 Screen Directors Playhouse stars Rosalind Russell, Jeff Chandler, production-hired wife, director, William Citer. This is the Screen Directors Playhouse, the Thursday night feature on NBC's All-Star Festival of Comedy, Music, Mystery and Drama. Brought to you by Chesterfield, the only cigarette that gives you mildness, plus no unpleasant aftertaste. The cigarette that brings you Bing Crosby and Bob Hope. By the makers of Anison for fast relief from the pain of headache, neuritis and neuralgia. And by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television. Tonight the Screen Directors Playhouse is pleased to present a comedy for springtime. Here is our adaptation of the perils of a private secretary, hired wife. And here are our stars Rosalind Russell and Jeff Chandler. I'm Kendall Browning. I'm Stephen Dexter. Cement is my business. And it's always business. With all New York to choose from, I had to fall for a man with a head full of cement. I draw your attention to my private secretary. She has horn-rimmed glasses and a poised pencil. She also has a deep conviction that businessmen are just big little boys. She puts lollipops in my cigar box. That's Kendall Browning. Now here's Chesterfield's answer to Serino de Bergerac. Bob Hope. I'd top easy, Dad, but we only have a minute here to sell Chesterfield. Okay, well, let's get to it. Better tasting Chesterfield is the only cigarette that combines for you mildness with no unpleasant aftertaste. The mildness is a cinch to prove. You just make the Chesterfield mildness test. You know, open a pack and enjoy that milder aroma. Then smoke them and you'll know that Chesterfield's a milder. And Chesterfield leaves no unpleasant aftertaste. That fact has been confirmed by the country's first and only cigarette taste panel. So make our cigarette your cigarette. The reasons go together like this. My Chesterfield, Chesterfield, the one that proves its case. Yes, Chesterfield's our milder, milder post-no aftertaste. Oh, oh, open a pack and give them a sniff. Then you'll smoke them. Now for the first act of the Screen Director's Playhouse presentation of Hired Wife. Starring Rosalind Russell as Kendall Browning and Jeff Chandler as Stephen Dexter. You'll notice that once again, spring has happened. This phenomenon is accompanied by certain changes among the birds, the bees, the flowers, and a private secretary named Kendall Browning. Oh, it's not really me, Mr. Wallington. It's my boss, Stephen Dexter, of Dexter Cement. Something happens to Stephen when the snow disappears. I know. The first spring I worked for him, he made a pass at me and I put him in his place. That's where I made my first mistake. He stayed there. The second spring, I made a pass at him, but a redhead got there first. So take it from me, girls. Don't try to make love to a cement mixer. You end up with sand in your eyes, rocks in your head, and you're hard in a sling. Anyway, here we go again. It's open season on Steve Dexter, and I've got my gun loaded. It's been loaded for so long, my powder's getting moldy. Spring. Morning, William. Morning, Miss Kendall. Isn't it a beautiful spring day? I've seen better springs on a second-hand mattress. Did you notice the lovely breeze? A breeze is nothing but an undeveloped sneeze. What's the matter, Miss Kendall? Aren't you happy? Now, just tell me one thing. Did Mr. Dexter arrive yet? Oh, yes. He came in singing. Singing? I'll bet it was the funeral march in the key of Kendall Browning. Even my wife noticed the weather. She says now that it's spring, I'll feel primitive, savage urges. And you know what? What? She put an extra jam sandwich in my lunch. Well, don't let the lettuce go to your head. Now, just type these reports, William. I'm going to have a talk with Mr. Dexter. Yes. A little lovely day, isn't it? Here, I'll open the window. Now, hold my pencil and I'll jump. What's the matter with you? Oh, nothing, Stephen. It's just that every spring it gets thick. What gets thick? My blood and your head. Now, do you mind if we get down to business? I'm ready. Oh, have you received an answer to your bid on the subway job? We've got the contract. Oh, Stephen, that's wonderful. Just one hitch, though. General Cement Corporation. That bunch of cutthroats. Roger Van Horn told me that... I know what he said. That's what I'd pay a lawyer for. They'll try every trick they know to get the contract away from us. Let them try. I'll stick to our cement as if it was glue. Stop worrying, Kendall. Come on. Enjoy the spring. The trouble with you is you've got too much jam in your sandwiches. Huh? Never mind. Oh, who's the bathing suit in the advertising layout? Oh, Phyllis, she's my new idea for an ad campaign. Isn't she a vision of blonde loveliness? I knew it. Just your type. Blonde, blushing and blousy. She happens to be a very talented model. I can see that. If she had any more talent, she'd burst her Catalina. We'll get used to her. She's going to be our new trademark. Isn't that nice? Little Annie's cement. Who is she? Her name's Phyllis Walton. Someday it may be Dexter. Sure, sure. Her name will be Dexter and yours will be Mud. Are you thinking of marrying that bleached peach? Now stop it, Kendall. She'll be here soon to discuss a contract. You show her in immediately. Now, where on earth did you ever dig her up? I happened to see her in an automobile advertisement. Oh, and you were fascinated by the rumble seat. I was fascinated by the advertising prospects. Come, come. What we need is a warm human campaign, something with sex in it. I get it. The cement you love to touch. I want my cement to have personality. Sure, sure. Like perfume. Chanel number clunk. You're my secretary, you know. Not my partner. I know. Okay, boss. And show Miss Walton in immediately. Of course, Walton. I got a good mind to toss her right out on her pneumatic drill. Oh, tell her that Mr. Dexter will see her right... No. Send her in here to me. Spring, I'll probably hate myself for this in the fall. Stephen's secretary. I'm Kendall Browning, Stephen's private secretary. There's a difference, you know. What's the difference? Well, with one you get notebooks, with the other you get nylons. Let me see your legs. You're just made for the cement business, aren't you? What you want is cement bags. What? As a model, I mean, for advertising. Yes, go on. Well, the deal is off. Mr. Dexter changed his mind just before he left for Chicago. Chicago? What did he go there for? Same old thing. This is his eight children. I didn't even know he was married. Oh, yes. He's been married so often. He uses old wedding rings to fix leaky faucets. But didn't he say anything else about me? He wanted me to advertise some damn he was building. Well, now, if you really want to know, he's changed his mind. He says he doesn't give a girl for that damn. Believe it. Uh-huh. He said, now let's see what did he say. Oh, yes. He said, tell Ms. Goofy Pan she can't peddle her kisser to Steve Dexter. What? Uh-huh. That's what he said. Oh, Kendall, is Ms. Walden here? Oh, Phyllis, darling. Oh, pardon me while I go out and dine a few doilies. Last trip to Chicago. Chicago? What about Chicago? I've got no business in Chicago. Only eight kids. If it wasn't business, it sure couldn't have been pleasure. Kendall, what's this all about? Now, now, Steven, don't get yourself excited. I'll explain everything just as soon as you're finished with Ms. Paroxa. I mean, Ms. Walden. Kendall, why do you do these things? Ms. Walden was so upset she sobbed her heart out. Well, was that what fell on the floor? Cash register. Telling Phyllis those wild stories. Well, now it was for your own good, Steven. Every spring your young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of-of man traps. You plant those tender romances. They're warmed by the summer sun. They grow, and by harvest time you've got yourself a nice batch of lawsuits. Phyllis happens to be a lady. Ms. Tokyo Rose, and she's still in jail. Kendall, you're my strong right hand. I can't run this business without you, but stop fiddling in my private affairs. All right, all right, you can have Phyllis. And while she fiddles, brother, you'll be smelling something burning, your bank account. Hey, hey, hey, that was a good one. Hit him again and see if you can draw blood. Oh, hello, Roger. Come on in, Roger. I can use a good lawyer. My, my, isn't it a lovely spring day out there? Yes, yes, isn't it? Take Steven to the zoo and give monkeys indigestion. The brain like yours, he wouldn't have to buy any peanuts. Now, look, look, look. You kiddies really want to fight. I suggest you save it for a bigger scrap. What's that, Roger? General Cement. They're gnashing their teeth over losing that subway contract. Oh, let them gnash. We've got it sewed up. They're talking awfully tough, boy, and they're holding a board meeting this afternoon. Latimer wants us to be there. What do we care what he wants? They might try to pull something dirty. So, we go. Don't worry, Roger. That strong right hand of yours is going to make like a fist. Dexter, we're bringing an injunction against you the first thing in the morning. It's a technicality. It's a trick. My lawyer will have it lifted in 24 hours. We'll tie up every penny you own, Dexter. Every cent. By the time you pry our injunction loose, you'll have lost the subway contract. Now, that's unfair. Of course it is, but it's legal. Now, you remember this. The victory is not to the strong alone. No, but that's the way to bet. And there's nothing you can do about it. Oh, Stephen. Good last look at the office. Stephen Dexter cement company's on the way out. We better take home a few sacks. I hear they make good tents. Now, please, Roger, there must be something we can do. There's something I'd like to do. All right, William, you're excused. I mean, I'd like to help. I've got a few thousand dollars. Oh, thank you, William, but I'm afraid we need more than a few thousand. Oh. Well, if you need mine, it'll take a few days. It's in my wife's name, and Snookums gives it to me a dime at a time. I'm handing everything over to your wife. You haven't got a... What's it? You've got to get married. Huh? Well, it's the only way to protect your money. Married. Well, you promised to love honor and collect 3% interest. I'll put every last penny in your wife's name. Every sack of cement, even your house, you'll have to... You mean the only way I can save my business is to give it away? Well, it'll just be a formality. See, after a few weeks, you can get a divorce. Stephen, I was just thinking. All you have to do is find a girl you can trust. Someone who understands your problem. Someone close to you. Kendall, you'll write and you know who she is. Oh, Stephen. Come on now, you'll have to be married tonight, and you can't do that in New York. But let's see, you'll have to fly to Charleston. Oh, well, I'll have to go home and change my clothes. Why? For the trip. Oh, sorry, we won't need any bridesmaids. Bridesmaids? What do you think, Phyllis Walden? Let's get busy. I'll make a list of all my property. Here, Roger, you drop the transfer papers. Right. Miss Collins, get two reservations on the next plane for Charleston. And Kendall, you go ask Phyllis Walden to marry me. What? Well, you can't expect me to go. I'm too busy. Oh, what do you want me to do? Drag her here by the hair of her phony eyelashes? Please, Kendall, I need your help. You don't need me. You need Dorothy Dix. Oh, look, Kendall, Kendall, you're a woman. Oh, you're just making that up. Another woman, you'll explain to her. No matter what you now take for a headache relief, we urge you to try anison, for the incredibly fast relief these tablets bring, the next time you're suffering from a headache. Now, the reason anison is so wonderfully fast-acting and effective is this. Anison is like a doctor's prescription. That is, anison contains not just one, but a combination of medically proven active ingredients in easy-to-take tablet form. Thousands of people have received envelopes containing anison tablets from their own dentist or physician. And in this way, discovered the incredibly fast relief anison brings from pains of headache, neuritis, or neuralgia. So the next time a headache strikes, take anison for this wonderfully fast relief. Anison, A-N-A-C-I-N. Anison at any drug counter in handy boxes of 12 and 30. Economical family size bottles of 50 and 100. And now the second act of the Screen Directors Playhouse presentation of Hired Wife, starring Rosalind Russell and Jeff Chandler. You, Browning. I'm working my way through college. Do you want to buy a cement mixer? Bader shop, down the hall. Why don't you just drop in? Oh, I hope it is. Mr. Dexter sent me. Well, come on in. I'm just dressing. My. You have a stunning figure. Stunning? Just like a blackjack. Yours, my dear. Looks like it was weaned on Rye Chris. Shall we go round again? Come on, get on with it, Browning. Your lies are so corny, they're fascinating. Mr. Dexter wants you to marry him tonight. He does? Well, hush my mouth. I'd love to. I don't know whether to say yes or no. Well, why don't you stand on your constitutional rights and just mumble? But what kind of a gag is this? Now look, Walden, I'm not batting for Cupid. This is strictly business. Whose business? Your business. This can put you within spending distance of some very serious sugar. I'm listening. Go on. Well, Stephen and all his money will be waiting for you at the airport at five o'clock. Flying to Chicago again, I presume. No, no, Charleston. Oh, I've never been married in Charleston. Really, Browning, you must think I'm an awful dope. Well, I'm just telling you. You'd love to go back to Stephen and say that Walden number has a price tag, but I'm not that kind of a girl. You're a head kid. Work yourself up. Well, you can tell him I'd love to marry him tonight. But my true so is in the laundry. Just like you, Walden, all washed up. Well, it's a great girl. If I weren't paying two alimonies already, she could have me. I happen to appeal to masterful women. That's Kendall, all right. Never understand why she never took up weightlifting. She'll have fellas here any minute. Sure hope she's the right girl for you, Steve. Oh, certainly she's right. Why shouldn't she be? Well, she could make it kind of gruesome for you, controlling all your assets. Why, if Phyllis wanted to, she could take everything. And there you'd be, poverty-stricken, miserable, groveling, destitute, emaciated, penniless. Here, take this dime for a cup of coffee. Look, Roger, I happen to be of sound mind, and I... Oh, Steve! There's, can't see. Well, where's Phyllis? Phyllis isn't with her. Oh, Steve! Said no. You mean she wouldn't come? Not for love and not for money. Well, there goes my business. You want that dime now? Oh, no. Now, you mustn't blame her too much, Stephen. After all, no woman wants to get married just as a favor. Except me. Finished. Everything gone. Steve, you haven't lost it yet. You can still marry someone. Yes, but who? Who? Well, don't look at me. I can't look. Get married tonight. It doesn't matter who, as long as she's a girl you can trust. Any girl. Look, Steve. Now, what girl have you trusted more than any other girl in the world? My mother. Steve. Steve, look at her. Don't you know a wife when you see one? You mean Kendall? But maybe she's busy tonight. Well, I really had planned on reading another chapter of Little Women. She was the last girl in the world. You foolish boy. I am. Ask her, Stephen. Go ahead. Propose. No, no, no. Not until he apologizes for that last crack. Southbound Flight 6, now departing. For Pete's sake, Steve, apologize. Okay, I'm sorry. Well, now ask me to marry you. Propose, Stephen. Tell me what every girl wants to hear. Kendall, will you marry me until all this blows over? Your office from the milkman. Okay, I'll do it. I now pronounce you man and bank account. You kick Roger right in the shins. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Happy learning, Southbound. Pee-buddy, I'll have that on us, sir. D-L-B, Pee-buddy. Dudley LeBlanc, Pee-buddy. Soon who? Be married. Raise your right hand. No, but all we want is... Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so I'll help you, Hannah? I do. Congratulations. You just bought a turnip patch. $5 an acre, please. Well, and you've got your signals crossed, Dudley. All we want is a simple wedding. Ma'am, our weddings is so simple, they're more like funerals. Just love a nice funeral. Yes, sir. Which one of you is the bereave? Oh, brother, somebody's been putting gin in your chitlins. Look, now we're here for the wedding. Whose wedding? Our wedding. Congratulations. How long you've been married? Now, I'll sign the license twice. Now, you get witnesses, or I'll tie knots in your Mason-Dixon line. And in the waiting room, it'll be a dollar extra. Very nice way to be married, is it, Kendall? It can't be helped, Stephen. We'll make up for it. You're a pretty fine person. You should've known me when I was a Girl Scout. I won't forget this, Kendall. Neither will I. It'll keep me awake nights. Steph? Yes, yes, we are. Another wedding makes me cry. Oh, because you're sentimental? Because I hate to see two more lives ruined. Why don't you forget the whole thing and go and take a Turkish bath? I want to be married. Okay, okay, to be split asunder. Thank you, thank you. That woman you got there, she's a troublesome one. How can you tell? Narrow eyes. Never trust her with money. No, no, no. I'm to be entrusted with all his money. That right, mister? Well, yes. I was right the first time. This here is a funeral. Now join hands and get stabbed in the back. Join hands! Now we'll just go in and sign a few papers. Oh, aren't you going to carry me across the threshold? Smell, are you tired? Skip it, sir, Walder. Congratulations. Thanks, it was a lovely wedding. Next time I should break a leg. I couldn't find the rice so I got out a box of corn flakes to throw at you. Well, go ahead and throw them. I ate them while I was waiting. Hey, Roger, did you bring those papers with you? Oh, yeah, yeah, right here. Where do I sign? On this line. Congratulations, Stevie boy. You're broke. This afternoon a husband, tonight a proud pauper. And if there's anything you need, Steven? He didn't even kiss the kissless bride. Quite you. You're not really a bride. I know, I'm just a legal maneuver. He'll raise a family of little affidavits. You're a real friend, Kendall, and I... Well, thank you for marrying me. Sure, any old time. Oh, Steven, let's not kid about it. I know it's just a business arrangement, but it is marriage. I'm glad I didn't know it was going to be like this. Kendall. Yes, Steven. All right, now I... suddenly I'm rather glad I married you. No, no, no, don't. Why, not you, my wife? Not because you wanted me. I'm not a wife, I'm a substitute for Phyllis Walden. She'd be here now if I hadn't... Hadn't what? I hadn't made her refuse your bid. My bid? Yes, the way I put it. I knew she'd turned me down. No one likes to admit she's for sale, even if she is. You mean you treated her in my name as if she were a cheap desk... Oh, she isn't cheap, I'll say that for her. Are you... Steven, I've got the money. You double-crossing little... No, no, no, don't say it, or I'll wash your mouth out with $100 bills. Stop trying to act so confounded married. That's me taking advantage of a technicality like a little old marriage license. Go home, get out of my house. Your house? I suppose you'll hang those legal papers over my head. Ah, Club, you silly with them. The fight you want, you'll get it. Steven, darling, keep this up and I'll cut your bubblegum money. The cigarette burns on my rug. The play will continue in just a moment. But first, here's a word from RCA Victor. Soon another baseball season will be underway. It promises to be the biggest and the best yet. It's the 75th anniversary of the National League and the 50th anniversary of the American Circuit. And these milestones attest to the enduring enjoyment we derive from our national pastime. It's the American way, baseball today. So get out to the park as often as you can. And when you can't be at the game in person, do the next best thing. Root for your favorite team on RCA Victor Million Proof Television. 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The Screen Directors Playhouse. We continue with the third starring Rosalind Russell as Kendall Browning and Jeff Chandler as Stephen Dexter. Stephen? Well, I thought over what I said last night. I'm sorry. You mean you thought over what you did when you signed over all your possessions to me? Well, today's Sunday, and I thought we could spend a pleasant morning talking things over. Stop talking. Well, can I have money for breakfast? You just can't treat a husband this way. That's all. Oh, no. Tell me, husband, do you see this frying pan? Are you going to put eggs in it? No, I'm going to hit you on the head with... My office? Oh, you can't go in there. The boss is busy. The boss? Mrs. Dexter. She's taking over the business. Oh, well, we'll see about that. She said for me to throw you out. Let me see you try. Yes, Mr. Dexter. Mr. Dexter. You just don't have enough jam in your sandwich. It's a lot. Well, it can't be like this. She can't do this. How can this go on? I've been here every day this week and she wouldn't see me. But this is Friday. I'm getting in. Mr. Dexter, what are you hiding behind your back? This. Mr. Dexter, put down that axe. Stand aside. All right. All right. But there's something you ought to know. Out of my way. Your wife's out to lunch. Any message? Yes. She said you would have all the money in the petty cash box for meals. Food. Food at last. How much is there? One dime, two Lincoln pennies, and a three-cent stick. Oh, sure. Two words from you and I'm bankrupt. I tried, but I can't get close enough to kick her. Isn't it? With that water cooler? I'll walk in there and say, Kendall, I want to talk to you. Talk to you. I'm Laura Slavobia. How can I see you like this every day cold, detached, unemotional? What is it you want? I want something to put my arms around and love. Try the head rack. I'm on fire. I'm burning. Oh, go suck a cube of ice. Why do you act like this? Isn't this the way you wanted it? Yes, at first, but now I know you're more than a secretary. You're what I want. A woman, soft and fresh and tender. You don't want a woman. You want a ruba, baby. Don't you see? I think I do. You're desirable. You should be loved and kissed. Steven, what's happened to you? Kissed like this. Oh, Phyllis! What's new in the woodwork, Walden? Being, kissing your secretary. Right on her desk. She's not my secretary anymore. Did you fire her? Worth, he married me. Married? Is this true, Steven? Well, I couldn't help it. I had to marry her. Condition? This place, it just didn't work out that way. My wife means nothing to me. She's just a financial arrangement, right from the start. Well, Adam, if you served him on a silver platter... It's gonna get worse. Someone tip Vladimir of general cement that your marriage isn't bona fide. It isn't. It's an optical illusion. Well, if they can prove that, we're sunk. And they're bound to check up on you. So, candle, you go home and start packing. Good, good. Ship her away. Preferably to lower Slabovia. Away, nothing. Now, we have to make this marriage look good. She's moving to your house. My house? My house? Naturally, your house, your house. Would I move to Roger's house, Roger's house? I think of the position it puts me in. A married woman living in my home. The neighbors will talk. Just nail the marriage license to the door and keep the window shades down. Ah, yes. We Dexter's preferred death to dishonor. My husband, not you the good one I'm gonna marry next. For the last time, I will not take this viper to my bosom. Your bosom? Ha! That looks like the inside of a parentheses. Let's invite some respectable relative or friend to stay at your house and referee. Ah, now that's an idea. Roger? No, no, no, no, wait a minute. Oh, no, no, you don't want me. Oh, yes, we do. I've got long toenails. I'll tear up the sheets. Not since that last lawyer's convention in Chicago. No, no, please. I've moved into his room. Mm-hmm, all fettled away. I hope he enjoys the guest room with you. By the way, do you snore? I used to sleep next to the elevated railway until the passengers complained. I'm glad to hear it. He can plug his ears with cement. Well, we'd better hurry if we're gonna make that movie unless you want to spend the evening with Steven. I'd just as soon spend it with Dodo, the dog face boy. Honestly, Phyllis, the whole thing's a misunderstanding. No, not on the phone, say a candle. Why can't we talk it over here, my place, tonight? We'll be alone, nobody to bother us. Just you and I. Roger? Yes? How would you like to take in that movie alone? Well, how come? Oh, I think I'll just spend a nice, quiet evening at home. Phyllis, I'm so glad you could come. Well, you've got a lot of explaining to do. Oh, before the evening is over, darling, we'll be just like we used to be. Now, give me your coat. I'll put it up in my bedroom. Thank you, Steven. Candle, get out of that bed. I said, you better keep your coat on, Phyllis. It's chilly and all right. Oh, but I'm warm. No complain, it's a lot warmer for me than it is for you. Oh, why? Does this sheet? Don't say that word. Oh, why? Well, it makes me think of snow blindness. There I was in the Arctic. No fire, no matches. No sleeping bags? Oh, that's the trouble. The bag is sleeping right now. Well, that's the way it goes. Some do and some don't. It's been fun, Phyllis. Let's do it again sometime. Good night. Are you sure there's nobody else in this house? Nobody but you and me. And I'll put somebody here. I knew it. That's just the neighbors. They're all wife-beaters. They have a wonderful time. Well, we'll see about that. Well, open your eyes, Steven. What are you afraid of? There's nobody here. There isn't? This is all very strange, Steven. I'll have to consider it carefully. Good night, Steven. Good night, Phyllis. Candle, the window. I don't think I will. What are you doing? Well, it's going to close again. Well, now listen, you she-monster. What's the idea of a... Latimer? Come inside, darling. Imagine you out there catching your death of cold. It should only happen. Now, we've just pulled down the blind. Now, what's the idea of lousing me up with Phyllis? One more peep out of you and I'll yell for Latimer. Very well. But this can last only so long. Surely. Another 40 or 50 years and it'll all be over. Now, you just go off to bed, Stevie Boy. This is only the beginning. Can't you stop that snoring? Oh, oh, Mabel, cut it out. Roger, old man, how about a drink? Easy on the soda. Look, look, this is my home. Why do I have to sleep with you? Huh? Oh, oh, oh, oh, well, because I'm... Until the chaperone. Well, I'm leaving. I'm checking out. No, no, no, wait a minute. No, you don't. No, you don't, you. This is the chaperone I had to chop my head off. Now, see here, Roger. Answer the phone, Mabel. Oh. Who answered it? It's your house. Oh, answer it yourself, you lazy oaf. It must be an easier way. Maybe the foreign legion. Hello. Hello. Who is it? I'm trying to find out. Hello? Hello, Dexter. Now, who's this? Let me speak to Mrs. Dexter. Who? That woman you're supposed to be married to. Oh, her. Wait a minute. General, I think it's Latimer. Well, here, hold the receiver so I can hear, too. Hello? Is this Mrs. Dexter? Yes, Mrs. Stephen Dexter. What proof do you have? Well, come on around. I'll show you my bruises. This is Latimer of General Samantha. Oh, hello, and what can we do for you? Well, frankly, Mrs. Dexter, my associates and I seem to have made a mistake. We doubted that you and your husband were really living together. Oh, we're living all right. Yes. Well, you meet our injunction. We're ready to make a deal. Well, my husband will call you in the morning. Good night. What do you know we did it? Well, Stephen, it's wonderful. I'm so glad. So am I. Now I can get a divorce. Is that all you can think of? I'm just a dreamer. You certainly are, because I'm not going to give you a divorce. That's a good girl idea. What do you mean you're not going to give me a divorce? I suddenly decided that I like being Mrs. Stephen Dexter, that's all. Good night. But I want a divorce. Well, whistle for it. Oh, oh, oh! My toe, you slammed the door on my toe. Answering the phone, my toe. Well, next time try answering with your hand. You might like to know that was Latimer who called. Oh, uh, checking up, eh? Mm-hmm, and we haven't bamboozled. Yeah, we'll never count your bamboozles before they're hatched. Oh, this one's already hatched. We're making a deal. Oh, we beat them, huh? Yep, and now I want a divorce. Oh, right now, or should we wait until more? The sooner the better. Now, how long will it take? Is, uh, kennel willing? In a pig's ear, she's willing. Well, if she fights. And she wills. It'll take years. Years? Your best bet is to disappear and be given up for dead. What are you going to do? I'm gonna make the best of things. Come here, wife. Now, Stephen, now you stop trying to act so, so, so married. That's me. Taking advantage of a technicality like a little old marriage license. Stephen, I know what you've got in your mind, and I wish I didn't. So, if you like being Mrs. Stephen Dexter... Well, I, I, I thought I, I did. Stand still, Mrs. Dexter. Now, you lay a hand on me, and I'll tell Senator Keepover. I'll shower you with all the kisses a wife deserves. Stephen, no, no, no, no, Stephen! I wish you'd make up your mind. Roger, how can I get rid of this woman? Well, not that way, old boy. Do you think of something? With all this going on, all I can think of is Mabel. Why don't you get an unknown? Yes, the most beautiful word in the English language. How long would it take? Oh, a few weeks. We'll just have to show it's been no marriage. It hasn't, has it? No, no marriage, no nothing. Let's keep it that way. Oh, you can testify to that. I'll start proceedings tomorrow. Providing? Providing what? Providing you come to bed. Fairly soon. Now, you know, kiddies... Closes the book. I guess it does. Give up? I'm going home, Stephen. No hurry. Just stand outside. I'll throw your bags out the window. Now you won't have to listen to Roger Snore. I'll get a good night's sleep in my own room. Never mind my things. I'll call for them in the morning. Good night, Stephen. Good morning, Roger. Isn't it a lovely morning for an annulment? Good morning, Cad. Oh, you're grumpy. Didn't you sleep well? How could I sleep while you were in your room? Annuling your annulment. What are you talking about? I did sleep in your room last night, didn't you? I did. Cad? Maybe you'd have slept better if you'd done what I did last night. The way you say that makes my blood run cold. I took a nice warm shower and went right to sleep. And you expect them to believe that in court? Certainly I expect them to believe it. Kendall might tell a different story. Kendall wasn't even here. She went home. She did? She did. I wish I could believe that. Oh, there. That's probably her now. Come to pick up her clothes. Now I'll prove what I said was the truth. Good morning, Stephen. Come on in, Kendall. Just having breakfast. I was talking to Roger here. Can you beat it? He says our marriage can't be a note because he thinks you were in my room last night. He does? Oh, he does. Well, isn't that a scream? He still doesn't know for sure, does he? Kendall, where were you last night? I went home and stayed there. A bold-faced lie if I ever heard one. Oh, he was pretty bold, all right. Tell me, Stephen, did you like my new nightgown? I didn't see any nightgown. That does an absolute thing. What are you doing here? Eating breakfast with my husband? Here, have a bagel. This woman living in your house. Kendall wasn't really here last night. Oh, his hair looks so towseled when he wakes up. I call him my little towseled pomade. You have to believe me. Oh, you never give up, do you? No, I don't. All right, Stephen, I do. I don't bother explaining. He's all yours, Walton. And for your information, Roger, I did spend the night at home. There goes the best secretary a man ever had. That adding machine? She happens to be my wife. Stevie Boy, are you sure you aren't in love with Kendall? Roger. Roger, I've been deserted. My wife walked out on me. I can't imagine why. You big dope, you've been crazy about her all along. Good Lord, I am in love with her. Well, go bring her back. What about you? I'll find something to amuse me. Now, wait a minute. Stop staring at me. His name is Roger Van Horn. I don't care. Kendall, Kendall! Don't shout, dear. Here I am behind the door. Kendall, how could I ever let you go? Of course, Stephen. You never had a chance. Kendall, will you marry me? But we're already married. Oh, yeah. Hello. There must be something we can do. Let's go back and kick Roger right out of the house. Roger, but he's our chaperone. Oh, Stephen, darling, those days are gone forever. Stars will return in just a moment. Next week, the screen director's playhouse will present the beautiful screenplay, Humoresque. And our stars will be Tallulah Bankhead and Stephen Cochran. On April 26th, we are pleased to present Jackpot, starring Miss Margaret Truman and Jimmy Stewart. Now here again are tonight's stars, Rosalind Russell and Jeff Chandler. Take a letter. Oh, still a businesswoman, eh, Roz? No, no, just a grateful actress. So address the letter to the director of Hired Wife and say, Dear Bill, for all you've done in the cause of comedy in so many pictures, and in this one we made together, my deepest thanks. And if I can express my admiration to Roz, I'll take that letter in person. Ladies and gentlemen, may we introduce the director of Hired Wife. And of such grand pictures, there's affairs of Susan and one touch of Venus, Mr. William Citer. Thank you, Roz, Jeff, but there's something I have to say. This show tonight was awfully discouraging. Uh-oh, we did something wrong. It's nothing like that, but the director has a right to be discouraged. When he's worried about all the things the director worries about to make a picture. And then he hears the same story, beautifully done on the air. And there's nothing to worry about, because he doesn't have any of the worries the director usually worries about. In other words, Bill, you're trying to say, I'm worried. I think Bill means he's disappointed because he created all the characters in front of a camera. And there's nothing left for him to do in front of a microphone. Except to say thank you, Roz, Jeff, everyone, and good night. Good night, Bill. Good night. Hard Wife was presented through the courtesy of Universal International Studio, now releasing Bill Maldon's Up Front, starring David Wayne and Tom Uell. Rosalind Russell's newest picture, The Independent Production Teach Me to Love, will soon be released. Jeff Chandler can soon be seen in Smuggler's Island, a Universal International Technicolor production co-starring Evelyn Keyes. William Citer's latest picture is the Paramount production, Dear Brat. Included in tonight's cast were Mary Jane Croft, Jim Bacchus, Robert North, Ken Christie, and Earl Ross. Hired Wife was adapted for radio by Richard Alan Simmons from the screenplay by George Beck. Screen Directors Playhouse is produced by Howard Wiley and directed by Bill Karn. Portions of tonight's broadcast were transcribed. This is Jimmy Wallington speaking, and inviting you to listen next week when we present Humoresk, starring Tallulah Bankhead and Stephen Cochran, with Screen Director Gene Nigalesco. Listen again next week to Screen Directors Playhouse, the Thursday night feature on NBC's All-Star Festival of Comedy, Music, Mystery, and Drama. Listen tomorrow evening to the one and only Duffy's Tavern, the Friday night feature of the All-Star Festival. For good fun, it's William Bendix in The Life of Riley on NBC.