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After reluctantly leaving school. I was head hunted by a talent scout for N.A.S.A. Amazingly I became England 's first astronaut at the age of 23. During a short spell in geostationary orbit my height increased to 12 foot 6 inches (in old money), I was offered a job at the safari park feeding a giraffe with a neck disorder, he was in a bad way , he could only eat French bread, cucumbers and cheesy straws. In 1997 I had a small
part in a porn film, In the summer of 46 I discovered waterproof broccoli, and accidentally invented the duck

NOW,I am now working busily in Antarctica, teaching penguins Morse code, its not easy work by any means. they keep skidding off on their bellies, stupid birds no wonder they cant fly


I love the sound of an acoustic guitar . I play guitar and ukulele (badly),love sharks,dolphins, monkeys, snakes ,stars, noise, silence, laughter, accents, hammocks, beer, trees, bees, not wasps, birds,penguins ,magpies cos they look like flying penguins, spiders,



HOBBIES,In my spare time I like to dance around naked to the theme of la bamba. I like to bake, feed the ducks, press wild flowers, read Hungarian poetry and I am still playing the French horn. I also love to travel, recently I have been to Iceland and Texas, I got some frozen pizza's and some paint

My favourite place to go on holiday is the French island of Dejavu I've been there once or twice ..... "I think?




favourite colour, monkey nut blue, favourite tv theme tune , Pot Black BUT IM NOT TELLING WHY wooohooooo .

if I was captain of the team, your the one eyed gopher

now I am 45 Ive gone a little retro , Ive just got the whole series of the flumps and hectors house on dvd , and now I have realised how good the tweenies realy are.

what were social services thinking, to let mary live on the ninth floor of a block of flats on her own with a dog and a mouse.

I wonder how much space they will let me use up ?

always wear shoes with laces.

do the right thing....it aint difficult.


I will be moving soon to the Isle of StClaire , where they invented the generation game. its one of the Outer Sheckneys , 200 miles off the coast of Loch Madoor. - - - - - - - I was once a model for a toby jug company

I have just developed the worlds first microwave dvd player . you can watch a whole film in three minutes (ding!!!)