 That's why you have worms under your foreskin are we live? What? Under. Yeah that's what you were saying. Glad I chopped mine off. Were you not listening? Yeah. I just caught it at the end. This is dumb. What happened? Yours is that and mine's that. And look mine doesn't do that. Do you want to be as cool as me? It's shit anyway, keep it. You know you can fix it right? You'll be right back. No. They tighten fucking bullshit tech so they're sort of okay, sorry Anyway, anyway Hello everyone episode number 25 and we are in James's garage and it's been a very stressful time for us We're looking for a place to rent But it's proving to be very difficult and we found a really nice place But the real estate they want us to have insurance So we're trying I went to insurance companies and they all said What are your policies on like violent videos and it's been a long process and no one wants to ensure us which is fair enough Matt because we're fucking scum dogs. No, like oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, we're forced to be in this limbo situation where we have nowhere to sort of live from Or just keep our shit out and it's just it's quite a stressful It's like being homeless, but you're not homeless Yeah, the real estate agent wants to give us his house, but we don't have insurance So he's like waiting for the insurance and it's taking so long that he's like what's going on I'm gonna have to move on soon and everything's just colliding in a fucking stress storm come it's like soon I Don't want to talk about anymore because I've got high hopes They're gonna sort it out tomorrow. Yeah, and Brown's gonna be the caretaker Morale team morale at Marty Michael will be so low. Oh, dude. I'm yeah, we are fucking getting bags I was I was emailing. I was up till 9 30 10 last night emailing answering insurance questions that was so Difficult to make sound good. Oh They were like, oh, where do you where do you film when you're not filming on a leased or privately owned? Like residents and I was like, yeah good fucking question do I do I be honest here and say we go to public parks Can't children's parks playgrounds. See that's where I think the it's all the info is getting like messed up You just need the insurance for when you're on the property. Yeah. No. Yeah, we've don't worry. It's all changed It's very fuck. It's been a process though. Okay, and it's we've been filming a lot We've filmed for website videos this week. My god. We're fucking fucking can't that's fucking crazy You can't we'll be five weeks ahead now after it's getting it. Yeah, we've been a little we were it's getting gross and we're sorry for But that's what you get if you want uncut unrated Website quality shit you get shit piss and vomit plus it's our sense of humor, too. We think that's funny, man We've been a new being grossed out is hilarious mix is good. Yeah. Yeah, so anyway, there's some disgusting in the shop I don't know lighting Like is the case the light on the camera. Oh Did you check you can have checked that man? No, I'm pretty sure it's not. Yeah, I don't think it is I just feel let's say let's let's just go out on a limb here and say it's fine. Yeah, Marty's just can't be no No, no, no, no, no, no, it's fine because I saw Marty if I can see the camera's eyes. It can see mine come Matt Brown, so Last week and we did have a bit of fun. We had this little surprise party from Michael's bloody At my fucking house. She was pleasantly surprised. So thank you Mon. You saved the day and man We got oh God just margaritas all night and man on Sunday. Oh I haven't had a hangover that bad in a long long time. Do you know why your margaritas gave you such a hangover? Because you were like you're like shut up. You can't say no. I know why Yeah, because I remember those that moment I walked in one. Oh, you make a margarita He went yeah, and you had something on your phone about like a Like a thing how to make them and I know I would never have that No, I know how to make the monotone of in you But somebody had it up and then you and you said exactly that you know, I know how to make them and I was just like I was like they're gonna be Strong but it's all about the flavor balance. It's not about as strong now It's about the flavor balance and they they're very good But yeah, they get you fucking They get you fucking flip flipped up. Can't yeah, and we had a fire and fuck But yeah, anyway crippling depression for the next three days and all this stress and here we are Exhausted man had to stay behind late today at the concrete plant Wasn't at the concrete at the concrete plant that issue technical issues Squeezing the concrete out of the tubing into the didn't have technical issues. We had some staffing issues I had to stay behind to sort it out so, you know, it's very late at the moment and The line to Lockheed segment has been a stressful to keep that going because We really want to keep that streak alive Like we are good at what we do with that and we have some big ship plan and we think we're gonna get her again And we have a very special bachelor Brown tonight and of course prankor We got either Arnold fine or Ronda making a comeback We can only call businesses that are open and like fucking however late it is now So I'm thinking like a bloody, um, maybe even a bar or something, brother Whatever you want bars will be busy though. I want to see Arnold fine. Try and put his pig in a restaurant again Yeah It suits me it makes me feel happy. So I want them so quickly. I went and saw a specialist I had to go see one because I had another kidney stone Oh, are you dying? Oh, you get more endone? Not yet. Did you not yet? Maybe Why would you not bring one each for a five-head? You're a fuckhead, mate You've got how many like ten of them ten Yeah, can you run just bring five half? I would have whatever I have with you You're gonna have half this beer. I was gonna say I'll give you one each, but just calm down We can you bought some no, but I'm just saying I know I'm sorry. So if you want one Let's negotiate after a less doubt. So okay sort of anyway, but what you want a specialist specialist? Because they wanted to look inside all look inside my kidneys because When I went when I had the kidney stone Don't tell me you're dying on the podcast I'm not dying But they were saying that um, I've got more kidney stones and that I they managed to do keyhole surgery and put some Just turn that off stop having them, but um, they're too small Fucking Ross I know like I would if I was you I would go go away stones now and normally Go away. Yeah, but I'll get a magnet. Can't get a magnet can't Fucking get him out your throat. Can't do a funny moment happened So there was the doctor and there was two trainee doctors in the room to tranny doctors in the rain Training training so they love trains training. They were training to be doctors. Okay, um, and anyway We're all four of us are in there. We're all talking and he was just giving me like diet things and things that cut out of my diet anyway He goes to me goes there's three different types of kidney stones and you know some of uric acid or summer from lack of water And anyway, who's going through that and he goes there's a 90% chance. It's this one And I said, okay, he goes how and how do you tell he goes? Oh, we usually examine the stone I went, oh, okay. Cool. He goes but in nearly It's rare that anyone actually brings a stoning because no one ever collects them and I went, oh, I've got my stone I thought I said to him and he goes really I went. Yeah. Yeah, I Pissed him a glass for like four days so I could show my friends He's like that's the weirdest thing I've ever heard. He told you to get out He's like he's like because it's the weirdest thing I've ever heard But it's also one of the best things because now you can take it to your doctor and they can examine it So now you're taking the little stone. Yeah, so they want me to take that little stone and get it examined to see what flavours it has Imagine if it was just like salt I don't know Sorry It's stone. What are stones made of but it's made of kidney or some sugar. It could be uric acid base or it could be Come up with that thing was like While we have you we're running a comment competition At the end of the season we're going to pick one comment out of all of the comments from the entire season's worth of comments To win a thousand dollars So the more times you comment the more entries you have So you're literally increasing your chances with every comment you write if you write a billion comments You got like a 99% chance of winning I'm going to 99.9. We've spoken about this before it is Guaranteed Yeah, and and it'd be funny It'd be funny if the winning comment was just like a letter or a number of full stop or something At least two people have caught on to this process and they're banging out like 50 comments every podcast See if they're fine, then you watch one of them will fucking win it one of them will fucking win it And they'll fucking me like fucking from put all that fucking hard work income Or or a mighty Michael time stamp comment will win it either way That would be so good because then we can reinvest it back. Do you know what I mean? Yeah If we win that'd be good. Holy shit. Let's remember that. We should start commenting heaps. Yeah We'll get someone on it. We'll get someone on it. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Sorry Anyway jam-packed episode for you. That's shit talk. Let's do the sponsors so I can fuck I can't wait to hear what you've got to say Oh, yeah, fucking hey Hey Stop what you're doing. 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Maybe 20% off and look you get fucking sick packaging Look at how you look right now Just just you're trying to push it to the back of your mind. You look kind of shit. Okay Manscape.com can help you fully actual 20 is our discount code. Just go have a look I'm gonna say this is how I got amber link in the description. Please just fucking do something about that messy shit fix it And yeah, it just it helps it helps enhance anything helps man manscape. It's different manscaped Manscaped fully actual 20 All right, you'll never believe it everyone Nord is back again Oh, shit. Yep. What? Yep Let me what did they say? Mate they uh, they they're they're there. Okay. They're like a twist in a horror film. No, they're actually there He's right, man You don't know you don't know that and it's there as in th Let me just ei y Little apostrophe thing re what do you use that one for? 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Let's get through the fucking on this day and all that dumb shit And I'll fuck you can't I can see James's family on this day. Yeah, James's family is currently having um Dinner by the way, so the screaming segment will have to take a rain check and we'll do it next week. Okay. We're gonna do it next week all right On this day in 1997 Tom Hanks skinned mice as a hobby He would catch them and drown them by swallowing them whole then drinking a large amount of water The mice would drown in his stomach. Then he would vomit them back up Then he would skin them with nothing but his fingernails He would make little skins dry them and then use them as gloves When he had enough skins, he even made an entire blanket out of them But unfortunately he had to throw it out because it kept giving his wife skin infections Did you know he went on the island? Jeffrey Epstein island? Well, that's you know, if he's skin and mice Yeah, I watched um, somebody do a video on that Tom Hanks. Yeah, his name was named as someone who was on the island I'm sure he's fine. I'm sure he's a good bloke By the way, the lying to locky segment Let me just fill you guys in quickly because I feel like we're getting close to go time Okay, so Manik my beautiful partner this early this week. Um, she sells cactuses on the side, right? and locky um what 640 yeah, and and um Locky bought a cactus from her like last week and she only told me about at the beginning of this week And I was like, this is perfect. This is what we can use for lying to locky. So she So she so I told her to tell locky tell him that the delivery guy is coming Thursday night, which is right now Okay, so locky is expecting a call from the deliver the cactus delivery guy in about 20 minutes So we're gonna maybe even get James in here to do to do a special voice Just so he definitely won't recognize us. We'll get locky to come outside of his house the fucking idiot Oh god, he'll be exercising for no reason Although Mon did say that he might not be home until eight So it might be a bit early, but we'll see either way. Oh like But he's gonna answer. He's gonna use speech that he doesn't want to use Yeah, he's gonna be using professional speech like when you call me and I'm like, oh, man It's gonna be it's gonna be slaila lie So anyway, that's that's the latest with the lying to locky We'll see how we go. We'll give it like another 20 minutes and we'll give him a fucking call All right, let's move right along to michael's biblay And this is a segment where michael has recorded all of his Inner thoughts all of the networking in his brain has sprouted these words and they are so wise That buddha is a cunt Oh, yeah, I'm channeling sometimes. What is it? He's like, no, he has people he's been known He's been he's fat. Okay. He's yeah And so michael has taken the role of bezis. It's jesus, but be so bezis And he will now read This is chapter 2022, which is quite relevant Here is ear, but with a h added and you hear with your ear Therefore shouldn't eyes be highs or something like that because of the h or something The number 123 is like saying one two three sort of If you can't then just remove the t and you can see Cable tv is shit By the way, you will all own nothing and you'll be happy Sorry, it's true Everything I said is true I believe you Yeah cable tv is shit It is Yeah, it doesn't belong in it Does it? No, it's it's outdated even yeah, sorry. It's growing hairs All right, let's go 20 off. All right guys. Um, we're gonna have a quick bong break And then um when we return it's time for the darkest segment. Hey I can't remember who it is I'm so sorry, but they want us to they keep asking to do a in unison bong break. Is that possible? Yeah, of course we can all right three two one Back um, all right, we're back and um, oh my god Really? What do you mean what what? Look my heart's beating a million miles a minute because it's time for the black book Oh, this is where shit gets good. This is like it's the most disgusting. Um fucking look I hate I hate it. Um, and uh, yeah a bit of a recap. So, um Matt went to um have his twin brother Um, it turns out A revenge have uh turns out that matt's mother was there who surprised tax him and ended up bashing his fucking head in Uh with a baseball bat or whatever it was Quiet so, uh matt died and you vividly remember going to hell. Is that right? Oh, yeah, you don't ever forget Aren't we in hell right now? Sorry, I hope so All right Here we go So matt's just working up in hell first day now You're ready number 61 dad That's around me. I looked around hell and couldn't believe what I was seeing flames everywhere Through the flames I would see things I saw a skinned baby being rolled in salt I saw a man vomiting up a corpse legs first I watched two men having their eyelids cut off with scissors by a half human half walrus creature I watched a demon injecting maggots into the bloodstream of a screaming real estate agent The heat was overwhelming Get up matt brown We've been looking forward to meeting you said the demon The creature speaking speaking to me had the body and legs of a fat pig and seven human arms. Its head was a goat Did I really die? Afraid so matt brown, but don't worry. Hell's a different place for people as evil as you are What do you mean? You're a vip matt brown follow me. I'll show you around This place ain't so bad. I followed this pig goat creature. My skin went bright pink from the heat We walked through hell and people everywhere were being tortured in the most gruesome ways My little brown was slithering around in my pants wanting to play I was led to a large dirty castle the goat creature opened the door and then the music hit my ears Aussie hip-hop was loudly playing and there was a mix of hundreds of people and creatures dancing and fucking and partying together It was a huge room with incredibly high ceilings. There was a bar and lots of crazy lighting Welcome to vip l and matthew brown Hey, everyone the music stopped and everyone turned to us. Look who's finally joined us. It's matthew gregory brown The whole place erupted with cheering and a bunch of the people and creatures ran over to welcome me. Oh matt We've heard so much about your work. You're a fucking madman matt. Is that the baby wild fucker? Such a warm welcome. I felt like I truly belonged Is that fucking matty brown cunt? I recognize that voice and through the crowd. I see a familiar face Julian, what are you doing here? You know me can't I'll just get around. I've got a fair few of my mates down here So I come here for benders on weekends and that Wait, you can leave hell whenever you want. Yeah, I can't I'm a fucking demon. Can't don't tell anyone, but Yeah, it's fucking arm. What's you called? I'm what's you fucking call a fucking arm travel between like arm dimensions and shit Special demon power given away straight from satan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's incredible. How does one become a demon? He can't become a demon matt demons are born demons demons walk arm What's it called like satans arm kids come? Yeah, he's pretty much more dead than that So you're saying I can never I can never leave Can't fuck no can't but what would you want to fucking leave but it's fucking sick He's shit if you want VIP, but with all the shit you've done up there, you're set for life down here, you can't So you're saying for me there's no downsides to being in hell if you're a v.o.p No, you just fucking fucking party party all day and all I can't Oh, but there is one shit thing that even vip's have to do But it's only once a day and it's only even for you guys, but it's only once a day. It's nothing Well, what is it? You have to let satan fuck you to death in the most gruesome horrifying extremely painful way imaginable But then you die and you just wake up here again and keep partying The racking he was saved for your count. I can get you something if you want. Do you want a line? So every day I can party non-stop But then be fucked to death by satans. Yeah, right it's non-stop partying And then you just get killed once like just once just once a day I'm pretty good mates with satan. I could tell him to go easy on you if you want So he gets to have me Every day for eternity. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but did you hear what I said about the party? Isn't that it's fucking sick deal Yeah Thanks julien. Yeah, I'll catch you now. Okay. I'll go dark web ping his toe if you want Just come back just come back to me if you want dark web ping his count julien left none My reality was sinking in I would spend my days in hell and get fucked to death every day by the most evil creature in existence That's not good. I watched the vip's dancing and doing drugs I can't live like this. I don't party. I stalk hunt and have I had to find a way out of hell Then I heard screaming from the other side of the room satan appeared He was flying above everyone and had a massive erection He was pointing at people and creatures in the crowd and they would start screaming immediately He was about to start Having he flew down cock first and shattered the skull of a vip He flew back up and power vomited skin on the crowd below the vip's shrieked and ran for cover Then he looked straight at me my heart stopped Mr. Brown What a pleasant surprise satan himself was addressing me I was frozen in horror as satan drifted over to me. His erection was throbbing and I could hear it But boom, but boom, but boom it twitched with every knob beat Nice of you to finally join us down here And nice nice to meet you mr satan. Please matt Call me lucifer He landed next to me and started circling me. He ran his long hard finger along my soft pink skin He looked exactly as you would imagine a huge red monster with horns and yellow eyes and teeth And one massive thick devil dick even my little brown was shaking in fear at the sight of it You're already infamous down here mr. Brown The most vip of a vip But as I'm sure you're aware As much good work as he did on earth This is how and I've got a reputation to uphold Satan grabs my ass and I feel his fingers pierce my ass shakes like a hot knife through butter I flinch but I don't dare make a sound satan lent forward and whispered in my ear I'm going to enjoy having the greatest hava in history He licked my neck Then he addressed the crowd shall I have mr. Brown in front of you all Shall I take out all of my have energy into this one have and spare everyone else I'm one have just this day The vip's immediately started screaming and cheering have mud brown have mud brown The chant started the crowd has spoken matthew brown I closed my eyes Then I feel satan bite into my shoulder and rip a large chunk of flesh off like it was nothing The pain was indescribable. I start screaming but satan jams his whole hand down my throat I feel him grab a hold of my tonsils and ripped them out like band-aids I dropped to my knees and satan grabs either side of my head Then he forcefully slams his huge devil dick into my mouth It snaps all of my teeth out and breaks my jaw on impact The devil then starts fucking my stretched open mouth and my mouth skin starts tearing along my cheek as the devil's dick expands The devil then moves his thumbs over my eyes and presses them deep into my skull I lose vision and the pain is making me lose consciousness. He presses my eyes deep into my skull While still powerfully fucking my head here we go brown screams the devil satan makes sure that I don't fully lose consciousness so that I can still feel everything Then it happens the devil begins ejaculating his devil juice shot out and collided with the back of my throat It was burning me and the smell was putrid I kept jetting it kept jetting out of his dick and started burning a hole through the back of my head The searing pain made me panic and I lash out But the devil was far too strong the hot hot cum jet broke through the back of my skull And the devil pulled my head further onto his dick His dick continued through the hole and my through through the hole in my skull And his hot cum had just made my my head was now threaded through his entire dick The devil finally retracted his dick and let my body collapse to the floor I knew I was moments from death But as I bled out from my injuries the last thing I remember is feeling the devil pissing on my back as I died and everyone laughing Then pop I woke up in the exact spot. I just woken up when I arrived I need to get out of here Oh man, it's not a bad deal though Partying for the rest of your life with our consequence. No, that is it wasn't as bad as it uh sounded What's wrong? No, there's not What there's a copy. No, we haven't even been screaming at all. There's a copy Yeah, oh my god Dude We'll pay for it. Don't worry Matt. We'll pay for it. Just enjoy it Matt Just enjoy it Matt. Matt, come on. Come on. Let's make some room for our friend Just a little bit of a dance for the brown Especially a brown brown. Yeah, don't worry Matt. We'll pay for it. It's all good. Just enjoy it From a distance Everyone listening and watching There is a policeman has just come in and started dancing for brown and yes, this is the bachelorette We organized for today. Yeah, come on. Give me some This is on us Matt Brown This is on us This is on us Come on, mate. Slap that ass Matt. Slap that ass, matey brown. This is for you Matt Brown This is for single you come on brown at least look him in the eyes. This is for you Come on brown. This is bachelor brown tonight. This is bachelor brown. This is the best bachelor brown we've ever had We found the one We found the one Maybe oh very fucking good very very good, dude Oh Look at that fucking rig on it. Holy shit. Turn around and show the camera. That is crazy rig Oh, man Very very good. All right, so as you As you're probably aware, we just come and come and have a seat in the middle here, dude Because we got a little task for you After this so as you're probably aware everyone Bachelor brown we hired a male stripper to come and give brown a bit of excitement and to something to go home with Mentally So you can go home now matt and you can enjoy whatever thoughts you have About dom, is it? It is dom. Of course, it's dom because that's what he doesn't use when he's fucking everything that moves And so matt this is for you you're welcome Like I know obviously dom isn't a potential partner But at the very least it gets you excited. It's hot like it's a good rig. Oh, you're the best-looking ones Oh very good dom very fucking good, man I was like, I thought you guys were gonna come in. I was like trying to stall but before the black book because I was like I saw the flag of like I saw the lights. I saw the flash of hair go past What did you think when james said the cops were here? Oh, did you? I saw it. Oh, okay. I might just be mad. It would have been a cat. It would have been a cat We're in a suit What did you did you believe james when he said the cops were here? Yeah a hundred percent He's a good actor. Oh, as soon as I saw the vest. I was like, that's What about the music? Imagine if cops always played that song even when for fucking like when they went to raid houses and shit But anyway, um We've got another task. Yeah. Yeah dom. I don't know. I don't know if you listen to the podcast But we've got a mate that we lie to every week. Okay, so the goal is every week to lie to locky Okay, that's a good the name of the segment and now I'll I'll feed you on on the lie this week So my partner is selling him a cactus. Okay, so he's bought a cactus My partner told him early in the week that it's going to get delivered tonight Right now it's it's getting delivered. So he's expecting a phone call from the cactus delivery guy Okay, so if if if you're up for it We use do you have a phone here with you? I do. Yeah, so we use your phone because he doesn't have your number saved That's okay. We'll call him off your phone and your name is one One and you're here with the cat. You're in the front of his house with his cactus So you're gonna lead him out of the house and just say like so all we have to do is literally just say Um, all we have to do is say, uh, um, hey man, it's one here. Um, I'm just out of the front Um, do you want me to leave the cactus somewhere or or or just say, oh, hey, man I'm out the front and then go from there. All we need him to do is just Believe it. So as soon as he believes it Yeah, yeah Yeah, it's like, oh, what like what do you mean? Yeah, yeah, shit like that. Yeah, and then when he's hooked in then we'll jump in like this is only be 30 I'm fucking yeah All right, so do you want to get your phone? Here we go. So lying to locky now should we merge the calls? Sorry about that Dude, we were meant to have Eila here to to I don't want that either to to numb the ball He had a fucking good rig. Oh, yeah You should have touched it. I did I was holding it back. He didn't enjoy it enough Matt. No, I can't embrace it That was an expensive job. We paid for it. Yeah. See you guys waste money sometimes Dude, that is not a waste of money. That is a grand scheme of things plan Imagine if he was the one you never know. Oh, he is number one. That's definitely the best on your board Here we fucking go. Dude, you know how stressful it's been you're fucking. I'm coming over later now to fucking reorganize everything Yeah, I was running away All right, here we go. This is lucky. This is lucky. Here we go Oh, I get it there matey. It's uh one here with your uh cactus. So I'm delivering it this evening My house goes home. So I'll come grab it When you when you leave it I'll leave it at the front steps Yeah, yeah I'm I'm not allowed to leave these packages at the front. Oh, okay one sec. Let me get my house base if you just knock I'll tell him. Oh, let me get him out Okay All right, he should be coming out any minute. Oh, is it is it the is it the house with the white fence the red brick? Um, no, it's got like a It's got Yeah, it's got it's got two. Um, it's got a silver car in the driveway Oh, yeah, wait a second. I'm just walking down. Let me just I must be just up the road from it Oh, yeah, I think the front light should be on. Yeah, it's silver car and I can see the lights on Yeah, yeah, it's like another place in the car. Cool. What was your uh, what was your mate's name? Just so I know that I did the Aiden. Okay. Yeah, he should hopefully he should be coming out in any minute Yeah, well, guess what Lucky you've been fucking lied to, cunt. This is a fucking lie That is fucked up, cunt That is fucking dog shit It's a cactus delivery Oh Dude a male stripper that we got on for bachelor brown Oh It's a fucking male strippers. Can you believe it mate? Holy shit Anyway, um, monal deliver the cactus I think tomorrow or the next day I thank you very much for supporting a little cactus business You're a good friend, and I'm sorry that I keep lying to you. Okay Anyway, we'll waste your time again later You won't know it though See you dude Well, it's the first day today. Oh, man, I'm so glad that that's over. You did very well Good thing on the feet to keep him on the fucking line for a bit longer. Very good. All right, dom. That's it man That's all we wanted you for dude. Thank you so much We might get a few fucking um chick viewers now. We should get a photo because that's probably yeah Yeah, that's true. All right. We'll get a Quick a quick bong break every line a quick bong break. Um, I'll just use that And we're back So look, okay, so Michael's not gonna eat anymore. Yeah, fucking hell. Wow boys Why we were just why we're just having our bong break. Um jackson message me said Locky has been talking about this cactus for a week. He was so excited That's my favorite so far. He wouldn't stop telling everyone. He's getting a sick cactus What a dickhead Fuck say that lucky message very very impressive. That was very good Oh Mon for fucking yeah, like if Mon wasn't telling me cactus, it would have been hard Um, fucking uh, fucking there we that's that's it All right. Look, we want to we've seen a few uh calls for the german segment to come back It will so If i'm gonna comment as martin and michael on this podcast's german segment if that gets a hundred likes We'll start it up again next week. All right. We know nicky's put in a lot of hard work and we really appreciate that Don't worry nicky We have not forgotten. We have those pieces of paper and we will use them. Okay And we love you. Yeah. Thank you very much for doing that. We'll have taken days but anyway Matt let's hit some questions downtown and if you want us to answer your fucking questions All you have to do is comment a question on the mighty michael fully actual youtube channel Cow first. Sorry. Sorry to break your stride and the ones who get the most likes are the ones we answer first Okay, so comment your question and then have a scroll through and like the other questions that you want us to answer What did you fucking say matt? All right, fuck it. We'll do the cow first which is the comment of the week And this is where matt just has just picked a random comment that he really likes and if you win this by the way You're in the running for a thousand dollars at the end of the season That's a separate comment competition. There's two of them. That's crazy news dick. You're so stoned right now How can you tell the eyes are just beaming? Just laughing at all he's seeing is bodies and murder Anyway, so yeah comment heaps. I guess it's what we're saying Sorry, I love reading the comments comment reading the podcast some of them are so funny So I'll sit there high sometimes pissing myself laughing and mon sits up. She's like, what are you fucking laughing at? You're keeping me awake, huh? Oh that word too. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she struck her beer like that What's up? Oh nothing Anyway, sorry So comment of the week went to adam adam adam. Yeah, it's adam goff goff Got freed we got you got freed. Don't you forget you dick adam goff got freed Um, and his comment. Uh, he's sorry. He's cow. He's comment of the week winner was You guys have ruined ice cream for me. Uh, and he's referring to a website video Where we um wanted to see if you if you eat ice cream It's a vomitor backup refreeze it and then eat it again if it take if it holds its flavor And if ice cream, yeah, you can just eat ice cream In forever bit of the sugar up into your body because everyone was complaining that there was like oh Corn's not enough. We want something better. They wanted a dessert So referring to the corn video where we ate corn shattered out ate it again Proving that you don't need to buy lots of food just buy corn So you can we solve starvation right there, but we've gone the extra mile and made a perk with dessert Anyway, all of those videos are on our website. Obviously we can't post that shit to social media hit us with some questions. Can't Sorry, sorry, um All right, top question went to steven hunt Um, could we uh, so will we get another diary entry from julian woods ever? He has missed him and he's wondering if they're gonna. How many likes does that have I got 73? All right, fucking I'll ask him all right. I promise I'll ask him I can't guarantee that it'll be back next week. Well, he did. I'll ask make an appearance in the black book Yes, so so that was we didn't even talk about that by You what julien is in hell with you and you've never mentioned that to us just happen You just expected that we should know that about julien that he's a demon It kind of makes sense. It's not up to me to tell personal things about people No, you're right. I respect that so He's your friend too when he wants to reveal things about his personal life to you He will do it. Do you reckon it would be pissed off that we've read that it is what it is Fuck no, uh, he's he's warm. He's warm blooded. So yeah, so yeah, so hot sometimes Must be because he comes up from the must have just been down recently elevated Demon sorry All right, that was the top question I don't even remember the question. Oh, he's just wondering if uh, if we can get some That's look if that's what the people want. So I'll ask julien. Okay We'll see flay Next question is from um, egypt Oh See smoking right before questions so difficult because each question takes so long because you'll make a little sound And he will lose Next question Okay, whoa, that was good though. You gotta admit that Once yeah, I went inside the pyramid Is from decoda, um When lock is eventually institutionalized that's a big word. Who else could you lie to who else are we gonna get on as long We're gonna lie to jackson. Are we gonna lie to Are we gonna lie to other people? Um, look, well, I mean thought that far ahead. Let's just let's just get him into therapy first It's all it's all a long road ahead We can make him question his own reality We're gonna make the therapist eventually lie to him. Yeah, that's the end goal with this Yeah, we want to convince him that he's not locked And then we'll come out from behind the curtains all clapping about dude. This is all been a big joke man Just relax. It's all good I'm not lucky What do you mean? I'm not lucky And then you'll be like real real relieved. You're like, oh, thank god, and then we'll retract back into where we came from Like it is real straight down That was real that was a lie and then we'll go down the floor Oh Okay, holy shit next question is from long neck german Hmm And he asked Muddy and michael, what is the worst thing you have ever done as a kid? slash teenager What's the worst thing you've ever done? Probably know what you've done as an adult but as a kid some pretty gross things with bullying Yeah, but um like I was mean to my sister once and I scratched her in the face when I was a little kid and I Cut deep my mom thought I scarred her and she came at me with a wooden spoon hardcore I killed a whole like family of birds I don't know. I feel like they weren't born yet. I just flipped the nest. I didn't flip the nest I will say someone else, but I was telling him to flip the nest. We're gonna get too much hate for that No, no, but we recovered. We were as a kid. I didn't know what any better Then we felt bad for accidentally flipping the nest. We just wanted to see what was in the nest Did you blame it on someone else? So a friend? I won't name him He jumped up and like he I made him climb. I didn't make him And then he I told him to flip it and he flipped it. I was like, oh my god. What have we done? Think we'll like you want. Oh, so you're super young and then I was like, fuck. Let's go like cook them Let's cook them. So what we did we felt bad about flipping the nest realizing that all these little birds are like Yeah, and they're like, well like fuck. We got to save them so and we told Every neighbor house to like every house consecutive and to one answer saying it was some teenagers and then We saved one bird's life That's a horror story. What'd you do? One of my friends once burned down a public toilet What was witnessed to that Really in clifton. Yeah. Well, not the whole toilet. Just the the seat the cubicle That's not that bad. Yes. And then what else was there? It's cute like he's a bird I did a lot of little naughty things. I think there was one. Oh, dude. I reckon The the bike on the train tracks. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like I said, some of the bullying things Living kids bikes on vain Me and Henry you work, you know year eight nine were very destructive at friends's house parties We would we wouldn't get invited anymore and then we'd be upset at them for not inviting us Obviously, they're not going to invite us because we just fucking destroy their houses because it's funny to only me and Henry Everyone else is like, dude, like, do you remember like Do you remember that dude's house? We won't name him but we like his parents would always forgive you. Oh, yeah, Matt. Yo, yeah Dude, I fucking love yo, man. We love going to his house And like his family like, you know really successful butcher chain of butchers And man, we would just be like yo, we're coming over. No, fuck off Don't no, no, fuck off And then we'd rock up at his house go straight to his dad's sports memorabilia room And just get fucked up on his alcohol that he had there How are we like this is like 15 14 Dude, they like had an egg fight in the pool room went all over the pool table. I think I've heard that story Yeah, then I remember when I was kissing everywhere Yeah, we just pissed everywhere and I kept trying to open the beer bowls on the on the bar I did though that was when they moved the wood off. That was when they moved in No, no, dude. I did that everywhere at Yo's. I would always chip the wood off with beer bottles Like they just moved house and it's like this new it was not one chip had been put in the bar yet I remember him just going Michael Then that night when everyone went to bed, we were just swinging glasses around Like pretending to be crazy, but then accidentally did let go of the glass and it just shattered this table And we're just standing there like going. Oh my god We just shattered a whole glass table to mention was pissing in our friends fridges whenever whenever anyone had gone to sleep Oh That is f**ked. What was wrong with you? Dude, I don't know. I don't know why we had the need to be so destructive and cunty When we were like 14 15 like there was no Thought of consequence. It was always like what's going to make us laugh. Nothing else mattered. Yeah, that's true. I guess Oh, now it's just anyone. It's not your friends. You destroy. Yeah, exactly Now we just lie to lucky different now. Now we just lie to lucky and that's our relief Yeah, yeah, you and pissing in the strange places I remember going on road trip with you and you just we got to every black place we stayed like remember We went to a motel and you just immediately pissed on the floor like right in the middle of the room Every overseas he just goes straight to the corner of the new like hostel that we're at Bang piss. We got kicked out of melbourne. We got kicked out of melbourne because Henry pissed on a bouncer Yeah, and he pissed out the window and it What happened to be on the bouncer down downstairs like three stories below us and he came bursting in the room And he's like get out get out. Well, what what what happened? What happened? He's like, why don't you use piss on me? Then we had to sleep in the streets. Yeah, we slept in at federation square just on the ground So cold Very good. There's so many people in the morning. Yeah. Oh man Very good. The holy shit when you're a kid. Holy We did some weird shit. Yeah We still do do weird shit. It's just a different version. Yeah, it's just not as it's like it's from disrespectful to like just I don't know. It's hard to explain. We're not as disrespectful. We have we have more empathy and we have like we consider others now Whereas before it we didn't if it made us one person laugh Just not even a lot of people just one person left. We do it Really being going down That could potentially kill someone that was more your adult side But we knew the people next to us would think it was fucking hilarious And then still remember the girls scream as the as it picked up speed and noise We've been flying down this really steep hill Oh my god, dude If anyone was out, I really want to hear a comment from someone who was down Imagine if that like if put made someone paraplegic and they're hearing this like that too Did it and then they come after us and then we have to hear it bang Oh, no, well, we would have started running and killing our friends were still at the party You would have known if it killed them the fuck the risks you take Oh For a laugh though, you know, it's just for a laugh kidnap a cunt He never fucking taken it in the woods We've done that too That's what I mean. That wasn't for a laugh though. That was just for money Yeah, he said you could do it Literally, I literally didn't laugh about that until we started telling other people like I was just like someone I was like, yeah, and then he fucking ran off So like that I wasn't didn't think that that was funny at all But looking back that is that is one of the greatest stories I couldn't believe any time still for ages. I thought that was a story. Show me the photo Yeah, exactly. And I knew I knew I was like I need to take a photo of this and no one's gonna fucking believe me And that's a story you tell your friends no one laughs. They're like, dude, like are you all right? Everyone was worried about it. It's real bad So like is everything all right, man? Like are you like working too hard or something? Like everyone's really just genuinely concerned for our well-being Dude, I just love I just wish I was there just to see the rage when you had the tennis racket in your hand Yeah, it was I could have been all right Oh, dude, I fuck I thought we were going to get a prison for life. Oh, you're gonna kill that man Imagine That could have happened. That was definitely a mr. Bourne story. I should have killed him In that state of mind, we were so so hammered with valiums in you. You're just like, oh But then we sobered up by the time that didn't kill him the time that that happened though We had sobered up pretty hard. Like I was very like this is so dumb. We can't not do this now Anyway, move on. Let's move on money will do next question is from William Are you guys are gonna sell or sell or auction the browns podcast baby that I always have in my hand I guess we can do if there's a huge demand for it then hell. Yeah, but like yeah I don't even touch it anymore because of stains Yeah, sorry about that Oh Brown tears next question is from mr. Ga Cooney Ga Cooney. Go Cooney um How did you guys get the idea for the game show host and where did Marty find the orange suit? What do you mean? I didn't the other game show host guy. Yeah. Yeah, he's um, where'd you find it? We should get him on the podcast. He's just a guy that randomly started appearing In your life, right? If no one knows what we're talking. Oh, yes Yes, James. Yes, James. Perfect timing. It's pin noir Such a beautiful little glass too. Sorry about that Oh Yeah, wow, holy fuck. That is very good. I'm not brown Not okay. Oh, yeah, that is very good It's a wine tasting now we're cultured. All right next question is from no way What was it? Where did you meet the game show host? Oh, they're the game show host. Yeah, um, and you know where he got his suit from So if no one knows what we're talking about, there's a guy who does videos with Michael on our backup page university Mark or he's like a weird character Um, and yeah, he just pops up every now and then and um, we film it and release his content. He's struggling financially I've sensed that from what I've gathered. I've been there. He's very strange, man. Anyway, let's not talk about it I don't want him showing up. Next question is from Caleb King. Um Can you rank the Australian states from best to worst? That that has likes a couple or I'd rather cut it. Yeah, same corner cut that question Question fucking Queensland number one Fucking you South Wales down the fucking bottom Tasmania number deuce Oh, I see that's good. You're ACT number dry. Yeah, I'll go ACT. We've got fucking Perth number four Can't Yeah, same shit same exact shit and that's it. Yeah, there's no other Or there's territories and the indian sea or the indiana ocean Territories the same as the states like what the fuck are they talking about the indian That is to explain esto and it's like, oh, how many states are there? Oh, these are the states But that's a territory. She's like, oh, what's like why is that a territory? So I don't know Yeah, it's just called a territory and there's one in the middle of the fucking New South Wales to the ACT I just tell it to google it fucking what the fucking territory shut up Australia So fucking weird Connor can you cut us saying we're going to cut it and then but then leave I reckon we leave all of that in Yeah, even this deliberation right now. Okay No, it's very whatever you reckon connor you just just make it as funny as what you know It can become next question is from Zach Jeanette How did you guys meet the cracker melt gang? Oh speaking of Connor he when Michael and I had our little production Fucking when we first started making videos connor was also making videos and yeah, we just met each other through content creation and he just happened to have Connors had just happened to have a super fucked up sense of humor like we do and we just funny guy And we just clicked and then fucking boom boom boom and now they're fucking and that was before Marty Michael was before cracker milk And now look now we're all making videos for a living But yeah, go and support cracker milk if you haven't already cracker milk on youtube We've actually been some of their bids Yeah, very funny short sketches. Have you watched the latest man? Oh, no, I don't support my friends What'd you see at home and watch porn? Um vampire wine. I've watched more cracker milk than I have your website. Anyway, moving on So far that's pretty mean We just fucking got you a stripper. See how lucky what mates get made strippers. See how lucky see how lucky supports Mon by buying a cactus Anyway, I should know I was concerned by a cactus for a lot of cactuses Yeah, I like every news That's what you're saying next question is from barmo underscore uk. Uh, have you guys been watching the commonwealth games? No, no way it's It's a cheap if it's it's on it's on and it's yeah, it's not the olympics though I don't know if there was golf on I'd look at it for a bit and then like keep walking Keep walking around the house Around the house that you're thinking about living in it's michael He's homeless at the moment Next question is from um Foggin dog Foggin dog come can you boys put the animated brown video on your twitter account? Oh, that's a great. I fucking did dude Yes, we can that's a great idea. Remind me to do that at the end. Also. It's on our um Oh, yeah, so twitter marty and michael obviously. No, we can't We can't Why Michael's making a stand Fuck it. Uh, we're not putting it on our twitter guys michael's feels passionately about this and it's just on our only fans Okay, only fans fully actual. It's on there for free. You don't have to know. Okay. Uh, you can't you know what? Fuck it. We're putting it on our twitter. All right. It's on our twitter right now as you're listening to this It's on our twitter at marty and michael. Fuck you matt brown you Pig sorry we can Next question is from ozzy um Why doesn't julian get on the podcast more or in other videos more is he Is he's still a main character with the marty and michael? Yeah, of course is he's just not around as much last year julian was Around us monday to friday and our days are very intense and now he um He's branching out and doing his own video. Yeah, he's doing his own shit And you know, he's just around us um less so therefore he's just naturally in videos less because he tried to shit on me today Well, he will be yeah, he will be shitting on you for the the steamer that we spoke of earlier. So But yes, he's a main character because what other person will do that Which is pretty cool. Well, there probably a few people out there who would like to shit on their boss comment Comment in the comments if you would be one of those people who would accept and genuinely think about it Would you shit on your boss if asked to matt? Oh See sure let us know. Would you shit on your boss? Okay in the comments. All right, and last question goes to hunter height Um, where did you guys find the brown? We found you hiding in a blockbuster amongst the adult section. Didn't we? Yeah, we did Matt was at a blockbuster and that's where james worked as well Yeah, so james and me became friends at the video shop and james took me out one night Tell us a video story A video story from the video james or just about the story just a funny blockbuster story of like a weird occasion in five seconds You reckon we'll get us off. Okay. Like enjoy. So, um When when we had the video shop We used to be a big they used to be mega stores and then they started chopping them down to make them more Money didn't have to pay so much rent. So when we chopped our store in half We had an empty shop next door and that was going to be a restaurant All right, and so they started putting in the plumbing for the restaurant and me and james There was a toilet in there. So we could use it We had the keys But they all the plumbing was done It's in the ground and one day I went in there and james was in there and he was just pissing into the pipe in the ground And we were like that's fucking hilarious. So we pissed into this pipe that hadn't been started yet For like a year because they didn't they renovated the shop and they held off and they held off for more and more So we just had this open pipe and we would piss every single shift like twice Into this pipe. Did you break it? It was in the ground. So it's huge. Did you shit in it ever? No never shadow, but we but what did something happen from it? so eventually a The restaurant didn't open and a computer repair place moved in there and opened their store in there And they took over that and put a kitchen in And all we know is That would have been full of piss when they finally connected those pipes So you're saying the piss would have come out of the taps? It would have just been I don't know if it's taps, but I wasn't there But the the piping for the for that kitchen would have been full of piss. Wow Just that's sort of cool. Yeah, let's hope that Someone drank it. Let's hope that they would wash their hands in the air Let's finger cross our fingers. They had a glass of water that day He was just a good thought ask james about it. He started it. All right. Well, um, let's have a um Before we do po boxes a quick bong break, okay Bong All together now Cut all of that and we're back All right, we're gonna do the po box if you want to send us some weird shit send it to po box 256 taken 4018 Queensland Australia We get sent all kinds of fuck shit and we always open it live on the podcast So we don't know what this stuff is. So it's always very exciting. Who's it from? All right, michael's just ripped straight into a package that we've been sent. What does it say? rondo Rhonda rhino rhino Oh Well, I saw a dm from these guys rhino is a uh a rock band Um, and they're they're pretty fucking good. Have you listened to the michael rhino got rhino We've got a few uh, there's winchester as well another rock band winchester and rhino They've sent us some shit If you're into rock music go and have a listen to rhino I think so. Yeah, fuck. Yeah. All right, and that is our po box segment. Thank you rhino All right guys, I'm fine time no more fucking around I'm gonna call a restaurant. I want to fucking make it very clear that i'm bringing my pig in whether they like it or not That's the mindset I have hell yeah They serve pig. They should let pig come in Same thing, right? So i'm gonna call a restaurant man as arnold fine and Demand that me and my service pig get a table tomorrow night Sorry about that. Sorry dude. Are you are you near me? Ha ha ha ha We'd really escalates the like the claila you're all over like like tonight heavily affected But then the other day you're fucking having beers too. Yeah, I've had well this I've only had three beers Technically we're gonna select. I shouldn't be that drunk. I've got to fucking having a few of the podcast though We'll fall back into nasty habits and before you know, we'll be fucking hanging in the closet in your house Oh The caretaker he's laughing That's what his reaction will be upon discovering our hanging finally a swinging corpses Finally that laugh right there If we want to get that kind of a laugh out of him, we should fake hanging ourselves Oh Dude, I've always wanted to try it like no no the prank Like have something that can stabilize it. So you actually look like you are. Yeah. Yeah, it would be Why don't they do it in films? Dude, okay, just imagine that would be fucked up. You'd have to build it up of depression. I would honestly do something like that to lock it Oh my god, he fucking you Frozen If you are struggling with mental health beyond blue they help with anxiety depression and suicide prevention Give my buzz. We don't mean to make light of suicide. Obviously as all of us have suffered from mental health ourselves Especially Matt Brown. Yeah as you're hearing from the black books. So I want to point it out on tiktok. They're like This this cunts doesn't have the accent down pat. It's like dude I don't prank. I don't I don't know what this accent is. I'm glad that it's a confusing accent I don't want people to think that Arnold fine is from a particular place when I'm calling them He's an egg. It adds to the confusion. Okay. I'm not purposely trying to do one accent This is a cluster fuck of all accents. I don't know what it is Did they say what they thought you were trying to do? Yeah, they're like, oh, there's like fucking french in here and then there's like Indian he sounds like he's fucking That's a whole point really hurt me is antarctican in him by the way Is there dinner rush too? So they'll probably be busy which is Oh, hello, my name Arnold fine. I look to book a table for two people to mojo nighter Two people your to mojo nighter Okay, you have you have uh, okay with surface animal come in with the people Or what are you okay with surface animal to come in with? When a lot any animals inside the restaurant, it's a surface animal. I have Surface animal. Yes. Yes. I have that's fine. Okay. I have a certificate to pick help me with Take me to bathroom and uh Flick around with me on floor. We play kiss kiss and stuff is a little picker Yeah, that's fine. Okay. So to be clear me my wife. She's sick, but she come And uh one surface pick Service pick. Yes. I have a Service uh certificate you need to see or not Yeah, that's fine. Okay. So tomorrow I come with my five One time Maybe uh seven Seven thirty. Uh, where you have a spot? I'd sprinkle seven thirty Uh, have spots No, no, no, maybe seven thirty my wife She like to sleep in a lot. Uh, maybe a little later seven thirty You write that down. Yeah, yeah, you write that down. You write down Make sure to make a north surface pick. Okay I do not want to uh come and they'll say oh, we do not have a pick here And they make a meager home with a sick wife and uh youth tray Yeah, I'll just double check and I'll be five seconds. Okay. Okay Uh Fuck uh, what problem, huh? What problem here, huh? Fuck Hello, I hear you giggle surface picker same thing, huh? dark pick Same thing. I'm sorry. Just double check with um my boss Um, is your pig big? It may be a 70 80 kilo So look like a big dog Same as a guide dog. You know a guide dog help Not see My surface pick Keep me calm and help me to toilet It's so it's 70 80 kilo so a big dog Hey, no, it's a it's a pig. It's a look like a big dog Pig dog. It is the same exact animal Same animal so Do you want me to pass you on to um my manager? Okay, if you need to do that. Okay. I talk to manager about the pig. Oh, fuck me, man Oh, sorry. Hi. Hello. Hello. I want to book a table, huh? Pardon I wanted to book a table uh tomorrow night Tomorrow night. Yeah, and I have a surface pick Sorry, I can't really feel I have surface pick a surface pick You have a surface pick? So yes, uh, correct. I have a surface pick He helped me to sit down and uh, he taken me to toilet and helped me Wipe him Bottom and stuff like that surface pick if you've never seen a surface pick Um, and how like how big is the pig? Like I said to other lady 70 80 Sorry, I'll just give you to my boss Oh You go come on. You'll be uh, you're fucking me around Come on. You're fucking me around now Hey, come on. I hear you're stalking Coward Now I fuck you, huh surface pick coming Sorry, I've just got to check with my boss Okay, okay. I hear to before you bitch Oh Oh my god That was that was like from one to another and then another that's so unprofessional, man If the boss came on that would have been the it was still fucking I could listen to Arnold Dude, I saw it live I reckon I could listen to Arnold I could listen to Arnold I reckon I could have nearly if I didn't go off the rails a bit. I could have convinced them to let me Like we should have rocked up tomorrow night with a fucking pig filmed it Because the first employee was like a pig. Yeah, okay. I like was a bit unsure It was only when I reiterated and was like so I'm gonna come tomorrow with a pig And you guys aren't gonna turn me away, right? That was when she was like, oh, hang on. I better check Oh, man, let's just go there with a picture of a pig and say, hey, look Oh, we'll go there with Bosley come and I'll cut his tail off and we'll sew a little wiggle one on Oh, man, that was I love hearing Arnold's fight like feisty like side. He gets so cranky Oh, he gets very close Fuck you Oh That's a bit of luigi Yeah, I know it reminds me of that thailand trip and it just it brings back memories and I just love that character Anyway, guys, please like comment subscribe or give us a five star review on Spotify If you liked the podcast And let us know in the comments what segments you miss what you want to bring back and what you fucking hate Because we love doing this shit for you dogs now shit off and fuck off because we're the best dogs in the kennel We're the best. We're the best We're the best dogs in the kennel. We're the best. We're the best. Say it matt best dogs in say it You got a stripper for you. You can't we pay for it. We're the best. We're the best We're the best. We're the fucking best. We're the best two camera angles Oh, yeah, shit apart from that. We're not the best. Sorry about that. We were very good