 So if you've spent any time in the YouTube universe studying dating or relationship Videos that I'm sure you've overheard You have heard repetitively is what I meant of the concept of boundaries So today we're going to talk about boundaries, but I think it's really important to establish before we get into boundaries For those of us in midlife, I think it's really important to examine. What is a relationship to you and this morning? I was contemplating the idea of dating versus a relationship and now we all associate dating with the Period of time to get to know a person right to get to know a person decide if you want to be in a relationship with them But isn't it fascinating how many people have spent months? If not years together having regular sex together and they still claim to be dating and I and I want to really Explore that for a moment because to me dating is the period of time you spend getting to know someone before you decide to explore a relationship with someone and Usually we at least this is in my world before you explore a relationship with someone Not before you explore a relationship, but at about the time you decide to have sex together That's the time to declare that you want a fully committed relationship with someone Meaning I'm a big proponent of those who want a serious relationship And if you're going to have sex with a person then sex is part of a committed relationship Now it's certainly okay for many people to have what's known as friends with benefits It's certainly okay for people to have casual relationships. It's certainly okay for people to have Situationships my channel is devoted to those people who genuinely want partnership in their life They want what I call a juicy delicious healthy relationship where it's built on a foundation of trust Commitment and a desire to expend your future with a person So how do we get to these places? How do we get to a point of being in a fully committed relationship? Well, I think boundaries is an important conversation to have Especially in the early stages of dating Now or in the early stages of dating a relationship and let me come back to this I believe dating is the period of time that you spend getting to know each other and At the time you decide to have regular sex with a person That's the time you enter into a relationship and I'm also going to use the terminology Exploring a relationship together because there are multiple layers of relationship. We'll talk about that in a moment But coming back to boundaries. I like the way Brené Brown Identifies boundaries and what she says is boundaries are what's okay and what's not okay for me That's what a boundary is but to really understand boundaries. You have to understand Standards, okay, so this is a boundary, but inside the boundary is a standard What is it? What is it that you're seeking within a fully committed relationship? Now I can tell you as a dating relationship coach who specializes in midlife and midlife is after baby making years and before retirement I Can tell you most women have no clue what they want that they all come to me Jonathan I know what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want in a relationship But what's interesting is after they go through my proprietary coaching program. Can you guess what they say every single time? They say why didn't they teach me this in school? Why didn't my parents teach me this? I didn't know what I want So if you need some support in that check out the link right here to a free discovery call with me to see if working With a coach is right for you and there's a link below in the description as well Why I emphasize this is not just about knowing what you want but also How to vet the guy in a relationship because it's these days look at The days of just meeting someone at a grocery store because you lived in a small town or Let me backtrack you live in a small town. Everybody knew each other. You married your high school sweetheart That doesn't exist or barely Exists these days the idea of bumping into someone at the grocery store doesn't exist these days these days We spend more time on our devices Connecting with people Then we do out organically in the real world So the challenge today is choosing a suitable partner who has shared values with you a lifestyle that can blend with you and more importantly Emotional maturity being a relationship look at chemistry as many many of you feel like chemistry is the elusive piece Let me tell you something. That's the easy piece You know why because it's either there right in the beginning or not What's harder to determine is does this person really share my values? Does this person's lifestyle going to work with mine and is this person emotionally grown up to be in a relationship? This is why I teach this in my coaching to help you get fully prepared So you know who to choose to be in relationship with so you're not winging it and let's face it ladies Most guys are winging it out there. This is why I encourage you you are in charge of your relationship destiny Don't give that to the guy So coming back to the standards within a relationship We're going to lean into that in our conversation today because we're going to talk about the five must Important aspects of boundaries that I want to share with you today So you're not you're not operating from that naive place. You're operating from an intentional place I'm gonna repeat that you're operating what I mean by intentional Look it. I know you all love the idea that you can just sit back in your feminine energy and let the guy claim you Yeah Really, how well does that work these days? Just leaning back by the way most guys in midlife and that's my specialty midlife Which is after baby making years and before retirement Most guys look at I know you all want that confident alpha male type That's just gonna just he knows what he wants and he's gonna go after you The reality is is most guys and women have had you know have been possibly burned by a divorce They're gun-shy. They're emotionally wounded. They're bitter. They're jaded. They've let themselves go I'm sorry to be that crass, but it's the reality Is that we're dealing with a population of men and women alike that are just not very intentional in the process of choosing a mate and So this passive approach that you can just sit back in your feminine energy and just hope that magic fairy dust We'll get a guy to claim you it's gonna require effort on your part And certainly it's gonna require effort on a guy's part. It is men and women can't be passive in this process This is why understanding your standards helps prepare you for boundaries I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses. I'm gonna show you my notes here really quickly for a second But I want to share with you something First you have to identify the type of relationship you want and when his intimacy is gonna occur Now what I mean to say is earlier I talked about casual relationships Look at I'm more devoted to partnership type of relationships and I recognize that these days casual relationships might be the most many of you can obtain Or many of you are capable of wanting Repeat that and I don't mean to be Dismissive here. I'm here to say is some people They're not capable of a fully committed relationship where you're actually Supporting one another whether it's financially or emotionally or physically Many of you are not capable of that many men aren't capable of that and many of you don't want that so casual relationships are quite okay Some of you're okay with friends with benefits You're aware that the person you're interested in is all he cares about his sex and you're okay with that and there's no disrespect for that But for those who want a fully committed relationship, I think it's important to know what does a relationship look like for you? What when does intimacy occur in addition? It's having an understanding about communication Folks, you know every woman I talked to says the importance of communication communication Communication, but do you realize many men and women alike? They simply vomit communication. They're talking at you I'm talking to my microphone. They're talking at you and not with you Mass majority humans don't know good communication skills. If you haven't read the book Definitely check this book out nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg By the way, there's a link below to get all the books. I recommend By the way before I recommend any book. I got to recommend my own book What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work By the way, the links below self-love the book calm Why I'm recommending this book in the book nonviolent communication as well as so many others today and there's again the link below is that I Got to tell you something Just because a woman believes just because a woman has a propensity to express her feelings Doesn't mean it's landing on a guy for her to be seen heard and understood and yes, we typically Characterized men is a motion unavailable. I can tell you Most men are good guys. They're just bad at the process And when two people one person is not necessarily good at expressing their feelings the other person's just vomits their feelings There's gonna be a lot of miscommunication. So communication is an integral part of a healthy happy relationship and last but not least is Identifying what commitment looks like for you. What does commitment look like for you? So let's dive into those five boundaries you must set with men, okay, because we've set the stage and first is the boundary around time Time and what that means is you have to set your standard as to how much time you're going to be spending together in a relationship now Or let me reframe that what? Identify how much time you want to spend in a relationship. Okay, how much time do you want? Most of you know my standard Prior to meeting meeting my beloved sweetheart right there Marie and mind you we were long-distance relationship But for those who live locally my standard was we'd spend on at my my standard was we spend three or four days and nights a week together Doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together Teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional life intimacy both physical and emotional Intimacy that led to either moving in together or getting married. Okay. That was the standard I have and That's what I operated for people to live locally now She was long-distance. So my standard was a little bit different in this particular case. I said I was only willing to explore this relationship under the Understanding and she had already agreed that she wanted to live in California anyway in Los Angeles in particular So we created a plan where within five months We actually moved into it with one another and during that time within a within of the five months of Prior to moving in together. I believe we cumulatively Timewise spent two and a half months were 75 days together out of a hundred and fifty days So that was actually more than my original standard. Okay, but coming back to time This is about you not me But why I'm sharing this with you is know the standard you want around time and my notes say here how much time spent together physically and Given that intimacy is the number one cause of breakups Knowing but by the way most marriages site intimacy as the primary reason why they got divorced And intimacy isn't look at folks. It's not spending all day on the telephone. That's not intimacy Intimacy happens face-to-face In fact, I continually say it takes about a hundred hours of face-to-face time just to build the first layer of trust So setting your standard around time how much time do you want to invest in a relationship? Now look it I know the first couple weeks of dating someone we're not applying that but once you've decided that you're going to explore a Relationship together know your standard around time and if this person doesn't meet that standard of time In other words, how much time you're going to spend together then you have to evaluate. Is this the right relationship for you? number two Communication your standard around communication now, there's face-to-face Communication and then there's non face-to-face communication. What is your standard around that in other words? How much time you're going to communicate in these two mediums? Okay, and what does that communication look like a moment ago? I talked about the book non-violent communication by Marshall Rosenberg. I highly recommend I highly recommend checking out this book I hear you the surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationships by Michael Sorenson I highly recommend checking this out. This is a great book to get a better understanding of relationship and more importantly Communication is also about knowing how to resolve conflicts in relationship This is a critical piece And resolving conflicts all comes with your words with your mouth You have to communicate to resolve your differences. In fact, I want to share another book with you. Where is it? This is from from Pastor Calvin. It's called marriage ain't for pugs. He's on the show married at first sight He's one of the counselors there. I think he's just fabulous because his his His perception is all centered around a healthy relationship is all based on your ability to heal quickly when there's differences This morning my sweetheart and I we every morning we get together for breakfast or not breakfast for coffee We spend about an hour and a half chatting. I usually bounce ideas off of her and something I said triggered her and She immediately opened up about it That's setting her boundaries. She opened up about it And I and we we've discussed it and we end up having this amazing dialogue afterwards And one of the things she says to me is she said to me early on I am not going to do what I did in my past Relationships and that is stuff my feelings under the rug Folks knowing your ability your ability to speak your truth as I talk about in my book What the heck is self love anyway to speak your truth do it with kindness? In other words speak from a sincere place This is what's so needed and that's the standard you want to establish early on in the relationship number three This is one I haven't shared before but it's social media presence social media presence your boundary around this What I mean to say is let's face it most everybody has an Instagram or Facebook or some social media presence What is your standard going to be in relationship? About how you utilize these mediums with respects to your relationship or not Backed I was in a relationship with a woman who she created something called the social media pre-nup And this really relates to my my relationship because my sweetheart Preferrs that I'm not public on the social media and or like Instagram and Facebook about identifying who she is And the reason being is I got to be candid with you There's been some people out there my YouTube comments that have written some very nasty things about her I've had some people stalk her and it's very disappointing to witness the trolls out there and those That jealous personality type that wants to figure out who this person is and and delve into her life and do Background checks and whatnot. I mean, it's been disgusting some of the things I've read and why I'm sharing this with you is Social media plays a huge role these days in relationship. So I think it's really important to identify What is going to be your standard with with social media with respects to your relationship now in my case? Because I'm a public figure and because I want to protect her I don't give her last name out and nor do we establish that our names on our Facebook profiles Because I want to be protective of her and I hope you appreciate that I want to be protective of her It's not that I'm hiding anything But the same time You have to be you have to talk to your partner about how you're going to utilize social media In fact, I basically, you know I'm allowed to post pictures of my sweetheart and when I say allowed to she doesn't she's okay with that because she wants to protect her Privacy, but I think you should have a boundary with respects to your social media presence with respects to your relationship Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know. Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to the channel if you're brand new That's the third boundary the fourth boundary centers around what I call financial agreements the use of money is an integral part of a relationship and Given that the second most common reason for divorce centers around money I think it's imperative to have conversations about money sooner rather than later the minute two people Enter into a relationship. They call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. I think it's imperative But Jonathan men are supposed to pay for everything because that is this traditional standard Folks, we don't live in that world where men represent 99% of the workforce. Okay, right now women Women actually outnumber men in the workforce and while there might be a wage gap at the higher-end wage scales If a man makes 75,000 a year and a woman makes 74,000 dollars a year they both make about the same amount of money and these days at least here in Los Angeles It takes a million dollars to survive and that's just being tongue-in-cheek Reality is when it comes to money The vast majority of Americans here live paycheck to paycheck The vast majority of Americans barely have three months savings in their bank account It's going and by the way, we have an aging population where it's going to be much harder to retire So having Conversations around money sooner rather than later is an important boundary to establish because I've spoken to men Who have broken up with women because they thought the women that they were with were not contributors Financially to a relationship That's right. I've spoken to many men Their number one complaint was these are women that didn't contribute financially to the relationship They had an expectation that the man did all the work and these are men that have gone through divorce And they've got alimony and child support to contend with so being naive when it comes to round money is a very Let me just say being naive about anything is a is setting oneself up for disappointment and I'm drawing attention to it so having a financial agreement Once you've explored you're in exploring a relationship together and last but not least the fifth boundary Where's this relationship going? What's the purpose of exploring a union together? What's the purpose of spending time together? Is it casual? Is it? Situation ship is it friends with benefits or is it to be to explore a juicy delicious healthy happy partnership with someone That's my terminology you you leave that you know that you leave up to yourselves But to me it's all about establishing Partnership because who wants to be listen my audience is oh midlife after baby making yours before retirement, okay? Bottom line is this do you want to be? 50 and still dating do you want to be 55 and still dating do you want to be 60 and still dating? Do you want to be 70 and still dating do you want to be 80 or do you want to have a life partner and having these more difficult Conversations around standards and the boundaries associated with them is imperative Ladies look, I'm your big brother if I could be there on a first date I'd have the shotgun out pointed at the guy's head and say what's your intention with my little sister I can't be there for you every single day. Although. I have health clients in that capacity number of times But my point is is you have to be your own protector You have to be your own matchmaker You can't leave it up to the guy guys are relatively clueless men follow better are better at following directions And I know but Jonathan I want a confident alpha guy that does all that good luck finding that guy Those guys are insecure. Do you realize the number one emotional health issue for most human beings is I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. This is true of men and women alike and Dating triggers this number one wound You know think about it the average person by the time they hit 50 years old has had three significant relationships And if you've had three relationships that didn't work out that wears on our emotional well-being So don't count on guys being this sophisticated like all these these feminine energy coaches They're they're selling you on this fantasy of Prince charming who doesn't exist. Yes There are the broken clock in other words. Yes, there are good guys out there that are actually intentional But most men they're not bad guys They just don't know what they're doing and that's why they're better off. You give them direction You're the ones reading these books more so than men and I will tell you this if you haven't Everyone knows my rhetoric Before the penis goes inside the vagina you read the book eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman and at least do chapter One together at least read it for yourself. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know All right coming back to First off boundaries to set with men. They're all set on your standard your standard around time Communication social media presence financial agreement and lastly where's this relationship gone? Those are the those are the standards and your boundaries are what is it? You want within those areas and you speak up because a boundary is simply what's okay, and what's not okay for you? Ah All right, I think this will be a great place to take questions for those who know my live stream format We're taking questions right now if you're familiar with it There's a little chat box below right the word question then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat There's a dollar sign the chat box all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship On in the name of my son Connor Asley. That's him right there He's my son who passed away Four and a half years ago and his honor I've started a scholarship fund to donate to causes like the Hoffman process and insight Institute just to name a few Okay Sometimes I get choked up when I think about Connor. All right, so if you have a question write the word question and Then post the question there in also hit that like button. Please share this video as well All right, let's see what kind of comments we have so far Ah Andrea says great info. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Hillary says I'm reading it. I'm glad which book are you reading? Stephanie or a sue stars starshine says I can barely afford anything on my own without a partner My ex moved out a few years ago and he lives an hour away He also has another woman that he's involved in with this previous tax. I'm sorry to hear that Someone said root says could it be out of jealousy that they're mean to Marie? Yes I do believe that there are some significantly jealous people that are somewhat it's just disappointing to get hateful comments or or Jealousy type comments. So yes, that is the case and Pam says I'm disappointed in hearing that Thank you so much for sharing that. All right. Let's see if we go We've got a super sticker from Margaret of seven dollars and ninety nine cents. Thank you so much. Ah Adrienne says awesome. Thank you. You've taught me so much. Here's a question What are senior men really looking for great question? What are senior men really looking for? You know, I want you to think about this for a moment You're in your late fifties. Maybe sixties You got married you're married for 20 25 years, and it didn't work out You look you were you were married before there were smartphones, okay? You used to use a pager, okay, and you're just thrust out into the dating realm that I'm watching a show on Hulu called Fleischman is in trouble and Now mind you it's a 40 year old man going through a divorce But I think men that are in their fifth late fifties and early sixties going through divorce. They're shell-shocked It could be very for man or woman alike. You can be literally shell-shocked and It's difficult because the dream you had in your twenties and thirties before you got married Collides with this reality, and I think most people don't know what they want Because they don't know how to actually what's known as co-creator relationship co-creator relationship Co-create me it really means being two people Intentional in the process, and I think a lot of men and women men in particular are rather clueless doesn't make them bad guys It just makes them Human beings because nobody teaches this shit to us growing up You know all we had for role models is our parents which in many cases they were dysfunctional We had TV shows that glorified things In the fantasy realm, but we had nobody teaching us the mechanics the big basics of a relationship folks There's a book well two books. I want to recommend right now This book seven principles for making marriage work now why I'm recommending this book is that it gives you the mechanics? Whether you're in a relationship Whether you're married or just in a relationship with someone these are them This is the mechanics and another book is making Marie turning this on to me making your second marriage a first-class success These are great books to teach you when I talk about mechanics I want you to think of like you just bought a model airplane more of a guy's thing probably But you bought a model air. No, you're making a dress Okay, my mom used to make dresses and she'd get these patterns Well the patterns told you where to cut and where to do things and where to sew if we don't know the Pattern on how to make a successful relationship It's no wonder men are clueless and men don't buy these books at the same rate as women do So this is why there's nothing. It's not that they're bad guys. They just don't know how to make it happen So guess what's happening now? I have clients and many of you followers reaching out to me Oh my god, Jonathan. We're reading the book eight dates together. Oh my god, Jonathan We're reading this book together and it's like gold because now there's a blueprint guys are great once there's instructions So just help them along the way with instructions. Does that make sense? All right, I hope that helped. Thanks so much Debbie All right forgiven says hi John. I just blocked Hi, John. I just blocked on the second date because I didn't want to do more than kissing He was respectful, but then when I got home He didn't talk to me then blocked me for a week. I'm sorry that happened Ruth writes question Why are some men don't like it when you have normal boundaries like they want to use your Okay, they want I forgot by the way, I forget what the acronym is for SMH. So can someone remind me Why do men why why are some men don't like it when you have normal boundaries, you know Because there are a lot of childish men out there that you know that Are Incapable or they're dysfunctional at being in a relationship. So I wouldn't focus on those men who don't like your boundaries What I would focus on is attracting a man who wants healthy boundaries God universe spirit. I'm in a juicy delicious relationship with a man who appreciates my standards on Chemistry communication compatibility character and commitment and he appreciates these standards and whenever there's a Difference in opinion we're able to speak to one another which is what boundaries are all about God universe spirit I'm experiencing this in my life See rather focusing on the guys who don't know how to do something My suggestion is call in and attract the guys who do know what the fuck they're doing and Even if they're bad at it, you can train them. Okay, Ruth. Thank you so much for your question Hey, I want to thank Sarah for the $2.99 super sticker big hugs and appreciation to you Michelle writes question. I Set my boundaries. He disappeared and came back after nine months. Do I give him another chance? We've been on and off for two years Here's the thing if you are going to give him another chance then establish what your standard is going forward and actions matter most so what is your standards in This relationship what's your standard around time? Communication your social media presence your financial agreement, but most importantly, where is this relationship going folks? If you don't have a clear understanding of what commitment looks like for you Don't expect a guy to know it. We can't read your mind. You establish the standard. I told you my standard I use this frequently my standard was real simple Spending three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends Traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal our professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that lead Leads to either moving in together or getting married. That's the standard You can deviate you can vary it a little bit But you know with respect to how often you see each other, but that's the standard. I'm recommending for all of you I'm serving it up to you But Jonathan, I'm in a long distance relationship and we talk every single day 42 times a day But we still haven't met yet and it's been three years. Oh my god the insanity some of you folks I'm sorry. I've got to call you out Not all of you But there's people out there that think they're in relationship with someone because all they do is talk on the phone and text each other all day long That's listen. That's called a cyber relationship. So let me Retract what I said You're welcome to have cyber relationships But let me tell you something the best part about having a physical relationship is you get to do shit together and you get to have sex together So choose relationships where you can physically have physical intimacy with one another Instead of these cyber relationships and masturbating over the phone doesn't fucking count. Well, yes, it does. I guess it counts But it's fucking boring. All right, that's my rant. I'm done. Sorry for ranting All right, thank you Vicky says right on Sherry says Jonathan your sweetheart should start a dating matchmaking service that the one that used to be on TV We'll see about that. Oh You met you and my sweetheart and me. Thank you so much. All right Pam writes question My dating question my dating profile. I feel is good, but I don't get very much interest I have a lot to offer but sit alone. I'm 65. Do you think it's age-related? I will tell you that Pam 99% of the profiles I review women's profiles as well as men are garbage and my guess is Don't take this personally yours is probably mediocre because a really quality profile will garner Activity if nothing the clients I work with when they go through a profile makeover They're at least getting at least an email a day if not more It's gonna require killer awesome photographs It's gonna require and I'm talking about really killer quality awesome photographs You've got to be seen and my guess is you think you have good photographs, but some of you ladies I apologize I'm not criticizing you Pam, but some of you women are fucking delusional and guys are Delusional to the fish in the photo. Oh my god, every woman wants a man holding a fish. Oh This is delusion in my mind that people think that's quality But with that said a quality photo quality profiles should garner at least one or two Emails a day or swipes a day at a minute. No matter what your age. I have a 78 year old client. Oh my god She's she's got five boyfriends going on right now. I mean she's got oh, she's got some more opportunities She knows what to do with and she's 78 All right, that's my two cents on that Pam. Thank you so much Adolin says we have yes, we have had no teachings. I'm so glad you have explained so much to me I'm so into you into boundaries and it's a big difference way to go. Thank you Margaret says I think you are right. No one knows the mechanics. How can you do something if you don't know how exactly? Well, Jonathan, I like to live in this fantasy bubble because magic fairy does always works Okay, that's my doing my little kid voice Margaret says that's so important guides need instructions Exactly exactly Jade says please give us some points about healthy communication not vomiting or under expressing I just recommended two books these two books Because these books will explain here. Let's open up one of these books. Okay. I hear you Let's just let's just scroll bump bump bump Okay, let's use an example since you want one the comment is This this cold is annoying. I can't sleep. I have a hard time breathing and my throat is killing me So the partner is expressing frustration of having a cold an Invalidating response would sound like this. That's unfortunate, but you'll get over it I it could be worse my neighbor caught the flu last year and was bedridden for almost a month So that's an invalidating response a validating response would say oh that sounds miserable It's so frustrating not being able to sleep when you're sick and I can't stand sore throats That's a validating response. So one is invalidating their feelings and the other is validating their feelings By the way, men are terrible at validating feelings I would look by the way ladies you have a big you have a reason to gripe men would say that's unfortunate But you'll get over it. It could be worse my neighbor caught the flu last year and was bedridden for almost a year Yeah, guys are guys can be bad at validating feelings. I get that All right, I hope that helped Jade, but the book I hear you by Michael Sorenson one more time I hear you by Michael Sorenson. It's in the description below under recommended books By the way, Hillary says SMH Shaking my head. Okay. Got it. My my bad. I'm not good at all the acronyms Starshine wants to respond to Pam it depends on the dating site your profile is on some sites are for younger generation between 18 and 40 other sites are for singles over 50. That is a good point, but match.com is the predominant Most used dating site and in the United States anyway, Wanda writes question I think sometimes women and men should just find themselves for a while. What do you think find? Oh, great point folks the four stages of of Relationships starts with being in a healthy place yourself both physically your body and Emotionally being in a healthy place the second aspects of relationship hierarchy is knowing Who is compatible with you and how to vet for compatibility? The third is being attractive to be you know being attractive and having good flirting skills If you don't have good flirting skills, you're behind the eight ball I got to tell you some go to go on YouTube and watch flirting skills and last but not least coming back to why I Recommend all these books how to maintain and make a relationship thrive if you don't have those four components You're behind the eight ball. It's gonna be a fucking bitch. I'm sorry to say this is why my my clients Oh my god I got a message this morning from a client who's just went off to Paris with her boyfriend I mean there she's like I can't believe What a difference it is working with you Jonathan because now I see the difference in how I show up And what I've attracted my life and folks I can't guarantee that that relationship of the many others aren't are gonna work out I just had a client get married this year. I've had clients in Alaska of all places Idaho of all places and I'm just saying they just seem like in the boondocks compared to those of us Who live in on maybe a city area? But if you want to make a difference in your life, you've got to become intentional That's why check out a link to free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you All right, let's keep going. By the way, am I making a difference in your life? Please. Let me know. Please post a comment Debbie writes Question I'm giving up trying to find a decent man. No John. They are not out there. That's not a question Debbie That's a statement and I can tell you I Know so many women who have met great guys But if if your belief system that you that there are no decent men then your belief system is true for you That's your belief system Marie She didn't believe that She didn't believe that she believed matter of fact. She attracted great guys. We've talked about many of her We talked about her to Significant relationship and some of the men she dated she dated quality guys They weren't right fit for her but she dated quality guys and it has nothing to do with their looks It's because she had standards and more importantly. She had boundaries But the one thing she had in her mindset was it's raining great men. It's raining great men It's raining great men. So what did she attract great men? So it's the difference between your and and Tigger your there's no good men out there. All men are assholes Men are users. They're narcissists versus bouncy bouncy bounce bounce. It's raining great men. It's raining great friend It's raining great men. Do you want to be ticker? You want to be ticker? Do you want to be your? And I'm sorry. I called you out on that Debbie, but I'm telling you that statement is your it might now I'm not saying it isn't true for you, but there are it's not an absolute. It's just a belief Thank you so much for posting Meeves Meeves says I love your rants. Thank you so much and I agree Let's keep swimming Question from Wanda Do you think it's fine to find you again after becoming single after years of marriage after it ends because they passed away? Yes, it is always good to find your true self. It's always good to do that All right Star shine says amen Jonathan. I agree with you humans need physical social intimacy over the phone doesn't provide that exactly Hey, corny cob is in the house Question as a parent what rules would you have in place for your kids when they begin dating? That's a good one You know with my son there's Colin He's gonna be 27 this year My only role for him was Be of integrity follow the four agreements Folks if you're not familiar with the book the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz I just want to share this with you. The four agreements are Be impeccable with your word number one Don't take anything personally Don't make assumptions and always do your best. I'm gonna repeat that be impeccable with your word That's what I taught my son Don't take anything personally believe me. I've grilled that into his head. Don't make assumptions That's a big mistake and always do your best if I had a son or a daughter Excuse me. I have a son, but if you have a son or daughter This is the best dating book out there has nothing to do with dating It has everything to do with how to show up as a good human being But if you want to give a book I would recommend the book if the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated This book throws out the stupid gender rhetoric garbage out there the red pill garbage the feminist garbage all that crap out There that's messing up relationships today, and it teaches you how to enter into the process from a heart centered space Definitely and then don't forget my book. What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work all the books I recommend are in the link below. Thank you so much horny cob for that question Oh Given that it's Valentine's Day How do guys feel about Valentine's Day if a woman wants to use it to show affection is it off-putting cheesy even though I'm not really into it and I use a tool to get closer By the way, I think my beloved and I will do a video tomorrow for Valentine's Day So personally she perfect she looked at me today. She goes, you know, it's Valentine's Day tomorrow and I go Yeah, she goes. We're not getting each other gifts, right? Yes We don't because you know what she said She said every day with you is Valentine's Day. I swear to God those were her exact words She said every day with you is Valentine's Day. We treat every day With a sense of love and romance and care and kindness attention affection appreciation And acceptance when you have that every day as Valentine's Day Most guys can't stand it because it's an expectation to do something to perform in a certain way They overcharge you at restaurants Make every day Valentine's Day in my opinion. Anyways, that's my two cents on that. Thank you so much Jan says question in your opinion. What's the best online dating apps for women over 50? I actually I like match.com just as a dating site and bumble and hinge We're too good. I think those were really good dating apps bumble and hinge Let's keep going Maya says what's an example of giving direction without sounding critical or demanding? So here's a great example of giving direction. I'm gonna use the sex conversation I'll be Marie You'll be Jonathan. This is Marie talking Jonathan, I just want you to know something when I'm Interested in becoming intimate with a man. I do so with men who want to be in relationship with me So my standard for intimacy physical intimacy is that I'm in a relationship with someone That's how I operate. How do you operate? See you're coming. Okay, stop now Jonathan Marie You're coming at it from a curiosity. You're establishing your standard and then you're asking them their standard That is the way to share a standard around sex Without making it controlling or demanding. I'm not I'm not asking. I'm not telling him when he can have sex I'm just telling you when I want to have sex This is my standard and I'm asking you what's your standard? You might say, yeah, I like to fuck on the first date We'll go good. That's not my standard. Bye. Bye Anyway, I hope that helps Maya. Thank you so much for that question Question in your opinion, do you think a 15 year age difference is too much? Absolutely not I don't they can be there could be some issues But I don't think it it doesn't have to be can be but it doesn't have to be All right, let's see. Wow Let's go to the end Maya says good. Thank you. You're very welcome Jan says, ah, thank you for what you do. I appreciate you. Thank you so much. I appreciate that let's see Jonathan some good advice by by your girl of Valentine's Day gift We just went on a two-week cruise And I upgraded us to the fancy suite. So that was Valentine's Day Christmas combined and by the way We're not gifts is our least Is our of the five love languages if you're not familiar with the five love languages words it? Words of affirmation quality time physical touch access service and gifts gifts is our league both her and I it's our least You know, it's our least desired It's our least desired love language. So I mean we give each other We're practically give each other gifts every day by being of service to one another by communicating one another and as far as Valentine's Day I know for a fact and I know you ladies are saying go out and buy some flowers I could do that and maybe I will but you know what we talk every single day We have Valentine's Day every time Anyway, thank you so much for that Wait ocean, what does this say? Thank you for your response. I don't think it matters if at all Compatibility is there certainly compatibility is a necessity for a healthy happy relationship You know folks, I think this would be a great place to wrap up today Just as a reminder those five boundaries you must have are centered around your standards your standard around time Your standard around communication your standard around social media presence your standard around financial agreement and lastly your standard Where's this relationship going? In other words having a clear-cut idea of the type of commitment you want That's my invitation for all of you. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to me on my channel if you're brand new and I'm gonna wrap up this videos I always do first off give myself a big gigantic shot the bear of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm actually turned to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow There's a teddy bear give either them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We could all use more love in our lives. I Want to thank Andrea and Sherry and starshine and Margaret and Ocean Hugh and Pam and Maya and Jade and desert desserts Jennifer Leave corny cob Pam Carla Debbie everyone. Thank you so much. Have a fab evening. You be well. Bye now