Underagechicken 

If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out. 

Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often. 

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 

It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat. 

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. 

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques. 

A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good. 

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.