2,242,771
  • 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT GIRLFRIENDS

    257,528 views 3 days ago
    Girlfriends... they can actually be pretty awesome, just like boyfriends... but as seen in many internet girlfriend memes, there are downsides. Now not all these things apply to all women... duh, but you know... some people will find this to be painfully relevant.

    Thank you to Madison DeCambrafor being in this video :)

    The Original Script:

    10 Things I Hate About Girlfriends

    1. They never offer to pay for anything.
    Greg: So I’ll order the pizza?
    Girlfriend: Yeah.
    Greg: …with my money?
    Girlfriend: Yeah…
    Greg: Even though we both have jobs?
    Girlfriend: …yeah.
    Greg: *sigh*

    2. They never tell you what they want, but will complain when it’s too late.
    Girlfriend: You haven’t gone down on me in weeks.
    Greg: Did… you ever ask me to?
    Girlfriend: No.
    Greg: So… like I can’t build a time machine.
    Girlfriend: Well I’m pis*** now!
    Greg: THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING!
    Girlfriend: YOU SHOULD HAVE READ MY MIND!!!
    Greg: *** ***** IT WOMAN!

    3. An lot of girlfriends are shy… god that’s annoying.
    Greg: Can you call the utility company about our bill?
    Girlfriend: No, I’m scared.
    Greg: Scared of what?
    Girlfriend: I’m scared to talk to them.
    Greg: Why?
    Girlfriend: Because I’m ****ing stupid.
    Greg: I agree wholeheartedly.

    4. They’ll get jealous when it makes no sense.
    Girlfriend: It’s ok if you look at ****, I don’t mind.
    Greg: Ok… well I do.
    Girlfriend: YOU LOOK AT ****!?
    Greg: Yes… sometimes.
    Girlfriend: OH MY GOD!! THOSE PICTURES ARE GOING TO STEAL YOU AWAY FROM ME!
    Greg: …how???
    Girlfriend: They’re going to come out of the computer screen like the movie the ring and **** you because that is the only way me getting upset over this makes sense!
    Greg: WHAT!? MY COMPUTER WILL HAVE *** WITH ME? AWESOME!
    Girlfriend: AHHHHHH!!

    5. They act like you’re horrible for being a man.
    Girlfriend: Do you ever think about other women?
    Greg: Yes, like… all the time.
    Girlfriend: WHAT!?
    Greg: I have millions of ***** inside me screaming to get out… you can only get pregnant once every nine months, while I can impregnate every damn day!
    Girlfriend: What does that have to do with anything!?
    Greg: I’m a BANG machine! I’m designed to mindlessly reproduce till I die!
    Girlfriend: So you’re just going to go bang women now?
    Greg: No… I’m going to be loyal, despite my natural urgent to bang numerous women, I’m just saying I’m allowed to think about it… is that ok?
    Girlfriend: NO!!!!!!!!
    Greg: IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE MAD EITHER WAY THAN I MAY AS WELL SLEEP AROUND!
    Girlfriend: I WANT TO DIE!!!!
    Greg: You should have been a ******!

    6. They get mad when you hit them.
    *guy punches girl*

    6. Just kidding, don’t hit women, it’s bad… unless they’re bigger than you.
    *fake laughter*

    6. Anyway, girlfriends are also almost always too emotional.
    Girlfriend: Your video games suck & your anime sucks too.
    Greg: Ok, now you’re being a *****.
    Girlfriend: Did you just call me a *****?
    Greg: Yes?
    Girlfriend: Oh my god… you… called me… a b*****.
    Greg: Yeah, so just call me a d*** or do****** and we’ll be even.
    Girlfriend: No… instead of me throwing out back I’m just going to be a viiiictummm. *cries*
    Greg: Well there goes any chance at happiness today.
    Girlfriend: *crying hysterically*

    7. They almost all insanely insecure about their bodies.
    Girlfriend: Do I look good *****?
    Guy: Yeah… you look great.
    Girlfriend: But not AMAZING? Just GREAT?
    Guy: …ok, you look amazing.
    Girlfriend: NO! You said “GREAT” it’s too late! I’m sorry I’m not PERFECT!
    Guy: Are you about to cry again.
    Girlfriend: *starts to tear up*
    Guy: In 3… 2… 1….
    Girlfriend: *bawling*
    Guy: Je** *****

    8. They act like they get over things but they NEVER get over things.
    Girlfriend: Hey honey!
    Guy: Hi.
    Girlfriend: What did you do today?
    Guy: Just, hung around the house.
    Girlfriend: M***** TO P***** WHILE COMPARING OTHER WOMEN’S BODIES TO MY HORRIBLE ONE! AHHHHH!!! *runs off*
    Guy: *puts **** in his mouth*

    *RAN OUT OF SPACE*

    OnisionSpeaks - http://youtube.com/onisions...
    UhOhBro - http://youtube.com/uhohbro
    OnisionArchive - http://youtube.com/onisiona...

    Contact Onision - http://onision.com/contact

    iTunes - https://goo.gl/RpdHt8
    My Book - http://amzn.com/0692418636
    Tumblr - http://onision.net Show less
    Read more
  • Uploads Play all

    • 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT GIRLFRIENDS - Duration: 4 minutes, 39 seconds.

      • 3 days ago
      • 257,528 views
      Girlfriends... they can actually be pretty awesome, just like boyfriends... but as seen in many internet girlfriend memes, there are downsides. Now not all these things apply to all women... duh, b...
    • Taking 10 Years Off My Life (Makeover Before & After) - Duration: 4 minutes, 56 seconds.

      • 6 days ago
      • 221,609 views
      I went through a makeover, one orchestrated by myself... this is before and after that makeover where I take about 10 years off my life... I know some will argue I did more, others will suggest I d...
    • My Boyfriend Abuses Me (Comedy) - Duration: 4 minutes, 52 seconds.

      • 1 week ago
      • 122,048 views
      My boyfriend hits me, he strangles me, he has used a drug or something to make me pass out, I love animals and he shot one... there's just so many things my boyfriend has done that is abusive... pl...
    • Onision: The NEW Reality Show (2017) - Duration: 5 minutes, 40 seconds.

      • 1 week ago
      • 137,866 views
      So I recorded my first every reality show with Anastazia Nichole. Her channel: goo.gl/mDQYrL - It was fun to record with her, but as you can tell, when it comes to reality TV in general: Onision no...
      • CC
    • Fun With Onision 2017 - Duration: 3 minutes, 45 seconds.

      • 2 weeks ago
      • 302,445 views
      It's snowed, I haven't done a fun with Onision in a while... so? What do you do? You... make a freaking fun with Onision duh. In this video I face the harsh weather head on... like no really, why b...
      • CC
    • 1000 Degree Knife vs Holy Bible - Duration: 6 minutes, 10 seconds.

      • 2 weeks ago
      • 214,431 views
      It's a 1000 degree knife & the Holy Bible! But first! A ton of other stuff :) Let's cut through a soda, matches... tons of other stuff? This was a lot of fun, especially the deodorant which smelled...
    • Melting KIDS TOYS With A BLOW TORCH - Duration: 7 minutes, 11 seconds.

      • 2 weeks ago
      • 119,454 views
      Let's take a blow torch to a massive number of random toys... sounds like fun right? Well, today I bought a blow torch and I happen to be into science... like the science of burning Mario's head......
    • Social Justice Warrior Reacts To Onision - Duration: 4 minutes.

      • 3 weeks ago
      • 144,023 views
      We tried to make everyone believe Onision was a criminal in one way, it failed. We waited a while and tried to make everyone believe he was a criminal in another way... we failed again... we had to...
      • CC
    • 32 Different Laughs Without Smiling - Duration: 3 minutes, 39 seconds.

      • 4 weeks ago
      • 175,984 views
      TECHNICALLY the Seth Rogan laughs were different because of the contexts guys... GOD. Anyway, these are at least 20+ different laughs... you could say 32 different laughs, but all these libtard con...
      • CC
    • Leaked Video: Onision & His Wife - Duration: 4 minutes, 8 seconds.

      • 1 month ago
      • 249,202 views
      So I got the random idea to make a tape with Lainey & then leak it so I become super famous... like, this is it, I'm finally going to be a worldwide super star, famous forever and ever... maybe I'l...
    • We Need Your Help - Duration: 3 minutes, 50 seconds.

      • 1 month ago
      • 204,062 views
      Bullying is a serious issue & I wanted to address it in a way many people have not considered yet for the sake of ensuring at least one bully gets the help they need. Me. If you want to send me to ...
    • Onision's Baby Update - Duration: 3 minutes, 22 seconds.

      • 1 month ago
      • 270,503 views
      Here's some footage of Onision taking care of his baby. Clearly he is a very good father & also clearly this video is a joke. If you are offended or do not find this funny, know that I never want t...
    This item has been hidden
  • Popular uploads Play all

    This item has been hidden
  • This item has been hidden
  • 10 THINGS I HATE Play all

    10 Things I Hate is a series created by Onision, dedicated to funny sketches about hating different things... fun!
    This item has been hidden
  • Onision Music Videos Play all

    All of Onision's non "I'm So" music videos. Find The Ever Love, Scene Kid Love, and others here.
    • SHOWER SONG (How To Take A Shower) - Duration: 2 minutes, 20 seconds.

      • 6 years ago
      • 4,689,722 views
      The shower song teaches everyone how to take a shower in one of the most fun ways possible. Onision dumps soap all over while leaving his clothes on while singing the shower song for your entertain...
    • Hula Hoop Song - Duration: 2 minutes, 1 second.

      • 7 years ago
      • 2,893,028 views
      The Hula Hoop song by Onision is YouTube music video all about having fun with your own Hula Hoop. Can you do the hoolahoop? Can you do the hula hula hoop? THE MOST AMAZING HULA HOOP SONG IN THE UN...
    • I Love Potatoes (Potato Song) - Duration: 2 minutes, 5 seconds.

      • 5 years ago
      • 2,169,052 views
      This music video is about my love for potatoes. I love potatoes so much that I wrote a potato song and sang about my love for it. I wrote & sang this song when I was 15. I'm 26 now & I decided to t...
      • CC
    • I'll Never Stop Loving You (A Song For My Son) - Duration: 3 minutes, 4 seconds.

      • 2 years ago
      • 874,345 views
      Thank you for all the requests for my latest songs to be on iTunes, keep looking, a new album should be out in the coming months: https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/onision/id422119584

      Lyrics:
      Whe...
      • CC
    • HAIR DYE SONG - Duration: 2 minutes, 11 seconds.

      • 4 years ago
      • 795,980 views
      If you're looking for a tutorial on how to dye your hair... keep looking. I'm a dork who has barely any idea what he's doing... however I did successfully dye my hair... without missing spots too! ...
      • CC
    • UNSUBSCRIBE SONG - Duration: 2 minutes, 2 seconds.

      • 3 years ago
      • 738,405 views
      NOW ON ITUNES: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/unsubscribe/id704538955...

      YouTube thinks the Onision channel & many others should make a video trying to get people to subscribe to us. A...
    • Mime Song - Duration: 109 seconds.

      • 5 years ago
      • 724,717 views
      Two mimes rap, dance and rip tricks like mimes do. They lyrics? I donno... watermelons? I'm pretty sure they said "Watermelon" somewhere in there... do you see it?

      Download the free MP3: http://...
    • No One Will Remember Your Name - Duration: 2 minutes, 37 seconds.

      • 3 years ago
      • 692,484 views
      Originally I was just going to upload the music video portion of this video... but it was horribly depressing so I had Emo Charlie point out how mental it is. Thanks Charlie :)

      Send Onision messag...
      • CC
    • PEE PEE SONG - Duration: 2 minutes, 4 seconds.

      • 5 years ago
      • 657,277 views
      CRAZY fun music video with trannies, rappers & frozen sacks!!! Oh my!!!

      Pee Pee Song by SmellzYeButt & Onision - YEAH!!!!

      SmellzYeButt's Channel - http://youtube.com/smellzyebutt

      Onision'...
      • CC
    • Fat Fat Burger Burger - Duration: 2 minutes, 8 seconds.

      • 7 years ago
      • 621,771 views
      A super fun song for everyone :) Cow cow goat goat :D

      The Fat Fat Burger Burger song is now available on iTunes!!! ~ http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/fat-fat-burger-burger/id...
    • Black Ink (New Single by Onision) - Duration: 4 minutes, 22 seconds.

      • 2 years ago
      • 602,807 views
      Thank you for reviewing Black Ink on iTunes!:
      https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/black-ink-single/id9071...

      Lyrics To Black Ink:

      Tonight I'm polluting your body,
      Your mind's so broken,
      And that ...
      • CC
    • Happy Fun Song - Duration: 2 minutes, 10 seconds.

      • 7 years ago
      • 554,516 views
      More comments, fun fun reading comments... comments :)

      Happy Fun Song is now available on iTunes!!! http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/happy-fun-song/id5059916...

      This song was creat...
    This item has been hidden
  • This item has been hidden
  • More Onision Content

    This item has been hidden
to add this to Watch Later

Add to

Loading playlists...