That Bastard's Vocal Garbage

SO HERE I AM BEING THAT BASTARD WHEN SUDDENLY A FUCKING MOOSE ATTACKED.

BEING A TRUE MAN AMONGST MEN AND ABLE TO WRESTLE BEARS, I GRAPPLED THE CHARGING MOOSE INTO SUBMISSION AND LOVINGLY RAPED IT.

WE NOW LIVE IN BELLINGHAM, WASHINGTON, SURROUNDED BY SPARKLY VAMPIRES, TERRORISTS, AND SECRET SOCIETIES.

WHEN WILL I EVER REACH THE EXCITING PART OF MY LIFE?

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