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I'm not sure how to start this. I've been contemplating how to write the first sentence for the last 30 min.
This will be difficult.
Alright...I'll do my best.
Less than 48 hours ago my mind was blown. I never thought I would personally witness love on such a level. It wasn't the kind of love that provokes butterflies and the "head over heals" feeling. No, this was the kind of love that requires choice, patience and obedience. One that resonates with the popular and often overused bible verse you hear at weddings, "love is patient, love is kind, etc..." But in this case, love was patient. And "love is patient" is where I would like to focus.
Almost three years ago I wrote a song called, "Dashes" about my pursuit of music and surrender of a relationship. It was my way of asking a young woman to let me go to pursue my dreams in a different place, in a different way.
The first line of the song, "Maybe one day I'll come back here"
Talk about full circle. Sheesh. Let me explain.
13 days ago something inside of me broke. Something inside of me changed. I realized that my pursuit of music, well, not just my pursuit of music, but my entire life had become more about me than I ever wanted it to be. I was a little more selfish and a little more prideful. I was being unfair to people. I was manipulative. Please read this if you'd like to know details: http://on.fb.me/1msInVY
Graciously, I was given two options. One, continue living the "rockstar" lifestyle pursuing exposure/fame/money/etc (a lifestyle that I've always imagined to be 100% fulfilling but it's never really delivered) or I could return home for re-evaluation and a much needed reality check. Thankfully, I've been broken to a point where I need to be home, I need change, I need time to recover from the busyness of music, the battlefield of touring and depravity of Los Angeles.
The second line of Dashes, "Maybe one day I'll be able to love you like I should"
I guess there was a much bigger plan in place (a divine one) that I couldn't shake. Yes, I came home to rest, but also, there was an overwhelming desire to make amends with several people. People that I have hurt. People that didn't deserve to be hurt. One person in particular was the girl I wrote "Dashes" about.
Yesterday, we met for lunch. A mutual idea.
When you don't talk to someone for three years, you hold on to the idea that they are going to be the same person as when you last saw them. When in reality, people change. And this change was BEAUTIFUL. Unexpected. Inspiring. She was the example of love personified. Not the fall in love, I want to be with you, I've waited for you kind of love. It was the mature, I truly want what's best for you kind of love. The, "I've been praying for you to come to this place of brokenness, so you can see the real plan for your life" kind of love. She said, "When I met you, God told me that I was going to love you differently than anyone else. And it wasn't just when we were together. I never understood why, but now, looking back, it all makes sense."
I was shocked. humbled. speechless.
And then she said it, "Tyler, you're forgiven"
"You're forgiven." When you hear these words from someone you've been ashamed to approach because you've treated them unfairly. It's freeing. It's liberating. It's healing. Gosh. It's something that I can't quite explain over a Facebook post.
We continued to talk and there was much conversation in our 3 hours together. But I'm going to leave you with that. Leave you with my understanding that there is freedom in forgiveness. There is healing in forgiveness. I'm not sure this will resonate with you, but it's something that I felt like I needed to share. Do with it what you will, but my hope is that we can all get to a place where forgiveness is possible.
Thank you for reading.
PS. For whatever reason, I've had the hardest time releasing this song on youtube. But today, It feels right. Please feel free to share this if you like it.
HUGE Shoutout to my boy Daniil for putting this together!
Check him out here!
Song Produced by: Tyler Ward & Mike Binder via Tyler Ward Studios and MGBMusic.com