 A fyddwch ei wneud i wirionedd ym Gwylch wedi'u chael y byddwch i gynnig i gyd i wneud ei hunain hyn, fel ychydigus afriedd Gwylch ym Mhysel. Mae'r cyffredig yw ffordd gyffredigol ac wedi'u gweithio cilyddur Methodol deisdu sylwedd a'u gyfer cynted a'u adwysig arwain. Mae, hefyd, os y ffordd y ffordd cheisgau ddiwedd, mae'r cyffredig yw ei ffordd gyffredig yw rhan â'r blaen o hyn iaith o Eiichur, o bobl yn sefydliad wedi eu leogyddiadau religiol. ynglyn â'r sefydlu gweld i rych yn gwmhwytofonol i'r gwlad gweithgwn adnolion i'r cyfrif phoblfa'n ym thyffodol hyn yn llunio'r cyfrifio. Gawdwch chi yr eu cyfarwydd a ddaint o'r profiadol yn llai'r ddweud. Dwi'n dechrau eich besoedd yn cael ei ddechrau, byddai'nhaid eich bod hynny. Moisi a ddysgu ar yr hyd hychydig mor chyfrifio'n sgvall. Dwi'n llunio eich beth, o'i newid i'r cyfrifio, o'r sylunio â'r gweithgwn. We do have a child psychologist, Dr Selin Jochel joining these conversations this morning. All right we'll try to reconnect with Dr Selin and Jochel, we're having some little hitch there. I'm so mercy. Back in the day. I'm not trying to be naughty right now back in the day. If you did something wrong A iddynt y blwysig, mae ni wedi cael ei wneud i ddim. Ac eisiau iddyn ni'n ddim ddim. Byddwch dwi'n fydd yn ddwy iaith i dda, ac mae'n bywch er mwyn i ddim. Y ddysgiriaeth yw rhaid i ni'n bywch graff? Dwi wedi cael ei ddweud ymydd yma. Rydyn ni'n cyntaf, sefydledd yn bwysigad y rhyddau. Yr Cerddor Pwysig, maen nhw, mae'n roi ei roi dda i'r mwyn, I did that to us, you know, because sometimes we just needed our brains to be reset, you know, although Dad never really liked that. He was more of the come-come vibe. We were more scared of our mom than our dad. But lately there's this congoon conversation like you rightly just introduced about how to correct the child. Most schools, most people will not agree that the child should be flogged or caned or spanked in any way because they feel it is not the right way to correct, you know, the child as opposed to what we had back in the day. So the truth is, I mean, for a lot of us, including myself, we have been spanked by our parents. I mean, for me, the highest... Were you spanked? Yes, my grandmother was the highest on the list. Are you stubborn? I don't know if I'm stubborn, but I really, I think I really got it very hard for my grandmother. Oh wow. So, but you know that there are a lot of culture and practice and belief system that we hold as a people. I'm not saying that it's wrong, you know, so this is me not particularly taking the side. But I'm thinking that we have to, you know, get to a point where we have a balance. Now there are a lot of professionals that have come up to say over time, it's been studies revealing that if you constantly go ahead and hitting the child, it doesn't really get results. I also find out that there are a lot of children whose parents have decided to tore that line of, we have to spank you at the slightest provocation. They haven't really, I mean, that has not really yielded any result. And some people would say, according to this research, that this shouldn't have become more hard. And if it's like the more you hit them, they get too used to it and they feel like, oh what's going to be the next thing? Let's hit them. Recently I stumbled on an article that talked about the fact that maybe we need to begin to move away. These proven studies and research and pattern of behaviour has been observed by this expert. And they are saying maybe people need to begin to take another approach rather than spank the child. Why don't you withdraw what the child loves the most? So there are different ways of spanking, I mean, putting out the punishment. Nobody is saying the most important thing is should children be punished when they go astray or they do something wrong? How do you correct them when they have done something wrong? How do you pass a message? Spanking has always been our number one on the list, Africa. And the African moms never miss it. They get you whenever they want to get you. But on the other hand also, how far have that yielded any result for us? How effective has that really been? Has he made the children become better? Did they learn the lessons? Did they get the message? So people now, you have a lot of the psychologists who are now saying, why don't we look at this pattern if it's not yielded any result? Then let's also consider other methods. Like the article that I stumbled on and I read, it talked about people withdrawing things that the children really love. For instance, they probably would have a favorite meal that could probably have some allowances. I mean, for me, there's always something they use to call pocket money, and so maybe you don't have to get it. People are saying this might just be another way of metting punishment without having to be very physical all the time. And in other situational circumstances, we probably would think that dialogue, because dialogue, if you look at it, communication has always been key. Communication would always be key for any relationship, whether it is family, a mother and daughter, a child, father and son, whatever it is, that family relationship, a work relationship, man and woman relationship communication. And so I'm thinking that we're evolving. We should not say that we can't punish children if they do anything wrong, but we also need to begin to think about the pattern and the approach as a yielded result, and then maybe we get to a point where we've done best practices. I was actually taking notes. You're actually parenting me live on there, like a message coaching 101. You actually raised several valid points, which I agree with. Let me start with the dialogue that you have mentioned, or communication. Most parents, they don't even know how to talk to their children. They don't even have time to talk to their children. They don't even spend time with their children. So there's this connection, this connect, this one-on-one conversation. They don't usually even have the time to do that. So most times they leave the correction and everything to the nannies and everything. They don't even have time to explain to the child why they should not be doing this, the repercussion of the erections. Like you have said, I agree completely with you. Take some of the things that they actually hold yet. You talked about pocket money. Maybe they were promised some vacation if they passed their exams and somehow they went all right and they maybe were involved in some sort of fighting or other vices. You could actually withdraw the vacation and if they know that they won't be getting that particular thing just because of their bad attitude, they would actually not want to do the same thing the next time. You also talked about learning lessons. If you communicate to your child, you speak to them about them, the right conduct and what to do and what not to do. You're actually inculcating good habits on them. Over time, there are lessons to be taught and they can also share with their peers during the playtime or even school activities. I think we've been told that we have Dr Selin Djoku. I'm sure that we would definitely have her share her thoughts as an expert that she is a child psychologist and then understand the dynamics. But it's a lot for us. We're evolving as a people. I don't think that there's a static but I love Africa, I love Nigerians. Some days because having a conversation with a friend who's not in the country and she has to raise her children outside of Nigeria. You know the thing that really is amazing is the fact that she still holds on to those values. She still thinks that it's still the best. The way I was raised, my kids have to be raised the same way. It is very unfortunate. No, not for her. I mean, I listen sometimes we have this lengthy conversation and she goes on and sometimes I wonder if she's still in the United Kingdom or the part of the country because she sounds like an African and a Nigerian mum. So, but it's really, really sad to look at it back. If you look back at it and see how parenting has been done over time, the issue of accountability. Yesterday we talked about it and we mentioned it in the passing. One of the, apart from the fact that you know, cobra punishment was also there before the punishment. There's also the point where you are held accountable until you've been asked where did you go to? How did you get this? So they see you with an item, with a book, with a pencil, with a pen. Your mother would ask you who gave you this because they remember that they never gave it to you. And so you have to be accountable. Where are you going to? Who are you hanging with? We need not to forget ourselves. These are things that have made us who we are. But I'm also saying that we also need to improvise on it. I know a lot of people would say, do you not spare the rod and spoil the child? And that's part of the scripture. You also have the scriptures, obey your parents and the Lord so that you may be long. But parents also forget the parts of that scripture to see. Parents do not provoke your children to anger and all of that. So it's a two-way thing. It's encompassing. I'm a child of an old woman. You should be cursing children. So I feel like I do love the African culture. I do respect it because it's a culture where what you respect is ours. And it's very unique to us. Also again, I spoke to another friend who has a family. No, he's not counseling. He had to share with me that his daughter came to him and started asking about there's a boy in my school who's liking me. You know the Nigerian in him will come. Why would you start liking boys? Not like liking boys. At what point do I ask that? All of that kind of conversation. And he was really angry. The boy likes him. They need to go out to a movie. Probably on a date. And we're talking about teenage kids now. So you're looking at the age of 12 and 13. But the natural him, because he was taught to, the way he was raised was that you will be spanked. You will be slapped at the slightest moment. You make those kind of statements and raise it. But it was a different bargain because of the law in the system that he found himself. And rather the approach that he used was more of, you know, okay, it's fine. So he decided to engage in a conversation, made the child comfortable. So they are able to talk about all of this. But I'm sure that if he were to be in Nigeria, the Nigerian in him was still very active and wanted to react and behave in some other way. But I'm sure that we'll have this conversation some other time where we have an expert share thought. So, but Justin, in all of this, what do you think? If you have children or if you have a child now, preventure, what pattern would you go? Spank? Because now I was still spanked. I don't think I could actually spank a child. I don't think I could actually bring, I don't have the hearts to do that. I would actually sit the child down. I would communicate with the child in love because if you always spanked at each provocation, the child would be very scared of you. And when there are issues of consent for the child, you will not be the first person the child would want to run to to talk about these things. But if they see you as your friend, no matter what they said, they would always want to talk to you about anything. They would know that their dad would always understand them or their mom would always understand them. So why would I want to hide it? Let me talk to mom. She would know the better way to go about this. I don't believe in spanking in as much as, I was spanked in my air loops where you run and I saw stars, but I wouldn't do that to my children. I feel like we're evolving. Those times are really changing. And then we're getting to that point where some people are thinking that don't spank a child. But even if you're not going to spank them and you think that that's not the best way to raise them, there should also be other ways of letting them know what is right and consequences for their action. They might not necessarily be very violent, but we can also take out the fact that some people have been very violent in the course of all of this. I've seen parents who have decided to use machetes. Really wrong. Guardians who have gone very extreme. You have people who heat iron, you have the iron, and then they use it on these children. You have all sorts of things, please. This doesn't solve the problem. No, it doesn't. We have the Child Rights Act, so you have no right to abuse or beat or molest the children all because you just want to correct them or show them the right to their better approaches to achieving good results. That's the size of our conversation and it's been an amazing time. Two hours of great talk right here. We will definitely return tomorrow with more exciting issues to talk about. If you missed out on any part of it, it's all right to follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and to subscribe to our YouTube channel as at Plus TV Africa and Plus TV Africa Lifestyle. Many thanks for watching. I am Messi Boko. I'm Justin Akadyn. You'll see you again on the show tomorrow at 7am. It was a pleasure presenting with a councillor. Bye for now.