Ask Wellington

Welcome to Ask Wellington — Headquarters of the Department of Human Affairs. 🐾

I'm Wellington, Basset Hound, Chief Investigator, household supervisor and highly experienced observer of human behaviour.

Humans are fascinating creatures. They say things like “Drop it,” “Get down,” and “What have you got now?” — often for reasons that remain unclear.

Here you'll find Ask Wellington, where I provide life advice despite having absolutely no qualifications; Incident Reports documenting suspicious human activity and alleged puppy misconduct; and real adventures from life with my staff, otherwise known as Mom and Dad.

I investigate. I document. I report.

And for the record: dogs do not steal. We acquire.

🐾 Chief Investigator Wellington
Investigating Humans Since 2026

Subscribe and submit your questions for Wellington in the comments. All cases will be reviewed between naps.