 Hai! Am I too loud? Okay, so this is actually a photo that I took and posted in 2015 on Instagram of myself. So what it says there in terms of caption was after 10 years of building, I'm back to square one, what did I do wrong? So that was actually a reflection at the point of time when I stood outside my toilet and I asked myself really, why did all these things happen to me? And I think after 2 years, that's the title of what I'm talking about today, which is discovering why. I think after 2 years, I finally managed to understand why did all these things happen to me and I think that's what I'm going to share with you today. So this is my life journey. At age 1, I was actually a champion. So a typical joke that a lot of people indicated and said to me is that that was me in terms of photo wise. I won the healthiest and cutest baby award at one month. So they asked, what happened to you now? So that was me at age 1, at age 3. I think that's where if all of you know and you talk to your parents, typical, you know, what they talk about is that for male, you probably start talking at about 9 months or so. For female, probably you start walking at about 9 months or so or the other way around, not too sure. I was actually dumb, dumb meaning I didn't say a single word until I was age 3. So my parents always thought that I'm dumb. I couldn't speak because I never said ma, pa or whatever. I literally was a very quiet baby. At age 3, I actually spoke in sentences. So my parents were shocked because they thought that, well, this dumb baby can actually speak. So I think that's where I'm a little bit dumb and a little bit weird. At age 21, I was a school dropout almost. Why do I say that? Because I actually went to study engineering. I hated my life in engineering. So within 6 months, I went to study. I spoke to my parents and said I'm going to go to school. And they said, no, what do you want to do in my life? I said, no, exactly what I want to do in my life. I want to do marketing. I want to go into an agency. That's what I want to do. Engineering ain't going to get me there. And they obviously said no. And I finished my degree by almost copying other people's work all the time. I remember what was interesting about my life in university is my final year thesis. I proved 30 years formula wrong. So the graph was supposed to go this way. My experiment came out that the graph was this way. And I was like, oh dear, what's going to happen? And I, oops, sorry. I think my hands are too much. Let's leave it here. Then I'll put it in. Oops. So that's where I felt that I could do quite a good job as a marketer because my whole entire thesis is about how you should write and do experiments and not make sure that the conditions are all wrong. If not, you'll get this kind of results which is totally opposite. So I did a reflection journal in that sense. So that was me. 24, when I graduated, I was jobless for a year. I was jobless for a year because I was very insistent I want to go into marketing. Nobody wanted me. I went for countless interviews. And at the point of time when I was a little bit demoralise, then I went to go for an interview for a sales engineer job. And at the moment, I offered a job immediately. I said, no, thanks. And I left. And eventually I did get a job at reply poly. So at the educational institute doing marketing. I think the next three years of my life, what was interesting is that I had a lot of success literally at the interview when I spoke to my boss, Dan. I actually told my boss, Dan, hire me and you get three dogs. And my boss was like, huh? And I said that I would like three dogs for you. I can do three persons job. I just need that break. So I think I was a bit lucky. They decided to offer me a job. I was there for three years. And at three years, I did fairly well in terms of my ranking. So at 26, I was actually very sure my road to owning an agency or being in that agency life. That's what I'm going to do. 27, I think that was when success came very early for me. I was earning a lot of money. I left my job. I started my own company doing a creative agency. Doing extremely well. I didn't have to work a lot of hours. I think one day I was working maybe eight to ten hours max and I was drawing easily five digit. I was able to get almost everything I wanted. I bought a house. I changed my car. I was enjoying life. I started picking up golf. And I actually didn't know what I was doing in terms of work because I was having too much fun. And the next nine years, I was basically playing a lot doing work now and then. And at 38, that was where I became lost and poor. So today I'm going to talk a lot more about lost and poor. And now I'm 40. I'm back to rebuilding my life. So that's where we are. So like what I mentioned, 38, where I'm lost and poor. In a nutshell, at a point of time, I had no pay for one year. The bank, my company had reserves of about half a million. I lost every single cent of that. In addition, I owed 250,000 to vendors. In terms of my personal life, I actually owed another 150,000. Key reason for that was because I was going through a divorce then. So I was married. Going through a divorce, I had to because of all the financial things that comes with divorce, I have to pay 150,000. I had imagine you have no pay. Your company, everything that was there was gone. Everything that your company has, you still owe plus you have no cash. It was a very sad point of time. I went to my very rich uncle's and I said that, hey, would you like to consider perhaps investing a little bit a little bit at me? The uncle's told me to go and look for the banks. And as you all know banks, they come to you and offer you money only when you're rich. When you're poor, nobody gives a damn about you because the first thing they ask is, what's your PNL? Oh, it's in the rate. Sorry, we can't help you. So it was very sad when I spoke to my uncle's, I said that, you know, I really need help. Any small amount will do. And all I got was a year full and they told me that I don't even know why you got yourself into this stage. You're one dumb ass and they left me for dead. That was how it was at 38. I think it was very demoralizing for me. And at the point of time, I actually really kept asking myself why I think the questions that I asked half a million how did it disappear? Half a million is quite a fair bit of money. It's not as if my company was very big. I had about 25 people. Half a million. Every so I actually lost money in 2013 and 2014. Every month, my revenue was going up. But my expenses were going up even faster. I didn't catch it and because I was always holding on to hope. So to me, it was a case of every month I'm losing $20,000. One project will easily cover it the next time round. So I kept holding on to hope I held on for two years. So one year you lose a quarter per million two years you really lost half a million was gone. So in January 2015, I lost another $150,000. In February 2015, I lost another $100,000 simply because the sums did add up. So from half a million of cash in the bank in two years it was gone. In the two months in 2015, I actually lost an old another $250,000. And this is in addition to I have not been paid for a year already at that time. And I was really lost. I when I thought about getting money one of my friends offered me $10,000. And I was thinking, I can only pay three person salary with $10,000. I don't know what I can do. No amount of money seems enough. And I was responsible for 25 people's family and their life. It was really sad for me. So I took on the hard decision. I tried to save whoever I could save. So after 25, I actually let go of like 56. So I let go of 19 people. It was letting go of the 19 I know I can survive. And to me it was really a case of what I was clear about is that my personal finance can't be solved if I cannot solve the company's finance. So I let go of everyone projects that I used to be able to do. I no longer can do. It's back to efficiency. I took on photo shoots by myself. I did on projects. I was a one-man show back in the game. A lot of stuff were looking for jobs. It was really demoralising and they asked themselves why do I even want to stay on? So I didn't have answers to them and a lot of them they asked me 20k a month how can that even go unnoticed? I said they didn't go unnoticed but it was really holding on to hope. So there was a lot of blame and especially the 19 people that I had to let go. All of them really blame us. And because it was the first time that we were letting go of people I didn't handle it properly as well. I remember the first very first person that I let go I literally told the person the company is not doing well. I'm sorry we are the first to go. Tomorrow you pack leave immediately. And he said this is back to me. I remember his name is Colin and he told me I was here for 4 years Why not have any other options? Why can't we write this out together? And I said no I took a very hard line approach I said no tomorrow you leave no questions asked. Now 2 years later I told myself that I think all those were wrong. Additional things that I talked about in 2014 no Ya in 2014 August I bought a Jaguar I don't know what went through my stupid head. I spent 200 over 1000 to buy a Jaguar thinking that it's good to drive a fancy car. I got rid of the car in December 2014 Wow if you want to lose money a car is the fastest way to lose money. So in the 3 months 4 months that I owned that car I lost $50,000 it was just gone I sold off the car I bought a Hyundai Twiscarni that had 4 years gone 4 years left which I'm currently driving now it cost me $30,000 So to me it was like okay I need a car I need a car that can move but I need a car that at least I think I will not cry driving it every day. So I bought something that I thought was decently cheap okay and I'm still driving it and right now I think my decision for that is well I think that was one of my best decisions I'm intending to renew COE next year when it's gone that's my car and I asked myself as well I had a marriage it wasn't working out it didn't work out in the first place I didn't even know why I came into it was it because I put a down payment for a house I'm not sure was it a case where I thought that wow paving are so capable right maybe you can change the person and know also and these were all the questions that was constantly coming to my head I literally really had no answers let me know if I'm taking too long um okay two minutes I'm gonna go very fast so in the two years of my life 2015 and 2016 what I actually really did was I lived on $10 a week a meal I ate fried rice every lunch for one and a half years I ate fried bihun every meal for one and a half years I ate three slices of bread plain every single morning and the fried rice as well as the fried bihun I cooked it myself so the ingredients cost cost about $10 a week plus the bread that was how I lived my life I didn't go to a coffee shop and drink coffee there's no such thing as Starbucks I drank only $3.1 coffee I took on two jobs I worked about almost 20 hours a day then I sold off all my golf equipment that fetched me quite a fair bit of money I played games that I know I was able to earn money so I played mahjong I chose who I can play mahjong very interestingly I earned about close to $2,000 for mahjong I played golf and my condition for golf is that's bad and I make sure I covered that in golf so that was what I did in 2015 the whole of 2015 three times because of how demoralized I was I remember standing in front at the junction of the traffic light and I closed my eyes and I said I can just take one more step and I don't have to face all this anymore every single time that thought came into my head I took a very deep breath and I thought about my mum and it literally went this way and I took a step back and I think that's the reason why I'm still able to be here today so I think my learning point is that things happen for a reason I think all that happened I think I am a very arrogant person I think I think very highly of myself I think I didn't really know how to control and use money when I had so my learning points were that it's really not about the money it's not about your ego it's not about the pride that you have I think it's really about the humanity so my parting words for everyone this is a photo that I took with my current wife So Young, she's behind right now raise your hand yes so we actually just went to Korea in October we took this photo in Jeju and I think the key learning point I have is that pain makes you stronger tears make you braver heartbreak makes you wiser but thank the past for a better future this is Tehling, thank you alright, so we have time for maybe Tehling, Tehling, Sayang sorry maybe we take one question and then we'll go to the next speaker and then we'll come back to all the speakers sharing one last FBK together so anyone has a quick question that you'd like to ask Tehling before we move on to the next speaker any questions for now? anybody questions? alright, it's alright then please go your archi Terima kasih.