 Hey, kids! Today we have a very special guest, Officer Dan! Hi, kids! We're going to learn everything you kids need to know about the police! Haha! Yeah! Number one, police officers have cool lights on top of their cars! Super cool! Number two, police officers wear neat badges! Really neat! Number three, police officers have no legal obligation to protect you from imminent harm! It's true! I can sit back and watch as someone stabs you repeatedly! Yeah, that really happened! A subway train in New York! The victim himself had to disarm the serial killer who the cops were there to find! Look it up! It's settled law! Yeah! It's kind of amazing! Number four, if you're too smart, you cannot be a police officer! Score too high on an entry to ZAM, and some places won't let you into the police academy! They think you'll get bored and quit! Number five, the more arrests an officer makes, the more court appearances are required! Which means more overtime and larger retirement benefits! Oh yeah, we call that pension spiking! I can retire at 45 with more income than the mayor! It's a pepper-sensitive structure! And I can keep that pension, even if I commit murder! Haha! Number six, some police officers get to work with doggies! The only dogs we don't shoot on sight! Number seven, police officers can violate your rights and get away with it! That's called qualified immunity! Number eight, becoming a police officer takes a lot of training! It took me three and a half months to become a police officer! It took Mr. Barber two years and three exams to become a licensed hair stylist! Yeah well, scissors are sharp! Number nine, cops aren't required to know the law even as they arrest people for breaking it! I can pull you over and search your vehicle without any legal justification! As long as I think I have justification, anything I find is admissible in court! Are you serious? Is that real? We have very good unions! Holy s***! Number ten, police officers get paid with our taxes! Police misconduct is also paid through your taxes! So, we pay you to protect us if you don't legally have to do? Yup, that's civil law! And then, when you accidentally or intentionally violate us, you pay for all that too! Wow, that's really s*** dude! Number eleven, the police car has a cool siren! Haha! Haha!