How to deal with people who hurt you. We spend so much time and energy hoping people won’t say or do things to hurt us, or wound us…And what happens? Inspite of all efforts, others still manage to hurt us.
Why do we take things personally anyways?
When we were babies, we were really happy with how we were…I don’t know about you, but I haven’t heard a single baby say , “ Oh my god, I have really packed on pounds” or “ I hate my nose”….but then as we start to grow, we start getting used to being judged…we start believing what our parents or teachers or relatives or the neighbor’s dog’s adopted mother said about us , “you are too fat”, you talk soooo much, you are too loud, you are so bad at math, you are disorganised, you this that and million other not so nice things..
We also got used to competing for approval – for praise, for good grades, for athletic honors, promotions, and more importantly for love. For most of us, net net, all this criticism and comparison got set in to us as anxiety and a firm belief that we are not good enough.
And because we are not good enough, we gave others, mainly the authority figures in our life- our family- the permission to judge us and punish us…and then we forgot that we were the ones that gave them the power….we learnt to walk on eggshells, pave the roads with leather, play is safe and small, so that there was minimal pain.
I know I run on here, but how has that worked out for you, my friend?
If there is one book you need to read and internalize it is Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements. And if you just read the second agreement it says something like this…Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally…Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in.
This is my mantra…as a writer and life coach who exposes her soul, for you to ponder, analyze and criticize, I had to get used to the idea that not everyone will buy in to my point of view…being overly conscious of ridicule and criticism, I had to grow a thick skin to stand up and film these videos every week, or facilitate my workshops..Not to mention that my inner mean bitch really lets me have it). And remembering what Ruiz says, about taking things personally keeps me from absorbing the poison around me….and laugh instead of cry!!
Now you realize that your strategy of paving the world with leather doesn’t work…so the alternative is to take back that power you gave away, when you didn’t know better….
If you are asking HOW, check out the really simple tool in the TOOLBOX section.
If you need help, reach out. Connect with me:
Link'd In: www.linkedin.com/in/sheila-ram-mohan