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The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, last night was a big night in Hollywood. The occasion was a special showing of Ronald Coleman's new picture, A Double Life. Naturally, all the important stars in Hollywood received invitations to attend the scale-off air. And while all this was going on, where was our little star? Rochester, hammy my pajamas. I'm going to bed. Here you are, boys. No, no, no, my woollen ones. The nights are awfully cold. I know it's cold, but you've already got three converters, two quills and half gallon, four electric blankets with a direct line to bolt it in. Never mind. Just turn out the lights and I'll go to sleep. Don't you want me to read to you like I always do? Yes. Pick up one of those trade papers, either the variety of the reporter. Okay. Now let's see. Say, boss, look what it says. What? Tonight at the Academy Theater, there will be a special showing of Ronald Coleman's new universal international picture, A Double Life. I know, I know. It says all the big stars in Hollywood have been invited to attend. Yeah, I know. Didn't they mail you an invitation? Well, frankly, I don't know whether they did or not. I didn't even bother looking. Oh, boys, come now. What? This morning when the mailman came by, you grabbed his bag and went through it like an octopus with a mixed master in each hand. I was looking for a reply from Dorothy Dix. Anyway, who wants to go to a Hollywood premiere? You always see the same people. Barbara Stanwyck will be there with Robert Taylor. Lauren Bacall will be there with Humphrey Bogart. Lana Turner will be there with, let me see today's paper. Anyway, Rochester, believe me, I'm not mad because I didn't get an invitation to the preview. As a matter of fact, if Universal Studios, if William Getz, the executive producer, if Ronald Coleman himself called me on the phone right now, I wouldn't go to that... I'll get it, Rochester, I'll get it. Hello? Is this Sam's meat market? No, it isn't. Who was it, boss? Oh, some guy wanted Sam's meat market. Sam's meat market? That's the new place down in the corner. They're having a big opening tonight. They are? Didn't you get an invitation to that either? I wouldn't go if I did. You always see the same things. Yeah, liver will be there with bacon, sirloin will be there with... Now, cut that out. Now, Rochester, I'm going to bed, so turn out the light, will you? You'll get it, boss, you'll get it. I've got it. Hello? Hello, Jack, this is Mary. Oh, hello, Mary. I'm glad I caught you. I thought maybe you were already left to see Ronald Coleman's picture. No, Mary, I was supposed to go, but I don't know, and you've been a star as long as I have. You don't get excited about those things, you know? Gee, and I thought we could go together. No, no, Mary, I'm ready for bed. Oh, that's too bad. I have two tickets. What? What? What? What was that, Mary? What did you say? What did you say, Mary? I said, go, go, go, go. Just take it, sirloin, hold it, please. Mary, just because you got tickets, you don't have to be so nervous about it. Look, I was ready for bed, but I wouldn't let you down, so while I get dressed, you jump in a cab and pick me up in ten minutes. Okay, Jack, I may be a few minutes late. I want to stop off at the floors and get a corsage. Good, good. While you're there, get one for yourself. I mean, I mean, come over as soon as you can. Goodbye. Rochester, Rochester, I'm going to the opening. I knew Sam wouldn't let you down. Not the meat market. Now stop jabbering and help me dress. Hiya, Jackson. The door was open so I came right in. Oh, hello, Phil. Where you going? Oh, I promised Mary I'd take her to a special showing of Ronald Coleman's new picture. No kidding, Jackson. You mean you got an invitation? I certainly did. That's why I'm putting on this tuxedo. You may not know it, Phil, but for the past 20 years, I've been rubbing elbows with the most important people in show business. From the looks of them sleeves, you must have been rubbing them pretty hard. Alright, so it's a little fin around the elbows. Now, pardon me while I get dressed, will you? I'll help you, Jackson. While you're putting on your shirt, I'll button your shoes. Thanks, Phil. Rochester, hammy my wing collar, will you please? Yes, sir. Uh-oh. What's the matter? You wear a size 15 and a half collar and there's only a 14. Oh, that's all right. We can make it work. Put it on. Okay. Here's the collar button. Yeah, yeah. Now, hold still. Boy, this collar's really stiff. Yeah. Just a minute now. There, I got it. How's that, boss? I guess it's all right, but it's so tight I can hardly... Oh, darn it, slipped off the collar button. Now, try it again, Rochester. Boss, this collar's too tight for you. Well, pull it harder. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. Hold still. There. Gosh, this collar's so tight I can hardly breathe. Phil, how do I look? Like Herbert Hoover with a crew haircut. Don't be so funny. Oh, there's Mary. Now, all I have to do is snap on this bow tie and I'll be on my way. Darn it. There it goes again. Rochester, where's my bow tie? It went out the window and headed for Capistrano. Well, get me another one. Coming, Mary, coming. Phil, can I drop you off any place? No, Jackson, I'll stay here. I'm a little hungry. Rochester, get me an olive and a glass. Okay, Phil, make yourself at home, will you? Say, Mary, don't look now, but ever since we've been riding in this cab there's been a moving van following us. I know. What? So many times I've gone to the theater and found out I left the tickets on the piano. So this time I'm taking the piano with me. Say, you know, Mary, that's a good... Oh, quiet. You fall for everything. I've got the tickets right here. And the invitations, too. Let me see it. Universal International cordially invites you to attend a special showing of a double life starring Ronald Coleman. Say, gee, gee, what a beautiful invitation. Here you are, folks, Academy Theater. Come on, Mary. How much is that, driver? $1.60. Oh, John. Jack, what happened? Nothing, nothing. Here you are, driver. Keep the change. I can fix your collar. I'm trying to, but darn it, I've lost my bow tie. No, you haven't. They've got the searchlight on it. It'll be down in a minute. Oh, yes. Here it comes, there. I got it. Oh, no. That's the one that was headed for Capistrano. Here it is. Fix my collar. There. Come on, Mary, let's go in. Gosh, look, look, all of us big stars are here. Come on, hurry. Hold your own invitations, please. You spectators, stand back. Let them in. How do you do, Mr. Gable? Good evening, Mr. Taylor. How are you, Mr. Peck? How do you do, Miss Livingston? I told you spectators to stand back. I'm with her. Oh, well, then go right in, Mr. Mr. He doesn't even know I'm Jack Benny. Well, don't tell him to have something to look forward to. What? Come on, Jack, hurry. The lights are starting to dim. Okay. Hey, Mary, here are two seats here, right in this row. A little more than halfway in. Follow me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Oh, Donald, there's only one seat. We'll have to go back. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Jack, come back! You went out the exit! Here we are, Mary. Here are two seats on the aisle. Good. Jack, we just made it. The travelogue is coming on. Oh, yes. As the sun comes up over the famous diamond head in Honolulu, we pay another visit to that land of enchantment resting far out in the blue Pacific, the Hawaiian island. Jack, Jack. Huh? It's me, Don Wilson. Oh, hello, Don. I didn't see you sitting behind me. Who are you with? Your quartet, the sportsman. Oh, good, good. And now let us pay a brief visit to one of the lesser known islands, where we find chief human nook and do-eye of his people doing their native dance. Gee, this is good, isn't it, Mary? Hey, Jack, Jack. Don, I want to see this travelogue. Shh! Quiet back there! Yes, Don. Quiet. You're disturbing the people. Jack, what a coincidence. The quartet has a commercial workout that fits to the music they're playing. All right, all right. But, Don, not now. We're in a theater. Not now. Now? Good. Don! Boyhead fellows, very softly. Don, Don, we're in the theater. I can't hear him. Don, you can't do this. We're in a theater. Don, you can't do this. We're in a theater. Make the boys be quiet. Yeah, quiet. Don, it's so embarrassing. Yeah, yeah. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. Don, you can't do this. He's like- Meeple are working, guys! What's the matter with you? Why not! Quiet, back there, please! Yeah, look! Ronald Coleman in a double life! Gosh, Mary, that was one of the best pictures I ever saw. Yes, and it was such an appropriate title. A double life. It really fit. Mr. Coleman was perfect as the Broadway star who was afraid to play a fellow. Well... Oh, fine. I suppose you could have played a fellow better than Ronald Coleman. No, Mary, I don't think the people would like me and Ronnie's part in the picture, but then, on the other hand, you think the public would have liked Coleman and the horn blows at midnight. They wouldn't have liked that picture with Eisenhower in it. I guess not. Say, Mary. Mary, isn't that Mr. and Mrs. Coleman over there? Ronnie and Benita? Where? There. Just coming out of the theater. Oh, say, Ronnie. Ronnie. What is it, Benita? Say, isn't that Jack Benny over there? Where? Oh, for the love of... Well, let's hurry, Benita. Perhaps he hasn't seen us. Thank you. I think he has. He's coming to Orges. Well, I've got an idea, so he won't recognize me. Ronnie, Ronnie, stop! What are you doing with my hat? I'm going to wear it. Maybe you'll think I'm Tom Breneman. Yes. Yes, but then you'll have to kiss him. Anyway, let's try and get rid of him quickly. I want to go to Ciro's and celebrate. All right. But don't create a scene. It'll be pleasant to him, and perhaps he'll go away. Yes, you tell me the same thing about your mother, and she's been with us for 20 years. Well, Ronnie, Benita, how are you? Hello, Jack. Hello, Mary. Hello, Benita. Say, Ronnie, your picture was simply one. Thank you, Jack. Glad you liked it. Like it? You know, Ronnie, watching your performance this evening was one of the most enjoyable experiences I've ever had. Oh, well. Not only is a double life a great picture, but your acting was the finest I've ever seen on the stage or screen. Oh, now, now, Mary, I... Gee, you're absolutely brilliant as a fellow. And when you played yourself, you were so suave and so handsome. Well... Mary, stop. You're embarrassing him. And, Benita, you keep out of this. You know, Ronnie, my favorite scene in the whole picture was when you, as a fellow, accused your wife, Desdemona, of being unfaithful because you saw another man carrying her handkerchief. Oh, you mean the speech where I said, By heaven, I saw the handkerchief in his hand. Oh, perjured woman, thou dost tone my heart and mixed me call what I intended to a murder, which I thought a sacrifice. I saw the handkerchief. Yes, yes, that's the speech I mean. Only, Ronnie, if I were playing the part, I believe I would have done it something like this. By heaven, I saw the handkerchief in his hand. Oh, perjured woman, thou dost tone my heart and mixed me call what I intended to a murder, which I thought a sacrifice. I saw the handkerchief. There, how did that sound? Wonderful. Phil Harris couldn't have read it better. He couldn't have read it at all. But Ronnie, how can you say that? Look, get the death of that last line. I saw the handkerchief. Oh, there goes my collar again. Where's my bow tied? I swallowed it. No, no, here it is on the sidewalk. Excuse me a minute. Where's my collar button? I knew I swallowed something. Well, I got another one here in my best pocket. Oh, say, Ronnie, Ronnie, if you don't mind my talking about your picture again. Not at all, not at all. Well, I've seen you in a lot of pictures, and I thought that in this one you were... Thank you. No, no, let me finish, let me finish. I thought that you were miscast. Oh, so you thought I was miscast? Yes, you see, in the picture, they have you turn killer and commit murder and Ronnie in real life. I mean, you couldn't possibly murder anybody. Oh, I don't know. Well, it's getting late, we'd better be running along. No, no, you can't go home yet. This is the opening of Ronnie's new picture. A night like this calls for a celebration. I know, let's all go over to my house and play the slot machine. Oh, no thanks. No thanks, Benita and I are going to Ciro's. Goodbye. Wait a minute. Jack, it's getting kind of late. Maybe we ought to go home. Mary, we can't run off and leave the cold ones. They'll think I'm snubbing them. Now we'll all go to Ciro's. Come on, come on, everybody. Oh, taxi, taxi. Look, look, Jack, we can't all get into one taxi. There are four of us. Okay, you folks take this cab. Mary and I'll take the next one. See you at Ciro's. Benita, what a fool I was to let Benny know where we were going. Oh, what's the difference, darling? And anyway, Mary's such a nice girl. Oh, I'm nothing against her. I like Mary. It's that Benny, I can't stand. Lately it seems that everywhere I go, I run into him. It happens to me too. Last Thursday afternoon, I saw him at Greer Garson's tea. Benny? At the tea party for women? Yes, he had a shawl over his head and came around to tell our fortune. No. Yes. Benny took his violin, played golden earrings and passed around a tambourine. You mean Benny? Himself passed the tambourine? Yes. Well, that's too bad. His monkey must have died. Oh, darling, let's forget about him. Let's talk about us. About us? You know, I didn't have a chance to tell you how much I enjoyed double eyes. I think it is the finest trick to you ever made. Well, thank you very much, darling. You know, I'm your severest critic. I think your performance in that picture was magnificent. Well... You're wonderful. Oh. Ronnie. Yes? I bought a new fur coat. What did you say, dear? I said I thought your performance in the picture was... Here we are, Cyril. You're certainly lucky to get this ringside table. Yes, I hear they have a wonderful floor show. It was nice. We all arrived together. No one was kept waiting. Yes, yes. It was, wasn't it? Say, Jack, it's kind of chilly in here. Will you please get me my coat? Certainly, Mary. What about you, Bonita? Is your coat checked? No, it's Persian lamb. Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha! Say, that's rather good, Bonita. I know. I heard it on Fred Allen's program. Hmm. Say, how about ordering our food so we'll be up through eating when the floor show starts? All right, I'll call the waiter. Oh, waiter. Waiter. Yes! Waiter, I have a shrimp cocktail, filling in your rare and asparagus. Very good, madam. I'll have a Caesar salad, lobster, all in Newberg and broccoli. Yes, madam. I think I'll have some consomme, prime ribs of beef, medium rare, and a baked potato. Yes, sir. And now, what about you, shoulder? Well, I'll... I'll have a portasse à jour at Salada avec Rockford and a bouffe avec Baudelaire at Pomme de Terre. Well, get here! Never mind the comment. Just bring what I ordered. Say, Jack, when did you start eating French food? Since they'd evaluated the frank. Would you like something to drink with your dinner? We have some wonderful vintage champagne. Moms 37, cordon rouge 33, and Piper Hyde sick 35. Make mine schlitz 47. That was a good year, wasn't it? Not for USC. Never mind the wisecrash. You ought to pay a little more attention to your job. Some waiter. Look at this tablecloth and the napkin. I've never seen such dirty linen. Will you do them for us, Wong-Poo? That's besides the point. I've never seen such a rude, impertinent waiter. I've got a good mind. Stop raising your voice to me. What? Nobody asked you to come in here in the first place. You spoiled my whole evening. That's the last straw. How about you and me stepping outside? This is zeroes. We can do it right here. Look, waiter, just go get our orders. Oh, all right. Ronnie, you can come out from under the table. People have stopped bearing. Well, now let us all have a pleasant evening. Come on, let's eat, drink, and be merry. Well, that was really a delicious dinner. Did you enjoy yours, Ronnie? Yeah, I certainly did. Waiter, give me the check, please. Oh, no, no, no, Ronnie. This is my little party. But after all, Jack, we're celebrating my new picture. I don't care. Waiter, don't listen to him. Give me the check. All right, but you'll hate yourself in the morning. Never mind. Give it to me. Thank you. Hey, Ronnie, this is the first time I've ever seen Jack pick up a check. I wonder what happened. Somebody must have spiked his slits. Oh, waiter, give me your pencil. I want to check these items. Thank you. Now, let's see. You know, this really has been a grand evening. Yes, the floor show is wonderful. And Kuga's music is so exciting. And it's Jenny Lester. Is that a funny comedian? And the atmosphere is nice and cozy. Please, please, would you all be quiet? I'm going over the check. Now, let's see. Shrimp cocktail of dollar. Consume, 85 cents. Caesar salad, a dollar and a quarter. Filet mignon, whoops. Hmm. Lobster, they, hmm, hmm. Hmm. Ronnie, Ronnie, did you have an extra cup of coffee? No, Jack, I had milk. Well, where did this extra cup of coffee come from, waiter? You ordered it. I didn't order it, and I want to take it off the bill. Jack, please. Now, you keep out of this, Mary. Waiter, I'm not going to pay for this extra cup of coffee. I want to... No, Jack, Jack, let me pay the check. No, no, Ronnie, this is my party. This is my party. Now, look, waiter, I don't mind paying for what we got. But I know that no one here had an extra cup of coffee. Oh, Jack, for heaven's sake. I'll have this bill corrected immediately. Ronnie, the orchestra's playing. Let's dance our way out the back door. All right. We need to come quick. Hurry up. Now, what about it, waiter? You ordered the coffee, and you'll pay for it. I ordered it, but I changed my mind, and you took it back. Did you see me leave the table with it? Yes. By heaven, I saw the coffee in your hand. Oh, perjured waiter. What? Now, the stone in my heart. And makes me call what I intend to do a murder. Well, which I thought are sacrifice. I saw the coffee. Oh, John, if there goes my coffee. Jack will be back in just a minute, but first here is Basil Riesdale. 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LSMFT, LSMFT, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. So smoke the smoke, tobacco expert smoke, remember. By a 50% margin over any other brand, independent tobacco experts name Lucky Strike, first choice. Lucky Strike, first choice. Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman for the great work they've done. Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman for being with us tonight. And to Dennis Day, my best wishes and congratulations. Good night, folks. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.