 Schlitz, the beer that's made Milwaukee famous, presents the Halls of Ivy, starring Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman. We need a Coleman. Inviting you to join us again on the campus of Ivy College as the guests of our sponsors, the Brewers of Schlitz Beer. The taste of Schlitz, the taste so many people prefer, has made Schlitz Beer first in sales in the U.S.A. The newest millions of people are doing all over the nation. Ask for Schlitz, the most popular beer in history. Welcome again to Ivy, Ivy College that is in the town of Ivy, U.S.A. On almost any campus, Saturday morning is an occasion for late-rising eager preparations for various forms of violent relaxation and a sort of escapes from academic confinement. Dr. William Todd Hunter Hall, president of Ivy, also appreciates the boundless promise of the day. What even more, he appreciates his beautiful wife, Victoria, to whom he's saying, A fine Victorian hand has been at work this morning, my sweet. What is it? I have just been in my study, prepared to straighten out innumerable small confusions and I find that everything is dreadfully in order. I shall be weeks recovering that chaos, which I always hope gives visitors the proper impression of midnight oil squandered and toil unremitting. Was I wrong to do it? It looked as though the wires had broken on a bale of waste paper. Yes, I know. It must be rather frustrating for a conscientious homebody to have a husband who conducts his official affairs with the happy abandon of a mouse in a waste basket. What does that make me, a mouse-wife? A mouse-wife, very charming. But would you prefer to have a husband with a neat study and a disorderly mind, or one with an orderly mind, and a study which looks as though it were swept out each evening by an ill-tempered man on a bulldozer? I'll settle for the neat fellow with the ill-tempered mouse. Now, shall I go back in and nasty up the kindness? No, no, no. Yes, thank you, thank you. But may I ask what brought on this outburst of domestic order? It's Saturday. Oh, it's Saturday. Is that an explanation or just a flat, irrelevant statement? Quite very logical. Saturdays I saw the laundry. Oh, of course, yes. Now, let me see, mental association, clean sheets, sheets of paper, ergo, clean study. Of course, darling, the logic is inescapable. Oh, that's your logic, not mine. Well, what's yours, starting with, this is Saturday. Well, very well. Now, this is Saturday. Saturday I saw the laundry, and Mr. Jessup, who delivers the laundry, always reminds me of the little man we ask to take our picture on London Bridge. London Bridge. No, please proceed, I am fascinated by your mental processes. Well, it follows quite naturally. I was reminded of that picture, and all of a sudden I wanted to look at it again. And I knew you had it someplace in your study, so I went to look for it. And I bumped into your chessboard and knocked off some of the pieces. And I felt so guilty, I thought I'd make up for it by spacing out your study, you see? It is. It is for the simple chain of events easily followed by anyone, particularly the seventh son of the seventh son born with a call proficient with the Ouija board and gifted with second sight. Anyway, I do thank you. As Ben Franklin said in his poor Richard, if you want a neat wife, choose her on a Saturday. You may have chosen me on a Saturday, dear, but you proposed on a win. Well, the sight of you having always made me deliriously weak in the middle, it was only logical that I should take such a delirious step in the middle of the week. And now, a brief farewell, my love. Farewell? Are you running away and joining the gypsy just because your study is neat? No, no, no. I have some matters to clear up at the administration office. Oh. It was the wellman called telling me I have left for Upper Rhodesia with my butterfly net. To look for the rare scissorances for Culey Arena. Are you expecting Mr. Wellman to call? No, but that's when he always does call. He is a living inadvertent, alert for the unpropitious. Well, I'll tell him you said so if I can remember it, which I doubt. Now, come on, I'll go to the door with you and pick up the mail, huh? Ah, what a crisp, lovely day. You sure you don't want to change your mind and stay home, Toddy? That new two-volume Thomas Jefferson you ordered came yesterday. No, no, no. Don't tempt me, my sweet. Look at them, Vicki. The Harriers of the cross-country team. Nothing more graceful than a foot runner who has hit his stride. Well, I must like what they're doing. I can't imagine any other reason for running down the street near Undy's in the middle of winter. No, they look like huge. It is for a press-while-you-wait shop. Coach Simmons seems to think we have a good chance against Bradford next month. Thanks to Bruce Dillon. Dillon? Oh, isn't he the long-distance man? Just distance, darling. Oh. The long-distance is usually a woman. Oh. Well, then you rate Bruce Dillon as the best two-miler Ivy's ever had. Oh, look at that poor little perisher. They've left him way behind. No, dear, the others moved ahead. That's Wally. Love it. Oh, I know him. Don't they call him Tagalong? Yes, but he makes up in eagerness and perseverance what he lacks in ability. Hello there, Wally. Morning, Dr. Hall. Hello, Mrs. Hall. Well, we didn't mean you to stop, Wally. Aren't you being timed or something? Five minutes won't make much difference one way or the other. They don't use a stopwatch on me. Just an hourglass full of wet sand. I haven't got my stride yet. And then my breath's a little short. It'll get better when you catch your second wind, Wally. That's what the coach is always telling me. But I'm still working on my first wind. Does that sound right to you? Sounds like a fan belt broken. Could you tell what is your first or second wind? I wouldn't know. I never had a second wind. But they come in your arms and legs and you don't know your breathing and you don't feel anything and don't care. Then you've got your second wind. Or else you're dead. Wally, tell me, if running is as painful for you as it sounds, why do you do it? I like it. No further questions. Of course, I'd like it a whole lot better if I could come in some place before last. Just once. Well, if determination and faithful practice have anything to do with it, I'm sure you'll have your reward, Wally. Well, it's essential. I'm not going to get any better just taunting about it. Besides, I guess I'd given the other folks enough of a head start joke. And away I go. Bye. Oh, he reminds me of a rag dolly. He doesn't rally just flap. Is he really going to try and catch up with the other boys? Try, yes, but he won't and he knows he won't. But that isn't what's most important to him right now. He's still looking for his second wind. And when he's found that Vicki, he's won his first prize. Morning. Wonderful and worked up a tremendous appetite. What do we have for lunch? Mr. Wellman, I'm afraid. Oh, how are we having him? Sotate or scalloped? Well, he was scorched when he arrived, and by now I think he's burned to a crisp. But he's brought the track coat with him. I'm waiting, Dr. Hall. In fact, I've been waiting. Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Wellman. I must mention the fact that Coach Simmons has been waiting also. Hello, Mr. Simmons. How are you, Dr. Hall? Oh, I'm fine. I'm sick. Sick of de-emphasis. It's all you hear. De-emphasis here. De-emphasis there. What's the matter with emphasis? I think Mr. Wellman that perhaps... You told me what you think, Simmons, that Dr. Hall told everybody what he thinks, and nobody's thinking about the boys. One minute we tell him, Go, get him. Speed him. Next we tell him, No, no. Stop. Well, I say go. And may the best man win. Well... Well, I agree with you, Mr. Wellman. Oh, no, you don't. All this... There's about too much emphasis on athletics. What are we? That is, I mean, weasel words. Look what it's done. We're not cheering our boys on. We're discouraging them. But, Mr. Wellman, I saw a whole flock of boys out running this morning, and they didn't look discouraged. Unless you're speaking of while he loved it, and he was only trying to get his second win. Love it. Ha! And that's another thing, Simmons. You keep a dead head like Glover than the team, and let Dylan go. I can't do anything about love at Mr. Wellman. I know he's lousy, but I like him. And he likes to run. But what's his about Bruce Dylan? It's a disgrace. That's all a disgrace. Dr. Hall, I wouldn't have come to you about Dylan, but Mr. Wellman insisted. Suggested, Simmons. Suggested. Well, yes. Suggested on an or else basis. You see, Dylan has dropped off the track team, Dr. Hall. Well, that is bad news. Did he give you any reason, Coach? Oh, yes. Yes. And one I never thought I'd live to hear. He feels that he's been wasting precious time that he came to Ivy to study. Studying, all right. He's out to make straight A's or busts. Ha-ha! Why do you like that, Dr. Hall? If I didn't like the idea of a student trying to make good grades, Mr. Wellman, I'd have to resign my position. I must admit that it's good to hear of a runner who wants to tow the marks classically. Well, perhaps the real significance of this is escape, you, Dr. Hall, a very fine athlete. And since so de-emphasized, he's turned into nothing for a student! Boy, you make him sound utterly depraved. I couldn't say that, Mrs. Hall. Well, you implied that, Mr. Wellman, but perhaps we misunderstood you. My compliments, Dr. Hall, for admitting the possibility. If I haven't made myself clear, then I don't understand myself. And if I don't, why don't I? Because I put the interests of Ivy before myself. And if you and Simmons can't see what's happening right under your... That's all I have to say! Look, Dr. Hall, our coach can push your boy a little now and then, but he's got to know when to stop or he'll just shove him on his face. If Dylan doesn't want to run, I don't want him. No matter how good he is, if he feels that way, he's still no good to me. Maybe not to you, Simmons, but don't stand there and tell me Bruce Dylan isn't good for us. Now, he isn't the best man we've ever... that he has the chance. I mean, he might even go to the cell Hinky for the Olympic Games. Well, Hinky, that is. No, I mean, hell-thinking. Mr. Wareman, Dylan has made his decision, and I believe that each individual student must determine for himself his reason for being here. This is not a question of de-emphasizing anything. It's simply a matter of placing the emphasis where it properly belongs. Well, I don't belong here, Dr. Hall. Obviously, I'm a minority in this matter, but thank goodness I'm a minority with the majority on my side. Good luck. I must admit that one thing I admire about Mr. Wellman, he always raises his colors in defeat. He makes a history retreat sound like a rousing victory. Well, I want to thank you, Coach, for your enlightened attitude. Well, Dr. Hall, I want to win, but that's not all I want. Maybe that's why I'm coaching at a small college and loving it. Thank you both for your patience. Bye. Goodbye, Mr. Simmons. Simmons, by first year he gets a really hot prospect, and look what happens. Bruce Dylan comes down with a case of athlete's brain. Well, athlete's brain is a disease unlikely to reach epidemic proportions. Some students are bound to take scholastic honors, and some are bound to earn marks for strength and agility. But it's a rare thing to find the honor bound and the muscle bound in the same package. The head of Ivy's chemistry department the other day, Doc was correcting mid-quarter examination papers, and I interrupted him just as I heard. Oh, Doc, is something wrong? Oh, it's you, Carpenter. There's nothing wrong. I'm really exercising your professor's right to groan at the answers I get to my exam questions. Oh, what particular answer had you on the ropes as I came in? Question four, part two of our reasoned chemistry one exam, the reason I quote, described the composition of coal. That's a good question. What's wrong with it? Of course it's a good question. The only thing wrong about it is the fanciest. And again, I quote, coal is composed of big chunks and little chunks and coal dust. Well, isn't it? Oh, Carpenter, everyone except you and my students know that coal is a carboniferous specification of vigs for lactic acid. Oh, sure, sure. I know, Doc, but who cares? You say who cares? To me? Judas Charles Bateman, the head of the Ivy Chemistry Clinic. Oh, look, Doc, I'll explain. For example, you take Schlitz beer. Beer lovers know that it's brewed from select barley and hops and yeast and other fine ingredients. But what they really care about is how Schlitz beer tastes. And let me tell you, Doc... Just a minute, Carpenter, let me tell you the trouble. Schlitz beer tastes so good with beer and a medicap. Is that what you were going to tell me? That's right, Doc. How'd you know? That's Carpenter. I've heard you before. Don't ask me why I listen. I just do. Man, I have to have some weaknesses. And besides, I like Schlitz beer. Ah, good for you, Doc. Oh, yes. Let's take a ten-minute break and take it big. You know where we can find a couple of bottles of Schlitz beer by? Doc, I just might. You're away right now. In the early afternoon, Dr. Hall is in his study. As a matter of fact, he's in a Brown study when his wife Victoria enters. Why, Charlie, I didn't know you were still here. I thought you'd gone. It's like delay, Vicki. Mr. Wellman's secretary called to say that Clarence would be coming over at 2.30 and he didn't want to miss me. I hope you're told her that you wouldn't miss him. Yes, well, he's your daughter. Good to me, my dear. She should be personally delivered, not through the secretary. Well, would you, dear, bad man, at your own effort? What are you looking at? Oh, nothing. Just an old scrapbook. Well, let me see. Oh, Charlie, look at you in your underwear. Vicki, that is a tracksuit. Oh. I was somewhat of a dash man, you know. Oh, you're still dashing to me, darling. But didn't your knees ever get cold? Well, when one runs the hundred-yard dash in approximately ten seconds flat, one is totally oblivious to the weather. Of course, I use the word approximately loosely. The truth is that my best time was ten and two-fifths seconds, and that was considered quite good in those days. Well, what are you doing back in those days at this particular moment? Why the research? I was checking on some track records. Before I started working myself down to a mortal in nostalgia over my undergraduate athletic triumph, I was trying to find out when we last defeated Bradford, in fact. I found out it was a long time ago. You really did have high hopes of winning this year, didn't you, darling? Well, I... Yes, of course I did, Vicki. Until Bruce Dylan dashed them. Oh, mind you, I have nothing but admiration for that boy. How many times do you find a young man who is such a brilliant athlete? Well, who can win so many honors who can make such a courageous decision to give them up? After all, it's not often that you... and mind you, I wouldn't confess this to anyone but you, Vicki. But I wonder, was it really necessary for him to take such a drastic step? Well, you think you could maybe talk to him and change his mind? Yes, I could talk to him and... No, no, Vicki, how can I? How could I, as the president of the university, go to a student and suggest that he is over-emphasizing his studies? Yeah, I can see where that might confuse him slightly. But why couldn't you suggest that perhaps he might more wisely distribute his time and energies? You mean, let's say, about two hours in the library to an hour on the field? Yes. Yes, that's not a bad idea, Vicki. I could... No, no, I couldn't. After all, he's crossed his Rubicon and I can only commend him for it. Besides, you know you can be very persuasive, darling, if you wouldn't want to influence him, would you? Oh, no! Nope, the issue is closed. Nothing to do, but forget it. Of course, this was just the moment of weakness, Vicki, you know. I could only indulge in the privacy of my own home. Thanks for your understanding. It isn't going to be private any longer. Almost the first, if not the only, virtue you'll notice in Mr. Wellman is that he's always punctual. Dr. Hall of his second in this space, thank you. Dr. Hall. Oh, hello, Mr. Wellman. Good afternoon, Mr. Wellman. You sound tired. Aren't you feeling well? Yes, it's not me that's sick. Dr. Hall, I know there are times when I seem to lose control of myself and begin to serve, I think, which everybody knows you do with the greatest of energy and vigor, Mr. Wellman. Yes, and sometimes I may raise my voice and become, well, you can't change human nature. But, Mr. Wellman, you've changed. I'll hardly recognize you. Thank you, Mrs. Hall. But it's too late. Well, good heavens, what's happened? It was just a matter of a few days before he would have to change his mind, and he never had any doubt of it. But he would never, for one minute, did I believe that Bruce Dillon would stick to that ridiculous, that insane nonsense of his. Has he changed his mind, Mr. Wellman? He's sick, Dr. Hall. Dillon is in the infirmary. Oh, I'm sorry. What's the matter with him? He itches day and night. They examine him thoroughly, and they can't find anything. He just itches. Well, well, Mr. Wellman, he was bound to happen. A nervous breakdown, a fish out of water, a shoemaker should stick to his last, a grind to the millstone. There's no... You were only thinking about academic standards. Simmons wasn't thinking at all, but I was all the time. I was thinking about the boy. But, Mr. Wellman, what is it, Dr. Hall? Mr. Wellman, you've started me thinking that perhaps your news may turn out to be good news. Good news? Our best crack man in the hospital? That's good news? What? Like Dr. Hall of all the inhuman, not the heartless of the cold-blooded. Well, Dr. Hall, all I can say is that with what you're thinking, I hope you can sleep tonight. Goodbye. I recognize him. That was Mr. Wellman. And he was right. I was thinking about academic standards. It made me realize that now I have to go and speak to Bruce Dillon. Come on, Vicki. I have a president and his wife come to see me, but Dr. Hall, I didn't know I was that sick. Fortunately, you're not really thick, Bruce. Now, could taste him as assured as that your condition is only temporary. And besides, Dr. Hall and I don't limit our sick cause, only to those who are extremists. Uh, has your itching stopped? It comes on me in waves, Mrs. Hall, but I'll try not to scratch while you're here. Oh, don't mind me, as the old saying goes, scratch where ditches, not where it looks the best. Then that will, uh, help subside, Bruce. Not likely to last the legendary seven years. Uh, but you're just upset emotionally as well as physically. It takes time for your system to become accommodated to such an abrupt change of pace. I guess I did stop track too quick. Oh, yes, yes, indeed. You might easily have. I suppose I'll have to go back out and get some exercise. Good, good. Yeah. I have an hour and then in the gym ought to take care of me, don't you think, Dr. Hall? In the gym? Uh, yes, yes. Oh, well, perhaps half an hour running someplace. Yeah. I mustn't give it up to her abruptly. Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no, if I did that, I'd end up on the track team again right back with the same old problem. Oh, dear. See, I finally woke up and realized that I've been wasting my time for the past two years. Well, I hadn't heard that you were paling any of your courses, Bruce. Oh, I'm getting by, but at the rate I've been going, I'd be honored. That's why I decided to knuckle down and quit spending so much time on something that doesn't mean anything. After all, when you go to college... Hey, Bruce, I brought you the books, yes. Oh, excuse me. Hello, Dr. Hall. Hello, Wally. Wally, what, no tracksuit? Well, I just got a class, Mrs. Hall. I'm on my way to the lockers now. You don't have to explain to me, Wally, just so I know you haven't thrown in the towel. Oh, no, not me, not now. Wait till you hear what's happened. Oh, congratulations, Wally. I know you'll do splendidly in the long run. In the long run. Thank you, my boy. Well, you see, Dr. Hall, the coach figured it this way. If I finish it all, it'll count for a point. Now, the fellows put it another way. They said there's always the happy possibility that one of the Bradford guys will drop dead. And there's also the chance that you'd stumble over the body there by ruining your own chances. So let's hope that your triumphs will be over live, runners. Well, I might surprise them if I ever get my stride. It's getting a little monotonous coming in last. I hardly know the rest of the team when I meet him face to face. Well, there's one consolation, Wally. I've noticed that the last man often gets more applause than the winner. That's the story of my life, Dr. Hall. All the other fellows laugh me. And a half hour later, it'll come as Wally rear garden to give me a fix here. And all I want is just one teeny little silver cup. Listen, Wally, I've told you what's wrong. You're pressing too hard. Look, who's talking? Who's ditching? Who's you're getting mental about? And it brings me to rub now. Well, I gotta get out and practice. I'll see you. Bye, Dr. Hall. Bye, Wally. You know, Wally's my roommate, but I sure don't understand him. I don't think he's ever gonna win anything, knocking himself out, and for what? Or for the reason that people have been playing games since the beginning of time, Bruce, to take part in something. To try to win, yes, but most importantly to take part in a contest of some kind. And it doesn't matter whether it's a potato race at a picnic or the Olympic Games. I was fortunate enough to attend the 1932 Olympics in Los Angeles. Little Japanese girl ran in the hurdle race. At the gun, she was left on her mark. Then she crashed into the first hurdle and took a bad fall. She picked herself up, ran and hit the next hurdle, and fell on her face again. She hit every hurdle on the course. But she got up again and again. And she finished with tears streaming down her face. And down the faces of almost 100,000 people in the stands. We all recognized that the courage would finish a course strewn with failure that won a phantom ribbon to wear on her spirit. You've made your point, Dr. Hall. I guess I'm just dumb. The Wallet's got more brains than I have. He isn't over-emphasizing over-emphasizing. Well, you're not necessarily done, Bruce. You both make good grades, and you both love to run. The only difference is that while Wallet hasn't got his stride yet, he's never lost his balance. And despite shoes or philosophy, if you keep a sense of proportion, you're running on the right track. Powering Mr. versus Ronald Colvin has been presented by Schlitz, the beer that made Milwaukee famous. The taste of Schlitz. The taste so many people prefer has made Schlitz beer first in sales in the USA. Why don't you two enjoy the most popular beer in history? Next time, every time, ask for Schlitz beer. And now, here again, our Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Colvin. Thank you, Ken. Ladies and gentlemen, one of our characters tonight was a boy who ran without any hope of winning. He ran because he liked to run. Most healthy boys do. Last year in America, there were an estimated 28,500 cases of polio. Boys and girls, men and women who were taken out of the running by this crippling disease. Four out of five of these cases are financed, at least in part, by the National Foundation for Infant Arporealysis, the Mark of Dime. But polio is creeping ahead of the available funds. So please make as generous a donation as you can. Yours is the power to line with silver the dark clouds which threaten our children and our neighbors. Thank you. Good night. Good night from all of us. The names of Hollywood and Broadway. See your newspaper for time and channel. Ken Carpenter speaking. Now, just for laughs, join the Great Gelder Sleeve on NBC.