 Some of the same chicks, I don't know. That's neither here nor there. But yo, my man walks in the spot, right? I made the mistake of telling him, I'm doing good. I got lean back, I'm cracking with Wheezy and all. So I'm good, good. I'm fucking with Fat Joe's stories, man. I gotta do something. He talked about it as a little bambi hosted the BT award. I know, man. Last day, you know what I'm saying? Fat Joe, yesterday's price is not today's price. They need to put that on the gas stations. Mm, that is hilarious. It's real, they need to put that shit on the gas stations, nigga. I just had a brilliant idea. It's $5.89 in LA. I want to store that only sell shit that they're about to stop selling on purpose. Oh, yeah. That's brilliant. I don't want to let you roll in with that internet. I might think of what this is. We got a Wheezy secret. Put a club house. How much is the gas here? Club. Shit, it depends on where you go. It's $5.89 in LA. $9.85. I just was out there. We bought a phone for $93. Yeah, I just was out there. Gas costs more than a happy meal. I'm already in there easily. About to be sick. Yeah, I like when the gas prices go up. Cause motherfuckers start staying home. They about to start talking back on the phone. When was the last time you been in a real-life trap house? When I was in Miami the last time. You know, I come from a nothing but people who have alternative businesses. I was watching Fighting Words. Mm-hmm. I love the story about your stepdaddy getting beat up. That is great. That was on Netflix. That's not all Fighting Words. I don't see. What's the, okay. See, I done watched them all. That's they ready. They ready? He got his ass beat in the rain. In the rain? It was rainy. And I didn't wanna, cause that's my brother's father, so I let him live. But my mother is the one who came and got him and rescued him from the fight. Keepin' beat up in the rain, man. Then shit's slippery, too. Got his ass beat in the rain. That's the only defense you could say it after that. You get your ass whipped in front of your kids in the rain. You gotta live in that by, if it wouldn't have been raining. Gotta whoop your ass. I woulda whooped that nigga's ass. Then you know that. Man, cap. The rain fucked me up, man. You can't see shit. It was raining hard in the motherfucker. Every time you tell the story, you gotta increase the rain. By 20%. Damn flood. What the fuck, DC go. They're fighting it, waist deep. They're probably shittin' that peace out. Don't put him on blast like that. Well, maybe he is. What has been goin' on at the end, like this has high ass gas? I haven't been there, but. You been on the road and shit, man. You goin' up. Just like I told you you would. Yeah, it's more activity elsewhere, right? I told you first. You ain't nothing. I told you in that van. I told you in that limo. What you told? We had a long talk. I had to save me from goin' crazy on them posts in a night of time. Where? We had a different plan. Last time we standin' for real. We had a different plan. Yup. What you mean? We just weren't there for that. They don't understand that shit, though. You know what I mean? If you're like, man, you should have won. I was like, you don't kinda get how it goes. Right. He was really on survival that year. Yeah, we were. Y'all had challenges. Oh, let's try it. Y'all had challenges. They don't even know how much shit I ate it. We were gonna turn on each other. And then we didn't even have to. They had this bullshit where you had to pick who you were. You had to vote. Yeah. And we never, he never turned on me, but them three crackers on that show, they. Carlos Smill on you. Oh, it was. I remember that. Hell no. I remember that. I was through playin' this shit. And she's like, okay, Carlos. We got to the point where we wanted to go. And this guy. I was like, it don't matter what the fuck I do out here. These niggas, I already, he got a whole commercial. He got a whole commercial. And they kept, he kept telling us too, remember? He lost to the nigga from the Gackle ad. Nigga, there is no question about that type of shit. How you gonna beat the nigga with a commercial? Right. He already got a network deal. He ain't beat these motherfuckers. Yeah, that's why I'm here. Let me get the fuck out of here. Bitch, you better get treacherous. I don't know what the fuck the last challenge is gonna be. All right, you wanted bad enough? Stab one of your castmates. There are four of you left. There are three knives on the table. That's what we were. How bad do you want it? You hit the bell. Now that's how bad it is. Show what you know. We're gonna pick numbers for knives. Each knife has a number on the back of it. You're the most successful person of that season. Say it loud, although the mic big, that shit up. You are. Well, well. He's the most successful person from our season. Don't nobody know who Rodman is anymore. Like, he didn't get anything from there. Yes, he didn't be good, ain't he? No, Rodman was good. I thought he was still on the road. He's still doing it. Rodman. That's what he wanted. Yeah. Rodman, okay. Yeah, yeah. He good. I'm not saying that he's bad. I'm just saying that out of that season, regardless of who was one, two, three, four, five, you were more successful than all of them. Nobody knows who Jimmy Shuber is. Nobody knows who these people are. I wonder what a fuck Jimmy Shuber is. He's the best. He's on the greens, bro. Oh man. Shout out to all of them comments who auditioned for Lance Cummings. And wait, let me finish. We don't know what I'm about to say. They went up there and said, oh, that's shit. Now you're down their band. You should have seen that shit. Like the first round, we had a hundred motherfuckers. Oh my goodness. Man, they were saying the most outlandish shit you could think of. Give me an example. Just shock humor. Okay. I can't even repeat this shit. Shit against the cancer. Shit that would definitely get you. And this was they whole shit. What's to make the crowd go, oh my gosh. Got into it with Roseanne. He told Russell he was a hack. Remember that? Yep. What? Russell Pena. I think I remember that. There's judges. There's judges. Oh, a few of those comedians. I remember that. A few of them custom to judges out. Yeah. A few of them just walked off and was like, you don't know shit about them fucking comedy. Oh, really, Roseanne? They were like, what the fuck are you about to stand up? Exactly. Fucking need to be here? Yeah. Comedy game treacherous, dawg. Tell you, that was some very entertaining shit, though, man. I just hate that a lot of this shit didn't even come out. Little challenges and shit they was waking us up to do all day. Oh, man. This challenge is there's comic standing, but you're gonna have to sit down the entire time. Me, we went, we woke up one morning and went to Universal Studios and rode the fucking rides. As a challenge? Yeah. The Scooby Doo Band, what was that? The Mystery Machine? But it was like dumb early, like where it wasn't fun, right? Yeah, it was like. After a while it just wasn't funny anymore. Six in the morning. Yeah, shit like that. I don't think it wasn't funny anymore. Nigga, you ever woke up with J.B. Smoove in your room telling jokes? He said what? You ever woke up with J.B. Smoove busting in your room telling jokes? Oh, hell no. And he would bust in the door, like he would just bust in the door. Yeah. He was the host, yo. Because I had Anthony just for life. J.B. Smoove, then? Oh, he got a key. That's one more fucking boy. That's a wake-up call. That's crazy, nigga. J.B. Smoove got a key to your hotel room, to you and that sleep, that nigga. He bustin' in them jokes. That was his thing, like every single time we had, especially when they were eliminating people, he would just bust in the door just to make us more anxious. That's his hope, and he would slide in the room. It was. Say some shit and walk off. It'd be some incomplete shit, though. All the night comments. Yes. You might fry some fish. She didn't go eat no chicken. Yeah. And that gold. And that gold. And that gold. All right, I had to tell the truth, though. And all of that shit. What's funnier than watching J.B. Smoove read off the prompter? Oh, yes, sir. And then he would be in there forever. There was a pause. He would do a sentence and a pause. Chicken, chicken, chicken. Chicken soup. These are all things. The communities is on the road. But tonight, we're going to make a road. Take a look at that. Big potato. Big potato. Man, we used to be in that big crying last night. That's some of the most fun I ever had, though, man. Chicken potato. What? Right in the cell. Oh. Oh. Oh. Or J.B. Smoove funny is. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. He might fight for fish. He might fight for chicken. He might fight for chicken. He might fight for chicken. He's reading them chicken tonight. Tonight, one of your asses is going home. I don't give a damn. He was out. He was out. Assed? He's got a lot of color in the ass. He's got a lot of color in the ass. One of these asses won't be here tomorrow. My black ass to be here. For one of you asses, one of those asses. You're going to be fit home. That is for him. Tonight. Oh, shit. I know. Bro, that shit used to be crazy because they used to, when people got eliminated, they used to make you go shoot your scene. Like, you had to go to your room, pack all your shit, and then fake like you leave it, and then go back upstairs. You remember that shit? They would go, yeah, I like the fucking hard knocks off. When you get eliminated, you got to go pack all your shit. They make you think you really leave it. And you go to a psychiatrist. Yeah, they make you go to therapy. When you get eliminated, you go to the room and it's a psychiatrist. Everybody, are you okay? You okay? Damn. You might kill yourself because you lost. I won, but I ain't never go. I don't want to go to see somebody. I needed some therapy. I ain't know what the fuck to do. You only make it. I didn't make it. They didn't even tell us though. It's the end of the world with me back. Oh, shit. I can't go back home. You ain't got a kind of crazy ass experience. I can't tell you about it. Make it back. You ain't going to look at me. It's a failure. I'm not like this. I'm for the gold man. Don't do it, man. I got to go back. Me, me, you. Chicken with David. Tell him. Tell him the truth. Crack it. 100 bucks. Chicken wing from club. 10 years too. But tonight one of your asses is going home. The black ass, the white ass. No matter who asses. Somebody ass won't be here tomorrow. I'll be here. That's what he did. Oh, he won though? No, he won. Jamie's won. He won. He won. He won. He was like, ate a booboo. You got to go home. Get your ass up. Come on. I'm trying to write some jokes. He was busting out, bro. So he was like a counselor. He was the host. You're going to be a tour guide. You want to make it in the business? You want to see if you really got what it takes. You want to see what it takes? You want to see what it takes or do you have what it... He tried to get it himself. Do you think you have what it might take to get it? It might take to get it. Man, I used to be in that motherfucker's tears just rolling down. Because you got to sit there and not laugh. Man, this shit was so hard. How many comments did you start out with? 100. Shit. We went down to 28. A hundred? Then what? 50. But our era was 28. Yeah, it go 150, then 20. Then I think we did like 30. Then it's 10. Yeah, it was one. Yeah. Yeah. Read your contracts, people. Yes. We think he going over 10. Read your contracts. 100 niggas. Read. The contract. Any time they bring you some shit right before you about to do some shit. Yep. You better read that shit. Send that shit to your lawyer, man. Y'all don't want to miss it, man. The return of the ghetto legends. So please. Please. Get your ticket at the85southshow.com right now. You don't want to miss Augusta Georgia. July 7th. Be there. Please. Don't meet me there. Beat me there. Yeah, it is. Balls in your face. What's up, y'all? It's your girl, Lex P. And it's your girl, Joanna Cole. And we outside this summer. Y'all know what time it is. It's tour time. I'm so excited for the tour. And we are going to the number one and number two requested places that everybody been asking us to go. And you already know who on the list first, Atlanta. Atlanta, Houston, Dallas, Columbia, Birmingham, Chicago, New York. Y'all, we are outside. When I tell y'all this show, we have a lot of special guests coming. Y'all just going to be blown away. It's going to be so much fun. Let me tell y'all how to know when you're drunk. I don't know that. But if you start talking like crazy. So make sure y'all get your tickets right now. Go to poorminds.com. Y'all don't want to miss out. And you never know we might ask some more days. Oh, we definitely going to ask some more days now. So let us know if it's the city that we missing and y'all wants to come to. And y'all know they going to sell out. So don't be asking us when y'all going to come back. Get y'all tickets right now. Poorminds.com. We'll see y'all this summer. Blinking about y'all. Okay, they said y'all did. Y'all made enough noise the way y'all got people paid. I wonder who's that one? No, they didn't. The first thing I had to do was ask for food by my chick. Anybody in the game who know that. So what happened? What happened? What did they tell you? They were going to say money. You'll get your money three months from now. You told them not to miss the city. Hey, when I got through talking to them people, what did they say? Everyone, could you come downstairs and get your per diem? Yeah. They went and got their envelopes and had that lady right there make you sign your name. I'm talking about this. The first couple of times there was some money in an envelope. Then they got, it was before they even had the checks for this shit. My shit was way better. I mean, you had told me all the shit too. I was like, damn, like. That was boot camp before y'all got there. But once I got there, I was like, oh, that's the reason they got shit together. The contract was so crazy, right? They felt like, okay, since you're on this show, you can't go work none of these other shows in LA. This was all the comedy. Who you were, even if you about to go home, you still can't do this shit for about three weeks after that. It was okay to shit in there. No net. So it's like, they want you to stay out here as long as you're on the show, right? But they're not going to pay you until you leave. You're living in the hotel. This ain't no cheap ass hotel. They don't already, these comedians now, they want $500 every week for the deposit. So when they get your card number, it's a $500 hold, then a $500 deposit. They didn't tell you that it's $1,000 a week then just for your security deposit. You ain't paying for the room though. How long did the competition? How long did you stay there? That's the part they ain't paying for the room. They room paid for this, the security. They paying for your room. You can go incidental fee. They got incidental fee. $1,000 incidental fee. $2,000. Because maybe you don't even stay there. It's $500 every couple. It's a $500 hold. Right. But if you stay there another week, it's another $500 hold. Right. So it's like by the time they release, and then you know this shit can be from seven to 30 days. Business days too. And you got credit card. Hey, my boy. I know. I made my per diem. Hey man, it's just so much fad print in this industry that nobody mentioned man. It was abusive. It was abusive. And then they just, it's so many motherfuckers that they just like, okay, somebody can be next. It's like, and then it's like you. Somebody can be next shit don't scare nobody. No, that's the thing about it. They don't even do reality shows like that. It do. People would change. You know what I'm saying? Right. Put y'all in the house. Whatever they sold them on, they actually didn't believe in that shit. Well, they didn't put us in the house. Okay. But y'all had to do challenges every day. Yeah, we had to turn on each other. You said it had turned into survivors. And it was. Man, I ain't gonna say who it was, but we got a whole motherfucker who literally lost their whole house trying to do this shit. They fucking ain't no home to go to. They didn't get to put out. Damn. Trying to do this kind of shit. It was that thousand dollars. That was the last thousand dollars. And they got that shit put on there. They had, they had conspiracies going. Like, there was the real going on. They were trying to turn on us, talking about. Man, they were figuring out what they can do to fucking. To make a TV show instead of making drama. To make drama. You and me on the competition show is fuck it. Help comedies go at it. The first rally in the company TV show. They move us. Help me. I got you. You look out for me. I want to look out for you. They tried to get him to turn on me and he was on camera. He said, I ain't turning on her. That's my baby. That's the quote. He never turned on me. They were, they were like, we got to get rid of the black people because minorities are in and a black person is going to win. That's what they said. Yes, it was bad. It was bad. They were like, man, do some jokes. And they were 20. They have been doing stand up for 25 years. I know, but that's when you get so much that you trying to be strategic with all you got to do in this motherfucker is be funny in front of a motherfucker audience. I knew, man, when motherfuckers like, I got, I'm booked. I'm booked. Everybody was saying that shit on the show. I was like, man, it was like this though. It was like, okay, we shoot a segment, right? Then they're probably supposed to do an interview, right? You remember, everybody was supposed to do an interview. So say for instance, they're like, all right, I had to go do her interview. Y'all go, y'all go, and they'll just ride you around and some shit for an hour. And he like, ain't no fucking way to still do this interview. Then they'll bring another motherfucker. And they might be up there for two hours. So now you been in this van. It's dark in the motherfucking images. Like, all right, send them back to the hotel. It was like, what the fuck? What is this? And then you're like, how the fuck every time they go do the interview, it's two hours? Yeah. You go through your shit. They might ask you one question. How you feel about the shit? You had fun? All right. See you tomorrow, man. You out early day for you, huh? Yep. Then you get back to the hotel. These motherfuckers come in two and three o'clock in the morning. I'm like, man, we had to shoot the other part. What other part? What is y'all, what are they doing? Y'all probably doing it tomorrow. Drama. He was a squid guy. So they were like, y'all are going to have a competition. But this is a real comedy. No, I'm telling you, it's like, some motherfuckers is really on the competition. These other motherfuckers, they don't cut a sad deal with cheap money. They're a reality show. They do the reality show part. That's why it's... I hope you got the jets. Oh, man. Bruh, these motherfuckers might be doing a... They got a whole other thing set up just for them. This whole date about them, everything else just... Yep. Damn. That's the interesting for your head, but read that fine print. But the way they can cut this shit up... Right. To make it look like it's a real competition. They made me the bad person because the white dude said I was the Amorosa. Damn! Just because I backed him up off me. I was not... Did I start anything? I just was not about to let them write that. What are you trying to do? He was trying to boss us all around. We had to do these sketches. He just became our boss. And he was trying to tell us what to do. He was disrespectful. It would have been one of them days. But every time the camera goes off... Every time they cut the camera off, this motherfucker... I'm just like, I'm sorry, man. I just... I'm not... Bruh, it's just... You don't understand, man. It's like... They just start telling some weird random ass story to try to get, like, sympathy. Like, when I was five, my dad... Did they even add a shit? My dad pushed me off the boat. No, they wrote it. But when he was on camera, what would he do? He said he'd push them off the boat. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I'm probably just gonna win because I'm a better comedian than all of you guys. That's on camera. That's what he was saying to us. It's like... I don't even understand why you guys are, like, on here. Yep. Because it's like... My type of comedy is so smart. Yep. If people don't like it, they're just dumb. Yeah? Oh, yes. Who the fuck is this? I was like, is that your ass up, nigga? Yeah, the fuck you talking about. You will see. Yeah. It's okay. I'm smart. You anyway. Yeah, man. And still lost. Still lost. I don't want to see what he's saying when he got it. No way. I guess everybody was... I don't know where he's at. Right on. You guys are shit. Man, who the fuck would be on there, like... Oh, well, I just... Oh, well, I just... I love the comedy and the camaraderie of the comedy game. And as soon as that motherfucker could be by himself, I can't stand these people. I think every last one of them are just... I think they're terrible. Mm-hmm. So this was the first reality TV show ever. No, this is... This is... Yeah. They never told me. They never told me. Did they air it? Yes, they did. Oh, this was old TV. They didn't air all the drama, but they aired the show. That's what I'm saying. They tried to get, like... They want to do some shit. They'll find whatever piss you off and try to make a whole day about that just so they could get your reaction to it. Right. Right. Like, when I... When they found out I didn't like to eat certain shit... That's all they was putting in front of you? That's all they gave me. I would just order them food every day. Like, I ain't... I didn't eat none of these shit. They were giving it to you. Every time they said you didn't want that. We would come to that bitch, it would be... Stuffed mushrooms. Ugh. With bell peppers and uies in that bitch. Like, quiche salad. Bruh, who finna eat this shit instead of salad all day? I used to ask them shit like that. Carlos, you should eat the day. Why? Because we're having chicken. What the fuck that mean? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. You should eat the day we're having chicken. Then the fucking... I will tell you then the next thing you know. These motherfuckers will send somebody over there. Carlos, come here, bro. Yep. Is everything cool? Yeah. You think, Chris? Yeah. You said you totally chewed them out today. Yeah. So it's like, is it cool if I bring Chris over here? Yeah. Because, Chris, come here, bro. Yeah. Should Carlos have something earlier? Is there anything you want to say to him? Is there anything you want to say? Yeah. So if we do this show, nothing's going to happen. Good? All right, good. I like that Jerry thing. Could you... Now they're leaving. Come back ten minutes later. Carlos, listen. Can you sign this just saying that you're cool with working with Chris? Yep. I'm not signing it. Cool, cool. I feel you, bro. I feel you. Go upstairs, get the lawyer and shit. Carlos. Bro, we can't let you film anything else until you sign. Bro, it's just... It's damn, bro. You know, I know. But she was there. I could come on that bitch and not say nothing all day. Yep, he was crying. They still... Hey, man. Carlos, on camera, your energy is really low. Yeah? It's really low. Yeah. So it's... Come on, fuckers, and I'm going to tell you, every day it was something. Carlos, come here. Catch you. Yeah. Your hoodie, your hoodie. It's so dark on camera. Yeah. Could we get you to put, like... Can we get you to put this on? Yeah. Brutal ass shit with nothing on it. These motherfuckers that went shopping for everybody before... the night before. Chate, I won't give my shit. It's literally... I own some new shit. Gucci and Prada and the... This shit got... Nigga, my rat, literally this is... Bro, that's a cold factor. Oh, the Gucci and Prada was with JB. You remember the shit? They had some real shit for us. Yeah. Bro, they had them, yeah. No. Man. And then when we bought our own clothes, they were like, you sure you want to wear that? Every time you bought your own clothes, they were like... Yeah. Well, tonight for the setting, it'll work, but we may have to dye it green. So we may have to dye it. I'm sorry. People understand, don't sit. But do you understand, like, all these minor inconveniences will really make you just be like, they hold up the money. Fuck this shit. You know what? I got to see it. Somebody got to see it. Those reality producers are the devil. They are the devil. Oh, they're what I... I don't fuck with no... What are they? Piece of... Piece of... I'm telling you. No matter who was on that bitch, every day somebody got their day to be the fucking victim. And you know what they did to me? What's that? They took my set and cut it up, cut it up to like a minute and a half, and they would air it. And I made it to the top 10, so everybody was like, she made it to the top 10 on this bullshit because they would not air my whole set. It was really fucked up. Try to make it look like they... Why didn't you show your whole set? They just didn't get it real. There's no reason. You don't understand. That's the shit I hate. That's the thing about it. They have their people. What are you talking about? They have their people for whatever they say is just TV magic. They're going to play their whole time. They're going to get their motherfuckers in the dressing room. I'm so nervous. I don't know what to do. This is the whole episode. So by the time they fucking do this shit, man, they was doing some wow shit on there. They was using other people's lads for other people's jokes and shit. Yes. Yes. That's crazy. You know that one in their life. Tweeting me, asking me if I fucked Keenan Ivey Wayans because Keenan Ivey Wayans was like, come back to me. He basically hit on me on camera. They put that shit on me though. You know the crazy shit for me though? The one out of everything they had. Crazy shit though. That shit when Roseanne was talking about me with the weed. Then we went to that fucking rap party, right? Oh, shoot. We went to the rap party. Roseanne pulled up on me with the biggest bag of weed. It was like, roll us up something champ. Mm-hmm. But they had her on camera looking like this. She was crazy. Right after that shit, that's why all that racist shit happened with her. Oh, let's do this. Man, we got a very special guest in the house with us today. We got a very funny lady, man. This has been one of my great friends since shit. What year was that? 2014. Since Elise. Yeah. Very funny lady, she got about it. All kinds of comedy specials out and shit. Fighting words. Tiffany Haddish, she ready? Come on. Mastery of comedy. Mastery of comedy. I'm on there too. You got all kinds of projects and shit out here. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Ida Rodriguez. Ida Rodriguez. Welcome to the trap. You ain't here with the hood today? Yeah. That's so funny. It's so funny because you know where I come from? Yeah. Where? Miami. What part? Liberty City. Liberty City? Oh, yeah, okay. I grew up in the central part of Miami. My mom lives in Liberty City. I grew up between Liberty City and Overtown. Okay. I thought you were going to say something like Park and Beans, but... Well, the Park and Beans are Liberty City. See, that's what I'm saying, but... I don't live there, though. No. I lived in a regular building, but it might as well have been. There's an R&B group called Liberty City back in the day. I used to rob a good lady. Who? There's an R&B group called Liberty City back in the day. I was from down there. They got a song called Who You Love It Now. That shit, J. You know what I'm talking about? She go out. She go listen to music? No, back then. No, he was thinking Aquiat earlier. He was thinking one of the hood, hood, hood, hood girls before. I thought he was musically inclined. Yeah, he was. I'm doing it. I will always be there for you. There are the song they sample. Yeah, you ain't twin sample with a... Bedroom. Bedroom moment. Yeah. I didn't even find all that music. I just be listening. That shit crazy. That's it. It's listening. Look at what he's like to me. I called a contact high. All right. I know. I've been here for a while. Who keychain? Yeah, we were. They don't keychain. For your old nigga, man. No, I got too many calls. I'd never be able to figure out. But they keychain right there. But they never my first keychain. It'll be like... Yeah. Number one. Number one. Number one. Number one. Number one. Number one. Number one. Number one. Number one. Number one. Yeah. Chico got the biggest motherfucking truck. Who? This nigga's truck. This nigga's a shrapagin' when he call. He be actin' like he don't get a call. You got a ram, right? What you got? Pitch 800. Learn me. What you want? You got the uh... I love those guys. You got the uh... The T-Ray moment. Yeah, it's big like that. He got a big ass truck. So I got a question for y'all. Okay. When I was coming here, everybody was like, be careful. Atlanta is dangerous. It is. It is. Everywhere is dangerous. Right. They're wrong. But Atlanta got a shitty crammed up. No, they's robin' people. They'll rob you up if they don't break your head. She like that. They're robin' people on Melrose. They say Melrose. They like Beverly Hills. That's what I'm sayin'. Atlanta got a lot of inconvenient ass crams. Cocked in the ass. Motherfuckers are still you're coatin' your shirt. No. All right, this stupid shit. These fans. They just take all your lugging us off your coat. No, no. They stole somebody's shoes off of their feet on Melrose a couple of weeks ago. I believe it. You took their jays off their feet. I've seen a nigga took a nigga girl from him. Literally. Come here. She went with him. Give me your number. Oh, shit. Yeah. Atlanta got petticoat crammed. Motherfuckers, you know how you grew up with fast food, and then you might stop and get some gas on the way home and tell them shit. That's still your food out the car. Oh, that makes somebody hungry. They eat a wing and throw a bone back in there. Yeah, that's shit crap. No, but there's some bullshit goin' on too. You have to be shot out of the hood. You walk up to your car coming out the gas station and pay for your gas. It's a nigga in your door. Eat your wings. I just got two. You killed the right boy. I wasn't gonna take the whole thing. Oh, boy. These ain't yours. We stole a lot of wood from this. This ain't yours. No, this is... No. No, but you're straight, though. No, I'm not worried. Yeah. You just gotta act like you from down here. That's the whole thing. Like, we can't even tell you who from down here. Welcome to Florida State. And I used to be... My baby daddy is from Griffin. Oh, from Griffin. Oh, yeah. You got country in you. What's up? Literally. You got country. Griffin, you're a... Ain't nothing but the sun and the dirt. Yep. You caught it. But what was the idea? What made you get into comedy? You know what I mean? I always wanted to do it. Really? Yeah, you know, I'm not one of those on comedians. Like, people never believe I'm a comic until they see me on stage. But I've always wanted to do comedy. I love Richard Pryor. When I was little, I used to watch him. And I always said I wanted to do it. And when I got to L.A., Chris Spencer pushed me on stage. And it was like, you were a comic. That's the OG too. And then, you know, my mentor is Corey Holcomb. That's the day. That's the OG right here. That's Chris. So, he likes Carlos. He thinks Carlos is funny. That nigga, Corey, is one of the funniest niggas ever. It ain't too many people I like to watch in person. I'd be like, I want to see him do it. Because I know he's been amazing. I love when he's been amazing. And I want to get some new shit. He's been a minute because you know he's going to say some new shit. Yeah, he walks people all the time. It's interesting to watch who gets mad at what Corey says. He had a fight with audience members in DC. In DC, I remember that. Yeah, they got mad at him. Jesus was a side baby joke. And they got upset. And they ended up in a fight. I love watching that. He's brilliant though. He's one of my favorite comedians. Yeah, he always been one of them ones that can just like... He can tell a joke, but he can tell it. Captivated. What? And he had to tell you a whole goddamn story. But that motherfucker had just some of the smartest, quickest goddamn straight to the whole room for him to be laughing. This is the thing about Corey too though, man. It's like people watch the jokes and they just see like... They get this perception of him. But Corey was one of the most humble, realest-nigger, depth-wood that you will ever come in. And you're like, don't nobody ever say that about these niggas. Yeah, he is a good person. All the way. He's the first person that ever paid me to do a show. First person that ever put me on a plane to do comedy. First person that ever paid me over $100 to tell a joke. It was Corey Hopper, man. It took me out there to Addison and Pryde with him. Let me open up for him. Shout out to the OG, man. But you know the funny thing about Corey though, it's like he'll hear us saying this good shit about him and be like, man, that old puss ass shit. Yeah, he will laugh. He'll laugh at it though. Only having these motherfuckers thinking I'm one of these puss ass niggas. Yeah, he'll be like, stop. What about all that good shit? One of the most interesting things to watch about Corey is that you'll see him go up after all these comedians who are up here. Uh-huh. And he'll get on a plane. And he'll get on the stage and just stand there with his drink and bring everybody to him. Perfect. No, he don't ever raise his voice. He does not ever get excitable. He's so brilliant. It's really awesome to watch him. Y'all want me to come up here and do all they've got there? Yeah. Give it up for the ladies. Oh, shit. Yeah, he's... So my comedy is very confrontational and he feeds that. I'll tell him a joke and he'll be like, uh-uh, you can go deeper. You can go further. You can go uglier. Because he said they don't expect that from you. So take it there. And I think that it's created a monster now because now I'm really confrontational on stage. And now people walk out of my shows and that feels good. Because Paul Mooney used to tell me until a motherfucker walked out to a show, you're not a real comedy. Yeah. I mean, I've never had the pleasure of punching somebody in the face. I mean, I know. I mean, I had a win for Camille's everywhere. And I was like, yeah, she got to do the ultimate. Cleen always talking to me out of... Well, Cleen. But you, but Nilo, you had a scuffle in the club one time and put a dick on your head. You said what? I said, every time I wanted to hit a motherfucker, you be like, man, come on. It's not worth it. Cleen, let me call. I don't do that shit. And I see the niggas they came with and they nodding and they do it. For what was this shit going to do, bro? I don't know. It's going to make me feel better eventually. Look out. Some point. Some point. Because these niggas have been a tell-tale. Yeah. They don't think it's a tell-tale. They don't think it's a tell-tale. They don't think it's a tell-tale. They're shooting this suit. Look at what. Take a look at him. Shoot this suit. When the niggas laid out after the fact, the niggas, he been fine until you leave and he laid out. What the fuck? It's like Brisa Key, you said. Hello. And not to hit your threshold. I'd like to call it an assault. If you attacked me, I would be forced to defend myself. What's the grass you? What are you going to call it? I'd like to call it an assault. Then he can lay it down like he was on the roof. He's screaming for no reason. Ow! Ow! He's got a room! He's got a room. I want to call it an assault. He hit me. Oh my God. Smile when you laugh. He's stupid, bro. He was talking shit. That shit ain't shit, but I fuck you. Man, you getting sued, man. Bro, that's why I was glad that Cardi B wanted that lawsuit. Because now it's like, my workers keep suing you and then they end up getting sued. They don't know court fees and lawyer fees. That shit cold. You trying to sue me because you got your hands on me. Wait a minute. You ain't eat that piece of that you said was so good. It ain't good. It ain't good. It ain't good like you said it was. Yes, I did. What's the verdict? It ain't better. It depends on what we got it for. Three $0s, I already made it. And I ate two halves, which was a whole piece. So technically, I did. You see how he did all that? You didn't like that shit. That looked like pieces that kids don't like done. What's up? You want an earl? Exactly. We'll end up earling. We talked all this shit earling. That shit ain't hitting no shit. And I'm throwing the fuck up. I'm trying to take that. That's the bite that's going to do it. Turn that shit down. Turn my EA two halves. That's the bite that's going to fuck you up. That's the bite that's going to fuck you up. It's got a spongebob. That piece that they had in 1994. Everything after that shit. It's sad where we got a goldware. They be closed by a family full of her. That shit is not good. It's not good. It's delicious. It's delicious. I think I should take another bite. That shit is not the business. You put it down. You don't want to shit no more. You got to keep taking bites. Then you got to spit this shit out of it. That's where you cry. Boy. Yeah, you talked about all that shit. That shit ain't hitting on nothing. I had three Dumbledore pieces already, buddy. It don't matter. And that shit, they're like, she's a Dumbledore piece. What you want me to do? I thought that was the best. I ain't got pieces already. You can eat that frozen ass shit if you want to. I'm full. Dumbledore pieces made with real ingredients. What is stupid, buddy? They don't have ingredients. Nigga, they got toppings. No toppings. Domino's got ingredients, nigga. I thought ingredients went inside. Nope. Anything could be ingredients, nigga. No, ingredients is what make up the sauce. No, no. It's all here. Yo, we want it. We want it. We want it, guys. You want a piece of it? You know? Get a cup of it. No. You two have it. Put these bluffs out for the next 15 minutes. I'm scared. Yo, I had a real hash. You're going to start speaking Spanish now. A little bit, bro. I want to hear it. I'm there. We'll be cool. You need to speak Spanish. I do. What if she did the rest of this interview in Spanish? We need that. You be fucked up. Come on, say you have my mom. Come on, you have my wife. What do you want me to say in Spanish? Shit, you said too much. No, I'm not. I thought you were going to give me your name. No, no, no. They put a really Spanish name. How you say DC didn't really like that piece of hers? DC no le gustola pisa. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Fuck it. No, no, my man. It was delicious. Delicious your soul. DC's your soul. That's too funny. I think I should just have another bite of pizza. I always hear people say, you know, talk about the struggle between female comedian and how difficult it is in the game. You know, there's male dominated. Yeah, it is about three different minorities. Well, you know what? Yes, yes, but I think when you come from where I come from, nothing is going to keep me from going where I got to go. So I've had people, you know, say the only way, the only way I could go on the road with them is if I stayed in their room with them. I've had comedians fly me out to work with them and then it tried to fuck me. And when I'm like, no, I have to fly myself home. But I'm better than them in comedy. So I'm, you know, I'm good. You're better than human beings, too, don't you? Yeah, yeah, but it happens all the time. And I think it happens in all fields and women have to just, when you decide to be a comedian, you got to be a comedian. And I can't be a victim in comedy. It's just, it's not going to change overnight and it's not going to change for me. So what Corey told me was, write better than them. Be better than them and let them, let them fuck with you like that. It doesn't matter. You're going to always, now they call me and ask me if they can open for me. The same dudes. Yes, one of them. Oh, yeah. You think you got a little, you got a smith in the car. I know what you're looking for. You know how to do a skit. You know how to do a skit. That's an old dude. An old dude. Let me do a little skit, Corey. You got five minutes. You got a little skit. I just want to put you in a skit. Hey, I got this joke for you. Oh, my God. That's the life of a woman comedian is everybody got a joke for you. Let me write for you. Let me tell you how to do this. You should say this all the time. Because men that are like that want you to perform per their perception. They want you to be who they want you to be as a woman and not as a comedian. And it happens all the time. But to me, the hottest pen will always win. It's all about just writing. Let's go. Let's go. Go out there and get those jokes off, man. So don't forget them off. I could be funny. And I ghost write for some comedians that I'm in. So I know that I'm a good writer. So what's your thinking process of writing? Because that's what I'm in the game at. And now I'm like, I want to go back to the drawing board. And I want to sit down. And I want to go rewrite some shit. I want to go write. Get it together all over again. What story you want to tell? When you prepare, for me, every set is a story. And you feed the story with the jokes. But what is it that you're trying to say? Somebody like you has to come twice as hard because they don't expect you. The expectation of you is not. Because you have visibility. You have fame already. You know, you batch stuff. You got to prove yourself more. And you know that I'm not trying to shit on you. So you've got to come back and say, this is a story I've got to tell. Where are you from? It's very important. Because a lot of people don't know really where you're from. You just emerged and became this sensation that everybody became fascinated with. But they don't know your backstory. So when you punch somebody in the face and they realize you ain't no punk. They know you come from somewhere real. They should know about that. And so for me, I think personally I would start with origin story because I think it's important for people to understand where you come from because then they understand why you think the way you think. And like where I come from, I grew up on wig food stamps. You know, I grew up around drug addicts. I think those people- The enemy just made me want some king vitamin. Ooh! Yes! With the little cars and milk. The kicks and couples. Those people deserve their stories to be told. And when we get in this comedy game around these white people, they'll start saying oh that's that ghetto comedy. That's that urban comedy. That's why you gotta write some jokes for the white people too, man. You gotta go into the whole- So what? You know what I mean? As a writer, do you think- Which one do you enjoy more? I was actually doing- I was with my co-stress this morning and I was going up and just seeing what you can come up with on stage. Like- I do both. I enjoy it like you said when we met in LA or when you saw- Oh my God, you went on that stage in the belly room. And just went in on all the comedians. Yeah, you know what I mean? For me that was what happened when I walked in- And dressed nice. When I walked in nobody spoke to me. Except for one dude and he knew I would have said something to him if he didn't speak to me but I wasn't tripping off everybody else. But that's what I was talking about because when I got on stage everybody was like oh Jiko, man, nice to meet you. I'm like what the fuck you niggas ain't saying that when I first came in. They couldn't remember you. Like- So competitive. Yeah. You were in LA too. Yeah. All the way. I was in the belly room. Then she go- Choco. Yeah. Cocoa Loan. That's Cocoa Bean I think his name is. Yeah, it's Cocoa Bean. Lime and Dean. Thank you. Just being out there that's what I always said. Hey, Beanie Beenerson. Aren't you? I have a theory. Beanie Beenerson. Beanie Beenerson. Beanie Beenerson. Most people that you meet in the LA area are hungry. It's literally- It's my theory. Physically hungry. Not hungry for success. Hungry for a meal. I ain't eat today. It's a lot of I ain't eat today. You can't get caught up in the mix. You have to go out there and work. But it's hard when you're in the entertainment industry because you go out there. It's hard when you're still in LA. I mean that's what I'm talking about. Out there specifically. Corey, speaking of Corey. He was one of the dudes that gave me the game. We were staying out in front of Worcester Club that's right by the Roscos. The comedy. Oh, the comedy union. Yeah. So we outside of the union and you know they having like a little who's the funniest nigga in front of the club session that they have out there. Of course. And you know I'm just out there just waiting to go. I was going to audition for something to do say something to me and I just kind of brush it off and another comedian was like oh, you just going to the nigga talk about you like that? Man, I don't know this nigga or you. Corey came up as that was happening and pulled me to the side and said let me tell you something about out here man. Let these niggas just talk. He said because once it's over if you stay long enough you go see a nigga looking around and just start walking down the street. He said his niggas ain't got no friends out here man. You know what I mean? Don't even get caught up in this shit. Do your thing. That'd be the funniest shit though. Them awkward ass people don't it's just like we'll be talking just like now and then just split up. Just walk off. Yeah. Don't even say nothing. Yeah. Just walk down the street. Competing for one spot because they have let these white people convince them that there's only one spot at the top. And if you understand economics then you know that that's not the case. You know that if there is an Amy Schumer and a Whitney Cummings and a Nikki Glazer I don't know. But they're all eating right? They're all making money and there's room for all of them just like there was a Dane Cook and I mean there are multiple white comedians who make money but they've convinced the people of color to believe. It's only one time. There's only one. I gotta fight each other. And then everybody else is scrapping at the bottom instead of focusing on how, what you did. He left last comic standing. He created a following. He made a mark at the clubs and people were, he's undeniable. So it doesn't matter like, it doesn't matter what they say. They know when he goes to a club people are going to be in the seats. But people are not focused on that. They're so busy trying to topple each other and be everybody else instead of being themselves and everybody's miserable because if you think there's only room for one person at the top you're going to be miserable all day long because Kevin Hart ain't going nowhere no time soon. You know what I'm saying? You wait for a follow up. I'm an artist. I have no desire to ascend into celebrity culture. They goofy to me because of where I come from loyalty is more important than love. So for me, I don't fuck with those people. Me and him bonded during last comic standing and it was me and him against the world because I don't come from that. I'm a true artist. All I want to do is create and for me, God always takes care of me. I'm always fine. I'm never struggling. I'm never... But I don't participate in that. For me it's just about the art the integrity of the art because if you're good they will come. You know what I'm saying? Clayton knows. Clayton is one of those people that those white comedians be like he's really smart like he's really funny. Like they love to... But they wouldn't say that about everybody. Like, that's smart because oh, he knows about that. Yeah, they do that too. He's not supposed to know that. How did you know? Yeah. How did you find that book? Little bitch, what you mean? I didn't know a lot of random ass shit. That's good shit though. Yeah. I don't know what the fuck he be studying. Encyclopedia. Might as well be the right shit, life lessons. Yeah. Like that Slumdog Millionaire. I just know the right answers at the right time, sometimes. Yeah. You'd be knowing some shit though. But it doesn't matter where we come from, we're just as smart as anybody else and we're still here. We're always thinking about the hypothetical white people who black people think exist. What if with some of this shit, like white people can't even take credit for it? Like that's so not us, bro. But whatever. And they know that shit too. Dude, we have nothing to do with education, bro. It's just so not us, bro. Like we're in charge of like racism and that's it, bro. Like all these other industries. These industries about racism and that's it, bro. That's capitalism. We don't even like it, bro. Racism is bad, but you like it as you like it. Capitalism is like racism. On steroids. Yeah. It's racism. It's not me, bro. It's the same white people holding me back too, man. I don't have as much shit as you think I am. I mean, I'm white, but I'm not like white. White. But that's true though. But those people don't know it. Man. Like that's the truth. That's actually facts, but they don't know that they're being held by the same people that are holding us down. It's the same. Because they think that one day the white, the right white people gonna see them and be like, dude, you're not in yet? Why didn't you say so? Yeah. We thought we were doing a, you mean a temperature of poor white people ever? Yeah. This is injustice. We can't stand this. You think they don't go scoop you up and be like, there you go. We're waiting for you to come along. Dude, you're not in yet. You should have said that at the convention. Like what if the white person is that evil and he like sent out reparations through some niggas at night. They were supposed to distribute it, but they just kept all the money. They probably could. They're the hot niggas here. Like what if they always picked just one nigga that everybody would like and be like, make him a billionaire. See if he helps his people. Ah. You don't think that already happened? They'd rather keep them scored. We're up and we're summing it up. I mean, we've given the resources away. We're going to give what they give to each other. Maybe gave it to them right here. They gave it to nobody who all the way to one. Absolutely, because we got them. What if they gave all the reparations to Oprah and she was supposed to pass them out. In Tyler Perry, what if they gave it? I'm like, all right. OK. Oprah, come to the bed. OK, OK. Tyler Perry Tyler Perry He gon' do the right thing. He gon' do it with a little bit! He did a little bit. He bought that studio deal. We got Claymore there. We can't say anything. he did it he's doing it cut that out cut it out we didn't do it cut that out boy we gone for another one jc they were like they fucked with ho h2t is up he did it he started he's not legit he did it We did it before, I mean we did it before. This nigga went home to school. Did he know it? Did he know it? Shoot, we're supposed to do it. Oh, did he damn sure didn't do it? Did he do it? What did he do? Did he do it? Did he do it? What did he do? Roy Mayweather. What? My brother did it. He did it in the school in Africa. They don't count. We just don't see it. They don't count. They do? No, they don't. Maybe that's the thing. They don't count. Maybe the rule is you can spend as much of this money as you want to on your people. We just can't nobody ever find out about it. We see, we need JZ because he political. Can't nobody ever get this new, if the news get out that you doing all this good shit, we're going to take all your bread. But LeBron's not a billionaire. So keep it out of the table. LeBron's a billionaire? Yeah, yeah. He will be. He's close. He's not a lot. He's got a lot of time to contract. He's got a lot of time. I know that's not going to lie, just because it's not being televised. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. We know for a fact that all these people that we name are definitely doing shit. What if they're doing some shit? They're going to do GK. That's crazy. A little bit by a little bit, they're scared to do something major all at once. Of course. I mean, anybody who comes for capitalism in America gets murdered. Yep. Right. Because you know Martin Luther King was fine until he started talking about capitalism. That's when they killed him. God damn, I shouldn't have never brought it up. Fred Hammond, you know, he was 21 and they killed him because he knew exactly what the problem was and they took him out early before he even became. So, that's the problem. You could talk about, you could talk about racism your whole life. Look, Jesse Jackson is still alive. But the minute you start talking about their money, that's when they come for you. Probably a phone that rings somewhere with a white man. Hello, Martin. What do you say? Hello? Is it who? Don't drink Coca-Cola. We're on the way. Who's the thing that's going to drink then? No, man. What? What's your favorite place to perform? New York. What? The audiences are not forgiving. If you're not funny, they will let you know. If you make them laugh in New York, you go to Carolines and then you know you funny. I like performing in places where there's balance. I don't like performing where there's all white people. There has to be us because we don't laugh easy. But if we laugh, we laugh for real. Yeah. You know, white people will be like, oh, that's funny. That's so clever. But that's not a laugh. I want to see you laugh. Ha! Do another one. Tons of people take some kind of multivitamin and it's important to choose one with high quality ingredients that your body will actually absorb. Right now it's time to reclaim your health and arm your immune system with convenient daily nutrition. It's just one scoop and a cup of water every day. That's it. 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That's like one of them jokes that you can tell that were funny to somebody and then they enjoyed that joke. They were like, whoo! Yeah. Yeah. You don't call a cup of love. Yeah, I know. Absolutely. But. Not just claps. The claps without the laugh is. Those are performance claps. That's good. That's like when you do your dismount and they give you, they clap it for the execution. Oh my God. That was so good. I never saw it coming. It tricked me. Right. Where does that voice come from? I don't know. I do a lot of voices. The last time I was standing, applause breaks were hilarious. I know. Because those were the weirdest people, man. They was just bringing me out of the bus. They were laughing around the weirdest times. Them people. What you mean, man? Good night, everybody. Because these were some different kinds of drinks. These are why people drink milk for dinner. Yeah. There were parts of my jokes where people would laugh and I would be like, that's funny. I didn't know that. That was not the punchline. Yeah. But it was. They were laughing at the way I looked. Did you really say it? Because you're a dog. You're like, y'all are actually a dog. You're a TV audience's dog. We say dog. We say a dog. Yeah. He called a dog. Did you really say it? He said ketchup. We say ketchup. He said ketchup. Hey, Carlos, you won't smoke. Ketchup. What did you call it? What did you call it? What did you call it? We call it ketchup. The animal. What did you call it? Oh, he said it's a dog. We say dog, right? Dog. Dog. We all say dog. Say it again. Dog. Hey, what's up, it's me, Carlos Millan. I'm here to tell you that. 45 South Shore is coming to Savannah, Georgia. July the 3rd. That's right. Get on, ladies. Unfinished business tour. She keeps smiling at me, showing me them guns and licking her tongue out. Oh, auntie. Hell nah, auntie. Me, Chico, DC, the whole gang. Get tickets at 85SouthShow.com. That's right. 85SouthShow.com. That's where the tickets are. So that's where you need to be. Let me say it again. The 85 South Show is coming to Savannah, Georgia. July the 3rd. You know I'm going to lose me. Get the tickets. Get the website. 85SouthShow.com. That's why I've been looking at some of the flyers for the LA shows. And I be like, this is... They look like hell to me. They got everybody you can think of on these damn flyers. Oh my gosh, the flyers. You ever see some of these flyers and you're like, who is putting these fucking shows together? And they going to, people going to watch the show. Oh my God. Well, right now, because everything was locked down, so now everybody's clamoring for comedy because they need to find out that... It's just the five of the most random as people you can think of. They were trying to do diversity, right? Fuck diversity. Everything don't need to be diverse. But that's what happened. They would do... Fuck diversity. And then put you and a gay person and they'd be like, hey, we got it. Fuck diversity. But the shows would not have a... Well, we want to carry it to everybody not coming to the show. That's the thing about diversity. You can accommodate for motherfuckers who are not there. Just in case. Right. Well, put funny first. That's why I like this side. This side of the country just feel like it's funny first. On the east coast to south. Like, if you're funny, you're going to get put on to something. Somebody else. It's easier to tool on the east coast. Out there, they don't care about funny. They want to know what else you got going on. What you doing? How hot is y'all right now? They script you to roll. But that's just not late though. Can you see them? Can you see them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go to San Francisco. San Francisco is a good comedy market. They don't play that shit out there. See, that's the thing about comedy though. It's like, it's no right or wrong way to do this shit. All this shit is supposed to be different. Yeah. It's supposed to be different. And it's like, you can't be catering to what you think comedy is, bro. That's what makes the show dope. It's like, everybody don't need to be on the same. Oh, I wrote this shit. I wrote this. I wrote this. Look how good I can remember. And perform this shit. It's like, if you watch a comedy show, nigga, all these motherfuckers who come up there are supposed to be different in some aspect. And it's like, we losing the nuances of comedy, bro. We losing motherfuckers who tell jokes with the mic stand. Motherfuckers don't tell jokes from the side no more. It's like, everybody doing their fucking best version of comedian. That's what we, when we were judging that show, it was those comics that were going up there doing what they're, you know, like, you'll see a comedian grab a drink and then they'll slur their speech like some of the comedians used to do back in the day. But you know, it's not real. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like you see them embodying somebody else. Right. And that's why they, you know, like, I'ma be me. I don't have to be anybody else. I don't have to walk around tap dancing for jokes. It's just not my personality, right? It's just who I am. But I'll see somebody else. And I just saw somebody do me on stage and it was amazing to watch because they weren't getting no laughs and I was like, because you're not being yourself. You can't be me. You say be you. You mean actually doing your material? Yeah. No, not doing my material, but doing my style of comedy in a way. Because I know it's a person who watches me all the time. Yeah. Man, you know your shit when you see it. Yeah. Motherfuckers ain't got to be saying what you're saying verbatim, but they trying to tell, they trying to do that shit like you. Yeah, I wasn't thinking like that. They using your verbiage, because you went out your way to put different verbiage in this bitch. Yeah. Like if I could go in the club and I could do a motherfucking rhinoceros joke and I been knowing you ain't got no rhinoceros joke. The next time I see you, you talking about elephants. Yeah. Nigga, you ain't talking about rhinoceros, but Nigga, when you start talking about elephants. Yeah. Nigga, you, that's when you really only nigga nuance. Right. Yeah. When you talk like a mother, you want to say the shit that you heard them say. Right. Like you take a nigga tag and just be like, oh, this just, that's how people talk. No, it's not. Right. Where you get it from? Right. Right. You know, you already know. And it's just, it doesn't work. That's the thing is when you do, like I've seen people try to do Corey Hokemon stage and you just be like, oh, that doesn't work for you. Nobody believes you have a side bitch. So you can't even start there. Right. And we don't believe you. You ain't got no heart. No, no, we don't believe, we don't believe you got a man. You got no heart. You got no side bitch. You know what I'm saying? So, and then you watch the people do it and it just, it's really sad to watch because you're going to, you're going to burn out because you can't do somebody else for a long time. Eventually you got to, because you're going to follow me around and see what I do all the time. Yeah, that's what, that's what D-Ray told me one time. He said, they always restricted to whatever you think if they doing you. So let them have that shit because you're going to think about something else but they're going to be waiting on you to think of it before they can do anything. That's another one who's been doing his, he's been doing him forever. Right. And now everybody caught up to him because at first he was too cute to do comedy or he got the green eyes. I feel like anybody could learn confidence from D-Ray. Oh, absolutely. That nigga love the fuck out of himself. Yep. Okay. That's absolutely right. He was the first, he was the first mother to took me on the road besides the OGs when I first got on he was like, come on the road with me. Let me show you how this shit go. Woo, woo, woo. And before you know it Tiffany Hatch was on the show with us and six months later she blew. To my literally like blew and it was just like fun to see her even transition and go crazy but now I already respect D-Ray because he was one of the first ones that brought me on the road and you know what I mean showed me the ropes of this shit. Yeah. When I was on, I was on the Shack All-Star Tour and D-Ray was my keeper like D-Ray was be the one to be like, come here because you know what on that tour I had to prove myself because it's Michael Blackson Tony Roberts D-Ray Tommy Davidson and I would be the only woman every week and earthquake and every week I would have to prove myself and they would, they would test me. They would, they haze me and D-Ray would always be the one that was like doing that now since you come from that type of background where people kind of grew on you that you do that with being in LA I know you see so many people that do comedy that you reach out and say, okay I see something and you come here and let me give you some advice to help you out. Well me and Tiffany that was our pact me and Tiffany always there because Tiffany was my mentor because she was doing comedy longer than me but we always that was our thing when I did last we did last comic standing Tiffany was on a show called Funniest Wins on TBS That was at the same time we both were like whoever goes first throws a rope back but we always we our click has always been look out for somebody else because we not envious hater as bitches you know what I'm saying we have confidence in ourselves that we don't have to hate on other women or other people and it's very hard to navigate in a business where people who hate themselves are around you because jealousy is self-hate and so she and I have never been like that she would call me and be like bitch you made it to the top 10 like we always had this thing with each other and we always said we were going to help other people and she's still doing it like you still when we did they ready Tiffany just had become a star like she didn't really have time to do that she still wasn't cemented in the game you know like and she still said fuck that I'm going to make sure y'all do it and I'm going to make sure they pay y'all like they pay white men and she made sure that we did and she took a pay cut so that she could give us they ready but she wasn't even she still hadn't even done her own Netflix special ours came out first and then hers came out but we always been like that you know we always and I don't understand why you can't be like that especially black and brown people that's the only way we go forward is if we have solidarity if we keep up with this hating ass shit we eat it we eat it ourselves we don't people was over there like man we're going to get some more black people over here man I mean it's cool but we need a few more friends more friends yeah friends what else do we have to do man I want some chillin's home that's all funny because you know in Miami there's some cornbread too black and brown people that's a totally different life my high school was 49% black and 51% Hispanic we didn't have no white people right so it's so funny it was like culture shock when you go to L.A. and then they the black people and the Latinos hate each other and we're like what the fuck that's great cause when they come over here they be like they love the the unity they be like when you see why you be like okay they love it when it's out here out there we don't do that shit for culture too strong out there for them they'll never be able to get past that shit it's the gang culture it's just that shit all the way yeah it comes from the prisons over there so they have that separation cause they all at war that shit been going on for a long time somebody's grandma street name is Puppet happy happy Puppet somebody spider is somebody's grandfather now with a tattoo he got a soft spot for a little black and brown baby you say dog that's the only thing that's gonna cure racism is black grinch that's God's punishment for the most racist people that's what they said um black grinch yeah you been in the grocery store and heard those white ladies giving them speeches this is my little grand baby it's a black boy and I love him just like he's a regular boy what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck I got black grinch children and I got black grinch I'm getting in the band and sleeping with them all every last month we don't see no color in this family they're daddies and black men these are police officers these are pretty good black dude I wish everybody would just stop all this you started this shit all of them 2045 though they said by 2045 what everybody brought up the majority of people will be black and brown that's why people that's the thing that's why these white supremacists are losing their minds right now they're not and you don't have what the fuck white people these white people I remember everyone 61 no it's gonna be so many motherfuckers into a bridge that they ain't gonna have no choice cause these new generations don't give a fuck about that bullshit we don't intermingle we don't but we still forgot Europe now there's a lot of shit I saw a clip on the internet with this little white girl out front of the high school she said I'm so glad that years ago the first black man Martin Luther King ended slavery because without that people would be getting whipped right now I was just like hey get off the mic but bro hey hey get off the mic but the reality is they don't have a connection and none of that shit was stopped remember it didn't take them a little something he had a little racism bro he says okay but get your ass on that cat well she was like people would be getting whipped right with the hey hey get off the mic baby come on if it wasn't for Martin Luther King the first black man Martin Luther King ended slavery damn man damn and they just let you know how far her shit go back shit kids they learn about it now they don't even teach it and they try to take it out they try to take it out they don't want you to know what curriculum that is in I wonder if a racist white man ever seen a black one with a fat ass and is like dude I'm out bro is she your fucking ass what bro what the fuck is wrong with you this shit was cool this shit was cool people said I don't get it that ain't never affected fucking motherfuckers be racist and hate motherfuckers and still for I don't know why that's the default setting for I'm okay I'm okay with with black people I date black dudes yeah but you make them wear a little goddamn dress up this is the time yeah you make them wear little this nigga dressed in a tuxedo with shit in the off the power right no man he said niggas there was a man fuck that man this was a fascination with blackness that's not man that's not the reason I had to leave the part alone oh my god I can imagine all you know the racism men here for what is this about what is this about get a bitch who dropped out dick and eats watermelon. Right. It'd be that type of shit. You fucks a whore through Hot Cheeto Bag. Big Titty GD bitch fucks a white man at work, man. What is it? You fucks a whore through Hot Cheeto Bag. Big Titty GD student. What the fuck's up? It's a shit full of rages as hell. The Big Titty GD student fucks a white man at work. Yeah, that fucking ain't got nothing to do with racism. Yeah, she can still be primitive. Right. It's been, well, I mean, the fascination with it has started during slavery. And it's funny how all them girls in L.A., all the white girls got big lips. Come on, some of them. Who they want to be? Who they want to be? Who they want to be? Who they want to be? And they go to the tanning booth? Like, it's amazing. They want to get their skin darker. You look at who you want to be. Look at Kim Kardashian's last magazine. They said she was channeling her inner black woman. What inner black woman? Let that black lady out. Have you got a black woman trapped in you? Let her come home. Who gonna be the black woman that come out and say she channeling her inner white woman? I don't even think you can say that publicly, to be honest. I was trapped in Kim Kardashian for two years. You'll get crucified in a moment because you're inner Jennifer Aniston. I'm fucking looking at you crazy. But it's like nobody wants to channel better. I don't even know the black people that give a fuck enough about... I don't feel like black people give a fuck enough to even be racist. You can't be racist if you're black. It's impossible. A lot of people say that, but this is an argument on both sides. I mean, let's just look at what you're talking about. We can be bigots. We can be friends. We can be bigots. We can be friends. We can't be racist. It's a mean motherfucker out there to be... I be like, bro, look, bro, leave that motherfucker alone. His folk probably did something to our folk. But leave him alone now, bro. They got to get it every time. You feel him? You be like, bro, you trippin'. Channel your energy somewhere the fuck else. First off, we ain't... When the water pops off, I'm gonna need you to do it. If you ain't feeling no fucking harm, then you can shut your anger in. The people in the woods with the guns. I just wonder how much racism has affected the quality of my life. You know what I'm saying? That was a question. Well, back then, you know, I wonder how I'm directly affected by this shit. Like, if I wasn't this directly affected by local racism, what I could have possibly have been exposed to? Back then? Shit, right now. Like, I was born in the 80s, right? And we know for a fact that in the 80s, in the projects, everybody was exposed to lead paint and lead windows and asbestos and lead in the water and mercury and all types of shit. We know this is for a fact. We know this is for a fact. You get what I'm saying? Like, I wonder how much this shit, like you was talking about wicking, all that shit. Like water and flint. At some point of our life, we're going to find out that these things were not good for us in the long term. We didn't find that out. That was so... What if we fuck around and find out that you made the little shit before you make the Kool-Aid head glass in it or something? We don't know what the fuck the long-term effect is going to be of the shit that we've been exposed to. We don't know. In 10 years, more fucking years might start falling off from using iPhones and shit. They ain't never really drank water, nigga, some crazy shit like that. Exactly. Washing the type of head last time coming out. 66% of Tesla owners have cancer now. If you are anyone that you love has owned a Tesla from 1999 to 2020, you may be in competition with Large Love Summercash for real. I just heard them folks saying Zantac is on a trip, right? If you took Zantac, I was just glad it was awesome. Nah, they still showing Zantac commercial. If you've ever had an Archdeluck super-sized when it was 39 cents, please call this number immediately. You already know that. Archdeluck with the round bacon? If you ate a McRib from 2005 to 2026, please call this number and contact your local poison center. What was that Canadian bacon on it? Niggi, it wasn't Canadian bacon, it was some hickory bacon, but it was a circle. It was some round bacon in that shit. Archdeluck's, I don't even remember that one. You don't remember the Archdeluck's? They made a sandwich that was targeted for grown people. Where was that? McDonald's. They had an adult sandwich. It was supposed to be like a quarter-pounder-type Big Mac minus the Mac sauce. It was like an adult sandwich with everything. Not just a ketchup mustard burger, it was like mayo, lettuce, tomato. They had this different, that's when a different bread started. I never ate a McRib sandwich. I ain't no McRib fan, that's this guy. That Michael Jordan sandwich they had. Yeah. What was the Michael Jordan sandwich? I think it was just a quarter-pounder with some bacon and some barbecue sauce. I'll make that bitch to this day. Give me some bacon and barbecue sauce. If I go to McDonald's, I don't go. You stay at Eat Bowl? If I'm forced to? I eat Bowl. There's no shame in it. You eat Bowl? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know a pig ain't you if you don't eat that? Boy, I punch shit out of there. I punch shit out of there. That's the living there rhetorical question. Come here. You eat pork. Well, what? Come here, po-mo. That's because you don't want to eat a knife. Stop eating pork. McDonald's had a rat. What po-bee do you? Hey, what's up? It's Carlos Miller, Memorial Day Just Pass, which means summer is here. If you want to be ready and standing at attention when the time is right, blue chew can help. That's right. This episode is sponsored by Blue Chew. Blue Chew is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Seattle's. But in chewable tablets and at a fraction of the cost. The process is simple. Sign up at BlueChew.com. Consult with one of the licensed medical providers. And once you approve, you'll receive your prescription within days. You can take them anytime, day or night, so you can plan ahead or be ready whenever an opportunity arises. The best part is all done online, so no visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy. So if you can benefit from some extra confidence when it's time to perform, Blue Chew can help. And we've got a special deal for all our listeners. Try Blue Chew for free. When you use our promo code 85South at checkout. Just pay $5 shipping. It's BlueChew.com, promo code 85South to receive your first month free. Visit BlueChew.com for more details, for more important safety information. And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. I don't know the last time I had a poor little dog. What Chris Brown said, pig in the chrome in there. Sam Hill. I can do it. Once I saw a pig, like they don't have no pores. And then all of the fat, all of the secretion comes out of the hooves. I couldn't have seen it again. You know how you do that? You turn the heat up on half. No. I should make my body eat. I can do it. I never even knew about a Michael Jordan sandwich. I remember that. We grew up on McDonald's and shit. We're the fast food generation. We've watched McDonald's become this little black up hoochie that she is now. What about the hamburger? That bitch was so good when she was young. Oh, the hamburger? That was the shit that Kanye was dating. That's how he had her looking like. The hamburger? That bitch looked like the hamburger. Rubble, rubble. Y'all stop talking about Kanye. Because I told you I got a theory. Kanye West watched this show, man. And people on the internet started pointing out little shit. Like every time we mention that nigga, he do some of this shit, did we say? Man. What? What do you mean? I had to sing it. I don't want to fuck it up. But we on to you, bro. We on to you. They going to have me looking like a tramp, man. We know you watched this shit. I can't stand in the right time. I know, Cap. I mean, he's a bad genius. Time machine to get some regular clothes. He got all homeless gear now. I got some regular clothes. Yeah, you're walking around in a jazz band. You know, I want to know what you had on in the documentary. Shelter blanket. He pimping them people. Shelter blanket. This is his version of couture, and them people spending all that money on that shit. What's the thing about that was a fashion genius. Yeah, he was spitting them in. When they out there, they'll spin anything. You got on the shoes? Yup. I forgot what I was doing. Y'all got them, you know? Oh, yeah, one thing about it. I'm going to support his craze. That's what I was talking about. His homeless clothes. I rethought my whole stance on it. Because I feel like at some point, I'm going to go crazy, too. Okay. And I ain't going to want you all to throw me away when I have my episodes. What you supposed to do when your mother go crazy? I'm going crazy. I'm planning it. You think we can kind of... I'm not going to do that. You know, if I can go crazy, I just don't want you all to turn on me. You sure think that because when you do it, I've been waiting, y'all. No, I want to hit... Who you been saying fuck? I'm going to say fuck everybody. Fuck these things. No, I'm saying when I hit my goal in the Monday, I'm going to do some shit that I know a lot of people ain't going to agree with. And I just want y'all to be... And I just want y'all to be able to say, if nigga loves you, hit your mother. Hold on, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm like, Tico, clear. Y'all got that wrong. Get off the mic real quick. Nigga, make sure we're straight. Where did that get mad at him from? Or the Donald Trump... I ain't never been mad at him. I personally, I ain't never been mad at him because I don't know the fuck what people that I know... That's what I'm saying. I don't want that freedom. I don't want him to be giving the fuck about what I do with him. He said slavery wasn't... It was a choice. It was a choice. Well, he did your battle, that shit. I mean, he didn't say a lot of shit. But do you understand, like, that all of us have opinions about shit that we ain't... That's going to offend the fuck out of them. We would feel the same way about... Oh, no, absolutely. If you said it out loud, people going to be like, well, ain't good for my own fun. Hell, yeah. I think it's crazy that people put dicks in their mouth. I think that's fucking crazy. But I know that we need them people. See? You know what's even crazier? I do. I think it's crazy that people put dicks in their mouth. I've never seen a dick. Watch me be the only one to get canceled for this. He said it's a bad thing, but not the one that's a dick. The crazy part is we trust our dicks in a mouth. We put our dicks in a mouth. We trust... Your dick could be... I'll just have a look. Stay up. He ain't only livin' everything. That one's we trust this shit. That shit is crazy. They say your mouth has more germs than anything. Right. We trust this shit. You will see his yoke in Newport. I see you. I see that on the tube. It's okay. That ain't crazy. You see the feeling before you go in. I see that on the tube. I'm here. Bro. And it... As it enters. It's teeth in there. That's true though. It's everybody's hat. And that's the thing that pisses me off when they try to cancel comedians of color when they talk about homosexuality. That wasn't even about homosexuality. We're general. No, no. I know what you're talking about, but what I'm saying, they indoctrinate us to be homophobic and then they penalize us for it. And it's like... And it not... When we grew up... It wasn't cool. No. He just thought about this shit again. I know this nigga. We would tell about women. We would tell about ladies. We would tell about ladies. I didn't say people though. He said people. I said people though. I didn't say people though. I don't believe nobody. You're right. I'm about to say... It doesn't have to do with sexual health. You ain't saying... You ain't saying nobody. Somebody put it there. It ain't about... There are people that put dicks in their mouth. That's everybody, man. You said we need the people. We do. Because I'm not speaking for me, like, not us in this room. The people on the other side who don't put dicks in their mouth. Dick Olas. Niggas these people. That's fucked up. We got to go into this much depth. To make sure. Then we're not offended about it. We was... No, we were gonna do it until they all do it. I think we have to do that is what's fucked up. Yeah, that's right. We're in that time. We got to be able to talk about it. She said we got all the people. We don't know everything. We got all the people. That's the reality of our community. All the people with dicks in their mouth on this side. All the people who don't. On this side. Whoever on this side. I'm not delving you. But all the people on this side. I know that y'all accept that they do this. We can let y'all know. I'm not saying I won't tell y'all to stop this shit. I just think the whole concept of this shit is wow. Because there are lots of people who do that. And then there are some people who enjoy doing that. Right. And you enjoy... I ain't... I understand. There's some people that can't believe that niggas put cookie lips on their face. They can't. I don't know the niggas on the side that accept cookie lips. I wouldn't judge y'all just for eating pussy too. Because they know what a vagina really does. I don't give a fuck where it's at. I put pussy anywhere bitch on my knees. Anywhere. You saying that now. Head shoulders knees don't put pussy anywhere. And that's exactly the point. You were pussy lovers. So you had to be on this side. But even the women who give you this pussy they know they're like... If you knew what a vagina really be doing what ain't no fucking going on you wouldn't be so happy to do all that goddamn dancing. Right. I'm here to sell a bitch. I don't give a fuck what you been doing. You were right. Put it on my face. You don't cry. You saying that shit now. Yeah, though. But you don't know pussy's other duties. That's a dude. You got a nasty bitch that's still trying to do it in real life. Man, what is this? I don't like Jesus Christ, Jesus nigga. I think we got about now. Other jobs are the same. I don't like these niggas got me sitting here and talking about pussy's other jobs. Real life. I can't wait to read your comment. The comment is going to be crazy. It's a bitch who don't mind fucking it directly. She be like... We're not judging nobody. You can't kick shame. No. Right? No, of course not. Do you have a problem with that? Like do you find yourself censoring yourself on stage? Hell no. You must ain't never wash up. No, I'm just asking. I washed it plenty but I'm just saying you don't say that you could say that you know you could like I can take this bitch to the... I'm working on it. Listen, I feel like I looked out. I go back and I rewrite. I don't give a fuck anymore because it doesn't matter. Like I was on the breakfast club last week. I said when they asked me about Joe Rogan I said nobody should be able to tell black people what they can be offended by. That's a word that's connected to trauma and pain for black people and I don't think that I as a Puerto Rican person, Puerto Rican Dominican, Afro-Latina whatever you want to call me, I don't have a right to say, hey man don't be, he cool. You should be all right with him saying that because some people did do that. Man, they came from me talking about because I said black, that's one thing that black people own that belongs to them, whether they reappropriate it, whether you want to say it or not is something that only black people should be able to say, right? Because it's connected to their trauma and pain. Oh my God, this lady sent me a sermon. You know, you, I can't, I can't believe you can, no, it's the black people, you condoning black people. She probably white with a black profile. I just said it's not my place. Black people with black profiles, I can't believe you see it. Well let me say something to all the black people. You black. I don't give a fuck how cool you think somebody else is. If you think these white people not out here saying niggin' they free time, you get life fucked. That's what I heard someone say, show me a white man that hasn't said the word niggin' and I'll show you a toddler. What's up y'all? It's your girl, Lex P. And it's your girl, Drayna Cole. Now y'all know the for richer for poor tour is going on and we had to come home, Eddie. Had to come home. Yeah. Partly home, but always free. So July 9th, we're going to be at House of Blues y'all. House of Blues. But ain't that crazy y'all? We're at House of Blues and y'all, let me tell y'all something. We have some special guests that are coming to the Houston show. Y'all are not going to want to miss this. It's on performing too. Oh, you know what I'm saying? So the show starts at 8 p.m. So get your tickets right now at poormines.com, the VIP. Y'all know everything is going to sell out. So get y'all tickets right now. Y'all complain if you miss out, because we saw a dream. No kidding. They see it at the crib. Absolutely. And that's the thing that for me it's like where I grew up, everybody said it. Because we were all told that we were all right. My whole family is like with you look at some of my relatives you wouldn't know that they were Puerto Rican. You just think they're just regular American black people. You look at my family, it's just a bunch of niggas. They're not even black people. We couldn't even take a nice good black people family photo. It's going to be niggas grabbing, they digging shit, cussing off, being over from the back. I had a whole bunch of old folks in my family. No, they were some small family niggas. Ghetto and project and country. Third road shot. We got a few bougie motherfuckers but they just as terrible as the rest of us. I'm not terrible. My family is all the groups in the motherfuckers man. You know what, do you sense it yourself? There's no point anymore. It doesn't matter what you say you're going to offend somebody. I don't sense it myself, it's a lot of shit I don't say. I do have to speak. I keep in mind the element of the world that we live in today. You got to be understanding that people are a whole lot more soft in regards to what they offended by today than it was 10, 15, 20 years ago. And I think that's just because it's so easy to get everything down. You got all the answers in your pocket. You got everything that you need. You can access immediately versus back then you had to get up and go out and get shit and go do stuff so it made you not give a fuck about things so easily. Comedian boundaries be funny as hell. I just had to walk to the grocery store in the snowstorm, fuck what this dude talking about but now that you get to sit in the house and watch everything immediately people just, you know, get offended so easily because now they're putting his account everywhere. You're still not comfortable with what you do. But if you do a comedy show let's say you go to the improv, right? And you take the mindset of you don't want to offend anybody in a marginalized group. So now you're not making fun of black people. You're not making fun of Latinos. You're not making fun of Asians. You can't say anything about queer people. You can't say anything about disabled people. All you're going to do is an hour of comedy making fun of white men. No. Every time I've done a show myself and it's been like some disabled people in there they love what you make. It's a right and a wrong way to do that shit. It's a right and a wrong way to do that shit. It's a right and wrong way about comedy and that's why it's a right and wrong way about being offended you make them laugh at their trauma you make them know they love. They want to know you can relate to it it's just acknowledgement you know some shit about me you know some shit about Ethiopian you know some shit about Central America, Georgia is gonna fuck with you from there for like don't that be the best shit you talk about some random shit I'm talking about the most random shit craze ever you like man I'm meant to do with a flake hand and it was a little bit in green and then somebody come up to you at this level I know that dude you can try making a whip without saying will you think about it all comedians have boundaries man the most disgusting comedian to be talking about some more terrible shit somebody from the audience be like what about your body hey hey hey whoa oh I won't do politics yeah so let me tell you about this rest of Trump on like I said the rusty trombone that's hilarious but it's true where you draw your line whoa whoa whoa so just like you ain't gonna go on stage like you said at the improv and say some people and all this shit your whole set is just trash in the club is no better than that shit some people line is the real shit some people only do made-up shit or a character I'm glad comedians don't be too real though you know how many shit this is be so happy if my all came on stage and really told you what they was just doing so I'm in the bathroom I don't like to do I'm hitting the coke before I come out here you'll be doing drugs with your best friend the next thing you know y'all taking your shirt oh no man he said so I'm in the back hitting the coke before I come out here cause I can't face y'all I'm in the bathroom hitting the coke and getting hurt I'm talking about some of that good shit I got it from my man Scott he said coke he work it he work it but he said coke to all the comics they I mean we need them comedians too we need to find comics too right so I'm living upstairs from this liquor store yeah one bedroom studio that's the um rent even 165 but I'm behind four months I'm flexed this ain't real that'd be great no I didn't say anything for this shit my fuck got real I forget who it was but it was the LA he said a meltdown on stage well no he was saying he was homeless he was living in the car and he tried to talk to this girl and she was homeless too in her car but he was like she was in the Jeep so I guess she was higher up I forget who said it man I almost fucked up real store I heard from a comedian on stage this nigga his baby mom had a new baby and they broke up he was still staying there and her boyfriend moved in oh damn how bad that nigga need somewhere to go damn he said the nigga is dead remember the guy from mastery of comedy that I couldn't stop laughing at when he said he got out of jail his girlfriend left him I don't know why that was on camera but the way he said he was doing his set I was on camera Angela he was like you got to stop laughing I could not he said so I just got out of jail my baby mama and I started crying that's the way he said I was laughing so hard and that's what I told him that's where you started that was your mentee look that's the type of shit can't nobody still don't nobody want to touch that right you put yourself in that position he really said the tone he was very funny you really thought she was gonna stay you went to jail now but for you to leave once I get out that's fucked up you could have left me while I was still in there she didn't need some time that's what I told you when you leave you were waiting till I get out to see me to tell me in the physical you don't want me no more you couldn't have hit me with a jingling you are a great for a nigga bro you out of jail last thing you want to be is in a relationship nigga you want to see what else I have now you think that's your favorite reset button please leave me at your earliest convenience and high demand in these I know right all right you gotta be know you get when you get out of jail you've been in there for a little minute you ain't got about six or seven months to really just give out good jail dick if you don't if you don't get nothing out of that then you just wasted going to jail just a nigga say you got seven months to good jail dick you got seven months that you can really just right here and go out here and change your legs go crazy these women go crazy over some chicken fresh out of jail that's your life what that's the type that's like uncooked dope to them they love that shit that's like a free rage dick see I ain't my dka I don't know about that fresh out of jail no I'm not fresh out of jail though we gotta make sure you readjust it to society go take this nigga to dinner this nigga over to play like this or you know how long he was in there he was willing to compromise oh jesus you can just listen to a nigga leave going till how long he been in jail just listen to what a nigga's saying just tell him what a nigga it ain't okay he's gonna take it back she's taking it back remember in that second episode the second episode man this is like man work it this way look man I ain't using this man what we supposed to do to stop you got another one you don't wanna go set your band up first nah I'm just gonna go in here man how we supposed to do this shit we supposed to do this stop man the niggas in jail gonna be watching this shit and be leaving comments no it don't necessarily go like that when I get out I'ma kill you man let the nigga be outside in 2075 keep that same energy in 2075 when everybody's black and brown bro you know how funny that is fucking learns a nigga throw at you in some jail nigga you better not be nowhere around when I get out in 2062 nigga I'm on your head you bitch that nigga black and brown that's the bird put your ass up he said chill niggas really be sitting in that time really sitting in got two weeks made it for two weeks this shit crazy you better write down bro in that shit really sitting in can you imagine a nigga just went to court today they just gave him a fresh 20 years 20 years a fresh time a nigga just did the first night of the 20 the first night of the 20 he went to court early the day that's what niggas tell me man my people always used to tell me you only do two days in jail the day you go in the day you get out in the middle too you don't even think about that that first night and that last one I don't think momma can tell you about the bad part I mean you know you see some of the jail shit but you got to hear from the momma actually you got to be you got to get your nice game that's a show though first two weeks of the sentence you want to see everybody first two weeks of the sentence how long the sentence got to be though it got to be like man niggas judge are getting 15 you don't want to see a niggas do the first two weeks out of a four weeks sentence but that's funny too man you want to see how he trips you don't want to get four weeks man I'll shut the fuck up he's in there man I can't believe it you got to go do a month in jail I think we got too many shows about jail it is it's too many shows we good we don't you know we really can't say shit no more but I feel like we should be able to shame prisoners they should be the ones all this shit they want comedians to stop saying all the shit they get you canceled I feel like they should be able to be the butt of all that jokes the people who committed crimes yes man they shouldn't be able to have no opinion about shit all of them they don't have the opinion they be trying to come out and be different people like oh my boy you're a pedophile they're not getting out they're not getting out I'm just talking about motherfuckers who did regular people they got 6 D.U.L they gotta go to jail for two and a half years you stay by Krogos hi there oh yeah with the website watchdog.org you put your zip code and it tells you we're on so you all this shit that's crazy I try to keep my energy protected yo watch your kids that's the thing yeah I have to why you look like that you wouldn't do that I would always want to know my friend you can know who to watch my friend did it and she lived right across it just showed you watchdog.org I live next door to a motherfucker six foot you know a lot of times they're supposed to notify you they gotta tell people if they're in the area but I ain't going on the website they gotta come they're supposed to come out I see you pondering over I'm just thinking about how much time then change then they gotta come out and tell you yourself cause I grew up in a town like it's your home you know all that type of shit but then it was always like a neighborhood freak you know what I'm saying you gotta knock on the door and run away from that motherfucker don't go over there and then they would always do some weird shit to remind you that show up behind the house what y'all doing some shit you gotta jump on your back freakin freer got that fly some shit that you would laugh about it ain't me and your real real taster not on my house the freak freer taster's up the street you can start crying you remember all your shit on yourself you're a moot you freak your freer got out you remember that freak freak got out you remember that shit freak your freer sound like a nigga with a church coat cause we was playing baseball behind the house and he tried to hug you you cry you remember that shit that shit fuck it was always a freak in the next world I think about growing up in the 80s all the time you know how like I remember this I know y'all remember this too motherfuckers used to always say don't stare at people that was always the thing but then you would go to like the grocery store or Walmart and you would see people not necessarily with disabilities or some shit it would be something that you never seen before and you would be just intrigued as a kid supposed to be so you're like you're not staring to be rude it's just some shit you never seen before like I remember the scariest motherfucker that I seen when I was a kid the motherfucker who didn't have a hand he had just a hook you don't see that when the last time you seen a motherfucker with a hook maybe a candy man and then like you go to your cousin in some house and they be like you know that man with the hook he stay over there and he hate little kids and all the people in the neighborhood like don't go over there you know he don't like kids nigga don't stare at people I used to get in trouble for that shit all the time because when you go you remember you used to go to the restaurant and they had a smoking section you know baby you can say smoking or non-smoking nigga when we were sitting in the smoking section trying to eat nigga I'd just be staring at people smoking cigarettes stop looking at motherfuckers but don't do it on the street because in New York they pull their dicks out on you when you stand down that's the thing in New York what see that's why you need them people on the train I'm telling you another motherfucker I saw in that kid that scared the shit out of me and they airthought you their dicks too like you didn't have a nose first time I saw a motherfucker didn't have a nose scared the shit out of me because I was a kid and they knew it was out of looking because they stuck the tongue out and they did like this is shit that I've ever really seen that's traumatic that's traumatic it's traumatic that's called that's the true story they're gonna stick the tongue out they're gonna stick the tongue out it was just like I don't know I don't know I'm not gonna sleep well tonight I've seen some shit I have definitely seen some shit yeah the people with no nose have seen one before I've seen people with no nose before well I mean they have the nostrils you know what when I was a child we used to have this and I think she's still alive too we used to have this young blind girl she was young but she was blind so I ain't never seen nobody young and they was blind but she was known in the gospel world for singing and her eyes was great and my mama used to always make me speak to her and I used to be like I do not want to because I didn't understand that somebody couldn't see and their eyes was great and she used to touch on me and she's like oh this your son, yeah I remember him oh how you doing, oh you getting big and I was like let me just take that one oh I got another one for you when I was growing up it was this lady she used to talk real loud and she would always like read herself and then I asked my grandma some shit why she do that I don't hear but you know she can't hear she can't hear a damn thing I was like what you mean I'll be talking to her she can't hear you I didn't even know she had good answers but she used to read the lips that's right she had went there she wouldn't she would respond to you when you thought it's best she could that's what I was saying, she would always repeat I should be crazy cause anytime somebody is able something enhances and when I say that girl knew how to sing and she knew what she was doing at a young age 12 singing about God and having faith in him you know what you'll never see I remember in the mid 80's with the big shit it was all these like kid pastors you don't see no kid pastors you remember the kid pastor boom like 1990 pastor boom here's an apostle he said he'd been to heaven one time when he was 4 he was 3 years old he led a whole son he got a church now when he was 9 what? 9 when he church he's got a playground in the big stuff whatever happened on them people who won them sweet stings and shit publishers clear house and all them people like have you ever met somebody I used to always do that I never met somebody I always used to watch them commercials never I want to see a documentary I want to see a documentary about people who got fucked in a timeshift deal I'm talking about them people who got fucked in a timeshift deal that bitch still they still down running tell that motherfucker she was gone she was on a lawsuit she was on a lawsuit she just hit I remember she was cool here she was like hey let's hit with him it's the last time you're going to see me I hit a lot of them damn I'm like you for real I bet you won't see me tomorrow she came to work every day he was like a damn drug he fucking around and won he won the lottery for a couple of years he had about 30 motherfuckers with him everybody who used to be like on shit with him he would send everybody to rehab nigga had bought like this big ass van took everybody everywhere nigga was living ghetto dreams see there was a professor that football coach and slash professor that worked at my college he hit a lot of me twice he hit one time for like 1.2 he hit another time for like like 3-4 hundred thousand after that nigga hit there and it was twice I got to start playing that shit I always did that every time I see somebody win man we'll never see nobody they be in there like man we'll be winning that shit I feel like we know I feel like if you want to win a lot of me you got to go buy your ticket in one of them places that people that be winning live at what do you got to think about we've been doing the numbers small ass, no ass, towns in the middle of nowhere go get your ticket from there we started the numbers it took months to say that he was leaving he go the library you like the same shit well we're going to play that version though those people play every day for years when it hits they just play the same numbers over and over I'm going to start playing this shit give me some diet I'll take my chance with the diet come on man I'm going to start that shit I'm going to give me a little gambling addiction ooh don't do it the library is a dick because once you play it you be like I think I can hit the mar you got to do that don't chase the way you be on the line let me get four one one street box because even when you get a little gambling addiction man you always win a little bit too I'm chasing those ass I got to scratch out right now I still ain't scratched out a bit you don't want to win somebody I knew just won $1,000 on a scratcher they print out like $30 million and one of them really had $50,000 and then they print out another $30 million and this one me had $10,000 in it I know what you got to do $1,000 on a scratcher off before $1,000 you got to go online from whatever state you went to I always win $2 and just use it to buy another scratcher off ticket you got to go online and buy that shit what prizes have been given out because you be buying a scratcher off and all the big prizes are already gone it's a $1.5 million but it'll show you it's two $1.5 million prizes they're already gone ain't no point in buying this one so it tells you what game's got what shit winning you just go to the lottery website what winning state didn't he just say he got the right answers at the right time he was waiting he was like I'm just going to let him know I like the confidence of people who play the lottery I just hate when you be behind them in that line they so serious about them god damn knowing that let me get 30 $65 for fold fold hold on hold on make sure you got that number right now what's your birthday okay what's a little more birthday alright well you mean how to pee in shit no more dude the pills are shit no more what's my grandma in 9-7-3 9-7-3 yeah when you say 7-7-3 okay I'll be doing just a minute yeah they still got the pills no the pills are shit you don't see them no more what's that like the pills are like they feel like scams on shit yeah they be like shit it's a little pistol too it ain't even had a race on it it's a little pistol no race on it that's why you gotta start over they ain't got no races on them business it's the blackjack table for me that's my that's my vice blackjack if I'm drunk alright let's nigga run it up I'm blackjack and you know what I know how to get out that's the difference Connecticut at Mohegan Sun and out whatever I hit I hit a couple times 750 800 whatever I hit four cause you see people with the cigarette with the drink sweating and now all the chips are gone the most interesting motherfucker at the casino is the person on the oxygen tank or the nigga in the hospital bed the motherfucker be right there in the hospital bed catacombs hitting that button hitting that button yes the oxygen tank is over there we pulled it in and it's where he pushed me the oxygen tank hitting the cigarette all the cigarette smoke in there they be hitting the cigarette on the oxygen tank pulling the goddamn joint pulling the goddamn joint it's the people that be at the gas station hitting the what the shit says in the back look at that I see a nigga laying in the other night all the niggas are addicted to them they would have killed me if I was the king holding nothing my last 20 $900 I'm like we don't want $900 the people who actually got jobs and then they go home and then change and put their little weekend shit on and come up there and then go and sit in the gas station and sit up in that bitch all day like they really at some time about behind the drinks that they put in the cooler they had some shit called the fish tables now motherfuckers be at you ever seen them little spots holding the wall they got like a lot of gaming on the front of them they got to call it shit like a little gambling jump they call them fish tables motherfuckers going there and being there all night playing cars and shit they be playing the fish tables and shit the card house oh a card well I want to gamble how much is you don't want to I don't want to for my friends we get that we gamble regardless we turn your house into a gamble house you can put it in your life you can put it in your life you can put it in your life you can put it in your life come on boy you funkin motherfuckers I don't want to be around no kids while I'm shooting for real he is janky I don't bet women what? I don't bet women what does that mean? I don't gamble women I don't bet women I don't gamble women you know who I don't gamble with you know who I don't gamble with fat dudes I'm raking this shit them the luckiest motherfuckers man I don't know it's a little easy ladies any time you gamble any time you gamble with a fat dude they going to start off loosing you going to be all the way up and then in the middle of the point that shit going to change you can't gamble a nigga who mother longer than yours at that moment because he has he has all day to lose you ain't got that much you don't have all day to win though right you ain't got all day to win you going to win something but you going to get tired and that little streak going to run over that that's when the bets go up the bets go up because you could be like he a sucker I don't got all day to do this shit run the money up the end by the time the money ran up all your luck has run out there's a people who play the games like what is P Knuckle those games at the casino that you never even those are games that your grandfather have to teach you how to back the rank they win what do you want them to be for not good the one with the numbers and shit oh that's roulette for roulette motherfuckers that I respect is the ones who go to the horse races and be at the horse race all day we learn how to do that shit you can win on the horse race whether your horse win or not you can bet that the horse going to lose they cover all bets just like they got a motherfucker who projected to win they got a and the horse got a back story he shit on his train last week till the one he shits before he leaves he leaves the stall he broke a record last Wednesday in practice trials they go all right what do you look like today that shit get live out there that's crazy that those entities can have those organizations and do that but we can't see that's the thing about it if you really gamble like that you start learning lingo they be telling you what to bet on you don't even know what to put the money on unless you know the codes that they be saying hey he's looking better than he's ever looked yeah but this is not spontaneous it's unpredictable the horses are if it's hot you can't reach it too sorry motherfucker might come out and beat you they show them they bring them out in front of you and you look at them and some of them look nervous some of them look skinny some of them come out there and look like I don't give a fuck about none of this shit and you like give me that from the way that they were showing us how to do the bet they had that motherfucker a little strong it's a whole lot of different shit different shit that you could bet on let me call the crib fuck that shit yeah I respect the horse races man all the way see if somebody like fly you can't gamble with fly cause this nigga this nigga get the winning and even if he don't get the winning nigga if he lose he gonna destroy something in the vicinity or wherever you at he's like he's kicked the hole in my cabinet my nigga fuck that shit my nigga you straight I didn't hit you can I take it out of your cabinet they used to have dog races yeah great they still do that they got dog tricks the white ladies let them do that the boys do a highlight I saw it I saw it different now now they put the shit on the ground and it's like the dogs show shit the dogs run individually and they clock them oh you know in some places instead of having an actual dog it's an electronic dog electronic horse races too yeah they got an electronic dog race electronic but I've never seen nobody actually own a Greyhound you ain't gonna go take part in that it's a great thing little Italian ones they got Italian ones they got them whipies so Greyhound genetically it's a few different breeds in Greyhounds too all of them don't look like the race that's what I'm saying it ain't a great thing a great thing is a great thing is a great thing is a great day and a big day great day and a tall-ish shit they don't live long the Scooby Doo is a great thing Scooby Doo is a great thing Scooby Doo is a great thing eh you're gonna fuck Scooby Doo is a much You know what's going on, any exotic dog that you think is some, those are birth defect dogs. Yeah all those Chinese dogs, those Chinese dogs, they used to be food, like the Sharpeys, the Chows. It used to be food for them. That's a great day. That's a great day. That's a great day. The big one. That's a great day? Yeah. What's bigger? Great day or St. Bernard? Great day. Great day is the biggest dog. You talking about a great day here like a hunch in his back? No, the great day. Bro. And what's those big eyes dog? Stick it on the great day and it was a cat. Big eyes dog. And now it's dead. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at that. That's all this shit, man. Look at that. It's so many breeds of big-ass dogs. What's the one that do that? That black kid brushin' dog. Man, they're my husband. They got so big ass dogs. I thought one of those. I had never seen a dog that big before in my life. See, that's the thing. They got a mastiff that looked like a fucking bear. Yeah, they got one. What you say? A mastiff. A mastiff, I suppose. He was talking about a Russian dog. A Russian dog. I can't say that. I'm not sure. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. He was talking about a Russian dog. There's a Russian dog. See, a cankhis is a.. That'srs a handkerchief. No, that's a Kudos. I know a Kudos, but it's a russian BRID is. That was like the bomb in a bolt. It's like that. It's like some type of shirt. I'ma get me a cankhis, but I'm going to use them just to stud them. But I'm going to get me a black cankis. And I'm going to do his ears. Fuck it dude. I'm doing it too well in my life. I'm getting me a fuckin' border collie that look just like Lassie and I'm naming it Lassie. A border collie? Lassie? Bro, I grew up watching Lassie in black and white. That's a collie, right? You remember, like they would show like some, some like in Technicolor one, then they would show like the old Lassie. Nick, you remember Flipper? Yeah. Yo. White people had a head dog for him, man. What about Air Bud? Well, what was he? He was a motor retriever. That can't even be a retriever. You don't see it on the motor. X-Tink. X-Tink? Yes, X-Tink. X-Tink. But not... Yeah. Oh, shit. I saw one today. A golden retriever. A golden retriever. Now they're breeding every day. I wouldn't approve them, Nick. Get you a golden doodle. People don't understand. These are birth defects. A dog and a little pet thigh. That is a stupid-ass doodle. We should get it in the bathroom. They got a pet doodle too? Yeah. We should get some pet doodles. It's called a doodle wilder. We should get some pet doodles. A pet doodle. Sell them to all the niggas in the B-game. Pet doodles. Pet doodles, yeah. There you go. They got to be big, because they poodles bite. They're known to bite. The big ones is good. The big ones will be on your ass. Them little dogs aggressive. You stand them up. They have to tell them by theyself. The Dalmatians have the worst bite. The Dalmatians? And I'm just saying I want me a Dalmatian. You said they have the worst bite. You take them goddamn polka dots off. I get sick of seeing that motherfucker. You don't fuck with the Dalmatians. Put your shit on. You had to dress dog goofy and shit. But it's hard. We're like, oh my god. You got to check it out. Look at the pet doodle. Let's take a little bit of shit in the motherfucker. Oh, he looked at it. That's the way I do this little bad shit to be with. That's the stupid shit. That's the dog and the fuck. That looks bad. He looked like I ain't before you here. And they got a shit full of hair in the boon body. But they like, fuck this goof ass shit, man. But you know what the French are here, right? Yeah. You know the little dog, the pig, the pulled dog. Pug. The pulled dog. That's on many minutes. The black dog. It's a pulled dog and a master. That a how. Bruh, who hit who? The pulled male hit the master female. Oh, OK. People don't know that French bulldog birthed the fit dogs. I don't know the fuck. And they just killed him. Yeah, all dogs. And before you know it, they just got to your own breed. Get their genetic modifications with them. I don't know how we got here, but it's interesting. Bruh, it's interesting because you got money, too, though. Like, it's a big meaning. Like, people love animals. You should know it this shit, right? Now, Mastiff and Pug. I'm looking all up at the dogs. Ask them for what a French bulldog come from. A bastard. You looked it up? Yes. A French bulldog. The pulled? Yeah. Oh, my God. The one that they put up, Jay. Oh, my goodness. He just looked like a boxer now. You should have just got a boxer almost at that point. Them dogs smart as hell. That's crazy. Look, Pug. The box dog. Look how big and small this one. His head's so small. Big and small at the same time. Why would you do that to them dogs? Beetlejuice. Big body, little head and small. It's a lot of dog. Why would you see it for a while? I wanted you to brought up Beetlejuice because it's like, now looking back, just knowing what that movie was. Man, that dude, Michael Keaton was funny. It's a motherfucking dog. He said that's his favorite movie he did. That shit was hilarious, man. He was my favorite Batman. He was my favorite Batman. But that big of Beetlejuice was sitting up there on that little head with you smoking in that lawn chair. Beetlejuice. Out the ghost with the most babe. They're doing another one. Well, that's going to go. I feel that way. That's going to be dope. You remember the Beetlejuice cartoon? Yeah, yeah. I had the Beetlejuice game, man. He was trying to fuck a young lady. That little girl was not of age. Was Lydia and Beetlejuice. She was a teenager. He was a ghost. He was trying to get married. So he was still trying to throw something up. But hey, it's a ghost or not. That was inappropriate, right? He was trying to get married. Yeah, he was trying to marry her. Well known a writer. That's so funny. They used to do a lot of shit like that in those type of movies. He'd be like, yeah, they can get away with that stuff. You ever think about all the shit that we just grew up watching that we thought would be timeless, that they secretly had in there? Man, so much, so much. It was him, man. I love Lydia. Check this out. She loves me. One of the most popular shows. Motherfucking Mr. Wizard. I remember Mr. Wizard. Old white man. You should just have kids over at his house doing science experiments. Mr. Wizard. He's smart. He should be a little dangerous, too. He'll bust some shit on fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's standing right next to you. I remember Bill. It always ended up with Mr. Wizard wanting to turn the lights off and show you something. It living color wouldn't be able to, could it be already? I ain't no way. I was watching the living color. The racist realtor. No. Ain't no way you can play that shit on TV there. Shit, it's a real racist realtor. I mean, like I'm saying, but the way that they did that sketch, you know what I mean? Men on film, bro, you can't. No. You can't. This is one of my favorite sketches from the latest season of Living Color when Jennifer Lewis was on there. You remember that she was on there at the end? She was a cast member? Yeah. She had this character she used to do when she was the mama, but she was on the phone the whole time. Like she used to be on the phone all day. And like her kids would run up to her and ask her something. She'd be like, but all through the sketch, she'd be on the phone. So even that night, it'll be like her husband here roll over. He was like, baby, that was great. Then she'll just pop up and be on the phone. But you have to look this shit up, man. She would literally be on the phone all day. Yeah. But Damon Wands, man, on that one. Like just the shit they do. Handyman. Oh, no. The way he do it. The little lady was his sad kid. The tiny, tiny, um, the tiny Avenger. She was the little, uh, she was a little person. Yeah. The little homeless dude that had the, the shit he picked up. Oh, man, you big deal. You ain't got nothing. You can't get me, man. Dennis DeVito. You remember that? Oh, the world's strongest woman in the world. That was Jim Carrey. The head detective was funny, man. The head detective was funny. But I don't know who that was on there. Bro, when he flipped him over, had to pun him. Do it. David Allen Greer. 1975 for real. David Allen Greer is one of the funniest people on the planet. Man, that is hilarious. I got a feeling. Like, oh, that shit. David Allen Greer. Oh, gee. The 90s. Oh, yeah. He's over there. Of all the comedians that did guess the person in the 90s on sitcom, David Allen Greer, man. Don't get no better than Slim. Every time you see him on anything, he was hilarious. Where is the guest role? I don't remember. He is moving around. He was more smooth on boomerang. But when they thought that he was bringing the jacket back, he was like, did you think that he wore the jacket and stacked it up to be damned and brought it back? Like, who says that? He is brilliant, y'all. His improvise is magnificent. Well, he was Joe from... What was the principle? Lean on me. Mr. McAfee. Oh, Mr. McAfee, yeah. With the fake shoot. Mc, Mc, McAfee. My favorite. That show used to go so hard every week. That's a good question. If it was any show that, as a comedian, like, if you could have been on any show, what would you have picked to be on a cast member? Oh, you know, it would have been Martin. Martin, me too. I love that show. That's the best show in the world of me, Martin. Timeless, man. So funny. I'd sit right here and watch rerun. If anything on TV, if I see Martin, I don't give a fuck. There's a football game back. I don't know why I'm meeting Martin. Everybody, even, like, the smallest characters on there became your favorite comedian. They all did it. You see? Man, sit your ass down. Man, sit your ass down. Man, sit your ass down. Man, sit your ass down. Man, sit your ass down. Man, sit your ass down. Man, sit your ass down. Man, the way she sounds, we got to recognize the artwork and take a einshark shot... Hey, you drunk? I'm on medication. She's that... I'm starting to do... You know, that's what it said. Look, yeah, sometimes I don't even brush my teeth. Hey, you know what? Martin, I don't think people would realize this, but I put this it's a sitcom. But it's actually a sketch show disguised as a sitcom. But you mean... Yeah, All Them Kids It's a sketch comedy show. There's not a scene on there where they leave any shit. Like they going for the funny and the jokes. Martin might play a character at the beginning that has nothing to do with the rest of the episode. It might just be a character that pop in and it's just a vehicle for this character. What you call Tracy Morgan might pop in this bitch. Bruh man might pop in this bitch. Like even the other motherfuckers. Buddy with the fucked up hair at the barbershop. Little dog. Yeah. Became a character. You know what I'm saying? It's me. Look out. Tracy had his own little. And he said he had his own little joints in there man. And it's just great. Man one of my favorite episodes of Martin is when Jerome and Cole was arguing over Pam. Oh Pam. Oh man. Get your thick ass when everybody's fighting at the mother. Yeah. No. It's Martin. I wonder about the other thing who used to uh, a 50 car. I got a little show on here. Oh yeah. Uh, don't you know her? Don't you know her? Don't you know her? That taught me her episode though. Oh my God. That one. Come on man. Martin's CD player. He sat on that couch? Yeah. Yeah. He was crazy. He was just that show way. I don't think you even remember. White Bob from the county. White Bob from the county. Yeah. This party's out of drogue. She was out of control. This whole party's out of control. He was only on a few episodes. Yeah. That's a classic character though. They all have different characters but they all, you all respect them as their own characters. Yeah. They became their own. They're their own thing. Shalini and Shalini. I can't wait to take you home. Oh, oh. Oh, this is oldest. All this. Dragonfly Jones. His mom is his mama. Dragonfly Jones is Dragonfly Jones. I didn't lie. King beef. Like all the different dudes that he played. Yeah. Like it would definitely be Martin. It's really. If you could go to N.C.Con, what would you pick? It's hard to say today after that but uh, let's see, N.C.Con. I don't know why. They don't have to be a show. They don't have to be a sitcom. I don't know why but this is just the shit I used to watch with my mom. And like my little brother reruns. God damn night court. That was my shit, bruh. That was not a night court. What? They re-making night court? Night court? Fuck with me, man. Let me get on there. I just thought about another one, bruh. If I could have been on any show about nigga, me and my mom used to watch this shit. Favorite supermarket suite. Yeah. My nigga. I don't want to be on a supermarket suite. So I'm grown right now. I still wanted some of them hands that was wrapped up in butter. You know what I mean, man? I know they're bloody big hands. It's on the game show network. So you mean to still come, they making new ones? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm A. Leslie was hosting that show. Oh, I wanted to. Leslie Jones was hosting it. When you hear the sound of the beat, you're on supermarket suite. Then they had another one in the mall. What was that one? I think, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, but what about this? If you a kid, you remember this shit? Those shows are horrible for poor people. Very bad. You watch it. You be like, oh. Y'all remember the KVToy store? No. You could win that bitch. Oh, KVToy. Was that born? No, probably not. It might not have been. But all it was was you ran through the store. I can tell y'all having like a little 80s moment right now. Real 80s. Real 80s. This one is the head toy store. You can get everything that you could fit in the goddamn cart in a minute. Do you know what guts is? I know what the Flintstones are. I mean, but you ain't never seen the show guts. They came on Nickelodeon when you were... I see Andy Griffith. Bruh, they had this one show where Nintendo was popular. They used to come on in the morning where motherfuckers used to play Nintendo games and like you would have to just play all these Nintendo games and try to like beat the game. And then it's like if you got to a certain point and they had like this big ass shit just full of Nintendo tapes and you can just run through there for like 30 seconds as many as you could grab you could keep and then they would judge you on like your score will be based off what games you got and if you got a certain score you could keep all the games. That's great. All them shows. Double dare, guts, legends of the hidden temple. I was about to say, what happened on Nickelodeon? Bruh, you are there. That's it, that's it. Oh man, none of you think about that show dare. It's like, that's a pity ass show. Wait, that's your... The whole show is like they ask two teams questions and if you don't know the answer you can just dare the other team to answer it. And if they don't know the answer they can double dare you to answer it. So if you don't know the answer you can just take the physical challenge. Right. But you just like, a lot of motherfuckers went on there and didn't know shit. It was like physical challenge. Oh yeah, right. Just to go crawl through the slime and see if you can find the slag. It don't be fun about that third time. They be moving different. That first, that first with them is going hard about that third with them. See I wouldn't even want to be on the comedy show. I would want to be on some dramatic shit that's in season 44 right now. Like all my children. I would be on Lord of the Sun. That's that one. I wanted to be on one of those movies that came on on like season nine. I done grew up in everything. Season where I went to jail. Now I'm a detective and shit. I was a troubled kid. I done grew up in front of these folks. I don't know what they just take all them cases from real the real life. Because they had the cases. I remember they did that on Kelly case. I was like they terrible as fuck. I did the Rihanna Chris Brown shit. They did Michael Jackson. They did Michael Jackson too. I didn't see the Michael Jackson. It was the white guy. But all the kids. Movie producer, that's the name of the episode. I saw the Chris Brown Rihanna one. That shit was. They got to start letting niggas like us on some of these shows. But I think they don't know what we want to be on them. We know now. We watch it. We love it. I'm about to try to get on some science fiction shit. Don't put me on those air files. I'm on the new Star Wars shit. I would love to be on the X-Files. I hate that shit. Cut that shit off. Cut that shit off. Don't fuck with the X-Files shit. It was the last time I watched the X-Files. If you watch the X-Files, you remember this. They came on. And it was a dude in the bathroom. So he was using the bathroom. But somebody was like on his little. On like a little wheel. Not like a wheelchair, but some shit. Like a little Dolly type. But the nigga ain't had no legs. And he came in with a nigga in the bathroom. He killed the nigga in the bathroom. I cut this shit off. The nigga with no legs. Came in and killed the nigga. I cut the shit off. Too much for me. The show that you used to scare the shit out of me was Unsolved Mystery. Oh yeah, that music. That nigga boys don't unsolved mystery. Why was it coming out of all that fog? It was fogging in the mud. Unsolved mystery. When you figured out there wasn't actual footage from the shit. That was what we did. If you have any information. Leading up to the capture room. John Whitfield. Whitfield. Last scene in the Nevada area. Yeah, I can't watch those. Even now, like those shows. Right now? Let's go watch some of this shit from the 80s. You be on the road. They can show pictures of real dead bodies on TV. No, I know. People always think this is the 80s. But the early 90s was when TV was really on some wild ass nut shit. Every horror movie had a fucking sitcom. Like a show for it. You remember the Freddy Krueger series? Yeah. They had Freddy looking crazy on that motherfucker. They just had a cold case for it. Jason had a TV series. I couldn't watch Swamp Thing. That was a good ad show. You missed some shit. Swamp Thing was about the monster. This nigga was a scientist who had experiment gone wrong. Fucked around and ran to the swamp. Whatever the shit was, they got on him. The swamp shit got on him. Made him a super strong ass nigga. But he still was a genius though. Yeah. That's the cold part about Swamp Thing. Because even while he was Swamp Thing, motherfuckers used to come out there and ask him for formulas and shit like that. He would come up out to swamp and help people. And his whole shit was he was trying to figure out a way to reverse being Swamp Thing. I couldn't watch that shit. That's a good ass movie. When he turned into that, he started Oh, oh, oh, oh. He started falling apart before even transformation just everything there fall out. That was just that thing. Then he fall out and you like, then your skin start rip. Man, we got to wrap this shit up. We'll be here all night. I just started all this shit going crazy. Hop into a whole boy. See, what you get? You started it. You're supposed to be here. You got there. I appreciate it. I'll just be in myself. I'm not trying to match your... I love watching you talk. This one right here. This one right here, that's my peoples right there. We talk big shit, man. Big, big shit. Man, I had plenty of moments where we was like, what the fuck is this thing doing? I bought it. I know Carlos ain't fucking with this shit. Yeah, it was... But look, look where we are now. Right, I love to ask you what you got coming up next. What we aspire to be. People always want to know what you're about to do even though you did a whole bunch of stuff already, what you got going. So it's funny because I always talk about how I'm not big on Atlanta because of my past trauma here. But I booked a movie today that's shooting in a couple of weeks. And I'm doing a show out here with some of the... some of the greatest women in comedy that I respect. We're doing a show here at the beginning of April. But... So I'm writing a book that for... I got a book deal. Appreciate it. Take care about the special. That was before. Yeah, I got it. And you know I don't really celebrate my wins. I kind of keep them to myself, but I appreciate it. There's you got more good news than a motherfucker. Yeah, and I have an animated series than a motherfucker. I ain't clapping no more. I'm tired. Hey, they told me they told me I wasn't going to do shag, I was told I would never get a special. I was told everything that I've done I was told that I couldn't do. They treated you like a teacher's tree. Oh, absolutely. When I was... They know who they are. The shag thing, they always say they're not about to put no Puerto Rican woman on shag. Yes, they are. They did. That was a loud one. Copy of shit. I appreciate it. Man, don't forget about us when you blow up in Spain. I have so many cars. I need to get old... the old key chains. They all have the same keys. They all have the same keys. We don't even know who Pime Park is. You got to go to the bank to get a license. The car was sold at originally with that stick and that came with the original parts of the car. You already blew up. Watch what's about to happen. Now, you about to blow up again. You're going to be on fucking narcos or some shit as the new fucking Griselda Blanco or some shit. That's my dream. And then they're going to be like, bro, was she on the show? I'm like, bro, she is out of here. No sister in the fucking TV series. I like the drama stuff better than the comedy. Because comedians... Because we have our own voice in comedy so they try to plug us in comedy and it's like, hey, dude, and it's corny. But dramatic stuff, most of us can do it because our comedy is rooted in drama. Right here. Like, Dave Cook is a really good, dramatic actor. He's very good. I'm still trying to do some work with Lou Dan and Phillips. Word. Young girl. Animilio Estevez. I don't like it. You know Charlie Sheen real name ain't Charlie Sheen. I saw a book where they had where they used to have what a celebrity is real supposed to be real names. Did you know Chuck Norris first name is Carlos? His name is Carlos Norris. Damn. And Charlie Sheen is half Mexican. That's why Martin Sheen. So they changed... Yeah, that's the name of your Estevez brother. Yeah, he kept his last name and the other one changed. It's a bunch of Latin people who changed their names so that they could be seen white. Well, I'm one. I'm one. Hey, I'm white. My name is Colette Black. My name is Colette Black. My name is Colette Black. My name is Colette Black. My name is Colette Black. Well, drop your social media so they can follow you. Funny Ida, A-I-D-A. I don't read comments and I don't battle rap with bitter balls on the internet. Don't waste your time. Don't waste your time. That's the truth though. I don't waste your time. So a lot of people doing paragraphs doing the little permit thing. I see four to three words and I'm like, yeah, life is too short. Ida? It's A-I-D-A. It's not Aida, it's Ida. The funniest video on your page is your cousin pulling up with the material. With the what? No, the video is so funny. It's like everybody's got a cousin like that. That ain't even my cousin. That's just a Mississippi cousin. When you have some smoking in Mississippi and your cousin pull up. Get in the machine. What a frown cup! That's so funny. Hey, shout out to King Salve. If you don't know King Salve, there's a nigga on there. Leica! He be saying that shit all the time on Instagram. We got to get him on here. He funded. Him. Couple more motherfuckers. Sister, I appreciate y'all. Thank you. Make sure you watch Five D Words, streaming on HBO. Yeah, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, there you have it. So, I had to grab the biggest. The ugly twins.