 Hey everyone, welcome to my live video just at the lake district for Christmas Spend it a few days in a cottage Then head into a hotel. I've got a great topic for you today The narcissist doesn't want you to live your life, but first Let's just set the mood Okay, I Think we're ready the narcissist Doesn't want you to live your life What do I mean when I say that? Well, if you ask them, of course, they're gonna say they want you to live your life Of course, they're gonna say They want you to have the best of everything They want you to be happy, but no what they're really saying is They want you to live your life Through them through their filter or lens of seeing the world You see the problem we have when we get involved with these narcissists is That they don't even see you anyway They don't see you as your own separate person They see you as an extension of them so It's only natural that they're going to want to see You filter everything through them your Likes and interests your hobbies the people you associate with Everything has to be filtered through their ideals Because when they first met you They took a snapshot of everything. They thought you were this perfect idealized image as fantasy and Naturally they expect you to live up to that image Throughout the relationship they don't consider that Everything they saw in that one snapshot wasn't Everything that you were if anything they see it as though You were withholding things from them like other likes and interests People you associate with things that They might not approve of things that don't really interest them because they They won't tell you this and some of them aren't really completely conscious about it, but they really do just want you to Filter everything through them They want you to see the world in the way that they do you have to remember that narcissists are self-absorbed They lack empathy They could not share your experience They're only concerned with their own experience From the moment they meet you They place you in this box which is made up of their standards and expectations and Anytime you try to do your own thing In their minds you are stepping outside of that box one of the greatest threats To a narcissist false self. It's just you being you Your authenticity Just you being yourself That's one of the greatest threats to the narcissist So it's almost like when you get with them you have to make a decision between either being you choosing yourself or Being everything that they want you to be And really that's the only way that you're going to be on good terms with them you see Even though they may Chase after you And it seems like they're so desperate to be with you That's actually the greatest illusion of it all They don't want you They never even got to know you They don't want to get to know you what they want is the fantasy everything They wish That we could be Everything that we could never be and that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with us No one's perfect We can't live up to someone else's impossible standards or expectations And we shouldn't try to either because anytime that you try to do that You're losing losing your authenticity the more you try and please people the more you lose yourself You need to set the standard for yourself and that's what you need to live up to and if other people don't like it Well, that's not your problem That's not something that you should change You can make slight changes to accommodate people, but when you're making So many changes every day You're changing the way you do things Changing the way you look Changing what you eat the way you dress all of these things Over time you're raising yourself and that's what these narcissists will do. They will raise you at a core level So really you've got to hold on to your identity The narcissist doesn't want you to live your life They want you to live through their filter or their lens of seeing the world of seeing you But the more you try and do that you're never going to satisfy them anyway. They can't be satisfied You're just going to run yourself into the ground And you're going to raise everything good about yourself Thanks for the donation Martha Here's an example I've had people say on my videos like they don't like my voice Some people have said it's creepy or it sounds robotic or whatever and you know, I could have I could have agreed with them or something I could have said, okay, maybe my voice isn't that great Maybe I should use someone else's voice, but then This this channel wouldn't be what it is today You know what attracts so many people to this channel Is because it's just me being real It's like love me or hate me. This is who I am so What some people might hate Other people are going to love about you So if you start making all of these changes Then the real people Who will really love you for who you are Then they're even going to get to know you Because you've just changed everything about yourself To Please this insatiable person There's always going to be people who love things about you And there's always going to be people who Don't like things about you What people love about you? Other people might find it really irritating Just like some of the music I use in my videos Some people have said that they hate the music But then as I said earlier It's okay to make changes sometimes You can change things sometimes if if you look at it yourself and you think Okay, maybe that could be a good idea and that's why I did do other videos as well The narc survivor raw videos without music because I personally thought That it could be a good idea And those videos do get a lot of views. They have helped a lot of people So sometimes People's criticism can be good It can be helpful It can be good to take on other people's opinions sometimes But not all the time you have to remember This is your life. This is you You have your own mind You have your own thoughts feelings and ideas That you have been gifted with By god And you should never Let anyone take those gifts away from you Because once people take that You're as good as dead Just look at any narcissist They abandoned who they really were and created the false self And then everything authentic about them Everything that people could have loved Everything that would have drawn people to them and given them the attention that they crave so bad They threw all of that away Because they thought that who they really were wasn't good enough When it's not that who they really were wasn't good enough It's just that they needed to work on themselves Just because something isn't working It doesn't mean that you have to throw it away But narcissists don't understand that But of course they're never going to tell you that you just have to Learn from what they've done wrong Narcissists can be the greatest teachers It's almost like everything they do just do the opposite Anyway, I really wanted to put this message out there How narcissists don't want you to live your life But how we should celebrate What makes us different and unique Celebrate our authenticity As I said, I'm just out here At the lake district Just here for a week of a Christmas At a cottage and head into a hotel soon It's a barn conversion Used to be an old barn Yeah, it's good sometimes, you know, just to Take some time out Get away from the busy cities and Just be out in nature One of the most healing things we can do Is just to go for a walk in nature I was just working on a video this morning Just sitting here, I recorded it Hopefully It'll be ready for tomorrow evening I've got another one of these on the way soon Which should be a bit quicker And in 4k Which will really help with making the videos And this is the microphone I usually use Is the Blue Yeti What do you think of the sound quality Of my recent videos? I've adjusted some of the controls on there to try and improve it I was thinking of maybe upgrading the microphone but I think the sound quality is okay So unless any of you think it could be improved Everyone's saying it's great That's good to hear Yeah, I'm really happy, you know, the way this channel is coming along I'm so proud of it I feel like this is definitely One of my greatest accomplishments in life And of course it's not all about me It's about changing lives Putting this message out there Helping people We help each other And I don't know if I believe in karma Or is it the law of cause and effect But whatever it is I know that when I do this When I make these videos And I help people It makes me feel so much happier as well It makes me feel so much at peace with myself It's just a great feeling, you know It's really the greatest feeling in the world To know that I'm making a difference Just to know that there's people out there Who are just like I used to be Like when I had no confidence I didn't believe in myself Like everyone always told me, you know, I'll never be anything I was always told like I'm just a loser and And it just means so much, you know, that you all believe in me It makes me believe in myself It makes me believe, you know, maybe I can achieve great things And then people come to me and You know, it seems like They're lacking the confidence And I'm just thinking to myself You know, if they knew my story And everything I had to go through Really, if I can If I can make it this far anyone can But then that's the thing, you know, I didn't do it on my own I had all of your support I don't know if I could have done it without you Like building this channel The website Getting this message out there We all achieved this together And soon we're going to be at 100,000 subscribers But I'm not all about talking about narcissists as well I'm sure many of you know I've got another channel now Spiritual Secrets You can find the link to it on my community page Because I think at some point we all need to move on Past the narcissism I mean, it's good to keep checking on the videos I mean, because even if you have left a relationship Or toxic family members There's always the chance that you could run into more in the future So it's definitely good to be aware of this information But then you don't want to spend all day every day Watching narcissists videos It's good to reserve like Maybe 30 minutes or an hour a day But you don't want it to take over your life But then at the same time, I know people enjoy watching my videos And that's why I decided to create the new channel, Spiritual Secrets It's about spirituality, healing and self-development Raising our vibrations I think that's starting to become my new mission now It's just to raise the vibes And, you know, life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured It's supposed to be fun I really believe that we came here to have fun To experience the physical Life is too short to be around narcissists And to be miserable And just constantly hoping that things are going to improve Life's too short for that So yeah, check out the other channel, Spiritual Secrets There's quite a few videos on there already And there will be more soon And also the new website www.narcsurviver.co.uk You can read my blog posts on there I think there's over 150 now And you can also book coaching sessions And you can join the support forum as well I think it'd be really good for us to Start growing the community now On the support forum on the website So please do check out the website And join the forum And then we can all share our experiences together I think it's good for us to stay in touch And we can get to know each other more So do check out the website It's www.narcsurviver.co.uk Anyway, that's all for this video Thank you for joining me And I hope you all have a good day or evening Depending on where you are