 The Great Nuts Flakes program coming to you from Toronto, Ontario, and starring Jack Benny, with Mary Livingston, Dennis Day, Rochester, yours truly, Don Wilson, and our guest conductor Alan McIver, and his all Canadian orchestra. Ladies, how often does your husband make with this theme song? A want, what a want, what a want it? Yes, sir, that's a man for you, especially when it's time for breakfast. He wants breakfast there when he wants it. And does he know what he wants for breakfast? I'll just try him and see. Just hand him a bowlful of delicious, crisp, tempting, moldy, rich, Great Nuts Flakes. Then watch what happens. One taste of that grand Great Nuts flavor and that I want frown becomes a happy grin, and that grin will stay on because nourishing Great Nuts Flakes stick to the ribs. They help keep you going until lunchtime, for they're a whole grain cereal chucking food values. So try Old Doc Wilson's recipe for a happy home and serve Great Nuts Flakes at breakfast, America's fastest growing breakfast cereal. Gentlemen, for the first time in our broadcasting history, our program this evening originates outside the borders of the United States. Yes, sir, we're in Toronto, Canada. Canada, stretching 3,000 miles from Nova Scotia in the east to Vancouver Island in the distant Pacific. It's big, all right. Canada, famous for its farming, its lumbering, its mining, and its fur trapping. Yup, everything from grizzly bear to skunk. Which brings us to our master of ceremonies. And I had a help mount on that. Oh, hello again. This is Jack Benny, the grizzly bear talking. I've got too much hair tonic on me to be that other animal, you know. And Don does a sure thrill broadcasting from the Dominion of Canada. Look at those uniforms out in the audience. Men from the Royal Canadian Navy, the Canadian active army, the Royal Canadian Air Force. And don't forget the Royal Norwegian Air Force. Yes, sir, they've all turned out. And I love the people up here in Toronto, Don. They're so friendly and they go out of their way to make you comfortable. What do you mean? Well, for instance, when I arrived in town, it was snowing. So they dug an underground tunnel from the Union Station to the Royal York Hotel just for me. Now, that's that's real consideration. Well, now, wait a minute, Jack. That tunnel connecting the Union Station and the Royal York Hotel has been there for years. It has? Gee, of course, everybody knows that. Oh, my goodness. And then I'd better rush over there right away. What's the matter, Jack? Oh, I've got to take down that sign I put up. What sign? Jack Denny Tunnel Admission Ten Cent. Gee, people, people here don't think I'm awful, you know? I wouldn't worry about it. By the way, Jack, are you stopping at the Royal York? Yes, Dennis and I and Dennis is a ranger and my writers and their writers and a man named a man named McTavish from Winnipeg, who's in the grain business. We're sharing a lovely room. It has it has twin beds, of course. Oh, I see. Does your room overlook Lake Ontario? I don't know, McTavish always hangs this killed across the window. A nice, nice chap, though, you know? Come in. Yes. Mr. Benny, on behalf of the English speaking population of Canada, I'd like to welcome you to Toronto and present you with this genuine Canadian quarter. A Canadian quarter? Well, thank you. What's that for? We want you to spend something while you're up here. Just for that, just for that, I'm going to spend that quarter. McTavish and I are going out to dinner. What's left over will split a cigar. Yes, sir. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Well, Mary, are you having fun on our little visit to Canada? I'll say. And what a beautiful city Toronto is. You know, Jack, yesterday I got on a street car and went over to visit my cousin. Oh, do you have a cousin living here in Canada? Yeah, Vancouver. Now, wait a minute, Mary. You can't take a street car from Toronto to Vancouver. That's his name, Vancouver Livingston. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Well, Mary, we certainly covered a lot of ground in one week, haven't we? Toronto, Ottawa, Montreal. You said it. And say, Jack, in Montreal, I stayed at the Windsor Hotel and I slept in the same room that Mrs. Roosevelt had a few days before. The same room Mrs. Roosevelt had. How do you know? Well, in the middle of the night, the phone rang. I said, hello. Yes. And a boy said, I'm back from North Africa. Where are you? Oh, then it must must have been Mrs. Roosevelt's room. All right. Speaking of Montreal, Mary, isn't that a romantic old city? What food they have? To Wilson, a bowl of onion soup is romance. Mary, but you're. But you're right, Don. The food in Montreal is terrific, especially in those little French restaurants. You ought to stay out of those little French restaurants until you learn to speak the language. What are you talking about? I parlay Francois Traybonni. And incidentally, Mary, you should have had some of those escargot I ordered. Yum, yum. Well, I don't like snails. Snails? Yikes! Holy smoke. I ate three orders of snails. No wonder you've been walking so slow the last few days. No quiet. I can't understand making such a silly mistake while I'm walking in high school French with my best subject. In fact, we... Come in. Monsieur Benet. Oui. Au nom de la population canadienne-français du Canada, je désire vous souhaiter une cordière bienvenue à notre beau pays. Oui, oui. Oui. What's he saying, Jack? Well, nothing about snails has come up. That I know. Proceedez-vous, Mansour. Proceedez-vous. Nous pensons que vos remarks sont vraiment drôles. Oui, oui. Continuez, continuez. Et nous apprécions à juste se traitre votre habilité artistique et espérons bien que votre séjour au Canada sera des plus agréables. Bonsoir. Well, now that was really sweet, really. I mean, sorry. Sorry he got away. Sorry he got away so fast. I would love to have parlayed with him longer, you know. Well, tell us, Jack, what did he say? What did he say? He said that, I mean, he implied. That is, he more or less suggested. Look, he's gone. We had a nice chat. Let's forget it. My goodness. Well, Dennis, say hello, Dennis. Hello. Well, Dennis, I haven't seen you since we left Ottawa. Do you have a good time there? Yeah, it was wonderful and I was sure thrilled when we met the king. The king? The king? Yeah, King Mackenzie. That's Mackenzie King. And that's Mackenzie... That's Mackenzie King. He's the prime minister. Oh. And I enjoyed meeting him, too. And these Canadian people sure are generous. They really overdo it. What do you mean overdo it? Well, I gave the girl at the cashier's desk a $10 bill and she gave me $11 change. She must be nuts about me. Listen, Dennis, she gave you the right change. You see, $10 American for 11 Canadian is international monetary stabilization and is determined through equitable negotiations on the part of the Canadian and American fiscal policy authorities. You better lay off those snails, brother. Oh, for Pete's sake. Now, Dennis, Dennis, in the first place... Oh, Jack, stop wasting your breath. Dennis will never get that stuff through his head. Mary's right. Dennis is too confused to understand such a complicated subject. Now, wait a minute. Let's be fair about this. Dennis may be a little confused, but he's not dumb. He's not stupid. Talk is cheap. Let's see you prove it. Well, there's no use waiting. I'll have to keep that kid in a trunk. Never mind, Dennis. Let's have your song and do a good job. Hold it a minute. Come in. Would you sing, Mr. Benny? Jack, he's not French. He's an Norwegian flyer. Oh, an Norwegian flyer? Oh, oh, go ahead, sir. Well, now, would you mind telling me what you said in English? Mr. Benny, the Norwegians think you are very funny. And we like you much better than smocked bitefish. To come home, you'll be sung the star by the whistle. It's nice to come home to full song by Dennis Day. And Dennis, that was swell. Thank you. And Mr. Benny, since today is your birthday, I'd like to dedicate that number to you. Well... That's right, Jack. Happy birthday! Many happy returns the day, old boy. Oh, thank you, thank you. Thanks, thanks, everybody. Gosh, another birthday. No kidding, Mr. Benny. Were you really born on February 14th? Yep, I was a Valentine baby. Cupid brought me instead of the stork. The stork? A stork? Yes. There's something fishy there, but I'm only guessing. Dennis, I mean Cupid brought me because I was born on Valentine's Day. But the stork brings everybody else. Oh, you're a little wrong there, Jack. A crane brought me. What's the difference? Storks or cranes, they're both birds. I mean a crane like in a shipyard. Oh, oh, you mean a hoi. Well, Don, you're an exception. You see, you were a very heavy baby. I understand your nurse had a jack you up to put your diapers on. Well, anyhow, getting back to me, here it is, another birthday. Mr. Benny. Yes, Dennis. Well, I'll probably get flugged for this. But how old are you exactly? Well, Dennis, let me put it this way. I'm as frisky as a boy of ten. I feel like sweet sixteen. And I don't look a day older than twenty-five. Now just add those up and you got us. I'm not fifty-one. I'm in my late thirties or my early forties. You were in your early forties in the gay nineties. Never mind. And now, ladies and gentlemen. I wish I had a nickel for every time Lily and Russell slapped your face. I said, never mind. But maybe so bold. No, ladies and gentlemen. I'd like to have you meet our guest conductor this week, Mr. Alan McIver from Montreal. Thank you, everybody. So your name is Alan McIver, eh? Alan. Do you mind if I call you Al? Oh, no, not at all. Thank you. You see, I happen to know a fella named Alan and just the... just the mention of his name makes my hair stand on end. Open your shirt and show him. I mean the hair on my head. Well, sir, let's have your band number. What's it gonna be? I've prepared a special arrangement of Canadian capers. Good. Oh, by the way, Mr. Benny, I don't know if this is the right time to bring it up, but I enjoy your work and pictures very, very much. You do? Well, well... Yes, I saw you and George Washington slept here and you were wonderful. Thank you. Especially Anne Sherdon. Everybody says that. Incidentally, Mr. McIver, I'm in a new picture now called the meanest man in the world. I suppose you'll see that. Who else is in it? Well, I have a swell role. You see, I play the part of a young lawyer who is a failure because he's so nice and sweet and kind. Who else is in it? And it isn't until I change my character and become the meanest man in the world that I achieve the prominence that I so justly deserve. Who else is in it? Priscilla Lane and Rochester. What do you think is in it? Let's have your number. What a fan. Have a seat. All right, folks, Canadian capers. Just a minute, Jack, speaking of Canada, I've written a very clever message which involves various cities and towns in this dominion. Oh, who else is in it? I mean, you have? What's the matter with me? Yes, it goes something like this. When you come back from the lake, Louise, and when you arrive in Port, Arthur... Well, there's two places already. I want you both Toronto, your neighborhood grocer, and ask him for a box of toasty brown sweeties and that grape nut flakes. Toronto, that's not bad. When you arrive home and find that you've forgotten your grape nut flakes, Quebec to the store immediately. Quebec? Quebec to the store? Yes, because grape nut flakes in the big 12-ounce economy-sized package is America's fastest growing flake cereal. Believe me, folks, you ought to try some tomorrow. Don? Don, that was wonderful. I'm sure you've given the people hell of facts about our product. I bet Ruby Stevens hated that one. And now, and now, Mr. McIver, I think you can play... Who's that? Come in. Well, it's the Canadian girl, the French Canadian soldier, and the Norwegian flyer. What's this for? Happy birthday, Mr. Benny, and may you have many more of them. Thank you, thank you. With what I'm going to say, Mr. Benny, I hope you have a lot more. Merci, merci beaucoup. What did you tell him? Mangatoc! Mangatoc! Play, McIver! Gee, a birthday and three languages! Now, that was Canadian capers played by Alan... I mean, Al McIver, and his orchestra. And Al, that was very, very good and quite apropos. And now, ladies and gentlemen, since we are in the Dominion of Canada, for our special attraction this evening... Mary Livingston will read a poem. Mary Livingston will... nothing doing, Mary. The poem is out. I'll read my poem, or I'll tell everybody that you think the tunnel from the Union Station hotel was dug especially for you. They know that already. Then I'll tell them that you're charging a dime to walk through it. They know that too. Do they know you're letting people go through piggyback for 15 cents? How'd you go through all of that without fluffing a line? I don't know, Jack. The special rate. That was wonderful. You're very good. All right, let's have your poem. What's the... What's the title of it, Mary? Here's to Canada. It's Army, Navy, Air Force, Merchant Marine, and Fairy Command of the FIMTA. The FIMTA? What's that? It's a fellow I met this afternoon. Oh. Oh, well, well, go ahead. Here's to the land of the Maple Leaf. Our neighbor, good and true. Greetings from Don and Dennis and me, and Jack with eyes of blue. They have been compared to Lake Ontario through McTavish's Kilt. You know? Go ahead, Miss Seuss. I mean, Miss Seuss, go ahead, go ahead. Oh, Canada, you are so mighty. Your snow-capped mountains are so whitey. Whitey? Your air is cold, your wind is bitey. That's why I wear a flannel 90. Hey, me too. Oh, Canada, where seals do play, way up north in Hudson Bay. The Eskimos, they live in igloos, and keep their pigs in little pigloos. Mary, they don't have pigs up there. They eat blubber. The Eskimos, they live on blubber. It looks like steak, but tastes like rubber. The nights up there last half a year, so if you walk in your sleep, take a sandwich and beer. That's right. That's right. A little midnight snack around the middle of December would be good. Is that all Mary? No, one more word. Okay. So here's to the land of the Maple Leaf, our neighbor good and through. Our visit has been wonderful. So thanks. Merci beaucoup. Very, very good. Very good. Well, Mary, that was a swell poem and a beautiful thought, and I'm sure that goes for all of us. Now, fellas, before I forget it... Excuse me, come in. Mr. Benny? Yes? I'm an Eskimo, and I have a message for you. Well, a bald-headed Eskimo. He must have a small entrance to his igloo. What's the message, sir? On behalf of the Eskimos of Canada, glub, ug, rick-a-jack, bell-wa, zog-powy. What does that mean? How do I know I'm a bellboy at the hotel? How does Bill Maro get a job as a bellboy? That's right, the Eskimo didn't show up. Now, fellas, as I started to say, tomorrow night when we do our show, I want you all to be ready by 7 o'clock because immediately afterward, we have to take the train for Chicago. That is, you'll be in Chicago, and I'll stay in Waukegan. Meanwhile, now who can that be? Hello? What's wrong with you, sir? Come on, watch your step. My Rochester. Rochester? Why, Rochester, where did you learn to speak French? My Montreal Mama done told me. Well, what do you want, Rochester? What did you call me about? Well, I'm down here in the tunnel, boss. In the tunnel? Yeah, train just came in from Ottawa. Shall I lower the toll gate? Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Rochester, that isn't my tunnel anymore. People can walk through without pain. This is a fine time to tell me a Scotsman just knocked me cold with a bagpipe. What? That Loch Noman really packs a wallop. Well, it was all my fault. There's only one thing to do, and that's give the people back their money. Now, how many dimes did you collect? Only three, boss. Only three? Two from a newly married couple who didn't want to stop to argue. Yes? And one from a bald-headed Eskimo. Well, the Eskimo's here, and I'll take care of them. See you later, Rochester. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say, Rochester, I hope you sent my trunk to the right town. Last week, you sent it to Toledo instead of Toronto. Don't worry, boss. It's all packing on its way to Weehawken. Weehawken? Maybe it should be Skowhegan. It's Walkhegan. I told you to send the trunk to Walkhegan, Illinois. Now, look, get in touch with Weehawken and then get in touch with Skowhegan and have them send the trunk to Walkhegan. You better put an Indian on that, boss. Now, they come from Pras, those names. You'll do it yourself. Now, Rochester, that trunk isn't in Walkhegan. I mean Skowhegan. I mean Walkhegan. When I arrive, this will be your finish. Never has it been so important to suggest today for you to choose the right foods and feeding your family. Because America's health and America's victory depends on your thoughtful food buying. That's why our government nutrition authorities urge you to buy more whole-grain cereals and serve them oftener. Whole-grain cereals are plentiful and economical, and they provide nutritional values we all need, including protective minerals and vitamins. Iron, calcium, phosphorus, proteins, niacin, vitamin B1. You get all those food values in whole-grain cereals served with milk. So, you see, there's a valuable and 50-way to help balance other food shortages. Now, your choice may not be Grape Nuts Flakes, but if it is, it's a wise choice and a delicious one. Or in Grape Nuts Flakes, you get a whole-grain cereal with a distinctive, multi-rich flavor and a crisp, toasty-brown texture. But whether you choose Grape Nuts Flakes or not, do serve your family more whole-grain cereals. Remember, they're plentiful, they're nourishing, they're thrifty. That was the last number of the 20th program in the new Grape Nuts Flakes series. And we'll be with you again next Sunday night broadcasting for Servicemen in Chicago, Illinois. And I want to say that we have had a marvelous time here in Canada. I'd like to thank the Governor General, Prime Minister McKenzie King, and all the people of Canada for their splendid hospitality. And also, I would like to wish success to the Canadian food industry's Special War-Saving Stamp Drive, which is now taking place. Good night, folks. Jack-Princess Program is written by Bill Mara and Ed Balloy.