 Ranger of the Woodland! Ranger Bill, Warrior of the Woodland, struggling against extreme odds, traveling dangerous trails, showing rare courage in the face of disaster, in the air, on horseback, or in a screaming squad car. Ranger Bill, his mind alert, a ready smile, unswerving, loyal to his mission. And all this in extreme danger, and all this in exchange for the satisfaction and pride of a job well done. And so then he says, you know, when I first started in business, there was a lot of dirty work to be cleaned up. And I says, oh, a lot of treachery, huh? He says, no, I started as the manager of a laundry. I never know whether to believe you or not, Stubby. There you seem to have an endless supply of jokes. We've looked all over his house, Fred, but we haven't been able to find where he hides them. I hide them right up here in my think tank. That's where I hide them. If a thing just called a feather has weight here, it's all over his hand that there ain't nothing going on inside. Well, I never think that about you, old timer. How about you, Fred, the house business? Oh, looking up, Bill, looking up. Now what? I was just thinking about the only way for a business to look up is for it to be flat on its back. Here, there's one expression I'll never use again. Well, come on, young whippersnapper. Maybe Bill and Fred have the time to stand around and join, but those of us who work for a living have things to do. I'll stop by the station later in the morning, Stubby. You know where you can reach me. Maybe today I'll finally get it cleanin' out that back room. Are you cleanin' that place again? No, I'm cleaning it still. Bye, Bill. Bye, Bill. Hey, Stubby, sure he's a character, Bill. What would you do without him? That's the question I try to put off thinking about, Fred. I can't imagine what the station would be like without the old timer, his harmonica and his jokes. How long do you think he'll be with the Rangers? I mean, before he retires. That's hard to tell. Doesn't his age start to show? Like when you have something especially energetic to do? Well, again, Fred, I'll have to say that I just don't know. You see, even if Stumpy were slowing up a bit, this experience makes up for it. He's always one of the first to locate difficulties and solve the kind of problems we run up against. So, you see, Fred, I just don't know. I guess it doesn't matter. He's got enough sense to retire when the time comes. Sure. But I'm certain he'll be with us for a good couple of years before he retires. Good morning, Mr. Hayes. Mr. Jeffers. Good morning, Mrs. Purdy. Good morning, Mrs. Purdy. My isn't it a lovely morning. I came out to shop right early just to enjoy it all the more. Yes, it is. I was just saying a little while ago that business about start looking up. I wasn't going to use that expression, was I? Well, anyway, they're coming to the nice weather. It brings more business to the stores. Oh, you haven't been doing very well this winter? Oh, no, it isn't that. I've done fine. It's just at the overall volume. We'll probably pick up now. Oh, now that's all right. I understand perfectly. You don't have to talk about it. But... Bill, just as I was coming up, you were talking about somebody retiring. Wouldn't be dear Stumpy now, would it? Retiring? All that, we were just speculating as to how long it would be before he might retire. Expect it soon, do you? I'm afraid not. If I know Stumpy, he'll never be ready to retire. Uh-huh. Well, it's been nice chatting with you. I really must be going. Good morning, Mrs. Purdy. Good morning, Mrs. Purdy. Good day, gentlemen. I suppose it's just the way she is, but she sure tries to nose in on everybody else's affairs. You know, Marion tells me she's the biggest gossip and nutty pine. Uh, that wouldn't be a bit of gossip itself, would it? Yeah, you're right, Bill. Sorry. A long time ago I saw what dangerous things can happen from a bit of gossip, Fred. I know what you mean. Well, this is no time to preach on the subject. I've got to get out of the bank, then to the station. Nice bobbing into you, Fred. Likewise, Bill. Listen, give us a call sometime. We'd enjoy seeing you more often. Is it really the best brand? It's the only brand of that stuff we carry, ma'am. Well, all right, I'll try it this once. Amelia, I thought I recognized your voice. Charlotte, how good to see you. Say, Charlotte, have you ever tried these? Yes, we did once. Why? Well, I was just making up my mind whether or not to buy them. How did you like them? As I remember, Herb thought they were all right, but I didn't like them. Oh, I guess I'll let them go. Oh, say, have you heard the latest from over at the ranger station? Land safe. I didn't even know they did anything that might even interest me. What is it? Well, I don't think I ought to be telling anybody this, Charlotte, but you're such a close friend. I know you won't let it get around. I overheard Bill Jefferson telling Fred Hayes this morning, right outside Fred's door, that Stumpy Jenkins is retiring. No, I heard Bill himself say it. New Stumpy was getting up in years, but I didn't... Oh, it might not be as simple as all that, Charlotte. Oh, that's right. I only asked a few simple questions about it, but it seemed to me that Bill was awfully evasive. You mean you think they might be forcing Stumpy out? I wouldn't want to be the one to say it, but he did say that he was afraid Stumpy wouldn't retire on his own. Well, what does that sound like to you? Terrible. Just terrible. A fine man like Stumpy Jenkins being forced out of work. Wait till my heard hears about this. Oh, I wouldn't tell anyone about it, Charlotte. I mean, I might be wrong, but I've only told you what I've heard. Don't worry, Amelia. Thanks very much for letting me in. I'm sure it will come as a shock to the whole town. A fine man like Stumpy... Stumpy? A fine man like Stumpy Jenkins? That's exactly what I told Amelia. It's shocking to think that Bill Jefferson is practically throwing him out. I always thought Bill was such a nice man. He was always straight with me. Maybe they've had some sort of disagreement. Can't think of any other reason. Of course, that would explain it. I'll get it, Herb. You just finish your dessert. Hello? Oh, hello, Bertha. No, we were just finishing. Oh, that's all right. What's that, tonight? Oh, yes, I'd forgotten. This is the night the town council is meeting. Yes, Herb plans on going. Is that it? Uh-huh. Well, sure I'd like to get together. I've got news to tell you. Oh, it can wait till I see you. Well, if I tell you what it's about, I'll have to tell you the whole thing. Oh, all right. It seems that over at the ranger station, Bill Jefferson and Stumpy Jenkins have had a fight. And because Bill is chief ranger over there, it seems that he's firing him. We don't know that for certain, Charlotte. Just a minute, dear. I'm on the phone. Oh, no, Bertha. Herb just shouted something to me. What's that? Of course it's true. Amelia Purdy heard the whole thing this morning herself. We'll talk more about it tonight, Bertha. I'll see you then. Uh-huh, thanks for calling, dear. Goodbye. Well, Ben, Charlotte, among yourselves, you'd think this was a lady's meeting. Well, I can see that I'm going to have to throw aside the rules and start with new business. I do that just because I can find out what it is that you're all talking about. We're talking about the shake-up over at the ranger station, Your Honor. We're wondering whether the town council ought to take any official action on the subject. Well, that's a good question. I can't even think of an answer for it. But maybe if one of you gentlemen would let me in on what this shake-up's all about, I could help us come to a decision. Well, Your Honor, it seems our wives have scooped us on this story. We've just been putting the pieces together. As near as we can figure it, Mrs. Purdy was walking by the ranger station this morning early and heard Bill Jefferson and Stumpy Jenkins really going at it. Going at it? Well, fighting is near as we can make out. I find that a little hard to believe. Well, so do we, except for the fact that Bill is making Stumpy retire from the rangers. That's all. That's right, Your Honor. I don't like to come right out and accuse Bill of anything. He's always been straight with me, but it sure sounds like he's pulling rank on the old timer. Has anyone actually talked to Bill or Stumpy about this? I saw Bill this morning, Your Honor. Was any of this mentioned? I wish I could remember exactly what happened. I never gave it a thought until I came here tonight. What do you mean, Brad? It seems to me that we did mention Stumpy's retiring. I can't remember what we said. And this was in a direct conversation with Bill. That's right. It's beginning to sound as though there's something to it. Of course there's something to it. There may be a lot of kidding about nosy wives, but our wives wouldn't deliberately start anything like this. Besides, Fred says that even Bill mentioned it. Seems to me we ought to put Bill in his place. I don't like him pulling rank on the old man and getting rid of him just because they've had a little fight. That's a weird idea. Gentlemen, gentlemen. You know, as I see it, we don't have any business meddling in ranger affairs. I know how y'all feel about Stumpy. I feel the same way, but I don't think it'll be wise to try to tell the rangers how to run their affairs. Your Honor, what if Bill gets away with it? Well, if he gets away with it, he'll have to look himself in the face the rest of his life. But there may be other ways than coming right out and saying something to him about it. What do you have in mind, Your Honor? Well, we all like Stumpy a whole lot now, don't we? Sure do. Enough maybe to have a testimonial dinner for him? That's an idea. You see, if the whole town gets behind the idea that Stumpy is really a swell fellow, Bill can't help but see what a mistake he's making. Sounds like a good idea to me. As a matter of fact, we might even go a step further in pushing Bill to his senses. How are you going to do that, Your Honor? Why not have Bill? Because he's known Stumpy for so long. Why not have him give the main speech in the evening and praise the Stumpy? That's his porker. Good idea, Your Honor. As for the dinner of the main speaker, I... I so move. Agreed? I. I. Opposed? Carried. Herd and Fred, I'm appointing you a committee at two to make the necessary arrangements. Because we'll have to move fast to avert any action to get rid of Stumpy. Any plans you make will be okay with me, and no need to tag him. Greta Who, who's your sound chipper today, Stumpy? And why not? All week people seem to been going either way to be nice to me. Can't figure out why, but can't say a mind. Huh? You and Bill ought to get together. Maybe some of your cheer would rub off on him. Huh? Why? Oh, he was just in here. Seems to be feeling pretty low. Oh? What's the matter? Didn't say. You know how Bill is. He doesn't bother anybody with his problems, but I think it's the way people seem to be acting toward him. Have you noticed? Can't say I have. Where'd he go? I think he's gone over to Sam's for lunch. You could probably find him there. I think I will. Thanks, Henry. Stumpy Jenkins. How nice to see you. Well, hello, Mrs. Rogers. Nice day. Nicer now. There's something about your happy face that brightens the day. I didn't even know I was smiling. I don't know how Bill can do it. Huh? Oh, I know I'm not supposed to know about it, but the whole town does. No. About what? About your trouble with Bill. What are you talking about? I knew you'd be this way, but it's no good. We all know about your fight, and the awful way he's forcing you to retire from the Rangers. But you couldn't know... Oh dear, I've let the cat out of the bag, haven't I? I really must run along before I say any more. Just remember, Stumpy. We're all behind you. What's she talking about? Bill and me fight. Retire. You seem to be the only one who wants to, Stumpy. Sit down. Maybe you can explain this cold shoulder treatment I've been getting over the last couple of days. Even Sam hardly says more than to get my order. There are a couple of things that I've got puzzling me too. Maybe we could put them all together and make something out of it. Okay, shoot. Well, on the way over here just now, I ran into Mrs. Rogers. She said the strangest things about you and me fighting and making me retire from the Rangers and that the whole town was behind me in this. All I want to know is what's up. She said all that? That's right. Well, if such a thing were true, I could understand why the people of Naughty Pine would be down on me. But where would they get such an idea as that? Meets me. I can't remember having to fight with you since the ones we used to demonstrate for those life-saving courses. And as I remember, you always won. So it did! Hello, Stumpy. I thought I recognized your laugh. Oh, I didn't notice you were in here too, Bill. Shouldn't I be? Oh, nothing of the kind. But you were surprised. Like ours sitting here together was the last thing you expected. Sit down, Mayor. Stumpy and I have a few things to ask you. So, that's the whole story, Bill. Naturally, I was surprised to see you two eating and laughing together. It's unbelievable. How does a thing like that start? I am sure I can't tell you, Bill. I've told you the details just as they got to me, and I don't think I've added anything to them. Yeah, it's probably the whole thing right there. Somehow, somewhere, a comment, or something got started, and everybody added their bit. And look at the way it developed. Bill, I'm sorry to have had any part in this at all. I'll call a special meeting of the Town Council and cancel all plans for the dinner. I'll also make it very clear what I think of the whole rumor. Your Honor, if I may, I'd like to offer another suggestion. Well, whatever you say, Bill. If it's all right with you, let's go through with the dinner as planned. Go through with it? That's right. I'm sure most of Naughty Pine will turn out for it, including all the steps in the rumor. I don't know of a better way to get them all together at one time. Once you get them all together, what you gonna do? I'm supposed to be the main speaker, right? Yes, you are. Oh, I see. You can use the opportunity to set a few things straight. Exactly. That is, if Stumpy doesn't mind his testimonial dinner being used that way. Mind? I hope you'll have something for me to do in it. This is the best idea I've heard in a long time. Well, in that case, I won't say a thing to anyone. We'll all go on as though the story worked through about you, Stumpy. Fine. Thank you, Your Honor. Oh, that's all right, Bill. As a matter of fact, I'm gonna have a hard time waiting to attend this dinner. Looks like it's gonna prove to be the most unusual dinner Naughty Pine City Council has ever sponsored. Looks like everyone's about Dumbville. Maybe we should start the proceedings, huh? Whenever you say, Mayor. I'll introduce you. Folks, when it came to choosing the man best suited to tell us what Stumpy Jenkins was really like — well, there wasn't any choice at all — he spends most of his days, most of the time, most of the year and knows him. Well, almost likely for one person. Of course, I'm referring to our speaker tonight, Chief Ranger Bill Jefferson. Thank you. Ever since the Mayor and I first spoke of this evening, I've been looking forward to it with a great deal of pleasure. In trying to decide what to do with the time allotted me this evening to best present what I feel Stumpy would once said, I hit on a game that we like to play. Now, I know this is a little unusual for an after-dinner speech, but I think its meaning will become clearer as we begin to play. This is one of Stumpy's favorite games, and maybe it'll become one of yours. I wonder if I could have three or four volunteers. Come on, don't be embarrassed. Well, if Stumpy will enjoy it, I'll participate. Good. Mrs. Purdy has volunteered her services. How about two or three more? It was one of Stumpy's favorite games. Come on. Fine, fine. Now maybe one more man, and we can begin the game. What kind of a game is it? Come on up, Ed. You can help us. Okay, why not? Good. Now I believe we're all ready to play. Stumpy, do you want to tell the rules? We're playing Tell Me a Story. Two. Well, I'll tell them. A bill there has got a picture or something. Now, one of you is going to take a long look at the picture, and then we'll put it away. Then the one who's looked at the picture tells one of the others what the picture is, and that one tells the next one, and so on, until the information has been passed to the last one. Then what? Then the last one tells what he's been told, and we take a look at the picture. That's when it gets pretty good. Seems sort of senseless to me. It'll take on all kinds of meaning before we're through her. Have you got a picture there, Bill? It is. We'll all have a chance to see it later. I've had it blown up from the newspaper photograph. Suppose you all lined up the way you volunteered. That's right, Mrs. Purdy. And then the Rogers. Then you went. Good. Now on, Mrs. Purdy, and nobody else look. Well, I'm beginning to see what this is all about. I thought you would, man. Okay, Mrs. Purdy, have you seen it long enough? Well, certainly. It's a simple enough photograph. Good. Now, we'll just put it face down here on the table, and you tell Mrs. Rogers what's in the picture. Whispers so we can't hear you. Where did you get the idea, Bill? I read about it somewhere, your honor. Certainly will come in to handle it live. That's fine. Now, you tell her what you've just been told, Mrs. Rogers. Well, all right, but I don't see the point of all this. You will be surprised. Go on now. They say, Bill, how much longer does this game go on? Only until the information has been passed all the way down the line. You done? Yes. Now, Herb, you tell Ed what you've just heard, and we'll be able to check the whole thing with the original picture. Well, I guess I might just as well finish it up. Whispers now. Everybody's wondering what's on the picture, Bill. Will you tell us? I'll let Ed tell everybody first. Then we'll take a look. The picture has been explained all the way down the line. All right. Now, Ed, suppose you tell us all what the picture has on it as it's come to you. Well, as I understand it, there's this poor beat-up store in a bad neighborhood. Oh, I didn't say that. Please, Mrs. Purdy, you'll wait just a minute. Go ahead, Ed. Well, this store must have been a pawn shop. It had a lot of junk in the window. There's a cop standing by the front door telling the owner that his place has been condemned. Anything else? That's about all I remember. Can we see the picture now? I'm afraid you're all in for a surprise. Hold up the picture, Stubby. Let Fred see it, too. That's a picture of my store. That's my ad in tonight's paper. Folks, I think what happened is rather easy to see. Possibly the word bargains on the windows suggested to one of these ladies that the goods inside are less than the best. This led to the store becoming run down as the tale was passed between the others. The sailor, pictured here, looking into the window, became a police officer condemning the building. By the time the picture had been told about down through those people, it wasn't anywhere near the same picture. Now, I know Fred wouldn't like his store to be thought of as a pawn shop in a poor section of town. The other day, another story finally made its way to us at the ranger station, one that had obviously been passed through many hands. It was a story about Stumpy and me, a story about how we fought and how I was going to fire him from the rangers. Now, just as this picture changed a little at a time, so I presume did this story change a little at a time. But it ended so far removed from truth it was almost impossible for us to believe. Oh, I think that's exactly right. For the last couple of days everybody in town has been more and usually nice to me and cold to bill. We couldn't figure out why. It may seem ridiculous to make such a fuss about a few harmless rumors, but when they can split at town and even turn a couple of close friends to wonder about each other, well, I don't call that harmless. Now, folks, I can't tell you what a nice feeling it gives me to think that all of you would come out tonight to a testimonial dinner for me. But it sure puts a chill into that warm feeling to think that there are folks who would spend their time putting together a story like that one about Bill and me. Well, that pretty much is what we have to say. We don't mean to ball anybody out. We're just glad it didn't do any more harm than it did. There was a missionary in India once who used to keep three questions in front of herself all the time. Maybe we could pass them on to you. They were, is it true? Is it kind? And is it necessary? I believe anyone would approve a conversation that passed those three tests. Well, as you can see, boys and girls, sometimes people can stir up more action inside their heads than a match in a dry forest. You remember that, won't you? Well, see you next week for more adventure with... Ranger! Ranger Bill was produced in the radio studios of the Moody Bible Institute of Chicago.