 How the whale got his throat, from the just-so stories. How the whale got his throat, by Rudyard Kipling. In the sea, once upon a time, O my best beloved, there was a whale, and he ate fishes. He ate the starfish, and the garfish, and the crab, and the dab, and the place, and the dates, and the skate, and his mate, and the mackerel, and the picareel, and the really, truly twirly, whirly eel. All the fishes he could find in all the sea, he ate with his mouth. So till at last there was only one small fish left in all the sea, and he was a small stewed fish, and he swam a little behind the whale's right ear, so as to be out of harm's way. And the whale stood up on his tail, and said, I'm hungry! And the small stewed fish said in a small, stewed voice, noble and generous, cetacean, have you ever tasted man? No, said the whale, what is it like? Nice, said the small, stewed fish, nice, but nubbly. Then fetch me some, said the whale, and he made the sea froth up with his tail. One at a time is enough, said the stewed fish. If you swim to latitude fifty north, longitude forty west, that is magic, you will find sitting on a raft in the middle of the sea, with nothing on but a pair of blue canvas breeches, a pair of suspenders, you must not forget the suspender's best beloved, and a jack-knife, one shipwrecked mariner, who, it is only fair to tell you, is a man of infinite resource and sagacity. So the whale swam and swam to latitude fifty north, longitude forty west, as fast as he could swim, and on a raft in the middle of the sea, with nothing to wear except a pair of blue canvas breeches, and a pair of suspenders, you must particularly remember the suspender's best beloved, and a jack-knife, he found one single solitary shipwrecked mariner, trailing his toes in the water. He had his mummies leave to paddle, or else he would never have done it, because he was a man of infinite resource and sagacity. Then the whale opened his mouth back and back and back, till it nearly touched his tail, and he swallowed the shipwrecked mariner, and the raft he was sitting on, and his blue canvas breeches, and the suspenders, which you must not forget. And the jack-knife, he swallowed them all down into his warm, dark, inside cupboards, and then he smacked his lips, so, and turned round three times on his tail. But as soon as the mariner, who was a man of infinite resource and sagacity, found himself truly inside the whale's warm, dark, inside cupboards, he stumped and he jumped and he thumped and he bumped, and he pranced and he danced, and he banged and he clanged, and he hit and he bit, and he leaped and he creeped and he prowled and he howled, and he hopped and he dropped and he cried and he sighed, and he crawled and he bawled and he stepped and he leapt, and he danced horn-pipes where he shouldn't, and the whale felt most unhappy indeed. Have you forgotten the suspenders? So he said to the astute fish, This man is very nubbly, and besides he is making me hiccough. What shall I do? Tell him to come out, said the astute fish. So the whale called down his own throat to the shipwrecked mariner. Come out and behave yourself, I've got the hiccoughs. Nay, nay, said the mariner, Not so, but far otherwise, take me to my natal shore and the white cliffs of Albion, and I'll think about it. And he began to dance more than ever. You had better take him home, said the astute fish to the whale. I ought to have warned you that he is a man of infinite resource and sagacity. So the whale swam and swam and swam, with both flippers and his tail as hard as he could for the hiccoughs, and at last he saw the mariner's natal shore and the white cliffs of Albion, and he rushed half way up the beach, and opened his mouth wide and wide and wide, and said, Change here for Winchester, Ashelot, Nashua, Keane, and stations on the Fitchburg Road. And just as he said Fitch, the mariner walked out of his mouth. But while the whale had been swimming, the mariner, who was indeed a person of infinite resource and sagacity, had taken his jackknife and cut up the raft into a little square grating, all running crisscross, and he had tied it firm with his suspenders. Now you know why you were not to forget the suspenders, and he dragged that grating good and tight into the whale's throat, and there it stuck. Then he recited the following sloka, which, as you have not heard it, I will now proceed to relate. By means of a grating I have stopped your aiding. For the mariner he was also an Ibernian. And he stepped out on the shingle, and went home to his mother, who had given him leave to trail his toes in the water, and he married and lived happily ever afterward. So did the whale. But from that day on the grating in his throat, which he could neither cough up nor swaddle down, prevented him eating anything except very, very small fish, and that is the reason why whales nowadays never eat men or boys or little girls. The small, astute fish went and hid himself in the mud under the door-sills of the equator. He was afraid that the whale might be angry with him. The sailor took the jackknife home. He was wearing the blue canvas breeches when he walked out on the shingle. The suspenders were left behind, you see, to tie the grating with, and that is the end of that tale. When the cabin portholes are dark and green because of the seas outside, when the ship goes whop, with a wiggle between, and the steward falls into the soup-tureen, and the trunks begin to slide, when the nurse relies on the floor in a heap, and mummy tells you to let her sleep, you aren't waked or washed or dressed, why then you will know if you haven't guessed your fifty-north and forty-west. And of how the whale got his throat. How the camel got his hump, from the just-so stories. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. The Just-So Stories by Rudyard Kipling. How the camel got his hump. Now this is the next tale, and it tells how the camel got his big hump. In the beginning of years, when the world was so new and all, and the animals were just beginning to work for man, there was a camel, and he lived in the middle of a howling desert because he did not want to work, and besides he was a howler himself. So he ate sticks and thorns and tamarisks and milkweed and prickles, most excruciatingly idle, and when anybody spoke to him he said, Humpf! Just, Humpf! and no more. Presently the horse came to him on Monday morning, with a saddle on his back and a bid in his mouth, and said, Camel, O Camel, come out and trot like the rest of us. Humpf! said the camel, and the horse went away and told the man. Presently the dog came to him with a stick in his mouth and said, Camel, O Camel, come and fetch and carry like the rest of us. Humpf! said the camel, and the dog went away and told the man. Presently the ox came to him, with the yoke on his neck and said, Camel, O Camel, come and plow like the rest of us. Humpf! said the camel, and the ox went away and told the man. At the end of the day the man called the horse and the dog and the ox together, and said, Three, O Three, I am very sorry for you with the world so new and all, but that humpf thing in the desert can't work, or he would have been here by now, so I am going to leave him alone, and you must work double time to make up for it. That made the three very angry, with the world so new and all, and they held a palaver, and an indaba, and a punca yet, and a pow-wow on the edge of the desert, and the camel came chewing milkweed most excruciating idle, and laughed at them. Then he said, Humpf! and went away again. Presently there came along the gin in charge of all deserts, rolling in a cloud of dust. Gin's always travelled that way because it is magic. And he stopped to palaver and pow-wow with the three. Gin of all deserts, said the horse, is it right for anyone to be idle, with the world so new and all? Certainly not, said the gin. Well, said the horse, there's a thing in the middle of your howling desert, and he's a howler himself, with a long neck and long legs, and he hasn't done a stroke of work since Monday morning. He won't trot, said the gin, whistling, that's my camel, for all the gold in Arabia. What does he say about it? He says, Humpf! said the dog, and he won't fetch and carry. Does he say anything else? Only Humpf! and he won't plow, said the ox. Very good, said the gin, I'll hump him, if you will kindly wait a minute. The gin rolled himself up in his dust-cloak and took a bearing across the desert, and found the camel most excruciating idle, looking at his own reflection in a pool of water. My long and bubbling friend, said the gin, what's this I hear of your doing no work, with the world so new and all? Humpf! said the camel. The gin sat down with his chin in his hand, and began to think a great magic, while the camel looked at his own reflection in the pool of water. You've given the three extra work ever since Monday morning all on account of your scruciating idleness, said the gin, and he went on thinking magics, with his chin in his hand. Humpf! said the camel. I shouldn't say that again if I were you, said the gin. You might say it once too often, bubbles, I want you to work. And the camel said Humpf! again, and no sooner had he said it than he saw his back, that he was so proud of, puffing up and puffing up into a great, big, lolliping humpf! Do you see that? said the gin. That's your very own humpf, that you've brought upon your very own self by not working. Today is Thursday, and you've done no work since Monday, when the work began. Now you are going to work. How can I? said the camel, with this humpf on my back. That's made a purpose, said the gin, all because you missed those three days. You will be able to work now for three days without eating, because you can live on your humpf. And don't you ever say that I never did anything for you? Come out of the desert and go to the three, and behave. Humpf yourself! And the camel humpfed himself, humpf and all, and went away to join the three, and from that day to this the camel always wears a humpf. We call it a humpf now, not to hurt his feelings. But he has never yet caught up with the three days that he missed at the beginning of the world, and he has never yet learned to behave. The camel's humpf is an ugly lump, which well you may see at the zoo. But uglier yet is the hump we get, from having too little to do. Kitties and grown-ups too oo-oo, if we haven't enough to do oo-oo, we get the humpf, camellia's humpf, the humpf that is black and blue. We climb out of bed with a frowsily head, and a snarly, yorly voice. We shiver and scowl, and we grunt and we growl at our bath, and our boots, and our toys. And there ought to be a corner for me, and I know there is one for you, when we get the hump, camellia's hump, the hump that is black and blue. The cure for this ill is not to sit still, or froused with a book by the fire, but to take a large hoe and a shovel also, and dig till you gently perspire. And then you will find that the sun and the wind, and the gin of the garden too, have lifted the hump, the horrible hump, the hump that is black and blue. I get it as well as you oo-oo, if I haven't enough to do oo-oo. We all get hump, camellia's hump, kitties and grown-ups too. End of How the Camel Got His Hump, How the Rhinoceros Got His Skin, From the Just-So Stories. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. The Just-So Stories by Rudyard Kipling. How the Rhinoceros Got His Skin. Once upon a time, on an uninhabited island on the shores of the Red Sea, there lived a parsi from whose hat the rays of the sun were reflected in more than oriental splendor. And the parsi lived by the Red Sea with nothing but his hat and his knife and a cooking-stove of the kind that you must particularly never touch. And one day he took flour and water and currants and plums and sugar-and-things, and made himself one cake, which was two feet across and three feet thick. It was indeed a superior commestible—that's magic—and he put it on the stove because he was allowed to cook on the stove. And he baked it, and he baked it, till it was all done brown and smelt most sentimental. But just as he was going to eat it, there came down to the beach from the altogether uninhabited interior one rhinoceros with a horn on his nose, two piggy eyes, and few manners. In those days the rhinoceros's skin fitted him quite tight. There were no wrinkles in it anywhere. He looked exactly like a Noah's Ark rhinoceros, but of course much bigger. All the same he had no manners then, and he has no manners now, and he never will have any manners. He said, Howe! And the Parsi left that cake and climbed to the top of a palm tree with nothing on but his hat, from which the rays of the sun were always reflected in more than Oriental splendor. And the rhinoceros upset the oil-stove with his nose, and the cake rolled on the sand, and he spiked that cake on the horn of his nose, and he ate it, and he went away, waving his tail to the desolate and exclusively uninhabited interior which abuts on the islands of Mazandaran, Sokotra, and promontories of the larger equinox. Then the Parsi came down from his palm tree, and put the stove on its legs, and recited the following sloka, which, as you have not heard, I will now proceed to relate. Them that takes cakes which the Parsi man bakes makes dreadful mistakes. And there was a great deal more in that than you would think. Because five weeks later there was a heat wave in the Red Sea, and everybody took off all the clothes they had. The Parsi took off his hat, but the rhinoceros took off his skin and carried it over his shoulder as he came down to the beach to bathe. In those days it buttoned underneath with three buttons and looked like a waterproof. He said nothing whatever about the Parsi's cake, because he had eaten it all, and he never had any manners, then, since, or henceforward. He waddled straight into the water and blew bubbles through his nose, leaving his skin on the beach. Presently the Parsi came by and found the skin, and he smiled one smile that ran all round his face two times. Then he danced three times round the skin and rubbed his hands. Then he went to his camp and filled his hat with cake-crumbs, for the Parsi never ate anything but cake, and never swept out his camp. He took that skin, and he shook that skin, and he scrubbed that skin, and he rubbed that skin just as full of old, dry, stale, dickly cake-crumbs, and some burnt currents, as ever it could possibly hold. Then he climbed to the top of his palm tree and waited for the rhinoceros to come out of the water and put it on. And the rhinoceros did. He buttoned it up with the three buttons, and it tickled like cake-crumbs in bed. Then he wanted to scratch, but that made it worse, and then he lay down on the sands and rolled and rolled and rolled, and every time he rolled the cake-crumbs tickled him worse and worse and worse. Then he ran to the palm tree and rubbed and rubbed and rubbed himself against it. He rubbed so much, and so hard, that he rubbed his skin into a great fold over his shoulders, and another fold underneath, where the buttons used to be. But he rubbed the buttons off, and he rubbed some more folds over his legs, and it spoiled his temper, but it didn't make the least difference to the cake-crumbs. They were inside his skin, and they tickled. So he went home, very angry indeed, and horribly scratchy, and from that day to this every rhinoceros has great folds in his skin and a very bad temper, all on account of the cake-crumbs inside. But the parsi came down from his palm tree, wearing his hat, from which the rays of the sun were reflected in more than oriental splendor, packed up his cooking-stove, and went away in the direction of Orotavo, Amigdala, the upland meadows of Anantarivo, and the marshes of Sonaput. This uninhabited island is off Cape Gardaful, by the beaches of Sokotra, and the pink Arabian Sea, but it's hot, too hot from Suez, for the likes of you and me, ever to go, in a P and O, and call on the cake-parse. And of how the rhinoceros got its skin. How the leopard got his spots, from the just-so stories. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. The Just-So Stories by Rudyard Kipling. How the Leopard Got His Spots In the days when everybody started fair, best beloved, the leopard lived in a place called the High Velt. For it wasn't the Low Velt, or the Bush Velt, or the Sour Velt, but the Exclusively Bare, Hot, Shiny High Velt, where there was sand and sandy-colored rock, and exclusively tufts of sandy yellowish grass. The giraffe, and the zebra, and the ellend, and the kudu, and the heartobies lived there, and they were exclusively sandy yellow-brownish all over. But the leopard, he was the exclusively sandiest, yellowest, brownest of them all, a grayish-yellowish, catty-shaped kind of beast, and he matched the exclusively yellowish-grayish-brownish color of the High Velt to one hair. This was very bad for the giraffe, and the zebra, and the rest of them, for he would lie down by a exclusively yellowish-grayish-brownish stone or clump of grass, and when the giraffe, or the zebra, or the ellend, or the kudu, or the bushbuck, or the bontybuck came by, he would surprise them out of their jumpsome lives, he would indeed. But also there was an Ethiopian with bows and arrows, a exclusively grayish-brownish-yellowish man he was then, who lived on the High Velt with the leopard, and the two used to hunt together. The Ethiopian with his bows and arrows, and the leopard exclusively with his teeth and claws, till the giraffe, and the ellend, and the kudu, and the quagga, and all the rest of them, didn't know which way to jump, best beloved, they didn't indeed. After a long time, things lived for ever so long in those days, they learned to avoid anything that looked like a leopard or an Ethiopian, and bit by bit, the giraffe began it because his legs were the longest, they went away from the High Velt. They scuttled for days and days and days until they came to a great forest exclusively full of trees and bushes and stripy, speckly, patchy, blatchy shadows, and there they hid, and after another long time, what withstanding half in the shade and half out of it, and what with the slippery, slidey shadows of the trees falling on them, the giraffe grew blatchy, and the zebra grew stripy, and the ellend and the kudu grew darker, with little wavy gray lines on their backs like bark on a tree trunk, and so, though you could hear them and smell them, you could very seldom see them, and then only when you knew precisely where to look. They had a beautiful time in the exclusively speckly, spickly shadows of the forest, while the leopard and the Ethiopian ran about over the exclusively grayish, yellowish-reddish High Velt outside, wondering where all their breakfasts and their dinners and their teas had gone. At last they were so hungry that they ate rats and beetles and rock rabbits, the leopard and the Ethiopian, and then they had the big tummy-ank both together, and then they met Bavian, the dog-headed barking baboon, who is quite the wisest animal in all South Africa. Said Leopard to Bavian, and it was a very hot day, where has all the game gone? And Bavian winked, he knew. Said the Ethiopian to Bavian, can you tell me the present habitat of the Aboriginal fauna? That meant just the same thing, but the Ethiopian always used long words, he was a grown-up. And Bavian winked, he knew. Then said Bavian, the game has gone into other spots, and my advice to you, Leopard, is to go into other spots as soon as you can. And the Ethiopian said, that is all very fine, but I wish to know whither the Aboriginal fauna has migrated. Then said Bavian, the Aboriginal fauna has joined the Aboriginal flora because it was high time for a change, and my advice to you, Ethiopian, is to change as soon as you can. That puzzled the Leopard and the Ethiopian, but they set off to look for the Aboriginal flora, and presently, after so many days, they saw a great, high, tall forest, full of tree trunks all exclusively speckled and sprottled and spottled, dotted and splashed and slashed and hatched and cross-hatched with shadows. Say that quickly aloud, and you will see how very shadowy the forest must have been. What is this, said the Leopard, that is so exclusively dark, and yet so full of little pieces of light? I don't know, said the Ethiopian, but it ought to be the Aboriginal flora. I can smell giraffe, and I can hear giraffe, but I can't see giraffe. That's curious, said the Leopard, I suppose it is because we have just come in out of the sunshine. I can smell zebra, and I can hear zebra, but I can't see zebra. Wait a bit, said the Ethiopian, it's a long time since we've hunted them, perhaps we've forgotten what they were like. Fiddle, said the Leopard, I remember them perfectly on the high-belt, especially their marrow bones. Giraffe is about seventeen feet high, of exclusively full this golden yellow from head to heel, and zebra is about four-and-a-half feet high of exclusively gray fawn colour from head to heel. Hmm, said the Ethiopian, looking into the speckly, spickly shadows of the Aboriginal flora forest, then they ought to show up in this dark place like ripe bananas in a smoke-house. But they didn't. The Leopard and the Ethiopian hunted all day, and though they could smell them and hear them, they never saw one of them. For goodness sake, said the Leopard at tea-time, let us wait till it gets dark. This daylight hunting is a perfect scandal. So they waited till dark, and then the Leopard heard something breathing snippily in the starlight that fell all stripy through the branches, and he jumped at the noise, and it smelled like zebra, and it felt like zebra, and when he knocked it down it kicked like zebra, but he couldn't see it. So he said, be quiet, oh you person without any form, I am going to sit on your head till morning, because there is something about you that I don't understand. Presently he heard a grunt, and a crash, and a scramble, and the Ethiopian called out, I've caught a thing that I can't see. It smells like giraffe, and it kicks like giraffe, but it hasn't any form. Don't you trust it, said the Leopard, sit on its head till the morning, same as me. They haven't any form, any of them. So they sat down on them hard till bright morning time, and then Leopard said, what have you at your end of the table, brother? The Ethiopian scratched his head and said, it ought to be exclusively a rich, vulvas-orange tawny from head to heel, and it ought to be a giraffe, but it is covered all over with chestnut blotches. What have you at your end of the table, brother? And the Leopard scratched his head and said, it ought to be exclusively a delicate, grayish fawn, and it ought to be a zebra, but it is covered all over with black and purple stripes. What in the world have you been doing to yourself, zebra? Don't you know that if you were on the high-belt I could see you ten miles off? You haven't any form. Yes, said the zebra, but this isn't the high-belt, can't you see? I can now, said the Leopard, but I couldn't all yesterday. How is it done? Let us up, said the zebra, and we will show you. They let the zebra and the giraffe get up, and zebra moved away to some little thorn bushes where the sunlight fell all stripy, and giraffe moved off to some tallish trees where the shadows fell all blotchy. Now watch, said the zebra and the giraffe. This is the way it's done. One, two, three. And where's your breakfast? Leopard stared, and Ethiopian stared, but all they could see were stripy shadows and blotched shadows in the forest, but never a sign of zebra and giraffe. They had just walked off and hidden themselves in the shadowy forest. Hi, hi, said the Ethiopian. That's a trick worth learning. Take a lesson by it, Leopard. You show up in this dark place like a bar of soap in a coal scuttle. Ho, ho, said the Leopard, would it surprise you very much to know that you show up in this dark place like a mustard plaster on a sack of coals? Well, calling names won't catch dinner, said the Ethiopian. It's long, and the little of it is that we don't match our backgrounds. I'm going to take Pavillon's advice. He told me I ought to change, and as I've nothing to change except my skin, I'm going to change that. What, too? said the Leopard, tremendously excited. To a nice working blackish-brownish color with a little purple in it, and touches of slatey blue, it will be the very thing for hiding in hollows and behind trees. So he changed his skin then and there, and the Leopard was more excited than ever. He had never seen a man change his skin before. But what about me, he said, when the Ethiopian had worked his last little finger into his fine new black skin. You take Pavillon's advice, too. He told you to go into spots. So I did, said the Leopard. I went into other spots as fast as I could. I went into this spot with you, and a lot of good it has done me. Oh, said the Ethiopian. Pavillon didn't mean spots in South Africa. He meant spots on your skin. What's the use of that? said the Leopard. Think of giraffe, said the Ethiopian. Or if you prefer stripes, think of zebra. They find their spots and stripes give them perfect satisfaction. Hmm, said the Leopard. I wouldn't look like zebra. Not forever so. Well, make up your mind. said the Ethiopian. Because I'd hate to go hunting without you. But I must if you insist on looking like a sunflower against a tarred fence. I'll take spots then, said the Leopard. But don't make him too vulgar big. I wouldn't look like giraffe. Not forever so. I'll make him with the tips of my fingers, said the Ethiopian. There is plenty of black left on my skin still. Stand over. Then the Ethiopian put his five fingers close together. There was plenty of black left on his new skin still, and pressed them all over the Leopard. And wherever the five fingers touched, they left five little black marks all close together. You can see them on any Leopard's skin you like, best beloved. Sometimes the fingers slipped and the marks got a little blurred. But if you look closely at any Leopard, you will see that there are always five spots. Off five fat black fingertips. Now you are a beauty, said the Ethiopian. You can lie out on the bare ground and look like a heap of pebbles. You can lie out on the naked rocks and look like a piece of pudding stone. You can lie out on a leafy branch and look like sunshine sifting through the leaves. And you can lie right across the center of a path and look like nothing in particular. Think of that and purr. But if I'm all this, said the Leopard, why didn't you go spotty too? Oh, plain black's best for a nigger, said the Ethiopian. Now come along and we'll see if we can't get even with Mr. One, Two, Three wears your breakfast. So they all went away and lived happily ever afterward, best beloved. That is all. Oh, now and then you will hear grown-ups say, can the Ethiopian change his skin or the Leopard his spots? I don't think even grown-ups would keep on saying such a silly thing if the Leopard and the Ethiopian hadn't done it once, do you? But they will never do it again, best beloved. They are quite contented as they are. I am the most wise Bavian, saying in most wise tones, let us melt into the landscape, just us two by our loans. People have come in a carriage, calling, but Mummy is there. Yes, I can go if you take me, nurse says, she don't care. Let's go up to the pigsties and sit on the farmyard rails. Let's say things to the bunnies and watch them skitter their tails. Let's, oh, anything, Daddy, so long as it's you and me, and going truly exploring and not being in till tea. Here's your boots I've brought them, and here's your cap and stick, and here's your pipe and tobacco. Oh, come along out of it quick. And of how the Leopard got his spots by Rudyard Kipling. The Elephant's Child from the Just So Stories by Rudyard Kipling. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. The Just So Stories by Rudyard Kipling. The Elephant's Child. In the high and far-off times, the elephant, oh, best beloved, had no trunk. He had only a blackish, bulgy nose, as big as a boot, that he could wriggle about from side to side, but he couldn't pick up things with it. But there was one elephant, a new elephant, an Elephant's Child, who was full of satiable curiosity, and that means he asked ever so many questions, and he lived in Africa, and he filled all Africa with his satiable curiosities. He asked his tall aunt, the ostrich, why her tail feathers grew just so, and his tall aunt, the ostrich, spanked him with her hard, hard claw. He asked his tall uncle, the giraffe, what made his skin spotty, and his tall uncle, the giraffe, spanked him with his hard, hard hoof. And he was still full of insatiable curiosity. He asked his broad aunt, the hippopotamus, why her eyes were red, and his broad aunt, the hippopotamus, spanked him with her broad, broad hoof, and he asked his hairy uncle, the baboon, why melons tasted just so, and his hairy uncle, the baboon, spanked him with his hairy, hairy paw. And still he was full of insatiable curiosity. He asked questions about everything that he saw, or heard, or felt, or smelt, or touched, and all his uncles and aunts spanked him. And still he was full of insatiable curiosity. One fine morning in the middle of the procession of the equinoxes, this insatiable elephant's child asked a new, fine question that he had never asked before. He asked, what does the crocodile have for dinner? Then everybody said, hush, in a loud and dreadful tone, and they spanked him immediately and directly without stopping for a long time. By and by, when that was finished, he came upon Kolokolo bird sitting in the middle of a wait-a-bit thorn bush, and he said, my father has spanked me and my mother has spanked me, all my aunts and uncles have spanked me for my insatiable curiosity, and still I want to know what the crocodile has for dinner. Then Kolokolo bird said, with a mournful cry, go to the banks of the great, gray, green, greasy Limpopo River, all set about with fever trees, and find out. The very next morning, when there was nothing left of the equinoxes, because the precession had preceded according to precedent, this insatiable elephant's child took a hundred pounds of bananas, the little short red kind, and a hundred pounds of sugarcane, the long purple kind, and seventeen melons, the green crackly kind, and said to all his dear families, goodbye, I am going to the great, gray, green, greasy Limpopo River, all set about with fever trees to find out what the crocodile has for dinner. And they all spanked him once more for luck, though he asked them most politely to stop. Then he went away, a little warm, but not at all astonished, eating melons, and throwing the rind about, because he could not pick it up. He went from Gramstown to Kimberley, and from Kimberley to Commas Country, and from Commas Country he went east by north, eating melons all the time, till at last he came to the banks of the great, gray, green, greasy Limpopo River, all set about with fever trees, precisely as Colo Colo Bird had said. Now you must know and understand, O best beloved, that till that very week, and day, and hour, and minute, this insatiable elephant's child had never seen a crocodile, and did not know what one was like. It was all his insatiable curiosity. The first thing that he found was a bi-colored python rock snake, curled round a rock. "'Scuse me,' said the elephant's child, most politely, "'but have you seen such a thing as a crocodile in these promiscuous parts?' "'Have I seen a crocodile?' said the bi-colored python rock snake in a voice of dreadful scorn. "'What will you ask me next?' "'Scuse me,' said the elephant's child, "'but could you kindly tell me what he has for dinner?' Then the bi-colored python rock snake uncoiled himself very quickly from the rock, and spanked the elephant's child with his scalesome, flailsome tail. "'That is odd,' said elephant's child, "'because my father and my mother, and my uncle and my aunt, not to mention my other aunt, the hippopotamus and my other uncle, the baboon, have all spanked me for my insatiable curiosity, and I suppose this is the same thing.' So he said goodbye very politely to the bi-colored python rock snake and helped to coil him up on the rock again, and went on, a little warm, but not at all astonished, eating melons and throwing the rind about, because he could not pick it up till he trod on what he thought was a log of wood at the very edge of the great, grey, green, greasy-than-popo river, all set about with fever-trees. But it was really the crocodile, oh, best beloved, and the crocodile winked one eye, like this. "'Scuse me,' said the elephant's child, most politely, "'but do you happen to have seen a crocodile in these promiscuous parts?' Then the crocodile winked the other eye and lifted half his tail out of the mud, and the elephant's child stepped back most politely, because he did not wish to be spanked again. "'Come, here, there, little one,' said the crocodile, "'why do you ask such things?' "'Scuse me,' said the elephant's child, most politely, "'but my father has spanked me, my mother has spanked me, "'not to mention my tall aunt, the ostrich, "'and my tall uncle, the giraffe, "'who can kick ever so hard, "'as well as my broad aunt, the hippopotamus, "'and my hairy uncle, the baboon, "'and including the bi-coloured python, Rock Snake, "'with his scalesome, flalesome tail, "'just up the bank, who spanks harder than any of them, "'and so, if it's quite all the same to you, "'I don't want to be spanked any more.' "'Come, hither, little one,' said the crocodile, "'for I am the crocodile,' and he wept crocodile tears to show it was quite true. Then the elephant's child grew all breathless and panted and kneeled down on the bank and said, "'You are the very person I have been looking for "'all these long days. "'Will you please tell me what you have for dinner?' "'Come, hither, little one,' said the crocodile, "'and I'll whisper.' "'Then the elephant's child put his head down close "'to the crocodile's musky, tusky mouth, "'and the crocodile caught him by his little nose, "'which up to that very weak day, hour, and minute "'had been no bigger than a boot, "'though much more useful.' "'I think,' said the crocodile, "'and he said it between his teeth, like this. "'I think today I will begin with elephant's child.' "'At this, O best beloved, the elephant's child "'was much annoyed, and he said, "'speaking through his nose, like this, "'Let go! You are hurting me.' "'Then the bi-coloured python rock-snake "'scuffled down from the bank, and said, "'My young friend, if you do not now "'immediately and instantly, pull as hard as ever you can. "'It is my opinion that your acquaintance "'in the large pattern leather ulster, "'and by this, he meant the crocodile, "'will jerk you into yonder limpid stream "'before you can say Jack Robinson.' "'This is the way bi-coloured python rock-snakes always talk.' "'Then the elephant's child sat back on his little haunches, "'and pulled, and pulled, and pulled, "'and his nose began to stretch, "'and the crocodile floundered into the water, "'making it all creamy with great sweeps of his tail, "'and he pulled, and pulled, and pulled. "'And the elephant's child's nose kept on stretching, "'and the elephant's child spread all his little forelegs "'and pulled, and pulled, and pulled, "'and his nose kept on stretching, "'and the crocodile threshed his tail like an oar, "'and he pulled, and pulled, and pulled, "'and at each pull the elephant's child's nose "'grew longer and longer, "'and it hurt him like hitches.' "'Then the elephant's child felt his legs slipping, "'and he said through his nose, "'which was now nearly five feet long, "'This is too much for me.' "'Then the bi-coloured python rock-snake "'came down from the bank, "'and knotted himself in a double-clove hitch "'round the elephant's child-tined legs, "'and said, "'Rash and inexperienced traveller, "'we will now seriously devote ourselves "'to a little high tension, "'because if we do not, it is my impression "'that yonder self-propelling man of war "'with the armour-plated upper deck, "'and by this, "'O best beloved, he meant the crocodile, "'will permanently vitiate your future career.'" This is the way all bi-coloured python rock-snakes always talk. So he pulled, and the elephant's child pulled, and the crocodile pulled, but the elephant's child and the bi-coloured python rock-snake pulled hardest, and at last the crocodile let go of the elephant's child's nose with a plop that you could hear all up and down the limpo-po. Then the elephant's child sat down most hard and sudden, but first he was careful to say thank you to the bi-coloured python rock-snake, and next he was kind to his poor pulled nose and wrapped it all up in cool banana leaves and hung it in the great, gray-green greasy limpo-po to cool. "'What are you doing that for?' said the bi-coloured python rock-snake. "'Scuse me,' said the elephant's child, "'but my nose is badly out of shape, "'and I'm waiting for it to shrink.' "'Then you will have to wait a long time,' said the bi-coloured python rock-snake. "'Some people do not know what is good for them.' The elephant's child sat there for three days waiting for his nose to shrink, but it never grew any shorter, and, besides, it made him squint. "'For, oh, best beloved, "'you will see and understand that the crocodile had pulled it out "'into a really, truly trunk, same as all elephants have to-day.' At the end of the third day a fly came and stung him on the shoulder, and before he knew what he was doing he lifted up his trunk and hit that fly dead with the end of it. "'Vantage number one,' said the bi-coloured python rock-snake. "'You couldn't have done that with a mere smear-nose. "'Don't you think the sun is very hot here?' "'It is,' said the elephant's child, and before he thought what he was doing he shlooped up a shloop of mud and put out his trunk and plucked a large bundle of grass, dusted it clean against his fore-legs, and stuffed it in his own mouth. "'Vantage number two,' said the bi-coloured python rock-snake. "'You couldn't have done that with a mere smear-nose. "'Don't you think the sun is very hot here?' "'It is,' said the elephant's child, and before he thought what he was doing he looped up a shloop of mud from the banks of the great, gray, green, greasy Limpopo and slapped it on his head where it made a cool, shloopy, sloshy mud-cap all trickly behind his ears. "'Vantage number three,' said the bi-coloured python rock-snake. "'You couldn't have done that with a mere smear-nose. "'Now how do you feel about being spanked again?' "'Scuse me,' said the elephant's child, "'but I should not like it at all.' "'How would you like to spank somebody?' said the bi-coloured python rock-snake. "'I should like it very much indeed,' said the elephant's child. "'Well,' said the bi-coloured python rock-snake, "'you will find that new nose of yours very useful to spank people with.' "'Thank you,' said the elephant's child. "'I'll remember that, and now I think I'll go home to all my dear families and try.' So the elephant's child went home across Africa, frisking and whisking his trunk. When he wanted fruit to eat, he pulled fruit down from a tree, instead of waiting for it to fall as he used to do. When he wanted grass, he plucked grass up from the ground, instead of going on his knees as he used to do. When the flies bit him, he broke off the branch of a tree and used it as a fly-wisk, and he made himself a new, cool, slushy, squishy mud-cap whenever the sun was hot. When he felt lonely walking through Africa, he sang to himself down his trunk, and the noise was louder than several brass bands. He went especially out of his way to find a broad hippopotamus, she was no relation of his, and he spanked her very hard, to make sure that the bi-coloured python rock-snake had spoken the truth about his new trunk. The rest of the time he picked up the melon-rinds that he had dropped on his way to the limpo-po, for he was a tidy pack-a-derm. One dark evening he came back to all his dear families, and he coiled up his trunk and said, How do you do? They were very glad to see him, and immediately said, Come here and be spanked for your insatiable curiosity. Poo! said the elephant's child, I don't think you peoples know anything about spanking, but I do, and I'll show you. Then he uncurled his trunk and knocked two of his dear brothers head over heels. Oh, bananas! said they. Where did you learn that trick? And what have you done to your nose? I got a new one from the crocodile on the banks of the great grey-green greasy limpo-po river, said the elephant's child. I asked him what he had for dinner, and he gave me this to keep. It looks very ugly, said his hairy uncle the baboon. It does, said the elephant's child, but it is very useful, and he picked up his hairy uncle the baboon by one hairy leg and hoe him into a hornet's nest. Then that bad elephant's child spanked all his dear families for a long time till they were very warm and greatly astonished. He pulled out his tall ostrich aunt's tail feathers, and he caught his tall uncle the giraffe by a hind leg and dragged him through a thorn-bush, and he shouted at his broad aunt the hippopotamus and blew bubbles into her ear as she was sleeping in the water after meals, but he never let anyone touch colo-colo bird. At last things grew so exciting that his dear families went off one by one in a hurry to the banks of the great grey-green greasy limpo-po river, all set about with fever-trees, to borrow new noses from the crocodile. When they came back nobody spanked anybody any more, and ever since that day, oh best beloved, all the elephants you will ever see, besides all those that you won't, have trunks precisely like the trunk of the satiable elephant's child. I keep six honest serving men, they taught me all I knew. Their names are what and where and when, and how and why and who. I send them over land and sea, I send them east and west, but after they have worked for me I give them all a rest. I let them rest from nine to five, for I am busy then, as well as breakfast, lunch and tea, for they are hungry men. But different folk have different views, I know a person small, she keeps ten million serving men, who get no rest at all. She sends them abroad on her own affairs, from the second she opens her eyes, one million hows, two million wares, and seven million whys. End of The Elephant's Child by Rudyard Kipling The sing-song of old man kangaroo, from the just-so stories. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. The Just-So Stories by Rudyard Kipling The sing-song of old man kangaroo. Not always was the kangaroo, as now we do behold him, but a different animal with four short legs. He was grey and he was woolly, and his pride was inordinate. He danced on an outcrop in the middle of Australia, and he went to the Little God Gah. He went to Gah at six before breakfast, saying, Make me different from all the other animals by five this afternoon. Up jumped Gah from his seat on the sand-flat and shouted, Go away! He was grey and he was woolly, and his pride was inordinate. He danced on a rock-ledge in the middle of Australia, and he went to the Little God Queen. He went to Queen at eight after breakfast, saying, Make me different from all other animals, make me also wonderfully popular by five this afternoon. Up jumped Queen from his burrow in the spin-effects and shouted, Go away! He was grey and he was woolly, and his pride was inordinate. He danced on a sand-bank in the middle of Australia, and he went to the Big God Kong. He went to Kong at ten before dinner-time, saying, Make me different from all other animals, make me popular and wonderfully run after by five this afternoon. Up jumped Kong from his bath in the salt-pan and shouted, Yes, I will! Kong called Dingo, Yellow Dog Dingo, always hungry, dusty in the sunshine, and showed him kangaroo. Kong said, Dingo, wake up, Dingo. Do you see that gentleman dancing on an ash-pit? He wants to be popular and very truly run after. Dingo, make him so. Up jumped Dingo, Yellow Dog Dingo, and said, What, that cat rabbit? Off ran Dingo, Yellow Dog Dingo, always hungry, grinning like a coal-scuttle, ran after kangaroo. Off went the proud kangaroo on his four little legs like a bunny. This, oh, beloved of mine, ends the first part of the tale. He ran through the desert, he ran through the mountains, he ran through the salt-pans, he ran through the reed-beds, he ran through the blue gums, he ran through the spin-effects, he ran until his front legs ached. He had two. Still ran Dingo, Yellow Dog Dingo, always hungry, grinning like a rat-trap, never getting nearer, never getting farther, ran after kangaroo. He had two. Still ran kangaroo, old man kangaroo, he ran through the tie-trees, he ran through the mulga, he ran through the long grass, he ran through the short grass, he ran through the tropics of capricorn and cancer, he ran till his hind legs ached. He had two. Still ran Dingo, Yellow Dog Dingo, hungrier and hungrier, grinning like a horse-collar, never getting nearer, never getting farther, and they came to the Woldong River. Now there wasn't any bridge, and there wasn't any ferry-boat, and kangaroo didn't know how to get over, so he stood on his legs and hopped. He had two. He hopped through the flinders, he hopped through the cinders, he hopped through the deserts in the area, he hopped like a kangaroo. First he hopped one yard, then he hopped three yards, then he hopped five yards, his legs growing stronger, his legs growing longer. He hadn't any time for rest or refreshment, and he wanted them very much. Still ran Dingo, Yellow Dog Dingo, very much bewildered, very much hungry, and wondering what in the world or out of it made Old Man Kangaroo hop. For he hopped like a cricket, like a pea in a saucepan, or a new rubber ball on a nursery floor. He had two. He tucked up his front legs, he hopped on his hind legs, he stuck out his tail for a balance weight behind him, and he hopped through the Darling Downs. He had two. Still ran Dingo, Tired Dog Dingo, hungrier and hungrier, very much bewildered, and wondering when in the world or out of it would Old Man Kangaroo stop. Then came Kong from his bath and assault pants and said, It's five o'clock. Downsat Dingo, Poor Dog Dingo, always hungry, dusky in the sunshine, hung out his tongue and howled. Downsat Kangaroo, Old Man Kangaroo, stuck out his tail like a milking stool behind him and said, Thank goodness that's finished. Then said Kong, Who is always a gentleman? Why aren't you grateful to Yellow Dog Dingo? Why don't you thank him for all he has done for you? Then said Kangaroo, Tired Old Kangaroo, He's chased me out of the homes of my childhood, he's chased me out of my regular mealtimes, he's altered my shape so I'll never get it back, and he's played Old Scratch with my legs. Then said Kong, Perhaps I'm mistaken, but didn't you ask me to make you different from all other animals as well as to make you very truly sought after? And now it is five o'clock. Yes, said Kangaroo, I wish that I hadn't, I thought you would do it by charms and incantations, but this is a practical joke. Joke, said Kong from his bath in the blue gums, Say that again and I'll whistle up Dingo and run your hind legs off. No, said the Kangaroo, I must apologize, legs are legs, and you needn't alter them so far as I am concerned. I only meant to explain to your lordliness that I've had nothing to eat since morning and I'm very empty indeed. Yes, said Dingo, Yellow Dog Dingo, I am in just the same situation, I've made him different from all other animals, but what may I have for my tea? Then said Kong from his bath in the salt-pan, Come and ask me about it to-morrow, because I am going to wash. So they were left in the middle of Australia, old man Kangaroo and Yellow Dog Dingo, and each said, That's your fault. This is the mouth-filling song of the race that was run by a boomer, run by a single burst, only of end of its kind, started by big god Kong from Warakaboragaruma, old man Kangaroo first, Yellow Dog Dingo behind. Kangaroo bounded away, his back legs working like pistons, bounded from morning till dark, twenty-five feet to a bound. Yellow Dog Dingo lay like a yellow cloud in the distance, much too busy to bark. My, but they covered the ground. Nobody knows where they went, or followed the track that they flew in, for that continent hadn't been given a name. They ran thirty degrees from Torres straight to the Leuan. Look at the Atlas, please. And they ran back as they came. Sposing you could trot from Adelaide to the Pacific, for an afternoon's run, half what these gentlemen did, you would feel rather hot, but your legs would develop terrific. Yes, my importunate son, you'd be a marvellous kid. End of the sing-song of old man Kangaroo. The beginning of the Armadillos from The Just So Stories. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org The Just So Stories by Rudyard Kipling. Number Seven The Beginning of the Armadillos This, O Best Beloved, is another story of the high and far-off times. In the very middle of those times was a stickly, prickly hedgehog, and he lived on the banks of the turbid Amazon, eating shelly snails and things. And he had a friend, a slow, solid tortoise, who lived on the banks of the turbid Amazon, eating green lettuces and things. And so that was all right, best beloved, do you see? But also, and at the same time, in those high and far-off times, was a painted jaguar, and he lived on the banks of the turbid Amazon, too, and he ate everything that he could catch. When he could not catch deer or monkeys, he would eat frogs and beetles. And when he could not catch frogs and beetles, he went to his mother, Jaguar, and she told him how to eat hedgehogs and tortoises. She said to him ever so many times, graciously waving her tail, my son, if you find a hedgehog you must drop him into the water and then he will uncoil. And when you catch a tortoise you must scoop him out of his shell with your paw. And so that was all right, best beloved. One beautiful night on the banks of the turbid Amazon, painted Jaguar found stickly-prickly hedgehog and slow, solid tortoise sitting under the trunk of a fallen tree. They could not run away and strolled himself into a ball because he was a hedgehog and slow, solid tortoise drew in his head and feet into his shell as far as they would go, because he was a tortoise. And so that was all right, best beloved. Do you see? Now attend to me, said painted Jaguar, because this is very important. My mother said that when I meet a hedgehog I am to drop him into the water and then he will uncoil. And when I meet a tortoise I scoop him out of his shell with my paw. Now which of you is hedgehog and which is tortoise? Because to save my spots I can't tell. Are you sure of what your mummy told you? said stickly-prickly hedgehog. Are you quite sure? Perhaps she said that when you uncoil a tortoise you must shell him out the water with a scoop and when you paw a hedgehog you must drop him on the shell. Are you sure of what your mummy told you? said slow and solid tortoise. Are you quite sure? Perhaps she said that when you water a hedgehog you must drop him into your paw and when you meet a tortoise you must shell him until he uncoils. I don't think it was at all like that, said painted Jaguar, but he felt a little puzzled. But please say it again more distinctly. When you scoop water with your paw you uncoil it with a hedgehog, said stickly-prickly. Remember that, because it's important. But, said the tortoise, when you paw your meat you drop it into a tortoise with a scoop. Why can't you understand? You are making my spots ache, said painted Jaguar, and besides I didn't want your advice at all. I only wanted to know which of you is hedgehog and which is tortoise. I shan't tell you, said stickly-prickly, but you can scoop me out of my shell if you like. Aha! said painted Jaguar. Now I know your tortoise. You thought I wouldn't. Now I will. Painted Jaguar darted out his patty-paw just as stickly-prickly curled himself up and of course Jaguar's patty-paw was just filled with prickles. Worse than that he knocked stickly-prickly away where it was too dark to find him. Then he put his patty-paw into his mouth and of course the prickles hurt him worse than ever, and as soon as he could speak he said, Now I know he isn't tortoise at all, but—and then he scratched his head with an un-prickly paw. How do I know that this other is tortoise? But I am tortoise, said slow and solid. Your mother was quite right. She said that you were to scoop me out of my shell with your paw. Begin. You didn't say she said that a minute ago, said painted Jaguar, sucking the prickles out of his patty-paw. You said she said something quite different. Well, suppose you say that I said that she said something quite different. I don't see that it makes any difference because if she said what you said I said she said. It's just the same as if I said what she said she said. On the other hand, if you think she said that you were to uncoil me with a scoop, instead of pawing me into drops with a shell, I can't help that, can I? But you said you wanted to be scooped out of your shell with my paw, said painted Jaguar. If you'll think again you'll find that I didn't say anything of the kind. I said that your mother said that you were to scoop me out of my shell. Said slow and solid. What will happen if I do? Said the Jaguar most sniffily and most cautious. I don't know because I've never been scooped out of my shell before, but I tell you truly if you want to see me swim away you've only got to drop me into the water. I don't believe it, said painted Jaguar. You've mixed up all the things my mother told me to do with the things that you asked me whether I was sure that she didn't say till I don't know whether I'm on my head or tail, and now you come and tell me something I can understand and it makes me more mixy than before. My mother told me that I was to drop one of you two into the water and as you seem so anxious to be dropped I think you don't want to be dropped so jump into the turbid Amazon and be quick about it. I warn you that your mummy won't be pleased. Don't tell her I didn't tell you, said slow solid. If you say another word mother said, the Jaguar answered but he had not finished the sentence before slow and solid quietly dived into the turbid Amazon swam under water for a long way and came out on the bank where a stickly prickly was waiting for him. That was a very narrow escape said stickly prickly I don't rib painted Jaguar what did you tell him that you were? I told him truthfully that I was a truthful tortoise but he wouldn't believe it and he made me jump into the river to see if I was and I was and he is surprised now he's gone to tell his mummy listen to him. They could hear painted Jaguar roaring up and down among the trees and bushes by the side of the turbid Amazon till his mummy came. Son, son! said his mother ever so many times graciously waving her tail what have you been doing that you shouldn't have done? I tried to scoop something that said it wanted to be scooped out of its shell with my paw and my paw is full of prickles said painted Jaguar. Son, son! said his mother ever so many times graciously waving her tail by the prickles in your patty paw I see that that must have been a hedgehog you should have dropped him into the water I did that to the other thing and he said he was a tortoise and I didn't believe him and it was quite true and he has dived under the turbid Amazon and he won't come up again and I haven't anything at all to eat and I think we had better find lodgings somewhere else they are too clever on the turbid Amazon for poor me. Son, son! said his mother ever so many times graciously waving her tail now attend to me and remember what I say a hedgehog curls himself up into a ball and his prickles stick out every which way at once by this you may know the hedgehog I don't like this lady one little bit said stickily prickly under the shadow of a large leaf I wonder what else she knows a tortoise can't curl himself up mother Jaguar went on ever so many times graciously waving her tail draws his head and legs into his shell by this you may know the tortoise I don't like this old lady at all, at all said slow and solid tortoise even painted Jaguar can't forget those directions it's a great pity that you can't swim stickily prickly don't talk to me said stickily prickly just think how much better it would be if you could curl up this is a mess listen to painted Jaguar painted Jaguar was sitting on the banks of the turbid Amazon sucking prickles out of his paws and saying to himself can't curl but can't swim slow solid that's him curls up but can't swim stickily prickly that's him he'll never forget that this month of Sundays said stickily prickly hold up my chin slow and solid I'm going to try to learn to swim excellent said slow and solid and he held up stickily prickly's chin while stickily prickly kicked in the waters of the turbid Amazon you'll make a fine swimmer yet said slow and solid now if you can unlace my back plates a little I'll see what I can do towards curling up it may be useful stickily prickly helped to unlace tortoise's back plates so that by twisting and straining slow and solid actually managed to curl up a titty wee bit excellent said stickily prickly but I shouldn't do any more just now it's making you black in the face kindly lead me into the water once again and I'll practice that side stroke which you say is so easy and so stickily prickly practiced and slow solid swam alongside excellent said slow and solid more practice will make you a regular whale now if I may trouble you to unlace my back and front plate two holes more I'll try that fascinating bend that you say is so easy won't painted jaguar be surprised excellent said stickily prickly all wet from the turbid Amazon I declare I shouldn't know you from one of my own family two holes I think you said a little more expression please front quite so much or painted jaguar may hear us when you finished I want to try that long dive which you say is so easy won't painted jaguar be surprised and so stickily prickly dived and slow and solid dived alongside excellent said slow and solid I'll lead to more attention to holding your breath and you will be able to keep house at the bottom of the turbid Amazon now I'll try that exercise of putting my hind legs round my ears which you say is so peculiarly comfortable won't painted jaguar be surprised excellent said stickily prickly but it's straining your back plates a little they are all overlapping now instead of lying side by side oh that's the result of exercise said slow and solid I've noticed that your prickles seem to be melting into one another and that you're growing to look more like a pine cone and less like a chestnut burr than you used to am I said stickily prickly that comes from my soaking in the water oh won't painted jaguar be surprised they went on with their exercises each helping the other till morning came and when the sun was high they rested and dried themselves then they saw that they were both of them quite different from what they had been stickily prickly said tortoise after breakfast I am not what I was yesterday but I think that I may yet amuse painted jaguar that was the very thing I was thinking just now said stickily prickly I think scales are a tremendous improvement on prickles to say nothing of being able to swim oh won't painted jaguar be surprised let's go and find him by and by they found painted jaguar still nursing his patty paw that had been hurt the night before he was so astonished that he fell three times backward over his own painted tail without stopping good morning said stickily prickly and how is your dear gracious mummy this morning she is quite well thank you said painted jaguar but you must forgive me if I do not at this precise moment recall your name that's unkind of you said stickily prickly seeing that this time yesterday you tried to scoop me out of my shell with your paw but you hadn't any shell it was all prickles said painted jaguar I know it was just look at my paw you told me to drop into the turbid Amazon and be drowned said slow solid why are you so rude and forgetful today don't you remember what your mother told you said stickily prickly can't curl but can swim stickily prickly that's him curls up but can't swim slow solid that's him then they both curled themselves up and rolled round and round and round painted jaguar till his eyes turned truly cartwheels in his head then he went to fetch his mother mother he said there are two new animals in the woods today and the one that you said couldn't swim swims and the one that you said couldn't curl up curls I think because both of them are scaly all over instead of one being smooth and the other very prickly and besides that they are rolling round and round in circles and I don't feel comfy son son said mother jaguar ever so many times graciously waving her tail a hedgehog is a hedgehog and can't be anything but a hedgehog and a tortoise is a tortoise and can never be anything else but it isn't a hedgehog it's a tortoise it's a little bit of both and I don't know its proper name nonsense said mother jaguar everything has its proper name I should call it armadillo till I found out the real one and I should leave it alone so painted jaguar did as he was told especially about leaving them alone but the curious thing is that from that day to this oh best beloved no one on the banks of the turbid Amazon has ever called stickily prickly and slow solid anything except armadillo there are hedgehogs and tortoises in other places of course there are some in my garden but the real old and clever kind with their scales lying lippity lappity one over the other like pinecone scales that lived on the banks of the turbid Amazon in the high and far off days are always called armadillos because they were so clever so that's all right best beloved do you see I've never sailed the Amazon I've never reached Brazil but the dawn and the Magdalena they can go there when they will yes weekly from Southampton great steamers white and gold go rolling down to Rio roll down roll down to Rio and I'd like to roll to Rio some day before I'm old I've never seen a jaguar nor yet an armadill oh dillowing in his armor I suppose I never will unless I go to Rio these wonders to behold roll down roll down to Rio roll really down to Rio oh I'd love to roll to Rio some day before I'm old and of the beginning of the armadillos by Rudyard Kipling how the first letter was written from the just so stories this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org how the first letter was written from the just so stories by Rudyard Kipling once upon a most early time was a Neolithic man he was not a Jew or an angle or even a Dravidian which he might well have been best beloved but never mind why he was a primitive in a cave and he wore very few clothes and he couldn't read and he couldn't write and he didn't want to except when he was hungry he was quite happy his name was Tegumai Bopsuli and that means man who does not put his foot forward in a hurry but we, oh best beloved we'll call him Tegumai for short and his wife's name was Teshumai Tewindrow and that means lady who asks a very many questions but we, oh best beloved we'll call her Teshumai Teshumai for short and his little girl daughter's name was Tafimai Matalamai and that means small person without any manners who ought to be spanked but I'm going to call her Tafi and she was Tegumai Bopsuli's best beloved and her own mummy's best beloved and she was not spanked half as much as was good for her and they were all three very happy as soon as Tafi could run about she went everywhere with her daddy Tegumai and sometimes Tegumai would not come home to the cave till they were hungry and then Teshumai Tewindrow would say where in the world have you been to to get so shocking dirty really my Tegumai you're no better than my Tafi now attend and listen one day Tegumai Bopsuli went down through the beaver swamp to the Wagai River to spear carp fish for dinner and Tafi went too Tegumai's spear was made of wood with shark's teeth at the end and then accidentally broke it clean across by jabbing it down too hard on the bottom of the river they were miles and miles from home of course they had their lunch with them in a little bag and Tegumai had forgotten to bring any extra spears here is a pretty kettle of fish said Tegumai it will take me half the day to mend this there's your big black spear at home said Tafi let me run back to the cave and ask mummy to give it me it's too far for your little fat legs said Tegumai besides you might fall into the beaver swamp and be drowned we must make the best of a bad job he sat down and took out a little leather mendy bag full of reindeer sinews and strips of leather and lumps of beeswax and resin and began to mend the spear Tafi sat down too with her toes in the water and her chin in her hand and she thought very hard then she said I say daddy it's an awful nuisance that you and I don't know how to write isn't it if we did we could send a message for the new spear Tafi said Tegumai how often have I told you not to use slang awful isn't a pretty word but it could be a convenience now you mention it if we could write home just then a stranger man came along the river but he belonged to a far tribe the towaras and he did not understand one word of Tegumai's language he stood on the bank and smiled at Tafi because he had a little girl-daughter of his own at home Tegumai drew a hank of deer sinews from his mendy bag and began to mend his spear come here said Tafi do you know where my mummy lives and the stranger man said um being as you know a towarah silly said Tafi and she stamped her foot because she saw a shoal of very big carp going up the river just when her daddy couldn't use his spear grown-ups said Tegumai so busy with his spear-mending that he did not turn round I aren't said Tafi I only want him to do what I want him to do and he won't understand then don't bother me said Tegumai and he went on pulling and straining at the deer sinews with his mouth full of loose ends the stranger man a genuine towarah he was sat down on the grass and Tafi showed him what her daddy was doing and thought this is a very wonderful child she stamps her foot at me and she makes faces she must be the daughter of that noble chief who is so great that he won't take any notice of me so he smiled more politely than ever now said Tafi I want you to go to my mummy because your legs are longer than mine and you won't fall into the beaver swamp and ask for daddy's other spear the one with the black handle that hangs over our fireplace he was a towarah thought this is a very, very wonderful child she waves her arms and she shouts at me but I don't understand a word of what she says but if I don't do what she wants I greatly fear that that haughty chief man who turns his back on collars will be angry he got up and twisted a big flat piece of bark off a birch tree and gave it to Tafi he did this best beloved to show that his heart was as white as the birch bark and that he meant no harm so he didn't quite understand oh! said she now I see you want my mummy's living address of course I can't write but I can draw pictures if I have anything sharp to scratch with please lend me the shark's tooth off your necklace the stranger man and he was a towarah didn't say anything so Tafi put up her little hand and pulled at the beautiful bead and seed and shark-tooth necklace round his neck the stranger man and he was a towarah very, very wonderful child the shark's tooth on my necklace is a magic shark's tooth and I was always told that if anybody touched it without my leave they would immediately swell up or burst but this child doesn't swell up or burst and that important chief man who attends strictly to his business who has not yet taken any notice of me at all doesn't seem to be afraid that she will swell up or burst I had better be more polite so he gave Tafi the shark's tooth and she lay down flat on her tummy with her legs in the air like some people on the drawing-room floor when they want to draw pictures and she said now I'll draw you some beautiful pictures you can look over my shoulder but you mustn't juggle first I'll draw daddy fishing it isn't very like him but mummy will know because I've drawn his spear all broken well now I'll draw the other spear that he wants, the black-handled spear it looks as if it was sticking in daddy's back but that's because the shark's tooth slipped and this piece of bark isn't big enough here I want you to fetch so I'll draw a picture of me myself explaining to you my hair doesn't stand up like I've drawn but it's easier to draw that way now I'll draw you I think you're very nice really but I can't make you pretty in the picture so you mustn't be fended are you fended? the stranger man and he was a Tawara smiled he thought there must be a big battle going to be fought somewhere and this extraordinary child not swell up or burst is telling me to call all the great chiefs tribe to help him he is a great chief or he would have noticed me looks had taffy drawing very hard and rather scratchily now I've drawn you and I put the spear that daddy wants into your hand just to remind you that you're to bring it now I'll show you how to find my mummy's living address you go along till you come to two trees those are trees and then you go over a hill that's a hill and then you come into a beaver swamp full of beavers I haven't put in all the beavers because I can't draw beavers but I've drawn their heads and that's all you'll see of them when you cross the swamp mind you don't fall in then our cave is just beyond the beaver swamp it isn't as high as the hills really but I can't draw things very small that's my mummy outside she is beautiful she's the most beautifulest mummy there ever was but she won't be fended when she sees I've drawn her so plain she'll be pleased of me because I can draw now in case you forgot daddy wants outside our cave it's inside really but you show the picture to my mummy and she'll give it to you I've made her holding up her hands because I know she'll be so pleased to see you isn't it a beautiful picture and do you quite understand or shall I explain again the stranger man and he was a to-aura looked at the picture and nodded very hard he said to himself if I do not fetch this great chief's tribe to help him he will be slain by his enemies who are coming up on all sides with spears to see why the great chief pretended not to notice me he feared that his enemies were hiding in the bushes and would see him therefore he turned to me his back and let the wise and wonderful child draw the terrible picture showing me his difficulties I will away and get help for him from his tribe he did not even ask Taffy the road but raced off into the bushes like the wind with the birch bark in his hand and Taffy sat down most pleased now this is the picture that Taffy had drawn for him what have you been doing Taffy? said Tagumay he had mended his spear and was carefully waving it to and fro it's a little arrangement of my own daddy dear, said Taffy if you won't ask me questions you'll know all about it in a little time and you'll be surprised you don't know how surprised you'll be daddy promise you'll be surprised very well said Tagumay and went on fishing the stranger man went away with the picture and ran for some miles till quite by accident he found Tashumay Tewindrow at the door of her cave talking to some other neolithic ladies who had come in to a primitive lunch Taffy was very like Tashumay especially about the upper part of the face and the eyes so the stranger man always a pure Tuara smiled politely and handed Tashumay the birch bark he had run hard so that he panted and his legs were scratched with brambles but he still tried to be polite as soon as Tashumay saw the picture she screamed like anything and flew at the stranger man the other neolithic ladies at once knocked him down and sat on him in a long line of six while Tashumay pulled his hair it's as plain as the nose on this stranger man's face she said he has stuck my Tagumay all full of spears and frightened poor Taffy so that her hair stands all on end at not content with that he brings me a horrid picture of how it was done she showed the picture to all the neolithic ladies sitting patiently on the stranger man here is my Tagumay with his arm broken here is a spear sticking into his back here is a man with a spear ready to throw and here is another man throwing a spear from a cave and here are a whole pack of people they were Taffy's beavers really but they did look rather like people coming up behind Tagumay isn't it shocking most shocking said the neolithic ladies and they filled the stranger man's hair with mud at which he was surprised and they beat upon the reverberating tribal drums and called together all the chiefs of the tribe of Tagumay with their hetmans and dolmans all neguses, wounds and akhouns of the organization in addition to the warlocks, angikoks, juju men bonzes and the rest who decided that before they chopped the stranger man's head off he should instantly lead them down to the river and show them where he had hidden poor Taffy by this time the stranger man in spite of being a Tawara was really annoyed they had filled his hair quite solid with mud they had rolled him up and down on knobby pebbles they had sat upon him in a long line of six they had bumped him and bumped him till he could hardly breathe and though he did not understand their language he was almost sure that the names the neolithic ladies called him were not ladylike however he said nothing till all the tribe of Tagumay were assembled and then he led them back to the bank of the Wagai River and there they found Taffy making daisy chains and Tagumay carefully spearing small carp with his mended spear well you have been quick said Taffy but why did you bring so many people daddy this is my surprise are you surprised daddy very said Tagumay but it has ruined all my fishing for the day why the whole dear kind nice clean quiet tribe is here Taffy and so they were first of all walked Tashumay Tawindro and the neolithic ladies tightly holding on to the stranger man whose hair was full of mud although he was a Tawara behind them came the head chief the vice chief, the deputy and assistant chiefs all armed to the upper teeth the hetmans and heads of hundreds plate-offs with their platoons and dolmans with their detachments wounds, neguses and acunes ranking in the rear still armed to the teeth behind them was the tribe in hierarchical order from owners of four caves one for each season a private reindeer run and two salmon leaps to feudal and prognathous villains semi-entitled to half a bear skin of winter nights seven yards from the fire and ad-script serfs holding the reversion of a scraped marrow bone under Harriet aren't those beautiful words best beloved they were all there prancing and shouting and they frightened every fish twenty miles and Tegumai thanked them in a fluid neolithic oration then Teshumai Tewendro ran down and kissed and hugged Taffy very much indeed but the head chief of the tribe of Tegumai took Tegumai by the top knot feathers and shook him severely explain, explain, explain cried all the tribe of Tegumai goodness sakes alive said Tegumai, let go of my top knot can't a man break his carp spear without the whole countryside besides descending on him you're a very interesting people I don't believe you've brought my daddy's black-handled spear after all said Taffy and what are you doing to my nice stranger man they were thumping him by twos and threes and tens till his eyes turned round and round he could only gasp and point at Taffy where are the bad people who speared you my darling said Teshumai Tewendro there weren't any said Tegumai, my only visitor this morning was the poor fellow that you are trying to choke aren't you well or are you ill O tribe of Tegumai he came with a horrible picture said the head chief a picture that showed you were full of spears erum perhaps I'd better explain to I gave him that picture said Taffy but she did not feel quite comfy you said the tribe of Tegumai altogether small person with no manners who ought to be spanked you Taffy dear I'm afraid we're in for a little trouble said her daddy and put his arm round her so she didn't care explain, explain, explain said the head chief of the tribe of Tegumai and he hopped on one foot I wanted the stranger man to fetch daddy's spear so I drawded it said Taffy there wasn't lots of spears there was only one spear I drawded it three times to make sure I didn't walk into daddy's head there wasn't room on the birch bark and these things that mummy called bad people are my beavers I drawded them to show him the way through the swamp and I drawded mummy at the mouth of the cave looking pleased because he is a nice stranger man and I think you are just the stupidest people in the world said Taffy he is a very nice man why have you filled his hair with mud wash him nobody said anything at all for a long time till the head chief laughed who was at least a Tawara laughed then Tegumai laughed till he fell down flat on the bank then all the tribe laughed more and worse and louder the only people who did not laugh were Teshumai Tebendro and all the neo-thethic ladies they were very polite to all their husbands and said idiot ever so often then the head chief of the tribe of Tegumai cried and said and saying oh small person without any manners who ought to be spanked you've hit upon a great invention didn't intend to I only wanted daddy's black handled spear said Taffy never mind it is a great invention and some day men will call it writing at present it is only pictures and as we have seen today pictures are not always properly understood but a time will come oh babe of Tegumai when we shall make letters all twenty-six of them and when we shall be able to read as well as to write we shall always say exactly what we mean without any mistakes let the neo-thethic ladies wash the mud out of the stranger's hair I shall be glad of that said Taffy because after all though you've brought every single other spear in the tribe of Tegumai you've forgotten my daddy's black handled spear then the head chief cried and said and saying Taffy dear the next time you write a picture letter you'd better send a man who can talk our language with it to explain what it means I ended myself because I am a head chief but it's very bad for the rest of the tribe of Tegumai and as you can see it surprises the stranger then they adopted the stranger man a genuine tewara of tewar into the tribe of Tegumai because he was a gentleman and did not make a fuss about the mud that the neo-thethic ladies had put into his hair but from that day to this and I suppose it is all Taffy's fault very few little girls have ever liked learning to read or write most of them prefer to draw pictures and play about with their daddy's just like Taffy there runs a road by Merodown a grassy track today it is an hour out of Guildford town above the riverway it is here when they heard the horse-bells bring the ancient Britons dressed in road to watch the dark Venetians bring their goods along the western road and here or hereabouts they met to hold their racial talks and such to barter beads for whitby jet and tin for gay-shelled torques and such but long and long before that time when Bison used to roam on it did Taffy and her daddy climb that down and had their home on it then Beaver's built in Broadstone Brook and made a swamp where Bramley stands and here's from Sheer would come and look for Taffymi where Shamley stands that way that Taffy called Wagai was more than six times bigger then and all the tribe of Tegumai they cut a noble figure then end of how the first letter was written recorded by Rachel Allen April 16th, 2008 Yosemite, California