 If you are mentally or emotionally broken and you're out there in the dating world trying to find a partner You are an extremely selfish and self-centered person and it's a problem in this video We're gonna talk about it and we're gonna find the solution. So make sure that you stick around What's up everybody? This is Chris from the rewired soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution This video is a follow-up to one of my last videos titled stop dating broken people And if you haven't watched it yet, go ahead and stop this video check the info card go watch it Then come back and watch this one because this is part two when we're talking about broken people dating So as many of you know, I'm a recovering drug addict and alcoholic but I'm also someone who struggled with clinical depression as well as a generalized anxiety disorder and Something that they kept telling me was don't date your first year and I'm like why and there's a whole bunch of reasons for this But this isn't just for people who are addicts and alcoholics. So don't run away. Yeah This is for anybody who is mentally broken or emotionally broken All right Something that I started to realize when I was working on myself and I was working on my mental and my emotional health Was my selfishness and self-centeredness. What's this mean? Everything I was doing in life was all about me. It was about me me me me see I thought I always thought that I was a good boyfriend, you know, I'd I cook dinner. I buy flowers. I get chocolates I give her money to go out and buy clothes I give her money to go get her nails done her hair done all these things I thought this was what it meant to be a good boyfriend But the reality was was that I was in no place to be dating anybody. I Was what we call Taking people hostage and what this means was I was holding these women in my life And I was making them take pity on me and they would feel bad for leaving me because they knew how depressed I was or you know, how much worse my addiction would be if they left me and that is so selfish and self-centered and Like I mentioned in my last video that I'll also link in the info card like I Was a scummy dude and that that to me is what scummy people do They know that they are broken and they keep putting themselves out there to bring you into the mess With them and we got to stop doing this We got to stop and now you're like, oh Chris, but Chris, I need somebody I need I get so lonely like That's what I'm talking about. That's that selfishness and self-sitterness You are more concerned about your loneliness Then the mental or emotional well-being of somebody else How can you truly be in a healthy relationship? If you know if you know for a fact that you can't give them everything that they need To put it blatantly like I stayed single for 18 months. That's right. Ladies and gentlemen 18 months so don't run up in here talking to me about how lonely you are because I did it I knew I knew for a fact that it was unfair to bring somebody Into a relationship with me knowing that they were gonna have to deal with all this craziness up here. I Decided to work on myself until I did that I wanted to make sure that I could be everything that my partner needed me to be You guys got to go out there and focus on yourself and work on yourself Before you start bringing people into this chaos that is our lives like if you need emotional support That's what friends are for that's what support systems are for that is what family is for and to be quite honest The only thing that you're missing out on is sex. That's that's just the the God's honest truth That is the only thing that you're missing like Right now it's 2017 you can go out and hire a professional cuddler right now my little lovely cat is Wandering around right there get a cat get a dog snuggle with that take care of that thing show that thing Love and affection, but the best thing that I learned during my 18 months of saying single was how to love myself. I Could never I could never fully love another human being until I learned how to love myself See the biggest problem is is that so many of us with emotional or mental issues We see ourselves as this incomplete thing, which is true, but the the Fiction that we tell ourselves is that we need another person to fill That gap that we have inside of us and the reality is is that that is not going to solve the problem It is not going to solve it might solve it in the short term Maybe but you are never fully healing that hole that you have with inside you So this is why you need to quit chasing after relationships looking for people to fix you because A it doesn't work and B It is extremely selfish and self-centered what you need to do is figure out whatever Your path of recovery is mentally emotionally spiritually whatever it is You need to get to a place where it is okay for you to date when you know That you can give the other person everything that they need you can be self-less in a relationship Rather than selfish like how is it fair to another person to let them date me? Pretend that I have my stuff together and after five seconds of dating I'm texting them every five minutes like why aren't you talking to me? Why aren't you talking to me? Why aren't you showing me attention? And I'm getting jealous because I'm insecure because I still have that hole within side of me and I hope I hope I'm getting through to some of you I hope that you're not doing this because what this does is it only hurts your mental and emotional state even more because You realize pretty soon in that relationship that you're not good enough for that person So quit putting yourself in that position in the first place wait until you are healed fully To start putting yourself back out there and make sure that you subscribe to my channel I will do more videos on how you do this and the process towards doing this right now I simply want you to recognize it and begin working on yourself. Stay single for a while I guarantee it will help you out. All right, but if this doesn't relate to you Please share it with a friend because I know you got one who's doing this All right, but if you liked this video go ahead and give it a thumbs up And if you haven't yet the little subscribe button is right below this box Be sure to click it and over to the left right there click or tap on one of those thumbnails Check out some of the other videos on this channel. Thanks for watching everybody. I'll see you next time