 We'll be looking today at verses one through twelve, and let me share with you how we're going to go about this. I'll share with you an introduction out of verse one. Then I'm going to look at verse two. Then we'll pick up at verse three and go to verse twelve. I'm especially going to be speaking to you, and you'll see this concerning a question that is being asked of the Lord Jesus Christ by a religious group called the Pharisees, and it pertains to divorce. And so we're going to be looking at the very difficult subject of divorce today, but we'll begin with an introduction. So I'll read verse one to you, give you some background, move to verse two, give you a little more, and then we'll move on into verse three and follow that to verse twelve. So beginning at verse one, reading verse one, Matthew chapter nineteen. It came to pass when Jesus had finished these saints that he departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. Now as we've been going through Matthew, we've been in chapter eighteen, and when you're in chapter eighteen, you see that the Lord Jesus was teaching on a variety of subjects. He had spoken concerning humility. He spoke concerning avoiding causing offenses, of seeking out the lost, of dealing with conflict amongst fellow believers. He spoke of church discipline and concluded with the preeminence of forgiveness. Now that's what you see in chapter eighteen. And so as he moves into chapter nineteen, he begins to give practical instruction concerning one result of having an unforgiving heart. He speaks concerning what happens when someone's heart has become hardened and the fruit of a hardened heart. He speaks concerning divorce. And so as we're looking at this passage here in verse one, we have what is called the setting. Well the setting is this. Jesus has been ministering in the region called Galilee for around two years. When you look in your map, when you have your Bible, you open it up to maps and you look at the map of Israel. Israel was divided into three sections. You have the northern portion, Galilee, the central portion that was called Samaria, and the southern portion and that would be Judah. So what you have here is you have Jesus who's been ministering to the north, in the north, in the region called Galilee. And what Jesus is about to do is from the north, he's going to go south and then to the east and he's going to cross the Jordan River and he's going to go into a region that is called Peria. And that's what it says here. It says it came to pass when Jesus had finished these saints, he departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan, which is a region that is called Peria. And so as he is there, verse 2 tells us, great multitudes followed him and he healed them there. Now when Jesus is ministry, Jesus would actually have two things, at least two, there were actually more, but I'll concentrate on two things that acted as credentials confirming his call. One of the things Matthew refers to here in verse 2 where it says that the great multitudes followed him and he healed them. So one of the things that the Lord Jesus did is he would heal people. These multitudes are people who are pilgrims and they're on their way to celebrate one of the feasts. And as they're on their way to celebrate, there are multitudes and Jesus begins to minister and as he ministers to them, notice with me according to verse 2, he heals them there. Now when Mark gives us the same account, he also tells us, and he says it in verse 1 of his particular Gospel, that the people gathered to him again and as he was accustomed, he taught them again. And so the two things that you see very often in the ministry of Jesus is miracles or healing and teaching. Those were confirming credentials. Why did Jesus heal and why did Jesus teach? He did so to point himself out as Messiah. So Matthew is reminding us of that in his first two verses of chapter 19. He's reminding us that Jesus Christ was a minister in power, not only by the words that he spoke, but he also ministered in power by the miracles that he performed. And so he would be moved with compassion. They were like sheep without a shepherd and he would teach them many things and he would heal their sick. Now that was one of the ways to confirm that Jesus is the Messiah. You see we speak about Jesus as if everybody knows this and the fact is not everybody does. We speak about Jesus and say he's the Messiah. And others will say, well that's your opinion. That's your opinion that he's the Messiah. So we point to Scripture and we say, well wait a minute, Jesus Christ works that he did confirm the words that prophets spoke concerning him over seven centuries before. For example in the book of Isaiah in chapter 42 verses 6 and 7 referring to Messiah, God had spoken through Isaiah and said, I the Lord have called you, speaking of Messiah, I have called you in righteousness and will hold your hand. I will keep you and give you as a covenant to the people, as a light to the Gentiles, to open blind eyes, to bring out prisoners from prison, those who sit in darkness from the prison house. And so the prophet had spoken concerning the work of Messiah that he would come and he would open blind eyes. He spoke concerning the fact that he would be a miracle worker and that he had been sent by God for that purpose. And so Jesus Christ is doing the work of Messiah. His credentials are being established. He's teaching concerning the things of the kingdom and he's casting out demons and healing the ill and performing all manner of miracles which demonstrates his credentials that he is the one whom God said he would send. So as all of this is taking place, he now encounters the religious leaders in verse 3. It says, the Pharisees also came to him, testing him and saying to him, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife, not noticed for just any reason? Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason? These are the Pharisees, the separated ones. And they came with a reason. The reason was, notice here in verse 3, to test him. This question that they're asking is one of the most important questions that could be asked. In essence, they're saying something like this, men and women are so different, how can two remain one? And so the question is posed, notice as a test, the word test in the original language means to test maliciously, to do so craftily. There is a trap that is being set, in other words. Remember with me, as we saw in verse 1 that he is in the region of Judea, beyond the Jordan. That region is called Peria. Peria is the region that Herod was ruling over. Herod is the individual that took John the Baptist, imprisoned him, and then ordered his head to be removed from his shoulders. And so in essence, Jesus could be in danger, because the question is being asked of him in the same region Herod oversees, which could be that they could take his answer, report it to Herod, and it could be that Herod might seek to arrest him. And so it's a test, they're wanting to get him to say something that perhaps they can use against him. Now the question noticed with me relates to divorce. Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason? Now divorce was an issue that was debated in the time of Christ. It continues obviously to be debated today. And so let me begin by saying this, let me lay a foundation for this and I'll go a little bit further. Up until the first half of the 20th century, divorces in the United States were relatively rare. There were various things that our society, the American society, there are various things within our society that used to contribute to the longevity of marriage. For example, we had the encouragement of the immediate family as well as friends. When a young man and a young woman got married in the early days of our society, up until the middle of the 20th century, when a young man and young woman got married, the mom and their dad, brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles, grandma, grandpa, whomever was alive and all of that at that time, friends would all join together and they would all encourage this young couple to remain married. You did not have a lot of people who would say, if it doesn't work out, it's okay, it's just your first marriage, you can always do better in your second. That didn't happen. That didn't happen. You know, we use the term today like it's your trial marriage, you know, all marriages are trials, but it's your first marriage, it's where you learn some things and then you enter into your second and you're better at it. Now that was not heard of in the United States up until the middle of the 20th century. There was a very supportive unit for the couple that was made up of family and friends. And then there was a second thing and that was the expectations of society as well as the legal system because societal expectations and the legal system combined to support marriage and biblically based morality. Society in general had certain expectations regarding marriage and divorce and people in general encouraged and expected married couples to remain together. That was the society that I grew up in, a society that expected you to remain together and as it may appear to those who are young today as mean, spirited and hateful as it may appear today in the 50s, 60s, early 60s. When you spoke about easy divorce, you were not speaking about the average person. You weren't speaking about the person who lived next door or across the street or up the street. You weren't speaking about a mom or a dad that you knew that was a parent of one of your friends or one of the neighbors who lived a few blocks away. You were speaking about easy divorce, you were speaking about what we used to call Hollywood marriages. Hollywood marriages. What were Hollywood marriages? An actor, an actress get married because they're physically attracted to one another but they get divorced quickly and that's why you'd have Elizabeth Taylor with several husbands and all and everybody knew about that. That was called a Hollywood marriage. Today that's looked at as being hateful but in the 50s and 60s that was simply having common sense. People saw that and they said that's what they do. They're married for the wrong reasons and that's because our society was opposed to easy divorce and the laws made it difficult to get divorced. The strict laws made divorce difficult and community peer pressure stigmatized easy divorce. As I grew up and I realize of course that it was another day but as I grew up up until the early 60s I've tried to remember how many friends of mine who grew up in what we used to call a broken home, a divorced family and in my early childhood from when I was born until the early 60s I only knew two people from divorced families. Every other friend of mine that I grew up with, every friend of mine that I grew up with had a mom and dad who remained together, everyone. It was just unheard of, it just didn't happen even in the early 60s and society was of that nature. It said, no, you make it. You got married, you hold fast to your vows and then church in general, the moral teaching of the church acted as a glue. The teaching of the church helped to keep marriages together. See, churches in general took God's word seriously on this matter and so the church would encourage forgiveness and faithfulness to one another and as a whole church teaching encouraged trusting God and keeping your vows. They remembered Malachi 2.16, I hate divorce as the Lord God of Israel and would teach that. That's common. I mean in church whenever the subject of marriage would come up in divorce, they were faithful by and large for years to what the word of God has to say, but in our day divorce in the United States occurs frequently. Somebody wrote 41% of first marriages end in divorce. 60% of second marriages end in divorce. 73% of third marriages end in divorce. Think about that statistic. It doesn't get less, it gets greater. There are those who say, well, I've learned from my mistakes and I won't repeat them. Well, statistics seem to prove that to be a wrong assumption. It seems that the people who divorced and remarried very often didn't learn anything and by their third marriage it's demonstrated by a 73% divorce rate. So it's not as if you're going to learn wisdom from those who've gone before you and have divorced. If you want to get wisdom when it comes to how to remain married, it's always wise to learn from those who've made the mistakes and all of course, but to look to somebody who's been successful and ask them what have you done because that's what really helps us the most. One family law attorney published the following divorce facts. He writes, in America, there is one divorce approximately every 36 seconds. That is nearly 2,400 divorces per day, 16,800 divorces per week and 876,000 divorces per year. He writes, the average length of a marriage ending in divorce is eight years. People wait an average of three years after a divorce to remarry if they remarry at all and the average age for couples going through their first divorce is 30 years of age. Interesting statistics, especially this one where it says the average length of a marriage ending in divorce is eight years. There used to be a saying. When I grew up hearing it was called the seven-year itch. Anybody ever hear that? The seven-year itch. Well, divorces occur in the eighth year. Very interesting statistically. Now, each one of those who have been involved in divorce obviously suffer, but very often it's the children who suffer the most. Not only the married couples, but grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends all suffer. And one writer pointed out that in the case of divorce, that the little boys suffer the most when the divorce occurs. There are so many things that happens, and some of you have gone through this. I'm saying things that you're personally aware of. This of course is in no way any condemnation to you, by the way. Please don't think that I'm putting you down. I'm just giving statistics and trying to share some remedies to this. Please understand that. But the bottom line is divorce in and of itself, though it may be something that occurs, it's not always something that occurs without it being difficult. Adjusting. You adjust to so many different things. Like the parents of the daughter or the son, they have adjustments to make, too. They adjust to a new spouse. They adjust to feelings of anger towards the ex. The parents, like the mother or whatever, has to be careful. The mother of children has to be careful not to speak badly of the ex, especially in front of the kids. Sometimes you can have bitterness over the way that they're treating your child if you're the parent. You can have anger overseeing the lack of financial support or unreasonable demands that are being made. It's difficult to share holidays adjusting to different moral lessons that are being taught to the child as they spend time with their dad or their mom. It's just a variety of feelings that you have to deal with. So divorce may be understandable under some conditions, but it's never easy on the people going through it. It's more the ones who are suffering along with the son or the daughter who's gone through the divorce. So divorce is a very difficult topic to deal with. I want you to see here that Jesus is being asked a question concerning divorce, and the question is, what is a legitimate reason for divorce? In verse 3, when they ask the question, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason? We'll look at that in a moment. I want you to notice how Jesus answered in verse 4. It says, have you not read that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? Have you not read? You, in other words, by the way, if you underscore something, you might want to underscore that question that Jesus says, have you not read? Because that's actually a very pointed statement to these Pharisees. These are the religious experts, and he's basically saying to them that they're ignorant of what God's word says. It's a very pointed statement. He's making a very strong statement. You who pride yourselves on your biblical knowledge, do you not recall what God has said? You see, God is the one who invented marriage, if you will, and because God is the one who invented marriage, then you need to look to the scriptures, and that's why he says, have you not read, that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female? What he's doing is he's supplying the answer through Scripture. It's not an opinion, in other words, that he's giving. It's an answer through Scripture. And so he begins by speaking of the original creation of abandoned woman, and he quotes Genesis 1.27. Now notice what it says. It says he made them male and female. In Hebrew, this is literally the one male and the one female. So among other things, this shows us that divorce and remarriage were not originally options. He didn't create Adam and Eve with spares. There was one man and one woman. That's the point he's making. So it wasn't like he said, if you don't like Eve, you know, there's always the Loris. He didn't say that, and that's how it is. So he's saying, one, have you even read your Bible? You who pride yourself in your knowledge of the word, you who claim to be a teacher of others, do you not teach yourself? Have you not read the account of creation? He who made them in the beginning made them male and female, and he went on to quote a second portion in Genesis 2, verse 24. And it says, for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one female. And the two shall become one flesh. He made them male and female. The two shall become one flesh. Now, a man shall leave and shall be joined. A man shall leave and a man shall cleave, shall be joined. When he says a man shall leave, the word leave means literally to leave behind. The word leave is used of a person who, on being called away, cannot take anybody else with them. I've been called away. When I got drafted and I went into the military, I couldn't take my mom and my dad with me. I went on my own. I was to leave. And that's what the husband is to do. He's to leave. He leaves everything behind, and then he cleaves. The word cleave means to glue together. It speaks of joining yourself closely with someone else. It speaks of adhering or even sticking to. So you have left behind, and you're going on your own, just you, God, and this person, and you're gluing yourself to them. And that's what Jesus is saying, marriage is. It's leaving and cleaving. And so God intends marriage to be filled with total commitment and total consecration to one another. If you get married with this idea like, if it doesn't work out, there's always somebody else, you're not going to make it. There are no spares. There are no alternatives. That's why you better be sure, when you get married, that this is the one. When I got married, I was standing in the front yard of my parents' house. We got married. Marie and I got married in my parents' backyard in Norwalk. And I'm just standing there waiting for my guest to arrive. Our guest to arrive. And as I was standing there, people began to walk up to me and my friends, and they shake my hand. And I'm standing in the front yard as they're rolling up and parking the cars. And they're walking past me, shaking my hand. And they're saying, how you doing, Dave? I said, fine. I'm doing good. You nervous? No? No? Another one rolls up. How you doing, man? Good, good. You nervous? No? I got nervous. Five or six guys later, I'm thinking, I think I'm supposed to be nervous. I hadn't been. But I did. And then, there I am in the wedding. And I've got the minister in front of me and the best man and maid of honor there. And as I'm looking at this small group, we only had 100 people as guests. There are three women that I could be dating. That's a fact. There's one over there. There was one over there. There's one over there. And I'm saying to myself, you are in love with this woman, aren't you? You are. Because there's no more going out with anybody else. Not like I was always going out. But, man, when you get married, it's like you have that boat and you climb on the shore and you burn the boat. You're not going back. Are you ready to burn the boat? Are you nervous? And I say this quickly, but I say it sincerely. I am so blessed and happy to be married to my precious wife. Of course I am. But that doesn't mean that going into such a commitment is easy. It's not, is it? It really takes a lot of prayerful consideration because you leave and you cleave and that is it. And I actually began to wonder whether or not that I could fulfill, whether or not I could fulfill such an oath to God. Because I was not making my oath to the minister. I was not making my oath simply to the witnesses. I was making my oath to my God. And it really hit me hard. So God intends us to be totally committed and totally consecrated to one another. He speaks concerning the one flesh and that one flesh, the two become one, reflects the oneness that is realized in your commitment, your physical commitment. The one flesh is a term that some have used as, in this way, they say it's a composite unity. There are two individuals who become the one. So when somebody speaks about the Rosales, as we'll say, or whatever your last name may be, they're speaking not just of David. They're speaking of David and Marie. They're speaking of us. We are the two who have become one. That doesn't mean that we no longer have individual and distinctive personalities and traits, et cetera. But those two have become the one and that's what happens. We are one now. In 1 Corinthians chapter seven, verse four, it says the wife's body doesn't belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. So somebody said the husband and the wife are to be inseparable until death. In God's eyes, they are the total possession of each other, one in mind and spirit, in goals and direction, in emotion and will. And so the Lord is speaking concerning this. What God has joined together, let not man separate. What God has joined, that word joined means to yoke together. It speaks of them being united, each together both pulling life's concerns. It's like oxen that are in the same yoke, moving in the same direction, pulling life's concerns together. You are joined together. You are yoked together. God has joined you in marriage and that is the incentive to remain married. Malachi 2.11 refers to marriage as the Lord's holy institution which he loves. It is God who joined you together, not the justice of the peace and not simply the minister officiating. It is God himself who has made you one. So that's a pretty straightforward answer, wouldn't you say? But notice their response, verse seven. They said to him, why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce and to put her away? Interestingly, they were experts in the law of Moses. They would know what had been written concerning marriage. Yet they ignore passages that deal with marriage and they want to debate passages that relate to divorce. What they're doing here, it would seem, is that they are appealing to Scripture for an escape clause. They're looking to the Bible for an escape clause. Personally, I never cease to be amazed at how people can twist Scripture to make it say what they want it to say. I'll never forget when this church was very young, how I was in my office doing some ministry counseling to a young couple that I had known. I had known the young man since he was around 17 or 18 years old. And I knew his wife for around the same length of time. They were the same age. I was an assisting pastor in another fellowship and when this church began, they came over and were part of the nucleus, part of the core when the church began. So I'd known them for a number of years before the church began here and the church had already been going for about a year or maybe two and there they are in my office and she's speaking to me, telling me that she wants a divorce. A husband, the minute she uses the word divorce, begins to cry because he came from a home where the dad and mom had divorced and the worst thing you could ever say to this guy was you're gonna get a divorce. It broke his heart and I knew that very well. I'd known him as I said for a few years at this time and there she is seated across from him and says, I don't know, I think I should probably just get a divorce and I still remember looking at her as she said divorce, looking at him, just to see him hurt. I'll never forget that. The way she looked at him, there was a sense of pleasure in her face when she said that because he immediately began to weep in front of her. But the thing that was also painful about that was how that she wanted to twist scripture to justify her divorce and seated across from me, she said, you know, I've been reading, God has a perfect will and God has a permissive will is what she said to me. God's permissive will was for me to marry him. God's perfect will is for me to divorce him and marry his best friend. True story, I'm not making this up, I'm actually bringing it down emotionally for you. But that's what she said. God's perfect will is for me to divorce him and marry his best friend. And that's exactly what she did. She divorced this young man and married his best friend. It never ceases to amaze me how people will find a scripture to give them permission to break God's word. They find one and they say, see, see, God is a God of grace. God is a God of mercy. God is, of course, and God also is a God who says, I hate divorce. God is also a God who says, it is my holy institution, which I love. So you have to balance scripture out. That's what's taking place here. Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason? That's the argument. That's what they're posing to Jesus. Well, when Jesus responds and says, oh, marriage is intended to last a lifetime, well, now they're gonna pull out of their hat, if you will. The question, verse seven, well, why then did Moses, now notice command to give a certificate of divorce and put her away. So they're more interested in justifying their own understanding of the law of Moses than they speak concerning what is called a certificate of divorce. A certificate was proof that a divorce had actually taken place, saving the woman from being labeled an adulteress if people thought she had lied. So it authenticated her claim that divorce had occurred and you would get it from a rabbi. And so this was a certificate or proof justifying the divorce. But in their question, they're actually referring to something found in the Old Testament. When they say, why did Moses, they're referring to an Old Testament passage found in Deuteronomy, the fifth book of the Old Testament, chapter 24, verses one through four. Turn your Bibles there with me for a moment. And I'll show you this. I'm gonna develop this. It'll take a few minutes, but you'll see the point in a moment. Deuteronomy 24. Deuteronomy is the fifth book of the Old Testament beginning with Genesis, fifth book later, Deuteronomy. This is a passage that deals with remarriage. Deuteronomy 24, verses one through four. This is what they're speaking about when they're arguing with Jesus concerning Moses, giving them a certificate of divorce and commanding to give a certificate of divorce to put her away. In Deuteronomy 24, beginning at verse one, when a man takes a wife and marries her and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, sends her out of his house. When she has departed from his house and goes and becomes another man's wife, if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house. Or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she's been defiled. For that is an abomination before the Lord. You shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God has given you as an inheritance. So here's the heart of this question. Let me develop it with you. The heart of the question hinges on the definition of what he was speaking about when it says he has found some uncleanness in her. During the time of Christ there were two rabbis who were very influential. One of the rabbis' teachings that were very influential one of the rabbis was Rabbi Hilal. Now Rabbi Hilal interpreted indecency or uncleanness as anything that is displeasing to the husband. Anything that displeases the husband. So if I'm married and my wife doesn't treat my mom with respect when my mom walks in the house I could write her a certificate of divorce according to Hilal. If she does anything, she gains a few pounds out the door. If she burns my food, you know when we got married we'd be divorced thousands of times. When we first got married, my girl Marie had never cooked. She had never cooked. She didn't have to. Her mama made all the meals. Marie went to college, mama would make the meals. Marie had really no experience. She never did the wash. She didn't do cooking. She didn't do those things. And now she's a married woman. And so she's learning to cook on me. And I'm telling you, she would work. She'd go to work at 11, she'd get off eight hours later, come home and I would be eating Monday through Friday, sometimes on Saturday. I would be eating my dinner at 10 o'clock at night and she would come home and Marie did not know at that time how to portion meals. So she would just go and buy all this food and she'd put it in front of me. And it would be a lot of food. And I had to eat it because, I mean, you know, you don't say, you know, so I, and I gained 18 pounds in about a month. I mean, I just, and then she's saying, how'd you get so fat? Why are you so fat? I mean, come on. One of my meals that I still to this day really liked is some of you are very familiar with this, is steak piccolo. I like steak piccolo. Well, Marie went out and bought some very hot chilies. Hot. It was like, she now she doesn't buy canned food. She now makes it all from scratch, but she just not get these. And she put the whole thing in and made it up. I still remember sitting at that table eating with tears, literally in my eyes. I am not kidding. Tears and I go, oh man. You know, she goes, oh, you really like it? Oh yeah, it makes me cry with joy, you know. Oh, pain. Talk about pain. I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you. Here's the certificate, get out of here. Because that's what you do. I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you. Get out. And now that's Hillel. And that actually did happen during the time of Christ. And the rabbi said, listen, if there's anything that is indecent, anything unclean, something that displeases you, you can divorce her. Then you had a second opinion. That was from Rabbi Shemai. Rabbi Shemai was more strict. And so he taught that uncleanness, being spoken of in Deuteronomy 24, is referring to adultery. And so on the one hand, you have a kind of frivolous, if you will, just like any reason goes, versus no, it's specific. It's the sexual sin of adultery. But both interpretations fell short of its intent. The word uncleanness found in Deuteronomy 24, literally, literally means nakedness, shameful exposure, nudity, or disgrace. The word uncleanness speaks of every improper or indecent behavior, unbecoming to a woman that results in embarrassment to her husband. The question would be asked, what kind of uncleanness has she been involved in? The answer is unfaithfulness and promiscuity that stopped short of actual adultery. It stopped short, but that results in shame to the husband and to the family. And because she had been with another man and fell short of sexual intercourse, but brought shame through her sexual impropriety, that would have been called uncleanness. Now how do we know that it wasn't adultery? Because in the Old Testament, the law that pertained to adultery is found in Leviticus chapter 20, verse 10. And the law pertaining to adultery says if a man commits adultery with another man's wife, with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulterous must be put to death. Divorce was permitted as an act of grace as an alternative to capital punishment. So in Deuteronomy 24, the husband could not remarry her because adultery resulted by her second marriage. The original divorce did not have biblical grounds. You see a divorce because of indecency created provision for an actual adulterous situation. This is against divorcing for just any reason. And they're asking the question, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason? Now for those who turn to Deuteronomy, we'll turn back to Matthew and continue. And so they're asking that question, why did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce? And verse eight, he said to them, Moses, because of the hardness of your heart, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. So they use the word command, he uses the word permitted. He never commanded you. It was a grace filled concession to the hardness of your heart. And the hardness of the heart is what he is speaking about. Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives. But from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality, marries another, commits adultery. Whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery. Hardness of heart, when he uses the phrase hardness of heart, that speaks of being hardened and not open to reconciliation. A hardened heart reveals a stubborn refusal to obey God's word and reveals human nature. Some simply refuse to consider any alternatives and simply divorce. And that is a result of unforgiveness. And remember that Jesus in chapter 18 had spoken considerably about forgiving one another. So some refuse to consider the possibility of forgiving even though people are saying, I am so sorry, forgive me, what I've done is wrong, I admit it, I have repented, well, Jesus as well, when someone becomes hardened, they refuse. And that's where divorce comes from. It's a concession to human nature. It's a hardness of a human heart that leads to divorce if somebody is saying forgive me for what I've done. And with that, he says in verse nine, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality, marries another, commits adultery. So Matthew gives us the biblical reason for obtaining divorce, sexual immorality, it specifically speaks of adultery. Divorce was permitted to show mercy to the faithful spouse. Why penalize them further? So a biblical reason for divorce is adultery. There is a second reason found in 1 Corinthians 7 verse 15, and that is in the case of an unbeliever married to a Christian who does not want to remain married to them any longer. Paul says, if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances because God has called us to live in peace. If a man divorces a woman for unbiblical reasons, gets married, he commits adultery. If the woman deserts her husband simply to marry another, she commits adultery. Now as the men hear this, let's look at the response and conclude this. His disciples said to him, if such is the case of the man with his wife, it's better not to marry. Yeah, that makes some sense to me. If that's the case, then why getting married is so difficult. If that's the case, we ought not to marry. You know, in this view of marriage, surely it must prove a snare rather than a blessing and had better to be avoided altogether. I mean, why would I get married when it's such a snare? Why would I get married when I have no options? Well, that's one of the reasons why when you're going through your premarital counseling and you're making your decision whether or not you want to marry, that's why it's such an important question to answer. Listen, you know, sometimes when I come up, Marie and I have been married for a long time now, so when I come up, you know, I speak after many, many, many years of being with this one woman and we've gone through so many things together. You know, and so you come and some of you who are just starting to come here or are visitors during things like this, you know, I don't speak in this way very often, but I'll say it like this. I will say that when Marie and I got married, two centers got married and you have two different backgrounds, two different ways of thinking, two different ways and many ways of seeing life. The majority of the things that mattered to us were things we agreed about, but there are things, of course, that she grew up in one way, I grew up in another, that she and I just didn't see eye to eye about. Of course, I mean, that's what makes marriage what marriage can be. That's the iron, sharpening iron. That's us learning to make it together as one because you know when you get married that the way you are is the way every human being is supposed to be. You know that. Then you marry somebody that takes a lifetime to convince that you've been right all along, but they get married with the same attitude. Well, my dad never did this. Well, my mom never said that. My dad used to do this. Well, my mom used to do that. You have those times and it can be, and I don't wanna go into a whole lot of this, but it can be some of the silliest things. Yeah, you can get upset at each other for very silly things and then there's some things that are very important that can split you up if you don't work together. Yes, there are a lot of things that work against you hanging in. Yes, there are a lot of things. A lot of things. And adjusting can be difficult. And there were times in our early years, and I'm not talking about early days or months. I'm talking about early years. We'd been married one year, two years, three years, four years, and we're still not in agreement about a lot of things. And there were times, not often, not often, but there were times both of us could say that we took a silent time, went before the Lord and said, I don't know, did we make a mistake here? Did we make a mistake? This is tough. I mean, listen, Marie had five pregnancies in six years. We lost one of our children through miscarriage. She had four babies that were under the age of six. And that was tough on her. It was tough on me. Still tough on me. It was tough. It was like, Marie is always pregnant. Whose fault was that? But anyway, it was rough. We had so many things going on that we, I don't want to go into weirdness with you and all I'm just telling you, I want you to know that it was hard. It was difficult, you know, having no money. You know, we couldn't take vacations. The jobs I had were minimum wage jobs. It was just tough. Some of you know exactly what I'm saying. I mean, we eat 19 cent boxes of macaroni and cheese and I still like it. My son, Joseph, will not eat it to this day. He hates macaroni and cheese. I like it, but he won't eat it. You know, you go on vacation and you leave at three or four in the morning and you put the kids to sleep in the back seat of the car, wrap them up and stuff, before they had us putting seat belts on everybody. And that would save me $19 for the hotel room. That's a fact. How many of you know what I'm talking about? You just drive and you save the night. They sleep and you get up in the morning and you find them on McDonald's and to them that was real special. They actually got a McDonald's breakfast because that was special. We didn't have the money. We didn't have two nickels to rub together. And it was rough. Rough times, tough times, pressure after pressure. House payments continue to come. Bills continue to show up. I'm making three and a half dollars an hour. I'm having a $500 a month house payment, not including everything else that I needed to pay for, for small children. It was hard. It was hard. It was difficult. Many times, many times, where I would say, I still remember sitting on the edge of the bed looking at my wife weeping and saying, you married the wrong man. You married the wrong man. I can't take care of you. I can't take care of my family. I can't provide for you. You married the wrong man. I remember those days. I remember them. Anybody here know what I'm saying? I remember those days. They were hard. It wasn't like, you know, here comes the bride and then we just come out with birds singing, you know, and all of that like snow white. But we had one thing that we knew and that was this. God joined us together. Let not man put it asunder. We knew that. We knew that. And that's what has kept us going all these years. The love of God, the power of the spirit, the love for his word, and fellowship with those who think like that. And they say, you can make it. You can do it. Jesus is on your side. Hold on. Don't let go. Watch what he'll do. They did that to me. I say that to you. Hold on and watch what Jesus will do. Hold on. Hold on. We all go through tough times. We all go through difficulties. You know, as perfect as you really are, your wife sees that you're not as perfect as you think you are. And as perfect as she thinks she is, you see that she's not reaching that standard. Two sinners got married and it takes Jesus to keep us together. And a mindset, we are better together than apart. That is something I've told Marie for years. No, I am better with you than without you. I will make it. And you want to know something? I get emotional. Stop. It is worth it. It is worth it. Hold fast. Don't let go. It is worth it. We have so many shared memories and joys. Yes pain, yes sorrow, yes hurts, yes. But when she has hurt me and I have hurt, her forgiveness goes a long way. Let me give to you a few things here. I'll close with this. One, Jesus says this. He says, verse 12, there are eunuchs. Those are unmarried individuals in this context. There are eunuchs who are born thus from their mother's womb. There are eunuchs who are made eunuchs by men. There are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it. A life of singleness can be a natural disposition without their choice. A life of singleness can exist because of injuries that have been caused by others, again without their choice. A life of singleness can exist by a calling and gifting of God, which is received by faith and exercised by choice. There are those who are unmarried. So the one who is able to accept it, let him accept it. Know your place, know your gifting. Not everybody should get married. And thus, you just need to know how that works. But what can, and I want to close with this, what can prevent hardness of heart? I'll say this quickly. One, I've said it already in different forms. One, realize that there's no such thing as a perfect Christian marriage. All marriages have problems. How we deal with them and how we solve them is the question. Second, accept each other without trying to change them for your benefit. Each marriage is unique and must be worked out individually and do not compare your husband or your wife to somebody else's husband or wife. Third, have reasonable expectations for your marriage as well as your husband or wife, again, two sinners got married. Fourth, recognize your own shortcomings. Fifth, stop cataloging sins, especially sins of the past. Refuse to be a debt collector. If there's been a sin in the past and God forgave and you forgave, then move on. Don't return to it. Don't come back to it. Don't bring it up in the midst of an argument because it's only showing that you haven't let it go. Billy Graham's wife once said, every cat knows that some things need to remain buried. And that's true, leave it buried. Leave it alone. Stop going back to it and digging it up because it still stinks. Leave it alone. Stop it. Remember, number six, that you are in a spiritual war and be prepared for battle. If Satan attacked the first marriage, why would he not attack yours? Seventh, be quick to forgive. Ephesians 4.32, be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other. Just as in Christ, God forgave you. And eighth, live with hope. Marriage is a spiritual journey, so refuse to use carnal tools. You need God's word and you need God's spirit. With God's word directed you and God's spirit empowering you, you can do what God has called you to do. You can remain faithful, you can forgive and you can succeed because he makes it possible to do so. Hold fast to Jesus. Hold fast.