 Hello everybody, welcome back to Esoteric Atlanta on this Wednesday morning. Normally at this time on Wednesdays, we are releasing our installment of the Magdalen series. But today is a very special day. The Magdalen series will return next week. Today's a very special day because you guys, y'all just finished a 60, excuse my language, but a 60 fucking day yoga or shadow work challenge. I'm using yoga challenge, shadow work. That's a lot, that's a lot of days. That's a lot of days to be working on yourself. And I'm joining you of course, you guys know Tracy, you know Emmy. Tracy just is starting to now open up her own platform. So I'll be putting that down in the description box below. And of course you guys know Emmy and her platform that those links will also be down in the description box as well. And I have Cassandra Green here and Lori here. Cassandra has been on my channel before with a Monday mystery and Lori is new on my channel but you guys volunteered to come in and talk about your experiences on this 60 day adventure into the journey of the dark night of the soul, the journey of the south. And so how are, first of all, how are you ladies doing this morning? Well, doing good. Yeah. Awesome. Well, as you guys know, if you're new to my channel, we do, first of all, welcome. I do do a lot of research into strange topics, but one of my specialties, what I've done professionally now for 17 years off of YouTube as I am, the only female authorized in the state of Georgia to be teaching a traditional form of yoga called Ashtanga yoga. And with that yoga is literally, the practice of yoga is literally an awesome practice, a physical practice designed for shadow work. I did not call it shadow work back in the days of Yorn. You know, I don't know whether it's interesting or sad that the yoga sutras are about 5,000 years old and we're still having to learn, as humans, we're still having to learn these lessons. But as we've been going through this great awakening, you know, something that I'm really at this point starting to kind of get a little bit like antsy about, you know, we first entered into this great awakening. I think people were so fascinated by the intel. And the intel, the intellectual component of this great awakening is important in the sense that it's a catalyst. But beyond that, it's got nothing to do with the great awakening, right? The great awakening is the spiritual awakening of who you are. And so a lot of people have joined these shadow work challenges and what is shadow work? Shadow work is your shadow side. In every, you know, it's like the parts of you, the parts of you that are not pleasant, right? The parts of you, I actually just recorded the Hathors for next week, which is gonna be the last installment, I talked about this because they talk about this as well. You know, if we look at low vibrational wounds, we, you know, if you struggle with jealousy, whether that's in a romantic relationship or a friendship, if you struggle with jealousy of other people's lives or the way they look, if there's envy there, if there's abandonment issues, is there, if there's betrayal issues, all these dark sides of the human soul, that's not, that's what's keeping you in this Sam's Gark or Karmic loop that allows the controllers to do what they're doing because it's like a tract like. And I think sometimes when we get into these spiritual worlds or these great awakenings, we immediately try to bypass the spiritual work to get to the good stuff, right? To get to the fun stuff. And that's not what spirituality is at all. And I'm just so floored for both the 30 day challenge and the 60 day challenge. I had about 600 people globally reach out for those templates and all it was for those who are not familiar is I just created a daily template for 60 days. Some days had a lot of stuff, some days not so much. We worked through, Emi did a beautiful week when it came to loss and grief and, you know, all the stuff that goes along with that. And then we also looked at childhood trauma. We looked at all these different sides of us that create these wounds, right? And that's what I keep telling people and I can't wait to hear y'all's perspective on this because I keep trying to shake people away it can be like no one is coming to save you. And that's your privilege. It's your privilege that no one is coming to save you. It's that's the plot twist is that you have to save yourself and you can save yourself. It's not gonna be easy, but you can do it. And so I don't know, and I think for Mr. Box and I were talking last night because we're planning a big show on the wall of one and we were talking about this, how deep we were gonna go into this idea of wonderers and he was saying, you know, people who tend to kind of get this like all of a sudden they just understand this concept they're probably wonderers. Whereas people where this is a very difficult concept for people to understand this idea of healing yourself going within in order to change the outside of your life, the vibratory outside, the macro. Those are people that probably it's their first time to be what the law of one calls harvest or graduate to a higher density. And so I don't know, Emmy, let's start with you Emmy because besides me, you also do this for a living outside of YouTube too. So let's start with Emmy. As Emmy was one of the hosts of this shadow work experience as well. She was one of our hosts. So I'm gonna pass the microphone over to Emmy now. Hi everybody. So I didn't participate with the, I almost said contestants or contestants, it's a game show. I've been saying challengers and I think that sounds just as bad, but I don't know. Cause you're not challenging anybody, but yourself, right? You're challenging you. That's it. You're not challenging. There are no winners here. You're all, even though we will be drawing prizes, you are all winners. And I want to thank you for bringing that up, Emmy. I want to mention that too. Yes, I did not do the 60 day template either. First of all, I can't do what I created. That's not ethical. And I have my own teacher. So I do my own shadow work all the time anyway. But I think Emmy is the same way is that we both come from this world where this is what we do off camera as well. So we can extend our experience to other people to help other people get started on their journey as well. So thank you for saying that Emmy. All right, girl, back to you. Okay. Yeah, so like Bryce was saying, I didn't follow the template that was given to everyone. I kind of did my own thing throughout this, mainly the yoga and I'm doing a course in miracles. And these last few months have been a rather large piece of the onion peeled off for me. I have had many energetic and emotional and spiritual experiences over the last three months. It started for me in the beginning of December. And astrologically, there was stuff going on with a Yod. And I know that we had discussed that a while ago and that Yod formation had been in place from the beginning of December to the beginning of February. And I think that for a lot of us light workers, it activated a lot of what we brought with us from past lives as far as what needs to be healed, but also what we brought with us from past lives that are gifts, spiritual gifts. I've had things activate and come online that I wasn't able to do before, which is scary and exciting at the same time because it's like, okay, now I am aware of these gifts and abilities. So I feel obligated to develop them. It's like, I don't know. It's a lot, it can be a lot. For me, a lot of stuff came up that I wasn't really able to pinpoint to a specific experience or trauma. It just was stuck energy, emotions that were stored in the body that hadn't been worked through yet, maybe residual feelings, because our bodies store everything. And as I was doing the yoga, I've been doing yoga for about eight months. And as I was doing the yoga and working this stuff out of my body, it was coming up. And so I was having really, really deep emotions. It felt very constrictive, very oppressive almost. And for me, this part of the growth cycle is the feminine part of the growth cycle where you are embodying and integrating and accepting and forgiving is really difficult because I'm a doer, I take action and that's very masculine. So that the masculine intellectual parts of growth are easier for me because I feel like I'm doing something. The feminine parts where you just have to allow is really freaking hard. And I just kind of felt like I was underground for the last three months. And I might make a separate video about my energetic and emotional experiences because this stuff is really wild. As a Reiki practitioner, I'm familiar with what energy feels like. And the stuff that happened to me was just like so wild. I'm pretty sure it was a Kundalini awakening and Kundalini rising happens gradually over a very long period of time. But I think that there are moments in that awakening or rising where things happen really quickly. Like there's a burst of things released and I had one of those. And I am so grateful. So, so grateful that I had years to do a lot of this work before that happened. I see now why when Kundalini rises really rapidly like that, why people go psycho or blind or it is so, so incredibly powerful. And can we actually pause on that for a minute because you brought up a really important topic that I wanted to, just you saying this, I'm like, yes, this is so freaking important because I know Emmy and I are obviously good friends off camera, so we talk a lot. And so we know what each other's going through on a very personal level that we don't present to the audience sometimes. And we spoke about this. And I'm gonna use this as an example because what Emmy was saying is a huge part of the 60 day shadow work was the exercise portion. And a lot of people don't understand how important exercise is when it comes to doing the psychological spiritual mind, body, spirit work because the body is the GPS system of the soul. It's the Shakti of the soul. And if you go back and study a lot of these ancient texts, I mean, literally as I was saying, the practice of yoga which is based off of a 5,000 year old text, these asanas, these postures were literally created as the catalyst to open up these different pathways in the body. And so the body is your job as a seeker, as an initiate, as someone who's seeking is to actually utilize, exhaust the property, exhaust the nature for the unlocking to occur within the energetic realms. And I will use myself. I know when Emmy and I were speaking about this, she's right, yeah. Kundalini, when Kundalini rises, it's not a joyous, blissful experience. It's not like all of a sudden you're an ecstasy. It can be very painful. There is a book I have up here where they talk about bliss, can be blistering. And we want Kundalini to rise very slowly because you have a nervous system. And we talk a lot about a perfect example for me with this, and then we can go back to Emmy and have you guys talk about your experiences too. So for me, my lower back has always been a huge, huge problem. I had back surgery and I was 17. Now, of course, we know that's around the Mulladara area, which is actually the base, the pelvic floor of where Kundalini lies, the serpent snake curled up. Now, when I started practicing Ashtanga yoga, and back bending is a huge part of Ashtanga yoga. And I've laughed, I've punched a teacher coming out of a back bend, Tim Feldman, Kenan McGregor's husband. I punched him coming out of a deep back bend. That's where a lot, leg behind the head, handstands, all sorts of that kind of stuff was very easy for me. I'm very athletic, it was easy, but the back bending was where my mental, my mental and my emotional states were broken down and basically shook if I was shook it down to my core. And when I really started working on catching my ankles in a back bend, I would have these gnarly, gnarly sensations, and this might sound a little bit vulgar, but that's okay, like my crotch for a woman, your vagina, all the way up to like my navel, like in the middle of my body, I would be in this back bend and I would feel this like intense burning sensation coming up from my crotch, all the way up to my navel to the point where I would just want to come out of it because I couldn't, and nobody could tell me what was happening. No one could tell me what that was. And I knew in the sensation, I knew it wasn't actually physical, even though it founded like this cord of energy just on fire up through that area of my body, that pelvic floor region of my body. And it wasn't until I met Todd at a Shangyoga Atlanta that he told me, that's your Kundalini. And so we look at the concept of shadow work in my experience and what Emmy's saying, being like kind of brought to your knees by your own emotion, for me the back bending, Kundalini was never gonna rise for me with my leg behind my head because there was no obstacle there. There was no bondage there. That's why we have to lean into the hard stuff because that's actually the key of unlock. Where you have that resistance, where there is friction, whether that's physical, usually the physical follows the emotional and the spiritual, so there's a physical block there. It's typically coming from the mental and the emotional. That's where the juicy part, that's why I say that's where it's juicy. That's where there's potential for an unlocking. It's not gonna be with the stuff that you think is easy. There's never gonna be any type of enlightenment through the easy stuff. It's always gonna come through the really, really hard, I mean, really hard stuff, right? I mean, like I said, my instinct in a deep back bend was to fly out. The only person that ever punched in my life was coming out of it. That was the trigger point for me, right? So that's what Emmy is saying. So I wanted to highlight that and we'll go and talk more about that because I don't think people realize that. I think so many people think that it's supposed to be rainbows and butterflies and spirituality supposed to feel good. It rarely feels good. You know, I tell my students all the time in yoga class, pretty yoga bores me, it's boring. Messy yoga, ugly yoga, that's what's interesting. And if you're at a point where your practice is pretty, then you've stopped growing and learning. You gotta push it to the next level at that point. You gotta make it messy again. You gotta make yourself a little bit unsteady, push a little deeper, right? And so I'll bring it back to Emmy and then we can talk more about that because I think that's the real kicker for people is that when they say the answer to your freedom, to your liberation lies just outside of your fears, right? It's just outside of that boundary of fear. That's where the liberation lies and nobody else can literally, like nobody can jump into your body for you and pull that Kundalini up. You literally are the only person. That's not me being tough love. That is literally the only is you have to do it. You have to do it. There's nobody else who can do it for you. So anyway, let me bring it back to you, Emmy. Yes, yes. Just to support what you were saying, everything we have ever wanted is just outside of our comfort zone. Everything. And we just have to get to the point where we're willing to believe that it's us that has to do it, you know? For a long time, it's very easy to watch other people and to feel satisfied with watching videos and reading books and stuff. But until you start to apply it and actually see and feel the changes, it's, I don't know, it's very empowering. Once you get to the point where you're like, okay, I'm gonna do this and you'd make that decision. And it is so empowering. It's so empowering and you get the motivation and the inspiration to continue even though it is incredibly hard, even though, you know, ego tries to deter you and confuse you and interrupt you and get in the way. If you make that decision and you're determined to continue to show up, no matter what it feels like, no matter what comes through, it's just so incredibly empowering. And then I would like to say one thing about this Kundalini experience for me. You know, I've had these over the last, I think my Kundalini awakening started over the last couple of years. And what indicates, you know, I don't know for sure, I can't say for sure. You know, I definitely don't want to say for sure because that would be, that would be ego. You could be like, oh yeah, I've had my Kundalini awakening, I'm good. No. So some of the physical or the somatic sensations that you can have is very similar to, for me, if you touched like a live wire from an electrical outlet and it's that like vibratory plus the electrical sensation, that's the feeling that I would get over the last couple of years in the bowl of my pelvis. And it would last for five, 10 minutes and go away. And I'm like, what is this weird thing in my pelvis? You know, nobody could answer me. And, you know, it wasn't until I started watching more people in the spiritual community that I had a better idea, oh, well, maybe that's Kundalini. And another experience I had too after a Reiki attunement was, I saw almost like a vascular system, but it wasn't vascular. It was energetic inside my body and it was all lit up with this really beautiful icy blue. Like it looked like veins just everywhere, but it was energetic with this blue light. And I'm like, what is that? That perhaps may be with the not feeling so good. It's like, yeah, it brings all this stuff up that hasn't been resolved yet. It's almost like it all comes up all at once. And when it first started in the beginning of December for me for two days, I had this completely and totally blissed out euphoric feeling. It felt like a Reiki attunement for two days straight. I had no idea. I was like, what the heck? I thought I was just going through some kind of energetic upgrade, but I think that that was the start of this burst, I guess, of Kundalini rising. And then after that was all of the emotional stuff. Like there was so much stuff that came up around my heart space, I think because that's where a lot of my still unresolved issues or perhaps issues that I had worked through, but because I wasn't doing the body work, it was kind of still stuck here. And then doing the yoga, I noticed I had the most trouble with my arms and shoulders. And just pushing through, just pushing through, just pushing through. I just found myself continuing to show up on my mat even though I did not want to be there. I did not want to do it. I don't know, I was compelled. And if someone were to ask me, what did you do to motivate yourself? I don't know, it's got to be God because of my own accord, consistency is not a quality that I have had throughout my life. It's been something that I've had to work for. But the devotion and the dedication that I've had to the yoga, it must be a God thing because it was to- It's not the motivation. You just said it. I was gonna, it's the devotion. It's the sadhana, which the second sutra, the second padas of the yoga sutra is the sadhana. Sadhana means devotion. So that's the difference. And I'm so glad you said that, Emmy, because it's not about motivation. Like at first, when you first start anything, like I'm sure the first few days of the shadow work challenge, it's like, oh my God, this is amazing. I'm gonna change my life. This is so fun. But then by like the second week, you're like, fuck, why did I sign up for this? Cause all of a sudden that motivation, there was a great, I don't know where this was. And if anybody in the comment section can paste this, it was from a music students. And they use a very foul language, but I'm not afraid of fouling, but they were like, motivation can fuck off. It's not about, they were like a violinist. They were talking about, it's about dedication. It's about discipline. That's where the word disciple comes from. That's sadhana. It becomes your sadhana. I'm telling you guys, I work out our practice five to six days a week. Today's a moon day, so I did not practice this morning, but I, cause I observed moon days, I still, after 17 years of doing this, every single morning, cause I do early morning Brahma-Mortha practices, when my alarm goes off, I am immediately thinking of an excuse not to do it. Still, 17 years later, I get up and do it anyway, and I'm hating it. Most of the time I'm hating it. I don't wanna be there. But that's that lesson from the Bhagavad Gita that I've spoken about with Krishna and Arjuna, where Arjuna's like, I don't wanna do this. And Krishna's like, stop shit. This is what you signed up for. Buckle up Buttercup, it's on you boo. And then Krishna says to Arjuna, you need to love the work for the sake of the work, not for the fruits of your labor, which is really hard for us like Westerners. We've been conditioned. Nothing wrong with capitalism, trust me. I don't think any of us are arguing about that, but we've conditioned to do all these things for the fruits of our labor instead of actually being in the moment with the work. And so when I'm doing, cause I love bar as well, when I'm doing my practice or I'm in a bar class and I'm triggered in the moment to bring myself into that trigger, lean into it versus trying to escape it. Or like if I feel my quadriceps burning and I lean into that fire and I start to change my perspective like, holy shit, this is my body being alive. Wow, look at what my body can do. Look at what, look at the secrets, the mysteries that lie within my own psyche in this moment. And even though this moment is really uncomfortable, it's uncomfortable because there's power here, because there's friction, there's that spark there. There's, if something's easy or comfortable, there's no friction. And when there's no friction, there's no spark, right? It's the match in the match book. The match is everything it needs in it to light. But if it just lays there comfortably, it's never gonna light. But the minute that match is struck up against that map, that's not comfortable for that match to rub its head up against that match book, but that strike is what creates that spark and that light. That's the biggest thing I want people to take away from this shadow work challenge. And that's what Emmy is, cause it's not, it's not about being motivated. It's not about, you know, putting on your cute Lulu lemons and braiding your hair and going to a yoga class. It's about actually showing up when it's hard. And that's that, that's that, that's that discipline, that's that devotion, that's that sadhana. So yeah, yeah. So Emmy, I don't know if you want to keep going or... Yeah, I just have a couple more things that I'd like to share. So yeah, I wonder if motivation comes from ego and devotion comes from spirit. And we're always looking to motivation to do stuff. And if we're looking to our ego to do stuff, that's interesting. I'm going to think on that for a minute. So a couple, a couple, I just wanted to share a couple other symptoms, physical symptoms that I had over the last few months. There was this intense heat. I would feel like my insides were like on fire. It wasn't painful. It just felt like I was just on fire, just boiling on the inside. And then when that sensation would subside, I'd be freezing cold on the outside, but still have this sensation of heat on the inside. And like my hair was standing up on end, all over my body, I had goosebumps and everything. And that happened a few times over the last few months. And then another symptom, which I had to look up because I had never heard of this before, but we have four diaphragms. We have the one under our lungs, but we have the bundas. So we have four diaphragms basically. When those diaphragms are contracting and releasing, through the practice of exercise or yoga or what have you, it helps to raise that Kundalini, that Kundalini is in our cerebral spinal fluid. And when that's being raised, the cerebral spinal fluid will come up. And then at some point, it comes into, goes down the back of your throat. And it's like really salty and like a slight metallic taste to it. And I didn't know that was another symptom too. And I was having all this drainage and every like, there was a couple of days where I blew my nose like 20 times. I'm like, what the heck is this? Turns out it's possible that that is another symptom of Kundalini. And what happens with that is it starts to work on your nervous system from inside the gut. I've also been having all kinds of stomach, weird stomach things happening. It could be that, you know, I don't know for sure, but it really does with the emotional stuff, the physical stuff, it really does lend to a awakening or a rising or another layer or what have you. But those are, that's all I wanted to share. The last three months for me have been the wildest, one of the wildest rides in my spiritual awakening and growth that I've had thus far. I always tell my students, you know, cause I will admit, everybody knows I love my reality TV. If I, that's how I relax my brain, probably because I know it's fake and it's a way for me to shut down, but you're never gonna experience a reality show as wild as the one that's living within your own psyche. Right? That's the biggest telenovela that you're ever, the biggest drama is gonna be, and you don't even, and I tell my students in the mice world class all the time, like there are gonna be times when you're gonna realize that you're the asshole. Like you're, you know, that's gonna be the most uncomfortable experience. And I think you're right, I think you hit on something, Emmy. I think you're right. I think motivation is ego-based. Where is devotion is spirit-based. And that's the big fight, right? That's the big fight. So I'm gonna now pass it over to Tracy. Since Tracy has been doing this for a while with me too, she did the yoga course back. And guys, yes, I haven't asked about when Emmy and I are gonna be doing our next. Yaki yoga and Reiki course. We're in the talks about picking dates for that soon. So that will be coming very soon. But Tracy has been doing this for a while. She's been doing a lot of work on herself. She did the yoga course. So I'm gonna pass the ball over to Tracy and let her talk about her experiences. Okay, so I actually started the shadow work challenge in November. I did the first challenge and took Bryce's yoga class, which was amazing for me. I have not done any form of physical exercise that's daily exercise for years. I can't remember when the last time was that I actually exercised. I'm very active and I work outside and I do all kinds of things on my own. But to actually exercise, I had not done that. And that was very difficult for me to do because I was not used to a regimented exercise program. So when I started the challenge in November, that was something that I had to get used to. So I'm glad I did that challenge because it gave me the opportunity to prepare for the 60 day challenge by actually getting used to doing something I hadn't been doing for years for a lot of years. So that piece was really good for me. And then when I started the yoga class with Bryce, it really showed me that I had a lot of work to do on myself through, I'm gonna say, through the pain in my body. I mean, I can't remember when I didn't have pain in my body. I'm a very healthy person. However, I've been, I've had a lot of injuries. So my pain comes from those types of things. So like Bryce was saying earlier, I have this pain, I've lived with it for so long. I just, it was just part of me and who I was and you get used to it and you don't think anything of it. You just keep moving on. Well, once I started doing yoga practice, I was able to see that that pain was moving. It would move in my body. And by recognizing that pain, excuse me, by recognizing the pain and trying to figure out what that was and what in my life or other lives had caused that pain, then that gave me the opportunity to grow even more and release some of that pain. So starting the yoga practice was really good for me and I'm still doing that practice. And I do that every morning. No, I don't like to get up and do it. Like Bryce says, it's not something that I want to get up and do. But once I start the practice, I feel really good. I feel, yeah, there's pain in the poses and whatnot, but I feel good because I feel like I'm working through that energy. I feel like it's forcing that energy through my body so that I can grow and heal. So that was a big aspect of the initial challenge. So, and then we had that break in between which gave me the chance to realize that I still wanted to work with that yoga. I wasn't doing it because it was part of a challenge. I wasn't doing it because I had agreed to do it and I just needed to follow through and because I am like that, if I tell someone I'm gonna do something, I do it. I follow through with it. But that month in between the 30 day challenge and the 60 day challenge for me was a way for me to show myself that I could continue doing all of that for me, not because it's an agenda or I said I would do it. So that whole month of my working on myself was done privately with me alone and I just did it. So coming into January when we started the 60 day challenge, I had pretty much two months behind me of working on myself and prior to that really for two years prior to that, I had been doing a lot of work. A lot of changes happened in my life but I think those, that work was just the precursor to what I did in November. That work was what allowed me to be able to recognize in myself where I needed to focus and what needed to heal because I had already experienced those pains and those traumas and I needed to heal them and that was how I started to do that within that first 30 days. So then coming into the 60 day challenge, moving forward, I have to share too, before I go too far, I love our signal group. I love the people in that group. Everyone is so kind and compassionate and heartfelt. They are just supportive of each other and every way I have never experienced a group of people that's so compassionate. So I have to say that first because yes, we had the signal group in November work right through this group and it's just been amazing and it's been so helpful to me in order to do the work because there are days when this is gonna get emotional. There are days when I didn't wanna do something and I would go on that chat and I would share with them and they would be, you go girl, you can do this, keep going. So the fact that there are people that are supporting you through this is just amazing. So that right there was a big help for me. So continuing through the work itself, I was able to, Emi is awesome. Sorry, Emi is awesome. I've had a few sessions with Emi and she has helped me to clear some energy out that I didn't realize was there. So again, the 68 challenge has given me the opportunity to meet and work with people, practitioners that have helped me to realize where I need to work or what I need to work on. She's helped me to work through a lot of the energy in my neck and in my throat. I think Emi might be, this isn't to give you an ego trip, put you on an ego trip, Emi, but I think that the work that Emi did, and I know she's just working with my energy, but the work that Emi did or facilitated has allowed me to actually sit here and talk to you today because I'm very much an introvert. So the fact that I'm even on camera is kind of amazing to me. So I can't speak to the Kundalini Awakening piece so much. I feel that in Emi's explanations on what she experienced, I do share some of the little bits that she has shared in some areas, not all at once, but just in little bits and pieces. So I don't know if that's happening for me. What a wonderful gift it would be if that were so, but I can't speak too much on that. So I think really that's probably all that I can think of that I wanna share right now. There may be something that comes up at some point, but really the community, the practitioners, the support that we have all had through this process has allowed us to feel comfortable enough in our pain and our grief to be able to actually look at it and focus on healing it. If you are in a place in your life where you are by yourself and you're depressed, you can't look at those things. You're too busy feeling sad or depressed or lonely and you're just focusing on that. But when you put yourself out there and you get into this group of people who are sharing what you're experiencing, they are experiencing what you're experiencing, they support you because they know what you're going through. And I think that that is a very, very, very great gift. And I think that we're all probably very thankful for that because without each other, like Bryce says, we're all walking each other home, but we're doing that in this group. And if we ever do this again, I'll be part of it too because I think it's amazing, our work's never done. Yes, I feel like I've worked through a lot of old issues. I've worked through a lot of childhood trauma and I love the Sophia Code. That was just the best gift that thank you, Bryce, for sharing that with us. I think that's helped me work through a lot of childhood trauma, Quan Yin, so. Oh yeah, she came as a surprise to me. I've said that many times, I knew the story of Quan Yin before we got to the Sophia Code, but that's the beautiful thing about God is God is always full of surprises. And that still to me, she's like the biggest set of all the key codes in the Sophia Code, she is like. Yeah, she rang, she just, she was just, and actually a few times during this shadow work period, I've actually read that chapter a few times and worked through that multiple times because it's just, I guess you think you've worked through it all, all that childhood trauma and then something else gets triggered and you have to go back and look at it again. And I keep going back and reading that key code and working through that again and again and again and every single time. It's just the tears that, it's just, but when I'm finished, I feel so peaceful. When it's done, I feel so peaceful and relaxed. And who knows if I'll have to go back again and review that key code again. I don't know, but I think that it's definitely been a blessing for me. So yeah, the whole challenge, this whole experience has just been amazing to me. And I know we're all just human, we're all equal, we're all the same. We all have different gifts, which is how God intended it because that's how we support each other as a community by sharing our gifts and working with each other and helping each other. And I think that's a really big lesson in the challenge too is finding people that you're comfortable with, finding people you can trust and sharing and growing together. So I think that's probably one. I will say to you guys, so the signal group, if you are, this is your first time you're hearing about this stuff, I will be more than happy. These templates, the 30 day template, the 60 day template, all that kind of stuff, it can be used whenever you want. I just send you the template. And there's dates on it of course, but you can change the dates around, you can shift it. And so if you, this is the first you're learning about this, just email me at shadowworkchallenge at gmail.com and I will send you the templates for you to have. The signal group is not going anywhere. And I couldn't ask, I agree with you Tracy, I couldn't ask for a better, there's almost 300 people in that group from all over the world. And as you were saying that, Tracy, I was just thinking about like, our shalas. The signal group is basically like a virtual shala. And a shala is a yoga school. Yoga places should not be called yoga studios, that's not correct, they're yoga schools or yoga shalas. And my shala in India, some of my best friends are people that I met in the shala from all over the world. And even though we come from different cultures, we speak different languages, human beings understand suffering because pain is real. As Guruji would say this pain, when David Grieg asked Guruji, is it necessary for this practice to be painful? And Guruji said, yes, because pain is real. And we can connect on that level. And so it doesn't matter what your socioeconomic background is. It doesn't matter whether you're a Democrat or a Republican. It doesn't matter what your gender is or your race or your sexual orientation. We all know what that pain feels like. When a sold person, an S-U-L-E-D, a sold person can see another human being and have that connection and that compassion. It's funny speaking of Kwan Yen. My friend, Cindy, who comes on the channel from time to time, who has sacred where I teach on Sundays, she's the person that introduced me to the Sophia code. And we were talking and she does workshops based around the key codes. And we were talking one day after class about Kwan Yen and I was right after I'd first finished that key code and I was like, God, Cindy, Kwan Yen like threw me for a loop. Like she was so, that key code was so powerful. And Cindy goes, I know, because Cindy, we were talking about how Kwan Yen, when you hear the story of Kwan Yen, you think about this very soft, very feminine, quiet, demure archetype, right? She's the mothering the children. She's the queen of compassion, all that kind of stuff. And so Cindy said herself that before she read her key code, she was kind of dreading Kwan Yen, like where is the fierceness? But when reading her key code, cause her life, the life that she lived as a human being was so horrific and just so painful. And Cindy was like, I realized that Kwan Yen is only able to have that softness and that compassion because she went through the fierceness and the savage and the rough side of humanity. That's what gave her the ability to be soft and be nothing but completely... I mean, I still get emotional in that part where you're that you bring yourself back to your child's day and she puts you in her lap. Like that still makes me hold you. That makes me emotional holds you in her lap. You know, that makes me emotional still to this day. But it's because she went through such that such a horrific life in her human form that she was able to then ascend. She had to descend into this horrific existence in order to ascend to work through that within herself as Kwan Yen, as a human being, as a woman in human form. She had to work through that to be able to become the ascended master that she is today that can come to you and it holds you and be that strength. And so I will, I mean, I'm actually, so we're doing Aquarius on Aquarius Rising after we're going through our solutions, with Aquarius Rising after we're going through the key codes. Again, and we're starting with Isis, which is the first one this Friday. And I'm kind of like, I told Shanti and Thea, I was like, when we get to Kwan Yen y'all, I don't know if we, here, I don't know if we want that to be a live show because we're gonna be a hot, a hot, a hot teary mess with mascara going everywhere. We get, I was like, I'm telling you, Kwan Yen's gonna be quite a roller coaster. So anyway, but that is just such the archetype of what shadow work is, right? In order to be, and I've said this before, look at your life, look at people in your life that you know that have just been through hell and back. And they're the people you trust. They're the people that show compassion that will help you, that they're not judging you. It's because they had to descend before they can ascend and not be identified by that ego anymore and see you as a soul, as a distressed soul. And so that Kwan Yen is the poster child of what shadow work really is and what the result of shadow work, the liberation of that shadow work gives you of going, yes, your body, you know, that's the funny thing. There's that book I have it. The body keeps the score, right? Which is a very hard book to read through because they go deep into a lot of traumas. Your mind is programmed to help you survive. And so it will block and it will lie to you and it will block things, but the body always remembers. And so when these things come up, when these pains come up, it's your body's way of saying, can we work on this? This is holding you back. We need to work through this bondage. And as my trauma therapist said, it's not even necessary to remember what caused the bondage. It's not necessary. If the brain is blocked and it's blocked it for a reason, all we do is we work on the bondage itself, the emotion itself. And so at this point, Cassandra, Lori, which let's go with Cassandra first and then we'll go to Lori next. So I want to hear your experience, Cassandra. Hi, Bryce. Thanks for having me. I did the 30 day challenge back in November too, but I gave up and I quit and I probably shouldn't have. But when I heard you were doing the 60 day challenge, I told myself, you know what? You quit last time. Let's see if you can power through this thing. And so, and I had told my husband that I was going to do a 60 day challenge through your channel on YouTube. And he's like, well, you gave up on the 30 day challenge. And then he looks at me and he's like, I'm not going to be negative about this. He's like, you can do it. And I said, okay. So I started doing it. And I went through it with the mentality of having a healthier lifestyle, like doing small changes and working up to the big ones. Well, through the middle of this, my husband's aunt passed away and she literally lived right down the street from us. And my boys were really close with her. My husband and I were really close with her. And she passed away February 12th. Her birthday was February 7th, which we were so glad she got to celebrate her 63rd birthday. And I look at it from, you know, when Emmy started doing the grief part of it after that. And then we started working through childhood trauma. I was like, well, this is a lot all at once. Because March 5th, I decided to quit smoking too. And so I'm going through like a deep dark night of the sun. Like I'm in my underworld. And it's not pretty at all. And then you're working through grief and you're doing certain, like for me, the hip-openers, those exercises really bring out a lot. And so doing that, it's been very emotional. It's been kind of an emotional roller coaster. But with my husband's aunt passing away, I decided to look at it from the beauty of what God shows us when it comes to someone we love so much passing away. Because there is a beauty there. And I don't have a bad last memory of her at all. In fact, my last memory of her was her calling me the night before she passed away, laughing at herself. Because she put, she tried to put her pants on and she grabbed a shirt and she put a light stick on her arm holes. And she was laughing. And it was so funny. And so she taught me a lot. She taught me that especially it's okay to laugh at yourself, laugh at yourself no matter what situation you're in. Because when you look back on it, 10, 20 years down the road, you could be laughing hysterically at yourself. And so that was the grief part of that. And then there's the grief part with quitting smoking. This past Sunday, I've been, well actually today, two weeks and two days done with the nicotine. And this has been a weird experience for me because I've quit smoking before, but I don't think I truly wanted it because it didn't last as long. And this is weird for me because it's lasting longer. And I think it's because before, like the day I quit smoking, I think my body, my mind and my soul were all in alignment with that decision before I even did it. Like my mind was made up at some point before I actually quit smoking. And then all of a sudden now, I have a craving here and there, something, my husband will say something that will just kick me off at the moment or something. Or my oldest son who's going through puberty. That's fun. That is really funny actually, but he'll say something because he's a lot like his dad. So he'll say something very sarcastic, like his father and it'll trigger that craving and need to have a cigarette. But I've been leaning more into the emotions that people around me, like if they're triggering that, like that little bit of stress or that little bit of frustration, like it's really making me lean into that and see it from the way Bryce talks about, like there's a mirror there. And so it's questioning it, oh, that's interesting. And it is interesting because now I'm seeing it from the perspective of, we're all truly just connected and we're all in this together, but we're kind of like on our own journey at the same time. And so yeah, it's just- I wanna point something out, I've spoken about this and first of all, congratul- Well, actually let me back up. You quitting halfway through the 30 day challenge is, that's necessary sometimes on people's paths. So if that happened to you in any of these challenges where you felt like you quit, don't beat yourself up because you have to experience the feeling of giving up in order to understand the alternative, right? It's like we have to know darkness so we can understand the light. So all of these things are necessary in your full-on journey. And I'm gonna make it very clear to people watching right now, the journey's never over. There's no finish, finish line is death, okay? So even though I've been doing this for 17 years, I'm still doing it. I'm still, things are still coming up for me. It's never ending and that's kind of the- And I love that the interesting thing, that's a Ram Dass thing and that really affected me greatly when I was in my first real big battle with my own ego, when I was really deep in my practice and I may have been through many battles now, but this was years ago and I was practicing and I would spend any free time I had just taking in the ancient texts and reading all these Ram Dass books and just his perspective on, okay, so I mean, I don't have a child, but if I had a teenager and they said something and it pissed me off, like your logic mind knows that they're teenagers, they're assholes anyway, right? Like, but the fact that I'm triggered by that means that it's, they're giving me the opportunity to see where I need healing because it's not really about them, is it? It's not really about the teenager. It's about something in you and they're just showing you that, they're mirroring that for you and even though that trigger is painful to be able to go, oh, interesting, that interesting, okay, now I've got to go examine this and I want to tell you something about the smoking as well, which congratulations, that's really hard to do, so you should be very proud of yourself, but people who eventually smoke, what is that exercise, not the smoke itself, but what is the exercise of sucking, what is that doing? It's calming the vagus nerve, so what is, so if you go to a hospital for people who are going through a lot of mental stress, I don't know what they're called nowadays, but you'll see a lot of them are chain smoking, it's because the body knows how to calm itself, how to calm the nerve, and so putting that together with you, now saying, oh, so when I feel like I want to reach for a cigarette because I've been triggered, that's your vagus nerve, that's your body saying, hey, the vagus nerve is triggered, the vagus, I want to do a huge story on the vagus nerve because that's one of the biggest nerves in the body and it's huge and that's why we move the throat a lot in yoga, like the back bend, the throat's opening and then closing because it's stretching out that nerve. So ding, ding, ding, ding, interesting, right? So you're recognizing the trigger then makes you the cause and effect, the karma of the trigger, it's called all karmas, it's cause and effect, makes you then want to go smoke, it's because the nerve, the vagus nerve is now triggered. And so now that you have that information, that brings another layer of your own healing. So you don't have to be mad at yourself for craving a cigarette, which is honor the fact that your body is telling you the vagus nerve is triggered, I'm triggered. Now the vagus nerve is triggered because of a mental, it all comes from mental. In my opinion, everything is psychosomatic. It all starts with thought, right? It all starts with an attachment, right? I could be around your teenager and your teenager could be a complete asshole to me and it probably wouldn't trigger me at all, right? But you as the mom, there's an investment and there's in our family is our karma, that's the biggest karma, karmic relationships we will ever have is our family, right? Cause no one, I've said it before, my favorite thing, especially with siblings, even when you're in your 30s and 40s grown, like my sister can totally have one of my kidneys, but she cannot touch my phone charger. I will never, you know, like that's the dichotomy of family and that's like sibling relationships. Like I'll totally give you a kidney. I'll give you my blood, whatever you need. I'll totally take your children if something were to happen to you and your husband, I would absolutely give my life to protect your children, my nieces and nephews, but you can't touch my phone charger, right? Like, you know, so that's the interesting relationship that that family provides you. So a lot of people have a lot of friction with their family. So if you're able to kind of step back and see the point of life is to be alive, right? Like Alan Watts says, that's the whole point of life. And so being, what does being alive mean? You know, I love it. I was reading, and I said it today for the Hathor material for next week, which I've already filmed. Like always look down, where are your feet? Your feet are grounded on the earth. So bring yourself back to this experience instead of what the brain tries to do is it tries to like disassociate and go into like fairy tale land instead of bringing yourself back into your body. That's the beautiful, that's why the body is so freaking beautiful, right? It's just the Shakti of the soul. It's not real, really. The body, it's just the experience of the soul. But it's the one tool that you have that's always gonna be honest with you. It's always gonna tell you the truth about what's going on with your, that's why, you know, the law of one states that our souls came down here. Yoga, we say the soul came here to know itself. But in the law of one, they say the soul came here to refine itself. So you picked, you picked, and how powerful is that? I mean, I know, I mean, I've talked about, I have moments where I can be the victim. We all have moments where we're like, oh, whoa, it's me, it's so bad. But we all, we picked all of this because our soul needs to be refining. And so we said, you know what, I'm gonna come to earth and I'm gonna experience this, this, this, and this in this illusionary world so that my soul can break, have some breakthroughs and I can refine some places of my soul. Right? Does that make sense? So Cassandra, I'll let you keep going girl, but I just wanted to point that out because that's, first of all, don't be mad at yourself if you ever quit something because that was just, now that's Dada. Now you have information. Okay, now that's how I feel when I don't do this, even though doing this is really hard, when I don't do this, this is the alternative. So now I have the dichotomy of darkness and light to be able to now understand intellectually that whole goes back to motivation and discipline, right? Why I need to keep the discipline of it, right? Does that make sense? So don't be mad at yourself if you ever done that because that was information that you needed, Dada you needed for you to have a deeper understanding. And second of all, I love that you're talking about the smoking thing because it does connect to the vagus nerve and congratulations for, you kind of figured, even though you might not have known that, but you kind of already figured that out because you were saying, oh, I was triggered for, I got triggered, I wanted to smoke a cigarette. That's the vagus nerve, right? So interesting. All right girl, take it away. Just a couple of things there. The quitting smoking thing, like I said, is interesting because I'm an ex cocaine addict. I did that for three years in my early twenties and people have asked me before how, how did you quit? And it's like, it's just something, it was triggered in me too. It was, you know, your body, your mind, your soul and knows when it's ready to stop doing something that's not good for you. Or if you need to change something that is healthy for you and go to something that is maybe a little more spiritually healing for you. Your body, your mind and your soul when they're all in alignment together, it's like something happens. There's like a chemistry thing happening in your body, I think. Cause they all, especially your body and your soul have to be in alignment, I think, when it comes to any decision in your life. And the other thing I wanted to mention before I go, I'm noticing with all this that I'm doing this shadow work and working on myself. Amy had mentioned when you guys did a video together how when he started doing her shadow work and stuff, it was affecting her husband too. It's affecting mine. My and my whole household. My household, when I work on myself, if I exercise, if I start, you know, wanting, doing like living healthier and doing healthier things and that's good for my mental health, my physical health, my spiritual health, my household is run so much smoother. My boys aren't trying to beat each other up every half hour or, you know, my husband isn't so crabby, you know, he's a lot calmer. And he, I've even noticed with him through this, he's thinking things more because we had a conversation a couple of nights ago, we were talking about faith and he doesn't understand how people can believe in something that they cannot see. And I told him, I just looked at him and I said, well, how do you know that chair is holding you up? You don't. And he's like, but what if I fall? I said, what if the earth catches you? And he just looked at me and he's like, I can't argue with that. And so yeah, I just wanted to share that with you guys. So. That's one of my favorite. I put that Marnie Alton quote because I love Marnie Alton who, and I love the bar because you can tell by her that she's done a lot of her own work. But, and she says that, like, you know, reach down and touch the earth. She'll always catch you when you fall. It makes me emotional too because, you know, and that is, and I honestly, I'm going to be honest with you, I think it's way harder to be an atheist. I think it requires way more faith to be an atheist than it does to be someone who believes in something beyond yourself. Because we look, I look around the world and of course I've seen spirits my whole life. So I definitely, I think Emmy has as well, like they're definitely, you know that there's something else going on. But I think people who believe in God, who believe in a higher consciousness and it's easier than for those who don't believe in anything, that takes more faith. And so, and that's one thing where I disagree with a lot of religious people. If someone's an atheist, that doesn't mean that they're actually not spiritual. It doesn't mean they're not going to ascend because I will tell you, they're atheists in this world that are way more compassionate, accountable, doing their own account, healing them, even if they're not healing themselves from a spiritual perspective, but from a, just purely to be a better person. They actually give a shit about other people and they have empathy. There are way more aligned atheists in this world than there are Christians with me, you know? So what someone believes in the manner in which they believe, in my opinion, doesn't even matter because that's just the illusion anyway, right? Whether you're an atheist or a Christian or a Muslim or a Hindu, that's just part of the label, right? We're just here all having our own experiences. And for your husband or for anyone who is an atheist, that's the friction that they need in order to catapult them into their own journey, right? And so, and so I wanted to make that very clear as well is that it doesn't, whatever your belief, whatever you label your belief system, I think most of us at the end of the day, and this is just my opinion, I think most people at the end of the day are really more agnostic anyway. They can label themselves as Christian or Hindu or whatever, but most of us are of that space where we know there's something greater than ourselves that we call God, but we're not really sure what that is because we can't know, we're in a human brain, right? We can't, it's like as, what's his name? Joe Rogan says it's like trying to explain an iPhone to an aunt, we're the aunt. You know, like, so I think a lot of us really just go and kind of maybe would fall more into the agnostic category where we just know there's something else. We know it, we have our belief systems around it, we can't prove it, but we just know. And so that's kind of more the agnostic. And so I think that, yeah, so I wanted to say that as well. I don't think anybody who is an atheist is going to fall into the pits of hell. No, I think that's, and that's where we respect people's own journeys and what they, it's like Ram Dass said as well, I love this. You know, Ram Dass was born Richard Alpert, Jewish man from New York. He was a Harvard professor. And even though he took on the spiritual name Ram Dass because his guru gave him that name, he would say so many times, you know, people, and I see this myself, people like white people from America will go to India like I've done and they will adapt and really become like Hindu. And I love the Hindu faith. In my opinion, the Hindu faith is the most accurate out of all the faiths. But I'm really careful whether I label myself that or not because if I was, as Ram Dass has said, if I was supposed to be born a Hindu in India, I would have been born a Hindu in India. So there's something about being a white woman from Georgia in a Judeo-Christian background that my soul picked for whatever friction it needed in this life, right? And so I think it's important that we do respect if your husband doesn't believe in anything and okay, it doesn't mean that he doesn't have a knowing, right? Like, you know, that's sometimes that's just so, so yeah, I wanna make that clear. But Lori, let's pass this over to you, girl. What was your experience? Well, I don't know how I wound up here, sweetheart, because I didn't know anything about that. I just found your channel recently and I've been binge watching you for so long. I can't hear you. Brace your muted, dear. I can't hear her. All right, I was muted. I said, Lori, hold on one second. You had lost your camera. Your camera went out, but now you're back and I was muted, so I was, so, okay, take it from here. Now let's try, take two. Okay, go on, Lori. I was saying, I'm sorry, I don't know how I wound up here other than I was calling out to all benevolence to meet all you beautiful ladies because I didn't know anything about the 30 or 60 day challenge. I just recently found your channel and I've been binge watching the Magdalen series because it reflects everything I've been going through in my whole life since I was ever born. Hold on one second. Oh, there you are. Did you guys, did her camera go out for you guys again? Did you guys see her camera go out? Yeah. Hey, Lori, why don't you try turning your camera off because it keeps saying that you have low bandwidth and when you start talking, your camera freezes. So maybe turn your camera off and then try talking that way. Okay, let me just see. Okay, well, it didn't turn me off. There, okay, let me turn it off. Yeah, it's the West Virginia Hills here. Okay. Can you hear me? Yes, we can hear you. So you've been binge watching the Magdalen series, I love it, isn't it? Yes, ma'am. And I have been calling out to all benevolence to help me to meet beautiful ladies like y'all because I have been walking on my journey by myself and from the very first day I was, my father was very, very abusive as I was growing up but I never took that internally. He was that way to my mom and to us and then I wound up getting into a relationship and having kids like you were talking about before not knowing anything about karma and things that we carry and I wound up getting beat by him. I've had my throat cut, I've had my teeth broke out, these are not mine. I've had so many things happen and I just keep walking forward and keep walking forward and hold on just a second, I'm sorry. And even right now I'm having a struggle. I have six children and they are all beautiful children but I have one daughter that's really having a hard time and she's attacking, she always has attacked me since she was born because she loves her dad and she's so mad at me because he cut my throat and we had to leave him and it's been really traumatic for her and so it's really easy for her. She's starting now but she's still, just like last night, she's calling me, she took a trip to Texas, back to Texas where we're from and she called me and is really, I had decided that I'm gonna have to just cut my emotional cords and stop trying to save, stop trying to save, stop trying to save and it seems like whenever I decide to do something different the shit show really, the ringmaster comes in and says, okay, you're gonna do this, ding, ding, ding, ding, let's go and see and then I call out to all the nevelets and last, this past summer, I went to New Mexico on a whim with Spirit and met a medicine man and spent the summer going through ceremonies and then I came back home and I've been trying to work and do all the stuff because I got my massage therapy license and what she was talking about, about the electricity, I'm real good at working with excitonal lines in the body, I don't know why but I've always, I was a nurse a long time ago and I've been an EMT and a 911 operator and I've just jumped from thing to thing because I've never been where I'm supposed to be, I guess or I needed all those experiences, never mind, I'm not gonna say I've never been where I'm supposed to be, I think I needed all those experiences to be able to work through a lot of trauma and see the world because I've never been there, I've never, I'm really healthy, I don't have any body pain or nothing like that and I'm 57 years old and I weren't like a dog my whole life and but I've never had anybody to share with that I could really be honest and open with and I've been calling out to all the nevelets and asking and asking and asking and then I got your email invitation, I didn't realize there was a prerequisite, I'm so sorry. That's okay, you're here, you're here, where you're supposed to be. I haven't done it. That's okay, and while I was gonna tell you, I will send you, Lori, I'll send you the template and so, but it sounds, because it sounds like you're on your journey and I was gonna say so with, first of all, that's horrible to be stuck in an abusive relationship. I think a lot of us here, I know Emmy and I have been in that situation before, but what we call those crisis events is catalyst moments and so what I would say to you, probably the first thing you need to do and this is gonna be real hard to do, the chatter works hard, where are you attacking yourself? Because you're, we attract what we do to ourselves. So I'll give you an example, Lori, I was in a abusive relationship, I grew up with not the greatest of loving families and I ended up dating very bad men for most of my 20s into my early 30s and through every relationship, I was always the common denominator with these narcissists, the empath and the narcissist, right? That's how it was trained as a child, was what love looks like abuse is basically how it was trained as a child and so I adapted that behavior and I was engaged to a man in my early 30s and I almost lost my life one night, I was strangled and the only reason why I'm sitting here talking to you today is because the dog shadowed over the floor and it scared my fiance so he dropped me. I mean, I literally, it was very peaceful experience to be honest with you guys, it was very near death and I picked the phone up and called 911 and that actually pushed me into trauma therapy so I don't regret that ever happening because that was the catalyst and I was already practicing yoga at that time obviously but that severity is what I needed to be whacked over the head by this so I'm actually very grateful to my ex, there is a permanent restraining order, a judge, actually I was in India once and I got an email where a judge had granted me without even requesting a permanent restraining order from this man and even request it and but I'm grateful for that experience because it helped me heal myself and through trauma therapy and through my own practice and my own shadow work I noticed I had healed because then I started attracting healthy men, right? That's how I knew I had healed something because we attract and that's the macro and the micro so all of the darkness we see in the world with the controllers, with everything going on is literally a reflection of our own wounds. I'm not saying nope, we're not out there doing terrible things to children or anything like that but our own wounds are what allowing this to continue and that's what I use it as an example because the minute I had healed that through my own work through my own therapy, my own yoga all the sudden narcissistic men I was not attracting them anymore because the lesson was learned. I was attracting healthy men at that point, right? And so I would say for you like instead of getting caught up in the cycle of like it is horrible, trust me like I'm not taking that away it's awful to be in that position but now here's the plot twist this is where you're powerful this is where you have a choice to make. Now you can sit down I would take a pen and a paper and I would say where am I abusing myself and what aspects of my life am I doing this to myself in order to attract people who then do this to me? Right now when it comes to your daughter I mean I know that's really hard. That's where that is. That's where it is because my daughter whenever I had been in several relationships that were bad and whenever like after her dad cut my throat I left, we left. Well we had already left because he broke my nose he'd need me in the face and I left him and he showed up at my apartment and tore up my car and cut my throat and then he took her and they took off and then three days later somebody called me and said that he left her at a crack house that I needed to go get her or they were gonna get her and meet me. So I got her and then I went on to another relationship and he was abusive and he was choking me one night and I just gave up I was like okay if this is the way it's gonna be then it's just gonna be this way and I'm done. And she wound up grabbing him getting him around the throat with her arm and falling backwards and getting him off of me. And then I jumped up and he hit me and broke my collarbone. And then so I went to the hospital and then we were I left him. I don't understand anyway let me go ahead. And so now I don't have an abusive man in my life but my daughter I can't cut her loose but she is carrying that on with me because I've always wanted to love, love, love somebody to help and I know I've been able to cut them off but I don't know what to do with my relationship with her. Well that's- Because ever since I've no longer. So 100% Lori. Do it with me, it's her. Your daughter so that's your new that's part of your work as well. And I would suggest healing through an abusive relationship doesn't just mean putting up boundaries that's the first step to protect yourself but you have to really go in deep inside yourself and figure out what wound, what is not healed within your psyche. So I'm not talking about just I'm talking about what wound is there. So that's the first step with your daughter and I know this is gonna be hard and I'm gonna let Amy and Tracy and maybe Cassandra speak on this because they have children but and this is where it becomes possibly as Dave agreed a bit of an unsolvable real because you can't your daughter's karma is her karma. We all have our own karma to work through. You cannot change your daughter. Your daughter has to help herself. The only thing you can be for your daughter is a support system. That's it. But if your daughter is abusing you then part of that support system is putting up a boundary but because she's you can't even as her mother you can't take responsibility for her actions. She has her own soul contract. She has her own plan. Her soul came to this earth just as yours did to refine itself. And so it picked. You guys obviously have a karmic relationship obviously but so there's an agreement your souls made with each other to be that friction for each other but you have to relinquish responsibility for her especially since she's 30. She's gonna have to do my parents didn't heal me. My teachers didn't heal me. I'm still on the healing process. We're all still in the healing process. You can take a horse to water but you can't make the horse drink. So you can't take responsibility and you can't be a martyr either. Being a martyr is part of this satanic path. Mardering yourself. You have to preserve your energy as well. And so I'm gonna let Emmy and Tracy and Cassandra speak on this as well cause they have children too. So Emmy I know you unmuted yourself. I'll let you go first. Okay. So now Lori I don't know you personally and I don't know your whole story but just with the little bit that you've shared right now it sounds like you may have some attachment issues and the one that comes to mind most prevalently is called trauma bonding. If you grew up in an abusive situation your nervous system, your physiology your biological physiology in your body your nervous system is wired for trauma. And you can attract relationships that provide that trauma through romantic partners, friends, coworkers, your children, other family members. And education and awareness is the very first step. So if you are unaware of what trauma bonding is or the workings of it I highly recommend educating yourself and then taking the steps to heal yourself and it takes a very long time to rewire your nervous system. And for me what I noticed is that once I cleaned up my relationships ego started doing it to myself and I just recently through this shadow work period realized what ego was doing. And it's because my body is wired in a certain way physiologically that sets up these cycles, these patterns. And in order to change these cycles you have to interrupt the pattern sooner and sooner and sooner. Awareness is the first step in interrupting that cycle, that pattern. So and each realization helped my growth. This healing from trauma bonding has taken years. Years, you can't just change your physicality overnight. You can't just change your physicality or your physiology by journaling a few times for a couple of months. This takes repeated practice, repeated work, repeated awareness. But yeah, that's what I would suggest because you'll attract these traumatic relationships from everywhere, you know? If you've put it down with your romantic relationships awesome, but it's coming to you in other ways. And that's just part of your healing path. Yeah, absolutely. I love you talked about the patterning. So Lori, you have a pattern that's mostly subconscious that needs to be interrupted and needs to be changed. Now, this is the book, The Body Keeps the Score. I went and grabbed it when Emmy was talking about trauma bonding. Trauma bonding is huge. It's a huge topic in any type of therapeutic help and that seems to be. So I would suggest getting this book as well. The Body Keeps the Score. I'll put a link down in the description box for the people watching. And it goes through the actual physiological responses that happens in the body through trauma, which is another reason why exercise is super important because exercise is literally gonna meet the soul in the mind where it needs to be met in order to start changing. Cause these patterns of thought have now created patterns within your physical body as well through the values. And that's what the exercise is gonna do, the yoga, the bar, all that kind of stuff. You can find all this stuff for free on YouTube. And so you can do it at home and start to sweat, really get the sweat going to get the body to start to. Eventually it's like Guruji used to get very excited. I've talked about this before the yoga fevers. When you're practicing yoga, hard core exercising, sometimes you'll get a low grade fever. And it's because the body is actually taking that fire, that tapas, the Agni and burning up old patterns and literally physically with the fever, even the raw material talks about how viruses are necessary for ascension because they kill old patterns. It's interesting, they wanna zap or de-doodle all the viruses away, right? Because that's what's actually gonna be the catalyst for the body to create new patterns. And it starts with the mind though, cause the body's just responding to the mind. So I would definitely suggest getting this book if you wanna understand it deeper, the body keeps the score. The audience watching as well, this is a heavy, heavy book. It's not for the faint of heart. He's gonna, he sell it to you straight. So about what's going on between the mind-body connection. So I don't know, Tracy, Cassandra, do you guys have any advice for Lori? I do, actually. I agree with Emmy on being aware, being aware is number one. Cause I went through something with my husband's sister and I had to break all ties. It was that bad. I cannot be around her. I can love her from a distance, which I accepted that right away. It was easy. There's certain people that even in my own personal family, like immediate family that are highly toxic to me. And I am struggling. That's what I've been struggling with through this 60 day challenge is breaking those ties. Because that's not healthy for you mentally, emotionally and spiritually at all. It can show up in illness and stuff, just like Bryce and Emmy have said. And so even realizing that there's a mirror there, I had to do that with her and figure out, okay, what is mirroring back at me in this situation? And it's not a bad thing. It actually helps you see that you are the catalyst of you. Nobody else can cause something to happen with you. Like when I grew up, my stepmom would always tell me, no one is responsible for your happiness, but you. No one can make you feel anything or do anything but you. And she helped me relearn. And basically it like re, not only just reeducated me, but it like redid everything in me, like the way she handled, the way she would describe stuff like that. And it really helped. And don't ever be ashamed of reaching out and asking help even through therapy. I have been to therapy a lot since my boys were born because you know what? Your children can trigger childhood memories that were really repressed, that you kept down, that you were avoiding or ignoring. And then they're a toddler and they're figuring out how to unlock the door and running away. And you're like, oh, okay. Why was I running away when I was a kid, you know? So it helped. I put myself through therapy. Let's pause on that. So Cassandra, you, I mean, ding, ding, ding. It's like the whack-a-mole hitting it right on the head. So Lori, with your daughter's situation, even though your daughter's 30, so your family is your karmic ties. So what about your daughter is mirroring you? That's what Cassandra is saying, that so that you're feeling so, so many emotions towards your daughter. Yes, it's your child, but it's because it's triggering something in you that needs to, your daughter's doing you a favor right now. She's showing you. So like Cassandra's right, when that two-year-old is trying to run away, even though it's stressful as hell as a parent, that two-year-old's showing you something. And you did that for your parents as well, whether they accepted the lesson or not. So Cassandra's totally right about that. So yeah, I hope that makes sense, but go on guys, take over, whoever's got advice. I don't want to interrupt Cassandra, she's still speaking, but I do want to contribute to you. Lori, you wanted to say something first? I wanted to ask a question. It's like because of the way I was raised in the life that I lived in, I wanted to really protect and love my children. And so I don't know how that I'm not responsible for what she's doing now from the childhood that I mean, she never got me. She wasn't, no, I never allowed anybody to touch my children, you know, but she did live through seeing trauma with me and she had a trauma of, cause she was her dad, even whenever her and my, me and her dad first separated, when she was like three years old, she would scream at me that she hated me, that she loved her dad and that her dad hated me and it wasn't her that he didn't love, it was me that he didn't love and it was me that was the reason she couldn't be with him. And I just feel responsible. I think every child has told their parents they hate them. So I don't think that is, that is, that is just, that's not just you, that's every child because, but you have to also remember- If we do it continually, and she would have night terrors and I would wake her up and I would try to wake her up and she would be trying to head back me and screaming, I want my mama, I want my mama, I said I'm here, I'm right here, what do you- So you, but you can't, so you did the best, first of all, Lori, you did the very best you could under the circumstances that you were given, all right? And so you have to understand that second of all, this life that we're living is, it's called earth school for a reason. So your daughter decided to take on that karma as a soul. You did the, that does not give parents the excuse to like beat their kids, obviously, but that, but you didn't, you did the best you could under the circumstances, under what you knew at the time to protect her. Now, everything beyond that is on her. She has to use that catalyst. You have to relinquish that responsibility. I don't have a relationship with my father, and that's my choice. And even though I know my father, I decided to put that boundary up through trauma therapy. That's where my issue started was with my father. So when I went through trauma therapy, because of the men I was dating, we didn't even talk about the men. We went all the way back to my childhood. And right now, even though I don't have a, I have a great step dad, but I don't have my dad, I am so grateful for the lessons that he provided me. As somebody, I could be very bitter. I could live my life being very bitter about my father, my situation with my father, but I'm not because I agreed I had a karmic contract with him. He provided me with the DNA I needed. And he also provided me with the karmic lessons I needed to liberate myself from the bondage that had been created. Probably not, it was probably bondage that went beyond this life, but he was the catalyst that eventually put me in that position to be able to move through my own healing. And Tracy, I'm gonna pass it off to you. I've got to step away for one second. I must pass it off to you, Tracy. Okay. So Lori, so I have two daughters, my youngest daughter's 30, and I've experienced situations with both of the children. And yes, I've had my shared issues in earlier in my life. So my children have their own sense of who they are. And it has taken me a long time to realize that everything that has happened in their life and every reaction that I've had to what's happened to them in their life has been exactly what Bray says. It's all our karmic lessons. It's all what we agreed to when we came here. And it's not easy because we love our children. My oldest daughter, at one point, she didn't talk to me for over a year. I had to let that be and let that sit and let that work out the way it was supposed to. I had to let her experience for herself what she needed no matter what pain she experienced while I watched her and was there to support her and didn't allow her to get physically harmed in any way as much as I could. I had to let her learn that lesson. And same thing with my younger daughter. My younger daughter's 30. She's almost 31 now, wow. Same thing with her. She's had her own life challenges. And right out of high school, she had her own path to walk, her own lessons to learn. Again, I was there for her. I supported her where I could, but I had to step back and let her do what she needed to do to learn her lessons, experience what she needed to experience so she could move forward. And she, the younger one has taken longer to learn that lesson and is actually still working through some of those things. I'm really proud of her because she's moving in the right direction, but she's taking a longer time to do what she needs to do. We can only be there to support them. And sometimes we have to do that from a distance. We have to take our hands, put them in our lap. No, no, no hugging, no. We have to let them experience their lessons, their trauma, whatever it is that they're here to experience. It's very painful. It's been painful for me with both of my girls at each at their own time, but we have to let them do that. And I feel for you, I feel for the pain that you have that you want to love your daughter and hold her and give her the life that she didn't have by giving her that affection and that, but that's not what she needs. She needs something else. And it may not be what I did. She may need something completely different, but what she needs is her space to learn her lessons. And sometimes we just have to step back and allow it even. Even if it's not easy, it's very painful. I can tell you, I've done it twice and they're both beautiful, healthy, intelligent women that they are just in this new world, they're gonna go places, but it's taken them a while to get to where they need to be. And they're still working just like we are, they're still working on it, but your daughter's not going to get to that place if you keep pushing and trying to force her to love you or force her to see that you love her. She's not ready for that. I'm trying to rescue her. Yeah, you can't rescue her. There is no rescuing her. She's an adult now, unfortunately. I say unfortunately, but that's how we learn our lessons. We have to be set free. We can't be caged in to do what someone wants us to do and go where they want us to go so that they can be happy the way you think they should be happy. They have to be happy in their own right. They have to live the life they were meant to live in their own right. We can't, as parents, we can't force them to be who they aren't. They came into this world with their contract already in place knowing who they were going to be in the end and by our forcing our beliefs or our desires on them, we're taking that from them. So the best thing that we can do as hard as it is, as it is, is to step back and try to give them that space to do what they're gonna make mistakes. They have to make them. We all made them. That's how we all learned. That's how we all grew. And now it's our children's turn to do that. And we just do that with love. We just let them go, know that we love them and we're here to support them but we can't control them. We have to give them their own space. I will say, I think the Hathor material that I released on Tuesday, the day after this airs, there's a place where they say, and I'm gonna say this to you, this is your mantra, Lori. Do not take away someone's right to suffer. Suffering is where, so your daughter's suffering is her catalyst. If you take away her right to suffer, she will never have a catalyst moment. There will never be a moment for her to make the decision to start going inward and start healing herself and she has to be the one to make that decision. And so I hope that's liberating for people because we have been conditioned and we have been trained by the matrix to be self-sacrificing and to always put others to the detriment of ourselves before us and to always rescue people. Tracy's right. There's literally no, the only way you can rescue someone is if you catch them from a burning building. You can't rescue their soul, right? You can't do that. They have to do that. That's what the word savior originally meant is one that does not have to reincarnate, one that's learned all the lessons. So you have to allow her the right to suffer. And when she's in that moment of suffering, she is gonna project. That's what we do as humans. We lash out, especially if we don't know why we're doing it. But you can't interrupt that. You just, now you can protect yourself and absolutely step back and let her have her temper tantrums, let her try to blame you, let her blame shift. That's part, I'm sure for all of us sitting here, I mean, we all went through that. I've been through that where I wanna blame everybody for my problems. And it lasts for a while before you realize different people keep coming in your life the same problems keep existing. You must be the common denominator, right? And so she needs that. She needs the space as Tracy so eloquently said she needs. And this is true for everyone, child or not. They need the space, they need the right and they need that privilege of suffering. Suffering is real. And that's what if her life, Lori, if you had provided her with a life where there was no friction whatsoever, then your daughter would have had no chance of ever spiritually awakening. It's the suffering, it's the friction that makes us have to pay attention. So right now, even though your daughter might be in a temper tantrum, might be having the pain of her life, that's what's necessary for her. It's what's necessary for all of us. We've all, you've been there Lori, Emmy's been there, Tracy's been there, Cassandra's been there. Everybody watching has been in that place of pure hell where the pain was so intense, all you wanted to do was end it, right? But it, without that, without that, there would be no dichotomy of the light. And I hope that makes sense. And I know that's so hard. I know it's so hard. I know I'm not a parent myself, but I am an aunt. And I know I would do anything for my nephew. I would give my life for my nephew and nieces. But I do know that at some point they're gonna go through things in their life and their parents are not gonna be able to help them with. I'm not gonna, all I can do as a professional, as a yoga authorized teacher, all I can do, same with Emmy, with her Reiki, all we can do is provide, like as Tracy said, Emmy uses your own energy when she's healing you. It's not, I can just provide you with a template. Like that's all I can do with any of my students is just show them the formula. They're the ones that have to do it. And that's the same with your daughter. And it might be that she, if, you know, there couldn't be a trauma bonding with you and your daughter too, where you've gotten to this samskara karmic pattern where she gets mad, throws a temper tantrum, you swoop in, try to make it better than she has you under her control. And so she gets something from that. And then it's like a samskara is like, it's like when the record skips, right? We used to have records like scratch, yes, scratch. It just keeps repeating itself over and over and over again. And eventually that scratch gets real deep to the point where it then hops to the next life as well. And it could be that you two have been doing that. Because she wound up in jail already. She's an alcoholic and so many things that I, she has gone off. I let her go off on her own, but she calls me whenever she falls so far. And I'm so, never mind. I'm really afraid to just say, okay, whatever, just. I know. I love you. So I think we picked up on the pattern there then, right? So there's a pattern that's happened. You're caught in a samskara karmic pattern. So the only thing that's gonna change that pattern is if you change the pattern. And I know that's really, really hard. I know that. And I have dealt with through yoga. I have dealt with people who have come out of alcoholism, addictions, all that kind of stuff. And we have definitely lost people that fell back into their old patterns. But that's not your responsibility. You need to relinquish that responsibility, right? The alcoholism, that kind of stuff. Yeah, it could be inherited karma. She could have had a propensity for that through her genetics. But guess what? She picked those genetics for her soul. But remember the body, her life, that's the shakti of her soul. That's the experience that her soul picked for this life. So you've got it, you've got it. If she's not willing to break that pattern, then you have to break the pattern. You have to. There's no other way for her to ever change or you're gonna be stuck in this repetitive loop through lifetimes. Yeah, can I recommend another book? Yeah, of course. Yes. Codependent No More by Melody Beatty. Codependency is another form of attachment. And it's also very prevalent along with trauma bonding in abusive addiction relationships. It sounds like you have a lot of codependency with your daughter with the rescuing. That is one of the biggest characteristics of codependency is rescuing. And so there is a sickness there, not only with your daughter, but also with yourself. And the two of you together are keeping that going. So like what Bryce was saying, interrupting the pattern, the very first thing is awareness. So you're aware of it now. Start educating yourself. Get the body keeps the score book. Get the codependency No More book. Read those. Do the exercises. Educate yourself. Learn what boundaries are. Learn how to set a boundary. Along with setting boundaries, you also have to choose appropriate consequences if the boundaries are across and then enforce those boundaries. This is all of a very long process. It's not gonna happen overnight, but it can happen and it will. So long as you keep putting one step in front of the other, baby steps, baby steps, baby steps. And like Bryce was saying, we as parents, we have neither the right nor the ability to take away our children's pain. It's theirs. It's their pain. It's theirs to learn and grow from. It's theirs to sit and stew in, but it's theirs and it's their choice. And there's nothing we can do to heal them. They have to do it theirself. The best thing you can do for your daughter is to heal yourself. That's the best thing you can do for her. In fact, that is the only thing you can do for her is to heal yourself. I know Cassandra, you wanted to add something to that, so go ahead, girl. Thank you. I just wanted to share an experience I had with my husband. My husband has been fighting alcoholism since we've been together. And we just celebrated 14 years together on the 17th. And since I have started this 60-day challenge and I quit smoking, guess what? Guess who's not drinking so much anymore? Guess who is not buying as much alcohol? He still drinks, he'll have a drink occasionally, but he's not drinking to get drunk is the whole point. But my experience with him was we went to therapy. We separated for seven, eight months because it was so bad. And the first time we had separated, it was for five months. And I was focused on what he was doing. Why isn't he fixing himself? Why isn't he doing this? Why isn't he doing that? And when we separated the second time and I put myself in therapy, I went into it focused on me. Okay, what am I doing in this situation that could possibly be contributing or causing him to drink so much? And when I went at it from that mentality, I was able to start healing myself because the focus was no longer on him and what he was doing, the focus was on me. So I was able to focus on our kids to be a better mom. And even though we agreed not to end our marriage or our relationship, but to take the time to work on ourselves, we were able to come back together in such a beautiful way to where now we communicate more. He is opening up to me a lot more, but also Lori, it didn't happen overnight. It takes time. It takes time. And that's where, you know, impatience and our, you know, our human part of ourselves, we get impatient because we want it to happen now. We wanna see like that end goal right now. But if you can look at it from a perspective of going through a journey that could be so beautiful and learning things about yourself that you never knew, it could greatly, greatly help you a lot. I just wanted to share that real quick. I agree with you on that. And I think you hit the nail on the head, Cassie, like, Lori, you didn't, this is not just something that happened to you in your life. This is why you came to earth. This is your work. We came to earth to work. So this isn't just something annoying and bad that's happened in the path of your life. This is why you came here, was to experience this friction so that your soul could refine itself. And it's true. All you can do is work on your own self. And everyone's right in saying that. It's like a Catherine Edwards always compares the tuning fork. So if you have one tuning fork that's vibrating way up here and one that's vibrating down here, the higher vibrating tuning fork, it's gonna start to pull the lower one up to meet it, right? All you can do, and don't do it, don't heal yourself just to be an example to your daughter. Heal yourself because you generally are healing yourself. It's like the Bhagavad Gita. Don't even focus on the fruits of your labor. Just focus on the labor. So anyway, ladies, I know we're coming up at almost two hours. This has been a very, very great- Thank you so much, everybody. Of course, it's been a very powerful video. Lori, if you will send me an email after this is over, after we get off, then I will send you the template for the 60-day challenge and the 30-day challenge so that you can start working on your own. Everything in that challenge is free. It's just links to different exercises on YouTube. It's journal prompts, all that kind of stuff. So it costs no money to do it. I will send it to you. I will be putting the links to the books that we've suggested into the description box below. Also, I will be putting everybody else's links in the description box below. And Lori, you've got this. This is your power move, Lori. You came to Earth for this reason. That's the plot twist. That's the good plot twist. You can do it. All right? Thank you so much, all you ladies. Of course, we're all just, as Rob Doss says, as Tracy brought up, what are we doing? Should we all say it together as one big mantra? We're all just walking each other home. We're all just walking each other home, right? That's all we're doing. We're walking each skit knees and all. We're walking each other home. And so today, Lori, today is the first day of the rest of your life, right? This is the youngest you've ever, this is the youngest, you'll be today and also the wisest you've been today. So you start today, start the day. You've got a whole bunch of people. Join the signal support group, girl. I'll put the link in the description box. Join that signal support group. There's so many people in there that can help you. You've got this, but you've got to take care of Lori. That's your responsibility is Lori. So I know Emmy's got to hop off because she's got a class. So I'm going to go ahead and end this, you guys. Love you all. We'll all talk to you soon. Bye everybody. Bye.