 So today we're going to talk about the nine things a man will do that will break your heart These are not am I doing that right? Yeah Now really quickly before we get started with this broadcast I just want you to know that I read an article. I apologize I wrote down it took notes, but I forgot what where the article was About behaviors you should let go of when you're over 40 years old So the following represent behaviors every person should let go of but more importantly These are the behaviors that will most likely Savatage your relationship or whether you're a man or woman Even though the title says these nine things men will do that will break your heart. This is true for men and women alike Now before we dive into this I want to address the elephant in the room I want to address the elephant in the room and that is most of us dating coaches or Relationship coaches will tell you the behaviors. You should avoid so you can dump somebody, right? And sometimes we even like what I'm going to be sharing with you today I'm going to be telling you behaviors. You should pay attention to dump someone But the elephant in this the room is how many of us dating coaches? Truly know how to help you pick the right person Before you ever go on a date with the wrong guy Like like does do any of us coaches tell you what to do? How to pick the person before you ever go on a date with the wrong guy? Most of us are telling you what to observe in the first six weeks of dating or the first 90 days of dating but none of us give you the formula and I want to read you a post that I shared today and See if this resonates with you and then I'll get into these nine things in just a moment So my post on Instagram said It actually the the meme said emotionally unavailable people do not become Emotionally available just because you stayed and loved them. That was what the meme said and my post said the following Have you ever experienced someone in the lust or limerence phase? They can they can be very expressive, but their feelings once bountiful Come to a crawl shortly thereafter one of the reasons why I Advocate for almost every for for almost interviewing a person in the early stages is Because it gets them out of their body out of their body and Into their head While logic isn't necessarily a pathway to the heart It slows the process allowing one to get to their heart and hopefully choose from that place The challenge for too many people is that their heart is frozen or blocked giving them and giving them all in love in the world Will not heal them There is this misconception that the more love you give a person the more they will love you back However, a wounded soul needs healing and healing begins when one says I've had enough living an Unfulfilled life from the perspective of the heart okay Why am I sharing this with you? because I'm going to share it with you some nine things that you know that will break your heart in a moment And I think this would be rather obvious But you can actually do something before you ever go on a first date with someone And my invitation for you is to interview, but let's go even further and Interrogate the person. Okay Now I'm saying this a little tongue-in-cheek. However, some well-placed questions Before you ever meet someone could help prepare you to avoid the wrong person And by the way, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see up working with a coach's Right view my area of expertise is teaching women and men discernment And that means asking a few well-placed questions based on your Personality so you can avoid finding yourself in what every dating coach It tells you to do is avoid these types of people and as soon as I share this with you're going to go Well, duh Jonathan. That's just common sense. And yet if this was such common sense why are humans and And I'm guilty of what I'm about to share I am guilty of this Why are we humans believe that chemistry equals relationship success? In fact chemistry can whitewash or take great red flags and paint them green and I'm guilty of this folks I'm not here to profess that I'm the best at this. Okay. I'm as dysfunctional as the next human being out there I will never tell you that I'm here sharing from some space of You know divine expertise I'm literally sharing with you what I've observed Both as a coach and as both a human being out in the dating marketplace Now I'd originally was going to title this nine things you shouldn't accept from a man before sleeping with them or Excuse me after sleeping with him because I'm here to a spouse That sex should be sacred That's right. I have a very curate in point of view and I've been a pig I've been a dog. So believe me. This is this is hard for me because the Biological desire to be physically intimate with someone is incredibly strong And there's an old saying men are the gas you ladies are the brakes It is incumbent upon you and to initially slow the process down so you can get to know this person Dating is an experience of data collection. It's not about Attraction and romance. Yes, we all love the idea of being romance, but let's face it Romance leads to bad choices because we can take red flags and paint them green The minute that buy out that chemical cocktail starts searing through our bodies That says I want to be physically intimate with this person We have to operate from our logical side and I know that is a romantic Because the reality is folks Most men and women I read that blog to you most men and women have a frozen or wounded heart You ladies are no picnic either you guys just because you will will enter into commitment more so than men Doesn't make you any better at the capacity of giving and receiving love many times women chase love with broken man Typically the broken man tends to be the emotionally Constipated man the emotionally unavailable man the fearful avoid it or dismissive avoid it because the anxious man is Chasing love and he chooses the avoid it woman And if you're not familiar with what I'm sharing with you I highly recommend reading I highly recommend reading two books Wired for love by Dr. Stan cacti and then attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller But if you're watching this right now, just go back and replay this There's a link below to Jonathan recommends books in the show notes John and there's take you a PDF of all the books. I recommend Why do you need to understand this because we oftentimes get attached to the wrong person and then these nine behaviors? We will absolutely whitewash them We will paint these red flags green and believe me. I am guilty of this So Ladies before the penis goes inside the vagina. I highly recommend reading all the books I have listed below so you can prepare yourself to be in your logical mind Instead of your body because ultimately we want to merge the mind with the body so you can connect With your heart with your divine self and if you want to read an amazing book to learn how to connect with your heart I Highly recommend reading this book the untethered soul by Michael singer the untethered soul by Michael singer And then I want to remind you to read this book. Oh my god This is an amazing book called return to love by Marianne Williamson. Oh my gosh This will help you connect to your heart in a way that you never experienced before these aren't dating books These are books To prepare you for what I hope to achieve in my own life is a soul connection Okay, the nine things to look for number one is A man who's inflexible Or by the way a woman who's inflexible, you know what? I've noticed that there are a lot of human beings as they get into midlife 40 50 60 even seven years old. They're rather rigid. They have their way of doing things It's kind of my way or the highway I've witnessed this with women and I've witnessed this with men You guys are fucking human beings are rather stubborn as they get older and they can be rather inflexible I will tell you The behavior everybody should let go of in midlife is inflexibility This is the time to be incredibly flexible. This is the time to try new things This is the time to explore and not be rigid in one's life But many of you have such grooved lives Whether it is you're taking care of your children whether it's your workout routine whether it's your professional life Just to name a few or your friends some of you are so inflexible that it makes it difficult to do this And I'm speaking of men as well as women as well at men doing their golf and men doing their guys nights and things like that If you want to be in a healthy happy relationship, you have to learn to be flexible Because otherwise inflexibility causes rigidity, okay? number two If a man doesn't listen to you, you know, one of the most painful experiences in relationship And someone doesn't sincerely listen to you. They are much worse is when they're only Talking they're only communicating to respond, you know, healthy two-way communication Requires active listening. Where's my book? Oh God, it's the Dale Carnegie book Where is that book? It's somewhere here How to win an influence friends, you know, oh here it is You know one of the things that's talked about is learning the the importance of active listening So if you're a guy listening to this broadcast right now, I highly recommend you learn how to listen Now listening includes acknowledging the persons acknowledging the person for what they've said Validate what they said is true for them and Understand that the two of you could have different points of view especially when there's friction acknowledging what they said Validating what they said is true for them and recognizing what's true for them may be different It's okay to disagree, but if you're not actively listening if you're only listening to respond You're on the way of preparing to end or to sabotage a relationship In fact, there's another book. I want you to read It's called I hear you the surprisingly simple skills behind Extraordinary relationships Michael Sorenson Jonathan all you do is recommending book after book after book Well, there is so much knowledge in these books and you can watch these YouTube videos on everyone I've just shared here today You can start listening to podcasts to improve who you are as a person my my whole premise as a coach Listen, I don't know what to text a guy that well Actually, I do know what the text a guy back if you text you certain thing But I don't teach that kind of bullshit stuff. I don't get into the granular stuff I'm more here to encourage how to become a sovereign human being how to become an empowered human being How to become in a human being who genuinely bump bump bump bump bump? Loves themself and by the way, this is my book called what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work under what look for Self-love the book comm highly recommend and again my book is a beginner version number three Being judgmental. Oh my god. Is that a relationship killer if you are with somebody who is habitually judgmental Then there's a good chance that this person will break your heart You know humans that don't have compassion for other human beings oftentimes make miserable partners to be with By the way, complainers make miserable partners to have you ever been with I'm going off subject here But you ever been with a guy who's a complainer? Oh my god, or a woman who's a complainer It is just fucking annoying And I'm not talking about Jewish complaining I have a lot of friends who are Jewish and they call it Jewish complaining I'm talking about people that just incessantly have judgments or complain about others It's just effing annoying and I believe that person that has you know being overly judgmental will most likely break your heart number four Holding on to grudges You know you actually now they think about it women hold on to grudges a lot in relationships I've just noticed that I know men do this too, but I find women do this a lot Like you hold it against us. I can't stand people look at if I've done something wrong or he's done something wrong Excuse me if she's done something wrong and you've forgiven the person and you got to let it fucking go Judgments are an absolute annoyance When people act or excuse me hold grudges excuse me number five Being overly critical. It's kind of piggybacks and when I was talking about complainers, but people that are overly critical Oh my gosh, I remember once years ago I was in a relationship with a woman and she corrected my speech a number of times look I Don't know how many people know how hard it is to get in front of camera right here and be Incredibly articulate. I mean if you've ever watched a movie just remember actors and actresses have people writing their scripts for him I'm not writing a script. This is just Absolutely stream of consciousness, but people who are overly critical whether it's a man or woman. Oh my god It's so annoying to be with someone who corrects you for God forbid for being human You know that should that just shit should just be let go Number six Neglecting self-care Do you know how many guys? I mean, I mean, I'm sorry But the guys listening is so many of you have let yourself go in fact women you too as well I mean, I'm gonna say neglecting self-care people that don't take good care of themselves not only they're Just they're outward from an appearance perspective, but also from a health perspective You know self-care isn't just about manicures and pedicures or haircuts or dressing nice It's about taking care of your body because when you get to midlife the days in front of you most likely are shorter than the days behind you and Self-care if somebody doesn't take care of themselves. They will effectively Put themselves in a position that will cause you to It's for cause them to end the relationship and break your heart number seven. Oh This one is so fucking big avoiding apologies. Oh my god We are swimming in a sea of powers Like righteousness When two people have difference of opinions, I'm right. No, I'm right. No, I'm right. No, I'm right. No, I'm right You know the power of an apology And first you have to recognize that if you genuinely done something to Let's just say hurt someone's feelings is to own the fucking thing Jonathan you're just cursing. That's so unprofessional of you. I'm sorry for those people that bring that up. I just laugh, okay? I Get it. I'm unprofessional to you, but I'm not here to make you happy I'm here to give you perspective and From apology perspective first is acknowledging that you did something wrong and taking ownership and having a bit regret and then making Changes, but if you avoid apologies, and I know we've talked about Narcissist habitually No can never apologize for what they've done because I'm always right and yes It fucking sucks to be with a person who gaslights you when they've genuinely have done something And I can't say you know, I'm not a big fan of when people say well, I'm sorry you feel that way That's not taking ownership That's just saying you're acknowledging how it was hurt, but you know, I really I've noticed this. This is a subtle thing you know Avoidance do avoidance rarely take ownership that they could have done something that caused it and say Oh, I could do better next time just an observation. I have Okay, avoiding apologies number seven number eight being dismissive. Oh my god This comes back to being you know not taking ownership being overly critical being dismissive of someone I think is the cruelest thing And it'll effectively break your heart to be with someone who is dismissive to you and number nine Let me tell you something folks I believe the biggest challenge today in relationships is so few humans do personal development self-help and spiritual work Which I believe is an absolute necessity For the building blocks to a healthy happy relationship to read the many books. I've talked about this book by the way Even though the title says seven principles for making a marriage work by John Gottman Take out the word marriage and just replace it with relationship Folks before the penis goes inside the vagina on a regular basis that you guys should be reading this book together If listen, I said this in the beginning of the broadcast sex should be sacred It should be reserved for people who are exploring a relationship And if you're going to begin the beginning stages of getting to know someone then establish What the fuck are we doing together? Why are we doing this? Is it just companionship connection and sex or is there something more sacred here? And I scream at the top of my lungs Because I'm shaking. I'm shaking everyone up To start approaching the process a lot differently because as I said in the beginning the elephant in the room is We can we dating coaches and relationship coaches can tell you all day long who to break up with But if we were really doing our job, we could help you pick that person right from the get-go And I'd like to think I've got a better handle on it Because I believe in interrogating people early in the process I say that little tongue-in-cheek, but there's a little bit of truth to it. Anyway, those are the nine things A man will do that will most likely break your heart And by the way, whether it's a man or woman human beings should let these things go These are areas in your life that everyone can improve upon and I guarantee if you do the work You might find that you'll attract a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship in your life Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know if it is post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts and if it does resonate with you Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos as well All right, those who know my live format know It's time for q&a if you have a question for me In the chat box write the word question and post the question there after it's easier for me to find Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat There's a little dollar sign the chat box all the monies from the super sticker super chat Goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Conor Asley. That's a picture of him right there with his brother Colin It's my son who passed away five and a half years ago Fuck I can't believe it's been five and a half years and his honor We donate to causes like the Hoffman process and insight institute just the name of you Oh and for that for any who just asked about number nine number nine is Two people that don't do personal development together It'll eventually break your heart because without the tools you guys are going to have a Usually a dysfunctional relationship. Okay, so that was number nine All right So by the way, anyone who wants to join the hot seat. I just put the link there if you want to talk to me live I just put the link there and again if you have questions post the question Uh sunshine says I wonder what interrogation jonathan would recommend for men who cannot maintain an erection um You know, I think you know, I think it actually is incumbent of people to talk about sex before they ever have sex and actually has serious questions I will confess I use a blue pill I've been using it for several years. Okay. I wished I didn't have to And it sucks that I don't have the the stamina that I had in my 20s It fucking sucks and ladies you've got to use shit too So, I mean, it's not like this isn't a you know, it doesn't go both ways But you guys are lucky compared to us in this capacity That's one of the reasons why I said self-care is so important because when we maintain better health we can have better erections But yes, I would talk about sex ahead of time. Absolutely. Hey margaret just gave us a 14 dollar super sticker That means our goal is 35 more dollars for tonight. Thank you for the love margaret jane spitfires in the house If a man does not tell you he has sex problem before erectile dysfunction, what do you do that is hurtful if excited Yeah, I think, you know, like this is a tricky part. I think men and women alike have so much There's so much angst over sex Especially our capacity to perform Um, this is what I like talking about sex rather quickly, you know I mean find ask questions sexual questions as you're getting to know someone before you have physical intimacy find out, you know, by the way here In the book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman. Okay Now chapter three right there. Let's get it on sex and intimacy. So let's go to chapter three Page 90 Let's see what kind of questions are listed here um Shoot, I can't find that's going to be too complex. Oh talk about frequency talk about fantasies talk about masturbation talk about prerequisites for sex These are conversations to have possibly before you're physically intimate. These are listing all of them right there Now I remember what page to turn on but go to the book and read it. This will help you Give you some context to how to approach it jane. Okay question From sunshine eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight Do we all just have to expect by agar these days? It's such a disappointment when men can't perform It's a total bummer to be like that. So you can't you know, I take absolute offense to that That's like saying, you know what? It's so offensive. You have to take heart what high heart Medication for your high blood pressure. I mean you've literally just said it's so disappointing that you have to take Medication for your diabetes. It's so disappointing. You have to take medication for your thyroid It's so disappointing. You have to take medication for your tremors. You know what? We can't control this. Does it believe me? I wished I didn't have to take a blue pill So I take absolute fucking offense And i'm laughing because i'm being intentionally riled up here because that's an insulting thing to say if you're disappointed Because what does that say about you and i'm sorry to call you out on this because some of the others might feel this way It's not our choice Okay, well ladies, then what is it about you drying up and you have no lubrication in your vagina? Okay, why do you have to use lube? You know, I mean I it would be so disappointing that you need lube I mean just want you to think of the judgment associated with that I am obviously Radically riled up on this one. So I apologize But can you see how? If I said to you god, it's so disappointing. You need lube, you know, that would be insulting That's how I feel about that And you can stop watching me if that you didn't like what I just said Question, how do I handle gas lighting? Gas lighting with with with a lighter fuel um, if someone gas lights you You have to it's like Full me once shame on me full me full me once shame on you full me twice shame on me If someone is habitually gas lighting you it's probably a sign of that person isn't able to take ownership for their behavior And most likely they will break your heart. So what do you do if it happens habitually and the relationship? That's an emotionally immature person at least in my opinion. Anyway Mw where you repeat the books you recommend. Uh, listen, I will put this banner here write this down jonathan asley dot com forward slash book recommend book hyphen recommendations book hyphen recommendations. Okay All right Rosa says most men disappoint women in bed. You know, I don't like that either That's insulting by the way you girls, you know, you're no picnic either. Okay Men can complain. You don't you know, you don't give a blow job as long enough the minute we start complaining about this Shit will just start attracting more this kind of stuff. Anyways, that's my judgment there. So I take that back Let's keep going Bump bump bump bump bump Julie says good point jonathan. Thank you. I appreciate that gena's in the house Oh, let me just uh bump bump bump bump Okay, uh gena's in the house. Where is that? Where'd that go? Oh, here we go Why is it so hard for some to end the dance of narcissists codependent toxic relationship? You know, I I think it boils down to loving oneself I think the average human being suffers dearly in the capacity to love themselves and I think love attachment style is you know chemically bonded to another human being And healing childhood wounds that cause us to choose toxic relationships requires Herculean work. I really do. I think it takes Herculean work. I think it could take Years of therapy years of working on oneself. You know, it's interesting, you know I'm reluctant to share this personally because I recognize that I have I certainly in my younger days. I was a pig. I chased women just for sex I mean it was a typical guy at that point in my life And even at this point in my life, it's been a few it's been six months. I haven't been physically intimate I'd like to be intimate and I've had opportunities to sleep with women But I know they're not the one and it takes sometimes absolute discipline and restraint You know, the thing is self-discipline Is so radically hard for people. Look, we have a we have a country of obese people They don't have the discipline to cut back on food We don't have the discipline to cut back on drugs and alcohol We don't have the discipline to cut out sex or we don't have the discipline to cut out unhealthy Relationships because self-discipline requires herculean efforts And most humans don't aren't we're a fucking lazy society here in the united states in some ways, particularly on the emotional front This is why I beat the drum over and over and over again to read the book The Hoffman process the Hoffman process This is a deep dive to heal childhood wounds and adult traumas That help us avoid those toxic types of relationships Okay Thank you so much Let's keep going Hey, one of our by the way, if you want to join my private group called midlife love mastery, there's a link below Also in the first comment section. Uh, this is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis I interact with the facebook members there. This is one of our facebook members So says what do I say to a boyfriend after he lied about Him not having erectile dysfunction. I have dated men who lied about erectile dysfunction and they couldn't get a full erection Look at this is the byproduct. I mean coming back to ladies Do you need lube? I mean, it's the same thing. So what other ways can you please each and I'm not a sex expert here Okay, I am not a sex expert What do I say to someone who lied? Just remember do you have any idea how incredibly shameful it is To not be able to have an erection. I mean the emotional effects for some men Is devastating and if there can't be compassion for those of you in this capacity Then I wonder if you really have the compassion to be in a relationship. This isn't just like you want compassion for men And I could start going down a you know a train track of stuff with women and how their whole body and their You know things related to their body part their, you know, their vaginas So this is a two-way street if you want compassion from their side, then you better have compassion from your side That's just my well. What do you do about someone who lied? Just have compassion for them Okay, and then you talk about how by the way, there are plenty of organizations that can teach you how to have better sex Both as in partnership. That's what you should be doing when that happens Can we get off the sex train here? Magic entertainer says why would by the way, does anyone want to join the come on Someone join the hot seat have some bravery and join the hot seat. I just put the link Why would someone keep blocking enough? Because they're nuts Because they're wounded human beings who are dysfunctional does the why really matter Why do you care magic entertainer? Why do you care? Why do you let it bother you? Those are two things I would be asking Why do I seem to care about a person that keeps blocking and unblocking me? And why do I let it affect me? I know you're going to come back and deny it because that's what people do But that's would be the questions I invite you to ask Sarah's in the house Why no, do you help people heal or move forward from a relationship only to help people who are currently dating? You know my area of expertise is not Emotional healing that's not I mean I recommend I recommend my coach Sabrina. She's great at that, but I recommend a lot read the book follow the work of Jeff Brown Grounded spirituality. He talks about somatic therapy. Can someone write that in the chat box somatic therapy? I highly recommend doing somatic therapy. This is this is basically emotional release work Our body stores up a lot of the energy of our wounds and traumas and emotional release work or somatic therapy helps one release that So when they can when they enter into a relationship, they're not their body isn't holding on to so much angst So that's what I recommend again rounded spirituality check out his facebook page and Learn about can someone write somatic therapy in the chat box. Thank you so much Sarah Mary Ann says personal by the way anyone if you want to write ask me a personal question Write the word personal question. I am more than I do my best to answer them Did you get to go to dance? How was it? I didn't I didn't actually have anything planned I I really do need to plan to go to one of Here's the problem. I am so by the end of the day. I mean I'm so spent professionally It's difficult if I have to go cross town to go to a place for me to go So but it's on my list to go dancing. So thank you for asking about that Bump bump bump bump bump bump bump Here we go. Julie's in the house How do I handle it when I get complaints like I'm told I'm not doing something correctly Punch them in the face um First off Definitely read the book on nonviolent communication by marshal rozenberg nonviolent communication marshal rozenberg should have been called compassionate communication You know acknowledge what the other person said And you know to the extent that I appreciate that you have you I appreciate that you see a different way of doing something This is how I choose to do it if it doesn't work for me I will certainly acknowledge that your way was better, but just allow me to do something my way Just like i'm sure you would like me to you know Not judge or correct you if you're doing something a certain way And I just simply need some compassion for how I do things Okay All right. I hope that helps julie and that's just without a specific It's hard for me to give you a generalized question. Jeanette is in the house Hi, jonathan Hi How are you doing? Good. Thank you. How are you doing? Oh, I'm doing great since no one else was Wanting to get In the hot seat. I thought what the heck I'll give it a try All right, so give me your best shot Well, I have a question I belong I'm not on dating sites anymore. I I belong to a meetup group for 50 plus singles. Okay, and um My issue is i'm very friendly and It seems like most men I find seem to think that that means i'm interested but I mean, how do I I don't want to stop being myself and just not Be friendly Okay, so when you say that they perceive you as interested Tell me exactly what happens in your interactions and to give me examples of where this happened Like give me the like how recent has this happened for you Oh within the last couple of weeks and uh, give me an example of what happened Okay, so at one event at a you know watch party for a game Uh, I happen to sit next to one member that I never talked to before And uh, we just made small talk And then at the next event where we danced, um I guess he must have asked me to dance or I noticed he's an introvert He was just sitting there and there's always more women than men uh, I asked him to dance because Hey, let's face it. There's more women than men. So wait, wait, wait. So I want to understand something So I thought you said he asked you to dance. I miss him Well, I can't I can't remember if he asked me most likely. I probably asked him Okay, so you asked him and then what happened and you know, we danced I said, oh he said, oh, you're a good dancer I said, well, you're pretty good too And at another event there was like a ton of women that showed up and we only had like three or four men Show up and I want to go to that party. We're all There's like smart guys to go to those places Well, and I told this same guys I went up to him. I said now David, don't be shy About asking these women to dance because you know, we've only got about three of you men that showed up Okay, let's go back to the guy that you asked dance because you you start this conversation I'm friendly and they think I'm interested. So finish the balance of this Well, you know just by going, you know in in just like last friday, there's these two guys So finish the story about what did okay, so what did he do? Oh, I'm sorry. Okay Trust the boundary with you. Well, he messaged me through the app and Because there's another older guy, you know, I'm 64 and there's this Look at this other member bill who's 77 And we tend to sit together and we'll dance together and I dance with other guys too though And he messaged me this particular guy messaged me and wanted to know if I was tied to bill To bill and I told him we're just friends So I'm I'm thinking ahead and thinking oh, he wants to know if I'm tied to someone so he could ask me out Okay, and I don't like to hurt people's feelings. But what would you so if this guy does Ask me out I mean, how do I Let me ask you Why wouldn't you go out with him? I'm not attracted to him Um, I mean How do you again? I'm 64 and I know where you're going. I'm where am I going? Where am I going that? You can build attraction. I never said that I was not going to well It's like you can't Does he have a beer gut the size the taxes and he's missing too. No, he's he's skinny All right, so you know what? This is where I'm going to be candid with you. Is he a good man? Oh, I get my gut tells me he's a good man You know what good men are hard to find and by the way, there were three out of 30 in this room Why not go out on a date with him? What's so wrong with that? Well, you know, I I was kind of subconsciously thinking that earlier like what the heck just go out Okay, if you go out and they ask for a second date and you just don't Feel it I mean, you know, I I'm going to share something with you I've observed and I've interviewed thousands of women in happy Relationships and nearly one third of them have said to me and I quote I wasn't attracted to my guy on the first second or third date And something changed See men tend to fall in love between with their eyes and women tend to fall in love between the ears And what that means to say is I mean unless you are so grossed out by him that you literally like like this If he's not, you know, if he's halfway pleasant looking You've got nothing to lose by giving it a shot. Well, I didn't want to say it, but he's he's homely Okay, well, I mean, okay on a scale from one to ten. Where do you Hey What am I? Yeah, I don't know. I I'd say five Okay, so what does that make him? One Wow Wow That's just cold That's cold like what is like nothing Like I mean, that's just cold No, I've got to call you out on this that is really cold the average person is a five Most everybody on the planet is a five. He isn't you said he doesn't he's he doesn't have a beer gut Besides the Texas and he isn't missing a couple front teeth. I mean I I think Okay, you know what you're entitled to do what you want. So now we're coming back to your question How do you handle it? You just simply say thank you so much. I don't have that kind of feelings towards you Gosh I don't feel like I don't resonate with you. Okay. I don't have those kind of feelings towards you But I'm going to call you out Jeanette. That's just cool. Appreciate that By the way, and I by the way, I'm intentionally and I apologize if this is harsh, but you know This is where most humans egos are fucking through the roof No offense to you, but I'm speaking to everybody right now because everybody is most likely a five. Okay That doesn't mean that they're I mean, I mean, I'm talking Quasimodo is like a one. Okay Like that's what you like are calling him the elephant man and I guarantee he's not And I for his sake I hope he meets someone who can appreciate his looks and I hope you can find someone you feel attracted to But I'm here to say is If you don't if you want to be able to articulate that you're not interested just say thank you so much I really appreciate the invitation. I don't have those kind of feelings for you Well, and the other issue is In what are the odds? I've got three men. I know are interested and they're all three 77 years old Hey, I'm at this point in my life I want to have some history with someone. I mean 77. That's my father's 98 years old. Okay My mother died at 88. Okay So sweetheart, you can be with a guy 77. He might live to 97. You might only live to 87 That means you're pretty close to gonna die at the same time. You know, here's the thing you can't buy We can't predict when people are gonna die. But what we can do is give our heart fully and the best we can Because if you're always waiting For that right circumstance, guess what happens You're that skeleton in that cage you see in those pirates of the caribbean movies. Okay Okay So thank you for having the bravery to deal with some of jonathan's tough love. I really appreciate that I hope we answered your question And I hope you do come back for more if you don't feel like I beat you up Okay, well, and I know I mean I was prepared and I appreciate the candor, you know, so yes Um, well, thank you very much jonathan. All right big hugs to you. Okay. Appreciate it. Talk to you later. Bye. Bye So folks, you know, I I'm sorry I feel a little like I'm a little tough on her because I just didn't appreciate the one You know, I mean to call the guy out as a one But I will say this there are going to be Circumstances where you're gonna meet someone who isn't your type, but you'd be surprised A man's heart Can outweigh his looks I believe If a man is a genuinely good man of good character and he's got a heart Those are men you should give chances to that's my opinion. Anyway, and janette. Thanks for taking the having the bravery to join On the broadcast today all right Oh, we I'm sure we've got a lot of questions that have popped up since then By the way, anyone else want a little tough love join the hot seat. I just put the link there Uh Oh, here's one of these long. Okay. I am currently In a long distance relationship some days he communicates a lot the next day. I don't hear from him We have a 12 hour difference. This is really getting hard to handle Uh, what do you recommend? I recommend dating in person. That's what I recommend and if you don't otherwise If you're going to do long distance dating that have a plan of how to take the distance And put you guys in the same room and in this case if it's 12 hours That means you're a continent away, which most likely means any you are in what's known as a cyber relationship And most likely what you're experiencing is artificial intimacy And i'm not a big fan of artificial intimacy and cyber relationships I think two people to truly get to know one another need to physically do social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with Family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in your personal and your professional life intimacy both physical emotional Intimacy that leads either moving in together getting married. That is my recommendation All right, arora is in the house. Uh, oh, she's smiling because she knows Hi Hi, can you hear me? Okay. Yeah, I can hear you. Okay. So I don't have a question. I have a testimonial Oh, okay. Yes. I wanted to thank you my soldier ended up staying So he didn't get deployed the oh, yeah, I remember you now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, by the way Tell everybody really quickly that's never didn't hear the back story. Okay long story short. I met um this gentleman on bumble of all things And um, I wanted to say something So, um, we met in december. We were dating but he admitted that he was um Well admitted but he disclosed that he was going to be deployed and um We were waiting to hear word on that and it just so happened there was like a paperwork issue with an allergy he had and It turned out just long story short that he's not being deployed But he has to do this panel for the next two years And we were praying and we were you know thinking about what am I going to do because my quandary was Was I going to be in a long-distance relationship with him while he was overseas? and I was contemplating that and Thinking about it and you know, we don't want to do cyber relationships. It was a very deep new relationship So, um, it turned out that he ended up staying and now we can take a breather and continue our relationship and date Okay, so let's get some backs. Let's let's give you some coaching right now. Yep for it I am but I don't want to tell you two other things too. He did the contract. I told him about you I told him about the contract. He was already Dating vows by the way By the dating vows there's a link below to get a copy of jonathan's dating vows Yes, so we did and how did he respond the dating vows are basically an agreement two people make Before they're physically intimate with one another to kind of set the stage like like a wedding vow to set the parameters Of how we're going to approach this. How did he receive the dating vows? He literally told me this is how people should be in relationships anyway I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you say that one more time He literally responded that this was like a no-brainer. This is how people should treat each other in relationships and committed Relationships anyways, and he said I need to interrupt you here for all of those that have judged and criticized me For having a few ground rules before the penis goes inside the vagina Here is a testimonial that said a man said wow, we should be doing this shit. Okay What's the second thing you want to share? Yes, and and the other thing I want to tell you jonathan I wanted to thank you for sharing your personal story and your breakup and how you are navigating being single and going out there Because I was very much against going back on the dating sites I didn't want to do it anymore and I said i'm not going to do this But I thought about it you said that doing that and having a bumble profile and sharing your profile was an avenue It was just an avenue to be open to the universe and and allow this to come in And I said okay fine, and I went on it and and now here I got a wonderful man so far Everything's working out great, and I want to thank you jonathan Okay, you're very welcome. So Now we're gonna ask you some questions. Okay, when did you first okay? When did you first meet them? How long ago december 14th? We first connected on bumble Okay, so we are at january 29th for those that are watching this month later So roughly about six weeks ago you physically met on you connected on bumble sick And did you have a when was your first date? We had a video chat, which I guess would be the first date on 23rd of december Okay, and then when did you physically first meet them that tuesday? So that would have been um, maybe the 27th. I think okay. All right You guys go out for new year's eve. You know what he was going to buy a ticket to do that I had when you say buy a ticket. Where does he live? I went out with a group of friends to a nearby place I didn't have the kids this year. So I went I went to a nearby place with some friends Who did a new york's eve party and he was gonna he bought a ticket. He got sick Well, he got sick So how many times have you physically seen him face to face? Now since then gosh, um Honestly probably five or six Okay, so in about a six week seven week period you guys have gotten together about six seven times Yes, at least twice a week Okay, and you've obviously been intimate because you did the dating vows. We did the dating vows By the way, since the whole conversation earlier was about sex without betraying a confidence here. How was it? Wonderful. Okay. Good to hear. Also. We talked about everything ahead of time Okay, you talked about sex ahead of time. Wasn't I just declaring that earlier in this video? Okay, good to hear. Okay. So what are the red flags? um Well, um, let's see good question. I think you know what the red flags right now is that I'm very Outgoing and bubbly and high energy and he's he's very chill. He's a virgo. I'm a Pisces. I know you're into that Jonathan So you're a leo So, um, like my Pisces energy, but I'm like a bubbly Pisces and he's a very stable calm chill virgo So that's the only thing but so far, you know, we've been out together and he's had a good time So it's not like he's holding me back Well, you know what? I mean and by the way, I know you appreciate that I've shared aspects of my previous relationship I like well, I liked mostly that she was chill whenever I was a basket kick Okay, so I just appreciate someone who has a chill personality But I will also say that one of the challenges in my relationship was that we were both too chill You know, I mean it actually needs someone bubbly You need the person who's chill needs the the contrast the polarity to lift the other person up So long as coming back to they have a flexible personality that they have an agreeable personality Yeah, he's very flexible and chill I think I might need Ian to ground me Actually So he's in the military Yes, okay, and how old is he? He is seven years younger than me Okay, well, I think you're blushing. Okay, so um, so all right, so he's he's 43. He's 43. Okay, so you're 50. Okay For the record my relationship before maria I was with someone 10 years older. Um, so okay, so Now how so what does he do for a living? I mean, is he a military person? Is that what he does? No civilian job is it? Oh, okay. So so this is so not me. What's the likelihood he could get deployed at any time in the future? You know what he has to now go through the whole panel for two years and and then after that it would be Maybe another five years. It's a five-year rotation. So okay, and when was his last significant relationship? Um, he said uh four years ago Okay, and is he is he married divorced? He's completely divorced Okay, and how's his relationship with his ex? It's it's amicable, but she lives in another state with one of their children. So oh even better Yeah, I know I know I know Okay, so okay amicable, uh, and how's and are you divorced? Yes. Yeah And how's your relationship with your ex? It's it's as much as you know amicable It's amicable much much more than used to be so yeah, right and well I'm bringing this up because contentious relationships with exes bleed into or you know, um Marriages bleed into every new relationship. So far so good All right, so Did I say what red flags are so you said red flags as he's chill? You're too high strong That would be the only thing I could see so far Okay All right. All right. You have my blessing. Keep going forward Don't create make babies. No. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. We're both not gonna do that. We're done We want to travel that that sort of thing is traveling. So we already talked about that I want to just say this first off you are a shining example of what By asking deeper questions particularly with the dating vows How I can actually establish deeper intimacy with another person Okay, I would even recommend reading some of the books that I've outlined here today that I continually outline Because this is how you can build deeper intimacy when you build deeper intimacy with a person It actually bonds you to them. This is where deeper friendship lies when you can be vulnerable You can be authentic You can be transparent with one another and you're still in the honeymoon phase But I just don't want you to forget the vetting stage is equally as important as well Because we can get attached and we can turn red flags into green flags when we're wrapped up in that lust and limerence phase so just remember to Be detached to the outcome And by the time you get to the three-month mark if the two of you are saying hey We want to take this to the next level then dive in because love is Love is the most awesome thing on the planet. So yeah, drive into it full hard to feel this way again. That's for sure All right, well arora. Thank you so much for for sharing and I appreciate the testimonial big Thank you. Thanks for you. Thank you so much. Jonathan. All right. Bye. Bye now Wow, what a wonderful example of taking charge of your life ladies. I am here to continually encourage you To remember that you are in charge of your relationship destiny Do not give that up to a man and what that means is you ask deeper questions early on to establish What direction are we heading because as I said in the beginning of this broadcast? Sexes should be sacred Okay, and it should be reserved for people that you're actually exploring a relationship with and I recognize that most of us dating coaches Will give you advice to how to avoid the wrong person you're currently in relationship in But i'm here to encourage asking deeper questions early on before you ever physically get intimate with a man Because that puts the odds in your favor that puts the odds in your favor. All right We've got uh, some more people have asked questions here Bear with oh, I just want to give props Jeanette Thanks for the love the 50 dollar super sticker. That means we have 65 tonight. That means we have 35 more dollars to go Thanks for the love and I want to give some props to um Rosa for the nine dollars ten dollar super sticker. That means we have 25 more dollars to go to hit 100 tonight Thank you for that Jane spitfire says I always like military men. You know what? Here's the thing about military or People that are firemen policemen military people CIA agents. No, we can't count those because they're they could be liars What's fascinating about that is what they have what's known as protective chemistry. Does anyone remember the movie? um Twilight Edward a vampire, you know because of his skill set. He could protect Bella Okay, and there's something incredibly Toxicating about those men by the way folks. I can't fight my way out of a paper bag if we get mugged or fucked I'm sorry. I just don't have that skill set 99 out of 100 men weren't or maybe 90 out of 100 men were just not trained how to fight But there is something incredibly sexy about those that can protect you and I can understand Why jane spitfire says I always like military men. So thanks for sharing that Uh, sunshine says good that he's younger. Yeah, that's kind of cool By the way, if I by the way, if I was in my 20s, I'd be dating older women. I think older women are hot Uh, john are the dating vows in your book. No Dating vows are listed below in my in in my show notes folks book recommendations and dating vows And I will post it in the first comment On this when this video ends. I will post all the links to connect with me. Okay And w says uh roar is pretty I agree. What a great smile What great energy both women had both janet and aurora. I think they were both beautiful women All right. Oh lighthouse just gave us a $20 super sticker. Thank you for the love. Oh my god I really appreciate the love tonight. Thank you all so much Hey, we just come up on an hour. So I think this will be a great place to wrap up Uh, just a reminder those nine things a man will do to break your heart I'll just recite them really quickly if he's inflexible If he's not good at listening if he's judgmental if he holds grudges being overly critical Uh neglecting self-care avoiding apologies being dismissive and avoiding personal development People that do that will most likely break your heart folks. Thank you so much for allowing me to enter your life tonight If you have something to share post the comment below I did my best to read them all from the first 24 hours as always if you found value in this video Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell as well And by the way in the show notes and in the first comment are a link to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with The coach is right for you my group called midlife love mastery. Follow me on instagram get the book recommendations or get my dating vows It's listed there Julie says I like your passion. Thank you so much. I appreciate that Elena says another great conversation. Thank you so much. I appreciate that as well And I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first. I've given myself a big gigantic Jonathan barrack of self-love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet teddy bear pillow You've entered them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank jenette and aurora and julie and magic entertainer and jane spitfire and power of chi and Lindsay and beach lover and alana and six seven oh three four five uh lighthouse uh dianne margaret Sharon sara rosa lisa dianne nw And everyone tracy and everyone else big hugs. Thanks for the love. Have a wonderful fabulous evening. Take care