 So that's gonna have worked out. Ladies and gentlemen, let me see. Can y'all hear me okay? I'm uh, using the software, using the streaming software this time. Y'all remember last time they was, they were shutting us off on here last time, last time. I'm on my strongest Wi-Fi. Is the screen, is, am I up to date on the screen? Yeah, somebody on or that's my side of your side. Anzell says blurry. Is you an American Anzell? Yeah, that might just be my camera right there. I might say why blurry. It could be that camera or it just could be this here software. Now let's see now if I switch. So natural sister says clear on her and it's a brand new computer though. So it should be clear, but you just you don't never know how it's going through. She'll say clear on her and some now some of y'all says fuzzy. Some of y'all say it's clear. So Marquita saw the IG. God bless you Marquita. Marquita be Marquita and her husband really be supporting. And you know I got to give a shout out to Marquita husband because I don't even be that confident and that strong as a man. And I just want to commend that brother and say man just keep being who you are. Keep walking that upright walk. Keep being strong, positive, secure. I know none of us perfect and we have our ways and we have our ups and downs, but Marquita got a real good husband because you know it's not a lot of men that will be confident enough to let their wife listen to another man you know talk his head off. And I really really appreciate that and respect that. And now it do look fuzzy on my end too, but honestly I don't know it could just be the transmission. I'm afraid to switch to my other inner neck. My son showed me before how it worked, which one is stronger, but it just connected to this internet versus the other one. Let me see. I was on live on what you call it on Instagram earlier and did me a little live Instagram and I talked the hour and 20 minutes. So I was decompressing, getting a little rest in. But then I say, let me come on on here on YouTube and do a little talking. We kind of have that talk because not everybody have Instagram. If you got Instagram, I'm on there. And let me see some here. Now this cut off y'all. I'm gonna try to get right back on, but I'm gonna see if it worked. Let me see. Let's see. That one work. Let's see if this Wi-Fi work. Yeah, cut off. But can y'all hear me? What I was trying to do is switch my Wi-Fi. So it's okay. So I'm trying to switch to my other Wi-Fi. Try to see because we got the one Wi-Fi, but then you got the Wi-Fi routers and my son stream on one. They play fortnight and stream on one. And then the other one is a new member. Now in order to send a message, you got to be able to, you got to be a member to send a message on here. Joy say she changed the resolution. Now it's clear. And I feel like some phones may change the resolution to the save battery. If you're thinking low battery mode or low data mode. But what I was talking about on Instagram, which we're gonna, I want to talk about on here. Now let me see. I'm gonna put this in the chat. And this is if you camera ready. If you camera ready now and you in a quiet environment in your house in your room and you want to come on the camera later to share your, you know, input blessed tribe members now, not random people got to be in the blessed tribe. But I was on, I was on Instagram early and I was talking about a post that I saw yesterday and it was discussing, it was a young lady and she posted, you know, why are black women raised to just focus on their books and not marriage. But white women are raised to get married like white women get married fresh out of college. And I thought about that and I realized that I'm raising two boys and I understand and see that as black men, we're not being raised to marry. And a lot of times it's a two parent, I'm in a single parent home and then in a two parent home, it's still a lot of issues that's going on. And so as black men, we're not being raised to marry. So therefore, if we're not being raised to marry, black women are not going to be raised to marry. And black women are going to be told a focus on your school, get your grades, get a degree, get a job because a man cannot be dependent on. And that all comes from somewhere. And a lot of times we don't think about where that comes from. And that's something for us to address in today's time and make sure that we are not repeating the cycle and make sure that we're changing that narrative and that we're raising our young men to get married. And the thing about it is, is we're seeing examples too of, you know, men get divorces and go get another wife. We're seeing examples of men remain single well into their 30s, some into their 40s. We're seeing men gain success and not being married. And then we're seeing a lot of men choose women of other races instead of choosing a black woman. So therefore, when you choose someone of another race, then of course you have biracial kids and then that is a new dynamic. And not to say that it's a bad thing, but it's a reality. And I've been noticing, I was looking at the men, the NBA draft, I was looking at the NBA draft and the young men I saw who showed the girlfriend, they, you know, the girlfriend's white. And I really didn't see a draft pick or when I went online, I didn't see a draft pick a black boy with a black girl. And that stood out to me, you know, that said something to me. It's kind of, you know, interesting to see how as young men, you know, we're raising our boys are raised to be tough, especially black boys, to be tough, to have an edge and to be dangerous and not raised to be gentle and to be kind and to be loving and not talk how to, we're not taught how to love a woman, how to court a woman. We're not taught those things and but we're taught how to survive in the world and how to make it. And then when we get a girlfriend, we oftentimes talk how to manipulate, how to mislead, how to lie. And then a lot of times that is enabled, that's reinforced by our mother and our father and or and we're able to juggle women and use women at our disposal. And we're not taught to treat a woman like a queen. And it's all just stemming from pain, you know, so the father, if he doesn't have a real relationship with a woman in a way that he's honest, he's faithful, then he's not going to teach his son that. And then if the mother is not in love and just like, you know, swooning over her husband, then she's not going to also think to teach her son that. And if she's in pain, then she expects his girlfriend to be in pain. If she's putting up with infidelity, if she's putting up with lies, then she expects her son's girlfriend to do the same. Because in her mind, she's like, how are you as the girlfriend going to be treated better than I'm treated as his mama. And the man is like, why am I going to teach you to be better than I am to then to your mom? Like, how can I do that? You know, you almost feel he would feel like a hypocrite. And I had to teach my son, you know, be better than me. Like son, this is where I'm weak at. This is where I'm growing at. You know, don't be this man. Don't be like this. You know, let me show you how to do it the right way as I grow, as I change, as I learn. And one of the things I've been guilty of is telling my oldest son that you can't have no girlfriend to you out to you 18 to you 22. And I realized that that's a mistake because they're going to if they're going to date, if they want to date, they'll just sneak and do it. They're going to do what they want to do. So it's better to prepare them to try to shield them from it, to try to force them not to do it, it's better to teach them how to do it the right way, how to go about it, than to try to force them to do things the way you would do it instead of preparing them. And it's, you know, it's very real idea. Now, can y'all see each other comments or can you only see it if I put it on the screen? And I've seen that a lot too. Now, I did see that. Now, that is a lot of draft picks by racial. And um, okay, y'all see it in chat. I've seen that that a lot of draft picks is by racial and that just go to show you to that. Now for one, you know, the NBA is heavy tied in with ESPN ESPN heavy tied in with Disney, Disney always got narratives. And one thing I've learned about with the NBA is they will take, they try to make a family friendly game. And there's so many guys that's getting so many tattoos that look like, you know, sometimes you watch a game, it could look like an ex con league, you know, with just so many tattoos. And we relate tattoos to prisoners and gang members. And so what they're trying to do as well is teams trying that they're looking for players who look a little more family friendly. And you'll see a really, really good player get overlooked because unless he just dominant. And so that's the thing too. But what we're seeing out here is it's a lot going on when it comes down to how we raise in our kids and what is happening in the relationship space. And if you look at the different races and you look at our presence online, you see a lot of black on black crime online, meaning black men versus black women. And it's a whole bunch of that. And it's just going back and back and forth to each other bickering and oh, you got disadvantaged, you got disadvantaged, or you think this and you think that you expect this, you expect that. And then when you look at other races, you see, they focus it on something totally different. They making content on money, they making content on other stuff, like, unselfish like on TV. But with black people, we got whole channels and we got whole podcast that's discussing relationships. And everybody sitting on the couch, the eight at the table or the eight on the couch or whoever, nobody know what they're talking about. Everybody married. Ain't nobody happy. Everybody speaking from pain. Everybody speaking from pain. Everybody speaking from a place of their own ignorance. But yet it's reaching millions of people. And then when we look at the other races, they're not sitting around having these detrimental derogatory degrading conversations about their relationships. But instead, they're marrying and they're getting stronger and they build in a household. And, you know, we got to look at that. And then we have to look at how we raise in our children and what we tell in our children. And those messages is then showing up in the real, real world. And I was the other day yesterday I was at picking up food. And it really hit me when I saw this young white guy who looked like between really, I think he was 16 or 17. And he pulled up and he got out of the car. And he went over to the other side of the car and he opened the door for his girlfriend. So it was like, she knew to wait in the car until he come open the door. Or he told her, hold on, come get your door. And she sat in the car, he went around and come open her door. Now, I've done that a handful of times and I've never really seen a lot of black guys do that. But I see some white guys do that. And what to see this guy being a high schooler do this. And then to see them out on a Saturday evening, going out to pick up to go full from the Chinese restaurant and just be by themselves and like just own a little date, like a little married couple. And then to be holding hand and walking down the sidewalk. And at the end of the sidewalk, this young white man, this young white lady, they were slow dancing. They slow dancing and he twirling around. And then they walk back holding hands and they standing there and they talking and playing and kicking. And when I got out to walk in, I heard, you know, they was holding hands and, you know, playing around and he doing voice impressions from like a movie, like they had an inside joke. And just having an amazing time for one, it inspired me to treat my wife better, to be more loving and caring and to be more chivalrous. It inspired me. But at the same time, it also sent a message to it. It sent a message because I'm like this young white boy could be 16 years old and he's already been taught how to treat a lady. He's already been taught when you get out of the car, you go open her door. He's already been taught to have her enthralled in his love, in his presence and to just wash her with love. Whereas with us, we have to be raised to be dangerous. We got to be raised to have an edge. So we more cool, we more, we posturing, we got to go get all the tattoos. We got to, you know, get the hair that's going to look intimidating, get the tattoo that's going to look intimidating. And we being raised to be tough. And we being raised to go into the world and to fend for yourself and to defend yourself, but not from confidence, but from fear. So we being raised as young men to go out into the world and be fearful of the government, fearful of the white man, fearful of the police, fearful of the A-Route, fearful of the Persian, fearful of the Hispanic. And to be standoffish and to sneak around to touch their women, sleep with their women, take their women or conquer their women, but not really move with confidence and strength, but instead move with fear and caution, which then also in turn brings about insecurity. So now here we are, we're raised to be fearful, you know, as black men. And we operate from a state of fear. And then we become adults and we say, oh, why are black women marrying at such a low rate or not as much as white women? And it's because we're not as black men and when we're not raised to be married, we raise the fin for ourselves, we raise to fight against each other. And it's on us to start to spread these new messages and change the way we raise our sons and daughters and let them know it's okay to connect. And this is how you do it. It's okay to build. It's okay to love. It's okay to want love. It's okay to be in love. It's okay to cultivate love. But this is how you go about it. This is the place you put it in. Like this is what you do. So you don't neglect your studies. You don't compromise your studies, but you find balance between your social life and your school life. And this is how you move and operate, instead of it being one or the other. Instead of it just being, no, you can't have no kind of relations. You only could do schoolwork. And I see that so often. And then we get the result and then we don't like the result. And we look up and, you know, this black woman is a doctor. This black woman is a lawyer. This black woman is a school teacher. The black woman is this. And then she's 40 years old and she's not married. And she's been taught to shun men. And then the men have been taught to kind of compete with her. And this is something that only we could change now. But once you recognize it, like they say, when you know better, you got to do better. So now we come to this place to where we see the division. And as you have heard divided, we fall. Together we stand. And so when we think about these things that people throw out and they say, oh, well, the black people are the net worth of black people is this right here. And black people worth this and an average income for a black man is this. And all these different statistics we hear, we have to then start to address that and say, one of the main reasons is that of that is because we're not coming together and we're not being married. We're not getting married and putting two incomes together. Or it may be one income, but that one income has moral and emotional and spiritual and physical and mental support of the other partner. So that then you still strong, you still a force. Instead is black men pursuing wealth individually, black women pursuing wealth individually. And then the two sitting down on a speed date, on a slow date, on a dating app, and then throwing accolades and success in each other face. Whereas when you look at other races, they putting that stuff behind them, and they coming together and say, look, we better together. It don't, it don't mean it's perfect now. It don't mean that the Hispanic man or the Indian man or the white man is a perfect husband. It don't mean they perfect lovers. Like we don't get to see they behind the scenes. We don't get the but they in the household together. And they raising their kids seeing a two parent household and they getting over their differences. They getting over those differences. I remember hiring a CPA and the CPA was an Indian guy, you know, from India, not like not Native American. And in the Indian guy, we talking about expenses and all of that. And he's like, you know, do you know, my monthly groceries in my house is like 200 a month. I say, hi, hi, y'all eating on $200 a month. I'm eating not $200 a week. I eat on $200 a month. He's like, because we buy, you know, we got the curry, we got the curry powder, we got the naan, which is bread. We got the doll. We got the rice. And we got the, we got the peas or the beans. And he's like, that's how we eat. So he was like, that stuff is not expensive. And we buy it in bulk. And then if we get some chicken, we get some little chicken. Now we got the curry chicken with the naan and the rice. And that's how we eat. And he said, we all live together. He said, so my mom and dad in the house, me and my wife in the house, my brother and his wife in the house, my sister and her husband in the house. And so I'm like, man, all y'all, and he's like, that's for economic power. That's so we could build. Like why have four different households and we split in our income four different ways instead of coming together. And they willing to do that, they willing to do that. We, and understandably so, as black people, because of the division and the self-hatred from slavery, it trickle down. We'd be ready to strangle each other. We live in the other naan. If it's two sets of dogs or black people in the same house, it's some hands being thrown because of the ramifications of slavery. But we also got to come to the place to where we start to realize, okay, I'm free from those shackles. Physically, am I allowing those shackles, those whips, those chains? Am I allowing that to shackle me mentally? And so why am I kicking my son out the house at 18 years old when a man really don't become a man till 25? Same with a woman. Why am I not allowing my 18 year old where we grow up and we telling our kids, I'm so ready for you to leave, I'm so ready for you to be gone. I'm so ready for you to get up out of here. And because we have that energy, our children be like, I can't wait on 18. I can't wait on 18. And then a lot of us in the black race may leave at 16, may leave at 17. And it's really because even though physically we've been released, we still held in bondage mentally. And a lot of it becomes a personal choice. Because now it's the, that trickle down effect that you don't continuously have to accept that mindset. But we'll do that and we will excuse it because of our past instead of realizing the power in our present. And then choosing to be liberated and choosing to be free mentally and spiritually and then speaking life, living life and doing differently, we will hold on to our past pain and trauma and allow that to cripple us because of what our ancestors went through that we're not even going through. And we will fail to see opportunity but yet only see obstacles. And so in seeing only obstacles, we see that it's too, we will tell ourselves it's too hard to make it. It's too hard to earn six figures. It's too hard to be debt free. It's too hard to earn seven figures. It's too hard to work a job and start a business. It's too hard to have your own business. And we will only speak lack and poverty and obstacles over ourselves. And we will, what we call poor mouth, we will just poor mouth, poor mouth, poor mouth, instead of speaking abundance and believing abundance and then getting out and creating abundance and believing that we could be more and do more and receive more, see more, have more. And that's one of the downfalls. So now what you have to do is when you get to impact the kids, if it's your nieces, your nephews, if it's your students, if it's just people in your neighborhood or if it's your own children, we got to now switch this here narrative and we got to start raising our boys to be men, which is making them training them up in the way that he should go and teaching him right from wrong and preparing him without enabling him, without crippling him. Instead of doing everything for him, we need to teach him how to do laundry, how to wash the whites, how to wash the color clothes, how to separate them, how to fold, how to earn, teach him how to cook, teach him how to clean, teach him how to take care of himself. I've seen a study on the news, professor said that more and more students are coming into their freshman year lacking basic life skills, don't know how to do laundry, don't know how to do basic things for survival in life. It's because everything has been done for them. And so now we are becoming weaker and wiser, meaning more technology, but less common sense, because the computers do everything, the calculators do everything, the software does everything. So we have less skills, we have less technical skills, we have less ability, we don't know how to use our hands the way that we used to. We don't know how to use our minds the way that we used to. Our eyes are glassy and glossed over from looking at a blue light all day long to where you could send your child to go look for something and it could be right there in their face and they will overlook it just because of their brain patterns from staring at a screen or a video game or TikTok all day and that you can take your children on a vacation in an exotic place. You could take your child to an island and it's beautiful. You could take your child to an amazing city and they will be bored. They will be bored because of the stimulation from their phone. So we're raising the kids weaker and wiser. We're raising them weaker and dumber. We're raising them to be coddled, to be baby, to be taken care of by somebody else. So now your boy grows up and he needs to keep a woman by his side because he doesn't know how to cook and clean. He don't know how to do for himself, so he got to use women to do it for him. And then oftentimes he will have to use a woman of another race because she is intrigued by him. She's enthralled with him. She is admiring his so-called strength, bravado confidence, his body. He's naturally built with an eight pack or big muscles or other body parts that are well endowed and she's heard the rumors and she want to find out if it's true. So she know her men, she used to her men, so now she wants your man and so she go to get your man and so she treat him like a king and she kind of worship him. But the woman that looks like him has been raised to believe that he ain't worth nothing and he's been raised to be worth nothing. So she might not be wrong all the time and then even when she is wrong, she don't know she wrong because she been raised to get an education and get a job and not worry about no man. She been raised to be independent and never taught the importance of being interdependent. So now she don't value a man, so when she meet the man, she talk down to the man, she look at him like he crazy, she treat him like he basic, she treat him like he common and he say oh I don't like this because this woman over here she treat me like king. So now her strength, her mindset, who she has become is discounted, is discredited and then she lose this man to another woman and then she find herself having to go to a man of another race and he done been ostracized and look down upon by his own women because he come from a lower realm on the ladder of power and yet now she appreciates him and he appreciates her so they come together. So now you have you know this breakdown within individual races which we should have unity and come together but it should not be out of pain. It should not be out of self-hatred. It should not be out of rejection from your race. It should be because it's organic and authentic and you met as a human race and you fell in love with each other and it was pure and you did it from the right place not from a place of hurt or anything else but that's what we've seen and that's what we're experiencing and so right now you have this you know you have this push and it's really hard and there's another lesson that I learned from that young white couple that was very intriguing is the young the young white boy he was heavy set 250 to 270 pounds and the young white girl see she was you know a normal average build so she looked at around 140 pounds but she looked at about five seven five eight so she looked around 140 to 150 you know how weight is you can't really tell but she was looked like an average build almost like an athletic build almost and then he looked kind of like a defensive lineman football and when you think when you look at that they are taught not the word about the outer appearance this particular couple they ain't everybody now but I've heard black women tell their daughter oh uh why are you talking to him and it could be a black man that they daughter talking to black girl with a black boy but the mama will tell the daughter oh he ugly and the boy may look different he may look what we were called nerdy he may look you know almost like a Steve Urkel and I've seen this with my own eyes now and so now this guy this black boy he's been raised to open doors just like that white boy he's been raised to quarter woman to serve a woman to really love a woman he understands his gentleness but the girl mama telling her oh he ugly oh he got acne oh and I told and I and I seen this now with a young lady that I know and I had to tell her I say listen do not listen to your mama do not listen to your sister do not listen to your home girl that that that little boy you talking to that's the kind of boy you want right there you don't want you don't want the younger version of me you don't want the star athlete who always in the newspaper who got the pick of the letter you don't want that because we will dog you out we gonna we gonna have our and see here y'all lives y'all overlooking the good guys because you want the guy with all the muscles and you want the guy with all the clout you want the guy with all the shoes and the clothes and you overlooking the good guy because he got a little bit of acne because he got one of them lopsided froves because he really don't know how to dress in the latest trends because his mama may be very studious and she is not into the latest fashion she into him getting an education and him being a good person so she raising him with character and his character is his currency but she don't got no style in fashion and so her son ain't got no style in fashion so her son is dressing like he been forgot about but he know all this stuff and he's a great person and so now the young the young black girls talking about them they want to sit beside them and cheat off his paper on the test but then when he asked them will you go to prom with me I'm sorry I don't want to be mean or anything but I've already been in action after prom so I'm so sorry sorry but I love you know you know you're my best friend oh let's study together and so now she want to use them for grades and so now when he grows up he become an image consultant he become a financial advisor he become a relationship coach now he in the world now he know oh well let me grow a beard now he know oh let me buy a Bentley now he know oh let me get a Lamborghini now he know oh let me go get a suit pinstripe suit and get a tailor and now he remember her now she now she 35 40 and need a husband but she was taught to overlook him because he was ugly she was taught to look at his outer appearance and not his inner appearance so now she's single and want a husband and he's still hurting from what she did to him around prom time so now you make a pay now he get a he flip and toss him use an abuser because he still heard from childhood and and now she want to see him for what he worth and see sometimes that man don't know how to forget and that's what we'll see sometimes the data where you'll see this guy who may be considered lame and he got this real beautiful woman and a lot of time when you see that that real beautiful woman she didn't got dolled up she didn't got mistreated by the cool guys and now she finally come to her senses and that man he just he didn't forgave he didn't got over and he say well I'ma just get her because I'ma just you know I'ma use a sleep with her and be with her because she was a fantasy of mine and I'ma just be with her and then she get in she get in deep and then he go to being controlling he go to being condescending he go to doing a wrong and it's really because of his pain that he had from a long time ago and then she like whoa why are you treating me just like the cool guys treated me why are you treating me just like the thugs treated me and it's like because he hurting just like they hurt them they just hurt in different ways they just hurt for different reasons one hurting the thug hurt him for because of what the world did to him and the guy that was seen as a nerd hurting because of what you did to him because of what the women did to him and so we have to start raising our kids and the youth if you don't have kids and you impact on the youth we got to help the youth understand what substance is we got to help the youth understand character we got to help the youth understand integrity we got to help the youth understand to be the temperature in the room to set the temperature of the room not follow or adjust to it but to set the temperature in the room to set the trend instead of following the trend, to be that constant, to be consistent, to have integrity, to have inner peace. We got to start impacting the youth in that way. So when I talk to my son, I literally point out to him, girls in his class, and say, son, you see this young lady over here? You overlooking her. But that right there, that's the quality right there that she have. I say, you see her humility? You see her kindness? I say, that's what you want to look for right there in a wife. Oh, dad. No, I don't see her like that. I don't look at her like that. I say, see, listen, so I'm sharing this with him because when he get older, because what happened is at the young boys, they'll desire the mean girls. They'll desire the mean girls. They'll desire the blondies. They'll desire these. They'll desire the girl that's going to just use them for what they could bring to the table financially or in social status, but not who they are in their heart. So what I'm doing is being intentional about teaching my son about the currency of character, about character currency. And if y'all didn't know that, that was me who introduced that concept to the world of let a man's character be his currency. And then you will find that a lot of rich men are broke and a lot of broke men are rich because currency really should be based on character because what you have to understand and it was the exigler who I heard say, no amount of money can buy character. But if you have character, you could earn any amount of money. And so what we have to start doing is we got to start raising our kids to understand the importance of connecting, to understand the importance of relations. And although you may be single, you can't be single and hurt. You can't be single and bitter. You can't operate from your brokenness or from your pain and then tell your child stay away from love, stay away from relationships just because a relationship hurt you. See, love did not hurt you. Someone who doesn't know how to love hurt you. And then you confuse the two. That's my quote that went viral. Love did not hurt you. Someone who did not know how to love hurt you. And then you confuse the two. So we start to say that love is pain, but love is not actually painful. A relationship is painful. But love in this purest form knows no pain when it is a romantic love or intimate love. And we let the influences of the world or in our relationship become painful. And then we start to lie on love. And then we speak from that place. So when I was growing up, and I was an athlete, and I played football and basketball, and I went to a public school. And in the ninth grade, I played JV football, JV basketball. And I got arrested for stealing. I was with my homeboy. He played on my football team. Me and him were both pastors sons. So we were under spiritual warfare and did not know it. And we stole from the mall and we got arrested. So after getting arrested, I that summer was playing AAU basketball. And my coach met a new coach that moved in the town to coach at the private school, in which private schools that cost money like thousands of years, typically predominantly white, unless you live in a predominantly black area. And so this private school cost at that time $8,000 a year. This was like 1998, 1999, something like that. And so the coach went to he started going around to the different teams and scouting out players. And he went to my coach. And he said, Hey, man, I'm looking for some players. And my coach said, Well, I got this one kid, because I was the only player on the team basically from a two parent household. And my dad was a pastor. And so he came to my parents and said, Hey, you know, got this coach, he looking for players, I think Tony, the only one that could get into school based on grades and financially. And so my mom was like, Yes, yes, please put them in there because I had got arrested from stealing with my homeboy from the public school. So when I went to the private school, here I am at the private school. Now I'm around all white people for the most part. And so as I start to build my name in sports, I'm number five in basketball in the county. And then they started football my 11th grade year, I was number one in Russian in the county. So I'm the number one running back. And I'm in the paper every day. So now, at this point, when you get to that level, this is when the white girls now see you as worthy. If you just a regular black guy from where I'm from, you couldn't white girls didn't like you. Unless you in the hood and she in the hood, then those white girls like you because white boys don't like them because they in the hood. And so, but if the white girl is in the suburbs, and she in a nice neighborhood, she can only date or like you if you somebody as a black guy. So there's one white girl, she started like me then another star like me and another star like another star like another star like like where the world is coming from. Because I remember when I was in the sixth grade, my cousin was living with me. And a y'all now I'm gonna be real long here now here by the some people don't like to talk about the reality of the world. And there's a lot of biracial people on here, it's a lot of mixed couples and a lot of people don't like to hear about themselves and like to hear about the reality. But I don't know how to fake the phone for you. I'm just telling the real truth. I'm telling my true story. Okay. And so now I'm like, man, what is coming from because I remember being in the sixth grade, and I was talking to my older cousin who lived with me. I said, man, why are you talking white girl? And he was like, because we had racial lines, we had color lines, Clue Clubs Clan came to my middle school, you know, Polk County, Florida. And so it was different. And I said, man, why are you talking white girl? He was like, because you'll understand one day, you too young. And so he was like 11th grade or whatever. And then when I got and he was he played football, he was a running back, he was on the team, he wrestled. And so, and he was good, he pretty decent. And so I realized is when you got a name, and you got some cloud, and you could possibly be homecoming King, that's when you start to be acceptable to other races, the Hispanics or the whites, the Asians. Otherwise, they don't want nothing to do with you because the men in their race don't like you as a black man. They may like playing sports with you, but they don't want you sleeping with a women. And so to I talked to the white girls and in high school, two of them. And guess what? Like in a real way, to where you, you know, get intimate, both of them came to me. It was two different relationships. Both of them came to me in that relationship. And the, and they said, my dad said that I cannot be with you because of the world and the way the world is and that my parents aren't racist, but that the world is and that. So the one said that she was like, yeah, my dad sat me and my sister down and told us that we can't be with, we shouldn't be with black guys because of how the world is and that we're going to have a lot of problems and that we're going to go through a lot. And they're not racist because you know, our housekeeper, our housekeeper is black and she's been there and she's taken care of us our whole life. So they said, you know, because of that they're not racist and they let black people come over to the house and eat dinner and spend the night, but they just don't want us to date, you know, black guys. And there were two sisters, they was athletic, they played sports. The thing about it is they weren't that cute for white guys. So they only really dealt with black guys. And so, because black guys would see the white woman as a trophy, because it was not a trophy, but as forbidden fruit. And so, and then also see them as better because living a better house, drive a better car, got more money. If you talk to a white girl back in the day and you a young black man, you know, your Valentine's gift and to be lit, you know, your Christmas gift and to be off the chain, because they coming from more money. And so whereas, you know, the black girl could get your one gift, because her mama is working two, three jobs. And they pinching, you know, you coming from poverty on average. And then the white girl, her family, two parent home, they got money, they gave you more stuff. And so a lot of times the young black man, really just being selfish, being greedy, not even thinking as deep on the race side. But then he'll come to parents. And the parents like, hold on, hold on, because them young white girls, they start to fall in love. And yeah, they get clout for their boyfriend being the star quarterback, the star running back star basketball player, but they know money attached to that. And ain't no guarantee to go to nobody league, but they want to be miss it. Because women like power, women like a powerful man, women like a man of status meant women like a man that got some economic value. So even in the school system, if the best athlete is black, now some, even though he blight some of them white girls want them. And he don't know that that that that's why he seen as valuable to them. And some black mamas and daddies don't know that. And so here come, you know, this young lady, she say this. And then it was another young lady I talked to. And they like me now. They like me. It wasn't me chasing them. They like me. Because the first one, she, we played a school and I gave him 25. This was on varsity basketball now. I gave him 25. They had a star player. He was taller than me, bigger than me, but I still gave him 25. And he was a black guy. And she went to school with them. But when I came at that game 25, she sent her little sister up to me and say, Hey, my sister sent me up here. Here's her phone number. She was she was she likes you. And it was a little white girl. And she probably was like sixth grade. I was like 11th grade or something, 10th grade, I was 10th grade. And and she pointed to her. And there was a white girl, of course, that she white. And I was like, okay. And so we connected on the phone. Because now I'm feeling like Jesus shuttle's worth. He on he got game. I'm like, Oh, okay, y'all boy 25, then I'm getting phone numbers. I'm like, okay. And she had a shape on her. So she had a booty like a black girl that was not coming amongst white girls unless they played softball. And so she was built with a little booty on her. But she wasn't necessarily cute to the white guys, because she had a little freckles, she had a little nose on them. And so the white guys, they liked it blonde hair, blue eyes, with a flat booty. They didn't like no gluteus maximus, because that's how black girls was built. Now see, they're too real for some people now, they're too real for some people now. But hey, I can't lie to you, I'm just telling real true life story. And I ain't racing now. Understand that got a lot of white friends. I ain't raising to tell you true life story. So here they are, my daddy preaching, he got his own little church, little small church, 25 people being at the most. And one day, the white young lady, she started to fall in love with me. And her daddy found out her daddy went to my daddy, went up to my daddy church, and went up to my daddy church, and said, Listen, you know, my daughter is talking to your son, they really liking each other. And but I can't allow that because I'm not racist, you know, I ain't racist, but but the world is. And so he said, my daughter will not get a volleyball scholarship because she played volleyball. He was like, my dad, my daughter will not get a volleyball scholarship. And she was class of 2001. So we're in the new millennium. But this is what the man told my daddy. And she said, and he said, and then when she graduate college, she won't get a job if she got a black husband. And he was like, you know, they taking pictures together, she got these pictures up around her room, him and her, she got a whole collage of him. Like if the scouts that scouting her, they come to the house. He was like, if the volleyball coach come to the house and she she deal with black guys, she ain't gonna get no scholarship. And so my daddy came home and he said, hey, Tony, you know, your girlfriend, daddy came to the church. And he was telling me that he really don't think y'all should talk because of how the world is and because she ain't gonna get no scholarship and all that. And he's like, son, I can't I can't lie to you. I agree with him. And I was like, okay, all right, cool. Because I wasn't raised to be a husband. I wasn't raised to be about women. I wasn't raised to be all into relationships. So I was like, okay, cool. Because I wanted to go to college on a scholarship for sports too. So I was trying to focus on that. So I went on ahead and broke up with her. I went on ahead and broke up with her. And then she didn't want to break up. She now she wanted to be an abolitionist. She wanted to fight the good fight. I say, listen, listen, sister, I'm not going to be swaying from no tree for this puppy love. Okay, yes, I know you buy me pineapple soda. That's my favorite soda. And I know you buy me some Twix. And I know, you know, you didn't gave me your virginity. But listen, I'm not going to be swaying from no tree for no puppy love. And so I go on ahead and got my distance. And so this was the real truth. This is what the world was in the new millennium. But then today, it's still a lot of that, but it's hidden. It's under the surface. And so I look and I studied this stuff. And so we're not raising our boys to be aware of themselves and of women and of marriage of chivalry. We're not raising them to be aware. So they're going into the world not looking for a wife. So because the boy is not looking for a wife, when a wife looking for him, he can't tell the difference between when he's being prayed upon and when it's authentic. And so he will take in ignore the authentic connection. And he will fall victim to when he's being prayed upon because of who he is, the way he dressed, the money his mama got on his parents got, where he's going in his life. And he won't see the difference. And then we're not being raised. We're not being raised with self-love. So a lot of black boys are seeing black girls as ugly, as ghetto, as less than, less attractive, less clean. And those are some of the things that some stereotypes come from truth and some are just stereotypes. And we're not understanding our essence. So and be fair, you're right, because that's what I'm seeing. That's what I started to see. I started to see the division. One guys, black guys get a white girl and the white girl parents was cool with it. But she was no different than the two white girls I talked to that they parents weren't cool with it. That's because I'm five, 10, and I want them to be no proathlete. So it was like, you better make that exception. But you six, three, six, four, six, six, you got a chance at that lead. Come on over here. The Marcus, come on over here, buddy. Let's go ahead and get a little fishing in. Teach you how to hunt. Your daddy not in your life. Come on over here. And so when you start to look around and you look at the different proathletes and you start to see that, you start to see a lot of that now. And you got to pay attention, though. And this is what I do. I pay attention, I look and I read and I study this. And so I start to see that. And now here's the thing that we got to address, especially to the parents. You got to learn how to put that face on. And what I mean by put that face on is I know your relationship status may stress you, whether you're single, married, divorced, interrelationship, widow. I know your relationship status may stress you. I know your job status may stress you. But if you're raising kids, you got to be intentional about raising them kids. Because them kids did not come in the world on their own. And so one of the things that started to happen is, as Black people, a lot of times you find yourself behind the eight ball. And so you find yourself behind the eight ball. And we start to take less, pay less attention to our children. And I see the same thing in all races, when somebody's behind the eight ball. And so now you pay, you take less attention to your children because you're coming from less, you're struggling more. So what will happen is, let me explain something to y'all. Now I'm going to break this down for you now and listen. This is going to be offensive because when the truth step on our toes, that thing hurt now. So listen to me now. This ain't for everybody now. And y'all know I'm always saying stuff that's going to get me canceled. But listen to me now. Listen. Okay. This will start to happen. The Black household was behind the eight ball and struggling. So if it's a single parent home, mama stressed out, two jobs, sometimes three jobs. So her daughter is raising herself because the daughter get out of school three o'clock at the latest three 30. If mama came to for aftercare, daughter walking home or the daughter get on the bus, go to the girl's club or what have you. But that daughter get home and now she got to go make her a sandwich. So she eating a bologna sandwich, a ham sandwich, spam sandwich. She home and she got to try to figure out her homework. Mama may get home if she work a regular job. She might get home five, 36 o'clock. If the daughter in sports, then she got to go to practice six to eight o'clock, volleyball, soccer, whatever it is. But mama tired. Mama tired. She fed up with her husband or her baby daddy. So this young lady, she's not really being taught how to take care of herself and really how to, she's not being taught properly how to bathe. She's not being taught properly how to wipe. She's not being taught a face routine, like how to wash her face, how to moisturize her face, help mama or parents might not even be able to afford that. But then when you look over in the white home, it's typically, if it's a middle class white family, it's more stability. It's not the black family fault that they have less stability. It's a reality. So it's more stability over there in the white family. So now guess what happened? What happens is the white girl, she washed her hair every day. Now black people, we told, we taught not to wash your hair every day anyways. So the white girl, she washes her every day. So when the white girl come around, she smell like shampoo. She smell like shampoo. But if the black family don't have a lot of money, the black girl had to got to last for three months. So when she get the micro put in, she can wet a micro for three months. If they, if the black family doing good, she gonna wet a micro for a month. But it's a difference between a month old, two month old, three month old micro and then the white girl washing her hair every day. So the little boy, he smelling shampoo over here and he smelling pillow sweat over here. This ain't this young black girl fault now. This ain't her fault. The young man, he just reading the tool. So now we get to the age of intimacy. We get to the age of intimacy and the white girl, her mama don't work, her daddy work and because he own his own business or he got a degree and he hire up on the ladder, he make enough money. So even if he make it, he make it 75, he make it 75,000. So the mama might not work or the mama might do something on the side for fun. She might crochet, she might sew, she might sell brownies. And so the mama, she did this white mama, she had been raised to be domesticated. She had been raised to get a husband, to please a husband and to keep a husband. That's how she had been raised. The black mama, she didn't been raised to fight for herself, to fend for herself because of the trauma of the black man. So not a black man, he didn't tow down his women. Like Tupac said in the song, why do we beat our women? Why we rape our women? Why we do all this to our women? It's because of the trauma. It's because of the pain. And so now the white mama, she make her daughter, her princess, she make her everything. She take her to get her hands done. She take her to get her feet done. She take her to get facials. She teach her how to put on makeup at eight years old. She teach her, she teach her how to bathe and just soak in bathe. Then she teach her how to exfoliate. She teach her how to arch her eyebrows. She teach her how to, you know, wash her hair. And so literally, when you get to this place of intimacy, the black girl got a little scent on. And the scent could be from either poverty. It could be from lack of attention. It could be from, it could be from genetics. It could be just producing more of a certain chemical that you not taught about. And then the white girl, she smell like water. Now this is a, this is a real conversation now. This is a real conversation amongst black men. Now the black men being sexual prowess, the black boys being sexual prowess, being raised by themselves, being raised on their own because of the, the thing, you know, because of the thing, the society, the economics, black folks a lot of times end up learning how to have sex a lot earlier because you buy yourself a lot. And if your parents got a little freak in them, or your auntie, or your grandma, whoever, you find the nasty magazine, you find the nasty tapes. So next thing you know, you with the young folks your age, y'all eating peach cobbler, y'all singing on the microphone, y'all dipping the fingers, y'all doing it all because you didn't find these magazines and these tapes, why you buy yourself, why are your people working? So now your people working, y'all got to give them internet be acting up over here. So now your people working and now you grown. Now you growing up a whole lot faster. So now guess what? The white young lady over here, her mama home when she get out of school, mama doing homework with her, her mama working with her, mama teaching her life skills, mama teaching all this stuff. And then the minority family over here, they don't get to teach all of this because they got to work so hard. So now when this young man, he get the experience in women. He got one woman who he got this one young lady to where her hair got to have the same how do for three months. Or she can't get her hair done at all. And her hair not being treated, her hair not being taken care of. So she got heat damage. She got damage to her edges. She got split ends and then the white girl because she come from more stability. She don't have no split ends. Her hair is not damaged. So now here you got this 15 year old boy. He dip his fingers in this and it got a little mushed on it because this young lady over here has not been groomed by her mom on how to bathe, how to properly clean herself, how to take care of herself. So her natural hen on now. He dip his finger over here to the white young lady and it smelled like water because her body is chemicals, estrogen, whatever she produced in different. So now he say, this race clean, this race dirty. And he talking about his own race. That's dirty. See, a lot of people don't want to hear this now. But see, I not only live life as a young man, but I also deal with the young man. I also deal with the young man. And they did, they had a little video going viral where the young boy with the microphone, he went the phone and he going up to the black boys and he asked him, he said, Hey, white girl, black girl. He asked like four of them and three of them said white girl. And the same thing when they did that little test with the kids, with the baby dolls, which one the bad, which one the bad dog, they picked the black dog, which one the dirty dog, they picked the black dog, which one the clean dog, they picked the white dog, which one is the good dog, they picked the white dog. See all of this conditioning coming in, all this conditioning coming in. So unless you as a parent raise your child to appreciate his and her blackness, unless you as a parent come into your household and you suck it up, you tire, you hurting, you suck it up and you teach your child how to bathe, you teach your child to brush their teeth in the morning and night and you stand beside them, you teach your child how to do they have, how to, how to wash their face, you teach your child how to take care of themselves, how to groom they sell and you suck it up and you, you get on YouTube and find a tutor or you become the tutor. And if you, what you don't know, you, you find a tutor, you've, you got to do extra and you got to pay $15 an hour, but you go out your way and you get your child taught unless you invest in your child and you teach them and you show them and you raise them and you groom them and you prepare them for life, then they're going to get the short end of the stick and then they're going to be compared to another race who has been prepared, who has been groomed, who has been taught all of these things and then they become adults and then the question is from black women, why do good black men and rich black men choose white women? But when you talk to that black man, he choosing based on a preference, he choosing because either he thought she was better or she was more prepared to be a wife and she was more whatever as a wife or he was raised to hate himself and hate his race and to hate his own. And then very rarely is it just completely authentic and organic to where they just bumped into each other in lab class and whatever and they hit it off. That happens too, the way it's just purely just a connection. It ain't about a preference, it ain't about self-hate, it's not about projection, it's not about rejection, it's just about a connection, but that's the rarest form. And so what we have to start doing is we got to be very intentional about how we raise in our children. We got to be very intentional and we got to be, and see here's the thing, it's not fair, life ain't fair. See my son, they know a lot and they learn a lot, but their mom got the lifestyle that was typically only afforded to white women. And even though to Hispanic women, because sometimes you will see other races like in Indian women and Hispanic women and other races to where the woman be at home. Even though the man might not make a lot of money, the man might not make a lot of money, but they say, look, your importance is with these kids, I need you there with these kids, but they together. Whereas a lot of times a black mom, she don't get that option because she got to go to work and she ain't got no man that's going to be there. And she don't even get the choice of saying I'll live with less money by not working and live off my husband income and we will budget and find financial peace and we'll budget so that I could be full time with the kid. She might not get that opportunity or get that choice. And so then this right here happens and then we see, we look and we see like, oh, wow. So now and I used to ask myself that and then I used to talk to these young men because I started working with the top 100 high school basketball players every year. And I'm talking with these young men and I'm like, why you, you know, how many women you slept with? Why you picked like this? Why are you doing this? And they said, well, man, man, black girls, man, black girls rule. Man, black girl loud. And man, black girls, man, they have be nappy. And man, they have be stank. And then, man, they be having a little older down there. But then man, a white girl. But she smell like water. Why ain't gonna be no smell. Even right after practice, she don't be having no smell. And then you look at it and you get to the root of it and you start to see it's a difference in the lifestyle. One person being, being taught and groomed and shown how to take care of a body. And I remember writing a book for a young lady and she said that she was, it's a black lady. She said she was getting picked on in school because she started to smell because her mama never taught her how to wash herself. And so she says she had and had that older down there fester because she never was cleaning down there. And then she started smelling class. You could smell it through her clothes. I said, man. And then also she had no protection because her mama had to work. Her mama had to work. And so the men around her saw she was vulnerable. So the bishop started sleeping with her. The mama didn't believe it. The mama didn't protect her. Then her stepdaddy started sleeping with her. Her mama didn't believe her. Her mama didn't protect them. Then the deacon started sleeping with her. Her mama didn't believe her. Her mama didn't protect them. Then she got pregnant by the deacon. She was 10 years old. So she was walking around and going to school with semen in her every day. And that semen was, was just sitting in there, just sitting there soaking. And it started to smell. Probably created a little bacteria, a little infection. And it started to smell. And then she later found out why she was smelling. And so, but guess what? She obviously wasn't the only little girl that was happening to her. But then why did her mama not protect her? Mama didn't protect her because her mama hated herself. Her mama saw what she was going through as a woman at the hands of men. And then she also would see the young women get more attention from the older men than she was getting. So mama started to resent the daughter. Mama started to resent young ladies, the young women, because these young women taking the, the older men, getting the older men against the young women will, but the mama blaming the young women. So she say her mama said, oh, you, you walk around here attempting these men with them short, short, so on and being fast. And so mama started to attack the daughter instead of protect the daughter. And then when the pregnancy came, now nobody could deny it. The mama couldn't deny it no more what the daughter was saying. And then the bishop who used to be sleeping with, with her when she was eight years old, the bishop got with the mama and say, well, now she prayed and they need to get married. So she had to get married at 11 years old to the deacon and the deacon was 19. And she ended up having six kids with the deacon. And she came to meet a writer book as a ghost writer. So I see I get to live this and get to be in the trenches and get to hear about this hill stuff and get to see this stuff. So that I want you all to understand, I don't be pulling stuff out of thin out. I don't just be making stuff up. I'm in the trenches. I'm in a trench. I'm really evaluating. I'm really getting to see this. And so listen, so you got to ask yourself, if you a parent, you got to ask yourself, have I literally went in that bathroom and taught my son how to bathe? Have I taught my daughter how to bathe? Decreases the cracks in the crevices? Does my child wash their face in the morning with, with cleaning soap? Not with, not the water now, you know, because I do it as a dog, not with the water now, where we get the water and you're dabbing on the eyes and I just try to get that cold out of there. But with face wash, do my child wash his and her face in the morning and at night. Do my child brush his and her teeth, his or her teeth in the morning and at night. And when your child look when your child four, five, six, seven, you got to stand up in the bathroom, make sure they wash them two, three weeks straight. You got to stand up, make sure they wash their face two, three weeks straight. You got to stand up, make sure they brushing their teeth, make sure they hitting them teeth in the back, that they getting them crevice inside, outside, that they brushing that tone, that they brushing the roof of their mouth. See, we not taught those things. We not taught those things and then the next thing you know, we got body odor, we got bad breath, we don't know how to carry ourselves. We got YouTube. You could take the etiquette class on what fork is for what, what knife is for what, where the cup get placed. You could sit down and watch that video on YouTube. But see, we don't know that stuff. And as parents, we tired, we drained, we frustrated, we upset with our life and all of this stuff. So now the kids, they start to suffer. And then we speak from our pain. We speak from our lack. We speak from where we at. And then that's what breaks us down. That's what breaks us down. And so I want you to think about this thing. And I want you to start to really be intentional about it. And for those of you raising boys, you got to raise your boys and start to teach your boys about girls. Teach your boy, teach your son about love. Teach your son how to treat a woman. Don't, don't have your son treat you like a queen as his mama, but not teaching your son to go find your replacement. Not a mama, but to go find a wife. Teaching your son because, because listen, as, as young men, we're going to have a girlfriend with your, with your permission or not, it'll be better off that you teach us how to have a girlfriend instead of telling us not to have a girlfriend. We're going to have a girlfriend with your permission or not. We're going to have sex with your permission or not. So it's better to teach how to do it and what to do if you're going to do it, but then say, please do not do it because of this and sit down and show that education. So when I was working with the NBA players association and we worked with the top 100, we had a lady who she used to come in and she used to talk to the, to the young men about STDs. And a lot of these young men, because of the AU schedule, they would be virgin because they're 15 years old, 14, 15, 16. So, and they traveling around the country and they doing basketball a year round. So a lot of them would be virgin. They would be ashamed of it. In our small group sessions, they would be ashamed to admit it. So every guy would say, Oh, I don't, I only slept with three, but me haven't been a woman as I could tell when, when a young man lying by, you know, a body count. And they would be virgin because, you know, someone had good parents, they got good households, parents doing well for themselves. And that's how they can afford AU basketball. And now they sitting here and she would come in and she would show these young boy, the STDs and they would sit there and they'll be like, whoa, because they never seen what that looked like. So now just that education make them say, listen, I ain't doing nothing. I'm not finna do nothing. If I do something, I'm definitely finna be unprotected. And as parents, we got to take and do that. We got to take and really show that realness. I'm finna find some pictures of the night to show my son, your son, come in here and look at this hill, this hill selfless breakout. Look at this, the worst case of general war breakout. Look at this man thing falling off right here and just sit down and just, and see the pus, see the bumps. Let them see that. So that, okay, if this what you want to do, this what you're risking, be my guest, be my guest. If you want to risk unprotected, you don't know this woman, you ain't vetted this woman. You don't know how she moved. You don't know who she is. You don't know how she act. You don't know what she got. But if you want to risk that, this, this what possibly could come. We got to start giving real education to our sons and daughters and teaching them the value of love, teaching them the value of relationship, the value of marriage, even if you're not married, but then also teaching them the risk involved with these relations and with these interactions so that they know and they prepare. And so this, this thing here, they're real talk. This real talk, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's something that we got to start to address. And so I want you to understand that the adults that we have today, we all adults, we send this division between the black man and the black woman. We send a lot of hate. We send a lot of division. We send a lot of fake and pump, fake and perpetrate. We send a lot of that and it might be too late for the adults to have today. It might be too late. So we got to start focusing on the youth. We got to start focusing on the tomorrow. We got to start preparing our youth so that they don't repeat the cycle so that the young men don't grow up hating their own women. And so that the young women don't grow up hating their own men because now as y'all know it and you'll see, you will see it. When you look at YouTube, you will see now they got whole channels. They got whole channels that is preparing and educating black women on how to go get them a white man, how to find them a white man. And it's because of the, the ramifications, the repercussions of how black men have been raised and not being loving and kind and gentle and marriage minded, but yet still having the mental shackles and the mental bondage away from slavery. And so now black women suffering at the hands of men and then the black women who adapt to the game and they learn the game and they start to play the game, then you have black men who were not raised to understand the risk and the things that come with relations. Those black men are now suffering at the hands of the women who street smart. And so then you have this segment of black men who want white women or women of other race and black women who want white men or men of another race because they've been so hurt and so damaged by their own race because of the lack of parenting in the household. And so this some, you know, this some that's real. This some that's real read some of y'all comments and we got to understand this. Now I see Marquita over here on the thing. Marquita type in the chat if you want to come on on there and say something. Yeah, you got to introduce it to him versus way known social media to do it because guess what? I went to talk to my son one day. My son 15 years old. I went to talk to my son and we just happened to be talking and what I kind of find out this boy done bumping the videos on YouTube and tiktok teaching him about penis sizes vagina teaching him all about not a sad pornography this stuff on tiktok this stuff on YouTube that he bumping into that he able to get this knowledge and learn without my permission without meeting on without his mama knowing and so I had to tell my wife I say listen that's why I'm so ahead of this thing. Now he knew some extra stuff because it was from like doctors and stuff like that talking but I started talking to my son about this stuff when he was nine years old when he was nine years old because you know what I was doing at nine years old I taste me some peach cobbler at nine years old nine years old taste me some peach cobbler so I knew the reality of it and so I had to say listen I can't be naive like my mama was because I remember hearing my mama say when I was 17 my mom was telling her friends oh I know my son ain't sleeping with no girl because he too he too shy to climb on top of a woman and I had been weighing me some months since 15 I had been weighing me some months since 15 years old my mom was 17 and had no clue and so I had to realize okay I can't be naive and be waiting thinking that my child just gonna be innocent in this world because the world will grow your child up real fast the world will grow your child up real fast and they will be out there getting education and knowledge on stuff that you don't even know about be doing all kind of stuff I guarantee you and this the thing now because a lot of people look down on the black race but as I was growing I never had a black girl asked to give me oral never but for the Caucasian for the white girls it started when they was in sixth grade they started asking let me suck on that and a lot of times and that's what I have to help people understand like listen every race got their issues every race got their issues I have to help these young black men understand like listen you mad with this black woman because she'll get loud with you because she'll check you because she'll hold you accountable but that's because she being real with you and she also being faithful to you that's because she'll rather punch you in your nose than stab you in your back but see this girl over here that don't know you of this other race she don't know you so she fear you so while you think you're getting over on her no she getting you back she getting revenge she just doing it behind your back and when it finally come out it's gonna hurt you worse than anything ever then this woman over here on your same side have ever hurt you and I lived through that I seen that and I dated a white girl in college and I thought I was getting over I thought she was submissive I thought I was a king I thought I was just getting to do what I wanted to do come to find out while I was doing my thing she slept with four of my teammates and one of the basketball players all five of them black men she was a white woman and then what I saw the difference was when I dated women of my own race they didn't cheat back on me they would leave me or if they cheated it'll be conversation it'll be emotional and it didn't get physical and it was because they had a different respect for their own body and I saw other races that when they dealt with my race they didn't respect their body the same way they probably respect their body with their own race but with my race and so when I talked to the young lady I said why you did that why you slept on this oh I was scared of him because he had gold teeth because he had tattoos because he had dreads I was scared of I was intimidated by I'm like really was that the reason and so I started realizing I had to start to help these young men understand this like listen you're not getting over you're not getting over like it ain't it ain't easy on that other side like a human is a human whether human gonna leave you or whether human gonna get revenge it don't matter what color she is she either gonna leave you she either gonna shut down say forget you and start thinking of her exit strategy or she gonna or she gonna cheat back she gonna get revenge but don't think that you over there with this woman of another race putting hands on her cursing her out cheating on her dog and her out and that ain't gonna be no get back it's gonna be some get back and they're gonna hurt the same way and so I started to see that and I'm like man and it helped me realize that I can't look down on my own and hate myself and hate my color and hate my race and then pedestalize others as better or superior and this is a lesson that we don't get let me see if um marquita did you put in the chat are you trying to come on the screen put your thumbs up so I can see it get my thumbs up okay I see I see and I put the link in here if anybody wanting to come on here and ask a question or share something on the screen I don't always do this y'all make sure y'all keep everything respectful and all of that let me see if I can let me see if I can hear you marquita okay yeah I can hear you okay I'm sorry I was trying to write in the chat but it looks like it was going to a private box or something oh okay I see yeah no I just wanted to comment earlier on what you were talking about as far as teaching young men to be husbands and women to be wives when we're younger um my husband I know you probably know our story we were married at 19 and um we didn't get support from either side my side his side you know um both sets of our parents were like I don't think you guys should do it you're way too young you haven't lived yet and even though that was my mindset I was not raised to okay settle with one man get married my man my mom had multiple um baby fathers and it's 10 of us so I'm not always seeing that broken household I see my mom get abused you know disrespected so I always had it in me that I want different you know I want to show my kids there is a different way to life and living in quanta and I my husband we have two daughters so I'm constantly just trying to leave by example show them what a woman is how a two-parent household can work because I just never seen it and when I got my husband he even told me like I wasn't raised to clean up he didn't know how to clean anything he was the only boy and his sisters they were told to do all the chores he was just told okay take out the trash and that was it he wasn't taught any like okay any like lessons do this to be a man do this to provide he grew into that and we grew up together but um yeah it's just like the cycle that's in our culture is is very toxic and I just want like you said we have to target the youth the adults I mean we're kind of not a lost cause but we are where we are so we have to show our um offsprings that there is a different way to life that's good I really appreciate that thank you for sharing that and I will um a test from that a test to that um that I was the same way in the sense of I wasn't taught how to cook how to clean how to do laundry and it was I was baby I was spoiled I played sports so it's like oh if you're a young black man and you play sports your future is a pro athlete so let's give you everything you need let's baby you let's do all it is because you're gonna get us out of this situation you're gonna make it you're gonna be successful I didn't make it in sports but I made it in what I do and even making it in what I do guess what was expected of me what was expected of me is to take care of my parents and that's what I do today you know take care of my parents and and that's gonna cost me to the tune of millions of dollars but when I look at my white brothers their parents could be in the same situation my parents in and they could become successful they're not expected to take care of their parents and I think we and I have to shift my mindset because yeah I sacrifice a lot for my kids I do anything for my kids I give everything for my kids but I have to change my mindset from the mindset of I'm raising my kids to take care of me one day and instead my mindset got to be I'm finna make enough money I'm finna make enough money and you know uh Marquita I'm gonna remove you so you ain't got to be on your camera down now I'm finna make enough money so that I can have a retirement savings so that I could be taken care of I'm finna grind and do what I got to do so that I can take and get to a place um shall we really say you got to connect to your mic and cam before you can be added and get to a place to where I got money put up to give to my grandchildren so that I could put a little bit in a college fund instead of me saying hey son I took you around the world I did all of this for you and all that for you now you done made it as a pro athlete or now you done made a successful businessman now you got to come take care of me now you got to pay me back because of what I did for you and I had to change my mindset because that's a toxic mindset and I think a lot of times as parents parents don't realize how much pressure that put on kids and so when we see these black men who was athletes and made a hundred million dollars and they go broke that's because they was forced to feel like they had to take care of all their siblings they mama they daddy they cousins the dope boys and everybody so when they go broke everybody disappear and now they got mental health issues they live with cte or ptsd and they going through all of this stuff and it's because all of this financial stress was put on them and they never once had a financial literacy class didn't know what a credit score was didn't know what the etf was didn't know what a stock or a bond was didn't know what a gen 29 didn't know what nothing was but got out there knew nothing about money got to the money was told that a white person is better than you a white person is smarter than you so then they had to hire a white financial advisor that white financial advisor brought them the plays the investments of his friends for their startups had this young man or young woman who got all this money dump all their money into bad investments because the person that they hire don't care nothing for them don't like them talk about them behind their back call them the n-word when they at their barbecue and he don't know that because he's been raised or she's been raised to hate himself and to pedestalize someone else who doesn't look like him or her and so this is what we have to realize and we got to start changing this mindset so i tell my sons like listen i ain't gonna i ain't gonna need nothing from you i don't want nothing from you don't want nothing from you because guess what as a man i got to be able to take care of me and if i can't take care of me and if i can't do the work and i can't get myself in a position the way i could take care of me that i don't deserve to eat i don't deserve to eat lord put me in the ground lord called me home but i don't want to have to depend on nobody else for my wants or my needs and i had to accept 100 full responsibility for my life and that's what manhood is and that's what we got to start teaching to the young men is we got to teach them so yeah your son play baseball yeah he traveling all the time but guess what teach him how to cook him a set of meals you know when i went to college i didn't know how to do nothing so i kept a i kept a woman i kept a woman because i didn't know how to do no laundry i didn't know how to cook i didn't know how to do nothing so i had to keep a woman and guess what that did that distracted me from the sports because if i got this woman and she she clean in and she doing all in there she she doing laundry she ironing my clothes i feel like i got to put some pole on her so now i'm putting pole on her now my knees weak now i'm staying up late now i'm missing practice i'm sleeping through class i'm doing all of this because i'm trying to be married and being a playhouse so that i could be taken care of because really i wasn't looking for a wife because i wouldn't raise a look for a wife even though i'm looking for a wife i know what it looked like because i wasn't talked to about relationships i wouldn't talk to about sex i wouldn't talk i wouldn't talk to about relations so i was looking for a mama i could sleep with see you see what that sound like what i mean by that is a lot of young men are raised to look for a woman who do what they mama did but they want to be able to sleep with so really that's about like incest but the woman ain't no kin to him of course but that's what's happening and so we got to understand that and we got to start to move different we got to start to move different and start to think about okay this what i need to do to help prevent this from happening so let so let me see how um look like nia and shava real i don't forgive me if i'm pronouncing your name wrong sister let me unmute your mic okay i can hear you how you say your name it's shavariel shavariel how are you i'm doing good how are you doing great great good how's your family they're doing good you know busy keeping me busy yeah i understand that yeah but your message today has been just amazing and first i just want to thank you for your time um it has really changed me and my household to be better um with this conversation you know you've touched on so many things even as a black woman that's just like really hitting the nail on the head because for me when i was growing up my parents will have a mom and a step dad so my mom and biological dad separated never married but while i was growing up my mom after a certain period of time just stopped paying for me to get my hair done and she left it to me to figure it out and it's just like well i don't have a job you know i'm 13 14 and everything like that my hair is long so not everybody wants to do it and i wasn't like going to like a white like salon hair salon to get it done because they would just like take it down be like whoa like what do we do with it i we've never had that before and so with that she just i'd say up until like 12 13 my mom's just like hey you know your own and then it's just like well you know i play sports i cheerlead all that sweat is in my hair like what do you want me to do and she never taught me anything like especially when it regards to being a woman and it was so unfortunate because there'd be times where i asked my mom like mom you know i'm going through some things down there like what is this and she'd be like stop complaining be like i just asked the question like because i don't know you know and even with not to get too deep into it but even with starting a menstrual cycle my mom never sat down with me to say look you're going to go through this around this age or it could be a little earlier but don't panic this is what's supposed to happen and then this is how you take care of yourself and i've never had that you know and and even with my younger cousins you see that growing up it's just like you know you'll be around somebody be like what's that smell you know and then they'll tell you oh i'm on my period or something like that and it's just like okay well let me let me talk to you for a little bit on how to you know take care of yourself you know if you using a tampon or a pad this is how you wrap it discard it and you make sure you wash out your panties and so even with my younger cousins you just don't see that it's a it's a disconnect why because it's just like when young it seemed like for me my experience for a young black woman once you get to a certain age it's like you're on your own you know no talks about sex no talks about how a man should treat you no talks about how you should treat yourself and that's the damaging part because you're moving through life to say who am i and that was my issue for a lot of years and then you become a people pleaser to say i want to please you instead of pleasing myself doing right for myself and then it could be damaging because you're looking for yourself through other people you know and in that you create traumas for yourself because you do things you're not supposed to do and in that you're just left with broken pieces to to mend yourself because my parents didn't talk to me about it and the most that i've seen throughout my life is my mom work even with her her husband who was making good money that she had to work and them fighting you know physically or whatever the case may be if they had gotten into a fight while me and my brothers were younger the only thing she would discuss with us is hey we're gonna go to your grandma's house for a few days and then that's it and then after my mom and her husband make up then we come back to the house as if nothing happened you know so it's it's like it's so sad because there's so much information that parents can give to say what's right what's wrong to guide us like you said you know especially when it comes to dating just gonna do what they want to do we've done it you know no you're not gonna tell me to see this boy look i'm see this boy after school i don't care what you talking about just tell you i was studying in the library or something like that and even with that you just there's no guidance to really say what things are just to even put you in the right direction to say hey you know i went this way but you don't have to but let me show you like you said when you talk into your son hey if you want to have sex well here's what you at risk for and so even with that you just have to i'm glad you said what you said because it's teaching me how to be a better parent because sometimes i forget you know and i have a black son so at a certain age for young black boys we call them you know little man and something like that and i had to stop that because it was giving me the wrong perception about my young son he's five and so what i was starting to do was okay you can go on okay i don't i don't need to hold the door for you or or make sure your shoes are tied you got it and i had to say wait no he still needs your help so help him teach him how to tie his shoes how to put it on his shirt simple things like you said brushing your teeth washing your face these are like literally the most essentials that we can learn in life that we aren't being taught that we haven't been taught and that's not to say you know my parents were blaming my parents they only taught me what they could but at some point you just got to be like okay i wasn't taught that but let me expose you to how to be better you know i always had that quote to say i don't have to be exposed to drugs to know that i don't want to do it so why then can we not flip that on the better side to say not i haven't had a million dollar house but i i can figure out how to get there you know and how to be better and move forward so i'm just looking at that to say it's always knowledge out there whether it's books now we have technology but it really depends on a person's willingness to be better to do better even when we don't know how but there is also something that you can do to move forward to say hey look i want better and i want better for you as a parent i thank you so much for sharing that and um that's real powerful and it's also great that you are looking within and you're saying hey okay let me be a better parent and you're also recognizing like okay my son is five and i'm already turning him over to manhood but yeah he's a child and i and i did the same thing i learned that from my wife and she told me just being more sensitive because her mama baby her as well and did the same thing we all kind of suffer from it in in our own way and my wife played four sports i played two or three and so we were both baby so we both came into our relationship not knowing how to cook not knowing how to clean not knowing how to iron not knowing how to do laundry neither one of us knew how to do anything so we had to learn life and how to be adults on our own and my wife was 19 so she was a baby i was 21 still technically a baby and i was wanting to you know pump my sons and six months shut up stop crying you know and carrying that down and my wife she didn't tell me like listen it's it's it's ages it's levels like when he is five then you could start or do work like this but not at two and then when he's seven and when he's eight and i had to soften up and learn how to be softer and my oldest my youngest son is eight years old he just learned how to tie shoes and which is sad in the sense of the way i look at it but at the same time i understand he second grade going to third grade is behind and it's from him just always having shoes that don't have laces or shoes he get laces mama time up for him and we rip and run and we move and as parents we had to look realize like hey we need to slow down something start making sure we teach him more lessons and that we really preparing them and it's always two sides to it some people they child could read and write at three years old and tie the shoes at two and and then yet be you know having a baby at 13 and so we have to find our weaknesses versus just bragging about our strengths and keep working as parents and so i thank you for sharing that and we got a couple people here in the chat i really appreciate you know y'all coming on thank you so much thank you for your time awesome and um let me see that was that was really good and and i say that to say you know she said where her mom did and i this is something for us to think about because i think we all guilty of it in some way or another but this what i was talking about like she said her mom and her mom's husband they would get in the fights and then she would send them to the grandma house and then have them come back like everything was fine and then just kind of like stop helping her stop talking to her and it's not even that her mom didn't know what to teach her or what to tell her because her mom was grown woman so she knew by then what to do but it was just being exhausted from her own life being fed up with her own life being tired with her own life and like she said her mom husband she didn't say my daddy so i'm guessing that was her stepdad but a mama could look at her daughter and be like oh you 13 my husband looking at you own like the way my husband looking at you and the daughter don't even know it that she getting a sweeter voice and that might not be that particular case but i'm saying this happens all the time because one of the things that's the most mind boggling thing to me and neah i'ma brand you on one of the most mind boggling things to me is when i'm coaching a woman and she tells me about the vitriol and the hate between her and her mom and like the mom abuse and so i started this and this happened with men as well but i want to i want every woman on here who raising a daughter to think about how you treat your daughter are you bullying your daughter are you turning your daughter into the mean girl or are you the mean girl and treating your daughter like the outcast and i want moms really to think about that because the woman is so important in society and the woman's role is so important in society but if mothers are breaking their daughters then those daughters going to break their daughters or those daughters going to try to overcompensate and end up enabling their daughters and going to the complete opposite end of the spectrum because of how much hate and mistreatment they got from their mom but we have to be able as humans to find a healthy balance and how we deal and interact and so that's a great you know thing to think about uh nia is that how i say it nia yeah that's how you say it how are you i'm fine how are you doing can you hear me yep i can hear you great okay and uh so i actually have a very similar background at shivario where it's like after that certain point or those major moments that you really need your mom or need another woman you don't really get that guidance it's pretty much stay away from boys and you know what to do you know you're supposed to innately know what to do and i realize that a lot of times especially for single moms motherhood we're not really taught that it should be our first priority your first priority is supposed to be to make money and so me being a single mom i have a son and i in the beginning money it was like okay i gotta make money i gotta make money and then i was never seeing my son you know we were just it was not good and so when i started building my relationship with god and really just learning how to okay trust that he will provide for us you know and learning how to um just put motherhood first it's like i am able to like spend more time with my son and teach him more and give him that one-on-one help without getting frustrated or you know like without being so exhausted from work because although i love my job it's not a higher priority to me than being his mom and um so my main question is really for because my son is seven and it's like he's seen things on youtube you know good it's like we talk about it and it's like i try to keep that floor open for him to tell me things like that but it's like he's seven and it's like one day he came home and a little girl here wrote her it was wrong she couldn't spell but she wrote her address you know on the paper like wanting him to come over or like girls are wanting like they want to hold his hand they want to kiss him on the cheek you know and i'm telling him you know hey you're young focus on your sports you know keep your body to yourself you know like i'm trying to have these talks with him but it's hard when i know these young ladies are probably not having those talks at home so it's like how do you um and i'm trying to uh because i've taken my notes you know everything that you say and like other fathers that i trust i'm like okay you know that's something that i should talk to him about but it's like i don't want him to like be naive or fear women but at the same time i want him to like if they want to be kissing all of you and stuff you know it's like i want him to be able to say no or you know like i don't want that so it's just like i don't really as a mom i don't it's easy for me to say just no girls you know like no no girls but i know as he gets older it'll look differently so it's just like how do you navigate like girls being attracted to your sons you know or things like that where you know how you're raising them but that's not always the norm to be raising your child to you know respect their bodies and stuff like that thank you that's a great um a great question and here's the thing now my take on that first we have to understand that no parent is perfect that's the first thing we have to understand that we're all going to make mistakes when it comes to parenting and to be honest with you too a lot of times you'll see behavioral scientists or you'll see these people who try to teach us how to parent but and they're speaking to us and telling us what to do and what to say and they got this thing called toxic parenting and i saw one of the lines that i've heard and that i've used like you know who pay for your phone bill but they calling that toxic parenting and it's like no that's gratitude helping your child understand where they help is coming from and that they need to be grateful you teaching gratitude instead of just making them feel like they got ownership to a free phone or a tablet or you know all of this stuff so now but there's people talking are the same people who will let their kids curse them out who their kids the world is their oyster their kids don't have to worry about interaction with the police their kids don't have to you know go through what your son may have to go through and so you have to understand for you in your wisdom knowledge and understanding and where your heart is at what makes sense to you because see you being a woman you also realize that women mature faster than men so little girls mature faster than little boys and so it is totally fine to teach your son healthy boundaries and to say listen don't let like this is a private area this is a private area do not let anybody touch your private area no one can kiss you either except for your mom and if you gotta you know your grandmother whatever your list is that you okay with kissing your son on the cheek or kissing him on the lips you give him that list and if that list is just you that's totally fine and so I had to teach my my youngest son he ate he had a little friend that is in a single parent home but his mom is a really busy lifestyle so he was being raised by the tablet and he would kiss on my son but I also from hearing on the other side from hearing from people say that who is in a gay lifestyle some of them say that I was born that way and some of them say I felt it at a young age so I say well I don't know what this young man feeling so I had to teach my son listen son don't ever let a boy or girl in your class kiss you on the cheek on the lips I say you do not do that and I had to teach him that because I didn't know if this little boy was so far advanced that he had already understand his sexual preference and he would kiss it on my son out of an attraction or if this just was him being nice but I had to teach him and also just for safety and health reasons you can you can adjourn mono all of this and so we're gonna make mistakes but I could tell that you take care of yourself you love yourself the fact that you on here the fact that you seeking you know wisdom and knowledge and understanding that speaks volume so you got to trust you you know if you were sitting on here smoking weed you know you drunk and you acting a fool then I'd be like listen you can't trust you you need to read a book but you got the stability and you in the right place you doing the right thing with your life so that you know and so when I say we should raise our sons to understand relations and to look for a wife and to be marriage minded of course we can't do that at seven years old and even 10 years old that's really around 13 when they want to start really dating but before that it's about teaching those boundaries good touch bad touch and all the things that we know and just not feeling bad about it and it's also something to be mindful of to just think about the difference between boys and girls and how these young girls giving him the address and that whatever they watch it on tv or whether they like what in the world like where's your parents and he's like can you take me there and he's thinking like oh she just wants to be my friend or you know like right because he doesn't I don't date really around you know like he doesn't right a lot of stuff so he's like can you take me there and at the same time too sometimes I think well maybe the little girl just doing what she's seen and she see a couple maybe she see a two-parent household maybe she see hugging maybe she see kissing maybe she don't understand it which I would I would like to hope she don't understand it and she's not going to try to you know be intimate but I think a lot of times kids doing what they see and we were just in on vacation and we had another family and it's a little girl that's my son's age the eight-year-old and the whole week it was like they was on a date like the whole out on the beach running on the sand and they're playing in the and it just I mean looking into each other eyes and it just looked like they was dating but we realized they genuinely being friends and neither one of them really was thinking on that you know level that we looking at it as and so keep doing what you're doing and I really appreciate you you know chime in sharing your voice and you know keep going thank you I appreciate you do awesome and I will say you know to y'all to the mothers and even the fathers that's raising boys but especially to the mothers it's so easy as a mom when you raising your son I notice you know even with my wife you want to be his friend you want to be his confidant you you do so much for him but yet as boys we can give our dad more credit than he deserves more credit than he wants or more credit than he has earned and we can like a child can take everything from a mama and then go that is amazing that is amazing thank you daddy daddy is daddy that daddy that but the mom is really toiling and sweating and really in the trenches with that child and so a lot of times it's easy for a mother to enable her child and not hold her child accountable because she's afraid that the child is going to not like her anymore and say I want to go live with my dad and I want to and the child may say that and you just got to trust the fact that you operating from love that you doing what's best for your child and that when it means the most your child will understand your intentions and why you were consistent and why you held him accountable or her accountable and you did it from love you weren't abusive you weren't controlling you weren't toxic it just you knew what was best for your child and eventually we find that out any of us who had a parent or any adult who did what was best for us and we didn't like it at that moment it hit us later and we go back to them and say you know what thank you so much for doing that thank you for being that person and so we got to think about that and I'm gonna take one more if let me see the Jasmine did you mean to be on the thing okay I'm gonna add Jasmine and then we'll go and wrap it up after that so don't y'all hop in here if you didn't get in here hello hear me yep I can hear you okay thank you for your previous comments because what you had just said it made me think of oh my gosh this is my son coming um but it made me think of how I was initially after my son was born um his dad and I oh my gosh I didn't want you on camera but his dad and I we got married right before I graduated undergrad and our son was born later in November but when he was initially born up until probably about six months ago I was that parent that was I didn't want to be too hard with him I wanted to be nice but I also wanted him to respect me but he didn't really respect me because if I would tell him like don't do that or put it down he would immediately just like take off running like I was playing a game but I noticed when his dad would tell him something he listened and so my mom she was like you're not stern enough with him I'm like what do you mean like I get serious and stuff it's just like that's not stern it's just raising your voice um but doing some work on myself getting closer to God um and I've been watching a lot of your videos your videos have really just helped me to change my mindset about how I operate how I see things and how I do things and I um learned to put my foot down so he listens to me a bit more but the thing I'm more concerned about now is his dad and I are going through a divorce and his dad is in the military so our son is primarily with me his dad will be stationed in Hawaii soon um and so he'd only really see him during the holidays he's still active in his life but because he's military he doesn't see him often and so I wanted to know for those of us who are single moms raising sons what approach should we be taking as a woman because my biggest thing is I want to continue to operate in my feminine but I want my son to respect me and be raised with values and know that I mean business when I tell him things but at the same time not sacrifice my feminine for masculine energy because personally I I told God I'm like Lord I wasn't made for the role of a man to teach my son how to be a man but his dad is not here to teach him those things and he has his own issues to work on so I'm like I'd rather both of us be working on our sales so we're teaching him the right thing and not the wrong thing but for now because I'm in this season um we're getting ready to walk into the season of fully being single and just raising him to be a little boy how should I approach that um because I still want to be the nice gentle kind and loving mom but at the same time it's like I know now I have to really put my foot down with him so that he doesn't run over me how old is he he will be three in November okay okay so and um I'll tell you this when you're raising a boy and as a mom the thing about it is you don't have to switch from the feminine to the masculine and that's one thing that a lot of moms don't realize because feminine is not weak and masculine is not strong it's just a difference between a female and a male but a feminine energy is strong and so you be naturally and authentically and organically you whatever you tell him tell him in the voice that is natural for you you ain't got to get deep you ain't got to get loud you ain't got to throw a curse word you ain't got to stomp nothing slap nothing and then how he responds is a reflection of just his growth it's just showing you this is a young male and I see it even with my 15 year old and my wife she's kind of what we used to call a tomboy and I don't know if that's a cancelable term today but my wife played a lot of sports and she real scene kind of tough but guess what I was talking about 15 year old the other day and he said he said dad you know mom is an M&M and you got to understand that you know she's hard on the outside she's soft on the inside as a 15 year old he could read his mama and he know that and so when she tells him something to do he talked back to her and he say what he's thinking and I was I sit right there sometimes I was sitting right there and I told her I said listen this is your relationship with him you got to get to the place to where he respond to your voice and he respect your authority in case I'm not there and I may not always be there now when I talk to him I give him room and permission to speak back to express himself to say what he's thinking and feeling but he don't talk to me the way he talked to his mom but he do also as a male understand male and he understand male energy and he in a to a certain degree he realized that with a man I could get punched in the mouth and it could hurt like I could get roughed up and so it's an innate fear and a man does not have an innate fear of a woman but has an innate respect of a woman and so your feminine energy is you're able to balance being stern and being loving and that's where you want to stay because when he's sick he's running to you when he's crying he's running to you when he needs help and he's hurting he's going to come to you so my sons they know I'm here they know I work they know I help pay bills they know I love them but anything they need they go to their mama first but yet they don't necessarily listen to her on the first time she says something and it's not even they they're not even being disrespectful they're just saying that's mom that's unconditional love she loves me she respects me whereas dad that's conditional love like he loved me but it don't go as deep that river don't run as deep as mom love and so that's something that's innate and so but the key to this though is consistency that's the key is sometimes whatever you do to reprimand him sometimes we do it this time and then we don't do it the next time and then sometimes we do it this time and we don't we skip two times and so when you're not consistent with it then that's when this little boy and even little girls they'll read that and be like oh last time I did this I cried and I got out of time I or I cried and I got my toy back but when they are shown consistency and they see that and they he's getting the same pattern so consistency but also patterns and routines so at 18 months we put our son in soccer so he getting ready to be 18 months they got soccer so when you drive around start looking around start looking at the little signs start and google you know soccer for 18 month old or soccer for toddlers we put our son in soccer at 18 months so now you're giving them you're giving him structure you're giving him appointments you're giving him places to be his coach may be a man or it could be a woman but typically it's going to eventually going to be a man and so now he's going to hear that masculine energy it's a different person so now he's learning how to respect people in general and how to listen because his friends getting in the game because they listening and he's not playing because he's not listening or he gets to play because he listens and they don't get to play because they're not listening so now he he learns this response and reward now he starts to see okay if i'm listening i get rewarded just like when i listen to mom i get rewarded if i don't listen i get in trouble so don't change don't change don't be distant don't be cold don't try to be like a man don't try to think what would his dad say what would his dad do what would a man say what would a man do do what come natural to you as a mom because you got an innate ability that cannot be taught that cannot be explained and it's going to pay off when you least expect it and one thing about boys we'll go to the end of the world to the end of the world and back for our mom we'll kill for our mama we may seemingly disrespect her by not listening or by back talking but we will kill for our mama we will die for our mama we'll take a hundred lives for our mama that love there runs so deep a man literally will go broke go into the negative paying his mama bills take care of his mama that love is a love that you can't put into words so as long as you operate in from love as long as you operate from love and not frustration not anger not you know you disgruntled or mad with his dad but you operate from love your son gonna feel that and he's gonna respect if you consistent and you own so i appreciate you popping on here thank you thank you and that point about consistency i will definitely say it's true because i wasn't consistent at first um and so now i've been more consistent on top of being stern and so he actually listens to me um he still tries me like he did at the church today but um definitely staying consistent they they listen they pay attention so thank you for that thank you thank you and you know what that's the biggest thing that i would say to everybody is like it's just consistency is when we are consistent like even we can come back from vacation and i haven't been consistent i haven't been on my son my oldest son so he's been keeping this he's been keeping his phone past 9 30 or 9 o'clock he was turning his phone his bedtime 10 30 he been up past 10 30 because i haven't been consistent i've been kind of chilling and i've been telling myself i said to myself i'm tired of parenting and that's how it is that's how that's how we are i'm like i'm tired of parenting man i'm tired of keep having to check in and keep having to tell him do this do that like you're gonna be able to do this on your own but no he's not he's a child he gonna do what a child gonna do and so we got to think about this if you missed any of this i see some people just not coming on but um and watching the beginning of the video and commenting not realizing that we that we uh that we live and that we far ahead but um if you missed enough make sure you catch it and get the seat you know what we was talking about on here because we we was all over the place and touched on a lot of different things but the key to walk the takeaway and this is what we got to understand the takeaway is we have to if you don't have kids then it's about you if you don't have kids it's about you and it's about your mindset it's about you looking yourself in the mirror and identifying where you are operating from identify what pain or trauma or experience or beliefs that you have brought from your childhood into your adulthood what are you projecting when you look at something what is your perception of what you see in the world in the dating world in the race world what are you seeing and what are you internalizing what are you telling yourself are you telling yourself you're unworthy are you telling yourself you're less than are you telling yourself you're undeserving are you telling yourself that it'll never happen for you that it's never coming what are you saying to yourself how are you viewing things what are you internalizing really do that deep work for yourself. Do that deep work on you. And then if you raise in kids, understand that you have to be intentional. You gotta be intentional and taking and teaching your sons and daughters from your mistakes, teaching from the things you weren't taught and preparing them and creating whole individuals, teaching them how to take care of themselves, how to love themselves, what is integrity, what is character, the little thing, washing your face twice a day, brushing your teeth twice a day, taking a shower every day, washing your hair on schedule, getting your hair done on schedule, clipping, little thing like clipping their nails, the hands and their feet and making sure their nails is clean, making sure their breath ain't stained, just making sure that you are operating in excellence as it relates to your children. And I remember all the time my wife used to be like, man, I can't believe these moms, they don't have to work, but yet they child come into school wrinkle and their clothes so wrinkle and don't have a belt on or belt all bunched up, pants all bunched up, clothes don't fit, shoes untied. And there was a time, it was a lady, they were the boys, they were doing a photo shoot at school and the photographer, when my wife went to pick up my son, the photographer went up to my wife and said, you know, I can tell that you are an amazing mom. And my wife was like, really how so? And she said, because we did this shoot, the kids had to take their shoes off. And she said, you would be surprised how some kids toes, toenails and dirt, how they, how some kids toes look and smell. She said, your son toenails were clipped perfectly, no dirt under them and no smell. She said, that let me know you are an amazing mom. And one thing I noticed is that my wife, she literally has a schedule of clipping their fingernails, clipping their toenails, making sure they clean, washing their hair, combing their hair because they got longer hair and making sure they brush their teeth twice a day, making sure they wash their face twice a day, making sure they lotion twice a day. Like things that we don't even think about but it teaches routine, it teaches cleanliness, it teaches responsibility. So my son go to Italy to play soccer. He had some roommates that had crumbs on the floor and stuff everywhere. He went in that room, he kicked them boys out his room because they was visiting. He kicked them boys out of the room. He made his roommates clean up the room. He went off and then he came to our room fuming. He was hot that them boys had Doritos on his bed. And it's because he had been raised to be clean. Make your bed every morning, clean your room every day. And now I'm getting ready to take him to Germany for soccer. And he just, he noticed and he'll come and he'll say, dad, I only know one boy that shower every day, wash his face every day, brush his teeth twice a day like me. Out of his whole grade, he says one boy that says clean as me. And out of all of that, and I say that to say it's not easy, but what this is doing is this preparing for the future. This teaching and raising. And we got to do differently. Cause it is a sad state of affairs when we look at adult men today. I'm ashamed a lot of times of myself and ashamed of my peers and me and my age and just how sorry we could be, how lazy we could be, how disrespectful and controlling we could be to women. And it's sad, but if we can't help us and we can't change us, the least we could do is make sure that we raise men and not boys. So, hey, God bless y'all and we'll be in touch. And one thing I don't take lightly is the power of these hill conversations cause one person could change the way they do things and it changed the trajectory of their son or daughter life and they go into the world and they touch millions of people. So I do not take this here lightly. So, hey, God bless y'all and we will be in touch. Lord willing, I'll be on here tomorrow, maybe a regular video, not sure I go live, but God bless and we'll talk soon. Thank you to the blessed tribe and thank you to the moderators if we had any another night and to the Patreon and y'all stay tuned for the next week, the little episode. Oh, I'm up here talking and the study, I think, released tonight. I'm on here talking in an interview on the study release. If you're not subscribed to the study, make sure you subscribe at the study with, come on, guys, join me, I think it is. But I think an interview release tonight at nine, look, I got too much going on, running too many operations, but make sure you subscribe and I'll share that on the page here when I get off of here. God bless you, we'll talk soon. Hey, and oh, last thing I'm gonna say, y'all bear with me now on the study. This is a lesson, this is a lesson in going in spite of. Y'all see the episodes, some of them got bad lighting, some of them got bad sound, some of them got bad lighting and sound and you would think, and for me it's hard and it's embarrassing because you would think at this level of my business and been doing this 15 years that everything would be pristine, everything would be beautiful, everything would be top notch. I'm not gonna be able to get like celebrity guests and all of that with their bad sound and bad lighting, but I'm just working out the kinks and got to keep pressing through, but that's a lesson on going in spite of and doing and not waiting until every light is green before you leave home. And so we got to do it. You're like a kid who just said, do it ugly, that's what I'm gonna have to do till it get right. God bless you, we'll talk soon.