 Bonnie McFarlane. I always like to help people who are just starting out and show business. Thank you. So I've been doing it a long time. What is your name again? How do I pronounce it? Feldman. Bonnie McFarlane is the host of My Wife Hates Me. It's a great podcast that she does with Rich Voss. Women Aren't Funny, which also happens to be the name of a documentary. Oh, you're on fire today. Women Aren't Funny is an amazing documentary. So funny. And if you want insight on how to raise a child, see Women Aren't Funny. I was so proud of your husband in that movie because your daughter's because you raise your kid properly. We'll talk about that in a second. I don't know that anyone else saw what you saw. You're better than me. In that documentary. You're better than me is also the name of your autobiography, which you can buy on Amazon. If you want to see Bonnie McFarlane kids, I am performing with her at the punchline in Philadelphia on May 7th at seven o'clock Sunday, May 7th. The Philadelphia punchline. We're doing a benefit with Jonathan Katz, Dr. Katz for some project. You know, I asked for you. I asked for you. They asked me the headline that I asked for you. And they said, no, I had to fight for you to get on this thing. But I think you're going to do okay. What? You didn't know that? No. Is this is really coming as a shock to you? They didn't want you. I don't know how to make it clearer. They did not want you on the show. And I had I had to say yes. No, put them on. He'll make everyone else look great. I thought I was going to encourage you and be kind of sending and patronizing and tell the audience to it. I was going to tell the audience to watch this kid. She's a real comer. Is that true? They didn't want me for the benefit? No, they didn't. Yeah, they were like, ew, we got enough Jews. They said at one point, I said, that's ridiculous. This is comedy. We never have enough Jews. Oh, man. How well do you know Jonathan Katz? What? How well do you know Jonathan Katz? I don't know him at all. I was I was kind of looking forward to meeting him. You really don't know him or your friends at all? Now I don't know what's real and what's real. Ah, you've gotten back. I got you. I got you. Also, Bonnie McFarlane is you are one of the funniest people around. And I want to get back to being patronizing and I want to get back to condescending. I want to alpha dog you. I need to be the one who's telling you how funny you are. And you're doing this is a this is a transactional appearance. The truth is, I have to write for your husband's 30th birthday party. Your husband turning 30. He's turning 30 and they're roasting him. Rich Foss. Rich Foss is turning 30. And there's a rose. He lies about his age. I will I will say that. He's he's actually younger than that. He's somewhere between 25 and 90. So I have to he had the the nerve. I mean, if I ever speak to him, I'm not going to I this is between you and me. Because if I ever see him face to face. Because usually when I see him, we're not facing each other. It's in a bus station restroom and we're never but if I ever if I ever see him face to face and we're locking where the hell does he get the Cajones to ask me David Feldman to write jokes for him for his birthday roast. I mean, that must have that must he must have had to summon up a lot of courage to ask me. Was it email or what was it? Did he make the call? He made the call. Oh boy, he really wanted you back. He went he went. He actually used the telephone. He used the telephone to ask me to write for him. For his birthday roast. This is the guy he writes for the Academy Awards. He writes for, you know, yeah. And he was like, he's like, who? Who can help me? It was you who he said more. He said who's desperately out of work? Who will not say no to me on this one? And he said, all right, Bonnie will do your podcast. That's what he said. He said he literally this is how he said it. He said, all right, I'll turn her out is what he said. I was wondering why he's giving me so much freedom today. He said, if you write for the joke, he said, one of my bitches will do your podcast. That was exactly what he said. I'm not trying to so discontent between you. I heard him yelling at Raina earlier, so she must have said no. By the way, you are, you are raising the greatest kid ever because. Well, not sure because she, she, you know, I honestly, because she comes to the club with me all the time. And so she's, she tries to be cool amongst the comedians and she does some very hurtful things to people. She's made a couple of the comedians cracks. No, so the other night where the comedy seller and Ava, who is, she may own part of the seller, I don't know, but all her artwork is all along. You see this beautiful artwork that's Ava has done it all that's in the comedy. It's at the Olive branch or whatever that's called. Upstairs at the store. All a tree, the restaurant upstairs. And I say to Raina, she's trying to talk to Raina and Raina's being too cool. And then I said, she did all these pictures. Don't you think she's a fantastic artist? And Raina goes, yeah, she's no Van Gogh. It was not, it did not go over well. That went over like a lead balloon. Let me say that was not good. And so it's like hard because I feel like I've, you know, I feel responsible because I feel like I put her in the like, I put her in a prison situation, you know, she's, she's in the yard. I leave her in the yard with the other prisoners. And then when I come back, I get mad that she's tough and angry. You know what I mean? She doesn't know how to deal with real society. I don't think that's true because my kids were raised the same exact way. My kids were surrounded by some of the funniest people in the world. They learned that there's a time and a place for bitterness. Right. There is. And she, these kids are much smarter than we give them credit for. And they, they realize this is a, this is a way mommy and daddy make a living. And being kind of truthful and biting is a skill that's appreciated in certain places. And they know not to, has she ever been, I guarantee you, she has never been disciplined at school. I guarantee you've never. Never, never, never, in fact, it's not an issue. Like when other kids are being bad, I don't think she feels the need, honestly, you know, to use bad language and stuff because she gets to, you know, because she gets to do it when she feels like it really at home or at the club. Being sarcastic and saying what you don't mean in real life isn't a good way to live. And I, and I discovered in your husband discovered and you discovered, it's better to, to make a living being kind of biting sarcastic, addressing the elephant in the room because polite society won't. There's a skill to it and you should be paid to do it. But in real life, it makes for an unpleasant person. And your kids learn that they realize that there's a skill to it. And she's dealing with amateurs. She goes to school, she's dealing with, the bullies are just amateurs. She's met Nick DiPallo. Why would she possibly respect the class clown or the bully or try to make... Well, this kid, this kid on the bus once I said to her, your dad looks like Donald Trump and she goes, your dad looks like Hillary Clinton. Which I also think is hilarious that the nine year olds are, they're so involved in politics. At one point, right after the election, there was a bunch of nine year old girls in my daughter's room and they were all, at one point I thought one of the girls was going to start the chant, lock her up. And so I had to go into the bedroom and I opened the door and I said, no more politics. No more talk about politics. I fundamentally disagree with things that are going on in this room. And to nine year old girls. I mean, I don't know if it's good or bad. Is it, what is worse for a child to be exposed to? I'm being serious. My stand-up act, your husband's stand-up act, or Donald Trump talking on television. I know. I'm being serious. Because you know why it's like a crazy thing is like, and I think it just is like a slow seeping in of where when the president doesn't have to be truthful, then who does? You know what I mean? And then it just becomes this thing where, you know, I just think like, now everyone's just started lying. It's just a thing that everyone does now. That's just, that just happened. No one has to tell the truth anymore. It's pretty, yeah, it's happened pretty quickly. I've got Trump fatigue. We have Howie Klein on the show later on. He keeps me honest. Ever since Donald Trump got elected, or he didn't get elected, but ever since they installed him, I've been like, this again? Oh, I don't love you. It's so uninspiring. And I kind of understand the people who aren't interested in politics, who aren't interested in policy and government, because I know it's horrible for me. Well, because, you know, you get up every morning and then you just read, it's like Groundhog's Day. You just read all this stuff again. And then nothing. You think like, oh, okay, today's the day where something's going to happen. And then it doesn't happen. And then you look at other countries, you're from Canada. You look at other countries who are mature and they have problems. I hear Rich Voss in the background. Yes. Is that Rich Voss? Who are you talking to? Who is it? David Feldman. Tell him this is an opinion with my dinner and I haven't seen any jokes. He said he said he said he hasn't seen any jokes yet. So you're going to help me. Tell him that we're we're the jokes. That's what he wants to know. Tell him for this is my the payment up front is Bonnie. This is Pete. He said, Bonnie does your podcast. This is a quick pro quo. I do the podcast. Then he writes the jokes. First of all, is this the dinner hour? You're first of all, I'm glad that she's Bonnie. Are you okay? Bonnie, are you okay? Your voice sounds kind of raspy. I he's mad that I didn't finish the laundry and the dinner's not on the table. No, no, no, no, no. Here's the thing. I love David Feldman. I love his podcast because after I did it, two tweets. Two tweets. Let me tell you something about this lonely man and his closet doing his podcast. Nobody gives a shit. Leave us alone. Tell me my fucking jokes. And then we'll do your dumb podcast. I'm saying we're big. We're big acts. We're big acts separately and we're big acts as a family. Okay. Let me tell you something. Okay. Closet queen. Closet and gay. Closet and that's what he's doing. There's a podcast or whatever stupid network is on fly by night podcast or whatever. Okay. Leave us alone. Send me some jokes. Hey, good talk to you. Bye. Oh my god. Any, any response to that? I, I, is it, am I interrupting your dinner hour? Do you sit and eat dinner as a family? No, no, we all run into the corners like a little rat. And we, and we sometimes don't let his face fool you. We do not go like a little rat. Sometimes our daughter will come in and go, can I have some more? And then we beat her. We beat her as a couple. We usually play tennis around this time, but I took this podcast and said, well, what was she called? Tennis is me called smacking her back and around. All right. Let me get back to Bonnie and plugging our gig in Philadelphia. I'm excited to do this because I haven't seen Jonathan in so long. And one of my very first gigs at bananas when I, when I got to America, I was with him. I can catch. Yeah. Well, I don't like to be one who harbors a resentment at all. I really don't. I try to, I try to let them go, which I can't, but I remember when I first started comedy, I used to book a couple of coming one nighters in Jersey, you know, so I can get stage time and guess who I always hired? Jonathan Katz. Love Jonathan Katz. I loved him. He had his guitar and some weird act. I don't know what he did with the guitar. I think he forgets somebody else. No, he had a guitar. Ask Dave, do you remember when Jonathan Katz used to play with a guitar? He had a guitar. Yes. And he had a guitar and I always, always use him whenever I open one of my horrible one nighters. Who would I call Jonathan Katz? And guess what? Guess who never got a call during Dr. Katz? Richard Voss. That's when I can't let it go because I'm trying. You're talking about the 40 years ago. You're talking about the Peabody award-winning Dr. Katz on Comedy Central, which I did, which I did five times. What I did five times. Oh my God. You did it five times. Wow. That should have been in your intro in Montreal when you followed me. I mean, listen. Our next act, our next act, you might have heard five times. I'm Jonathan Katz. Try to listen now. Thank you. You're so mean everyone. And then you always wonder, like, why doesn't anyone invite me to do stuff? What are you kidding me? I'm a big fan of... Do you know who's on the show today, Rich? Do you know who? Yeah, you know who you guys are following? I don't know whoever you met on the street. Mr. Methane. Mr. Methane is on the show. What I wanted to do to your wife is put her in the same company as Janine Garofalo. Janine Garofalo had to follow Mr. Methane in Montreal about 20 years ago. Who's Mr. Methane? You don't know who Mr. Methane is? Bonnie knows who Mr. Methane is. I don't either. Sorry, we haven't been doing comedy. Oh, we've kind of, yeah. We never really worked saloons. He's a performing flatulist. He has, he asks chirps for a living. Like, remember Le Petamaine? Have you ever heard of Le Petamaine? No, we don't go out to a French restaurant. No, he only smells like the French. He doesn't, he's not French. He farts for a living. And Janine had to follow him at a gala in Montreal about 20 years ago and I was talking about it on the show last week and I called Mr. Methane and I decided that I would do the interview with Mr. Methane and then Bonnie would have to follow Mr. Methane. Well, first of all, Janine is one of our favorite acts. That's one. Two, I feel good as a dude that you have a guy that makes a living out of gas. I feel good. Who are you bringing on next? The guy whose left arm is stuck in the air? That's a visual. Do you know what I'm saying? Who's on next, Sammy? So, so who really goes by SS? I'm too, I'm too hip for this stuff. I'm really hip. Hey, I heard, is Jonathan Cass, doesn't he have like, is he sick or something? Of you, he's sick of you. That's why you do, that's why Bonnie and I, when he called me, he said, who do you recommend for the show? And I said, there's this one young comic I want to bring along. Her name is Bonnie McFarlane and she can open for me. Let's have her do five minutes before I go up. She could use the stage time. And, and he said, didn't she marry Rich Voss? I, and I said, yeah, but we can't have him on the show. He's not, he's not ready. He's not ready. That's what I said. And then Jonathan Cass said, I never liked him. Never liked him. I never used him. Yeah, because when he was, the whole time this conversation went on, was he playing guitar or was he just talking into the phone? How did he do it? He said, Rich Voss, the guy who books those crappy rooms in Jersey? Does he do comedy? Oh, that's what he said. You know what, Dave? Everybody talks about your acne skills and I could see why now because that story made me lose my appetite. I can't talk no more because I want to at least try to have dessert. I can't talk anymore. Yeah, we got to have dinner. It's going cold. Okay, we'll wrap it up in five minutes. What are you having for dinner? We'll wrap it up in five minutes. What are you having for dinner? I made a chicken pasta with olives and spinach. Was that supposed to have sugar in it? No. Well, let me hear him berate you for, let me just let him berate you before you go. Just berate, just let me hear him berate you for messing. Can you berate me about the dessert? No, listen, first of all, my wife knows how to cook. My wife grew up on a farm, and my wife used to kill chickens so people in my hometown could eat. My wife is one of the best cooks. I'm telling you, you'd think she's multi-talented. She's like a cell runner, director, writer, comedian, cook. She's the best person I'm telling you. What? Blow job time now. That's not going to really, I wouldn't brag about that a little bit. This is when you notice her crooked tooth until she starts sucking you down. Hundreds of men enjoyed my snack. All right, we're going to wrap it up. All right. Clearly I am a lot for Dr. Katz to fix. Right, and we're going to do therapy with Dr. Katz. That's, we're going to be on, and it will be Sunday at the Punchline in Philadelphia, and everybody should listen to My Wife Hates Me with Rich Voss and Bonnie McFarland. When is Rich's 30th birthday celebration that I now have to write jokes for? It's June 26th at the Village Underground, and you can get tickets now. Why is he, is it's June 26th? Yes. Why is he giving me, he's asking me for jokes now? I mean, he's, he's a nervous Nellie, you know? He may not be alive by June 26th. Well, we can only hope. Why would I? Thank you, Bonnie. Thank you so much for doing this. Thank you. Oh, thank you for having me on. It's good to talk to you. I can't wait to do the show on Sunday. And I got you this gig. I got you the gig. So just so you know, I had a fight for you. Thank you. I appreciate it. I'm talking about for this podcast. I had a fight for you to be on my podcast. A lot of people didn't want you. They didn't think you were ready. But I think I showed them. I think I think you did good for you. Good for you. Thank you. All right. Enjoy dinner. Thank you. You've always been a big supporter. I appreciate that. I have been. Thank you. All right. I'll talk to you later. Bye bye. Bye.