 Sit down Matt! Just try it! Yeah, but it's not going to work. Sit there for two hours. We took the wheels off! Yeah, it doesn't help though. Matt is, for those listening, Matt, we've gotten Matt a new chair. He hasn't been sitting in his chair at all. We've been gifting him with a couch the whole time and he won't even try this bike without wheels on it. Just sit down and just have a seat. See what it looks like. You look good. Wow, that's flamboyant. That is very flamboyant. Do you even know what that means? Yep, it's sexual. It means you're very sexual. You're being very sexual. That looks beautiful. Just try it. That suits you. He nearly fell off. He nearly fell off. Okay, look. Ring the bell at least. Look up and smile as you do it. Like you're delivering milk. Pretend you're ET. Pretend you're ET. Be ET, Matt, when you always do that. What do you mean? When he rides the bike, do that. Be ET. I'll fall. Okay. Wow, that was it. You just did it. That was good ET, dude. Holy shit. That's transitioning. Fuck, you're getting good at that, man. That's sick. That's transitioning. All right, kind of cut all this dead time, please. Speed this first bit up as much as possible. Leave that bit in. Leave that bit in. You don't eat garlic. That was not ET. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You broke the computer, Matt. It's just knocked the computer straight. Oh, shit, are we still going? Yeah, we're still going. Still fucking going. Thank the gods for that. Oh, my God. Holy shit. All right, guys, we're fucking back. We had a week off last week, and, man, it was nice. It was so nice having a week off, no filming, and just fucking relaxing. And Mon went away to like an hour away from Nimbun in the mountains and just had a fucking great time. Three story place for two people. Really nice place. It was not very good for the climate. An outdoor spa that we just sat in and took a bunch of acid and just sat in the spa and just watched the stars for hours. It was fucking magical. What was the best part? Probably that night. It was very nice. And it was from our fellow ringworm who sent it in. No, it wasn't actually. Oh, you got fresh shit. I went to, because we went to Nimbun and a fan came up and I was like, because I was just a bit, because I Googled acid how long it lasts and apparently it only, it has a shelf life of like six months. Unless it's in the freezer. Yeah, so I was like, fuck, I don't want to risk having an acid that doesn't work, especially with doing Mon her first time. So I was like, I just asked this fan in Nimbun and he's like, yeah, dude, I can get you some acid and just got asked it from him. And they put it in like a lolly. And they just drop it on a lolly and that's one serving and it was so, so, so, so, so. So I still have that acid tabs, but like, I guess we can just try them and just see what happens. Yeah, let's take him now. Are you down, Matt? Yeah. E.T. bloody hell, man. Anyway, so I was a fucking lovely little getaway and what did you fucking dogs do on your week off? Man, I played golf. I played golf and then I played golf. So Michael just golfed. You played golf with Greg, didn't you? Yeah. Was he good? So good. I'd have saw back that day I was being. So is Greg actually very good? Greg is the best. He is levels above me. Really? Yeah. Levels above me. Really? Unbelievable. Wow. So he's like really good. After the first nine, he was like fucking, I think, six over or not even four over. Is that your goal now is to be able to challenge Greg? My goal is just to... You need someone to... I always feel like when you do something, you need to have someone who's either at your level or just a bit above you. It's nice. Yeah, it's good. It's challenging. It makes you want to play bad golf. Because you hate playing golf with me. The thing is, you could play around of 18 holes in three hours or you could play around at 18 holes in five hours and I'd rather play around at 18 holes in three hours. When it's you, because you go bit by bit, you're worse than like a shit lady. He's saying ladies is shit. No, they just can't hit as far. He just hits out right. Ladies are weaker. Ladies are weaker than men. Michael's very, very sexist. No, it's true. Ladies are weaker than men. Yes, we are. It's a fact. Oh, yeah. On average, I'm not saying there is a strong woman out there who can't out-drive the average man. But on average, if you select an average woman and an average bloke, the bloke can throw a ball a bit further and it's just biology. There's testosterone in our bodies and there's estrogen in theirs. Men are stronger. Unless they're transitioning. I don't disagree. I just think we're going to get high. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Fact is fact. Fucked is fact. Fact is fact. Fact. That sounds nice. F-A-C-K-E-D. Fact. But yeah, Matt, you could just, it's fun. Maybe I should just be catty for you. Yeah, yeah. You should definitely, next time we play, you're not allowed to play. Yeah, I actually probably would prefer. Yeah. But you got better. Shut up. Yeah, you did. Got worse and worse. And what about you, Matt? Oh, before we continue in Nimbun, I nearly bought you something. You nearly did? Yeah. I looked at it and I was like, is it pointless? Well, I looked at it and I was like, I don't want to carry this around with me. Oh, okay. Because we'd just gotten there and I didn't want to walk around with this fucking, I didn't want to walk back to the car to put it in there. It was a sticker. True friend. Oh, it was a sticker? Yeah, it was a sticker that says, Don't have sex with your ex. A sticker that says, don't have sex with your ex. And I thought that would look good on your laptop. But I didn't think it would be that funny enough to buy it and to do it from your reaction. It probably wouldn't seem, because I didn't have sex with my ex. That's why I wanted to get it for you. Oh, sorry. Well, glad you brought it up. Stickers. I had a great day at work. And we were going through like this safety stuff. Yeah. And don't say that. Like it's cool. Just let me finish. You might find it cool. And we're going through safety stuff. And there's a whole bunch of like, safety awareness posters and boards and all this sort of stuff in one of our stores. Why do you need, you're in an office screaming at women. No, it's our business outside of the office is very safety conscious. But you don't need to know that because you're not doing the fucking concrete pouring. But I'm aware of it. Let me get that. I'm aware. The safety side is not a part of this story. So just roll with me on this. And anyway, so I was going through all, looking at all the different little diagrams and stuff. And I noticed there was this sticker and it said, it said, www.mbboxoutlet. And I was like, mb. That's Matt Brown. It's actually Michael Brookhouse. Or it's Michael Brookhouse. Or it's. Or it's Michael Brown. Yeah. So I was like, oh, that's cool. And then I looked at the thing and I said, wow, that really relates to me. So this is your week off. This is just one of my things. So what does your fucking sticker say? Sticker says. I believe that this has become a thing. It has fucking stickers. It looks sort of this one looks like the best one yet. I think. Can you hurry the fuck up? You're going to fucking. So my new sticker says. Fragile. For packing. Boxes. Maybe you should have had that before before you fucking. Before I knocked it off the computer over. So that now at least that'll stop that one. I like the yellow. It's the, I like how it's not Harry Potter, Star Wars or fucking Pokemon. Or even Minecraft. You didn't get a week off. I didn't get a week off though. That had to go to work. That's my newest sticker. That's fucking shit, man. And I'm pretty proud of that one. It is so shit. But it's not like fucking comic con shit. Something else happened too. For fuck's sake. I became a bit of a Karen. Transitioning going? No. So. We were waiting to get our bins emptied. And basically. Bins get emptied on the Friday and. You know, I come home after work on Friday. I usually pick the bins up, put them in my car and bring them to the house. So. I, it was recycling day. So it was recycling days every two weeks, not every week. I really hope there's a good ending to this story, man. Yeah. It's like fills up. So anyway, I got home and it hadn't been emptied. And this has happened before. And I was like, fuck. It was too full. Well, I thought it was too full. Are we getting skipped? And then I looked at the neighbors. They hadn't been emptied either. So I couldn't complain. Who did you call? I called the, there was a, cause on the bin collection thing, it says if you have any issues with your bin collection, call this number. So I called it. And. Is it 24 hour hotline? I don't know if it's 24 hours, but it definitely was working at like five. And so I called. Darren wants his extra bin to be taken. So I called and, and I was like, yeah, my bin didn't get emptied. And I felt like the, she's like, she's, I, I wasn't even arguing with her. Is he swear at her? No, not at all. Was she hot? She sounded all right. And I felt like the biggest Karen just whinging about my bin not getting emptied. But it, yeah. And they said they'd come empty it for me in a couple of days. Thanks. Don't do that ever again. And thank you. I noticed. Yeah. Well, fuck you. Okay. Now that we're through fucking mats. That's the mats highlight then that he's a sticker and that he got from work and the fucking bin thing. Okay. That's what Matt's life's at. All right. That's that. So let's move on to our fucking delicious. Sponsors. Our beautiful sponsors. A G one. A G one everybody. You're probably wondering what the fuck is a G one. Well, it's something that we have every day and it's got 75 vital nutrients in it that make you super healthy from the inside out. It's his powder. You put it in a glass. Do you put a bit of water on your skull? And it's super fucking healthy for you. The guy that invented it is even still alive. He was going to die, but he didn't die. And guess. And it. A G one. The great. He was so sick. It's a suit. If you get a G one. You started changing the formula. He lived. He survived. A G one. It's amazing. And so good. It's now cool. Energy levels. A G one. Our description. This is someone without a G one. Fucking sloppy. That's so annoying. Fuck. This is someone with a G one. I want that guy on my team. I want that guy on my team. He's healthy. He's fit. He benders on the weekend. Yeah, sure. Does he have some sort of drug problem? Yeah, definitely. But he takes a G one and that helps counter all of the negative shit he does to his body. Look at that hand movement. That's a guy you want in your corner. If I'm getting into a brawl, I'm on this guy beside me. Athleticgreens.com. Fully actual. You get fucking free travel pack. It's a monthly subscription and you will improve your quality of life with a fucking scooper powder a day. Can't. Wow. See that end bit? Are we good at market? Yeah. Arts? You are. Okay, fuck. Making of good incredible products. Shut your mouth, cunt. You fucking zip your hairy fucking face up, cunt. And close your eyes. I want you to picture yourself alone on your death bed. You're fucking 65 years old. You've just had a tumor cut out here. You've wasted your whole life. You fucking hate your job. Your back's all fucked from days and days of doing the same shit and not taking care of yourself. Your slut wife left you 20 years ago and you've been banging 50-dollar prostitutes for the last 20 years and your kids don't talk to you. No, your kids are dead. They're dead. Your kids are dead. Now look down at your body. It's covered in fucking hair. And that's disgusting. So if you're gonna die, at least go to manscaped.com and buy a fucking hair trimmer so that when they bury have an open casket funeral two cunts who rock up, don't vomit. Undead your dead kid. So if you go to manscaped, so at least your corpse looks better when you die. Manscaped also for women and dead kids. Fully actual 20% for 20% off, alright? Go there and have a look at their products. They're in woolies and coals. One of them, two or both of them. Right there as well. Which means they're good shit. They're not gonna stock shit that shit. They're mainstream, brother. Go and fix your corpse up. Go and fix your corpse up. Yeah, fix the kid. The dead kid. And of course our subscription website where we post weekly videos of the craziest gnarly shit that we can't post to social media at all. It's fucking hectic as nuts and shit, bro. I don't know what video's out right now, but I can go into it. Fuck dude. And what, is it like 270 to 80 plus videos? They're like 270, like over half an hour videos. And they're just like fucking, they're too fucked for social media. What's one we fucking, we vlogged our day filming with Alex Volkanovsky? We haven't even spoken about that, have we? I think we mentioned it last week, but we've vlogged that. We have a whole trip in Sydney. We embarrassed Julian. What, and the week before, what did we film? The fucking birthday, we saw which birthday techniques. Oh yeah, we tortured Julian. We fucking tortured Julian. It was nice. Julian didn't want to do this video that we wanted to do. Well, all right, we're your fucking taking the pain today then. So he, we swapped roles. We were like the filmer and he had to take all the pain. And also, I've seen like six of them. Yeah, Matt likes them. Imagine like this. This is how I envision it. I would love that if I had like the, imagine going to the best content in the world and there's not, you know how like when you see this new season comes out, it might be six episodes, eight episodes. Imagine having the best content in the world, but there's 270 plus episodes. That's crazy. You can't run out. And if you do, then well done. It's going to take you a long time to get through. And there's a 21 day free trial. So I highly suggest you start from our most recent and work your way down. And if you don't like it, bro, after 21 days, you can fuck off free of charge, bro. And we've got a brand new website where you can comment, you can like, you can communicate with the other people there, bro. It is fucking hectic. Not to mention we got three new content creators that are going to jump on board soon. We're going to announce that very soon. And they're going to start making content for us well. So it won't just be us making content. There will be three other people as well. So it's like a Netflix for fucked up shit. That's what it's going to be. So get on board now before. So you can say, I was only first. I love saying that. I always said that. Man, I saw Home and Away. I was one of the first to get into it. Oh, dude, no, Mike. Oh, yeah. And I still like, I see it on TV. And I'm like, oh, I watched that shit fucking first. I've been on Home and Away. And everyone's crazed when I say it. Like they fucking can't believe it. Neighbors is done. What are you going to do about that toadfish? You know what? Neighbors was big in the UK. Yeah, I don't get that Ramsey Street. Everyone would ask you, do you watch Neighbors? I've been on a tour through it when I was like six. Where is it? I've never been to Wales. I want to say Byron Bay. Home and Away is Palm Beach in New South Wales. No, it's not. Were you sports captain in primary school? I was. How did you know that? I don't know. I just felt it then. I don't know. We might have a special guest coming on today. But I was school captain, which is much more important. We do have a guest coming on today and Matt doesn't know about them, but it's only a phone interview, so don't stress out. It's related to primary school though. That's why I bring up being not a school captain, sports captain. I was school captain. Much better. What do you guys mean? Would you actually have someone? Yeah. Just a phone call though. Who? Imagine a bachelor Brown in the past. I always thought, imagine how hot the primary school girls are that you went to primary school with. Ah, now. Please tell me your bullshit. Michael saw some school photos and thought, man, those chicks are so hot. Oh. And then he felt we need to call him. No, you know when you're a kid, you say that. You can't really say it now. But you imagine. You can't say that. Stop. Stop saying that. That's horrible. And do you actually have someone? Yeah. Because I'm your favorite. Why didn't you tell me about it? No, we... Because you would have said no. You would have said no. Yeah. See? You need to vet these things. What's that girl's name? You know her? Rachel? I think Rachel. Anyway. Anyway. Let's move on. We'll get to it. It's after the Matt vs. Michael. But right now, guys, it's just... Now, I know, so we've made a decision with the Matt Brown diary entries as well, by the way. So we're going to be doing them fortnightly, guys, okay? So stressed now. I can't fucking concentrate. No, it's like going to be a 30-second interview. Yeah. We're going to be doing them fortnightly. All right. So this week, no. Next week, you'll fucking get another one. All right. And we're going to see if... Because right in one hour, last week's episode comes out, and we're going to see if it gets age-restricted. And then if it doesn't, we'll slowly start bringing them back. We've also cut the movie review segment, and we're really shortening, and if not, removing the Q&A section. We've listened. We've heard what you guys have said, and we noticed that retention dips the most there. So we are going to remove some of them segments, and fuck it. We'll chuck some other shit in there. Shit's going to get crazy. And if you don't like a segment or think we should bring a segment back, let us know in the fucking comments and give us a five-star review on Spotify, baby, because that shit really helps us, bro. Have we grown on that? Have you looked? We had our last week's episode with Paulie and Floppa. Like, the most views out of any podcast in the first seven days. Ever. That's so hot. Well, by far. But like, have we out of interest because we always tell them, and if you haven't done this, please do this. The five-star on Spotify, if you could do that. Let's have a look. I think we're on 2.2. We were on 2.2, but now we are on 2.3. Holy shit. Let's see if we get that to 2.4. No, let's get 2.5. That's really working. That's too much. OK, don't. Please. That's crazy. But anyway, just like, comment, subscribe, and five-star review because none of our shit gets monetized. So we need your help to help spread the word. Otherwise, we have to stop this fucking thing from happening. And Matt goes back to wholesome. Yeah, I'm still at wholesome. I'm still at wholesome. I'm still at wholesome. He gets transferred to wholesome. That's still at wholesome. Kranala. He'll be a riot. All right, guys. Since we are removing some of the segments, we do have one of the old segments back. We'll just throw in segments here and there. It's going to be a bit more variety. It's not just going to be the same shit every fucking episode. So let's do some German or gibberish. Hit it, Matt. OK. I don't think we have a German or gibberish one. I think we took it out. We'll pretend to press a button and then we'll all do your German or gibberish. I just want to hear the Q&A one again. This is fucking good already. Oh, maybe we need to change. No, no, no, just play it. This is fucking. You have questions from your answers. Your questions. The old one. You have all the questions and we have all the answers and we've got lots of dances for you. Oh, that feels good, man. Connor, can you do the zoom in again? That was so good. And just to be clear, this is not the Q&A segment. That's just the song for it. We are now doing German or gibberish. German or gibberish. And this is where I read five sentences and the boys need to decide whether it's German or gibberish and the loser gets smashed in the fucking head with that baseball bat. I'm pouring sweat with the anxiety over what's happening in the future. All right. Here we go. Sentence number one. You have all the... Paktun Bainavex left. Oh, man. Paktun Bainavex left. Paktun Bainavex left. You have to... Cis paper rockin' has to say first. Oh, they get to choose who says first. Cis paper rock. Cis paper rock. Cis paper rock. Fuck! Damn it. She's winning. All right. Would you like me to go first? No. I'll go first. It is German. You have all the questions. What do you think, Michael? Why's your phone going off? It's just a reminder. It is not German. You're getting not German? You reckon German? Yeah. It is... Shit. Not German, Michael. It's up 1-0. You might fucking need that wheelchair for real, cunt. All right. This doesn't hurt that much. Look. Next. Sentence. Sorry. Save your brain cells. Grast verlein, hack plume, effett. So dumb. Grast verlein, hack plume, effett. That's the dumbest shit ever. It is German, though. It is German. You're both wrong. That is fucking gibberish. That is fucking gibberish. Yeah, you'd hope so. That was fucked. What do you mean? You both thought it was German. Yeah, because it sounds so shit. That is offensive. The German is a beautiful language. Oh, man. Next sentence. Beautiful. Blasenzaft. Blasenzaft. It is German. It is German. It is German. You are correct. Any chance at guessing what that fucking means? That means we're going to bomb, we're going to bomb Dunkirk again. Very close, actually. It's not too far off. We're going to bomb Dunkirk again. Just flying. Flying? No, Matt. Way off. Jesus. It means blister juice. Well, yeah. Ju is in that word. No. It's not. Okay. Sort of same what I said. All right. So it is currently? 2-1. 2-1 to Michael? Man, I can't stop thinking about that song. Can we do it again later? One more? Do you want to do it now? No, no, no. After. After captioning. All right. Ready? Sentence number four. Schnitt meinen Rücken in zwei Teile. I have to go first in that. Oh, yuck. Schnitt das in das neue Teile? It is. It can't be German, but I'm going to say it is. It's fucking German. I have no choice. Oh, we've still got one more question if it's right. That's correct. Yeah, it is German. It is German. Oh, wow. Okay. Final question. Conquer the tiebreaker. I've won no matter what. I've won no matter what. And that, of course, means no. If you get it wrong and he gets it right, it's still wrong. He has to choose first. And that sentence, of course, means cut my back into two pieces. All right. Final sentence. Makes sense. Verdes und Maden? Verdes und Maden? I'm going to go, it is German. It is German. I'll say something better because you're meant to go first. Because you're ahead. That's why you don't get away with that. All right. Well, you have to guess at what it means. It is German. It is German. But you can get an extra point if you can guess what it means. Pardon. He's in Gergen? No. Verdes und Maden. That means, fuck, carry these water jugs home. Oh, fuck. That's very, very close. It is not. Dude, that was actually like, I was like, oh my God, I nearly fucking was like, have you heard that before? See how good I am? Okay, you go. I was going to say I'm going to meet Martin. Yeah, no, that's way off, man. It means horses are maggots. I told you it was nowhere near that. It was funny. All right. Funny that part of that then. Well done, Matt. I mean, Michael. Michael. Where do you want to get hit? You don't get any of this. Okay. All right. So I have a whisk here, guys. I'm going to hit Matt with. He's offering me his arms. I'm going to hit his arm with this whisk. And for not knowing German properly, which is it is an offense in some countries to not know the language of German. Oh, that was weak. What the fuck do it again? You got to go full swing. Full swing. He's a man. Bitch. He knows ET. Whoa, that would have hurt. I would not like that. Again. Oh wow. He's a Macaulay. That'll do. He's some kind of masochist. He's got an erection. All right. Hit it, Brown. One more. You have all the questions and we have all the answers and we've got lots of answers for you. And just to be clear. We are not doing the Q and a. That's just for fun. Oh, fuck man. That is so good. All right, guys. It is time for. Hit it, Matt. It's Matt vs. Michael. Yeah. Matt vs. Michael. It's Matt vs. Michael. It's Matt vs. Michael today. Matt vs. Michael. It's Matt vs. Michael. It's Matt vs. Michael today. Yeah. Come, come, come have fun. Come, come, come. What's the fun? Come have fun. Come have fun. Come have fun today. Bottle of cum. And this is a segment where Matt and Michael go head to head in a champion off to see who wins this bottle of mints by the end of the season to do with whatever they please. It is currently 12, 9 to Michael. What's on that? I don't know. Spit. I don't know who can have this one because I know you'll blame it if you, if you lose this. All right. Before we continue, Michael. That was so funny. All right. So for today's competition, we find out who's better at drawing. Oh, wow. Oh, okay. Fuck. I forgot. Oh, yes. I'm stick figure. You each have, I'm going to give you one minute to draw and you must draw each other. And it has to be whichever drawing is the funniest. Okay. Oh man. That's fucking. So ever drawing is the funniest. Do we get other judges or is it just your opinion? Look, we can get other judges in too. Or we can throw it to the comments and call it for next week. Let's get some backboard so we don't, so we can draw. You have one minute and remember I'm after, I want you guys to be skilled, but I also want you guys to make this funny. All right. Your time starts now. I'll commentators. I go, all right. And that's off to a quick start. He's left-handed. It's kind of weird. Michael's taking his time. He's very slowly. He's doing the eyes right now. Moving on to the nose. Remember, we're going for funny here as well, guys. We're 15 seconds in, so don't spend too much time on the details. And we're 20 seconds in there. You've got 40 seconds left. This is going to be huge, everybody. This is one of the most exciting things that we've done to date. Go, draw everyone. Draw as fast as you can. Go. Draw away, Matt Brown. He's doing something at the top. Very strange way to hold the pen. Clearly wasn't taught how to hold the pen properly at school. Michael's drawing breasts. 10 seconds. You've got 10 seconds, guys. Finish up your drawings. Finish up your drawings, everybody. Five, four, three, two, one. Stop. Pen's down. Pen's down. Pen's down. All right. All right. Okay. I will now... Do I explain what it is? Well, you can after the reveal. Okay. All right. First, let me show it to the camera. You have all the questions and we have all the answers. So, Michael's is first. Now, think I... Are you drawing really good? I gave Matt his want-to-be form, his true want-to-be form. Dude, you can actually draw. His final form. It's pretty. That's what I wanted Matt to be. Mine is... Mine is your vinegar shit video. All right. So, there you have the two drawings. So, Michael's is more of a... None of your minds are the one, dude. Michael's is like quite realistic, I would say. Like, you've clearly had some kind of drawing lessons, because that's pretty spot on. Yeah, dude, you're very good at that. It's pretty spot on. And Matt has just drawn a couple of stickmen and one that looks like it's got a real hairy moot. Yeah, I was going for like shit explosion, but didn't work out. All right. So, yeah, based on that, look, I'm going to have to give this one. No, it's okay. That's a very good drawing. So, Michael, Michael's drawing is actually very good. And if you guys want to buy that... 100 bucks on Amazon. 100 bucks on Amazon. All money, all proceeds go to charity. Yeah, apart from 7%. Most of it won't go to charity, but all proceeds will go to charity. We'll give like 20 bucks. I don't think even bother about it. We'll just start our own charity. We'll just put it in a... It'll go to the Marty and Michael charity, which is money for us. So, that's the way that will go. $100 on Amazon. And it's on Amazon Prime, so it's digital. All right, guys. The score is now 13 to 9 to Michael. Stay tuned for next week, because it's going to get wild. I've taken the lead again. I'm big. Big five ahead. Big four. Oh, shit. Four ahead. Okay, I'm not that far ahead. One month's worth. Brown. That was a lot. All right, guys. Now we have a little surprise from that, Brown. Yeah, I don't like this at all. It's four. We've got to call now, otherwise. She might not be available. All right. What do you mean she might not be available? Who are you calling? You're about to find out, Mr. Brown. Oh, you should have checked with me for this. Oh, come on, Brownie Brown. Oh, dude, it's fucking... What if I don't want to talk to him? Oh, then it'll be... That's even better. For you. It's like opportunity. You might think you don't want to talk to him. Well, why are we calling this person? For sex or something? We'll see. Why be sex? So, how did this happen? And who is it? I think all will be revealed, surely. It's not in here. Hello, mate. Well, well, well, Mr. Lucky, we've got you here. And ready for your call is Matthew Brown. Sure. All right, so take it away, boys. Have a chat. Ask him how he is. Lucky. Am I supposed to pretend to be someone? No, it's familiar for him. He might want that. I don't know what's happening. You've been lied to, Matt. We lied to you about lying. So you thought that you were talking to a primary school girl that you had a crush on? We just made that up as we went along. There is no primary school crush. So we just called someone on our phone randomly and you were freaking out thinking we've called you primary school crush? It's Lucky. You fucking idiot, Matt. Do you know what's crazy about that? You said it could be Rachel, right? And I was sports captain with another girl called Rebecca who I had a thing, like a little thing for. And she knows I had a little thing for her as well. Oh, fuck me. And you nailed that. And that's the whole time I thought it was Rebecca. Fuck, it's just like that. Did Lucky know you were calling? No idea at all. Man, I'm itchy. Man, I'm itchy. Oh, poor Lucky's gave up. Oh, we got a lying segment in though. That felt good, man. Yeah, wow, that was so weird that you went for that. I said the sports captain and Rachel. Sports captain and Rachel. That was such a strange iteration because Lucky's like, what the fuck are they doing? And Matt was like, what the fuck are they doing? And then we just let them stew in the what the fuck stew. And we threw some spice in at the end, bro. There was some herbs. Yeah, that's a slow cork. I am feeling hot. Oh, man. Very good. Anyway, if you think that was crazy. What are you looking at? What do we got next? What we have next is Matt's Tinder. Avengers. Hit it, Matt! T-I-N-D-O. We have Matt's Tinder. Matthew Brown has lost control now. Yes, sir. Shall we let Bong Break for everyone to have a moment? Oh, my God, 100%. Let's have a quick Bong Break and we'll be right back with the Tinder Adventures. And we're back. All right. In this segment, this is where Michael and I have taken over Matt's fucking Tinder. We use all of his images. We use all of his personal information and we use Tinder and we get matches for him with real women, real people. And we speak to them exactly how we think Matt would talk to them in real life. We know Matt very well. We know his approach to women and that's what we use here. And we have gotten him. We have gotten him some bird. We have. We cut my name out of the Tinder. What do you mean? You've got my full name on that. If you want. The middle name. Maybe both. You just want to be Matt. Yeah. If we can do that, yeah, we can try it. Sorry. He's getting a bit worried, aren't you? Maybe. Sorry. Anyway, you can do that. Yeah, so look, we've... Anyway, so I, my bad, I left the Tinder phone here while I was away. So I've only just had a few conversations this morning. So I apologize. I'm a bit underdone. So the Tinder segment won't be as... The conversations aren't as developed as usual. Did that fucking crazy one that's jealous of him having a wife, has she messaged back? No, that ended. Oh, really? Yeah. But once she mentioned that she was involved in domestic violence, her past relationship, I kind of... Yeah, I can't continue Damn it. I feel too guilty. But it's not like you're going to hit her, you're just going to fucking flirt with her. I'm kind of like, you know, using her conversation. I'm wasting her time. And she's been through too much. Okay, I'm disappointed, but I understand. All right, now there aren't too many more. There are some continuations from last week, but a lot of them just straight unmatched. Man. All right, so this one, you may remember Matt, he slammed a car door hard on his niece's hand. Do you remember that, everyone? Yeah, yeah, so he's basically just told her how angry he was. He couldn't control it, so he slammed the door as hard as he could. And the father of his niece, so his brother won't forgive him and is really unhappy. Anyway, so I'll start back from a little bit. Yeah, she needed surgery. Completely shattered her whole hand. I thought it was just the fingers. The doctor looked at the X-ray and said her hand is like hundreds of small shattered bones floating in potato mash. So it's going to need lots of surgeries. I'm so sorry to be meeting under such extreme circumstances. I'm honestly still numb to what's happened. She may never be able to properly use her hand again. I slung that door, that car door closed with everything I had. Oh my god, that is awful. But it was just an accident. I hope she recovers quickly and regains full use. Are you okay? You may have lost the best uncle award for a while. Yeah, they won't know for sure until the first surgery heals. She has no feeling in her hand yet. I just keep replaying it in my head. Why the fuck did I have to slam the door literally as hard as I possibly could? I fully opened the door as far as it would go and put my whole body weight into slamming it. Like I bent my knees and drove up as I slung it shut. Definitely not the favourite uncle. My brother, her dad, won't talk to me now either. But it was a total accident, so fuck him. I'll just focus on my sister's kids. At least I've got working hands. Just curious, why do you feel the need to shut the door like that? Haven't heard of this red flag yet shuts door with as much force as possible. How is your niece today? Hope she's feeling okay. The door just always has had issues. I think the lock is on it is worn. And to be honest, I was a bit frustrated from the drive. I hit like every red light on the way to my parents place and I was running so late. She's out of hospital and starts rehab on the hand once the bones have reset. Have you ever accidentally hurt anyone? Well, time for a new car. Great news about your niece getting out of hospital. Hopefully she can start rehab soon. Are you working your way back to favourite uncle status? Flowers or a teddy bear for her? I can't really think of anything to that degree but when I'm my first born was a baby. I accidentally cut her finger while I was cutting her fingernails. Yeah, the car door is even harder to close now because of the bits of skin and flesh from my niece mashed into the gap. She's doing better though. She's not in any pain. She's still really quiet with me but that's her dad that's fucking pissing me off. He won't accept my fucking apology. Like, get over it. She still has another hand. Who cares about a smooched up hand? I'll put you right back to that. That was a conversation. Oh my God. These girls have just been chatting to you for weeks. Some of them just, yeah, just like... Just go full belief mode no matter what you say. I start to feel guilty because after a while after a while... They form a relationship. Yeah, it's like I've really wasted a lot of that time. I can see why you go heavy like hard and sometimes real quick. Yeah, exactly. She starts this conversation. Waving face. Roll me in flower and leave me out to bake in the sun. I want to be nice and crispy for you. How was your sweet, sweet weekend? Did you catch any rats? And that was this morning so hopefully that'll evolve into a conversation. Round up some teenagers. Imagine if we did that and they told them all to get fucked. We could film it. It would be a nice little laugh at the end of it. I like yelling at them for riding their scooters in the shops. Guess why I'm halfway there. Oh, yes, I knew it. I knew I would find someone cool enough to do it with me. A union chumside. We could literally go there this week since it's school holidays and corral them all into the corner and then just yell, get fucked! Just fucking get fucked! Imagine their faces. You adults do that. I've got the newest iPhone too so we can film it and put it on a TikTok and share it. And that was just morning. That's fucking one of the best. That is so... Rounding them up and yelling at them. What a bitch for yelling at kids on their scooters. So she's being real. That is a red flag. If she wants to do that, we should seriously consider actually talking about it. Up into a corner and yelling at them. If I guess we blur their faces, it's probably it's not illegal to swear at kids, is it? Can't be. I don't know. Let us know in the comments if it's illegal to swear at kids. Like if there was a a five year old that walked past me with his parents and I looked at it in the face and go you little cunt! Is that illegal? I don't think so. You're a fucking little cunt. What are you looking at? You think freedom of speech, right? But that's probably gone these days too. I don't know if Australia has the same freedom of speech laws like America does. I have to look it up. Dumb little fucking wanker prick! Imagine saying that to a ten year old. Imagine a ten year old. You're sitting at a restaurant and you happen to make or on a plane and you're looking around and a ten year old makes eye contact with you. You little fucking dumb pig! You fucking cunt! I wonder what age would affect him the most. Probably like... I would probably never forget that if you said that to a kid. That happens to Jim and Kerry in that film where the kid is staring at him at the restaurant and he goes, what the fuck are you looking at? It's the strategies to get this kid with his family. Is that Ace Ventura? I think it's fun. I don't know. Me, myself and I. Green. Anyway, Matt starts his conversation with... Groping is my hobby. When are you around? Oh! What? Groping, like touching but quite aggressively. I really enjoy doing it to things. What was your weekend? Wow. Well, I'm not a thing. I'm a person. And it's quite a turn off that the first thing you said to me is you want to grope me. What? I never said I want to grope you, sweet cheeks. Grop things. I said groping is my hobby. I grope animals. I grope my family. Heck, I even grope soft fruit at the grocery store. I'm just trying to tell you about my hobbies. So there's no need to make my hobby about yourself. So I grope a bit. So what? Did she unmatch? Yeah, she unmatched. I would have loved to have seen her reply. Yeah, that is intense. Excuse me for saying this, but I want to peg Vaseline at you and rub it into your cracks. Have you ever heard about that happening? What the fuck? It makes me, it makes you all slippery and I've got this massive straight hallway at my place and I want to send you down. I don't want to face plant the wall and imagine the mess it would make. Have you ever tried to clean Vaseline up before? Don't worry about fucking mess, my mum's got cleaning shit. Are you keen or not? We can suck each other's tits after and just see what happens. The mum in me would couldn't handle it. Suck Vaseline off each other. Mmm, sounds tasty. I want to fill my mouth cavity with both your nipples and try and skull your tits like they're a jug of beer. You honestly couldn't fit it all. I think you'd be surprised. I can open my throat and literally pour beers straight in so I can do the same with your tits and suck them all the way down into my stomach. Your nips will be dangling in my stomach acid. I want to scratch at your lamp posts to sharpen my claws and then sink piss in front of your parents while I meet them for the first time. Please let me rip at your arse a bit. Oh, wow. Did she reply to that? That's ongoing, I don't know. Oh my god, that is fucking dark. What's the reply to that? Skull some tits. Might be worth meeting. Trying to skull a tit. This doesn't get any further. Until eventually it just all pops. It just rips off the chest. You could animate that. Very good. Morning handsome. Yeah, that's pretty nice. Matt replies with I want to crack a coke can open and thumb my testicles into the small opening. The fizz of the coke on my balls makes me foam from my mouth. How was your weekend? Um, okay. I worked your weekend. The sharp edges of the coke can opening have sliced my testicle skin. It's not deep enough for me to panic but the foam is so ticklish. Yuck. Cool, what do you do for work? Is that what a reply was? That's what you said at the end of that message. That's ongoing. Imagine if that was a reply. Cool, what do you do for work? Let's answer this. Hello. Good afternoon. It's Jeff from the wine concierge service. How are you? I don't believe you, Jeff. Hello, can you hear me? Jeff, listen to my words, okay? I'm not real. Do you understand me? I am a live person. I just sort of have to follow scripts so I don't get in trouble. No, no, I don't believe you. You need to prove to me that you're a real person. Sorry, I am a live person. You sound to be choppy as well. It may be the line. It's not the line, okay? I've done plenty of lines and I know it's not the line. You need to prove to me that you're a human being. What's your wife's name? I've been doing it all day so I sometimes get stuck in a rut and repeat things or mix things up. What's your wife's name? It's Jeff. My name is Jeff. No, your wife's name. My name is Jeff Lee. What's your wife's name? That's a real tricky question. No problem. Well, in that case, I'll let you go. Take care. I'm so confused right now. I love you and I really... Whoa! Man, I don't know what's going on there. Even when he was talking, he sounded like... No, I'm real. Does anyone get those calls? Let us know in the comments because I'm convinced it's like an AI thing. I think it's like an AI scan. But just then that call then made me think... because I'm not part of any wine list, whatever they talk about. But even when he was trying to defend himself, he sounded like James Lee. Strange. Second time you've been called by him. Same guy, too. You realize? All right, that's the end of Matt's Tinder Convos. Let's call someone and scream. Okay. We haven't done a screaming segment for a while. We have a PO box there as well. Is that right, Matt? Yep. Well, well, who shall we call? Let's call... Summer's cooking, so hear it. Oh my God! It wasn't long. He answered at 28 seconds. Six seconds. Wow. I win because I was right. I said four, you said nine. Just. No. Oh. Matt, you have to kiss him, too. Oh! Oh, Matt. I'm smiling on my own. Because that's how he kisses. That's how he kisses. Okay. Oh man! All right, let's do a prank call. Are you on PO box? Let's do the fucking PO box. From 256 Taken 4018 Queensland, Australia. What's the bet? It's fucking pubic hair or something man. I hope it's anthrax dude I look at the pubic hair that we're gathering now like this is Matt You're gonna have a fucking lot of pubes to fucking glue on your head at the finale What is it look at his face it does not look good Hang on okay, wait, wait. Oh, it's something wrapped in toilet paper. That was cocaine That much cocaine. We've got a billy in her fan. Oh, man. Oh shit No, this is fucking gonna be rough smell at first. Oh What's of multiple things? Oh, they are poos. Are they poos? Yeah little poos. I know who sent this in Jono sent it in. Oh, it is a poo. Oh my god. It's an actual shit. Don't Michael say sorry. I'm so sorry Please I'm so fucking sorry wait Matt. Let's just hear what Matt has to say before we do something with it They're like fossilized poo-poo's from from what um, I can't remember did he put a little note in Was it squishy What do you mean it's fossilized Fucking it looks like a little dog shit pick it up. How's it fossilized? How's it fossilized? How are you guys gonna go with kids? Yeah, fuck that kid. I'm gonna have fucking shit wrapped in fucking fucking cunt It's gonna be oh, it's gonna be on their bums That's gonna be even worse than toilet paper gloves though Matt Eat it eat it easy eat it. You're not gonna eat that man You got that crazy look in your eye. Yeah, I thought about for a second. I'll give you I'll give you 20 bucks if you eat it. I'm thinking like a hundred I'll give you a hundred bucks. I'll give you a hundred bucks. I'll just put it in my mouth Yeah, put it in your mouth and chew it. I can't chew it. You have to slowly just rock. Just chew it a bit try and chew it Oh, yeah, more money. No, okay 120. No, I'm 100. I'm only staying in at 50 hundred bucks He needs the money badly You're touching it What is going on? Is it actually shit or is it not shit? Is it shit? Is that what's going on? Matt is about to Matt is holding a hardened what looks like dog shit Is there a note or anything? And he's considering putting it in his mouth. Oh my god. Oh My fucking god, dude Is he fucking all there? You are fucked Oh Like I wash my mouth wash it out with the mints. Oh my god Matt just fucking put shit in his mouth. Is this is this real what the fuck is going on right now? This is like Michael level shit time. What the fuck is Is that real life? Is that actually actual shit? Because this is shit the bit on the ground here is definitely shit. Oh, I'm just fucking yuck Dude, I can smell it. It's like I think it's been frozen. Oh my god. It's like ancient definitely shit Fuck you cut that was so close to my head. Oh my god Shit fight That just put fucking shit in his mouth Give me a squeeze of that Oh my god, no Michael come on. I'm so sorry dude. Come on Yeah, this this is insanity. This is your fucking insane. Bong break Touched it fucking Bong break Holy fuck, man, you have a fucking job. I can't be like, oh Yeah, I was like I can't I'm sorry. That's That's cool That's cool Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I don't know what came over me All right, so we give you $100 is that what it was he just down me didn't you I think he said not we're keeping it 100 it is That's fair. Um, it's transferring right now Little bit rocky We'll transfer you from a little bit rocky road I've got to stop putting shit that I'm we're getting from the internet into my mouth Fuck What are you talking about? Things that you've do you just sculled like 10 litres of piss in a day. Look at this I've literally the description is literally eating poo. I can't I can't wait for our Bookkeeper to be like, oh, what's this? What's this expense for? Show her that message. Oh yuck man video All right, that's fucking P.O. Box this week. That was a strange P.O. Box, man Whoa. Oh, okay. Thanks, John. Oh, that's great. I'm is here for this fucking shit in this room now lying around everywhere Anyway, I'm moving on that's it's it's a let's hit it matters break all time Your time is there for us to waste picking up your phone was your first mistake It's prank call time Hello Hello Who are you looking for? Yeah, I'm me. I'm just looking used to tutoring is cheetah kids and that This is Tutoring for kids and that This is Emily speaking so who are who you're looking for? Yeah, man I'm just looking for someone who can give me young follow a bit of that children he's falling behind a bit and I'm just gonna need someone to help help him catch up. He's already a year behind He's little fucking around at school and he's we're getting calls from fucking teachers and that so we're kind of needs I want to fucking sit down with him and just go through everyone with him a bit. You know what I mean? Oh, sorry, I I'm going to help you. Sorry, man. You're your tutor. I know it says here on google your your maths tutor So yeah, I'm at tutoring. Yeah, so what's what's the fucking problem down? My kid needs to learn a little bit of maths and you did turn on and get why can't sit down with him Right. How much do you charge? How much do you charge for let's say like an hour? I'm tutoring the kids math not added math. No, no, this is ain't no adult He's he's 11 years old right. He's already a year behind And he's a he's fucking around at school right. He's he can't fucking sit still a little cunt So i'll need a tutor to come in and fucking help him out for when he's running around at home. He's not doing his homework and shit Yeah, I'm tutoring like grade three to grade 12 What'd you say? So I'm tutoring grader from grade three to grade 12 mathematics. Yeah, so So Which grade are you looking for? Yeah, so he's in he's in year he's in year five But he's meant to be in year six because he's he's fucking He's fucked up that bad last year that the teachers like call us and said no, no, he's got to stay behind here So i'm just trying to find a tutor that can help him because he's a bit of a dumb cunt at the moment and he needs a bit of help Yeah, yeah, so For grade five it is $60 for per hour. Fuck me 60 bucks. That's not too fucking shabby for years I'm in the wrong fucking business am I? I'll get fucking about 30 an hour doing what I do. Fuck me. Maybe I should do some fucking tutoring or some fucking shit What do you reckon? No, no, but where he's basing that and shit Hello Hello. Yeah, yeah, where he's basing that what where's your where's your tutor and how late where where do I take me from my boy? Hello, am I losing it? Yeah Yes, so 60 bucks now right. I done lock it in what daisies available It'll have to be after 5 p.m. Because I can't knock off work earlier than that Fuck yeah, so um So I'm living in north north suburb. Oh, that's perfect. That's perfect Oh, I can fucking drop drop a little fucking turn off after work And what then you fucking tutor it a little cunt for about now Done maths and that wasn't with him and I'll come grab him about six o'clock. So yeah I don't want to shoot it down. Let me shut up. Hang on one sec Oh Very good, dude, here's the most rude and vile man Dude, I was but he means well. I was hoping we could lead to a beating there What was his name? I don't know yet. I reckon we name him. Oh Greg Chip and Dale What about um rory chip and dale or associate press Or my associate press. All right, let us know So we got a couple of new fun prank all things going on now. Let us know what you're acting about and shit I'm gonna go to dinner with mom. Otherwise, we could have just done fucking 20 of them What are you gonna have a tea? I don't know His mom's gonna cook something german Probably some raw rotting flesh some cactus flesh Oh A bit of a fossilized. Will you talk will you talk german with her? No, not when there are other english people around because that's rude It's considered rude to do that. So no, I very rarely speak um german Maybe on the phone But I do forget a lot of words so I'll throw english words in and it's kind of like a hybrid language And she understands that. Oh, yeah, she understands it She definitely gets it Don't forget to like comment subscribe and give us a five star review on spotify It's the only thing that keeps us growing because no one likes to recommend us to anyone like youtube hates us Spotify doesn't really like us, but we're slowly getting there. Yeah, that's right because much slower than everyone else because we Are the bet The best We We are the mother fucking best and mother the fucking best the mother fucking best the mother fucking best