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This is where all my old videos are at man, which will be uploaded soon now British Boxer on drug deals fighting and murders In the prison in the Thai prison This is my lad Bible TV, you know, they get into it The early childhood regime one of violence and being subjected to Beatings and he's a lad All right, I was just sitting in the house getting Bevied all the time. He was on the Yale, you know and He was a bit of a he was a bit of a boxer back in his day So for me, I wanted to impress him and I wanted to be acknowledged and loved by him and I joined the boxing club It was more of a family than the one at home And I remember on the wrong excited to tell him he died. I was having a fight. It was my first fight. It was in Waterloo And he was shitting in the front room smoking a cigarette There's kind of like a by the side of the chair I was about 13 years old seven fighting dad And he just he didn't even look at me. He just said if you don't knock him out in the first round, I'm gonna knock you out That's what he said to me What did boxing mean for you at this time? Boxing to me, you know one I had about 16 fights and I won a massive majority of them You know, I had dreams. I wanted to to join the army. I wanted to box for England kind of like Farmed as myself moving away from it because you start a far then, you know friends outside of the gym The training and the photo saying and became a little bit Getting up in the morning doing that one going to gym, you know, I felt like I was missing out all the time. Yeah, but I'm cold probably wasn't Probably wasn't People a lot of people have a fear of missing out like I ain't missing nothing My dreams are way more bigger than bigger than going out and party and so be in the crib put up If we go to gym, I'm gonna miss out on this I'm getting off of joints and drinks and I don't want it. Well, I feel a need to to fit in you picked us You picked up a substance now you're You know, you need to go and fund the habit that you've developed And that's what happened for me, you know, and it started small cast areas wheels rims You know doing what you do as kids to fund these Little drug added habits that you've got cause we're all skins. There's no there's no money. There's no jobs How old were you the first time you went to jail and what was it for? I was a Think it was about 17. I was an attempted robbery. I was a hooked. So you went from You know, I'm saying now now granted, you know, this is one of the stories started. They have a terrible childhood terrible one of the parents is terrible or something Was going to boxing Wasn't really doing it for itself when it impresses dad fell into the wrong crowd Got addicted to whatever he was doing Feed the habit. Okay By this time on head of it. Oh, hey, you was class a What I tried to And I get arrested by the police and you remind me and HM why oh why Hinley in Wigan That's a new prison. I ain't ever heard of that. HM. Why oh why Hinley HM Y. Oh, I Hindley a prison grayer Manchester England in Wigan And I remember shooting Michelle one one one morning and the weather was booming outside. It was desert I thought I've had enough of this I can't cope. I can't carry on like this no more. I Want to follow me mum. I haven't spoken to my mum for about a year. She doesn't know where he am. I Don't think me my case. I don't think anyone cares and I'll get no letters and I'll get no visits You know, I feel really lonely That was my mum's number She answers after a few a few rings and it's a mum. It's me Billy and as soon as she heard my voice I could I could hear the love and then It just it just hit me like that son of bricks like solid in the chest and I had this This this move will welcome a feeling of like Like a motion and my eyes were well enough. That's what the pressure. That's what low-key depression do to you It make you feel like nobody is on your side Hit that phone card. I love it. Mama screws were standing next to me. I thought I cannot blink here I couldn't even speak to me mum because I knew me voice would tremble and the tears it just falls on me face And she knew it was like a mother's instinct. She's just said son. I know you're in Just that's for love. I'm okay This is me teeth. I was okay. I just went back to shell sat in that shell and I shopped Once that's all we should I love to let it to application officer. They came to see me She walking me there. I said look I'm on drugs I want to get off them. I don't want to get out. I don't want to live the life I'm living. What can you do for me? You said we can name You can put you up in a rehabilitation of only leash I'd be located to Bristol You know, I thought like geographically Liverpool was the problem and I never understood that the problem lies with them It always has done. Hey, hey, wait a minute now. Yeah, I agree with that But your environment do be a part of it though. It'd be it'd be it play its part What this other this this kid from the pool called Ben and he that five years clean. I had about Three months under me belt. So when he was a god, I put him on a pedestal five years How have you stayed clean off heroin and crack cocaine lad for five years? and he was just showing me a This new way of life. He was a little full of adventure. He'd been a brother. I thought I haven't left Liverpool He's telling me he's going to Thailand. He'd been the year before Would I like to come? Show me this idea. It's only what a great place. It was to be the food You know the culture everything about it was incredible And I fell in love with the fours of it. I like Typhoon. Yeah, we go three months Backpacking That was the plan anyway You know, and I'm like a well-classed card carrying pleasure. She's you know, I just want to you know Experience fun and joy in every other way but taking drugs So I want to relive like lost dreams and I want them to awaken and I love boxing as a kid And you know, I love Thai Mu Thai boxing. I love watching it. I love watching the sport Muay Thai, Thai martial arts and country's national sport You know, remember me mate saying to me don't get in the ring with these guys like they'll break your hips So go on in the ring And I swear I got my ribs broken within the first two rounds And I learned the lesson and I was resenting the kid who did it and I said I'll come back in six weeks later I got back in on the beat them, you know, I fell in love with it Boxing did that become your kind of predominant thing that you ended up doing in Thailand? Was that your main focus? Yeah, boxing was definitely my main focus in Thailand He kept me there. He gave me papers I was disciplined You know, I was maintaining your recovery and what it did do was yeah, because I was you know, because I was speaking English obviously We'd walk around with the box and I'd speak to the others and say you know Support these boxes because they're putting on a show and they'd give me a little bit of a money at the end of the night And I became a regular thing every single night. I was fighting three four times a night I always fought even though they were Like it was show fights today. My they were to me. It was a real fight, you know, I was moving away from like The meetings and recovery spending more time You know with these tires and in the ring and meeting Girls I met this girl and I fell in love with it She couldn't speak a word of English. The relationship was based on a dictionary, you know, I found out that she had another fella another partner I was just so broken and so weird and so deluded and I know all my feelings were all over the place and and getting in the ring Was not the answer. It didn't solve Every every issue is Always brought back to the front by a female It'd be feeling like all of these stories were the common denominator be a few common denominator be a female The problem we didn't take away the pain And I remember sitting in a bar on my own staring at this drink And I said come here the double whiskey Pody it's in front of me You know, you gotta remember I'm three years after this this time shit in there staring at it. And it's like I'm fighting with myself You know, the fuck it's kicked in I just picked her up and I drank it and that was you picked up the phone spoke to another foreigner that I knew he was He was actively taking drugs and drinking It's all to meet me He met up and said what's your need I said, okay Came back about five minutes later and give us these little pink pills WI on them Well, if you're gonna do these long tablets the monasticity or No, no, you smoke them put them on the WA be a street name for method of fat and mean a highly addicted and harmful Stimulant drug well started To show us how to do it brought a little tube put in a mold Put a little flame under this pill and it just changed it turned into oil It's not as a bubble. I smoke starts to come up It's past to me Just just an air bill my dish Feeling that just just feeling of crack head Feeling the crack in your body Over it was just Exhilarating, you know, I wanted more and here we go you got to chasing that first high again That you can never achieve twice Are you aware of the the potential consequences of being caught with drugs in Thailand because it's quite severe penalties Do you know what to be honest that I remember It didn't really it's all women when I was buying these drugs and taking them You know, I felt it was untouchable. I was invincible because the police have pulled you up Regular on these motorbikes and you wouldn't be wearing helmets and they'd be taking backhanders off you and you know They were corrupt. There's you know as as a police force over there is And that's what I thought it happened, you know, I've always get away with it That's to be fair. I started I developed a habit with the other right. That's it As soon as I pick up I'm using I'm in the grip of addiction. I need to fund it Fighting wasn't enough. I wasn't earning enough money Someone offered me a way out is a pack of pills shall lend to the tourists in the clubs You know, you can use you can you can pay us what you need to and and life can be a little bit better for you So that's what it did. Got you locked in forever with that with that type of Offer, oh, you can use you can do whatever it just pays but like you locked in forever. You're an addicted user You don't use all of that stuff. I'm a big mistake. I'm in a raid in my room. The police don't look on land. I've Movie what's going on here? There was no windows in this apartment. It was just a dingy little apartment So shut the door sat with me back against it. I think oh, you're messing Just getting banged banged on it's just a bang bang bang bang Open the door police No, don't believe you flows right in I'm stalling a new straight away. The police know the mean and ID cards come under the door I didn't even look at it. Just seen a face But back open the door They've rushed in at me on the floor feast and I was behind me back a little clip clip around the back of the head And that was you I was arrested You know, I just thought that's it. I'm going down How was that first night in prison and then how did you feel? And I remember going into the shell and it was just shocker So when they bang bang bang knock on the door you had no time to flush They patiently wait for you to view the ID It's how you meet there was about 80 inmates in the show I was like a tenor size inch There was no space whatsoever and I looked around at all the eyes looking up at me I had to put that mask on again. I was terrified You know, but I was acting brave at the same time like that a little bit of a swagger And I went and I got ordered to sleep in the corner next to this guy who passed away. They've got strobe lights on 24 hours a day You go out in the morning. I wanted to sleep next to a an unalive to body Why was it still in there? Well, this is the Thai prison. Okay, you know the Sean's hitting you At 6 7 in the morning when you get opened up you're out until about 5 in the evening It's the light you put in your shell the lights are on in your shell. You've got a hard concrete floor. There's no mattresses You know, I'm sleeping next to a toilet. No people are in and out There's no privacy You know, you know, and I'm eating food and it's causing problems in my stomach and I've got diarrhea and I'm sick all the time I'm still suffering with sorrows with these drugs You know, I'm using on the slide and you can't really use anything anywhere You're not to go to really like the toilets put a blanket over here I mean the toilets outside in the compound where people were shelling the bodies did that they have makeshift tents and They be shelling the bodies for cigarettes and You know, just to hear ice. You said inside of a Thai prison is it like What you mean they were selling a body for sticky rice They were selling their bodies for sticky rice and wait go back man It's outside in the compound where people were shelling the bodies did that they have makeshift tents and they be shelling the bodies for cigarettes and You know, Steve men will sell me body to men You're right a mango How were your fellow inmates treating you and I suppose how are the guards treating you being a foreigner? Well, I was I was very volatile and reactive, and I couldn't communicate with them, and that was a struggle. I kind of explained to them how I felt, and, you know, telling them what I was feeling saddened. I felt lonely and hurt, and, you know, not being able to convey that to them, to the ties was really difficult. And if they speak to me, and I could sense they were speaking to me with a bit of venom, then I'd react and I'd be fighting with them. Now, the ties, they don't fight on their own. There's never a one-to-one. They call it mamoo, which is like... They were jubbling you. They was all gang business is what they call letting Chicago, or... They was all... Packers, logs. You didn't want the old jump on you, and I had that a few times. They were coming out of the face the morning and getting involved in a fight with these three foreigners. These two Australians and an Iranian. One hit me over the head with a chair, one punched me in the head with these metal rings. I'm biting this other one, and I'm starting to not go... I don't want to go down because I don't want to go down. I'm not getting up. The whistle blows, guards come running, they break it up. I've got blood all over me. This kid's got blood all over him. I get taken to the hospital. I'm shitting in this chair. These ties are looking at me and they're laughing at me. And I'm already feeling lousy about what's happened. And I've reacted and I've threw a punch at this kid. This tie, medic. And then I'm being hit over the head with a bat. Knocked me out. And then I'm waking up to this... I thought it was a girl. It's happened. Says everybody in Thailand. Waking up to this... I thought it was a girl. Says everybody in Thailand. It's happened. I caught them all over these cuts. In this year. Gotcha. I was a ladyboy, you know. And they showed me some compassion and understanding. The term used in Thailand for a transgender woman. The term is often seen as offensive. And empathy. You know, it was... It was nice to feel... That kind of intimacy. Where is this going? You can understand me. I was transferred to Clung Prem Bangkok Prison. After about a year of being in Chiang Mai. In Chiang Mai there was over 4,000 inmates. And that was a small prison. When I went to Bangkok, I had 20,000 inmates. So it was a different kind of a deal there. And it was a different kind of a deal there. And I was warned that Bangkok was a lot more dangerous than Chiang Mai. Chiang Mai was more forgiving. Make sense, Bangkok. Big city. I remember sitting by this library one afternoon. And this young Thai has ran past me. And I've seen another Thai running behind him. And he had a knife in his hand. The guy with the knife getting closer. Then suddenly a Thai next to me has come running out with... You know, just a metal chair. I just stopped this kid in his tracks and whacked him. Right across the face, he's at the floor. This guy's on him and he's stabbing him. And it's a knife. It's not a homemade knife, it's a proper knife. And he's stabbing him. And the death shots, they're going in the neck. They're going in the lungs. They're just cold, calculating. Not in the friends, he's just stabbing them. In the back, in the legs. And the screams were absolutely in your mind. So was it like a setup? The very depth of his bowel, it was horrible. And I just stood there. You minding your business as you should have. Transfixed, I couldn't. It was a vein. It was like it was happening in slow motion. I looked around, the crowd started to gather. There was about 50 people. And they were screaming, calm on, calm on, calm on. And I didn't know what that meant at the time. But I do know what it means, kill them. And that's what they were all chanting. Kill them, kill them, kill them. And the prison is this. And these two commanders just casually walked over after the crowd had dispersed, the guy with the knife had got off. He's on the floor in the pool of blood. I'm still standing there. There's a couple of other foreigners with me. We're all looking at each other in disbelief. They go to the body, the commanders kick it. Notice it's not moving, it's lifeless. You get someone to bring it slowly in, put the body on it, and just cut it out. Straight out of the movie scene, it's crazy. The... They tell me about some gal-ma, gal-ma, gal-ma. Like, what? I'm used to hearing, defense, defense. You know what I'm saying? Like, something. Muay Thai, boxing. Different. Are you able to talk about your experiences with that? I'd had enough. You know, I didn't want to fight in the prison. I didn't want to be putting these shells on me own or left to rot. I thought I wasn't going to fight back. All the other Thai's looked at me, you know, with suspicion, and I got a pair of mitts, put them on, so I had to punch them away at the back of them. And he's seen that he had a few skills. And Thai's loved a bit, you know what I mean? So he said, look, we've got the Sean Cram, which is the Thai New Year. I think it's in April. And they have these big shows. You know, I got friendly with the boxing coach. He wants to put me in with one of his best boxers called Pon. I remember getting in the ring that afternoon to cheers and applause and, you know, people putting bets on me. You know, it was an incredible feeling. And I fought that guy and I beat him. And it was the respect that he received from the rest of the prison. And, you know, the boxers was heartwarming. OK, so you did that. Did that also put a target on you? OK, this is probably one of the better fighters in the prison. Let me see if, like, the prisoner's thinking, like, let me see if I can take them out or did you just have the respect of them now? And it was on the tight time, like, leave them alone type thing. The feelings he gave me. You know, it was better than any drug I've ever took. And I'd always, like, regretted not having a career in boxing. And I don't know. It kind of humbled me. It gave me that discipline and that routine. It allowed me to face my fears. How long in total were you in prison in Thailand and what year were you released? I'd say three years. When it's 2005, I got released from Thailand, England, September 2010. Once again, well done. And how did you feel upon your release? I felt, you know, it was a different, it was a culture shock. I always found that I struggled to adapt to, you know, to the UK way of living. I was comparing the price of everything, the people. You know, I was very shoved-shaving. It was yesterday, no shame. You know, I was beating, there was beatings at home when I was in Thailand. You know, you had to really be below the guard. So everything, even, like, the screws in Wandsworth were quite like, well, you're here now. They put me in prison in Wandsworth and I took away the mattress and slipped on the floor. But then I wrote a barry. And I thought to me, that was the most therapeutic thing because, you know, I couldn't escape the wears on the paper. How did you manage to get back onto a straight path from that point? Yeah, I bet you that is a big culture shock. Like, a big, big crate, like, going from a Thai prison where 80 people in a room, going to a UK prison where you got your own personal toilet in the cell, porcelain probably blocked off with a curtain, PS2, you know what I'm saying? Like, where are you on? You got Air Max Vapors and all that. You know, different. So it went to me, it was, like, a detox initially, you know, get off what you was on. I knew there was a way out because of being there before. I just had to kind of put this into play, you know, apply it in my life. Get through the detox, get through, get myself back into recovery. So it's okay to start, you know, building a bridge to normal living. Get a job. Get yourself a house, get a car, all the stuff that we're meant to do in life and get, you know. I think I got it too quick. It was a book that became, like, a best-seller within six months, which was quite bizarre. Bizarre? You had a crazy story. You had a Liverpoolian in a Thai prison. That's a death stuff. It became a movie and, like, I was overwhelmed. Oh, A Prayer Before Dawn. A movie, huh? Okay. A Prayer Before Dawn. The producers and people knocking at me door and ringing me up. Actors getting, you know, casted for this role and scripts and directors. I was like, all right, you know, I didn't know how to deal with it all. Shit, nobody knows how to deal with that. You know, then I get it with cancer, stage three, you know. This man survived a Thai prison, didn't get through with stage three cancer, and it looks like he's on a mission. I missed it at all. I mean, Dad had just passed away the year before. And I was put on chemo. And I went from 16 stone to nine stone within 12 weeks. Lost all my air. I got a big payout of this from this movie. Where paid me even though I couldn't go in. I had credit cards. I had loads of money. I was clean for five years. I hit the road hard. I spent every penny I had. I thought I was going to die anyway. I'm going to go out with a bang. And then I survived. I finished the course of chemo. There was not a left of me. I lost my house. I lost my car. I went to the oncologist. I sat there thinking, okay, I'll accept me to my house. This is it. You know what I mean? Mr. Moore, you're okay. Glad to say you're going to be fine. I spent all the money doing big chemo, and he was thinking like, God, God, I'm alive, I can't catch a break. You've cleared the cancer. What? What do you mean? I was like, you're having a laugh. I said, I'm okay. I've got money out. I've got a bit of cancer. And he said, at least you need to pay the bills. And how are you now? Brilliant. He said I couldn't have kids. I've never had children. Now I've got a two-year-old. Congratulations. Yeah, he's a miracle soldier. And forgive me for being emotional, because it's always something that I've wanted in my life is to net you a little me and allow sort of like into other's choices and do what he'd like to do instead of being beaten and battered. I could never imagine like hitting him the way I was hitting him the way I was. Just give me that opportunity, say. The last like 40s that I watched was like kids, kids, kids. I always changed people's lives. I'm glad though, because the last four dudes they come across are like good parents. Change someone else and bring them up the right way.