever with the name of a coffee shop. I didn't know what it was. I just saw this sign from a distance. And I went in there expecting to have a coffee with a bunch of recovering addicts and alcoholics. Instead it was this like vegan restaurant, you know. They had been thinking that they wanted to, they had this idea of doing a film that was the opposite of supersize me. But they couldn't find, they couldn't find a candidate, a subject, because who walks into a raw food vegan restaurant? You know, skinny white guys with dreadlocks, you know, and a hemp tunic, you know. And all of a sudden this like half a gangster Italian guy, lumbers into this place saying, hey, WTF, what kind of place is this? But I liked the warmth. They were very warm and I was very, very lonely. And so I started hanging around there and not because I was so interested in food or transformation or anything. It was because I liked the people. They, when I was that overweight, when I was obese, you don't feel seen. You just, people just see this at this exterior. And it's very lonely. And I felt like these people were actually seeing beyond the exterior. And I didn't know that at the time, but in retrospect, that's what I think I was, you know, what I was experiencing. And so I continued to go back there. And then they finally one day came to my table and they said, you know, that movie supersize me. I said, yeah, well, we wanna do the opposite. We wanna take somebody who's not well, which was a generous description of my condition at the time and feed him this food for X amount of time. And we wanna film it and we want you to be the guy. And I didn't think anything of it. You know, they didn't know anything about movies or film. They didn't even have a camera. Nobody knew anything. So the other thing that the film is a testament to idealism, that you have an idea that you feel in your heart or your soul. And if you keep it there, because if you go to your brain, it's like, oh, well, how are we gonna do this? How are we gonna do that? How are we gonna do this? And you get lost in the mire of that thinking. Well, these guys were very young. They weren't neurotic like that. They just said, wait, we have an idea. We can do this. Next thing you know, things started falling into place. They got a camera fell out of the ceiling and people showed up and, you know. You knew and you were a virtual reality. Before I knew it, these guys were following me with a camera all the time. Oh my gosh. But it was one of those smaller, you know, small cameras with the little miniature cassette video tape. Right, back in the day, right? Yeah, I mean, the microphone was, we went to, they went to Home Depot bought PVC pipe and duct tape a microphone at the end of that. I love it. I love it. So you talk starting with them. They got you to film and you commit to 42 days on their program. And they're following you along this transformation like a reality show. That must have been hilarious for you. Well, yeah, I mean, I had, none of us had any idea of what we were doing. And I normally never used this type of language. But it was divinely inspired, divinely guided and inspired. What is it? Because we didn't know what we were doing. We didn't have the vision that came about. That last film that's out now, there were a number of incarnations before it was molded to that sequence. Which by the way, I watched it again about a couple of years, maybe two years ago and realized that we unwittingly put the 12 steps together in order. The film is the 12 steps in order. I was the only guy in recovery. Nobody knew that, but I'm looking at it and here's this guy. He admits he's got a problem. He admits his life is unmanageable. He believes there's a way out, but he doesn't see it. He turns this life and his will over to the care of these guys. Then he starts exploring his internal life and goes through that difficulty. Then starts making a list, makes amends. And then ultimately, going around the country and the world talking about doing service with the film. I mean, it's really quite amazing. And none of us had, we had very little money. I mean, there was no money at all. And so- So I understand that they followed you all over the place and they put together this video. Including the bathroom, yes. That was the best part. So they put together unbeknownst of anyone, the 12th step program. So that made it even more successful. But when was the first time that you saw the documentary? Well, the first time I saw it was, it was in post, I mean, it was in a closet, the tapes were in a closet for at least two or three years because we didn't know how to edit. And this guy shows up and he, you know, he moved from New York to San Francisco and he met the three guys, my friend Greg Marx and they told him there, the years ago they had shot this film and he said, well, can I take a look at it? And they went into the closet and took out the shoebox and blew the dust off of it. And Greg took the tapes and reviewed a number of tapes that evening. And in the morning called us up crying saying, do you guys have any idea of what you have here? And we didn't. And so he says, I'd like to commit to editing this film. And he can use it to it. He edited it along with my friend, Jeff Lamont, who was a professional editor as well. And then the first time I saw it, I had never seen it before. They called me up and they said, where the film is ready? And I said, what film? I had forgotten about it, you know, because it had been a couple of years. And when I saw it, I was fetal for two weeks. Wow. I mean, imagine you probably have in your photo collection a photograph or two that when you look at it, you cringe, but you keep it because there's somebody you love in it or something. When you look at it, you think, oh my God, I look terrible. Well, imagine that for 90 minutes in Technicolor with a sound. And larger than life. And on the big screen, with other people watching. And you don't look like that or feel like that anymore. No, and the thing is, you know, people say, well, you were very brave to do that. No, the film didn't take any courage. What took courage is exposing that. That's what took the courage, because I didn't think anything of it when they were filming. There was nobody around. For sure, for sure. You know, and it doesn't surprise me that this documentary won or wins so many awards. So please tell us about winning the best documentary award. Well, I mean, in various film festivals, it was all bewildering to me. I mean, when I first started going around and going on stage, I was in graduate school. I was working, I got my high school diploma when I was 50 because I was a carpenter in my other life. And I heard myself and I thought, well, I love history and geography. And I thought, well, I'll become a high school history teacher. At 50 years old, I got my high school diploma. Then I got my degree in history from UCSB. And then I went on for a graduate degree in humanities in San Francisco State, which is where I met the guys. I was in graduate school, going to be a history teacher. Instead, I became a different kind of teacher. Yeah. Amazing. But there I was and standing in front of people that are looking at me like I know something. And I just felt like an imposter for the first couple of years. I thought I'd go back to my hotel room after a screening, thinking, sitting at the corner of my bed with my head in my hands, thinking, oh my God, they're gonna find me out. And then what do I do? I'll have to kill myself, you know? Well, they found you out. This is your prank. I'm not realizing, yeah, that they did, but I just, I didn't feel like I had a right to be on stage talking to people about the mind, body, spirit. No, you had every right. You earned that right. But at the time, at the time I didn't, and I had the imposter syndrome. No, no, Tray Frank, you know, we have a question from our viewer. They want to know, we all don't have a cafe gratitude in our neighborhood. How does one get started to just even think to change your lifestyle and their eating habits and what would you recommend? Well, the first thing, whenever I talk to anybody that you need, you need to have an open mind and you have to have willingness and an open mind. And if you really have those things, if you start out with that intention, then somehow the universe conspires to help you. And it doesn't mean that you don't have setbacks and it doesn't mean that there won't be challenges because if it were easy, everybody would do it. If it were easy, everybody would do it. And so if you look for the solution, you'll find it. And I'm not trying to be like simplistic about it because it doesn't mean that that's easy. But if you have a desire to change your life, change meaning, you gotta define your terms too. Like to me, I just, I wanted to have peace of mind. That was the gold standard for me. It wasn't the money or even the relationship. It was, God, I just wanted some peace of mind. I would wake up with the snakes and the scorpions in my head. And so peace of mind was like, you know, the gold, as I said, the gold standard of my desire. Well, you had a goal and you found your goal and you reached it. Well, it's a practice. It's not so much a goal as a practice. Happiness is a result of certain decisions that you make and peace of mind is a result of practices that you incorporate into your life. Right. I know that when you were going through your addictions, your relationship with your daughter, your family, especially your daughter was very strained. I think it's better now for you and Mia. Well, I talk to my daughter regularly. I talk to my son fairly regularly. I talk to her more than him. He's just, he's the guy. So he's about doing what he's doing. But yeah, my relationship with my daughter is actually quite beautiful. Wow, I can see that. I feel it. And, you know, I think that, you know, families, all families have challenges. You know, all families. All families, you know. And especially the ones that from the outside look perfect. You know, beyond that white picket fence. That's the next story. There's a story. Yeah, there is. So, you know, in the movie, I know that you told the guys from the beginning, you know, Frank, what do you want most out of life or what do you want to accomplish? And all you could say was, I just, I want to fall in love one more time. And even back then, right when the beginning of your transformation, I even just felt your heart there. And so that's a lot of drive. That's a big statement. So I know that that had a lot to do with your journey. I just want to fall in love one more time. And so we want to know, has it happened yet? I think, you know, yes. And I want to add to that. That when I said that, you know, I, you know, it was the best language that I could come up with. What I realized was that the falling in love part was feeling connected to, you know, to the universe and to, you know, to everyone. And although I have a, you know, there's somebody, you know, there's definitely love in my life. I have a wonderful, wonderful relationship. But beyond that, it's the idea of being in love with everybody. Right? That's like the aspiration. It's not a goal. But when you go to the supermarket to share eye contact with, you know, share contact with everyone you meet so that you can, because it's also, you know, it's not, it's not, oh, what a wonderful person am I? I just feel great when that happens. If I'm talking to somebody and I make them laugh or if I see them smile or, you know, if I'm doing something to help promote unity on my humble level, then, you know, I feel, I just, I'm not thinking about myself. I'm not thinking about my past or the future or I'm not thinking about what's wrong with me. In that moment, I'm connecting soul to soul. And whether it's the dentist or the paper, the guy that's packing the groceries, it's all the same soul. Right. We all need that. We're humans. We need touch. We need love. We need connection. Hard wire reports. Yes, hard wire reports. So wow, I'm so, I'm so overjoyed for you that, you know, you're on this journey and that you can share the steps that you went through and other people can feel it and pray that they can achieve it as well. You know, as I was researching where you're at right now, I see that you have so many videos out. And of course you have to practice what you reach. So I've watched many of your onsite visits to many vegan raw foodist restaurants and boy, you love to cook or looks like you love to cook and you love to eat it too. So I just want to know, do you like to experiment with new recipes? Yeah, definitely. When we were in Italy recently and it was a food fest a couple of times a day, it was wonderful. I mean, yeah. And the thing is, it's not just the food. I mean, if you watch some of the better food shows, it's really about the connection with the, like the word companion, for example, from the Latin, it means to break bread in union. And, you know, when we break bread, there's a commonality that's shared, especially if it's shared joyfully. And I would have dinners in Italy. It was like old school stuff, like the whole family's there. I know, it looks so green. All these people and talking about this and about that. And within the same evening, which those meals would take two, three, four hours. And within the conversations, there would be laughter. And sometimes somebody would start crying, reminiscing about something. And singing. Yeah, and singing is a full range of emotions. And so, there was a satisfaction that went down to the molecular level. Like it wasn't just about eating. I mean, in our country, we don't make room or time for that. A half hour lunch. How vulgar is that? Yeah, that's the right word. How vulgar is that? I mean, really, how insensitive and vulgar. Not to mention the all-you-can-eat restaurant. Oh, that's true. I mean, what is that? It reflects a... It's nothing for punishment, man. And then it reflects a particular kind of or level of consciousness. That's amazing, Frank. But I know that you found a lot of family, relationships and everything. And I also see that you found some time to volunteer in your community. And I'm sure when I see your face, that brings you much joy. So just tell us about really quickly the volunteerism in your community at this point. I do a little bit of this and that. And I recently, last year, started hospice volunteering. And partly what drove me to do that, I woke up one morning and realized that it was just a random thought that I realized, wow, I was afraid of my own mortality. It was bothering me, it was frightening me. And then the next thought was, well, okay, well, what do you do about it? Well, I guess you start working with dying people. And so what I realized was dying is safe. It's safe. Dying is safe. And I realized, I'd like to, I know how I wanna go. I'm just certain on how I don't wanna go. And unfortunately, while I have the capacity to make that choice, I will make it. But when you're working with people that are in transition, you realize you're viewing a trailer, a preview of your own process, right? You're guaranteed that process. And so now, because in our culture, in our society, we're really, we're very much insulated from that. It used to be, we're insulated from that experience. It used to be when people died, the wake would be in the house. Actually, that's how coffee table. The whole process was at home. And the family came together, enjoy that experience. And I say enjoy that experience. Well, you share that experience. And you share it, but you must enjoy it because it's just a cycle of life. And what we need to do with our loved ones and share every moment, the last breath with them. Yeah, I mean, the depth, I don't know about enjoying, but the depth of the grief is directly proportional to the depth of the love. That's why people are afraid of jumping into the pool of love because of the fear of the grief. Right, but Frank, we've come to the end of our show. I'm so sorry. I know we have to leave it for there. And therefore now, Frank, I know I want to have you back when we have time for you and you have time for us. So you've been watching Think Tech Hawaii and Taking Your Health Back. Mahalo to Frank Ferante for talking story with us and just being frank with us about addictions and his struggles as he finds love, which is aloha. So we want to say aloha to all of you for now and mahalo to Frank. Aloha.