 J-E-L-L-O! The Jello Program starring Jack Finney with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens the program with Rainbow Round the Moon. Music This is the time of the year when it's fun to get the fireplace going, set up a card table and have Sunday night supper by the fire. And here's a simple attractive menu. Toasted sandwiches with hot coffee and a delicious Jello salad. You can make your salad ahead of time and serve it when you're ready. And there are dozens to choose from. Shimmering lemon Jello generously filled with diced chicken. Refreshing orange Jello combined with crisp carrots and celery. Attempting green mold of lime Jello with sliced canned pineapple inside. Whatever Jello salad you choose will be a hit for the family for Jello combined perfectly with fruits or vegetables, chicken or seafood. And gives you grand looking, grand tasting salads. Just be sure to get genuine Jello when you buy for Jello brings you that wonderful extra rich fruit flavor that can't be topped for salads or desserts. So look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jello. Harrison is orchestra. Now ladies and gentlemen, tonight we take you to Jack Benny's new home in Beverly Hills where he's throwing a Halloween party for his whole gang. Take it away, Beverly! Rochester, will you hurry up with those sandwiches? They'll all be here in a minute. And stop that crooning, will you? You're no Bing Crosby, you know. That's right, he's fairer than I am. Yes, slightly. And look, Rochester, look how thick you're cutting those sandwiches. I'm no millionaire either. Now slice that roast beef a little thinner. I'm using a razor now. Well sharpen it. Goodness, you think I was expecting a crowd of starving Armenians? Well, I don't think you've got enough to eat here, boss. Rochester, there's plenty of food for everybody. Nobody's going to go hungry at my party tonight. Just the same, I could make a lot of money bootlegging hot dogs. Oh, you could. Now, Rochester, you know perfectly well that I always have to give me that. This is the only house in the neighborhood where the mice are picket in the pantry. That's just a lie. On this morning, using my rowing machine. Gee, I'm glad you got here early. You can help me get things ready. Okay, but you better be careful, Jack. All the kids in the neighborhood are out tonight and they're raising the dickens. Well, naturally, Mary, after all, it's Halloween, you know. Yes, but you ought to see what they just did in front of your house. They tore your big sign down. What sign? You know, the one that says, uh, Jack Finney's residence, admission, 25 cents. Oh, darn those kids in this neighborhood. I'm going right out there and give them a good spanking. Do you see who they were? Yes, it was Ronnie Coleman, Wally Berry, Bobby Taylor, and the Barrymore brothers. Oh, the Beverly Hills mob, eh? What a bunch of rowdies. Remember last year when they put ink in your swimming pool? Yeah, at all the time, I thought the water was too cold. You remember? Every time I took a swim, I turned blue. Oh, yeah. Well, those kids better not go in the backyard this year. I set a bear trap for them. A bear trap? Yeah, that'll fix them. Say, Mary, open that jar of stuffed olives. We'll then put one on each plate so it'll look nice. Just one on each plate? Yeah. What are they stuffed with? Platinum? Oh, Rochester. What do you want, boy? I thought you were going to bring your brother over to help out tonight. Where is he? He's in September. September. September? See, that's an unusual name. How did he get that? Well, you see, boss, I was born in Rochester and he was born in September. Oh, I get it. Of course. Of course, that's only his middle name. Oh, his middle name? Yeah, he was born in September. Oh, his middle name? Yeah, he was born in the middle of September. All right. Never mind that. Get him out here. I want to talk to him. Oh, September, come in. You called me, brother? Yeah, the boss won't talk to you. Now, September, I suppose you've had experience working at private parties, haven't you? Well, I always had experience, all right. That boy has actually been around. Rochester, I'm talking to Septine. Now, listen, this is a rather delicate question, but I suppose you're honest. I mean, you can be trusted. Well, I don't like to commit myself. What? Oh, he can be trusted all right. He used to work in a bank. Oh, in a bank, eh? Well, that's good enough for me. I'll give him $3 for helping me out tonight. Only $3? Well, I bet that's more than he got at the bank. Why, man, there was more than that stuck to his broom every day. Well, that's all I'm going to pay. Now, get busy, both of you. How are you coming along, Mary? Fine, Jack. And stop eating those olives. You'll spoil your dinner. That's what I'm trying to do. Oh, well, then think of me. Some of my gang don't get an olive on their plate tonight. They'll go around saying I'm cheap. And another thing, Mary, don't put so much lettuce in that salad. What is this, a rabbit's convention? Oh, for heaven's sake, Jack, an extra head of lettuce isn't going to break you. That's not the point. I don't like to see things dainty. Is there any dainty here? We'll have to use tweezers. Now, you just wait. If you want to know something, Mary, we're going to have a squab for dinner. One squab for the whole gang? Yeah. What are you going to do? Wave it at us? Well, there'll be other things, won't there? Vegetables and fruit and dressing and... What are you going to have for dessert? Popsicles. And they're delicious, too. Answer the door, Rochester. You answered September. Are you closer than I am? No, I think you're closer. No, no, you is. Well, we've got to open that door. Is there a purveyor in the house? Now, one of you answer it. Never mind. I'm in now. Oh, hello, Kenny. Hello, Jack. How are they doing? Say, you're the regular Halloween kid, aren't I? I suppose you've been out raising the dickets tonight, huh? Have I? And you know when I left my house tonight, I stuck a pin in our front doorbell so it keep on ringing all the time. Oh, boy, you should have heard it. A pin in your own doorbell? I bet your mother and father were mad, huh? No, they're away for the weekend. Kenny, that's the silliest thing I've ever heard of. You're the only guy in the world that would ring a doorbell to annoy someone in an empty house. Well, that's nothing. When I go home tonight and open the door, a pale water's going to fall on me. It is? Yeah. Oh, boy, I can hardly wait. I can imagine the surprise. Kenny, put down that olive. You'll spoil your dinner. Oh, one little olive isn't going to hurt him. Don't be so stingy. It's not that, but everybody will want one. Besides, they look nice on the table. Say, Jack, I'd like to clean up a little bit before dinner. Can I go upstairs and wash my hands? Yeah, but it'll cost you a nickel to get in the bathroom. Now, Mary, you know better than that. So don't pass any of those smart remarks. Say, Kenny, when the gang comes here later, we want to have a regular party. You know, a lot of entertainment and fun. Will you sing a song for us? Sure, well, and say, Jack, I got a pip, too. You want to hear it? Well, wait till the gang gets here. No, I want to do it now. I want to see if you like it. Oh, all right, go ahead. Say, Mary, peel those hard-boiled eggs, will you? They're old enough to peel themselves. Do as I say. Go ahead and sing, Kenny. Hey, boss, boss. What is it, Rochester? You know that band-trap you sit out in the backyard for those kids? Yeah. Well, we just caught a bear in it. A bear? Well, if there's an Italian on the other end of that chain, I work with him in Bordeaux. Let's go out and see. Sing, Kenny. And dance with me. And while you're... Kenny, that song was simply wonderful. It was swell. Oh, did you really like it, Jack? I sure did. But say, I wonder where all that applause came from? There's a seal in the goldfish bowl. Oh! The trained bear in the backyard and a seal in the goldfish bowl. This place looks like the NBA club. Hey, Rochester. Yes, sir? Where's that bowl of punch I made? I want it out here on the table so the guests can have a drink before dinner. I'm afraid that punch is kind of weak, boss. Weak? Yes, sir. If you ask me, it could stand a gin transfusion. Now, Rochester, nobody asked for your opinion. And incidentally, I thought I heard some dice rattling in the kitchen before. You can cut that out, too. Dice? I wasn't fooling with no dice. Well, I thought I heard it. I'll get back to work. Yes, sir. By the way, how's your brother doing in the kitchen? Fine. He just won the gas stove from the cook. Oh, he did, eh? Hey, September. September. Is someone paging me? Yes, I am. I don't want any crapshooting going on in this house. You're here to work, and that's all. Remember that. There's the door, Rochester. There's the door, September. You've got new shoes. Break them in. I'll get one of you guys to answer that door if I have to tie a pork chop on it. Rochester, answer the door. Doors, doors, doors. I'd like a job that wouldn't have tipped some time. You will if you're not careful. Hey, Jack, I'm getting hungry. What are we going to eat? Kenny, you'll eat when everybody gets here and put down that goldfish. Well, I'm only petting it. Tell them what you did with the other one. Kenny, if you eat another goldfish, you'll get yours. Oh, Mr. Harris. Hi, Rochester. Hi, I'm Phil. Well, Phil, I thought you'd never get here. Come on in, Barbara. Barbara? Oh, Jack, I hope you don't mind. I brought a girlfriend of mine along. Hey, I should say I don't. Hey, she's beautiful. Wow! Kenny. Come right in, Miss... Miss... This is Miss Whitney. Oh, how do you do, Miss Whitney? Welcome to our happy little gathering. Thank you, Mr. Benny. I'm so glad Phil invited me. I do hope it's not an imposition. Oh, no, no. The more the merrier. It's always open house at the Chateau Benning. Oh, by the way, Miss Whitney, this is Kenny Baker. Hello, Kenny. Boy, I could go for you. Hey. Don't mind Kenny. He's such an impulsive kid. And now, Miss Whitney, I'd like you to meet Mary Livingston. Hello, Mary. It's so nice meeting you, my dear. Oh, rally. Well, it's just too, too ultra, ain't it? Mary. Well, those sweet dames burn me off. You little minks. Say, and Phil, old man, I'm so glad you were able to make it tonight. You know, we're going to have a squab for dinner. I knew it wouldn't be too. Well, I didn't know you were going to bring a guest. At that, we may have a little trouble carving it so that everybody gets a piece. Why don't you send it to the mail, brothers? Oh, don't be so cute. You want to hear, you know, the way you hear this gang talk. I'm so nervous. He's so beautiful, you know. No, really. You know, to hear this gang talk, Miss Whitney, you'd think I was a regular old miser, wouldn't you? Yes, I would. Well, fellas, as soon as the rest of the gang get here, we'll put on the old feedback. Mr. Benny. What is it, Rochester? A man just brought in a case of champagne. Did you order it? A case of champagne? Certainly not. I told him you wouldn't buy champagne if Sally Ram was behind ever above him. Well, anyway, I don't want it. Send it back. Yes, sir. He didn't get so many laughs. I'd fire him. Kevin, what's that? Oh, hello, Don. What's the big rush? Oh, boy, I got here just in time. Hi, fellas. Hi, Don. Hi. Don, you're all out of breath. What happened? Well, I've been out celebrating Halloween, and you know that big white house up on the hill? Yeah? Well, I had a bar of soap with me, so I sneaked up to the window and I rode on it. Jello has six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. Why, Don, you little scallywag, did you get caught? Yeah, a man came out and kicked me right between lemon and lime. Well, brush yourself off, Don, and join the party. By the way, I want you to meet a friend of Phil's. This is Miss Whitney, Don Wilson. How do you do, Mr. Wilson? Well, I'm very glad to know you, Miss Whitney. Are you familiar with Jello? Don, please, you've just met the young lady. That's all right. I have a weakness for Jello myself. Oh, is that your only weakness, Miss Whitney? If I'm not too subtle... You're about as subtle as a circus poster. Mary, I'm talking to Miss Whitney. But you know, Miss Whitney, I've had a feeling all evening that I've seen you somewhere before. Are you by any chance in the movies? No, I'm not. Well, I am. In fact, I'm a star at Paramount. And then, of course, there's my radio work, too. Tell her how much money you make and get it over with. Mary! You know, Miss Whitney, there are times when this livings then just drives me frantic. But I suppose, well, most women are like that. Don't you think so, Miss Whitney? I mean... Yes, but why don't you stand still? Oh, that's just a habit of mine. Pretty girls always make me nervous. If I was her, I'd yawn right in your face. Mary, please. We have company. I'll say you have. What are we going to eat? Yeah, gee, I'm starving. Pretty soon, boys, pretty soon. Hey, Rochester, how about dinner? We'll be ready in a few minutes. Okay, come on, folks. No use waiting any longer. Let's start in with these hors d'oeuvres first. Oh, come on, come on, come on, come on. Hey, stand back! One at a time for heaven's sake. What's the matter with you guys? I want two of those sardines. Kenny, you'll just take the one with your name in front of it. Now, don't be a pig. Gosh, this is worse than Russia. Now, Miss Whitney, don't be bashful. Take anything you want. Just help yourself. I tried to, but you hit my hand with a fork. Oh! Was that you? I got all mixed up in this crowd. Oh, sorry. Hey, Phil, hand me that deviled egg. Oh, no, I saw it first. Oh, I want a piece too. No, I'll get away with it. Everybody, let go of that egg. Now, let go. This is the first meal I ever saw with a referee. Well, you need one here. Now, everybody sit down at the table and stop acting like a pack of cannibals. And, Miss Whitney, you sit right here at my left. Thank you. And, Phil, you sit way down at the other end of the table. I could sit in Pomona, and I wouldn't have to worry about you. Mr. Rochester, we're ready. There's the door, Rochester. There's the door, September. I wonder who that can be. Honey, I was thinking of the same thing. Well, stop guessing and see who it is. You have no idea, Miss Whitney, what I go through with these two boys. The servant problem is simply awful. I know. I'm a chambermaid myself. News more, I thought I recognized you. I've seen you around there a lot of times. Don't be a sap, Jack. She doesn't work there. She's only kidding you, as if I didn't know. Say, she's not the type at all. That's the same. I bet you can whip up a room in a hurry. Don't be catty. Hey, look who's here. Hi, you fellas! Happy Halloween! You finally got here, Andy. What happened to your Mo and Paul? I thought you were bringing them along. Well, you know, it's Halloween buck, and they're going out to a costume party. A costume party? Yeah, Ma's going as Marie Antoinette and Paul's taking an axe. Well, that ought to be a lot of fun. It's too bad you had to miss it, Andy. Sure was, buck. I was all set to go as a geranium. That's a geranium? Yeah, but I look lousy in a flower pot. Well, you'll have a lot more fun right here. Say, Andy, I want you to meet a guest of mine, Miss Whitney. Hello, Andy. Hiya, Babs. What are you doing here? Why, Andy, do you two know each other? Oh, sure. We used to go to high school together. Hey, Babs, will you ever forget the time I kissed you? I certainly will. Andy, you might as well sit down. We're about ready to eat. Hey, Mr. Benny, I'm sorry, but there's going to be a slight delay. What's the matter now, Rochester? Well, September had a little argument with the cook and threw the squad at him. He did? Yeah, and hit him right in the mouth, which was open at the time. Oh, my goodness. Did I serve the dressing? The cook ate the squab. That's all we had. What are we going to eat now? Well, there's that bear outside. Do you like venison? Never mind. At our Rochester, run right down to the store and get some frankfurters and hurry. Yes, sir. Gee, I'm awfully sorry, fellas. Oh, that's all right. Jean, Miss Whitney, I hope the next time you come here, everything won't go wrong. Oh, that's all right. I think this is quite jolly. Really, it's fun. That's a lie if I ever heard one. It is not. Now, look, fellas, while we're waiting, how about having a little entertainment? Who plays a piano? I do. All right, how about a song, Phil? Come on, Phil, sing something, huh? All right, but I don't do so well on an empty stomach. Oh, don't worry. We'll eat later. Come on, Phil, what'll it be? Well, how about, uh, whatever you've got that gets me? Oh, that's right. Okay, hit it, Kenny. Let's have some fun tonight. Hey, let's have some fun tonight. You haven't got that certain glance. You don't romance. And when we dance, you only dance. But what have you got that gets me? You haven't got that tiny nose or fancy clothes or lips like petals on a rose. But what have you got that gets me? You tease me, you taunt me, you let me sigh. I want you to want me, but why? You haven't got a coat of tan, a rich old man. You just play cards on your divan, but why have you got that gets me? Well, Phil, say, Andy, how about you sing in a chorus? Oh, not me, Buck. I'm a little hoarse tonight. Oh, well, I'm glad you told us. All right, all right, all right. I'll do it if Mary sings with me. Sure, how about it, Mary? I'm so weak now, I'll do anything. That'll go, Mary. Get right in here. I hit it, Kenny. You haven't got that certain glance. You don't romance. And when we dance, you only dance. But what have you got that gets me? Here's what I got, a cow will go to gravel throat. My voice sounds like an old coyote. That's what I got that gets you. You're happy, you're slapy, but I love you. I'm Don one and Romeo two. Haven't got a grand physique. You chin is weak. But I got what they call technique. That's what I got that gets you. Don, how about you and I sing in a chorus? OK, Jack. Come on, hit it, fellas. I can follow Andy. You haven't got a form divide. You're not streamlined. Your hips would make 14 of mine. But what have you got that gets me? Here's what I got. It's strawberry and raspberry, orange, lemon, lime, cherry. That's what you've got that pays me. Yeah, man. You're sweet, Jack. You're neat, Jack. But oh, so tight. It looks like we'll all starve tonight. Right. I haven't got a squab. That's true for you or you. For a guy like you, that's nothing new. So what have you got that gets me? You guys didn't have to insult me in that song. Insult you. You invited us here for dinner tonight and we don't get anything deep. Well, it's not my fault. Accidents can happen, you know. Anyway, Rochester will be right back here with the Frankfurters. Excuse me a minute. Hello? Say, Mr. Benny, I'm over here at the Delton Test and Store. You forgot to give me money for the Frankfurters. Well, you pay for them, Rochester, and I'll give it back to you later. Well, I don't know about that, boss. Now, Rochester, pay for that out of your own pocket. I ain't got no pants on. That's a lie. You had pants on when you left the house. They could have worn out, you know. That's ridiculous. If you're not back here in five minutes with those Frankfurters, I'll move you out of the guest room. Now, hurry up. Well, looks like we might have to... Hey, fellas. Hey, where are you? Hey, fellas. We're out here in the kitchen. You ought to see what we found in the icebox. Oh, boy, it's turkey. Come on, let's cook it. Cook it, nothing. Give me a drumstick. Now, wait a minute, fellas. Wait a minute. I'm saving that for Thanksgiving. Well, it's time to a chair, fellas. We got it. Yeah. There's a brand-new dessert the whole family will enjoy, and it's so easy, so inexpensive, so good to look at, that you'll enjoy making it. It's the new Jell-O-Butter Scotch pudding, a real triumph in desserts. Just picture it for yourself. Crystal sherbet glasses, each piled high with this rich-looking, taffy-colored Butterscotch pudding. It's luscious with good old-fashioned Butterscotch flavor. It's mellow and smooth and creamy. It's swell dessert, and Butterscotch is just one of three new Jell-O-Buttings. There's Jell-O-Vanilla pudding, a lovely, creamy color with a delicate flavor of real vanilla, a grand-law family dessert, and there's Jell-O-Chocolate pudding, as delicious as the kind that mother used to make, but far quicker and easier. For these tempting new Jell-O-Buttings, require only a few moments cooking. There's no fuss or bother, and the simple directions are on every package, and you can't go wrong. So try them all and try them soon. The best way to get acquainted is to buy three packages at a time. Ask your grocer tomorrow for Jell-O-Butterscotch, vanilla, and a chocolate pudding. This is the last number of the fifth program in the new Jell-O series, and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Gee, that Miss Whitney was beautiful. And so charming, too. Do you marry? Mary, do you think she liked me? Oh, sure. How could she resist you, you big, strong dope? Good night, folks. Kenny Baker pairs on the Jell-O program for courtesy of Mervyn Leroy Production. This is the national broadcasting company.