 Very good morning to you. Thank you so much for being part of this show. This is power talk My name is Rob Maguco and this is why 254 TV. Thank you so much for being part of today's morning conversation Mine and you know as always we value your feedback I hope that you've woken up well and find this particular Thursday morning It is the 28th of October 2021 and today we have a lot in store for you in our conversation It's all about dating and social media Today we are talking about the effects of social media Can social media affect your dating lifestyle? Can it affect who you date? Can it affect how your relationship will be and how it will flow? And should is it okay to post about your relationship on social media? What about your achievements? Relationship goals? What about your marriage? Now that you're getting married You know the kind of an effect on the things you post online We've seen many people who normally get enthusiastic after their wedding Especially after their wedding they now get social media If you are a pastor, then you are now a birizaid So how does dating and social media have an effect on each other? And how can you balance between the two especially in this age and time? Well today I'm joined by a fantastic panelist on this particular conversation right here And next to me I'm joined by Sarah Mouni She is a life coach and a corporate trainer Karebsana Sarah Ask Anteoram, you look sharp and doubt her You must be ready for this dating position Okay, thank you I'm joined by Anthony Jaga who is in the middle there He is a counseling psychologist, Anthony Thank you He is a good guy He is a good guy He is a good guy He can do any kind of flogging He can do any kind of flogging We are a national broadcaster, Y254 Amazing, but we are not fit You look nice Thank you To my extreme right You look the part You know I look the part Yes Hey you guys today You know Now we will start with such a note Now we are going to speak about dating We need to start with you know looking the part Looking the part I look the part I am joined to my extreme right By Sam Ofola He is a pastor and counselor Karebsana Sami Thank you Ram Thank you You are welcome Thank you Thank you Remember we are coming to you live From the Bukarasing house here in Nairobi, Kenya We are also live on our website www.kbc.co.ke4slashy254 Head over to Facebook And show that you also drop in your comment On the comment section below You will be able to see on our Facebook page Like the page And then scroll down You will be able to see our photo Drop in your comments On that particular platform And I shall sample your feedback As you continue with today's show Ensure that you also tell us Where are you watching us from And we value your feedback As always Thank you so much for being part Of today's show I repeat of this show As again tonight At 10 p.m. Ladies and gentlemen This is power talk Let's get it going Alright Now Now who do I start with Who do I start with Ladies first Ladies first Okay Okay So I start with you Sara Dating Social media Two things that I would like to call Chemical elements Yes I don't know if You mix them together Will it be reactive Explosive Or will it for that You know Chemistry That when you mix them They form that good color And then Is it going to be Producing a pungent smell Alright And how is it going to be Dating on social media How do you balance Between the two In your own view Yes So first of all In this day and age We don't go online We live online So you need to To get people If you're serious About dating You need to go To where people are You know And people are online Yeah And like right now You know Just before We started this show Everybody was Just busy Yeah Tweeting Yes So you Want to really engage People out there Most of your day In your house No But you're here You're spending Most of your day On social media So I'm just saying If you're serious About dating You need to present yourself Or at least You need to go Where people are You need to position yourself You need to Be out there So dating And social media These are two things That will not be That are not We can't Separate We cannot separate Because many of us Are there This is the days And times You know That this time You know You can just meet Somebody Whether it's in charge Or what have you And all that But somehow Somewhere You will If you really Continue In that relationship You find yourself In social media You know Both of you You find yourself Yeah Even if you Didn't start Online Even if you Started offline You still Find somewhere If you really Successfully That's an interesting way Of putting it They have a place In section of the Bio Where they Get to know Your Relationship Yes Of course it will be It's complicated And they put all of those Things because I know People are at different Stages in life It's complicated Open relationship Close to whatever They'll put all of those There But for most people You know They won't want to say If I'm dating Or I'm not You know So it's just silent We don't know Anthony Let me come to you Is it okay Would you advise somebody To put their dating Or relationship status On social media Thank you so much For that question First of all To that question It all depends on someone It all depends with you You know Before you guys Now decided to Do this relationship Before you guys Now decided to date And be together Social media Was not there Maybe it was Maybe it wasn't You understand But now It's all about you two It's all about the love That you two have created So I'd say If you want to post Your boyfriend Or your girlfriend Or your wife Or your husband Or social media It's fine It's okay To you You're okay with that And if to you It doesn't come in Between what you do Then it's fine Okay Yes Sam You open remarks And you guys Do this Dating on social media As a pastor As a concert Social media is good And say Dating Can start on social media But it shouldn't Stay on social media Powerful Because It can start It can start On social media It shouldn't Stay on social media Yes If you're careful You look on Maybe If you check Most people on Facebook You'll realize that Most people are graduates On Facebook Yes, Sam Most people are graduates Online What I mean I mean to say That They show you the part of them That they wish you to know On social media But in real life Per ground Bit only different They usually say In social media Namu won't be aware Namu will repeat Social media People will post for you What they want you to see Yes But per ground Bit only different You know One thing Ram People should understand Every person has a role model Can I talk on a role model You understand So you might be thinking Maybe the person Who you're looking up to On social media Is posting The lifestyle You know People should stop Copying Copying the lifestyle Or the relationship Of two couples Or two people In social media And trying To base it on their relationship That's how most relationships end Because there's a comparison Part of it And you know Comparison is very dangerous Ram Very dangerous So if you compare Relationship For example Ram Let's say If you compare your relationship And maybe How you guys are happy You understand So I try to implement You know You know You know Whatever things You know So you want to say I'm at this relationship Of mine See As you afford some of these things So what will I do to that Now I want us to take And touch on different scenarios As we have this conversation And I love How all of you are saying You're saying At the end of the day We all agree Social media is here to stay Now it's all about Understanding there They do some of the don'ts Let's take An example of Before dating We will go before During and after Before you start dating That particular individual You'll realize that You've just been seeing them online You know You've just been Admiring their photos Looking at how They present themselves online How should you handle yourself Because there is a youth Who is watching yesterday And wondering How do I handle myself In the presence Of this particular person We've never met We only see each other's Stereosis We like We comment But we never That particular interaction Online Before you actually Get to meet somebody Yes I think first of all It's good to observe The values of a person Because one of the things That make you Really tick You know And really even Meet several times Have several days Or even Create a relationship Is if You share the same values So you need to watch A person For some time And then Because sometimes you may Just go for the look Most people just go for the look So he's a hot guy You know So you start You sleep in the inbox But it's good to see To look at their values also And when You get to see Somebody's values From what they say Because anything you say Let's us into your mind You see Every time you speak You are letting us into your mind We know the quality Of your mind So you're able to get The quality of that person And say Is this a person Who I'm interested in Then also What do you want Do you just want to cash you Just dating Just to meet people Just networking Or do you actually want A real relationship You need to be able to know What you want Because you can tell From whatever From the person If this is a serious person Like I can meet Or not It's possible to tell From the way they behave And they think You can tell You can tell The kind of person You can tell the values They always post Being on a party Party party And that's your lifestyle Then there's possibly Somebody you can party together If it's somebody Who they are posting Stuff about life They are They can have fun They are posting Some nice Inspirational things And maybe And that's You value that Maybe it's somebody That you can speak with And then also There's now The part of I now need to speak To this person So Of course When you slide in books It's important To the people Seeing the highs You know That person Who just say hi And then Maybe I say hi back Then I say hi again You know How are you You know Just Yes You imagine Nobody has time This is nobody has time For that nonsense Unless You know They don't have time So what you do So it's important Ram Please If you're interested With somebody Who found this girl And you don't know Who I am Passionate about this Or tell them I'm interested In you And I want to meet you I think that What you do You know Just go ahead Compliment them And make your Whatever it is That you want to see Make it known Make your interest known Now Regardless of the gender Yes Regardless of the gender The gender Whether you're a lady Yes Whether you're a lady Or you're a guy It doesn't do any harm Even if I'm a lady And I find a guy Who's interesting I like that The opposite I like I want to meet you Yes You see now In Kitambo We wouldn't do that Because you know Yeah The guy has to initiate No, no, no But now today We are living in You know Different times You know Yeah So Yeah I'll support what she says But I'll also say that Social media is full of masquerades Most times The things we see On social media Are not real In the actual world So I'd say Maybe before you Make up your mind To start dating someone It is important that you First, you know Meet them Outside social media But the question is Let me stop you there The question is You cannot make a plan To meet somebody You don't even know Who they are And you don't know a said That's what I said Social media is full of Of people who masquerade themselves To be Yet that's What they present Is not who they are How do you know That that is a con man How do you know That that's a thief How do you know That's even a murderer That's an example And also How do you know That the good legs You are seeing On social media Are toothpicks in real life Yeah I think that's what I was saying It's important you Just observe somebody Post I'm telling you Every time you speak You're letting people into your mind And you are your mind You are what you think So it's able to Pick somebody's character Somebody's value Even if you don't pick everything You can pick just a few For you to get the sense That this person I can meet And this person I can't If they go ahead And respond And maybe you meet Then when you meet The person In person You're able to learn More from them If it works out Several other You continue learning The person You know So I think that You may not be At least It's good at least You do your homework You know Don't just look at it She's beautiful So are you saying Before you start dating You say You go through That person's profile Get to see the things They post It's called due diligence Yeah You want to Yeah It's called due diligence Due diligence Before you DM this lady Before this lady DMs you Some of the things you do Some of the things you post You know You can't just DM somebody And you don't know Which type of person This person is Maybe you might be DMing A murderer You might be DMing a drug dealer You first have to go through The social media Yes Don't go through Let's say For example I have come across I don't know Sarah Let's say for example I don't know Sarah And I just like How she posts And everything And I have seen The posts That she does And everything But now This is the problem There are people who Normally make posts That don't necessarily reflect What they believe in What they believe in And by that I'm not saying That is who they are But that's what they say They say that Whatever you see on social media Is not me If you don't get to know me Talk to me And get to know me Because they will post things That appear to be rude I laugh and say But no That's just for social media That's just for the glam So you may This is Saban Who is very rude online But they will tell you You're not posted to Let me tell you How you do one thing Is how you do everything So you've already taken Your rudeness online It means It's already in abundance You know Even the people around you You've already spread it Out there And now You don't know Where else to spread Other than social media So you cannot How you do one thing How you are In one place Everywhere you go So those people who will say that No This is even if I Draw jobs here And there it's political What have you Even in person That person Even if you meet them That person is toxic That person You know They will use the same jobs They use out there To you So you are trying Just act you in your Social media If there is something Even And you find people Who are very You know They insult And what have you Let me tell you Even now Maybe you're even insulting You They've done something To someone else But you know Now What if somebody does Something to you That you didn't expect To them You know They'll use the same kind Of insults And that's who they are Yes That is who they are Yes So you say That's just Social media It's just It's just You have to defend Us Of course We have to defend ourselves If you meet That person In real life That person 100% the way he or she Is portraying himself Or herself On social media Or 60% But I want to I want to talk about Ladies first I don't know if it is true I don't know if As a lady This is what you are Going through As a lady They get so many Inboxes from men Mm-hmm Mm-hmm As a woman You know You know You know You know You know You know So What would be Our advice Because I don't know if it is common In men All I know is That it is common in ladies If it is common in men You can tell me As a man You've been getting Also inboxes But I have seen And heard many ladies Complain That they are getting So many approaches From men online Of which most of them Are from Some certain region What would be Your advice to that particular lady Before I come to you As a lady And say Just as she said Do your homework As a lady Do your homework And get it You mean the lady You mean the lady She said I would like you To send you a friend request A whole community To send you a friend request There was a day Someone had a learner And said I am receiving a thousand Friend request I am a celebrity What is happening To my inbox As my account I have been asked Because I am not A friend request I am a Adversed to the ladies Watching you And they put approach from this guy, Hamji Vizuri, and they will see no posts available. I think that's what it is. No posts available. What should we do? Scam. Ignore. That would be my advice. Ignore. If someone has nothing to show on their social media, they have nothing that tells you about them on their social media. It means you really can't gather information about them. Ignore. The lady who is getting so many friend requests and DMs, it's according to me, what she is posting. It depends. If someone has something to show on their social media, let me tell you something Ram. She doesn't like it. People don't have any approach to DMs. If someone has something to show on their social media, they have nothing that tells you about them. If someone has something to show on their social media, they like it. They say, You know, men, we are men Ram. We are women. We are two men. We are a part of the body. That's why I don't like DMs. You understand? So, what advice I can tell this lady is one thing. When you are late, when you are in Malaysia, When you are late, when you are in Malaysia, what you post really shows who you really are. You attract what you are. Yes. So, start posting photos come up on your phone. You can take a picture. You can just post the photos at least you are decently dressed. Because again, this is what you find with the 23-year-olds, 20-year-olds, who you are joining in campus and whatever. You will only take photos showing a certain part of your body. So, what happens? You only attract people who are only interested with only that part. They don't want anything else to do with you. And when they get it, they are done. They don't want to know about your heart, your brain, how you reason and see life. No, no, no. You see, that's what you are showing us. Yes. That's what you are showing us. And for me, if I can get it and that's all without having any attachment to you, that's fine. Now, let me give another example. There are many people who complain about men who are always online. Men who are always sending selfies. I don't know if you have seen them, if you have not complained. But, oh, this guy, why is he always online? What does he like posting photos of himself? Selfies. I have nothing against it. Yes. But it is there. It's the same version. Is it a problem to see a man always online, always posting photos of himself and always taking selfies? It's not a problem, Ram. It's not, in Nile too, society perspective, I don't know if it's true or not. I don't think it's a story agenda based violence. A man is supposed to do this and that. A man is supposed to be working, he's not supposed to be on the phone on social media all the time. But it's okay. If you're okay with it, if you see me, I don't want to see a man like that, I don't want to see a man like that, bro. Take your photos, bro. Take your photos. I don't want to see a man like that. Okay. Yes. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. The lady who told me, ah, that guy likes selfies, I cannot date such a guy. Masculinity, society, and I say, oh, she's a woman. But there's nothing wrong with taking selfies, really. And like I said, we live online. But this is what I always say. If you're gonna be online, you know, because it's good you account for your time, if you're gonna be online, make sure you are engaging either learning activity or an economic activity. I know we have taken our small businesses, you know, start up whatever you need online. You have a page, you need to try to manage and all that, yeah. So you may find somebody who's online all the time. Say, you know, you have logged in with your computer, you may add up, you know, and question it to your own life, but you're doing your stuff. So it's possible that, you know. But then we also have the lazy ones, yeah. Because it's only to swipe. Now, there's no sense. Nothing sensibly composed, yeah. It's just laziness and just swiping, swiping, swiping, seeing what Bahati did in the weekend. What these other ones are doing, what you see. So it's good that you be accountable for your time, and also you do things that are valuable, that add value to, you know, they don't take value for you, they're taking time, you know. Just swiping and swiping and swiping. Are you learning? Are you selling? Are you promoting yourself? Are you positioning your brand, you know, out there, you know? Yeah. I think that notion comes in because people think when a man is online all the time, maybe he's spending most of his time online, he's in some way irresponsible, you understand. But I say if you are online, well, there are people that are online, yet they are very responsible out here. Yes. So I don't see the connection between being online and being responsible because if being online is adding in to you, is adding something to you, why not be online? So I don't see any problem there. All right, all right. Now this before dating, how can you be able to detect a potential partner? Before you start, you know, just online, is it possible to detect a potential partner in a way that doesn't also harm your self-esteem and doesn't also, you know, have a breach in terms of your security? Yes. This is possible, Ram. Number one, everybody has his or her own quality type of lady or man that you or she wants. So you can't just go for anybody or DM anyone on social media or go to inbox him, to you or te, without first having to check, doing a background check on the qualities. Yes, and as a, maybe to him or her, is posting something, maybe not real, but you know, qualities, none of the qualities, everybody has a quality, quality kiviake. So maybe come around and spend that day man over a mini-scut. You'll go for her. Of which let me make it public, sit and... Who is the one that, Manisumakki. And, fair. I would like you to put on that mini or that, whichever thing that is exposing in the house. Come on to Koinje, cover it up. Because I personally have this thing of, What other men are seeing, if it's the same as what I'm seeing, they're not in the valley. But I see when don't I enjoy it? Yes, you can be able to detect. Actually, that's our thing. You have to do your due diligence, just checking this person the way they post or even maybe it's somebody in church, somebody you meet baby or you can go, you know, you can even call this person by EHI, you go for a date and all that, you can do that. It's good you do your background check on this person, but also I know, you know, it's also good to pray, you know, I'm big on prayer. It's also good to pray or so that you also don't go meeting everybody, telling everybody you're interested in them, you know. For me, I believe when you commit something to God, you tell the Lord that, you know, this is a time you feel you want to settle down or you want to date somebody. I know the Lord can also lead you to the person. I love what you're saying and Pastor, let me come to you because she has mentioned that thing on prayer. Is it okay for a Christian, for someone like you, a pastor, to get into online dating? Online dating? What do you mean by online dating? So make yourself out there, you're open, it's open season, you're looking for a potential person, you know, you're just talking online. Sharing information out there, you know, you're looking for a husband, you're looking for a wife. As a person, you're getting those near, you're replying them, you're now planning to, you know, get serious. You've not met yet. There is no problem. The world is evolving. That is why you will see their pastors preaching online today. They are catches, you know, airing their live services online. So the world is evolving. And so even as a Christian, there is a way you can begin engaging someone online. But that's why I began by saying it should start online, but it shouldn't stay online after, you know, talking and all that, you now get to meet. And before you decide on dating, because I believe that social media will can only give you a platform to get to start engaging someone, get to know them, but you have to make up your mind to first meet them. Now, according to some studies, it found that those who are dating people, who overshare on social media tend to have lower relationship satisfaction through positive posts about the relationship itself, even now, and then seem to mediate that effect, meaning that at the end of the day, they have lower relationship satisfaction. So the more you post, the lower your satisfaction is. What I can say is, you know, social media, even though you post for us how you guys are happy, one thing you need to understand that not everybody on social media is happy for you. Not everybody is positive about your relationship. Congratulations. You know, congratulations can be maybe congratulations. Wow. You know, one thing I tell people, people may be telling you congratulations in whatever you do, you graduate, you marry, you get a boyfriend or get a kid, and you think the congratulations is actually real, but not everybody wishes you well. And let me tell you something. Yes, they don't define your relationship, but they are people who have bad eyes. Now, let's get into this aspect of now dating. Is it possible to experience real love, true love on social media? Sarah? On social media. You experience true love on social media. You see, the thing is, as we are saying, it has to start from somewhere. If it started on social media, that's okay. But then we have to bring it, you know, now we have to bring, because, you know, for you to get real love, you must, you must be building it, you know. Real love, you build it yourself. And real love means you are real. This other person is real. We can't just remain up there. So we have to meet and start working out things together. What do you love? What don't you love? And all that. What can I compromise? What can I compromise about you? You see that. So, yes, it's possible to get true love, you know, through social media, but you have to build it. You have to really build it. So you'll be talking, talking, talking, building it every single day? Of course. You'd have to do that. You are speaking every day you're building, every day when you speak. And let me tell you, there are people who have been together for 50 years, you know, because I've read many books and I also have our parents also, they've been together for maybe 50 years, 40 years, 30 years. And then we just want to say, I didn't know he's like this. Or I didn't know this about him. I didn't know this about her. You continue learning the person. You continue learning the person. When you're doing that, you are building the relationship, you know. So yes, it's very possible. Let me just comment on the question you asked, because you asked if it's possible for maybe a born again Christian or maybe a pastor to get online. That's not a question. Yes. So for me, you see, even the word of God says that through him or things were made, or including social media. If you're going to use social media to create as you say it, you can also use it. God has can have somebody for you, maybe in Kenya, you're messing around with boys and girls in UN. And God, your wife is in Australia. Your wife is in South Africa. Your wife is in, it's possible. Yes, it's possible that God has the person who you build your life with in another place. And that's where you will meet. So we should explore. I know that those of us who are Christians, born again Christians like me. So it's possible you can be in Kenya, and your wife is in the United States, South Africa, UK, wherever. And you're messing around with everyone in the village. Please, no, no, no, you at least. I want us to take a short break. I want us to take a short break. And then after this, we'll be back with much more. I want us to also find out when you guys are dating online, a lot of you are starting to make plans to meet physically. But I'm good at it. I'm good at it. I'm good at it too. When you're submitting plans and a cancel, submitting plans and a cancel, is it a bad sign that this person is not original? Yes. We'll be back after that. Keep engaging with us. That's why it's part of show at Ram Maduko, at Y254 channel. Let's take that short break. We'll be back in a bit. This is part of Y254. Imagine. All right. Welcome back. Thank you so much for being part of this morning conversation right here on Y254. And sure that you engage with us on our Facebook platform. The hashtag is Y in the morning on Twitter, at Ram Maduko, and that Y254 channel. This is Power Talk, and it's all about dating and social media. And before we went on that break, we were talking about now dating now. Danny says I'm going to date. You guys are dating. And let me ask Anthony. Yes. And I want you to be very, very frank when it comes to this particular aspect here, because I know it is happening to somebody who is watching you, who is watching us today. Is it possible? And is it, is it, is it realistic? And can someone be in love with somebody they've never met? Yes. It is very possible. You've never met them? Yes. But you love them? Yes. Very possible. Very. Sorry. It's possible. Possible. Very possible. 100%. Come on, you guys. What do you mean? Yes. You love somebody. You've never met them. You're on the same line. Yes. So it's normal. Very normal. Yes. It's very normal. It's very normal. Because you see, when you start, once you start talking and you realize that you guys are vibing, you're getting each other, you're getting into the emotions of, you know, when we start sharing emotions with somebody, feelings and all that, you know, you start to bond. You start to get close. So it's very possible. It's very possible. People date even for months and even years, one or two years, one person is USA, one person is in Nigeria, another person is in another country. Yes, it happens. It happens. What about the scenario where, before we went on that break, I gave a scenario where you want to meet, but just, every time you plan to meet, it just doesn't come to pass. Because your time you start afresh. You continue and then you plan to meet again. Something happens when you start afresh. Is that a bad sign? Yes. I believe that is a signal. Well, I'll speak as a pastor here and I'll say that there are some covenant people that God can never allow them, just anyone because of, you know, the mandate and the assignment upon them. That is why God will not allow them to meet because he knows when they meet maybe, you know, there's a part God plays and there's a part man plays. So there are people, God knows when they meet, should they meet, you know, they will miss their spouses. Yes. Okay. Yes. So I think if you always plan, you always plan, it doesn't happen. It should, you should really get a cue from that. Either it's not supposed to be or one person is not committed at all. Or if you always have to argue, they can, somebody can't manage their emotions, you know, and you have never met. Now you meet and when you, how will they be handling their emotions? Every time they have to argue because one thing, you cannot build anything like that. You just walk away. But I want to, I think what also pastor is saying is very important also, because God also can't be protecting you from something. Every time you plan something to meet with some, it doesn't work. Even if it's not a relationship, maybe it's a business. But every time I plan to meet with this person, I either see you and I try to work with you. Every time, every time, sometimes God may be protecting you from something, from meeting that person. Yeah. All right. Now, even as you, as you talk on that, what about couples who compare each other? You know, you, you've seen instances where people end up saying, ah, this couple that is dating online and that couple that is online, you start comparing and then you're like, okay, um, this one looks like the best couple. Now it becomes bad where it is now you comparing your relationship with someone else's relationship that's also online. How do you handle that? What I can say, Rama, how you can handle that is, first of all, when you two decided to date or to do this relationship together, see how, when you're not compare yourself to, you know, you two decided to do it together. So just do it. At a comma, you have struggles and challenges. Those are your challenges, not their challenges. You understand? So comparison in our, in our relationships and in the, the marriages and everything is very wrong because it killed your relationship very fast. Cause it doesn't mean that, uh, you how in Guinea, I call happy doesn't mean that you was will be all through happy. And there's not, there's no relationship or marriage in so we should stop comparing our relationship with other people. Yes. Yes. I'd say every relationship is unique in its own way. So, uh, the moment you begin comparing your relationship with another one, you are beginning to fail, especially online. I told us, uh, people only show us what they want us to see online. They were Jesus, the, the Bahatis and all that. They never tell us what happens behind the scenes. Hey man, they were Jesus family. Yeah. Marriage goes, marriage goes. In the psychology part, not, not every time people posting how happy they are, things are not always as they look. Never. You won't say that. You are making money. Yeah. That is for click. That is for click bit. Yes. Yes. We argued what and new people, because that's the kind of thing that all they were arguing, the people click, you know, they were not, they're in business. Yeah. So when the real arguments are taking place, the real, no, no, those ones would happen. Those ones will not. I mean, Jesus and Nulia will be Gary, Gary, but uh, you know Nulia, very, very funny. One example is these proposals people make. Someone proposed to their lady with a Mercedes Benz there and balloons falling from the sky. I don't know where they were planted. Balloons falling from the sky and then those confettis and then you can have a fire works up with you and then they post it online. Now you're like, okay, I can't wait for my day. Social media pressure. Yes. Because now if this maybe you might even find this, this man talking to you and all that, you know, but then if those are the things that you're inspired, that inspire, you say, oh my God, one day I don't want, you know, such a surprise, such a world, a whole party. Yes. But you see, I think it's good to also live within what you have, you know, don't pressure yourself. And if we find even a lady or a man who's pressuring you to give you a lifestyle that they cannot manage, that you cannot manage, it will not work. You will not handle it. Yeah. It will be stressful. No, it will be stressful and draining. I want us to give you another example here. You have, you're dating and this person desires to send your text. I need 200 chillings. I'm joining. Okay, we can get different examples. One, maybe I'm joining. You just started dating. You've met online. If you're not dating, I need I need one thousand to finish off my rent. I need this amount of money to go for pedicure, is that a bad signal? They're not looking for love. They need help. They are looking for help. Yeah, they are looking for help. So yes, those ones, you just leave it again. You can manage that and do it. But they're not looking for love. They're not somebody who's really interested in somebody that will not be going all of a sudden they are going out asking for money. They are going, well, no. And most people, by the way, these days are looking for help. They are needed either with emotional things, or the money or what they are looking for things. They are not looking for love. So you need to be very careful. The kind of person who's coming to talk to you and asking, where do you work? You know, how much do you, at some time you find you are very, you know, without even asking how much you earn. And you've just met something like that. What kind of car do you drive? What if they ask you after like a month or two of dating online? You know, there's that part of getting to know each other. You open, you tell each other things and all that. So you decide what to reveal when. You don't reveal everything about yourself, you know, I work in this bank, I drive this kind of car, live in this kind of car, I pay 20K rent or 30K rent, everybody. You're telling this person that, oh, you know, you cut, you know, you have money. So if somebody, they can take advantage, it can be very easy for them to take advantage of you. But if it's somebody who's really just interested in you, you find they will not be interested in this stuff. They just want to know about you. Can you send money to your girlfriend? You've never met, you've never met, but you're dating, maybe you've done it for around six months. But you've never met? You know, let me tell you something. It depends on your expectation. So I want to try it. When the ladies even test you, you want to come out of it. You know nowadays, when this generation, money is everything, what you want to value, money, you want to come up and see. You understand? You need to make the 1,000 shillings only. I'm not sure. Hey, I'm not sure. I have a girlfriend. I will take what I don't have. No, you better choose one of them. Choose one of them Ram. Choose one, leave the others. Don't put me on the spot. Now, I want to see you touch on another perspective. You've broken up and you've gotten a new catch. You know that these people who, when they break up, they will go online and they will now post their new bay. Or break up Noyo or post Mingina Jena. And for some, they end up deleting those previous photos. But those who will just return the photos, but they will keep posting their new bay every single time. How does this come to be? Is it actually positive? Does it have an effect? Or is it just okay? The internet does not forget. We should start from there. In other words, these are maybe, let's say, for example, a lady. This lady is trying to get back to the ex using another man. Which is very wrong. I believe once you have been posting your bay online, online, online, and now you've broken up, please give us space, give us time. Give us time. Let's first of all digest the reality that you people are no longer together. So in some way it also shows us how desperate you are in a way. So posting your boyfriend, the current one, in your view is a sign of desperation. It depends with the duration. When did you break up? Then when is the right time to post your bay on social media? When is the right time? When is the right time? When do you do it? When do you finally introduce them? It's now official. This is my personal opinion. The right time to post your bay online is a few months to your wedding. Exactly. A few months. Give me tentatively how many months. It all depends. Maybe if you want to have an engagement, I believe the best time is during that engagement. Because I believe an engagement is asking someone's hand in marriage in a few months. He goes unbendingly. Yes. I believe actually you can post maybe before that, but I believe just a few months when you are sure that this thing is going to work, this thing. We are working on the same path, this thing will lead to something. Let me come to you, Sara. I think for me it depends with the intent. What's your intention when you're posting? Is it to make somebody else jealous? You find that there are people like that. You don't even delete the other photos or really started posting new ones. To make the person say, by the way, I've moved on and all that. And if they block you or you find they are not there, they don't even, it's like they block you or something. You saw posting because it was to get back at somebody. So for me, I think it depends with the intention. And also I think I'll also go with what Pasta says for me. If it's about posting, let's post things that have already been cemented. Yes. And things that are, you know, because you see, like you were saying, there are people who, you are just posting a relationship that's a week old. Two weeks old. A month, two, three months, you know. And there are people out there so jealous. You'll be saying they're saying that and all that. It's good to build things, you know, you know, off. Build things. When now they are fully cemented, the family knows. I think for me that would be an ideal time when you can start posting. But for me, also it's the intention. What's really the intention? Is it to get back at somebody? It's... What I can say is, I'd like to say something. It's not a must you post your boyfriend or your new boyfriend on social media. It's not a must also you post your relationship on social media. You can keep it private. When you two decided to date, we were not there. You can decide to put it private, but let nobody pressure you to post you on social media. Or to post the other person on social media. What's equal willingly, but it's not a must. It's not a must. It's not a must. There are people who always complain. And I know there is someone who is in this particular situation. That guy has never put you on their status or anything. So he complained. Is it cheating on me? Manipulators. Bro, why have you... I know I have status. I know I have profile picture. Are you cheating on me? Is there a problem? And they will say you must put me on your status. Science and... And you must put me on your profile picture. It's only science is an assistive person. And my hands could develop. Yes. You know, an assistive person needs to be controlled. They will say you are a fan of the attack. So if you are under pressure to put me on your post, you must be aware. You are an assistive person. You must be aware that you are under pressure to put me on your post. Just be careful. Okay. You know I'm pressurizing you to do anything. You are in a relationship with somebody, but they always have to pressurize you to do things that you don't want to do. I think you won't go. It will be very toxic. You won't go far. But you know how they see it? Yeah. If you love me... If you love me... If you love me... Post me on your status so that we chase away these ladies who are interested in you. You know what? I didn't examine them. Because they are like that. They are like that. They are like that. They are like that. They are like that. They are like that. No, but you see, if somebody is really secure, even if you are not posting, but I'm secure the way we talk, I'm secure in knowing that you love me and that I love you, I'm secure in that. There's no need. You won't find somebody really pressurizing you. But if somebody who they are always jealous, this is the kind of person who you pass somewhere, maybe you say hi to a lady friend, somebody you work with, and then they want to know who was that. They want to snoop through your WhatsApp. They want your passwords. No, you can't. You cannot. That's the character you want. Some people, they will be okay dating their colleagues, but not their wife or their husband. I think insecurity is real. Especially with these loyalty test things. Yes. I will put you on my profile and you put me on yours. We will put you on your profile. You are not telling us? You mean? Maybe. I will be the one to post my posts. I will be the one to post my posts. I will be the one to post my posts. What about these family's posts? So these families that always post everything they do. They say, hey, good morning, to go Dianne with me, hey, you know, hi, hi, I love you, I love you too. The next time we have breakfast, you know, they post every single thing they do. We need to know, in this day and age, we are living in the day of influencers and all that. There are people who are in business. So maybe one of those travel companies will go to Dianne. Of course, we have to, you know, show us all of those like eight posts in a day. So there are people who are in business. For them doing that is business. You know, next week it's something else. And then also, for me, I think it's what you agree with your spouse or whoever you're dating with. If you're comfortable with posting where you're going, it's still fine. And like you said, if you also decide you don't want to post your marriage, your relationships are private, it's still fine. So there's really nothing wrong with that. The private part. Usha, you're a family of Chachil Mahali. Chachil? The wife, the kids. Chachil Chachil. Chachil comedian. Who are you? Usha, you're on anything about? Personally, I haven't. Have you? No, he doesn't do that. I'm a distinguished personal life and a public life. And that's where you need to set it to cut the line. There's a difference between your personal life and your public life. It's not a must you post your family on social media or to do business. It's none of our business. So, you're a pastor. And apart from your wife, I don't know if you're married or not, but come out and let's say a girl. She's a pastor. You see this? That's the girl you're talking about. That's the girl you're talking about. So you're going to be your wife, your wife, so you're going to be a pastor in HIV. And you're going to be a millionaire. Well, I wouldn't do that if she demands. Personally, I'll do that because that is what I stand for. My body for family and ministry go together. So I'll do that because of my values, the things I stand for. But I won't do that because she demanded. It is a must. I must appear in that banner. Wafula ministries. I love to go past Wafula and the wife. They are normally very, at least, high. I love color. Wafula, no. Do you know the name of the church? There are so many. I want to give another example here. We have those people who, every time they get into an argument, they will go to their status. For example, if the argument was about he forgot to buy you a present on your birthday. I don't know what status I laugh at and think, when people forget things. You have no motivation to say that. You are a philosopher. Philosopher. Always take note of the things that occupy people's minds. As a man, I say to you, if you talk about me, I will say to you, what do you post on your status? Does it matter? It matters. There is a time when I went through a heartbreak. I began doing videos on singleness, it's not a curse, it's not a pandemic. I didn't know it was out of pain and bitterness. I thought I was motivating someone out there. Until someone had to call me and sit me down and tell me, this thing I'm doing is not okay. So I had to go through that. Because I needed healing. So when you see someone doing that, probably they could be going through something. They just can't come out clear about the same thing. So it's not good to be posting. You should be careful about what you post on our WhatsApp statuses. They are very careful because they really speak volumes. I know of a lady that any time they call her husband, he will go post their picture on Facebook. Just to get their comments, congratulations and all that. But in real life, something is eating them up. So you should be very careful on what you post on social media. Especially on WhatsApp statuses. What I can say is, Ram, this thing is between your private life and your public life. Before you two started dating, it's not a must you include us. So if you include us, what will happen? See how immature you are. There's a level of maturity if you two decided to. So it's not right too. I think it has to do with the level of... Before you continue, this affects ladies. Because that is where they have their friends. I'd like for a man to give an example. For example, you have a friend called Natasha. Which I do. Which I do. And then I'd like... Because Natasha gets out of my inbox. I love that there's something in your mind that obviously is connected to the relationship that this person has with the boyfriend or the husband. I see that ladies do that a lot. I don't know. Help me understand. Ladies do that. I think I want to say it has to do with the level of emotional intelligence. How you can manage your own feelings and emotions there. I would say you need to call that Natasha and tell her I'm going through this. This is what I'm feeling. Cry with her. Other than venting out there. You don't want to post everything. You have a breakup. You don't want to show that kind of... It shows desperation. It shows immaturity. So call that Natasha friend of yours. Tell them what you're going through. Let them. A problem shared is half solved. You can also call somebody who can be able to advise. Somebody who tells you I'm going through this. I'm going through this. I'm going through this. You need to get somebody who at least can be sober. At that time you're not sober. Somebody who's sober will advise you rightly. And you feel better when you speak with them. And this is it now. At that point that you're breaking up. Many people break up and of course come back together. But now at what point is it going to be hazardous for you? When should you block this person from your social media handles? I think for me, I'd say when they become toxic. It's now insults. It's now... And anything they post is just to hurt you. Everything is just to hurt. It's just focused on hurting you. I think it's time you just block that person from your life. And how does this distinguish when to come back? When to distinguish when to come back in this relationship? Oh, you're still coming back? And when to block? You're still coming back? When to come back in this relationship? When to come back in this relationship? You can advise our channel and say, HATERS! Oh yes! So I can say first of all, the issue of blocking. It's okay to block. Come back and affect your peace of mind. Block. And when to know when to come back in this relationship? When to come back in this relationship? Yes. And if you feel like you need to give a second chance to come back in this relationship? If you want to go back in this relationship, then it's fine. You understand? Maybe if you don't go back in this relationship, you will not be able to walk back in this relationship. At some point you will feel bad about yourself. Alright. I want to start on one particular perspective of family. How can you protect your relationship from outsiders? But at the same time, you want to keep it clean online. We always have these family members and these in-laws. When you are in a relationship, you will feel bad about yourself. How do you, for lack of a better word, stay safe? How do you see yourself online to protect yourself from your in-laws? So when you are in a relationship, you will feel bad about yourself. I think it would make it clear. My wife is my wife. It's not your wife. I think it would make it clear. My wife is not your wife. Another thing Ram, I need to say is that if it comes to your relationship, if it comes to your family, if it comes to your business, if it comes to your relationship, if it comes to a friend request, then you have to accept it. If it comes to me, by the way, if it comes to a friend request, if it comes to my family, if it comes to my relatives, I have to accept it. I have to accept it. I have to accept it. That's your idea. That's why you have not been accepting. If it comes to your family members, okay. Are you... You know, I'm just saying that. I'm waiting for them. You will never know. I would ask you to bring this conversation to a close. But before we do that, Sarah, you are a life coach and you do a lot of motivational speaking. I want to give you just a few seconds because I know you have a event coming up. All right. Give us just a glimpse of what you are looking at right now. Within 30 seconds. Yes. I'm very big on youth mentorship and coaching. And so we'll be having a Global Youth Summit, Global Youth Conference. This coming Saturday, it will be at the Nairobi Cinema Auditorium. We are having youth coming in from about 20 countries across Africa because we've had these meetings on Zoom for so long and we have so many ideas and innovations that we are seeing with our members and youth across the continent. So we'll be bringing them to Nairobi and having a conversation on how do we look at innovation as a solution to problems that affect our countries. And also the speakers are youth who have innovated in different sectors. So I encourage everybody to come over on Saturday at Nairobi Cinema Auditorium and we'll be having from 8 to 30 in the morning. We'll have the whole day there. We've also partnered with the State Department for Youth. So we invite everybody there. All right. Thank you so much. Head over to Nairobi Cinema. And you can also find us on social media. You can also find me on social media. My Facebook is Sarah Muni, the Life Coach. Yeah. All right. I want to give you 20 seconds each. Have a final word about our conversation today. Let me start with you mentally. The final words on the topic of today before I get into what I do. What I can say is if you're free, if you're okay to date on social media, if you're okay to meet this person on social media, then it's fine. But it has to do with, from social media, what follows next. Another thing on what I do, I encourage you to inspire initiative this November. We are going back to schools to talk to the young people, high schools, universities. And the topic of this month of November is mental health. Everything to do with mental health. All right. Yes. Social media on Instagram, at official Anthony Jengawita H. All right. Yes. Yes. I conclude by saying, don't let social media put you under pressure. Don't compare your relationship to the one you see on social media. Every relationship is unique. So pick what is yours. Know what is yours. Know your values. Know what you stand for. All right. Yeah. You'll have it easy on this journey. Thank you. Thank you so much, Sami. Yes. Now Napaivi, Timothy, and I would say, when should you ask for money? Okay. All right. That was the end of today's morning show. Where? You see, they're looking for a boat to the bank. That was the end of today's morning show. That was the end of today's morning conversation on Power Talk. May God bless you. May God bless the rock of your hands. My name is Ram Aguco. I repeat, of this show airs again tonight at 10 p.m. So ensure that you tune in to this particular show and get to watch the program that we shall air. I repeat of this show again tonight at 10 p.m. But as always, we are ending with a quote, whether you stand for it or not, give us your take. Do you believe this? Do you agree with this? The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on social media. Do you agree with that? The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on social media. May God bless you. May God bless the rock of your hands. My name is Ram Aguco. Thank you so much, everybody. Thank you. May God bless everybody. Killam too. This is Power Talk.