_kattar_dhanuk_302

@_kattar_dhanuk_302
By Hanif Abdurraqib / Illustration by Lennard Kok I have spent a lot of time these last two years managing small collisions of feeling: sadness laid over pleasure, heartbreak laid over some unnamed desire. This was a result of prolonged pandemic living and all the little rituals we’ve devised to get through it: the Zoom birthday parties, wedding receptions, dance get-togethers, trivia nights. I enjoyed the idea of these events — but the thought of attending them filled me with a cocktail of longing and dread, despite the immense pleasure I felt in seeing the faces of people I loved. The minute-by-minute emotional contradictions of this era have been fascinating to watch unfold, and I’ve been searching for music capacious enough to hold them all.

My pandemic soundtracks came to revolve around what I call “sad bangers.” More plainly put, songs whose lyrics of grief, anxiety, yearning or some other mild or great darkness are washed over with an upbea