 Craft presents the Great Gilder Sleeves. Hee hee hee. Cheese Company will also bring you Bing Crosby every Thursday night. Present each week at this time. Harold Parry as the Great Gilder Sleeve, written by John Wheaton. Here from the Great Gilder Sleeve in just a moment. Christmas is still in most of our minds these days, but after all, food is something we have to think about the year round. So even though the Christmas festivities are still going on in many of your homes, let me say a word about parquet margarine, the delicious spread for bread made by craft. You really should know about parquet margarine, especially in times like these, because parquet margarine is so economical and so downright good tasting, too. Yes, parquet is the margarine with a very special flavor. It's so delicate and appetizing, so wholesome and good. Just try parquet spread on bread or rolls, and you'll quickly see what I mean. You see, parquet is the margarine that's made by craft, and you know that craft is famous for fine quality foods. And remember, parquet is wholesome and nutritious, an excellent energy food that contains vitamin A. So order parquet tomorrow. Just ask for parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y, parquet margarine made by craft. Now Christmas is over, New Year's is four days off, and in that lull that comes between the two, we find the Great Gilder Sleeve. As he lingers at the breakfast table, trying to get up enough steam to drag himself down to the office from Leroy comes the old refrain. What can I do, Uncle? What can I do? Leroy, how can you say that? It's only three days after Christmas. Well, I know, but I don't know what to do. That's ridiculous. You've got all those presents. You've got your erector set? Yes, go make something. What? I don't know what. Do I have to tell you what to make? Well, if you'd just let me use my chemistry set, I could really... No, for the last time, no. Well, there you are. I've told you, you're not to use that unless I'm around to supervise it. Gosh, what's the use of having a chemistry set? It's too old for you, Leroy. I'm sorry now that I bought it. I wish I'd gotten you 2A instead of a 4B. I'll be careful. It's too late. You've already burned a hole in my desk and smelled up the whole house. You made a nasty brown stain on the rug. What's that? I hadn't heard about that. Well, nothing. I just did what it said in the book. That's what I mean. You've no judgment. Out of the whole book, the first thing you had to make was a stink bomb. Now you can just find something else to play with. You've got other things, Leroy. What about that wood-burning set? Yeah, go burn some wood. I don't want to. Young man, you do what I tell you to. Go burn an Indian head or something and stop pestering me. Haven't you got any homework or anything you can do? Yes, how about that theme? You keep out of this, Marge. What theme? Leroy's supposed to write a theme for his English class. The day he gets back to school. All right for you. How I spent my Christmas vacation. Griping. Yeah, that's not it at all. Well, whatever the theme is, Leroy, you better get at it. This is an ideal time for it. What's the topic? Oh, it's corny. Corny? What is it? My new year's resolutions. What's corny about that? I think it's a very good idea. You're kidding. I can't make resolutions anymore. Jack Benny. Well, you could do with a few, young man. Why don't you write the theme for me then? I could write a book. Resolved. One, I will not come to the table without first washing my hands. I washed them. Two, I will not consider my hands washed until I clean my nails. All right, who had the nail brush last? Pickle pus. I did not. Three, I will not be rude to my sister. Four, my sister will not be rude to me. Five, no. Four. I will not leave any roller skates on the front stoop again. And if I do, my dear Uncle Mort will lick the daylights out of me. Five, I will always keep my shoes tied. They're tied. Six, I will always tuck in my shirt tails. Seven, I will give up the idea of the expression, are you kidding? Are you kidding? And eight, just for that, you can go and get to work on that theme right now. Well, I was only kidding, Uncle. Well, I'm not. Get busy. Okay. Can't even make a joke around here. I don't know what's the matter with kids these days. They have all these things, fancy erector sets, electric trains, electric wood burning outfits. They can't think of anything to do but hang around and pester their elders. When I was a boy, we didn't have any of those things. And what did you use to do, Uncle Mort? Hang around and pester my elders. But I had a better excuse. Here's the paper, Uncle. I thought you might like to read the morning paper. Oh, thank you, Leeroy. Seedingly thoughtful of you. Oh, not at all. You're not forgetting about the theme. Oh, no, no. Yes, don't. Well, listen to this in the paper. Summerfield to have war plans. What else does it say? Summerfield Rattrap Company converts to arms production. By George, now we're getting someplace that the rat's weight will exterminate the jabs first. After 23 years of building better mousetraps, Washington has finally beaten the path to the door of the Summerfield Trap Company. It was revealed today upon arrival of Leonard P. Brody of the WPB. Ordnance expert and right-hand man to Donald Nelson. Brody will consult with civic leaders today about plans for the immediate expansion and conversion of the plant. You see his picture standing here with the mayor. Trust is honored to get his picture taken from Washington. Yeah. I suppose Brody will be wanting to see me, too, as water commissioner. Those plants use plenty of water. Maybe I'd better be getting down to the office. Here's the mail, Mr. Gillsney. Still getting Christmas cards, it looks like. No time for the mail now, Bertie. You've got to get down to the office and see a man from Washington. Oh. Is there any mail from me? Just leave it on my desk. Yes, sir. There's a letter here from Savannah, Georgia. Savannah? Why, it must be from Mrs. Ransome. Well, just leave it on his desk, Bertie. Yeah. Here, give it to me. Yes, sir. What do you know? She's got the stamp on upside down. Oh, let's see it. I love coffee. I love tea. Leroy? I love the girls. The girls love me. Give me that. Come on, catch. Leroy. From Savannah. I don't know what she'd be writing to me about, I'm sure. Why don't you open it and read it, Uncle More? Yeah, out loud. Beautiful. You two kindly mind your own business. I'll read my own letters in my own way and in my own good time. Well, what's this on the back of it? S-W-A-K. What does that mean? If you didn't know. I don't. Oh, for peace sake, Uncle. Well, if you know what it means, tell me. S-W-A-K. Some women are crazy. Leroy, you find something to do and find it quickly before I lose my temper. Okay, Uncle. Only kidding. Yes, I know. Marjorie, can you tell me what S-W-A-K means? Well, if you must know, Uncle More, S-W-A-K on a letter means sealed with a kiss. Yeah, I don't believe it. Is there a lipstick mark on the flap? Yeah. No. Let me see. No. All right. You'll pardon me if I read this. Oh, yeah. Yeah. All right. He-he. He-he. He-he. He-he. He-he. He-he. What do you say, Uncle More? He says the weather's fine. Oh, good. Well, well, well. He-he. Weather getting worse? Would you mind not interrupting me? He-he. Can I carry away the dishes, Mr. Gilslee? Oh, for heaven's sakes. Yes, Birdie. I'm finished. Can I play with the chemistry set if I get Piggy to help me out? Can I? No. Where can I go to? Can I use the chemistry set if Piggy is with me? Lee Roy, I don't care what you do. Blow yourself to pieces, if you like, but don't bother me about it. I'm going upstairs. How many pieces around here do you have to lock yourself in? Uh, now. Uh, sealed with a kiss. Mmm, smells good, too. My own dear Throckmorton, just a line to say thank you, thank you, thank you for your gorgeous Christmas present, but just arrived by air mail. Santa was very good to Little Lila this year, but of all the presents I received, yours was the one I loved the most. How do you like that, Hooker, you old goat? How did you ever guess that passion flower is my favorite perfume? Oh, I just guessed. I have been having a perfectly marvelous time here in Savannah with teas in my honor and eggnog parties and whatnot. Life has been just a round of dances, and I've met some of the most attractive men. But I do miss you terribly. The other night I had the sweetest dream about you. Yes, who's there? It's me, Mr. Gil, it's me, it's Bertie. What is it, Bertie? I'm sick today. Can I get the sheets off you there? All right, Bertie, no privacy anyplace. Won't be for the minute, Mr. Gil Sleeve, and I'll be right out of here. Take your time, I'll go in here. Just a minute for you, dude, let me get the bath mat out of there. Well, let it go, I'll go somewhere else. Oh, you won't be in my way, Mr. Gil Sleeve. No, but you'll be in mine, I'll go downstairs. This house has as much privacy as a bus. There's no room in the whole place where there isn't somebody reading over your shoulder. I'll buy the den. I suppose there's a convention in here. Ah, this is more like it. Eh, let's see now. But I do miss you terribly. The other night I had the sweetest dream about you. Uncle Mort, do you like me in navy blue? Huh? Yes, it's all right with me. But you don't really like me. Well, if you say so, where was I now? I don't really think it does anything for me. The other night I had the sweetest dream about you. I say I don't like you. Maybe you're right. The day I bought you. What did you buy it for then? Uncle Mort, you're not looking at me. Young lady, I'm in my private den trying to read a letter. Oh, you don't have to be so cross. I don't know what's come over you. You haven't been yourself lately. Not since Mrs. Ransom left. Well, Mrs. Ransom has nothing whatever to do with it. I'll thank you to keep her out of it. She'd merely like to be left alone with her for a few moments. I mean with her letter. Well, close your door, nobody will bother you. Eh, that's too late now. Where are you going? I'm going down in the cellar where I hope to enjoy the privacy of the coal bin if nobody has any objections. What are you doing down here? I'll go down to the office. I beg your pardon. Why don't you watch where you're going? Oh, I'm sorry. I was reading a letter, I didn't see it. Why don't you read your letters at home? Yeah, why don't I? I could tell you why, brother. She called me her own dear Rockmorton and she sealed it with a kiss. Gildy! This as far as the barbershop, if you will, judge. No trouble at all, Gildy. Climb in. Well, it's really a pleasure, judge. Pleasure's all mine. I stopped by your house just now but Marjorie said you'd just left. Well, it was such a fine day I just thought I'd walk down to the office today. Well, if you really want to walk, I can let you out. No, no, no, no. I've had enough. You can overdo a thing like this. Well, how have you been, judge? Just fine, Gildy. Just fine. How have you been? Oh, fine. That's fine. Fine day, isn't it? Yes, fine. You're looking well. Never better. You look pretty chipper yourself. I can't complain. And you? There must be a way out of this. Well, I got to get downtown and see a man who just came in from Washington. Oh, you mean that fellow from Donald Nelson's office, Brody? Yep. He sent for me to talk over some of the problems on the plant. It's going to be a great thing for summer for you, Gildy. Yes, it is. You'll probably be wanting to see me sometime today. Well, here you are, Gildy. Well, thanks very much, judge. Oh, by the way, Gildy. Yes, Horace? Heard from Lila Ransom since she left. Why do you want to know? Well, I just wondering. Well, don't. You're wasting your time. Yeah? What makes you think so? Because I had a letter from her this morning. Congratulations. So did I. You did? Yep. Gildy, maybe you could tell me something. What? What does SWAK mean? Home! Gilderslee will be with us again in a few seconds. We all make good resolutions on New Year's Day, so here's one for you good homemakers listening in. Resolve in 1943 to serve your families more of the highly nutritious foods, and at the same time, to keep your food budget in line. Now, one of the foods that can be a big help in keeping that resolution is delicious nourishing parquet margarine, the economical spread for bread made by Kraft. Yes, grand-tasting parquet margarine is a thrifty source of mighty important food elements. It's one of the best energy foods you can serve your family. What's more, every pound contains 9,000 units of important vitamin A the year round. So, you see, by using parquet margarine in your household, you can economize and feed your family better, too. Resolve today to get acquainted with delicious parquet margarine before the New Year sets in. Tomorrow, when you shop, ask for a pound or two of parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet, the margarine that's made by Kraft. Now, let's return to the great Gilderslee, whom we'll find a few minutes later, reclining in a chair at the barber shop while Floyd does a little trimming of his mustache. Yeah, Floyd, never let a woman get a hold on you. You're telling me. She lure you and trick you and make you wish you'd never been born. Brother, you're talking to a guy that married one. And I'm here to tell you last week we went over to her family's house for Sunday dinner. Well, sir, from the time we started to the time we got back, all I hear from her is... Floyd, I'm in no mood for any domestic sagas just now. Do you mind? Not at all. Not at all. Stay, it's too bad you didn't get here a few minutes earlier. Why? I bet you'd give a lot to know who I just finished shaving right in this very chair where you are. Who? Well, some fellow I don't know, his name Brody Brady, something like a government man. Keep it under your hat, but I hear he's right-hand man to Donald Nelson. Why keep it under your hat? It's all over the newspapers. It's in the indicator. Yeah, I haven't read it. Tell me, what kind of a fellow is he? Oh, he's a smart apple. You can tell that the minute you shave him. He wasn't born yesterday. He's an ordinance expert, whatever that is. He knows all about guns and explosives. Yeah, well, anyway, he told me some things that if I was at liberty to reveal them, you wouldn't believe them. One thing, do you know what he came out here for? Why, certainly. To get the rat-crap company switched over to war production. Who told you? The indicator. Read it. It's all in there. Well, you can't believe everything you read in the newspapers. You can't believe everything you hear in barbershops either. I'll tell you one thing I heard. I have an un-good authority from this fellow Brody that the government may spend as much as a quarter of a million dollars on this plant. Who told you that? Well, I heard him tell Sparks the power commissioner. Yep, a quarter of a million dollars. Just think of it, a quarter of a million. That's more than I make here in a year. Come on, get this thing off of me, Floyd. I've got to get to the office. If Brody's getting it together with the power commissioner, he's probably been going crazy trying to get in touch with me. Good morning, Miss Fitch. Good morning, Mr. Commissioner. Happy New Year to the main spring of the waterworks. Thank you, sir. Miss Fitch, have there been any important calls from me this morning? There was one, Mr. Commissioner, yes. I knew it. The printer called about your annual report. Should the binding be in blue or buff? What color is buff? Well, a buff is between a beige and a puce. Puce? That's three colors I never heard of. Tell him to make it blue. Yes, sir. Did I have any other calls? Not this morning, Mr. Commissioner. Were you expecting someone else to call? Miss Fitch, I'll leave it to you. Mr. Brody's in town from the WPB in Washington. You know, Donald Nelson's department. Oh, that Mr. Nelson. Well, I'm glad to see you admire him, too. But this fellow Brody's here to convert the trap factory into a munitions plant. He's sent for the mayor. He's sent for Hooker. He's sent for Sparks, the power commissioner. Does he think he can run the place without water? Well, of course, the Rattap factory has always been one of our biggest subscribers. I know, but there isn't much water in a Rattrap. They may need twice as much water as they've been getting. They may... You all right, Mr. Commissioner? Yes. What's happened is that Brody's fallen into the hands of a few chisellers like Sparks and Hooker. They're trying to prevent him from seeing me. Why should they do that? Stupidity, that's all. I'm going to call up Brody and set him right. I think you should. Hand me the phone, please, Miss Fitch. What's the number of the Summerfield House? A 3894. Thank you very much. If there's trouble, would he follow us from Washington? I don't understand local conditions. I'm out here and get in with the wrong crowd. Summerfield House. Mr. Leonard P. Brody. Just a moment, please. Hello. This is Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve, and I'm the water commissioner of this town. Yes, sir. I'd just like to warn you that you're playing politics with the wrong bunch, Mr. Brody. And if I... Wait a minute. I'm not Mr. Brody. I'm his assistant. Oh. Mr. Brody has gone out to look at the plant. Oh. Well, I'll call him back later. Brody's gone out to inspect the plant. At least that's what his assistant says. Maybe I'll have to run out there and see him, huh? We'd go over the problem right on the ground. That might be very helpful. Yes. Water Department. Ms. Pitch speaking. Mr. Gildersleeve there. I'll see. Who is it, please? Tell him this is Brody and he'd better come quick. Something terrible has happened. Just a minute. Mr. Commissioner, you're cooked. She says something has happened. Oh. Hello. What is it, Brody? What is it? Oh, Mr. Gildersleeve, you'd better come down here right away and don't let no grass grow. I can't, Brody. Can't you tell me what's the matter? No, sir, I can't. I can't do that. I've got an appointment with an important man about a new explosives factory. Well, you'd better come What? Oh, my goodness. Keep calm, Brody. Don't let it go off like it there. What is this, Brody, tells me? He wasn't honest. Didn't mean to do what? Piggy did it. Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Get a hold of yourself, young man. What is it that you did? I made a bottle of nitroglycerin. Nonsense. You can't make nitroglycerin with a 4B chemistry set. Can you? That's what Piggy said. He said it would blow us all up. Where's Piggy? He beat it. He beat it the minute I did it. He was scared. Well, where is the stuff? That's it right there on the table. That? Why, that looks like nothing but water. Don't do this! No! Don't do that, Brody! Don't touch it, Mr. Gale Steve. It's bad luck that touched nitroglycerin. Bad luck, nitroglycerin. Come, come. Let's keep our wits now, folks. What did you make this out of, young man? I don't know, onk. There were two things and I just poured one into the other like he told me. Piggy did. He made me do it. Well, let's be sensible about this. Lee Roy, you get the dictionary. Let me see who would know about such things. Hey, Brody, you go and phone Mr. Peavey down at the drugstore. Ask him if you'd be kind enough to drop over here. Shall I tell him this? Tell him nothing. Just ask him if he'd mind dropping over. That's all. Yes, sir. I'll do that. Here's the dictionary, uncle. Quit shaking, Lee Roy. Quit shaking. Now, let's see. Probably just a lot of nonsense. Here we are. Nitroglycerin. A colorless, heavy, oily liquid. Well, it's that all right. The highly explosive quality. The pain by mixing nitric and sulfuric acids. That's what it was. Nitric and sulfuric. Those were the things. Wait a minute. It explodes by percussion. What does that mean? The least little jar will set it off. Oh, let's get out of here. It's not a bad idea. Mr. Peavey's coming out over, Mr. Gilles Peavey. Peavey, what we need is a bomb squad. Lee Roy, you run out and get a cop. Just as fast as you can go. A cop? Okay, I'll... Thank goodness you've come, Peavey. What can I do for you, Mr. Gilles Peavey? Is there sickness in the house? Not yet. Now, you're a druggist, Peavey. You know all about chemistry. Well, no, I wouldn't say that. We've got a little chemical problem here. I gave my nephew a chemistry set for Christmas, and I'm afraid the boy's gotten a little over his death. In fact, he appears to have made a quantity of nitroglycerin. Well, Mr. Gilles, these boys will be boys. Yeah. There's the stuff in that little bottle there. You think there's enough of it to do much damage? Well, if it's nitroglycerin, yes. I'd say that it could easily blow out all the walls of the house and probably kill all of us at the same time. Break all the windows, too. Yep. That is, if it's nitroglycerin. Yes. Well, I ain't staying around to find out. I'm getting out of this house. Don't slam the door, birdie. Not me. Oh, go away. Go away, Esop. Give the cat a boot if he bothers you, Peavey. That's all right, Mr. Gilles. I like cats. I find that cats generally like me, too. Well, so does Mr. Peavey. No time to be standing around admiring cats, Peavey. What are we going to do about that darn bottle? How are we going to get rid of it? It does present a problem. Yeah. Esop. Esop, get down off of there. Esop, get away from that bottle. He seems to like nitroglycerin. Esop! It's nice, Esop. He's rubbing up against it. If he knocks that thing over a good night, it... A saucer of milk might be effective. Yes. Birdie! Birdie, bring us a saucer of milk. Quickly. I can't hear you, Mr. Gilles. Besides, we ain't got no milk. Righto, sardines might be good. Oh, look what he's doing now. He's licking the bottle where it ran down the outside. Here, Esop. Nice, Esop. Look at that. He's crazy about that stuff. Come on, boy, come on. That's it. Come, come, come, come. There, you see, PV, he likes me. Come on, Esop, old fellow. That's a nice, Esop. No, I don't know that I'd pat that cat if I were you. Why not? He's bloated. Go away, Esop. Go away! Go away, scat! Get him off of me, somebody! Here's the chief of police, honk. Oh, Chief Gates, am I glad to see you. Hello, Mr. Gillisly. Did you send this boy out with a cock and bull story about TNT or something? Nitroglycerin. There it is, right on the table there. How do you know it's nitroglycerin? Yeah, how do you know it isn't? Well, that's a point. Let's have a look at it. Don't touch it! Don't shout! Slap will go off. I thought you said it wasn't nitroglycerin. You've got me nervous now. All right. Now, how do we decide whether it is or whether it isn't? I don't rightly know. This kind of a job calls for a bomb squad. We've got no bomb squad. Hey, wait a minute. What? He's from the town from Washington who's supposed to be an ordinance expert. Oh, you mean Brody? That's the fella. Come on, we'll take this stuff down to his hotel or show it to him. I've been trying to see Brody all day. He'll see me. Come on. All right. I'll carry the cat. You carry the bottle, Chief. You've got rubber heels. Yes, what is it, officer? Oh, who are all these people? I'm a Throckmorton P. Gillisly, Mr. Brody. I'm the water commissioner of Summerfield. I've been trying to get in touch with you all day. I just wanted to assure you of my cooperation. Oh, Mr. Gillisly, my assistant told me you phoned. We've got a problem for you, Mr. Brody. Mr. Gillisly's nephew here thinks he made some nitroglycerin. Is that so? Yeah, but I didn't mean to do it. Well, let's have a look at it before you start worrying about it. Here it is in the bottle. Well, there isn't enough here to do any real harm, even if it were nitroglycerin. Well, we'll have a look at it. Nitroglycerin. Yes. You mean it isn't, huh? Well, if it were nitroglycerin, I wouldn't dare do this with it. Here, catch. Hey! Oh, well, it was a two-pants suit anyway. Quite a day, quite a day. And tomorrow will be another. I've got to go to Whistle Vista to see about some business interests I've got there. A little tax matter. Oh, well, a trip will do me good. Help to take my mind off Lila and give me a chance to use that new military brush set I got for Christmas. I'll arrive in Whistle Vista on Tuesday and I'll be there over New Year's. That means I'll be spending New Year's Eve with my little chums, Fiver McGee and Molly. I can't think of a better way to spend it. Should all the quaintance be forgot and never brought to mind? Should all the quaintance be forgot and days in Whistle Vista? Good night, Dary. Good night, everybody, and happy New Year. Close and conducted by Billy Mills. Your favorite motion picture theater will soon be showing the Great Gilder Sleeves starring Harold Perry. We hope you'll see it. This is Ken Crawfordner speaking for the makers of Kraft Cheese and inviting you to tune in again next week for the further adventures of the Great Gilder Sleeves. Ladies, be good. To yourselves, I mean. Don't worry about what to have to dinner after a busy afternoon. Just open a package of that wonderful food product called Kraft Dinner, and in a very few minutes, you'll have delicious macaroni and cheese all ready to serve. Yes, in just seven minutes' cooking time, you can make that favorite American dish, macaroni and cheese, if you make it with Kraft Dinner. Because the macaroni in a package of Kraft Dinner is a very special kind, it cooks up fluffy and tender in just seven minutes. And also in the package of Kraft Dinner is some Kraft Grated. You sprinkle this Kraft Grated on the macaroni, stirring its mild cheese flavor through and through. That's all. Your Kraft Dinner is ready. Now, ladies, because of the great demand for economical, nutritious Kraft Dinner, your dealer may be out of it if you wait until Saturday to order. Help him keek stocked by ordering early in the week. You ask for Kraft Dinner. This program came to you from Holl-