 Insignis and in health and in health to love to love cherish cherish and to obey Yes, we did so you want me to repeat that again you and just keep going I think we can keep going What's up y'all so I came across this video the other day and I was compelled to Speak on it. So I want to preface it by saying no disrespect to this couple Congratulations to them. However, I think this is an important conversation and we're gonna use them as a proxy. So as you saw the bride Struggled to and actually didn't actually say obey with that part of the vows. She kind of skipped over and Oftentimes we say Women these days want a wedding, but they don't want marriage and I think this was a perfect example of that And I think it begs the question does the traditional paradigm of marriage still work in the modern day And is it gonna work moving forward Gen Z gen a in the whole nine but I think what is the most telling about this clip is the young man the fact that he laughed After this very public embarrassment is what I want to kind of hone it on so in My video with Jackie Hill Perry and Preston Perry. I talked about how it's unfortunate that Most men especially in our community have never experienced and might never experience Being with a woman who actually likes them the common paradigm is one of I'm lucky to have her But not necessarily that she's lucky to have me and in that Dynamic in that power dynamic the woman gets to do and say and be anything that she chooses to do and say and be and the man is supposed to Laugh it off suck it up and move forward and I think there's a faction of Boys who are coming up seeing this Seeing this represented in media seeing this represented in movies and music And are deciding I had the same what I want or you have some men who go overseas and Try to get a more traditional woman to Establish a more traditional paradigm But I think the lesson here is that brothers You deserve better than this a woman who thinks she's doing you a favor a woman who doesn't have respect and reverence for you To not embarrass you like this in public. It's not a woman. You need to be with and The truth is your woman can actually make or break you as a man And that's literally you know within the house how she stresses you out in the whole nine But also externally and how she Represents you and represents herself to the public right like how a brother's gonna take this young man Seriously now when his girl is so willing to embarrass him like this and he doesn't even see the wrong and he's laughing it off as a joke Men are going to see you as a joke. It's an unfortunate reality, but that's the case and at first I thought you know, maybe he was Super young and didn't know any better, but apparently he's about 20 29 years old So he's not a young brother Which makes me think maybe there's something else going on that has maintained this power dynamic that they have You know in the way of the superior man David Dita talks about how the masculine is attracted to the feminine Even if the masculine resides in a woman and the feminine resides in a man So as masculine men, we might see this and think oh, this is disrespectful. I would have walked off But maybe as a more feminine man, he doesn't see any issue with it And there's been an established paradigm where she's the quote-unquote prize and he doesn't see himself as a prize as well And she definitely doesn't see him as one either Shout out to Sonya Glover I do the geography and precious tea for all of these precious moments. We feel alive We feel loved and we really appreciate it. So in my recent case study about Carly Russell, you know the young lady who staged her abduction I Talked about her dad and I talked about the interview that Her parents gave I think to good morning America and how the dad was kind of just there He wasn't really engaged. He Didn't say anything. It was kind of dominated by the mother and I talked about the background dad phenomenon as somebody who has a background dad and What that leads to right? So in my case, I had to go learn the quote-unquote game on my own as We got more game from my mom than I did my dad. I can't even tell you what game I got from my dad But you know, I had to bump my head. There wasn't a handing of the baton You know from an older black man to a younger black man. So I don't have to make the same mistakes that he made but also what it created in my sisters particularly my the sister who's right after me is the entitlement that we talk about the women have sometimes and I think we in a shallow way assume that a two-parent household eliminates that but You know, what I've seen is that Some of the women with dads with their dad in their life are among the worst women that you can deal with particularly women with a background dad particularly women with a Dad who's just quote-unquote there. So he doesn't get fined a dad who gets run over by the mother a Dad who doesn't really have a backbone You know, he just goes along to get along And I think more than just the embarrassment of this situation. I think these are the conversations We need to have his men Especially, you know, if his father is in his life, these are the conversations his father should have had with him These are the conversations his mother should have had with him About why this particular power dynamic can lead to very very bad outcomes with their marriage and especially with their children Because contrary to popular belief In my experience women do not prefer Dynamics when where they are in charge where they are the One who can bully and run over their man And female nature is kind of built to constantly poke and prod and challenge The man and when she constantly wins That respect doesn't last that respect That's vital to Her image of you goes right down the drain and I know a lot of brothers have been taught maybe Brothers who grew up with single mothers that the best thing you can do is be sweet to a woman and Be kind to a woman and let her get her way like TV and movies tell us to but I've seen this end up Horribly, I know brothers who are sexually involved with some men's wives Because she's not happy She's not fulfilled. She's not challenged For better or better for worse for work for richer for richer for poor for poor We hit that snag about 20 times in counseling Real made it very clear to Jonathan you cannot be broke What saddens me about this Situation is the fact that none of this young man's family none of this young man's friends At least to our knowledge pulled him to the side and told him listen, man. This girl don't like you and Perhaps it happened. Perhaps somebody pulled him to the side because I'm sure this isn't the first time that She's embarrassed him. I'm sure this isn't the first time that she has shown him publicly that you are an afterthought and you should be just Glad and happy that I've chosen to spend my time with you, but again Some of us as black men have been raised to believe That our ability to tame wild horses To subdue unruly women is the measure of man that we are and Oftentimes it causes us to take on these unfortunate unnecessary challenges by Quote-on-quote securing a woman that deep down we understand doesn't want us Doesn't really like me like that and We think that as we continue to check boxes when I buy her flowers or take her on that $300 date or Make her my girlfriend or marry her That eventually she's gonna turn the corner and she's gonna like me and she's gonna love me But unfortunately brothers, that's not true In my opinion, it's never been true But it's definitely not true nowadays where women have more freedom than they've ever had more opportunity than they've ever had More options Then they've ever had so if a woman does not see you as her choice Run, it's not gonna turn out well And that's why sometimes when I see certain men who tout marriage as the end all be all the finish line and Almost think that they move up a rank because they are married. It gives me reason to pause Because it begs the question, why did you get married? Who did you get married to? and Is your marriage is this union an exemplary one? Because we all know people who they're married They're miserable They're married, but they don't like each other and I've always said I think the best argument you can make for marriage, especially These days as children if you have that higher calling of I want legacy and we need to be together Physically and legally to make that happen. I'm all for that But this idea that marriage is the ultimate manifestation of love Is one that I don't really rock with? Because previous generations used to grade themselves based on how long they've been able to tether themselves to each other and This generation I don't think we're going for it because we've seen situations like this where mom don't really like dad like that But he was the one who gave her a ring. So she was like, all right cool and how that plays out And I say it all the time, you know as much as we critique and criticize the pookies and ray rays and These men that the women let drive their car and borrow money and live with them One thing they understand is that If a woman really likes you it don't matter what you have and in this case Apparently in counseling, which is I think is a good thing pre marital counseling It's come up often that She is not down with the for better or worse Which is a clear indicator to anybody who really understands women and she don't like them like that Because I'm sure she's dated some broke dudes and Jonathan's case. It doesn't matter how much money he makes Doesn't matter how good looking he is. He doesn't matter how good he treats her She don't like you like that my boy and you should have turned your ass around and walked away and Maintain your self-respect and go find a woman who likes you and who is excited to be married to you Not just excited for a wedding and to be a princess for a day and using you as her stand-in Because she might want to like him She might want to love him but listen to actions speak louder than words And in this case her words Speak loud enough So I did a little digging and I found her page And again, this is for educational purposes and my hope young men are watching but one of the telltale signs of if a woman is more excited about the wedding or the marriage is pictures right we've all seen pictures of a couple where The woman is making, you know her resting bitch face and then the man is kissing her on the cheek or The man seems like he's the one clinging on to her and she could care less or in Will Smith's case you know, he's showcasing Jada as his trophy and Oftentimes it's a really good indicator of the power dynamic, right? I remember there's a saying that everything in life is about sex except sex sex is about power and in their case One of the things that I noticed was After the engagement, maybe this is the engagement party of the proposal She posts one two Three pictures of herself with the ring Before she posed a picture of the man who gave it to her and again, I'm not speaking for their situation specifically But it's typically an indicator that she cares more about the wedding Than the marriage She cares more about what he does for her Than him Brothers, this is a red flag What's popping it's that boy John I Go have some fun today. Hope you turn in the episode for the body before if you have not been listening you missin Out the good content so on in Laugh and do a quick freestyle right quick. They don't know I'm doing this. I'm surprised at them too. Check me out It's off the road so you know that we spitting fire. It's me dumbest. I'm a drill So you know it's hot. I can't forget about now. I said she out of a do so I said this is gonna be spitting go ahead of my head licking like what he was calling for on what they Said we talked about the Lord gone. It's been a shot. I said we wrap all right everywhere We go you better put us on your legs. If you listen, bro I said we don't outfall and spotify every stream of service that we going live I say you catches every Sunday every second of the week. So we come at night here trying to bring you this heat We trying to stay your soul send you back to Christ. I said we stole humble So we take it nice everybody gotta listen up. I said it's off the road. I said we blow it up So I found this video of Jonathan the groom and Apparently he has a podcast or he had a podcast Off the rails Atlanta, which tells me that they're also in Atlanta and I think there's several things that come up here Number one, it's a Christian podcast So I think Religion and Christianity more specifically is part of this conversation Number two, he's in Atlanta, which is also part of this conversation and I'll talk about why then number three there is an Affeminate twang to this young man and that's where I want to start right Oftentimes we talk about the Effects of single motherhood on on black boys and I don't know if he comes from a single mother I saw a picture with his dad, but it was an old picture but Nevertheless whether his dad was in his life or wasn't in his life. He strikes me as a more effeminate man right and I think that's partly what led him to a woman like his now wife and I think the lesson for young men is Before you find a wife before you get in a relationship, whatever the case might be You have to first build the kind of man that you want to be And you have to first identify the type of masculinity that you respect the type of masculinity that you think Works and is effective Not just in love, but also in business in the world and the whole nine and you have to build that first before you submit yourself to a Woman and perhaps he tried to do that perhaps he didn't or Perhaps maybe he's trying to make Concessions for maybe some Sexual confusion and has expedited the process of finding and locking down a woman to cover up some of his I don't know But then it also brings up the church right and how the church pushes marriage as the solution pushes marriage as step closer to salvation and I think it Scares people and especially young people who are committed to their faith into prematurely rushing into the institution and opening themselves up to all the pitfalls that come from those premature nuptials and I think that's worth a conversation right if a lot of our Mothers fathers aunts uncles were honest They really got married when they got married just so they wouldn't get fined just to do the right thing But they weren't ready. They weren't convinced that this is the person that they wanted to spend Their life with but they did it just just in case and a lot of us are familiar with all the pitfalls That came along with that and I think moving into the 22nd century these kids are not going for it Particularly as the world has become more accessible people have become more accessible options have become more accessible So I think the church now has to be honest about What marriage is and what marriage might have to become and lastly? They're from Atlanta Atlanta is known for a lot of things No offense to my people watching from Atlanta, but I'm not a fan of the city Atlanta is one of the black gay capitals of the world Atlanta is one of the church capitals of the world Atlanta is one of the pretentious capitals of the world and I think all these things kind of culminate in this Example of their wedding and perhaps this young man has been guilted into scared into rushing this situation with the woman who In my opinion clearly doesn't even like him like that for a myriad of reasons. So brothers. I think we need to be more honest with ourselves. I Think we need to be more honest in the decisions that we make and why we make them And I think we need to stop allowing the world in the church and our moms and Our women to bully us into prematurely doing things that we really don't want to do or taking on challenges That aren't ours to take on and trying to mold still bread I'm not gonna say this brother deserves better because I don't know him. I don't know her But if you're standing at the altar and your woman Cannot agree to the for better or worse for richer or poorer to love and obey You need to turn your ass around and you need to walk smooth out of that cathedral and If you're a real one You need to have seen the telltale signs prior to even putting that ring on her finger If you want to see more of this, please click that like button It helps tremendously and share. This is somebody you think would gain value from the message And hit that subscribe button as well peace out y'all