 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan assay of Jonathan assay calm And I'm so excited to be shooting this live stream for you today our topic the five What the heck is the top again that kept five side the five things that women do that kills attraction with men Okay, can't believe I Jones there for a second Really quickly if you're new my youtube channel, please hit the subscribe button hit the bell And if after this content if this content here resonates with you check out the link to a free discovery call with Me to see if working with this a coach is right for you and also check out my link to my group called midlife Love mastery. All right, we're gonna talk about those five things that kill Attraction all right, um, you know, it's interesting. I'm gonna talk about dating coaching for a second because in the realm of dating coaching for men. There's this Coaching industry called the pickup artist industry the pickup artist industry and this is helping Is basically about teaching men how to pick up women or how to meet women But what's so interesting for a lot of the in screw inscribliest or the unscrupulous? Coaches out there they teach a technique called negging negging and what that means is being negative to a person Basically, there's this theory that the more you treat someone like crap the more you treat someone like crap The more they're gonna want to come back to you this is one of the reasons why you know Women have been told or men have been told don't be a nice guy because jerks seem to be the ones who get all the women Okay, now. I know you're watching this going no no no Jonathan. That's not true. That's not true sadly, though it is true on some level because most advice is centered around reverse psychology reverse psychology and reverse psychology is basically tapping into people's fears of Their own stuff their own wounds their own traumas that cause them to react in a hunt Unhealthy way. This is one of the reasons why I highly recommend checking out the book Let me grab it here really quickly is Getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks getting in Helen Hunt getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt because this explains Why we oftentimes attract the wrong person in our life that unhealthy unconscious person So when the dating coaching is centered around triggering our unhealthy Methods of attraction in the short run it might actually result in a relationship in the short By the way, is that picture off? I've got to fix that bugging me By the way That's a picture of my mom today would have been her 92nd birthday if she had still been around she passed away Three and a half years ago and certainly those who follow my work know my son Connor That's next to her. So they're together in heaven right now. That picture was taken when he was younger He was 19 when he passed away So I thought today I would honor my mom and my sons and certainly that's my mom and dad when they were younger Okay, my mom my dad's still around so going back to this reverse psychology So a lot of dating advice is really centered around triggering reverse psychology And I'm here to lean into a different conversation today I'm here to lean into a totally different conversation today a more healthy conscious way of approaching relationships But before I do that not but I'm trying to eliminate but gosh I really try hard to eliminate but for my vocabulary and I also want to lean into this idea that men must earn a woman a man must earn a woman I want to talk about that and I want ever and I want when you get to the point of asking questions Let's talk about this because I don't believe I believe two people should earn each other It's not he must earn you It's that you earn each other and what I'm about to share today is going to shed a lot of light from a personal development self-help and spiritual perspective Let me repeat that from a personal help Or personal development self-help and spiritual perspective because the five things you don't want to do When you're deal when you're with a high quality person and what I mean by a high quality person I simply mean somebody who is an emotional grown-up and They have their act together in fact. They have their shit together Before I get started my cup today is a dad's all cup and says swear a little you'll feel better Those who know me know I curse quite a bit. I say the f word I'm sure I will at some point when we get to the Q&A so just know that I'm a big proponent of cursing a little bit Because I think it actually Demonstrates that I'm a real person. I'm not here to blow smoke up your ass and that's ask Ask and that's why I'm actually objecting to a lot of dating coaching Rhetoric because it's blowing smoke up your ass and I want to encourage something healthier Something that I call Self-love in fact, this is my book called what the heck is self-love anyway? Have you order it? Please order it because it's a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work So you can become what's known as an emotional grown-up remember when I said when you take an emotional grown-up and add You got your shit together. That's a great combination to be dating a person So the things you never want to do with a man and let me just say this Everything I'm about to share is for both men and women alike. This is not Singular to men. I just happen or to women. I just happen to talk to women about men That's my predominant audience, but what I'm about to share goes both ways So number one and this kills attraction when your actions don't match your words your actions don't match your words and I an emotional grown-up their actions consistently match their words So when you begin conversing with someone especially if you're meeting through an online connection Be consistent with your words. Although. They're a stranger most often Be consistent if you say you're going to text at a certain time then text at a certain time If you say you're gonna agree to a meeting then live up to that nothing kills attraction more than inconsistency in one's words. I think of the movie my fair lady Words words words words if you love me show me and what that means is your actions are consistent with the words that come out of your mouth, okay? number two You have what I call victor consciousness and not victim consciousness Can I tell you something ladies when I'm you know in the dating app world and I'm looking at women's profiles and I see I Don't want any liars. I don't want any cheaters. I don't want any drama To me that's literally Expressing that's that's literally starting with complaining. That's starting with what's wrong And that's just one example of I see a victim consciousness Another is when you've had a bad marriage is focusing all on maybe your ex-spouse is being the problem and not taking ownership in your life So so taking personal responsibility for your choices, whether it's a man or woman This is an attraction builder and when you don't take personal responsibility for your choices It is an attraction killer. It's an attraction killer So I want to encourage all of you to start shifting to more of that of that victor Consciousness of that victor consciousness. By the way, I can see that the the live chat is going I can't read it yet because I haven't put on my glasses. So let me quickly read what everyone's saying real quick Oh Great great great KC divine. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Good morning, Australia It's afternoon here in Los Angeles. By the way, I'm wearing a red shirt red sweater this time people keep asking me to wear it So this time I thought I'd wear it. Okay for a lot All right, so number three and this is critically important When there's friction in a relationship, it's learning that you don't have to be right to be happy Let me repeat that you don't have to be right to be happy So I call this learning how to fight fair fight fair and what that means is this is by the way Both men and women need to be doing or I encourage both men and women to do this is you listen to the other person's point of view You accept that point of view of being true for them and they allow you to do the same for you When we know how to fight fair when we know when we're not in that state of I have to be right And I got to tell you this happens right from the very get-go in the dating process Most people are are myopic and focused on their own needs that I have to get what I want Now I know a lot of you are women are been encouraged not to be doormats in relationship and to over give And I'm a full believer in never over giving Giving should be a two lane street. It should be give and receive receive and give give and receive receive and give It should be like a nice seesaw. It should be like a ping-pong game or a tennis game if you are giving too much in a relationship if You feel like you're giving more than the other person is then it's an imbalanced Relationship and you have to reevaluate either you're giving or reevaluate the relationship Because I'm here to say if you over give that's on you It's not the guys fault that you're doing that and I don't even want to put blame to it But I want to encourage you to look within look within Okay, number four and this has to do with empathy Empathy isn't just I can feel your feelings empathy means I care about your feelings So when someone doesn't care about your feelings man or woman alike, that's an attraction killer And I'm going to share with you one of the number one complaint most divorced men Claim after a divorce is they felt unappreciated in the relationship They felt unappreciated in the relationship what that meant was the person didn't actually care about the other person's feelings So I want to encourage again that two-lane street type of dating not the reverse Psychology dating not the chivalrous claiming you he has to earn you and I certainly not in agreement of being Negative in other words that whole fantasy that the person who cares the least holds the power in the relationship Let's scratch all that bullshit out That's just garbage because that's all short-lived based relationships And I want to encourage healthier happier mutually beneficial Relationships and the fifth and then we're gonna take questions And by the way if you want to ask questions for me to do me a favor start using the super light button I would any any money that you donate to This live stream. I just want you to know any money you invest in this live stream I'm actually going to be donating the money to charity So all the money if you do hit that super sticker or that super chat button and invest I'm gonna donate that money to charity So I just want to let you know that makes it easier for me to see on the screen that fifth and most important piece is transparency Transparency and what that means is if it's material to the relationship. It's the material to Forming a relationship, then people should become more transparent and be more authentic and more real about it And that includes if someone asks you an honest question and it's you know, it's interesting to me I know a lot of people in the dating sites Negate answering for example on dating sites They make they don't answer a lot of questions because they're feared. They're gonna be rejected for it But that's not being transparent. I'm sure it's being Neutral but I want to encourage people to be transparent if it's material to the relationship then share what come come up Now does that mean you have to say it on the first date? No But certainly once you start leaning into the dating process be more Transparent because nothing kills attraction than being secretive and this is men and women alike And these are the five signs of emotional maturity and these are the five things that kill attraction I'm sure there are many more that we could discuss. In fact, that's what the live q&a is for So I want to now take time to ask answer questions. So really quickly I'm not going to be doing any music today to get started because I've had copyright infringement stuff So we're going to do a movie quiz before we start our q&a This is a movie quiz And the question One question is which film star Which film stars molly ringwald as a teenager whose family has forgotten her 16th birthday Which film stars molly ringwald as a teenager whose family forgot her 16th birthday answer the question there in the q&a All right, so let's start looking at the board to see if there's any questions. Yes, lisa got the question, right? Okay, k.m. Right. I'm oh my god. Goodness. My partner will just yell me down if I don't agree with him on decision all right That's a sign of that person's ego needing to be right So leaning into what k.m. Said oh my goodness my partner Will just yells at me down if I don't agree with him on his decisions now A healthy relationship are two people listening to each other Accepting each other's point of view and then coming to agreements together coming to agreements together If you're in a relationship with their habitually putting you down And that may not be the right relationship for you Speak up speak your truth do it with kindness in fact chapter one in my book Speak your truth do it with kindness And if it's sincere and from the heart you can never say the wrong thing to the right person So I want to encourage you to do that. All right. Let's look see Yes, everybody's getting it right 16 candles 16 candles um, all right, um Okay, let's see His phone is his boundary. That's not transparent to me. Okay. Hmm. His phone is his band. Okay. I want to address this Our phones are a very personal thing to each individual And there may or them there may be content in our phones that might be very personal and intimate to us so I know there's been a lot of encouragement and You know suggestion that if you don't trust someone that you should be able to look at their phone But I want you to know not that I have anything to hide from my home phone But I have lots of communication with lots of different people that could be that I don't want to have to explain Because someone doesn't understand what's going on whether men and women are like and I happen to be in business Where I talk to women all day long So if I'm in relationship with someone and they don't trust me that they have to look at my phone Then I don't think I want to be in a relationship with someone that feels the need that they have to look at my phone To trust me That now if there is there two things that could be going on in there They may have inherent trust issues Or I might be giving them reasons to mistrust If that's the case, it's not the right relationship for either one of us I don't want to be with a woman who has trust issues and nor should a woman want to be with a man She doesn't trust but I don't believe we have to relinquish our This is like our you know our personal journal You know, I I'm not sure that I agree with having to share our phone with people Just because they don't trust us. So I hope I answered that question Um lisa writes ask with love and understanding and compassion. Yes, that's true Okay, lisa also writes I do get that but it's been a source of problems in our beginning Well, again if there are problems in the relationship then address the problems And decide if this is the right relationship to be in because if problems don't get addressed They get swept under the rug And things that get swept under the rug will blow up eventually So deal with them sooner rather than later is my invitation for you. All right. Please ask a question That's what this is for. Don't be bashful even hit that super like or that Okay Knock right. I won't date a guy who won't open his phone and everything else Been cheated on too many times and have been with other women. He was chasing enough is enough Again knock I'm going to say if you feel the need if you're in a relationship with someone that you have to look at their phone To confirm trust then you're probably not in the right relationship to begin with But i'm just going to tell you this if you begin dating a new guy Be careful make that is a relationship killer beginning a relationship with mistrust is a relationship killer And if most likely if you have mistrust issues then I invite you to look inward I invite you to look inward to see if there was any trauma in your childhood Or an adult which you've been cheated on and address it from an inward perspective Because no man has ever until you've addressed it on the inside until you trust yourself Until you trust yourself Every relationship is going to feel untrustworthy and that's just my invitation for you. So I hope that help Uh lisa writes. Thank you Um to me. Thank you. I love you too. I love you all. I really do appreciate this Please ask questions or this is going to be a very short live and I'm here to talk for the next hour Maybe I'll okay. So post a question. I'm going to read another um movie quiz Which character was the leader of the pink ladies in greece? Let me repeat that which character was the leader of the pink ladies in greece Let's see who comes up with that and in the meantime, let's see what johnny just said Where is the line between taking things slow and just being let on? Oh, I love this question. So The reality by the way everyone I've got a little bit of a head cold. So I've got to pull this out I took a covet test today. It came back negative Uh, but I'm waiting for the ante or the the three-day test as well So, okay now I just forgot the question. Oh taking things slow. So the reality is these days Most of the time when you're meeting a new person, they are a complete stranger in your life You didn't go to school with them. You didn't go to college with them. You didn't work with them You didn't know them from the gym. You don't know them. You don't have mutual friends together So the reality is is these days dating is a very slow process to build trust to build trust By the way, the reason why I'm doing this is I want you to think of roots to a tree The more rooted uh relationship becomes the more trust is built. So taking things slow is actually Is more advised It you know, it's it's it's more advised to actually take time. It's not really taking slow. That's not it It's more about genuinely getting to know another human being instead of hey, how's your day going? What's your day like? Hey sexy, what's your day like? Is your day good? Oh my god. I hope you have a good day Did you have a good day? Did your friend have a good day? How was your work day? How was this? How was that? That's just This is what I think about most of the fucking rhetoric that's going on today. You're not asking deeper questions What are the reasons why I created my private coaching program? God, I'm yelling I'm yelling because I'm passionate. What are the reasons why I created my private coaching program is so ladies You can start asking better questions So you can determine if you're being if you're in a relationship where a person is Capable of being in a relationship because it's not leading you on It's just are they capable of going the distance or not and do they have emotional maturity? And that's what I teach in my private coaching. So check out the link to private coaching And schedule a discovery call with me now Let's face it Men want to get laid We this whole idea that men chase and pursuers and hunters. What are we fucking chasing? It's sex. It's not like I mean it's the rare occasion that we find a woman that we put up on a pedestal Yes, it does happen It's rare that we actually put you up on a only emotionally unhealthy people put someone on a pedestal But for the most part when someone's overly excited, it's usually driven by their penis It's not because they want a fully committed relationship with you See like my mom used to say she took what my dad said with a grain of salt And so recognize that men are built this way. We are chasing and hunting sex We're not chasing. I want to be in a relationship. I want to be in a relationship I want to be in a relationship. That's not what they're chasing They may desire that but that's not what they're chasing If they're in hunter chase mode, it's to conquer you in the bedroom Most of the time not always now Emotionally healthy men They pace getting to know a person they pace getting to know a person and what they're looking for is a woman That's paced with them I'm gonna I'd like to think I'm an emotionally healthy guy for the most part When a woman isn't meeting me I'm like off to the next person I I don't have time to you know, wait for you to catch up to meet me where I'm at And what I mean to say is being demonstrative being effusive being inquisitive I can't stand I'll be candid with you one of my biggest frustrations is so many women Don't ask me really good questions. They ask me such boring benign questions. I lose interest really fast That's just me An unconscious male loves a benign woman because he's mostly focused on the body and not the mind And i'm here to encourage again Mindful thinking being demonstrative being effusive being intentional being inquisitive Because that's what's sexy to a high quality man. All right, let's look at the questions that have come in so far Um, yes, I have taken vitamin d and zinc just so you know Um What should I do if I really like someone but he doesn't message me as much as I'd like him You know Stephanie Just tell the guy you like him And then ask him would you like to pursue a relationship together be fucking point blank stop this This expectation that men are the drivers of the relationship Take charge of your relationship destiny. Say, hey, I like you. I'd like to explore a relationship with you Where are you at? And if he acts ambivalent if he acts uncertain That's going to give you most of the answer because if he really likes you he's going to want to invest with you Okay, lead by example stop waiting for men ladies this whole feminine energy and back Let me just leave i'm gonna fall over lean back How fucking good does that work lean in and ask questions? Don't be afraid. Say, I like you. I'd be open to exploring a relationship with you How do you feel and then see what happens? Okay, sorry for yelling Uh jocelyn right what does a mutually beneficial beneficial relationship look like and sound like? So You know in the days of my mom and dad There was relative what's known as mutual exchange. My father was a provider protector He paid the bills. He took care of the bills. My mother took care of the home There was mutual exchange going on now for those of us So that's an old paradigm now the mutual exchange looks like investing in each other in a two lane street Doing social activities together hobbies together Social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together and mutually investing In the conversation about relationships ladies By the way, you have to read this book called eight dates eight dates This is the bible. This is like a bible to look by the by the way john god and julie gotman This teaches you the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship. I'm here to say Look it I spent time in divorce court after my marriage ended And I listened to I was there for a whole day had to listen to a lot of other couples And when I heard all of the complaints in the relationship I thought to myself as a dating coach What I think is a smart thing to do is look at what causes all the problems and reverse it John Gottman did this for you. He reversed engineered it for you So you now know what a healthy happy relationship looks like that's where you want to get started and that's my invitation for you All right Uh, thank you. I am love. I do hope to feel better. What does okay? I'm confused in relationship about loyalty topic if if a human should love Self with knowledge that isn't loyal or if a woman should be loyal Because it's expected or be loyal to oneself. Anna. So I I'm not sure I understand your question fully, but I'm going to try to take it the way I see it So I'm a believer in loyalty in other words If you've agreed to invest your body your your body your mind your heart your soul with another human being Then being loyal to that Is a prerequisite in relationship. Now. We call that monogamy. We call that exclusivity, but we also call that Like my best friend my dearest friend in my life Jeff my oldest one of my oldest friends like if I know some if something's happened in my life He's the first person here when Connor passed away. He was the first person now makes me cry Um, he was the first person at my door And I mean he was bawling his eyes out In fact, I think he was more distraught than I was in that moment But what that demonstrated was loyalty. I keep you know loyalty is I can count on you loyalty is there I've got your god. I'm really getting emotional now. It means I've got your back I've got your back And so loyalty is an I think it's a prerequisite in relationship Now, is it going to happen in the first 30 days? No, is it going to happen in the first 90 days? Starting 90 60, you know 90 days Six months in you should start feeling a sense of loyalty from a person if they've if you've invested a lot of time together And so now is it you know within a year? You should feel like you have a loyal partner not from a loyalty from a place of Infidelity but more from a place of can I count on you? Can I count on you? I was in relationship with a woman for six years Um, my best relationship I've ever had um in my life and while it didn't work out I learned so much about myself and we've actually transitioned to family to one another But there was a time when she had to do a she's a therapist that was on television And she had to do a radio show and she was going to go into a pretty tough neighborhood She called me and said hey, would you come over and drive me to the radio show today? And I was in the middle of work and had stuff going on. I said absolutely I'll be there for you. She could count on me. That's what true loyalty is It's not so much about infidelity is can I count on you when I need you? That's the sense of loyalty to me fact In the honor code for the military the number the first in the honor code of military is don't leave a man Don't leave a soldier on the battlefield scratch that man taking out gender Don't leave a soldier on the battlefield. And that's the same way because that is a sign of honor and loyalty Okay Thank you, Lisa. No need to apologize for being passionate. I appreciate that. Yes, you're correct. Michelle. It was Rizzo from greece What is the main complaint of women divorcing because you explain why men divorce not being appreciated? I think women's most often Is the same complaint not feeling appreciated. This is the common Challenge in relationship it manifests in a variety of different ways Uh, maybe the the partner isn't emotionally available. Maybe the partner is Caustic and mean, but at the end of the day it boils down to appreciation This is why I'm so fucking tired of this rhetoric Of a man won't value you unless he earns you. Let me repeat that a man won't value you unless he earns you That is such a fucking crock of shit Because here's the thing about human beings the minute they get something We're almost preconditioned to want the next best thing and the next best thing and the next best thing So earning something is fucking irrelevant Okay, because once you've earned it you could discard it just as easily Let me tell you what really holds up the test of time and this answers the question When you appreciate someone That is what's going to make someone want to be with you when you feel and they they appreciate you This whole earning it is a crock of fucking shit. I don't care what the fuck John gray said, you know, just because he said it doesn't mean it's true Real love comes from appreciation unconscious people Of course, you need reverse psychology to make the relationship work, but fucking reverse psychology is a crock From a healthy perspective and high quality people don't need reverse psychology for the relationship to work so attention affection Appreciation and acceptance. It's I did a video on this the four secrets to get them addicted to you watch that Which goes into more detail Again, I swear a little Please I let you I hope you feel better Okay, so we're a little all right, let's go in here. I hope you feel better I love when you yell. Are you going to are you ever going to come to win a peg? I would love to level up. Okay. K. M. Rights the level up community has become very toxic and women are being told If we are solo mothers over 35 even on the shorter side, we are bad real estate. What are your thoughts? Okay, everyone. I want to repeat this the level up community, which I don't know what that is has become very toxic And women are being told that if they're solo mothers over 35 and even on the shorter side. We're bad real estate. What are your thoughts? so I'm assuming level up as a men's group now I will I will say if you're raising a child And you're single it is going to be a little more problematic to date someone because A male might not want to be an active active participant in the raising of someone else's child There, you know, I mean and it's going to take a lot of love They have to love you a lot to want to do that now on the shorter side Look, I don't even know what that meant You know, I know I know plenty of guys of five seven that'd be happily dated a woman five foot tall So I think that's irrelevant um So Um, so it's not a bad real estate. That's such a negative thing to say Here's what I want you to lean into if you're if you're a parent and you're raising a child That's one of the most beautiful loving things you can ever do And there are plenty of men who want to date those women and there are plenty of men that don't Okay, there's just there's a lot of both Some men will some men won't but it doesn't make someone bad in real estate And that's just a crock what was told in the level-up community and that's again this reverse psychology bullshit negating here Let me get my cloth here get a good cloth to clean these. Okay, so Um, can you please do a video on men who have never been married in their 40s and 50s? So um I guess the question is Is a woman who's never been married in her 40s 50s bad bet Is a man in his 40s 50s bad bet. Here's the thing Had just because you've been divorced does that make you a good bet? In fact people that come off divorce actually make more or actually make Are more problematic in relationships. So I look at it, you know, who fucking gives a shit whether they were married or not What's most important is how do they show up? And what do they want and asking really good questions ladies? If he's single if he's never been married ask him What does he want and if he acts ambivalent and that's not what you want Then he's not a good bet for you But let me tell you something just because someone's been divorced Before doesn't make him any better bet than a person who's never been married It might Because they actually might be less likely to get remarried a lot of people have been divorced Are less likely to get remarried than those who have never been married In fact, the never married crowd has a greater chance of remarrying than the divorce crowd And for the divorce crowd that crowd that remarries Their relationships end doubly fast if 50 of people end up in divorce the second marriage it's 75 percent and third marriages It's like 85 percent or something like that. That's not an absolute Okay Sorry My guy agrees couples therapy is in order to work on trust issues created in the beginning Would you think this is a positive move my trust issue plants the seeds that maybe he's doing this as a cover side? Um, I am a big proponent of going to couples therapy I'm a bigger proponent of doing individual work and if you have trust issues I highly recommend getting the book Getting the book the hoffman process so you can do a deep dive into your childhood wounds and traumas because most Trust issues start from childhood so address your stuff first And then maybe consider couples therapy You know ladies I've gotten complaints by some people that all I do is pitch books Now I've heard one person say I pitch books so I can make money as an affiliate By the way, I made all of a hundred dollars last year on affiliate sales I do that and I donate that money to my son anyway Um, now I'm also recommending a lot of books. Why because there are inexpensive resources These are beautiful Inexpensive resources to do personal development self-help and spiritual work to shore up Our issues from the inside out and if you're not willing to invest 15 minutes a day in yourself Then don't ever bother being in a relationship because if you're not willing to invest I'm only asking for 15 minutes a day That's three times five. That's it in yourself if you're not willing to do that Then why the fuck then you I'm sorry. I'm cursing here because I'm angry at this one Those people to say now by the way, it's not just reading books. You can do audible books. You can watch videos on youtube about the books I highly recommend that but if you're not willing to invest not but and if you're not willing to invest Then you're I promise you you're gonna have problematic relationships invest in yourself every day Here's a great book to help your relationship read this book Read it How to make love all the time by barba de angeles how to make love all the time great great great book Oh my god. I want to eat this It teaches you how to develop a juicy delicious relationship You don't need to go to some feminine energy workshop. All of this is right at your fingertips Now if you want to learn how to vet man, that's something that isn't taught in books That's something done individualized for you and I can help you with that immensely So check out a I'm going to pitch myself now check out a link to a free discovery call. All right Um Oh lisa big hugs. I am love. I love eight dates hugs. I'm sorry you lost your son. Thank you so much Oh, thank you youtube mama Um, it's a full moon coming emotional and all by the way, I saw the full moon this morning from my balcony Oh my gosh, I can't begin to tell you how awesome it was. Did I take a picture? Actually, here's a picture of my balcony I posted on but oh my god. I saw this gorgeous moonset this morning. So yes, it's a full moon Maybe something's going on there um Becca writes I lashed out on my guy. We only met once but he is hot and cold with me So I'm a little mad at him. I told him he is a catfish I lashed out on guy. We only met once you flashed out at someone you only met once he's hot and cold Have you really had enough time to build anything if you've only met once? That's not a look and uh And you told him he is a catfish. Well, you met him face to face So it's not a catfish. He just might be Emotionally unhealthy that doesn't make him a bad person that just makes him a human being No, I was I am love. No, I was not in the military Stephanie, uh, love how you're passionate. Thanks for your live videos. You're very welcome. No man wants to be No man wants a used woman or raised wait, what? Sorry No man wants a used woman and raised a child. They didn't father That is not true. Mr. New are I have plenty of people I know in fact one of my favorite couples is bedding Stephanie and they merged their chill It was literally like the brady bunch. So yes, mr. New are At you know, maybe unconscious men might feel that way, but then let me backtrack. That's not fair Some men feel that way and some men don't it's just some it's not all um, all right Single dads should date single moms. They understand and have the same priorities as their kids knock right So it's interesting when I after my divorce. I only dated single moms because I figured they were battle tested you know um After a while though empty nesters prefer dating empty nesters people with children might prefer dating with children People that don't have children probably prefer not to date people with children That's probably fairly true on a generalized state That's the case empty nesters prefer empty nesters people with children probably prefer someone else with children And people with no children prefer someone with no children That's not an absolute because I know a lot of women who've never had children that would love to be with a man who has children You know what as my friend always said there's a car seat for there's a there's a butt for every car seat out there There isn't an absolute Some men like things a certain way some men like things a different way and women are the same too Jennifer writes excellent points. Thank you. Sarah writes. I'm in love with a man who says he won't commit to me He's in his 50s. I'm in my 30s. It's been eight years now. He just got close to me now after his mother's death How should I move on He just got close to me now after my his mother's death. How do I move on? um I'm assuming you want to end the relationship. You simply say We want two different things. I'm moving on I don't know how much more simpler is that if you want to move on move on and the relationship Because being with someone who doesn't want to commit. I mean it's Minds me of the scene in harry met sally where sally's girlfriend is in relationship with a married man and you know, this was played by um Oh debbie reynolds a carry fischer and she's like hung up on a married guy Literally when you're with someone for eight years that doesn't want to commit. That's like being with a married man It's do you want commitment if you do then choose someone who wants commitment? It's that simple It's the red pill or the blue pill choose the choose the red pill the guy who wants commitment versus the guy who doesn't God that's expression age. Okay Women initiate 84 of the divorce. So it's more rational to trust the man's point of view Um, I believe it's more like 66 of women initiate divorce, but um, here's the thing Women initiate the divorce because men are fucking lazy Once they're in they they nest in relationship. That doesn't mean that's any just because they don't initiate the divorce Doesn't mean that the relationship is healthy. You know what? You know, in fact the likelihood, you know, most married couples aren't happy because most married couples don't invest in the relationship This is why I want you to read this book Besides eight dates. I want you to read the book spiritual partnership spiritual partnership I want you to read making love all the time when you do these books read the five love languages Here i'll put the spiritual partnership back up. Okay because look Either get busy living or get busy dying if you want to be in a happy relationship Then invest in the core of building the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship and all these books I've outlined is designed to help you get there. Stop being so fucking naive By the way, I curse I get it and today I'm on a roll. In fact, I'm going to show you a little cocktail napkin. I got Fuckity. Fuckity. Fuck fuck fuck now. Why am I cursing so much? It's because I use cursing as an exclamation point. It's literally just to enhance a sentence. That's all it is It's also to wake people up to stop being so naive to think Oh, it's such a fantasy and a man will claim you and you you know He'll be chivalrous and he'll do all the work and all you have to do is sit back and you're feminine Everything is going to be okay. That's a crock of shit It works five percent of the time for princess women and guys who are put women on a pedestal The rest of the population is dysfunctional Actually those that five percent is dysfunctional too. We're all just a bunch of fucked up human beings. Do the best we can Do your inner work do yourself love work Do yourself love work to be prepared? That's my invitation all right Can a confident masculine man be so insecure about his appearance that he may not get involved with someone? Mary Jane Wright Yes, I'm a perfect example. I was you know the other day. I was thinking to myself I got to lose 10 pounds before this date because I put on 10 kovat pounds. I'm Maybe I mean, maybe I'm a feminine man. I don't know I'd like to think I'm a good balance of masculine and feminine only in the sense that I believe in giving and receiving Receiving and giving giving and receiving. That's all masculine feminine is in my opinion so But can I be insecure absolute fucking literally can a man be insecure about maybe loss of hair about maybe Putting on a few pounds maybe about his height absolutely And we cover it up, you know, you know, like chris rock says let's you know Be the ambassador of your best self a lot of times we cover up our insecurities But they're there because the number one emotional health issue facing almost everybody is I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likeable I may repeat that I'm not good enough I'm not lovable. I'm not likeable and we here in the united states have adopted this philosophy that I need you to Love me to feel good about myself. We are suckling on the nip on the on the nipple of I need you to love me for me to feel good about myself. This is why I wrote a book about self love Thank you connor connor you are the inspiration for this book. Thank you so much It is through the loss of a child that I got down on my knees and said what needs to happen To break people open to this area of loving themselves Okay, I'm on a roll. I think you got my point. Thanks mary jane Um, so yes human beings are insecure lisa. Thank you. I am love amen. I wish schools taught more of this Yes, lisa when I go when a client goes through my coaching program They all say the same thing after they do my boot camp. Why didn't they teach this in school? Why didn't my parents teach me this? Why didn't I learn this before I dated that knucklehead? Mr. Noir writes what are women actually doing not saying to actually get and keep high caliber caliber men That they feel entitled to so mr. Noir Is obviously sees the grass from the entitled woman and let me say this ladies There are a lot of women out there entitled Then there are a lot of women out there that are door mats They are door mats. They're the low hanging fruit and then there's another percentage of women that are relatively confident Relatively secure. So mr. Noir is experiencing a lot of the entitled type of women That's why the whole men going their way and maybe this level up is started because of entitled women Those are the the women who seek sugar daddies. Those are the princesses. I get it But not all women are that way mr. Noir Let me tell you there are a lot of women who are door mats and and are When I mean by door mats is they have such low self-esteem. They desire relationship, but they lack self-esteem True self-love is the antidote to all of this because it negates the entitlement and it negates the door mat It helps you become centered. So that's my opinion there Um Bear with me Okay, knock writes Oh cam writes. I know plenty of men who are never Wanted kids of their own, but we're happy to raise others. Yes, exactly Knock writes day the guy who proposed to me and moved to england. He wanted a long distance relationship. COVID happened He's trying to get back what to do. I guess i'm going to have to date other people Knock that's way too complicated question. I have so many questions to ask you I'm not even sure this is a good format to ask that schedule a discovery schedule a call with me And we can get into a lot more detail on that one lisa writes That's an outstanding man who welcomes blending a child or children that are not his Yes, that takes an extraordinary Level of effort to want to take on someone else's children I know personally I have a hard time with that right now, especially after losing my son. I have a real Fear around that because I'm still morning the loss of my child I may not be able to I'm not saying I can't do that But I'm telling you I have a concern that I may not be able to do that if I met someone who's raising children right now I happen to be older. So most likely I'm dating. Um, you know empty nesters anyway, but I'm sharing with you Yes, it does take a level of love and courage to take on someone else's Responsibilities not everybody acts that way my ex-wife's Partner they've been together for almost 15 years. He always he did great job being part of my children's life But he always says Jonathan you're the dad And we had really good discussions around that so Jennifer writes When harry met Sally's my favorite movie no wonder why I'm single. Ha ha ha I had a breakup uh, Becca writes I had a breakup with my ex because he was wishy-washy Well, I wouldn't want to date someone wishy-washy either. Sophia writes. Hi, Jonathan. I've been separated for four months But I stopped Loving him two years ago. I've been working for me For 14 months. I'm ready for a relationship specifically after reading your book. Yay. Congrats, Sophia Jane writes my husband moved out. So I filed for divorce. Does that mean that I initiated it I thought we were very happily married. By the way, this happened over 20 years ago You know who cares who who really cares who initiated it? Yes, you initiated it from the legal perspective, but he initially by the way Women who filed for divorce the guy checked out a long time ago is usually the case Casey writes ha ha. Where did you get that napkin? I don't know. I got this at a party this napkin um Kim writes sorry. I'm late to mail writes. We are all adults because we all we're all adults cuss Wait, we are all adults cuss all you want. Thank you kim Michelle writes. Do you think you can be friend? Wait, do you think you can be friends with a guy that you're interested in? He's been through two marriages. He doesn't want another relationship I don't know if I should stay friends with him or just walk away why does What does it first off? What does friendship mean to you? Does it is it a social friendship or is it I've got your back kind of friendship? Be you know, because it takes a long time to develop. I've got your back kind of friendship social friendships I've got 10 000 social friends. It's called facebook. Does that mean does it mean anything? No True friendship is like my best friend who showed up at my door when my son passed away That's a true friend and those are the people I invest in and I know it takes Months years if not decades to make that happen and that's my invitation for you Uh knock writes all the women I know were the ones who filed for divorce because uh, they were men were cheating. Well You know, what makes a man what makes a person cheat? What makes a person cheat? We've got a book Chatting or cheating by the way, everyone. This is my ex-girlfriend dr. Sherry mires Fantastic woman wrote this book called chatting or cheating. Here's the thing Why do people cheat they're miserable in their relationship and they want connection with another human being So it's the the act itself is irrelevant. The y is more important now Some people want to have a marriage and they want to have a sexual partner somewhere else Yeah, but most people cheat because they're miserable in their marriage and so actually And most of the time the women were miserable as well A lot of people stay in miserable marriages and then when they find out someone cheated They're like, oh my god, but i'm like you're in a miserable marriage So what so be happy that it's over. Anyways chatting or cheating great book All right, we're going to be wrapping up in a few minutes Thank you. I am love my guy is five six. I always say he's taller than me. I've known metaphorically. Hey yoga preacher writes. Hey Okay, and f or t f writes. Do you think a relationship can come out of a friends with benefit situation? You know interesting enough. I do believe that is possible It's possible when two people communicate Consciously with each other. Is it absolutely possible? And if you want it to happen I definitely recommend reading a date to make it happen But yes, it's possible. Is it likely probably not All right, nox says, thank you. Wow Ah Wow, thank you for the hearts. Thank you all for the love. I'm going to recap really quickly Five things you never want to do Or five things you want to do you want your actions to match words Oh, we're i'm going to do another movie a trivia question in a second You want your actions to match words you want to have victor consciousness not victim consciousness You want to know how to fight fair You want to be empathetic and you want to be transparent That's what you know when you're not any of those things that kills attraction for men and women alike Okay, so let's do another movie trivia question here Oh, here's a good one. Here's a really good one Can't fight wait a minute. Oh, which real life couples starred in the 1987 film Overboard which real life couples starred in the 1987 film called overboard how apropos this couple has stood the test of time hollywood couple They seem to be very happy with one another I suspect they're happy with one another because they have a real conscious intentional relationship They actually talk to one another ladies. I'm so tired of women not learning I say tired, but I want to encourage you all to learn healthy communication skills. Yes, you're correct With the answer there read this book called nonviolent communication by marshal Rosenberg. This teaches you I guarantee you anything goldie and kurt have learned compassionate communication And they they are they probably are the epitome of what's in this book So that's my invitation for you to read these books that i'm talking about and read my book Well, what the heck is self-love anyway? And if you'd like a little more piece of me Then check out the link to my group called midlife love mastery This will give you a chance to talk to me on a regular basis through a private facebook group I've created in a once a month webinar and it's only 20 a month to be part of the group and it's very personalized and very intimate Okay, I got to tell you this has been an absolute blast to share with you. I'm a little bit sick I did get tested for covet it came back negative. So i'm happy to hear that But from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you all for jumping on this live you guys You ladies have been so kind so loving especially about my son connor My other son collin you've been asking about him. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart I can't begin to tell you how much your love means to me I say this because like many of you i'm lonely Covid hit me just as hard as anyone else and is through the love and kindness from all of you That has helped me navigate this tough experience My hope is that the love and kindness that i care in the passion that i have for this Has made a difference in your life and if it has made a difference in your life Do me a favor hit that like button right now Share this video with your friends. Please tell everyone about my channel I would be immensely grateful and if you'd like some personal personal touch Check out a link to a discovery call to see if working with the coach is right for you Again hit that like button right now. I want to thank you so much Please thank you. Thank you. Thank you and i'm going to sign up this video as I always do first off Give myself a big check in and shout out the mirror hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a teddy bear or a pillow and give it and them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love And we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye Thank you. I am love. Thank you. Anna. Thank you clip. Thank you knock. Thank you tracy. Thank you lisa. Thank you, jennifer Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. Goldie hawn jane dc Surge michelle jennifer jenna With love. Thank you all so much. Bye. Bye now