 I've just finished speaking as part of a panel or webinar about emotionally based school avoidance and there was just something which I didn't get the chance to say that I wanted to share about the parents and carers who are involved when a child is struggling to attend school and there can be lots of blame in both directions sometimes it feels like from home to school, sometimes from school to home, sometimes from the child to whom and wherever and I just think one thing you need to understand is how stressful it is being the parent of a child who can't or maybe seems that they won't go to school so I've been that parent as well as been the expert in this I've been that parent and there's nothing that feels worse than not being able to fulfil your fundamental duties as a parent it seems the most basic thing you could do for your child get them into school in the morning sometimes that process of getting them across a threshold if you manage it at all might have taken three hours and it might have taken tears from them from you from everyone by the time they arrive and by the time you arrive with them you might be at the absolute point of breaking and to then maybe need to engage with school about what to do how are we going to solve this problem what are we going to do next just not not able to do that brain full in that moment in every moment often around this it's just really really hard and I just I think it's really important just to acknowledge that like I had it easy compared to many families great support network around me actual expertise in the subject a child whose difficulties were not severe compared to many but I got to the point of not being able to manage it at all when actually what I needed from school was them to tell me it was going to be okay a bit of kindness and care and support and love I suppose professional love yeah and a feeling that we were in it together and I think that's the other thing to remember we are in it together we're all on the same team we're on the team of the child so let's look for some tiny steps that are led by the child's motivations and look for things that together we can do but yeah please don't underestimate the stress the pressure the emotional load that this places on parents and just bear that in mind in your interactions with them they may be trying their very best and there's probably a lot of guilt a lot of shame a lot of worry a lot of just tiredness emotional and physical exhaustion which makes this really tricky so be kind sure to let me know what you think and I'll see you next time