I'm not a complete idiot, some of the parts are...

Saying by Steven Wright,

he's the guy who once said:

"I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and
replaced by exact duplicates."


Here are some more of his gems:

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

All those who believe in phychokinesis, raise my hand.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

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