 There's probably nothing more painful or more hurtful than when someone cheats in a relationship. And so how do you know if the guy that you're with is somebody that could cheat on you or might cheat on you or definitely will cheat on you? And how do you know that there's a really high probability or almost completely no chance that he's actually going to ever cheat on you? How can you tell? Well, I'm going to give you five signs today that will give you a good indication that your guy will never, ever cheat on you. Hello, my name's Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. Today, we're going to be talking about these five signs that he will never cheat. And so instead of looking for signs that he will cheat because if you go digging and you're looking for things, a lot of times you'll end up finding them. Instead, what you want to look for is what are the signs that he's going to remain faithful? And so these are the five signs that I'm going to be telling you about. Number one, sign number one, is that he is super, super honest with you. And so he tells you everything and he might even confess things that you're kind of like, why would he tell me? Why would he tell me something like that, right? It's something maybe you don't even want to know. But what he's really doing when a guy does this is he's conveying to you how trustworthy he is, how loyal he is, how much he really likes you, how much he wants to be connected to you, how much he wants to be vulnerable with you and just share everything and get to a space where you guys can really trust and respect and love each other. And that's one of the ways that a guy will do that is just by being super honest about everything. Sometimes people lie about stuff, right? And I don't know if I've ever met anybody out there who hasn't lied about something here or there, even if it's a little lie or something that sometimes people don't believe or lies. But if he's generally speaking, especially about really important things, he's being really open and upfront and honest with you, then that's a really good sign that he's gonna be loyal and that he's gonna be connected and that he wants to have a really strong, powerful relationship with you. If you're here with us right now, say hi in the chat and tell us where in the world you're watching this from. It's cool seeing women from all over the world watching these live streams. So number two is that he's just way too busy to have an affair. And so, believe it or not, so for women it's really easy to hook up with somebody if they want to, right? If you're a woman, you can literally just go through a list of guys on your phone and send messages to them and be like, hey, you wanna hook up? And one of them's gonna say yes, right? With guys, most guys, with most of the overwhelming majority of guys, that is not the case, right? Most guys, it takes a lot of energy and a lot of effort and a lot of time and sometimes money and doing things and attention and all kinds of stuff in order to actually hook up with a woman. And for most men, it's not worth it. We get a lot of women sometimes in our community that'll be like, oh, men are cheaters, men are liars, men are players. All men, I meet are players, right? Well, most men out there can't be a player and most men out there don't have the skills to be a player and they're not able to be a player. They're good enough looking to be a player. And so, most guys out there aren't running around hooking up with lots of women. The overwhelming majority of men are not running around hooking up with women. And for most men, the overwhelming majority of men, it's really difficult to actually, at least it's somewhat difficult to actually get into a physically intimate situation with a woman that they wanna be physically intimate with. It takes time, it takes effort, it takes like connecting with her and communicating her in all the right ways. And if a guy's really busy, he just, he doesn't have time for that, right? And he doesn't want to do that. It's not something that's a priority to him. It seems like a giant pain in the butt, which is why a lot of guys prefer being in relationships to the whole hookup culture and all that because most guys aren't the ones that are experiencing the hookup culture right now. And so, so you have to remember that, right? And if a guy's really, really busy, he's probably not running around, assuming that he doesn't have the other things, right? He's never been a player in his past and all that kind of stuff, which we're gonna be talking about here. Also at the bottom, the end of this, we're gonna be talking about the number one reason why guys do actually cheat and how to avoid that or stop that or not have that problem, right? You might have other problems going on in your relationship, but it won't be that one. And so, number three, number three is that he has never cheated before or he hasn't in most of his recent relationships. And so, what are we talking about here? We're talking about patterns. And if you've been following my work at all, you'll hear me talk a lot about these patterns because we all live in patterns. We're all in patterns right now. Many of us don't realize that we're in patterns right now, but we're all living in patterns and guys live in patterns as well. And so, if a guy cheats in his past, he's far more likely to cheat in his future. And so, you wanna find out, you wanna talk to him and find out what his patterns are. Like, is he the type of guy who's living in these patterns of cheating and is it something that he's done in the past? Has he done it to other people before? And the best way to find out this information is just to ask questions. And so, you just wanna ask simple questions, things like, do you think it's ever okay for someone to cheat on their partner? Just ask them that question. Just be like, hey, I was thinking about this. You can bring it up in a conversation or maybe you're talking about somebody else or maybe you saw a TV show where you're like, yeah, I was watching this TV show and these people were cheating and it was like this big thing, but I'm not sure if it's really as common as they try to portray it on the TV. What do you think? Do you think it's common for people to cheat and he'll say whatever he says and then you say, do you think it's ever okay in any situation? Do you ever think there's a situation where it's okay for someone to cheat on their partner and he'll say whatever he has to say? And then lastly, what you wanna say is, have you ever cheated on someone before? Have you ever cheated on someone before? No judgment, just tell them no judgment here. We all get into weird situations, but have you ever cheated on someone before? And just watch his reactions and see what he says and how he says it and how he communicates it to you because that will indicate a lot about what's going on with him and how he feels about it and is it okay to him? Is it not okay to him? Is he scared to tell you that it's okay and all that kind of stuff, right? And basically what you wanna do is just see where he is with that and how he feels about that. And you'll learn a lot about what's going on with him. And the reason that I actually mentioned that he hasn't in most recent relationships is because sometimes people cheat when they're younger, and they're more immature and they're kind of in this space where they're like a lot of guys, a lot of women get really angry at men, a lot of guys get really angry at women when they're younger because they get cheated on, right? Like my first relationship that I ever had, I was cheated on by my girlfriend. And so I was angry after that and a lot of guys experienced similar things like that. And so if a guy had something like that in his past, he might be angry at women or something like that and he's trying to like get back at them or whatever. And so he might cheat on them not because he wants to cheat or he thinks it's okay or he thinks it's a good thing to do, but because he's doing it out of revenge. And if he grows out of that, right? And matures and becomes a stronger, more capable man, then a lot of times men will kind of give up on stuff like that because they're like, you know, I don't really care about that. I've regained my appreciation and love for women and I wanna be connected to women again. And, you know, that's not really a morally healthy thing to do and all that kind of stuff. So if a guy's cheated like a long time ago but he hasn't cheated in any of his recent relationships, then he's probably not gonna cheat again just because he's changed his mindset and he's become more mature and he's looking at life in a different way and in a more mature way. And so you wanna find out that kind of stuff. And there are some people that, some dating coaches out there that talk about not asking guys about their previous relationships, never talking about their previous relationships, which is a good idea if you have a lot of pain from your previous relationships, you may not wanna just spew that all out onto a guy, right? But what you do want is to look for patterns because those patterns of how his previous relationships went will tell you a lot about what your relationship is going to be like and what kind of challenges you might end up facing and whether those are challenges that you can overcome or not. And so if you get what I'm talking about here, say I get it in the chat. If you don't get what I'm talking about, go ahead and ask whatever question or anything that you wanna ask me, go ahead and ask it in the chat and I'll get to it here at the very end. So number four, number four is that he doesn't have friends or family who cheat. And so one of the most important things that you can learn about people in general is that we pick up things from our environment. And so if he comes from a culture of cheating, right? So for instance, there are a lot of like Latin American cultures where men cheating in those cultures is a normal and natural thing for a lot of guys to do. I had some friends from Mexico when I was going to college and some of those guys were like, they're like, yeah, you know, but every guy does that, right? The guys cheat until they find the right girl and you're like, eh, that's eh, you know, like, I heard that a few times from some of my Mexican friends and I was just like, that's, that just doesn't sound okay or healthy or morally strong or like, you've got a good character as a human being but that's the culture they came from and that's what's normal to them. And so you have to remember that everybody's got something that's normal to them. And so you wanna look at what is the culture he comes from? What are his friends like? And if you look at his friends, right? If he hangs out with a bunch of friends who are cheating on their, you know, girlfriends or spouses or whatever, right? You wanna find out that kind of information and just ask them about, you know, the relationships they have with each other and are they okay? And, you know, what's going on with them? And, you know, are they single? Are they in relationships? Cause it'll tell you so much about his future and what he kind of expects for himself and what's normal to him and normal and natural behavior. If you hang out with a guy and none of his friends are married or in relationships, the likelihood that he's gonna end up married or in a relationship is really, really low. And if all of his friends are running around cheating, the likelihood that he's gonna be okay with cheating is gonna be really, really high. But if they don't, then the likelihood is really, really low because there's so much influence from our culture and the people around us and we don't even realize how much influence is there. And so you just wanna kind of pick up on those things and find out what's going on with that in terms of hip. Number five is he respects you too much to lie, right? He values you, he respects you, he thinks way too highly of you in order to lie to you or sneak behind your back or any of that kind of stuff. And I wouldn't put too much value around the idea of, are you valuable enough to him for him to necessarily lie or not lie, right? A lot of that has to do with him and who he is as a human being. But all of us get into situations, right? There's like these situations where if you were put in that situation, you might do something differently than what you normally would do. For instance, let's say that you believe that it's never okay to kill somebody, but you're put into a situation where you're at home and you have some people coming into your house, they're breaking into your house with guns or knives or something like that and they're threatening your family or your children or your loved ones or something like that would in that scenario, you be okay with hurting someone or killing someone when you normally wouldn't be. And for a lot of people, the answer is yes. And so sometimes people get into situations where they're just in a lot of pain, right? And they're lonely, they feel, they're in a relationship where there's no love, there's no connection, there's no intimacy and they end up doing something that's not something that they would normally do. Which is why it's important that he values you and he feels connected to you and he looks at you as somebody that he would never wanna lie to, that he'd never wanna cheat on, that he looks at and he feels like you're special and unique and amazing and somebody that he wants to be with forever. And you wanna have these other signs up there as well. So the last thing that we're gonna be talking about here is why do men cheat? What's the number one reason why men cheat? And they've actually, they've done so many different studies on cheating and there's a lot of different kind of mixed information out there about it, right? So if you're like super, super worried about your guy cheating, it's actually not that common. It is fairly, it's like common enough that there are a lot of guys that are doing it. But at the same time, for most, there's a study I was reading yesterday where I was talking about the most common situation for a relationship, the likelihood that your spouse is gonna cheat on you is like 6%, but there are times in the relationship where there's a lot of tension and a lot of problems where it can get up to like 25% or more. And so you just want to be aware of that kind of thing. And so what's the number one reason? So men have been surveyed about this, like men who have cheated on their spouses or their girlfriends or whatever, their relationships. You know, what was the reason, the number one reason why guys cheat? And the number one reason was that there was a lack of passion in the relationship. So he was no longer excited about it. He no longer felt connected. He no longer felt like a draw to the woman that he was with. He no longer felt like passionate about them being together and being connected anymore. And so he ended up cheating. And so how do you create passion? Like what is, where does passion come from? It's not one of those things that's either just there or not there and there's nothing you can do about it. Passion is actually created. You can build and create passion. And the number one way that you do that is through something called variety, creating variety in the situation, creating variety in the connection in the relationship that you have. And there's a whole bunch of different ways to create variety in the relationship. And if you wanna know a lot about how to build that connection and build that variety with a guy in your relationship, I actually have a program. It's called the obsession formula. You can check it out at commitmentconnection.com forward slash obsession. You can learn actually on that page all about what creates variety. It's something that I call a connection cycling. It's a really, really powerful way of connecting with a man that kind of makes him feel obsessed with you. And it's a four part formula. You can learn about it at that page. And at the end of it, you can learn about my program if you're interested in my program as well. It's a really cool program. commitmentconnection.com forward slash obsession. So what kind of questions do you have about your situation? What's the biggest challenge or frustration that you are working on right now in your situation, in your relationship, being single, whatever. What's your biggest frustration with being single or dating or relationships or whatever is going on with you? And I will go and answer all the questions. I'm gonna answer all the questions. So hello, everybody. Hello, hello, hello. Let's see. Hi, what do you do to help my France? Stop yelling at me. I think you're asking about your fiancee. Stop yelling at you. Well, why is your fiancee yelling at you, Anna? Tell us, Anna, what's going on with your fiancee yelling at you? Tell us, tell us more about it. And I will help you to the extent that I can. Lots of people saying hi, California, Florida. We've got Louisiana, Australia, Jacksonville. Cool, cool, cool. Nigeria, Missouri, the Netherlands, Patricia, Mavis. Hi, everybody. Hey, Alene from Greece. It's cool seeing, I love seeing everybody here. It's so cool having so all these cool people all over the place talking about stuff. So CJ says, how do you cope with a cheating man thinking he loves you yet he cheated on you? So I'm not sure if you're asking about your situation or not, CJ, but it's one of those things where love and cheating are two completely different things. And I get a lot of confusion about this from a lot of women in our community and a lot of women that I talk to because a lot of times they're like, okay, if I'm in love, then nothing else matters, right? And I'm in love and it's this guy and this is it and this is everything. But with a lot of men, there's kind of a different type of connection in their brain where they can kind of separate those things. And with a lot of women, it's true too, right? Like if you're in a relationship and you're not getting the respect that you want, if you're not being valued, if you're not being treated well, if you're not being made a priority, it doesn't matter if you're really in love, if you're not getting those things, that's not a relationship that's necessarily a good relationship for you to be in. And so whether he loves you or not, really doesn't matter in terms of how he, whether he cheats on you or not, right? So I wouldn't make that a focal point of anything, right? So if this guy's a cheater, doesn't matter if he loves you or not. He's still probably, if he's cheated in the past, the pattern says, the pattern dictates that he's very, very likely to cheat in the future. And so you wanna be very, very aware of that and know what's going on with that. As Sabrina says, do you know Spanish? Hablo un poco de español solo suficiente para viajar y pedir comida y otras cosas. But I don't know, I don't know everything in Spanish. I'm not fluent. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Hello, hello, hello. Amber says she loves this topic. Well, I love you loving this topic. CJ says, do you leave him immediately or do you give him a chance if he has really cheated on you? Chances might be he will do it again. It's so difficult. So I guess you are talking about your situation here, CJ. And yeah, it's a pattern, right? So you wanna look at, you know, why this happened? Why did this happen with you, right? Was he, was it just something that he went off and did, right? Are you guys in a committed relationship? Are you guys married? Like, what's the scenario that you're in and why did he do it? And if the reason that he did it was he, you know, got drunk one day and, you know, fell on top of another woman, you know, the likelihood that he's gonna cheat again is really, really hot. You know, if he did it because you guys haven't been talking for a month and you've been ignoring him and you haven't been physically intimate with each other and all that kind of stuff has been going on and he's never done it in his past. And, you know, it was a really bad week moment for him. Then it's possible. It's possible that he's not gonna do it again. But here's the thing. Here's the thing. If he cheats on you and you just allow him back into your life, then what you're doing is you're saying this is acceptable behavior. There's punishment for it, but this is an acceptable behavior in my life. And so it's really, really difficult. If you're not, I mean, if you're not really in a committed relationship where you guys have kids and it's, you know, maybe you're married and you've got a lot of things going on, I'm not sure that it's really worth it for you to stay in a situation with a guy who acts like this and then is trying to get back together with you after you found out that he actually did cheat on you. And so my suggestion is that if you have other options, which you should have other options, and if you're not married, if it's not a really, really connected kind of situation where it's, you know, you've got kids and it's difficult to walk away from the situation, then, you know, if you're not in that situation, then you should probably start building abundance and go find another scenario that's probably better for you to be in. Let's see. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Hello, hello, hello, lots of people get it, lots of people from all over the place, it's cool. So Mirna says, what if he cheated on someone he didn't see himself with? I'm not excusing that, but I'm curious why she did not break up first. Well, if you don't think that you're with somebody, right? You're not, you don't think you're cheating, right? So we all have rules, right? We all have rules about what's acceptable and what's not acceptable and what means this and what means that and is this okay? And is this not okay? And if you haven't had a conversation with someone about actually being together and being committed, like you guys aren't actually committed. And here's how you know that you aren't committed. You haven't talked about it. That's how you know that you are not in a committed relationship, is that you have not had a conversation about it. You have not talked about it. Doesn't matter what he's doing, it doesn't matter how he's doing it. I get women all the time that are like, but Matt, you said that if you haven't talked about it, he's not, you can assume you're not committed, but he wants to see me all the time and he's taking me on trips and he's had me talk to his parents. Well, it's possible, it's possible that you are and that he's just assuming it, but you do not want to assume that. You want to have that conversation and make sure that you are in a committed relationship because you don't know what he's thinking. You have no idea and a lot of guys out there, they just won't talk about it and they'll just assume that you're just having fun and hooking up and just exploring the world together without any kind of serious relationship because there's a lot of women and men who don't want commitment. They don't want a serious relationship and so in this day and age and the day and age of the hookup culture, you absolutely must have that conversation with a guy. If you want to make sure that he thinks that you are in a relationship, if you want to know whether you're in a relationship or not, have the conversation and don't be afraid to have the conversation, just have the conversation straight up and if you don't, you can assume that you are not in a relationship. And so you're asking what if he cheated on someone and he didn't see himself with that person? Well, if he thought that you guys were just hooking up, he didn't think it was cheating and so it's a different scenario, right? You're in a different category. You're labeled as something, right? Just having fun, just casual hookup, you know, not a real relationship and so the rules for that for him are probably like, hey, whatever, she's probably seeing other people. I'm definitely seeing other people. This isn't serious. I'm not trying to make this go anywhere. She's okay with it and I'm gonna continue seeing other people until, you know, something else happens and that's why you have to have that conversation. You absolutely have to have it. Do, do, do, we have to be strong and overcome the bad experiences. All right, let's see what we have going on here. Alexandra says he is cheating if he is not in love. It's a possibility, it's a possibility. I wouldn't assume that though. You know, a lot of guys, like I was talking about earlier in the video, a lot of guys it's very, very difficult for them to cheat. It's not like they're just running around hooking up with people. It's very, very difficult for most guys to do. Most guys are not players. They're not trying to be players. They don't wanna be players. It's very difficult for them to be players. They're not running around hooking up with people. That's the overwhelming majority of men are not hooking up with lots of people. They're not players. So Camille says, should you take your ex back after he cheats? What if you both have been on and off for a year since the betrayal? Well, like I said, Camille, you know, I would look at the situation and say how invested are you in this situation and how important is it that you actually get back together with him? And my suggestion is that you open things up, you start building your abundance, you start connecting with other men, you start looking at your value. You know, your value as a human being, your value as a woman, you know, it's one of those things where one of the reasons why I talk about value, if you're new to this channel, by the way, make sure you subscribe where the subscribe button is. But one of the things that I talk a lot about on this channel is the idea of believing in your own value, believing that you're a valuable, worthwhile human being who deserves the kind of relationship that you wanna have. Someone who deserves a relationship where you are not being cheated on, where you're not being taken for granted, where you're not, where you have somebody who's loyal to you, right? If you're in a situation, what does it tell you about yourself? If you're willing to get back together with a guy who is willing to cheat on you? Like, what does it tell you about the way that you look at yourself and the way that you feel about yourself and what you're willing to put up with? And what it tells me is that you don't really value yourself that much, right? You don't really value yourself enough to demand that you get into, take a stand, you take a stand for getting into the kind of relationship that you ultimately want to have. And that's where you should come from from the very beginning is a place of believing in your own value, believing that you're worth having a relationship where somebody is loyal to you and they don't cheat on you and they're all about you and only you. And so that's my suggestion. That is my suggestion is that you figure out whether that's actually a situation where you really want to be getting back into or not. And Camille says, there's still a bond when you're in person with him though. And that's gonna happen, right? You get connected to people, you get attached to people and you have to break that bond. I talk about that in some of my other videos that I talk about. If you need, I have a program called the Breakup Remedy. You can go check it out at commitmentconnection.com forward slash break up. And that'll teach you how to get rid of the attachment that you have with a guy. You need to consciously break that attachment that you have with a man. If you want something more, if you want something different, if you don't wanna be stuck on that guy, you gotta break that bond. You gotta move on with your life and get to a space where you believe that you're worth more. You believe that you're worth more. You believe that you're worth having somebody that won't cheat on you, that's somebody that's loyal to you, somebody that cherishes you, somebody that values you really, really highly. That's what you want. Let's see. Sabrina says, a man who don't praise you all the time but tells you your flaws as well, who takes you so seriously, who shares everything with you, who tells you the truth no matter how harsh it is, who afraid of losing you and explains how important you are in his life who frequently talks about his future dream in which he includes you as well, cannot cheat you anyhow. He still could. He still could. In the way that he could, Sabrina is if he has a pattern of it. If he has a pattern of it, he might, right? There are guys out there who they're addicted to things, right? They're addicted to sleeping around. They're addicted to all kinds of things. He might never wanna lose you. He might love you to death. He might think that you're the most amazing woman in the world. But if he has a pattern of it, if he lives in a culture of it, if all his friends are doing it and that's who he's being influenced by, there's a high probability chance that he's gonna do it with you no matter how he feels all the rest of it, right? And so you have to make sure you have to look for all of those signs. Look for those signs that I was talking about before because that is some of the most important stuff that you can possibly do. Some of the most important stuff you can possibly look at. Nancy says, it's difficult when he doesn't try. I am always open to create variety and I am easy going. He is always tiring. Well, you can create variety without his consent. That's what I talk about here, Nancy, in the obsession formula, the obsession formula. Go check out commitmentconnection.com forward slash obsession. You can create variety with his consent, but you can also create variety without his consent. And the way that you do that is creating variety in the interaction that you have with him. There's a whole bunch of different ways that you can do that. And it doesn't matter whether he wants it or not. You bring in that variety, girl. You're coming down. You're like, hey, you want some variety? He's like, no, no, please no. I'm way too tired for variety right now. And you're like, phew, you get in that variety whether you like it or not, son. Oh, and he's like, you know what? I like it in some ways and I don't know others, but I don't know, there's something about you that's so amazing and I'm so passionately in love with you right now, Nancy. Nancy, I love you. Okay. Lucy says, no, don't take them back unless you love them, just give one chance. That can, I mean, it's not even if you love them. It's like, you know, look at those patterns. Look at the patterns. What's going on with them? So Andrea says, if they don't admit to infidelity, do you agree you can't really fix anything? Yeah, I mean, if you are like, hey, this person has been cheating on me. This postman cheating on me and they aren't gonna admit it, right? And they're like, well, that wasn't really cheating or I didn't cheat. You know, I don't know what you're talking about. It was this and you did that and this happened. All right. If they don't take ownership of it, if they either one aren't aware of it, right? They're just too like out there to realize that they did it or they're totally in denial or whatever, or two, if they're not taking responsibility and ownership of it, like they aren't saying, hey, this is something that I did do, then yeah, there's not a whole lot that you can really do about it because they can convince their own mind that it's not a problem, that they didn't do anything, that it's your fault, that it's the world's fault, that it's other people's fault, that it's the pandemic's fault, whatever they want to blame it on, they can do that and there's not a whole lot that you can really do in that kind of a scenario. Good question there, Andrea. Good question. It's a great question. So again, if you're with us right now, post in the chat, what's your biggest, what's something that, what's something you're having a hard time with in dating and relationships? What's difficult about it? What do you hate about it? What's a challenge for you about it right now? Just let us know. Tell us in the chat. All right, what else do we have here? What else do we have? What you got? What you got for me in the chat? Lisa says, I'm sick of 50-50 dating. I'm old school. I'm not sure what 50-50 dating is. Like everything's 50-50, like you pay, he pays. Is that what you're talking about? That's the culture we're moving towards. That is the culture we are moving towards. That is the culture. As Om says, I feel I am not attractive and not attractive as long-term. I was cheated many times. Men don't like to stay with me. Yeah, and so as Om, the problem that you're gonna have here is that if you don't change all that stuff going on in your mind, right? You're not, you're not your mind. You're not your body. You're not your emotions. However, those things are programs that have been running with you for a long time because you've been cheated on many times. You probably have some other stuff in your past that is hurting you and giving you challenges and making you question yourself and your own self-worth and whether you're, I mean, obviously, right? You're even saying it right here. You're saying I feel as I'm not attractive, right? And I can kind of see your photo there a little bit and it looks like you're very attractive and I'm sure that you have a lot of amazing qualities and you're a beautiful human being. And just opening up right here to us on the internet with all these people all over the world right now about this is, I mean, that's a pretty courageous and noble and vulnerable thing for you to do. And so my, I'm sure that you are very, very attractive human being. You just have to get rid of all that old programming and you have to change the way that you think about yourself if the change your beliefs that you have about who you are and what you're worth and what you're willing to allow into your life and just start noticing those patterns and change them and break them, break the old habits, the old belief systems that you have and it can be a challenging thing, right? It can be a very, very challenging thing. We're gonna be starting some new healing programs here in the not too distant future. We're just starting to add events. We just, I just did the first event that I've done in a long time two weeks ago and it was a major success. It was awesome. The women who are a part of it said that it was unbelievably good and we're gonna be doing some healing work for everybody through those events. Cause I know there's a lot of people that are in a lot of pain right now. There's a lot of people with a lot of belief systems that aren't really serving them. And you need to make sure that you're getting into a system where you know a place, putting programs in place inside yourself, updating the software in your brain, right? We all have software in our brain for that tells us what our life is about, what we're worth, what we can get, what we can't get, what's possible, what's not possible. And we have to update that software just like we update the software in our computer or in our phone or any kind of situation like that so that the software that's running in our minds tells us that we're capable of having what we want, that software that stops us from settling for things that we don't actually want. And so that's really what you need to do is you need to start believing in yourself. You need to start emotionalizing what it is that you want and you need to start questioning those old belief systems, right? Like this stuff about I feel I am not attractive and not attractive as long term. Just start questioning that. Start questioning it. Start connecting with people that'll tell you why you are. Start finding reasons why you are long-term relationship material. Find reasons why you are attractive. Find evidence that shows you that you're attractive, that you're long-term material. And start questioning those old beliefs that you have. That's the best way to do it. And then start emotionalizing the new beliefs that you want to have so that you get it into your system so that you aren't settling for anything less than what you absolutely want in this world because you can have something amazing if you want it, but you have to. You absolutely have to start with the belief that you deserve it, that you're worthy of it, that you can have it. Because if you start with anything else, you're going to settle for something less. What's the difference? Everyone here, type in the chat. What is the difference between a woman who believes in her value and a woman who doesn't believe in her value? What's the difference in the world? What does she experience differently in the world if she believes in her value versus if she doesn't? Type it in the chat if you know. So Sheila says, how can men have two lives? Both worlds isn't okay. Why don't they choose one? Because there's a whole bunch of different reasons why guys might have two lives. One might be because he's afraid that one life isn't really serving him or it isn't really fulfilling all of his needs or he wants something different or there's variety, right? We're just talking about variety and this whole thing about cheating. What happens in relationships and the reason that guys cheat is because of something it's a sad law. It's called the law of familiarity. The law of familiarity states that anything that we're around often enough we start taking it for granted. It starts becoming boring to us. You just a little bit, right? It accumulates over time. It starts becoming more and more and more and more boring. And eventually it's super boring and you go, okay, you start looking to something else in order to fulfill that need of variety for yourself. And so for instance, just think about like a song, a really great song that you heard like the first time you're like, wow, that was good. And then you hear the second time you're like, awesome, next thing you know you have it on, playing on repeat and you're listening to it all the time. You're like, oh yeah, the song's so great. And then after a while it's, I mean, it's a great song but it's not as special anymore. If you listen to it all the time every single day, all day long it doesn't matter how much you like a song eventually you're gonna get tired of it. But if you stop listening to it for a while but you hear it every once in a while like on the radio or something or randomly somebody else is playing it you're like, yay, that's awesome or whatever. So that's creating variety, right? That's creating scarcity. That's building its value. That's making it more interesting and different and not something that you're constantly around. And so you can actually do that in relationships. You can build that in relationships and you don't have to like go on vacation or something every week with a guy but you can create space. You can create scarcity. You can build your value in his eyes. You can pull yourself back. You can have your own life. You can do all these different things that keep the variety and spice in the relationship that you have. Now, does that mean that if you do that that a guy will definitively no matter what, absolutely no questions asked and never have a second life? No, it doesn't because like I said some people are cultured to have this. Some people have patterns of this in their life. Some people have friends that are doing this as well. Some people they want that. It's like a dirty little secret and addiction that they have to it. And so you can't find out what everything everybody has and all the things that are going on with everybody immediately the first time but that's why you wanna look for patterns and that's why you wanna slow things down when you're dating in relationships so that you can start seeing more patterns of what's going on, excuse me with this person and what's going on with them so that you can make sure that you are getting yourself into the best possible situation that you absolutely can. And so that's what you wanna do. That's what you wanna make sure you're doing, right? So Chi Wong says, how do I learn to trust again after he cheated? Reason for cheating was attention from other women made him feel like he still had it was able to attract other women. Well, that is a bad reason for cheating. Chi Wong, maybe you go by Wong, maybe you go by Chi. I don't know, but that is a very bad reason for this guy cheating on you. That's a horrible, horrible reason to feel like he still has it. And so, I mean, you can do that. You can create that with him, that feeling that he still has it through things like role playing, through things like creating variety, through things like distancing yourself from him. Like you can make him feel that a whole bunch of different ways, but like we were talking about before, what does it say that you end up getting back together with this guy who cheated on you and did all this kind of stuff. And so you wanna look at your situation. I don't know what your situation is, Chi Wong, but that's a bad situation to get back into if you absolutely don't have to get back into it because if you're teaching him that it's okay for him to cheat on you and then there's a high probability that he's gonna do it again. And so if you do end up getting back together with a guy who does something like that, you wanna make it incredibly difficult for him to get back together with you. You wanna put a lot of obstacles in his way and you want to make him earn you back. You want to make him earn you back. Zeynep Ali says, I wonder why always women have to put all the effort to keep the relationship working when everything starts to fade while men always choose to simply walk away for the slightest reasons or there are not any they just walk away out of boredom. Well, that's actually like, if I felt that way, Zeynep, I would be very, very concerned as well. But here's the reality of the situation. The reality of the situation is that women don't always have to put in all the effort to keep the relationship working and you shouldn't have to put in all the work to keep the relationship working. It's actually the men actually aren't the ones that are more likely to walk away from the relationship. There's been many studies done on this and what they found is that women are three times as likely to walk away from a relationship than a man is. Women are three times more likely to walk away from a relationship. That doesn't mean that the man's putting in a whole bunch of effort to try to fix things. Most men typically just put their heads down and just continue going on even if the relationship is really difficult. But women are typically the ones that walk away from the situation. But you also wanna be in a situation with a guy who's willing to fight for the relationship. You shouldn't be the one that's putting in all of the effort for the relationship and it should be that way from the very beginning, right? You should both be building relationships are built together. It's not one person or the other person and it shouldn't be one person or the other person that should be built together with the both of you creating the relationship together and any other situation isn't a good situation but it's just simply not true that women are always the ones that are putting. Yeah, I used to think like I had some thoughts about that as well. Actually when I was growing up, I thought women were the only ones that were cheating and lying and leaving men and all that kind of stuff until I actually got into the women's dating side and I started finding out that women have just as many problems with men doing it as men have it with women. But you only see one side because you're on one side. It's painful because you're on the side and you're like these relationships that I've been in, the guy hasn't put in any effort and I was doing everything and when he was trying to walk away and all that kind of stuff and so to you it looks like men always walk away. Women are the only ones that are putting in the energy and the effort but in reality it's very, very different than what you perceive, right? Because you only perceive based on what you've seen and what you make it mean and there's a whole nother reality of a world out there where lots of other things are going on and a lot of times it's exactly the opposite of what you've been experiencing but you have patterns, right? Just like men have patterns of cheating and you wanna know what those are, you have patterns of what kind of situations that you get into and so if you are in a pattern of getting into situations where you're constantly meeting guys who are walking away and not putting any effort, not doing anything and you're doing everything and all that kind of stuff then you wanna look at that and say why am I getting into this pattern? What can I do differently to get into a different pattern and how can I see when I'm getting into the pattern that's not a pattern that I wanna be in and what can I do to break that pattern, right? The last, the event that I just did the other weekend it was this event called the Chase Formula and one of the things that I talked about was how do you break patterns? How do you break patterns in a relationship because that's a big thing if you wanna get back together with somebody is you need to look at what kind of patterns are going on there, what kind of patterns are in the relationship, what kind of patterns of perception does he have of you, right? And how do you break that and get into a better situation that's far more valuable for you and what you want? So Alicia says, does flirting with other people count as cheating? Well, it depends on you, right? So it depends on how you feel about flirting depends on what kind of flirting it is it depends on, is this a flirting kind of person? And it depends on whether you're concerned about emotional cheating. What they found is that women actually tend to be more concerned with men emotionally cheating than they do with actually physically cheating. A lot of women out there are okay with men who physically cheat on them as long as they don't emotionally cheat on them, right? As long as they're not getting emotionally attached to other women, a lot of women are okay with men cheating on them physically, right? It's crazy. And with men, men are far less concerned about emotional cheating than they are with physical cheating, right? So most guys don't really care if you're getting emotionally connected to some guy that you're never gonna hook up with because he doesn't have to worry about all those emotional things that normally he might have to worry about but he's very concerned about whether you actually physically cheat with that guy or not. That's just, those are some patterns that men and women have around cheating and what's acceptable and what's not acceptable to them. And so it kind of depends it depends on what the flirting is it depends on whether this is the kind of personality of the guy that you're with because some guys they just flirt with everybody, right? And so if you date a guy that's flirting with everybody all the time then you're gonna have to assume that when you're in a relationship that he's gonna continue flirting with everybody all the time. There's a lot of women that do that as well. And so it depends on you, right? It depends on what that means to you what it means to him, what's going on there is that is it flirting, is it actually flirting? Is it emotionally cheating? Does it count as emotional cheating? Is it malicious and intense? Is he trying to get something with somebody? Or is he just having fun and just connecting and talking to people and that's what he does because he's an extrovert, right? So you have to look at the scenario a little bit more to figure out whether that's something that's important to you or not. Okay, and whether it's normal behavior that's the other thing. Is it normal, is it normal or is it abnormal? So Naughty says, Naughty, Naughty, Naughty, Naughty, Naughty Jones. Naughty Jones says, how do you cope with not being appreciated? How do you prevent cheating then? Well, if you wanna be appreciated more then what you need to do is there's a whole bunch of different things that you need to do. I have whole live streams about how to get more appreciation from a guy, right? And one of the best things that you can do is create space, right? Like just what I was talking about before with the love of familiarity, right? We start taking things for granted. If we don't take something for granted we're not appreciated as much. And if you're not being appreciated in your relationship, if you're not being valued, if you're not being respected the best thing for you to do is pull back is to walk away, not necessarily forever if you don't want to, but don't stay in a situation, don't stay somewhere where respect, where appreciation is not being served to you. And you'll wanna pull yourself out of that situation and just be like, hey, I want to be appreciated. I want to be respected. I want to be desired and taken seriously and treated as a priority. And make sure that you're one, that you're communicating what it is that you want, that you're connecting with your guy and letting him know what it is, what kind of a situation you want, what you're interested in, what works for you, what doesn't work for you. Set up boundaries and make sure that you're getting your needs met. You need to make sure that you're getting your needs met. This is a need, right? We all have a need to be appreciated. It's called significance, right? Our emotional need of significance dictates that we must be appreciated. We need, we seek being appreciated. And so if you're not being appreciated, you need to pull yourself back and start finding places where you are appreciated and go to places where you do get appreciated and be around people who do appreciate you. That way you're making sure that you do get your appreciation. And that way, if he's not gonna appreciate you, then he can, he's not gonna be around you. He's not gonna get to have you, right? You're coming from a frame. You wanna always come from this frame, this master frame of like, he has to prove that I'm somebody that he gets to be with, right? You're the prize that he wants to win over that he wants to have in your life. And if he's not trying to win you over and if he's not proving to you that he's worthy of you as the prize, then he doesn't get to have you. And it doesn't matter if you're in a relationship for a short amount of time or a long amount of time. You know, if you're in a committed relationship or if you're in a marriage, Naughty Jones, which I don't know if you are or not, you might be dating, who knows. But if you're in a marriage or a situation like that, the first thing that you wanna do is make sure that you are appreciating him, right? You wanna make sure that you're giving what it is that you want to get. And you want to create a relationship with him through you and what you're doing that makes him feel like he's amazing, right? Because most people, most men and women, if you get into a relationship with them and you really fulfill their needs and you make them feel just absolutely amazing, they will feel horrible if they don't give that back to you. But if you're not doing that, then it's very easy for them to justify that or do it for revenge or whatever because they don't feel like they're in a great relationship either. And if you do that a whole bunch, right? And you're connecting with them and you're giving them what they want and they feel like they are just amazing, a million dollars when they're around you and they don't reciprocate and make you feel like you are a million dollars around them, then you need to question whether this is even worth being in or not. And you need to pull yourself away and stop allowing yourself to be in a situation where you're not getting respected, you're not being appreciated, you're not being valued and only get into situations where you are, where it starts that way and it builds that way and there's a pattern of that in the relationship and it stays that way. That's what you want. CB says, how to move a relationship forward or let someone know you like them when you're coworkers and don't wanna be too obvious? Well, if you are in the West, specifically America and you have a coworker that you're interested in, the likelihood that he is going to hit on you is pretty close to non-existent these days because of a lot of the movements and stuff that have been going on over the last few years, last decade or so. And so you have to be very obvious about what it is that you're interested in and what it is that you want because if you don't, then it's gonna be very, very difficult. If you're a woman, it's really up to you in the workplace at this point, right? Because a lot of people, I have friends, I have good friends who have been accused of workplace, harassment and all kinds of stuff that they weren't even doing because women didn't like them and so they accused them of things. And so a lot of guys are freaked out about this. There's actually a study I was reading recently where a lot of people aren't hiring women anymore because they're so worried about all the lawsuits and harassment charges and stuff that women are filing on just tons of people all the time and they don't want to deal with it anymore. And so if you're in a workplace environment like that, you're, I mean, there's a really high probability that you're gonna have to do everything, right? You're gonna have to let them know that you're interested, you're gonna have to let him know that you want to hang out. If you want to do it in a non-obvious way, then what you should do is you should just let him know that you'd like to hang out with him at some point, right? And then move things from there and don't hang out at his house, don't hang out at your house, go somewhere where it's public and you can talk and you can have conversations and you can start creating a dating frame around the interaction. Because if you get into that situation and you're a coworker situation at work, it can get really, really messy for the guy, right? If he hits on you at all, even if you hit on him, if he hits on you, you know, he can get in a lot of trouble. So it's really up to women these days in the workplace. That's just, that's the way that workplace is going right now for the time being. And so if that's something that's going on with you, you need to let him know. That's what's gonna happen. You have to let him know. All right, so if you really want to create passion and excitement and amazement and love and fun and all that kind of stuff in your relationship, make sure you check out commitmentconnection.com forward slash obsession. That's my program called the Obsession Formula. It's a great program. And that's it for today. Thank you everybody for being here with us. It was really cool having this live stream. I love doing these live streams. I love connecting. We're just gonna start doing events. So I'm probably gonna stop doing as many live streams and we're gonna start doing a lot more live events and so if you're not, make sure you go and check out commitmentconnection.com and join our mailing list. That way, if you're interested in being a part of these live events where we're gonna be going over healing work, we're gonna be talking about how to raise your value in men's eyes. We're gonna be doing some stuff about getting your exes back. I'm working on getting some really awesome speakers to come and talk about femininity and feminine energy for women that are interested in that, you know, attracting guys, just doing all that kind of stuff that you're looking to do. Make sure you're part of just go to commitmentconnection.com and join my newsletter there and you will get emails about what we're doing and what's going on. And so that's it. And thank you everybody for being here with us today and I will speak with you again soon and always remember, you are worth it.