When Love Gets Violent

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The 911 caller and her mother are safe, the abuser received 3 years probation and some jail time. (Lisa, San Diego) --Many are not so "lucky"... :(

Lizzy is not the caller, Lizzy was a young woman in my life killed by her boyfriend.

Thank you to Jason Shaw at http://www.audionautix.com for the music!

All information in this video was provided by the Domestic Violence Law Casebook (3rd Edition) by Nancy Lemon as well as personal experience and my crisis counselor training booklet.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 101 & RESOURCES:
find shelters and resources by STATE! - http://www.letswrap.com/usadv/
basic DV facts - http://bit.ly/bkSgiS
DV statistics- http://new.abanet.org/domesticviolence/Pages/Statistics.aspx
general info - http://www.domesticviolence.org
national org - http://www.ncadv.org/
overview of treatment & prevention - http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_preven...
recognizing abuse: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/domestic-violence/WO00044
examples of all types of abuse: http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Abuser/wheel.htm
why do women stay? -
1.http://www.eap.partners.org/worklife/domestic_abuse/why_do_women_stay/why_do_w­omen_stay_in_abusive_relationships.asp
2. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/173213/mentally_abusive_relationship...
ending violence against immigrant women - http://www.immigrantwomennetwork.org/
ending violence against men - http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/domestic-violence-against-men/MY00557
anti-domestic violence forces in US govt http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/
unicef publication - http://bit.ly/dy7hUd
power and control wheel - http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Abuser/wheel.htm
cycle of violence - http://www.domesticviolence.org/cycle-of-violence/

CONVERSING WITH/COACHING A SURVIVOR:
Questions:
-What would you like to see happen right now?
-How do you feel about all of this?
-What do you think he/she will do next?
-How can I help you feel more safe?
(**Ask broad questions - avoid yes/no)

Supportive phrases:
-You don't deserve this. Nobody does.
-I want to support you in every way I can, but you have to tell me how.
-I feel really awful that this is happening to you.
-No matter what, I'm going to be here. You always have me.
-My #1 concern right now is your safety.
-I can't imagine how much you must be dealing with right now.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN THE NEWS
October is DV Awareness Month:
http://www.wgil.com/localnews.php?xnewsaction=fullnews&newsarch=102010&am...
Whole Foods launches Twitter Campaign to support Domestic Violence Survivor Advocates:
http://www.thehotline.org/2010/05/whole-foods-launches-twitter-campaign-suppo...
Violence Against Women Act turns 16!
http://www.thehotline.org/2010/09/violence-against-women-act-turns-16-3/
New PBS Documentary on Domestic Violence:"
http://www.thehotline.org/2010/05/pbs-documentary-on-domestic-violence-to-pre...
Detroit March Against DV:
http://www.detnews.com/article/20101002/METRO01/10020356/1410/METRO01/Detroit...
San Diego Rally for Slain Woman:
http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2010/oct/01/friends-of-slain-woman-to-stan...

NATIONAL HOTLINES:
Domestic violence - 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) orTTY 1−800−787−3224.
Rape, abuse, and incest national network - 1-800-656-HOPE

HOW TO BECOME A COUNSELOR
Look up a crisis center, shelter, or family justice center closest to where you live (you might also have luck with family law firms that specialize in family violence). Note that these are typically in BIG cities, and those in outskirts may not be able to help in this way. However, by contacting the crisis center, you can learn what needs they have for your area.

Ask the center how to become a crisis counselor. Some states (definitely CA) require a certification, some require a 70 hour training, etc. They can direct you.

OTHER WAYS TO END VIOLENCE:
-Educate others about healthy relationships and resources
-Spread awareness on Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, and other social networking platforms. These are POWERFUL!
-Get involved at your local advocacy unit or a crisis hotline.
-Report violence when you see it, hear it, OR SUSPECT IT.
-Vote in legislators who are educated about relationship violence
-Donate money to national or local advocacy units, they are always fighting for funds.
-Make a video about it
-Start a campaign in your community, at your school, or workplace taking a stand against domestic violence

Category:

Education

Tags:

• domestic
• violence
• relationship
• intimate
• partner
• dating
• marriage
• children
• movement
• abuse
• economic
• financial
• verbal
• sexual
• sexuality
• sex
• sex+
• rape
• incest
• molestation
• harassment
• threat
• stalking
• physical
• hitting
• punching
• restraining
• order
• legal
• services
• shelter
• women
• men
• resources
• safety
• antiviolence
• pain
• boyfriend
• girlfriend

[MegaOrangePenguin]

That mommy gave me chills.

[ajeter2629]

That phone call gave me goosebumps and tears. It's one thing for a woman to be subject to abuse, but I HATE when a child has to witness/be apart of it.

[DaiReborn]

If you really wanted to avoid triggering, you should have had a warning BEFORE the crazy part, not a moment or two after it started.

[AutoTerminator]

@Miektastic yeah. thats pretty badass.

[Miektastic]

@AutoTerminator Them speaking does not mean that they're not sending the police. They can do both at the same time, and that is usually what happens. They will send the police, and at the same time try to keep the person on the phone so they can monitor what is going on.

[AutoTerminator]

Shut the fuck up operator and send the fucking police!!!

[loveandmathematics99]

that 911 call made me friggin cry

[Rawc90]

Laci i just wanted to ask what you think of this, hope you reply! If not someone else would be appreciated. I know a guy whos very big a tough but i know he has hit women in the past. If he hears someone else beats a women he will go mental about it and go after the guy but its ok for him to do it if its in his opinion "really serious" such as a guy touching up his gf and she didn't react badly enough to it? Its always wrong to hit a women right?

[Rawc90]

My dad used to be abusive towards my mum until he suddenly realized i was a lot bigger than him. He looked pretty terrified when i stepped between them and put an end to it.

[aidz69able]

i once was the child in a relationship like this



[TheMrgoku1985]

Do not slap the face, slap that ass instead she will love that.

(feel free to bitch)

[TheGreekMan1981]

I know you are an atheist...and I am a Christian but this is one thing we can both agree on. This is sincerely HORRIBLE, and I personally know someone who is going through this right now. I feel so horrible for her, but for some reason she won't leave the guy. I wish women would stand up and walk out when at all possible.  Some just keep blaming themselves and it just hurts me. Ladies, you don't have to take this! God loves you, we love you, and we want you happy! Don't put up with this.

[lumpy1candy1]

@ajeter2629 im only 12 and ive seen abuse and been abused

[marietieu]

why can't the operator get help first and then ask questions after, every second counts...

[amrc123]

This hit uncomfortably close to home. I've recently got out of an abusive relationship, and honestly part of me wishes I saw this video about 6 months ago so I suffered less. Mine was mostly psychological abuse, but it got worse towards the end and he hurt me a couple of times. Tbh this is when I received my wake up call and left; I'm so glad I did, with the help of my friends. Hearing that phone call made me want to cry out of shock of what would've been my future if I hadn't sought for help.

[CrazyBaconLover]

Hardcore chills at the end of that phone call. I got so scared!

[NoMorThanMost]

@MLJ1219

I have a copy of Strass’s study but didn’t know about the other two. Thanks.

Keep speaking out when you see misguided BS bother. The more awareness about ALL victims, the more these sexist assholes will be exposed. Male victims are starting to speak out. We are not just a few and as female abusers continue to be overlooked we are only growing. Our voice is getting louder. It’s hard for sexists to fight truth and I am not staying quite anymore.

[MLJ1219]

@NoMorThanMost Thank you for having the guts & the knowledge to state the facts. BTW, Statistical Abstract of US 1987; 57-61% of reported child abuse perpetrated by moms. 1988, Daly & Wilson/Canada reported 54% of child murders by moms. Another study by Strass, Gellar & Steinmetz, 1980 found violence seemed 2 b about even bewteen husbs & wives except for pushing & shoving. Steinmetz went on to say that the most unreported crime was not wife beating--it's husband beating.

[NoMorThanMost]

@lazyperfectionist1 3-2In addition most DV sites do not get funding for male victims even when they are knocking at their door; so that is not their “target market”. Check the sources for how they actually got the “1 in 4”. It’s a real eye opener to how bad research can become common belief.

[NoMorThanMost]

@lazyperfectionist1

3-1An example would be the “1 in 4 women” statement. You usually find that from either a college student paper of from a “DV awareness” website. They are really the only ones still reporting that. But remember that college level students are not as scrupulous with their research as professional doctors in the field.

[NoMorThanMost]

@lazyperfectionist1

2-2When it comes to children, boys are usually the victims more often than girls. Same thing goes with child neglect. However the numbers usually run close enough that there is little to no difference on that one. And in all honesty even if girls or women were victims more often it wouldn’t matter. DV is not a gender issue and ANY victim needs just as much help and support as the next victim

[NoMorThanMost]

@lazyperfectionist1

2-1Women ARE usually the perpetrators of DV. They are also the most likely to get hurt. Men are more likely to be arrested and they are also more likely to serve a longer sentence. Male victims are more likely to have a recurring experience. They are less likely to report DV.

[NoMorThanMost]

@lazyperfectionist1

1-2And unlike DV websites, none of them are looking for money.I fingered you might think these studies where just men attacking women’s reputation; so I’ll point out now that in most of these studies it is groups of male AND female doctors reporting this.