Depression is the sadness you feel when everything in your life is going right.
ねこぼーろ - 自傷無色
music: nekobolo (sasanomaly)
song: jishou mushoku/self-inflicted achromatic
photo by _ _ _
Dear _ _ _, Please remember that you are not worthless in this world. Please be grateful of everything that you have done in this life, as there are those who are not so fortunate as you as to be blessed with such wonderful gifts. The music you create is very powerful. You can bring together the hearts and minds of everyone, regardless of who and where they are. Your piano playing is unique. I have not encountered another pianist who can play as you do, but they have not felt the pain as you have. Your pain is in your piano playing. Not even your photography can express the amount of vim and vigor that blesses the keys of the piano that you play. Those friends who you let push you away; I bet they're just as willing to be your friend again if you let them. I hope you can see that there are people out there who care about you, even if you feel like they do not. The community you left behind was appreciative of the things you created in their wake, even if you never came to positive terms with them. If as a whole, just remember that there are friendships that you have made there that have helped you through one of your darkest times. I am positive that those same people are willing to be your friend; if you let them. Some of those people are grateful that you have entered their lives. They are the reason you are still here today. Colorless suicide is the extreme interpretation of this song. Please do not join hands with siinamota, you are not ready to leave this world behind yet. Your life is just as colorful as it has been since you were born. The world deserves a palette full of you.
We are in this together, so stop being a Nonsense Speaker.
To those who are reading this long after it has been posted, please understand that this is a life long battle I will have to fight. I may be retired, but I can never leave music behind. Music is my only way of describing an ineffable pain that no one else can feel except me. My music may be able to resonate with listeners, but it is never the same as being in my shoes. If I could ever pass on this "skill" or "talent", that I consider a "curse", to others, they would quickly realize why it is such. I truly am sorry for the friendships I have broken, and will possibly break because of my terrible being. I wish we can be friends again, but I fear the cycle may just repeat itself.
I cannot listen to my arrangement of Jishou Mushoku without shedding tear. I can honestly boast that all the other covers out there of this song; vocals or instrumental, are not as powerful, yet as simple; as mine.
In the back of my mind there is always the lingering thought that I may not be able to win one of those days over, and it genuinely scares me.
I have prepared, and I expect that day to come.