 Hey, welcome back. There has been a huge decline in mental health around the world, which is why we're so committed to creating more content than we ever have. Thanks for being a part of our journey. Do you know what it means to have a trauma bond with someone? Most people would wrongly assume that this means bonding with someone over a shared trauma. But actually, trauma bonding is a defining characteristic of many toxic and abusive relationships, and it's often the main reason why we might find ourselves unable to leave them. A trauma bond refers to the deep emotional attachment one might feel towards their abuser, and it's more likely to develop in those who have a history of abuse, exploitation, or emotional codependency in their past relationships. Trauma bonds can easily be mistaken for feelings of love and commitment towards another person. So with that said, here are some signs to look out for that tell you if it's not actually love that you're experiencing, but a trauma bond. Number one, the other person is outwardly charming. Of course, if given the choice, no one would willingly choose to pursue a relationship with someone who acts abusive towards them. The problem is, however, the toxic relationships don't start out that way, and it's usually only when you've already experienced the abuse that you start to realize something is wrong. You might develop a trauma bond with someone if they are outwardly charming, sweet, caring, and seem trustworthy to you. But don't be fooled, there might be something more sinister lurking beneath it all. Number two, they are emotionally unpredictable. You might be asking yourself, why don't people just leave the relationships once they realize that it's unhealthy for them? But the trouble is, it's a lot harder to spot trauma bonding when it's up close and personal compared to if you just saw it happening to someone else. This is because abusive partners can often be emotionally manipulative too. They might abuse you and devalue you only to shower you with kindness, apologies, and promises to change the next day. This serves as positive reinforcement to make you second guess any thoughts you might have of leaving them. Number three, they tend to take their problems out on you. Think back to the last time this partner, friend, or family member heard some bad news or encountered a problem. How do they usually deal with it? Do they often lash out, take it out on you, even when you've done nothing wrong? They could be keeping you around as their psychological punching bag and you deserve better than that. Number four, they isolate you from your loved ones. Some people might think it's sweet to have someone who wants them all to themselves and gets jealous of those you spend your time with. But there's a difference between loving someone so much you want them around all the time and actively working to isolate them from the other important relationships in their lives. Does this person get mad at you for spending time with anyone who isn't them? Do they try to control who you're with or ask you to distance yourself from your friends and family? If the answer is yes, then that's as clear a red flag as any. Number five, you deny or minimize their abusive behavior. Now, let's look at all the ways the trauma bond might affect you and your behavior. Oftentimes, the most telling sign that you're in a destructive relationship is if you find yourself constantly trying to deny or minimize the other person's wrongdoings. We look past all their mistreatment towards us and minimize the abuse by saying things like, oh, it's not that bad, really, or I don't mind it because in the moment, it's easier for us to just brush it off instead of confronting what might be a terrible harsh reality that the person you're with is abusing you. Number six, you constantly make excuses for them. The moment you can no longer deny or minimize what the other person has done and a family member or friend says something like, what they did to you is not okay. Don't let them treat you like that. You're still most likely going to try to make excuses for them and come to their defense. At times, you might even find yourself feeling like you deserve their mistreatment. Once you start thinking like this, that is a critical sign that you are in a trauma bond. And not a loving relationship. Number seven, you're becoming more and more emotionally numb. Have you noticed yourself feeling less and less lately, like you're detached and emotionally numb? You might be feeling this way because subconsciously it's your mind's way of coping with all of the abuse that it's had to deal with from the person you're trauma bonded to. You can't take any more pain, fear, anger, or heartache. So instead, you close yourself off from all of your emotions. You're not as vibrant, talkative, or expressive as you used to be. And they're the reason why. And number eight, you're hiding aspects of your relationship from others. Finally, but perhaps most importantly, if you start to hide certain aspects of your relationship from those around you, then you know that there's definitely something wrong. Because why else would you actively try to cover up how bad things are getting between you two? Loyalty towards an abusive significant other is a hallmark of trauma bonding. So you might find yourself becoming defensive or even angered by other people's attempts to intervene in your relationship and help you. Do you relate to any of the things we've mentioned here? If you or anyone you know is trapped in a trauma bond with someone abusive, don't hesitate to speak out. And seek professional help today. And if you need to, get in touch with authorities who can help you too. Did you find this video valuable? Tell us in the comments below. Please like and share it with friends that might find use in this video too. Make sure to subscribe to Psych2Go and hit the notification bell for more content. All the references used are added in the description box below. Take care of yourself. Thank you for watching and see you next time.