 Mother, is Maxwell House really the only coffee in the world? Well, your father says so, and your father knows best. Yes, it's Father Knows Best, transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert Young as father. A half-hour visit with your neighbors, the Andersons, brought to you by Maxwell House, the coffee that's bought and enjoyed by more people than any other brand of coffee at any price. Maxwell House, always good to the last drop. It was Shakespeare who said, life is a crooked game, and you never know when they'll deal you one from the bottom of the deck. This was Joe Shakespeare, of course, who runs the meat market on Franklin Avenue, and it isn't bad for a fellow who never went past the seventh grade. Anyway, it's just short of dinnertime in Springfield, and in the White Frame house on Maple Street, the Andersons are about to be double-shuffled, double-delta, but otherwise generally built by the fiendish Philip of a fickle fate, like this. Margaret, I'm home. We're in the kitchen, dear. I'll be in as soon as I hang out my coat. Oh, okay, honey, I say it. Daddy! Hello, sweetheart, how's my best girl? Oh, wonderful, most beautiful, most gorgeous girl. Kathy, you're choking me. Hey, Daddy, but I was... Well, of course. We haven't seen one another since way back this morning. A whole day, and I missed you so. How much? How much did I miss you? How much do you need? Why, Daddy? Well? 15 cents. Why? I lost my pencil sharpener, and if I don't buy a new one, how can I sharpen my pencils? It won't be easy. May I, Daddy, please? Well, let's see. Which week's allowance are you working on now? October 21st. October 21st. Uh, 1953. All right, suppose I advance you 15 cents against the week of October 28th. How will that be? Oh, that's wonderful, Daddy. You're just the most wonderful Daddy in the whole world. Go on, you just love me for my money. Oh, I do not. Hi, honey. Did you find the message from Bill Whitley? He got me at the office. Hello, Angel. Hello, dear. Hi, Father. Well, what are you doing? Shelling peas. And look at my nails. Why don't you help her, Kathy? It's her turn. I did it last time. She doesn't have to help me. Go ahead, Kathy. Give your sister a hand. And let's not have any arguments about it. Don't you forget, Betty, the next time I have to shell peas, I help you. Well, stop talking and help me. Where's Bud? Probably over with Joe Phillips. He'll be along in time for dinner. You know, Margaret, I was thinking today, we're a pretty lucky family. We have a nice home that's almost paid for. We're well and happy. We're not rich, but we manage. Why aren't we solemn tonight? Well, I was talking to Bill Whitley today, poor guy. Is anything wrong, dear? Oh, just a bunch of little things. The boy had that operation last March, and he's had a few bad accounts. Now he's worried that he won't be able to meet his insurance payments. That's a shame. They're such nice people. Almost ready with the peas, dear? Just about. Mom, I won. I won. Mom, look what I won. What on earth? Bud, how many times have you been told not to burst into the house like that? I won the prize. Look, I won the prize. I don't care what you... a skunk. Bud! Oh, Bud! Get that thing out of here. Bud, it's beautiful. I said get it out of here. Bud, please. Guys, don't make so much noise. You're getting them all excited. We're getting him excited. Bud, if you don't get that thing out of here... Just a moment, Jim. Let's be sensible about it and calm down. Calm down? A skunk in the kitchen, and you want me to calm down? Well, we don't want to get the skunk upset, do we? Oh, no, that's not it. We mustn't get him upset. Just everybody be calm now. Let's not get him upset. Oh, mother, make him take it away, please. He won't hurt you, Betty. See? Take him away. Bud, take that thing away from your sister. There isn't anything to worry about, Dad. He's house-boken and everything. Kathy, don't walk around. You're stepping on the peas. But I want to touch him. May I, Bud, please? Okay, but don't scare him. Nice boy. See here, Bud. You don't have to worry, Dad. He's deodorized. The man said so. What man? The man who ran the raffle. You won that thing in a raffle? Wasn't I lucky? The things that can happen out of a clear sky. Betty, get down off the table. Nothing's going to hurt you. Tell him to keep it away from me. Thousands and thousands of children, and my son has to win a skunk. Beautiful. Bud, this is hardly the place to keep a skunk. But he's just like a cat, and lots of people have cats. Why didn't you bring home an elephant? A family like this can always use a nice congenial elephant. I don't think the man has an elephant. Quitching. Well, sure, he's happy. Aren't you, boy? His name is Lily. Yep. Isn't he beautiful? Hey, he's gorgeous. Bud, take that thing outside and get rid of it. Gosh, I can't then. Why not? I just told you, he's deodorized. That is merely your opinion. In any way, what difference does that make? The man told me all about it. If you turn a deodorized skunk loose, he's defenseless. He'll get killed. And we'll send flowers to his mother. Take him out in the field and lose him. Jim, we can't be heartless about it. We can't be brainless either. Margaret, don't tell me you want to keep Lily. Of course not. I do. The man said they make wonderful pets and they eat practically nothing. Well, that's fine. Give him back to the man. I can. Why not? His wife says she'll divorce him. Bad enough having Kathy around. Now we have to have a skunk. Betty! Who wants to call on a girl whose brother has a skunk? I do. Lily won't be any trouble, Dad. He can sleep in my room and I'll pay for his food out of my allowance. But it's not a question of expense or how much room he takes up. We just can't have a skunk around. Nobody in his right mind wants to keep a skunk around. I do. That's what I said. Nobody in his right mind. Jim, if we could only find him a good home. Where? With who? Who wants a skunk? The man said... Father, look at him. His nose is twitching. Isn't he sweet? Betty, that's not the end you have to worry about. You don't have to worry about either end, Dad. The man said... I don't care what the man said. Why don't we call someone who likes skunks? Margaret. Who, outside of another skunk, likes skunks? Well, there must be someone. I do. The man said everybody likes a pet skunk and Lily's one of the finest pet skunks in Springfield. May I hold him, bud? Sure, I guess so. Here. Come on, Lily. Add a boy. I'm going to call a zoo. That's where I'm going. It won't do any good, Dad. They can give him a good home, three square meals a day. What was that? I said it won't do any good to call the zoo. Why not? The man said he called the zoo and they've got a skunk. They're going to have another one. I'm a citizen of Springfield. I pay my taxes. As much my zoo as anybody else's. If I want to give them a skunk, well, they'd better take it. The man said, hello, Springfield Zoo. My name is Anderson, James Anderson, 607 Maple Street. We have a skunk. What? Oh, you know, Lily. I was just saying to my wife that I thought it might be a very good idea. They what? Well, if the other animals won't trust a skunk, why should we? I know it isn't your problem, but look, if you'll only let me explain, I had nothing to do with getting the skunk. It was my son. No, my son. Oh, don't you think that shooting him is a little drastic? What? Well, if I can't think of anything else, I may. Holy cow. Thank you very much. A great help he turned out to be. Dad, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got you mad about the skunk, but gee whiz. What did they say, Jim? They know all about Lily. People have been trying to give him to the zoo for years. Dad, before you do anything permanent, don't you think we ought to talk about it? What happened to you? You're as white as a sheet. Oh, he's worried about that idiotic skunk. The man at the zoo said I ought to take Lily to the pound and have him shot. Lily? Well, who do you think I'm in? Oh. I think I'll go sit down. Jim, you're not going to have that poor little thing shot, are you? Daddy, you can't. Well, what can I do? The zoo won't have him. We can't turn him loose. We don't know anybody silly enough to give him a home. You want to keep him here? Father, I don't like skunks, but you can't have him shot. Well, suppose you tell me... Wait a minute. I've got an idea. Of course. Jim, what are you going to do? There's only one thing we can do. We'll have a raffle. How would you like to pour a cup of coffee for the world's greatest coffee expert and hear him say, best coffee I ever tasted? It'd mean a lot to you pleasing that number one expert. Yes, man. Because he's your husband. Of course, we could claim to be experts ourselves. Our Maxwell House coffee is America's favorite brand. But we know the final judge is that man of yours. And if you'll pour him a cup of Maxwell House, we're mighty sure he'll say best coffee ever. We're so sure, in fact, that if he doesn't, we'll give you your money back. You see, we know no other coffee tastes like Maxwell House because no other coffee is made like Maxwell House. That famous good-to-the-last-drop flavor is something we're mighty proud of. Get a pound tomorrow, won't you? Serve it to that husband of yours. And if he doesn't tell you it's the coffee he likes best, why, you send us the can and unused portion and we'll gladly refund the price you paid. Our address is right on the front of that familiar blue tin. Tomorrow, find out how much the world's greatest coffee expert enjoys Maxwell House coffee. Always good-to-the-last-drop. The skunk is a creature both calm and urbane from whom other animals gladly abstain. He may be as fresh as the bright morning dew and yet who can trust him? I wouldn't, would you? It's a few days later in Springfield and breakfast time in the White Frame House on Maple Street. But it isn't just any day nor yet any breakfast. This is a big day in the life of the Anderson. This is the day of the skunk raffle. That's it. I don't care what anybody says, Bob Stewart had no right to charge me $7.50 for printing the tickets. Jim, it's for a very worthy cause. Why, that's seven and a half cents apiece. The minister said you couldn't have found a better way to dispose of Lily. He must have printed each ticket by hand and sprinkled diamond dust over the ink. Here's your coffee, dear. Oh, thank you. I told him I wanted very plain tickets, the very plainest he had. Why did he have to be so fancy? Because he knows the money's going to the church and he wanted everything to look nice. $7.50 to get rid of something we didn't even own in the first place. Where's the sugar bowl? Bud took it out to the garage. He forgot to put sugar on Lily's cereal. Oh, that's fine. I'm surprised he didn't sleep out in the garage to keep the silly animal company. Jim. Yes? He did. Bud slept in the garage? Well, he said it was Lily's last night and he didn't want anything to happen to him. What can happen to a skunk that hasn't already happened? Isn't there any more sugar? I'll get some, dear. He tells me a skunk eats practically nothing. This one eats like his father was a tapeworm. Oh, dear. Now what's the matter? I could have sworn we had another bottle of cream. No cream, huh? No, dear, but as soon as Bud comes in... There was cream last night. I know, dear, but I thought we had another bottle. Lily, huh? Yes, dear. Margaret. We have plenty of milk. Well, that's nice. You're sure I'm not disrupting any of your plans? I mean, you wouldn't have a more important use for it. Lily, perhaps? Jim, you know Lily doesn't like milk. Oh, well, then it's all right. I certainly wouldn't want to use anything you might need for Lily. Jim. Morning, everybody. Isn't this the most wonderful day you've ever seen? Good morning, Betty. The warm sunshine, the golden leaves. Isn't it good just to be alive? Huh. What? I said, huh. What's the matter with father? Nothing, dear. Sit down and drink your juice. I'll have your breakfast ready in a minute. Provided Lily hasn't already eaten it. Jim, you're not being fair. I'm not being fair. Half of my breakfast out in the garage with that pool cat and I'm not being fair. Daddy. Good morning, dear. Hmm. Where's Lily? Out in the garage with Clyde Beatty. Who? Never mind. Just sit down and eat your breakfast. Drink your juice, dear. I'll have your cereal ready in a minute. Daddy. Not now, Kathy. But I want to tell him something. Daddy. What is it, Kathleen? I sold a ticket. What's fine. A ticket. You had 25 of them. I've still got 24. Oh, that's great. That's just great. The drawing's in less than an hour and we've still got 24 tickets. Jim, we don't have to sell all the tickets, do we? I told Dr. Swain it'd be $25 for the church. If we don't sell all the tickets, I'll have to give him the money myself. Well, 24 tickets are only $6, dear. Only $6. $7.50 for the printing, $6 for the tickets. That's $13.50 to get rid of that miserable skunk. He isn't miserable, Daddy. He's cute. When your brother comes in here. You want me, Dad? Yes, come in here. What did I do now? But do you realize what that defrosted skunk is costing me? I don't know, Dad. $13.50. It is? Your sister was so positive she could sell 25 tickets. Do you know how many she sold? One. Dad. One measly little ticket for 25 cents and I'll have to make good for the rest. Dad. When I was a boy, I never brought a skunk home. I had more consideration for my parents. Dad. I'd have been booted from here down to the city hall if I even mentioned bringing a skunk into the house. Dad. But my children walked into the house with anything they pleased. Skunks, frogs, lizards, and I've got to get rid of them. Do you realize that we're stuck with 24 tickets? Dad. What is it? I didn't sell all mine either. Oh, no. Well, gosh, it isn't easy to sell tickets on a skunk. People are prejudiced. How many did you sell? And besides, somebody had to stay here and take care of Lily. How many did you sell? So I got a bunch of fellas to sell them for me. They took the 75 tickets. How many did you sell? 19. Out of 75? Well, the fellas said they tried. 19. We've got 80 tickets left. I'm sorry, Dad. Mother, isn't there any cream? Betty, not now. Gosh, it isn't as if we didn't try. Well, I still have some control over my temper. Let me have the $5. Here's my quarter, Daddy. Dad. Yes? All I've got is $1.90. 19 tickets at 25 cents is 475, not $1.90. That's less commission. What commission? Well, I had to give the fellas a commission. They sold them for a quarter, but we only got a dime. But... Dad, you don't know how hard it is selling skunk tickets. They were doing me a favor. $30. That's what it comes to, Margaret. $30 to get rid of a skunk. Have some more coffee, dear? Maybe we better just keep it, huh, Dad? We're not going to keep anything. And you and I are going to have a long talk someday about what happens to boys who bring skunks into the house. What are you going to do now, dear? I'm going to see if I can get rid of some of these tickets. Whoever heard of a raffle with only 20 tickets get the household cluttered up with skunks, can't sell the tickets. They should have had the darn thing shot in the first place. Oh, Bob Stewart? Oh, this is Jim Anderson. Look, about those tickets... Yes, yes, they were very nice. But we've got quite a few of them left, Bob. And after all, you did make $750 on the deal and the money does go to the church. So I thought if you'd like to take about 25 chances... Hello, Bob? Bob, hello? Fine thing. Just wait until I want some more tickets printed. That's all. It'll be a cold day in July. He hung up on me. That's what he did, the nerve of it. Just hung up. Jim, we've got to leave for the church in a very few minutes. Well, you go ahead with the kids. I'll be along as soon as I get through here. Well, don't be too long, dear. Okay. Hello, heck? This is Jim Anderson. Just fine, thanks. Say heck. She's fine too, thank you. Say heck. Yes. They're all fine. Say heck. Have you heard about the raffle we're holding? Well, all the money goes to the church and the tickets are only a quarter of a piece. Hmm? Oh, it's for a skunk, heck, but you want to see him. Cutest little fella you ever saw in your whole life. What? Hello, heck? Hello, heck? Fine bunch of friends I had. Hang on to a quarter as though their life depended on it. Smoked 50 cents cigars, but if you asked him to lay out a dime for something worthwhile. Hello, George. This is Jim Anderson. Say, George, we're having a raffle at the church. Well, we're giving the tickets away, George. There's no charge at all. That's right. All you have to do is keep what you win. What? Well, it's a pet skunk, George. And so help me some million laughs. Just the happiest little thing you... George. Hello, George. Now you can't even give the things away. What a great raffle this is going to be. Hello, Ed. This is Jim Anderson. We're having a free raffle at the church, Ed, and I want you to have these free chances to win a free prize. Well, I've seen some cute skunks in my time, Ed, but this one is...Ed. Hello, Ed. Are you sure he said he'd be here, Mrs. Anderson? I'm quite sure, Dr. Swain. I don't know what could have happened to him. Maybe Lily bit him. Lily? Like one another. Kathy. You know how children exaggerate. Yes. Do you want me to call a house, Mother? Maybe you'd better, and if he hasn't left... Here he comes, Mom. What's he got in the box? Kathy, don't be silly. That's Lily. Oh. Jim. Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, Dr. Swain, but I had a time getting rid of the tickets. Did you sell them all, Dad? Not quite. Oh? But you don't have to worry, Doctor. Here's my check for $25 to cover the whole thing. Oh. How many lucky people are there in the drawing? 20. 20? But... But those are all the chances. But be quiet. Holy cow. These are the stuff for the 20 tickets that were sold, Dr. Swain, so if you want to go ahead... We'll do that this very moment. Attention, everyone. Attention, please. We're going to have the drawing for the little animal so generously donated by our friend Mr. Anderson. It was my skunk. But please. Betty, would you like to put the stubs in this bowl? Okay. How's that? That's fine. Now, mix them thoroughly. There we are. $30 to get rid of a skunk. Jim. Now, Kathleen, would you draw one of the slips, please? Reach way up. Like that? That's a good girl. May I have it, please? Thank you. Attention, everyone. The winning number is... Number 73. Oh, that's my lucky. Will the lucky person holding number 73 please step forward? Number 73. Dr. Swain. Yes, Kathleen? That's me. Oh, no. What is it that makes a cup of coffee really worth singing about? Why, it's flavor. Yes, and when you buy coffee, you certainly want the most in flavor for your money. Now, it's no trick to find it with the world's greatest coffee expert there to help you. Your husband, that's the number one expert, we mean. Just pour him a cup of Maxwell House coffee. And when he says, that's what I call good coffee, you'll know Maxwell House is your coffee buy. Put it up to that coffee expert tomorrow. Get a pound of Maxwell House and start serving it to your husband. And count all the truly good cups of coffee you get from that one pound. At your own table, find out how much more you get for your money with Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. Once again, it's breakfast time in the White Frame House on Maple Street. A skunkless breakfast time, if not exactly a happy one, like this. The only thing I ever won in my whole life, and you wouldn't let me keep it. I couldn't let you keep it, Kathy. Can you let Jimmy Woody keep it? Jimmy Woody is not my child. How can you have a raffle and let your own daughter win it? I'll see who it is. Kathy, your father knows best, and it really wouldn't have looked right. Why not? I paid my quarter. I had as much right as anyone else. But you pulled the number out of the bowl, stupid. What's stupid about pulling my own number? Kathy, it just isn't done. It isn't? No. And besides, the principal idea was to get rid of Lily. That's why we had to pick another number. Jimmy Woody. He only paid half as much for his ticket, and he got to keep the whole skunk. Fine. It couldn't have happened to a nicer boy. He's an only child, and his father lets him have everything. Why couldn't I be an only child? Why couldn't you be a child, period? Jimmy. My quarter. If I don't get the skunk, I ought to get my quarter back. No. Mommy. Why, Jimmy? Margaret, she knew we weren't going to keep the skunk. Why did she have to buy a ticket? This will teach you not to throw her money around. Oh, Kathy, stop it. Kathy, I said stop it. Kathleen. Yes, Mommy? That would be quite enough. Yes, Mommy. What were you saying, Jim? Nothing. Who was it, bud? You mean at the door? Just Jimmy Woody. What did he want? Oh, nothing much. He just wanted to know if we wanted to buy a chance on a skunk raffle. Say, Mom, here's a good way to get your children to eat a hot cereal on these busy school day mornings. Just serve them hop along Cassidy's favorite hot cereal, post-wheat meal. Just tell them how swell wheat meal tastes, how nourishing it is. And look, you like post-wheat meal, too, because it cooks in just three and a half minutes. Yes, once you try it, you'll go along with hop along. You'll say, post-wheat meal is the best hot cereal you ever ate. Join us again next week when we'll be back with Father Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson, with Roy Bargy in the Maxwell House Orchestra, and yours truly, Bill Foreman. So until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee, always good to the last drop. Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most of these stations. Yes, Dragnet makes exciting listening. Stay tuned to NBC.