WoodyAllenJesus
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Uploaded by timminchin on Dec 22, 2011
This song was meant to air on the Jonathan Ross Show tomorrow night (23rd December 2011), but at the last minute ITV cut it. Here's my whiney blog about it (originally published at www.timminchin.com):
I really like Jonathan Ross. I think he's a funny, interesting, kind person, and an excellent interviewer. I also really like his wife... But let's not get back into that.
Jonathan and his wonderful producer, Suzi, have been incredibly supportive of me and so when they asked me to write a song for their pre-Christmas show, I didn't hesitate. It was the worst possible time to be writing a new song -- I've been overworked and ill, was on tour, and was really feeling the stress. But I wasn't going to say no... it's Jonathan Ross! And my fellow guests were to be Tom Cruise, the divine actors from Downton Abbey, and the ace In-Betweeners boys.
So I got to writing. Being Christmas, I thought it would be fun to do a song about Jesus, but being TV, I knew it would have to be gentle. The idea was to compare him to Woody Allen (short, Jewish, philosophical, a bit hesitant), and expand into redefining his other alleged attributes using modern, popular-culture terminology.
It's not a particularly original idea, I admit, but it's quite cute. It's certainly not very contentious, but even so, compliance people and producers and lawyers all checked my lyrics long before the cameras rolled. As always with these bespoke writing jobs, I was really stressed for about 3 days, and almost chucked it in the bin 5 times, and freaked out that it wasn't funny and all that boring shit that people like me go through when we're lucky enough to have with a big audience with high expectations. And if I'm honest, it ain't a world-changing bit of comedy. Regardless...
On Tuesday night last week, we taped the show. I met Tom (he's nice and quite laid-back off camera, and not very short) and the divine Downton ladies (swoon) and the lovely In-Betweeners chaps (yay) and I did my song and everyone laughed and Tom said it was great and when it was done I ran off set onto the back of a waiting motorbike, got from South Bank to the Hammersmith Apollo in 13 minutes, walked into the building, straight on to stage to sing White Wine in the Sun with Professor Brian Cox. Rock n roll.
Subsequently, Suzi and her team edited the show and everybody was happy. Suzi felt it had a nice balance of big-ticket celeb action, local talent, and a nice bit of that cheeky, iconoclastic spirit for which Jonathan is known and widely loved.
And then someone got nervous and sent the tape to ITV's director of television, Peter Fincham.
And Peter Fincham demanded that I be cut from the show.
He did this because he's scared of the ranty, shit-stirring, right-wing press, and of the small minority of Brits who believe they have a right to go through life protected from anything that challenges them in any way.
Yesterday I wrote a big rant about comedy and risk and conservatism; about the fact that my joke has no victim; about sacredness (oh God, not again!) and about the importance of laughing at dumb but pervasive ideas. But I trashed it because it's boring and takes it all too seriously. It's hardly the end of the world.
But I have to admit I'm really fucking disappointed.
It's 2011. The appropriate reaction to people who think Jesus is a supernatural being is mild embarrassment, sighing tolerance and patient education.
And anger when they're being bigots.
Oh, and satire. There's always satire.
Anywaaaaaaaaaay... the fun news is that I already had the footage of the song when they cut it. Yay. And so you can decide for yourself how offensive it is! Yippee.
I hope you enjoy my silly, harmless, accurate song of praise, "Woody Allen Jesus".
And I hope you all have wonderful Christmases.
- 12,779 likes, 277 dislikes
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Top Comments
All Comments (3,558)
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God he's so sexy.
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@LateQO I forgot to attribute the quote to Thomas Jefferson
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@LateQO “Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions. Ideas must be distinct before reason can act upon them; and no man ever had a distinct idea of the trinity. It is the mere Abracadabra of the mountebanks calling themselves the priests of Jesus.”
It's 1770. The appropriate reaction to people who think Jesus is supernatural is ridicule. lol
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@mightymop19 good point well made... he does swing though
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@hoorahforsnakes yeah but spiderman don't fly
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Lol_
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@lozziem84 I love that too. Enjoy. =)
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I love that my kids sing this song (my youngest is two, but he has a good go!). Great stuff :D
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with great power comes great responsibility is spiderman, but love this song so much
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Tim minchin is a brilliant christian man. He's done what few others could ever hope to: Get atheists everywhere to finally say "Praise be to jesus!" over and over.
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Why u 240p?
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Tim you song was great, I was laughing so hard at one point I paused it to catch my breath. ITV was wrong to cut you.
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good
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First of all just want to say your a legend! Second - they should not have cut this song... its quirky, funny and cheeky. If anyone does find it offensive thats a real bum... but it only means that they are missing out on the humor, those of us who choose to watch it get it good. :) LEGEND!!! xx
6 days ago 2
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No way this should have been cut! It is fantastic, only the tiny bit at the end could be offensive but hardly! This really should have aired, would have made so many people's Christmas! :|
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magic woody allen zombie superman komodo dragon telepathic vampire quantum hovercraft ME! Jesus
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love how my parents are really religious but they can't help but laugh whenever they hear Tim Minchin's songs, they love him!
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had this in my head all day!
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@tristangood Cheers man, that really made me smile!
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I listen to this all the time, such a catchy song! :D
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I watched that episode. It would have been so much better with this song.
1 week ago 2
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i think jebus is a pretty cool guy.
eh flys into heven and doesnt afraid of anything.
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I once met Tim in the street. A very lovely and humble bloke. I hope this comment doesn't ruin his career.
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@MarioMan273 mention*
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@ThoumasTube Cause Woody Allen is Jewish and philosophical just like jesus
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It was probably Phil Doust who told ITV to cut this song…
mihkelvirkus 2 weeks ago 72
Thumbs up for "It's 2011. The appropriate reaction to people who think Jesus is a supernatural being is mild embarrassment, sighing tolerance and patient education."
LateQO 3 weeks ago 50