 Lil' Guardsman presents a veritable treasure trove of memorable characters, but today, we at the Philip Magnus channel are going to talk about and celebrate the 6 best characters across all this little indie game. Spoilers for Lil' Guardsman follow, so if you haven't played it, turn away. Why top 6? Because… Shut up! There are many criteria by which to pick excellent characters. You can judge them by their character art, by how well they are written or voiced, but we're going to dismiss all of that and judge these characters by how good they are at murdering a 12 year old girl. So here are the 6 best characters whose day you can make better by letting them pass or ruin their day through the exertion of your petty bureaucratic authority. Number 6. A military cook from… a catering corp. There's something off about catering corp from the get-go, but it's not what you'd think. It's not just that their spoof of the United States military is that they make people into nutrient bars. This cook slash representative from catering corp gets the lowest spot on the list because he doesn't actually get to kill a 12 year old girl. While his catering business does feed people to people. If a tiny wee girl were to fall into a cauldron full of soylent beige nutrient bars… whatever it is, made out of before its bar, would anyone at corporate HQ mind that the latest batch has a distinct taste of lil? I don't think so. Nutrient bars? Oh my god! I've gotta tell everybody, soylent beige is people! Not just people, it could be goblins or ogres as well. Number 5. Not Belle from Not Beauty and the Beast. If her song fools you, friend, then you really aren't paying attention. Because this girl is an absolute psycho. It's okay, so we all get to miss the small clues because of her pretty voice sometimes. It's not like this crazy bee's clothes are spattered with blood, is it? Oh, it is? Huh. And what's that? She doesn't like it when people are talking about her. Well I'm sure… Oh, there it is. That's what I'm calling. Boy, they really don't make Disney princesses like they used to, do they? The joie de vivre, with which this psychotic pyromaniac strolls up to your gate and throws a molotov cocktail at the little girl if you piss her off enough, is more than enough to make it onto this list. Number 4. How to train your dragonrider. It's not every day that one small girl doing a job she's not supposed to meet. Another small girl doing a job she's not supposed to. If that happens to you and your other small girl in the guardhouse questioning the small girl standing on a dragon, be sure not to make light of the dragon. You could have imagined that mocking a scaly beast of legend would end up with your incineration. The answer? Everyone could. Legitimately every single person you've ever met above the age of 12. Princesses like these are why you don't get a sarcastic tween to do all your gatekeeping. But really, why would you, a dragon, name yourself peaches, if you can take a joke? Number 3. A really very angry barbarian lady. Some people learn not to try and relieve big barbarian muscle mummies of their twin swords. Not Leo? No, she's as studious as they come, a responsible worker. No responsible, in fact, as to be… suicidal? Despite a spelling out of what would happen to her too. Boy, that'll teach our gal Leo to respect foreign customs. You know, if she wasn't dead already. You are indeed brave little one. Brave and stupid. Let the combat commence. Kapla! Number 2. This stinky elven neck romancer. It's a real shame that you can't kick this doofus out of the sprawl on a permanent basis. The shade he throws at you every time he shows up is just… just… ah! I hate him so much! Don't tell me to calm down, look at him! Attitude like this should immediately disqualify you from wielding power over the living and the dead, political office and from seasuit corporate positions. Number 1. The Literal Devil. He appears by dint of fate in a screwy time machine. He is as surprised to see you as you are surprised to see him. He is angry in his horn and he chants in Latin. Who else could it be but the actual literal devil? The supreme prince of hell. The grump of a fallen angel. The snakey bakey under king himself. You know, he is the best character in the entire game because he can kill you, not once but twice over. And that, my friends, is fact and it is also commitment. Game knows game, you know. When you've got the devil taking an interest in your business, you have to at least appreciate all he does with style. That is why he is our number 1. Thank you Satan. Honourable Mentions. The spooky angry politician tree, monster and the witch. I don't believe this tree actually comes with a game over screen but it's a political planned and I believe that's a development we should all welcome. What spells out a good environmentally friendly politician better than an actual tree? Monster. As for the witch, she can definitely game over you. But she's a witch. You're a kid. She offers you good looking apples. Point is, you really should know better. And also I kind of forgot her until the last moment so I just added her to the list without making it be a top 7 because that just doesn't have the same ring as top 6. Even though psychologically people are supposed to like odd numbers over even ones, yeah my brain really blocked there for a second. Anyway thank you for watching. If you enjoyed this Philip Magnus production, please share it with your friends, subscribe, smash that like button or like that smash button, whichever one works best. And I will see you again next time when that is. I couldn't possibly tell you. I sometimes get flights of fancy and forget about this channel. It happens. When it doesn't, this channel doesn't do anything much either so, you know, it do belong to us. Anyway, I'll see you again next time, bye!