Dear my beloved son,
I am writing you this letter on your first birthday. I cannot believe you have been on this earth for 365 days. It is shocking how much you have changed already in the short time that I have known you.
I hope when you are older you get to watch this. Just in case, I am sure I will have a copy stored somewhere where you can find it. It will probably embarrass you, and you will sigh and complain about how I had to document everything, but my precious baby boy, this is one of my many presents to you.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I panicked. Even thou I hadn’t hung out with many Mom’s, and you were only the 2nd baby I had ever held, I knew what a huge responsibility it was to be a parent. It is human nature to be selfish, I was so concerned and wrapped up in how my life was changing forever. I wasn’t ready, or so I thought.
It didn’t help that you made me so sick for the first five months. I like to joke now that I was your oven, and I didn’t have it easy because God was cooking up something really good. All I know is that when I saw you on that ultrasound that first time, and even then you had huge feet, it finally hit me that you were real.
As my stomach grew, so did the space that you took up in my heart. I will even forgive the rollercoaster like moves that you did in my tummy, the weird places that you stuck your hand and feet that made it super uncomfortable, and your late arrival to this planet because they are part of memories that I will cherish.
The first time I held you in my arms is the first time in my life that I was 100% sure of something. I knew, without a doubt, that I was meant to be your Mom. Even thou I had never changed a diaper, I knew instantly how to hold you and comfort you and what you needed. Because the day you came into this world, you took the best parts of me with you.
You took my joy, because when your happy, I’m happy. You took my determination, because every time you learn something new, I feel like I just learned it too. You took my confidence, because there isn’t a person that you meet that you don’t look straight at in the eye and smile, inviting them to fall in love with you too. You took my kindness, because I didn’t have to teach you the concept of sharing, you just came out of the womb giving.
You are all the best parts of me and strangely completely your own person.
In your life, you will face your own challenges, it won’t always be easy or black and white. You will have to make some hard choices, get your heart broken, and experience disappoint and loss, but I promise you that I will always be there. They call it growing up, not growing down, and up is where you will go.
I pray that you will find your purpose, whatever it is, and chase the things that you are passionate about. I pray that you will find love, true love, and that it will make you better for it. I pray that you will always know your worth, because you are priceless. I pray that no matter how many times you fall down, that you smile and get right back up. I pray that your strength is a pillar for others to lean on, because even now I see glimpses of that man that you are going to become and I am so proud.
And forgive me. Forgive me for when I didn’t always buy the toy that you wanted, or let you stay up late, or say the right thing. Forgive me for the times that I had to work, for when I was away from you, and for hugging you probably more than you want to be hugged.
Forgive me for not being perfect, and forgive yourself too when you aren’t either.
And thank you, because even thou it is your birthday, every day with you has been a gift, and it my honor to get to call you my own!