 Now, Anacin, the tablet's thousands of physicians and dentists recommend for fast relief of pain of headache, neuritis, neuralgia, and Bicidal mints. That quickly rid stomach of gastric distress. Present, Aramis Brooks, starring Eve Arden. Time is again for another comedy episode of Aramis Brooks Transcribe. But first, may I make a suggestion that you will probably thank me for someday? It is simply this. The next time you suffer from headache, neuritis, or neuralgia pain, try Anacin. The reason we suggest this is because we feel sure you will be surprised at how incredibly fast Anacin gives you relief. Thousands of people who have tried Anacin say its action is truly astonishing. Anacin is like a doctor's prescription. That is, Anacin contains not just one, but a combination of medically proven active ingredients in easy-to-take tablet form. Thus, in taking Anacin, you are following sound principles. The next time you suffer pain from headache, neuritis, or neuralgia, don't wait for relief. Try Anacin on this guarantee. If the first few Anacin tablets do not give you all the relief you want, as fast as you want it, return the unused portion and your money will be refunded. You can get Anacin in any drug counter in handy boxes of 12 and 30 tablets and economical family size bottles of 50 and 100. I'll spell the name for you. ANACIN. Well, there are many reasons why our Ms. Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High School and her landlady, Mrs. Davis, get along so well. Having lived together for many years, they've developed a system of cooperation that begins the first thing in the morning. Yes, we do everything on schedule. At seven o'clock sharp, the alarm goes off in Mrs. Davis's room. She gets up, brushes her teeth, and promptly at 7.10 comes into my room and wakes me up. I hop out and brush my teeth, and then at 7.20, I walk into Mrs. Davis's room and wake her up once more. Then she combs her hair, slips on a house dress, and by 7.30, she's all ready to dash in and get me out of bed again. But by 7.40 or so, when we sit down to breakfast, we're both as chipperous two-largs, eager, bright-eyed, and ready to face the new day. Take last Friday morning, for instance, when Mrs. Davis set my plate before me. Her first words were, Connie, oh Connie, wake up and eat your eggs. Huh? Oh, I'm wide awake, Mrs. Davis. Good. Then get your chin out of your tomato juice and eat. I'm pretty hungry now that I'm up. Mmm, this juice is good. Feels nice and cool on my chin. Now I'll just do a job on these scrambled eggs. Hmm, they seem a little different today. I... Oh, where did you get these eggs, Mrs. Davis? Now, Connie, you're just not used to powdered eggs. Powdered eggs? The grocer assured me that we'd never be able to tell them from the genuine article. He's right. They taste just like real powder. Well, I'll settle for toast and coffee. Pass the butter, please, Mrs. Davis. Certainly, dear. But it's margarine. Margarine? Yes, it's quite a bit cheaper than butter. Oh, I see. Here, care for a part of the paper, dear? No, I'll just eat a big lunch. Oh, you mean to read? Yes, thanks. I know the breakfast isn't what it should be today, Connie. But frankly, it was my way of hinting that it's difficult to make ends meet. I know, Mrs. Davis. I owe you eight weeks' back rent now. It'll be nine tomorrow. I don't like to done you, dear. But I've got to raise $50 by next week or lose all my living room furniture. But you own that furniture outright, Mrs. Davis. You made the last payment two months ago, don't you remember? Certainly, dear. But then last month I had to have the roof prepared. So? So I borrowed on the living room furniture. This is getting pretty involved. But since it's my fault that you don't have the money, I'll try to get it for you someplace. Maybe Mr. Conklin will advance it to me. That's very considerate, dear. Things could be worse, I suppose. Look at this story in the newspaper, the third robbery in this vicinity in a week. Last night in the next block, a house was robbed by cat burglars. Cat burglars? Who did they rob? Mr. and Mrs. Cats. My goodness, some people have all the luck. Luck? Why couldn't they have broken into this house while we were out? I could have collected enough insurance to pay what I borrowed on the furniture and get some new stuff besides. Well, that's no way for you to think, Mrs. Davis. After all, that must be Walter Denton to drive me to school. Oh, dear. Do you suppose he's got a big appetite this morning? That's like asking if John L. Lewis has eyebrows. Now, come on in, Walter. I'll set a place for him. Top of the morning, gracious ladies. And the rest of the day to yourself, Barry Fitzgerald. We haven't much to offer today in the way of breakfast, Walter, but... Well, what's wrong with the stuff on this platter? I'll just help myself to a plate full if I may. Certainly you may, dear. Here's a knife and fork. Hmm. Oh, this is delicious. You like it? Oh, sure I like it. Oh, this is one of my favorite dishes. You know what it is? Well, I ought to know what it is. I've been eating it since I was four years old. You have? Well, sure. I don't want to sound like a connoisseur or anything, but these are absolutely the best hominy grits I ever had. Hominy grits? Yes, doesn't Mrs. Davis prepare them wonderfully, Walter? If you'll excuse me a moment. I'd better clean up the kitchen. I thought you had. I mean... I'll see you later, Mrs. Davis. Yeah, I'll see you later, Mrs. Davis. Well, now that we're alone, Miss Brooks, I'd like to ask a favor of you. It's in connection with Harriet Conklin. What about Harriet Conklin? She's broken three dates with me this week, and she won't tell me why. Not, Miss Brooks. You're a woman. Warm, attractive, desirable. Have some more hominy grits. I mean, go on, Walter. Well, being the kind of person you are, you can ascertain better than I how another such person would act toward a person like myself if a third person entered such a person's life. From the adage one man's meat is another man's person. Look, Walter, I've got to see Mr. Conklin this morning about getting in advance. So if Harriet's around his office, I'll try to find out whether or not there's a new romantic interest in her life. Wonderful, Miss Brooks. How do you propose to accomplish this? In a very devious, feminine, and mysterious fashion, Walter, how? I'll ask her. But, Daddy, just because you and Mother are going to be away until tomorrow doesn't mean someone has to stay over with me. I think it's ridiculous. Silence, Harriet. After the years, we've been married to one another. Your mother and I ought to be better judges of what is ridiculous. What I mean is we have better judgment in these matters. But just because of a few silly hold-ups in the other end of town, honestly, I was too ashamed to even tell Walter Denton why I couldn't go out with him all this past week. Ashamed? With gangs of hoodlums roaming the streets? I want your mother's mind to be at ease about you tonight. She's worried enough about that emergency call from your grandmother, as it is. Oh, there's nothing really wrong with Granny. She's just lonesome. And, Daddy, you must look at my side of this. Well, here I am, a 16-year-old girl, and you want to get me a babysitter. Well, if any of the kids at school find out about this, they'll laugh me right out of medicine. Don't worry about that. I'll giggle you right back in. Now then, it's just a question of whom to persuade to stay over with you. I'd like someone dependable and reliable, someone who could think fast in an emergency. Who is it? It's Miss Brooks, sir. I may have to settle for less. One moment, Miss Brooks. Now then, Harriet, to avoid any unnecessary discussion, you will kindly leave through my inner office. But, Daddy, what... March, Muppet! Come in, Miss Brooks. Good morning, Mr. Compton. I know you're busy, so I'll come right to the point. I have a favor to ask. Now, isn't that a coincidence? I, too, have a favor to ask. Well, you know what I always say, one hand washes the other. Yes, I know, but the last time you said it, my hand didn't even get into the basin. What I wanted to ask you, sir, was this... Later, later, Miss Brooks, mine is by far the more pressing business at the moment. No doubt you heard of the recent robberies around town? Yes, I have, Mr. Compton. I don't like to sound redundant, but just last night, cat burglars robbed the cats'. Yeah. Disgraceful. Nobody knows where they'll strike next. Now, it so happens that my wife and I have to be out of town tonight, and we want someone to remain in our home with Harriet. I'd like to help you out, sir, but tonight is Friday. A thank you for a most illuminating prognostication. What I mean is I have a previous engagement, sir, with Mr. Boynton. For the sake of your principal's peace of mind, Miss Brooks, a mere social engagement can easily be broken. But, Mr. Conklin, he'd be very disappointed, and wait a minute, I've got an idea. Maybe Mr. Boynton could spend the evening with me over at your house. At my house? I'm only suggesting it in case of an emergency, Mr. Conklin. I was thinking of Mr. Boynton's good right arm. Since when have you become partial? No, no, Miss Brooks, I'm afraid you won't have any time for Mr. Boynton. It just happens I have a long report to the board, which I expect you to type out for me in triplicate. A report? Yes, and I'll need it as soon as I return, so you see, Miss Brooks, Mr. Boynton would just be in the way. But, sir, I... Miss Brooks, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your coming in here and volunteering for this assignment. Think nothing of it, Mr. Conklin. I don't. What about my favor? Remember, one hand washes the other. Oh, we must get around to your favor by all means. Please be sure to remind me of it next week. I said next week, Miss Brooks. Now, I'm quite busy, so that will be all. Miss, Miss! Yes, sir. Here we go again, me and my unwashed hand. Well, I'm all a nerve. Of course he can meet a break of date because he has to leave town. Oh, Miss Brooks, I've been waiting until you got out of Daddy's office to talk to you. Well, if it isn't my little roommate. What's up, Harriet? I knew Daddy would hook you into staying over at our house tonight, but you've got to promise me you won't breathe a word of it to his son. Oh, golly, if anyone heard I needed a babysitter, why, I'd die of shame. But what'll I tell Mr. Boyden when I break my date with him? Well, just tell him it's a secret. Please, Miss Brooks, it's vital. All right, Harriet, I won't say a word about it. Will you take an oath on that? In blood, Harriet. And I know whose blood I'd like to use. Friends, if you suffer from acid indigestion, I hope you didn't miss reading this wonderful news. A headline that says, new mints medically proven quickly rid stomach of gastric distress. That headline is talking about new bisodol mints. Doctors recommend bisodol mints because the bisodol medication acts at once to make painful acid harmless and give you fast five-way relief. One, speeds relief from gas. Two, sweetens your breath. Three, gives complete longer lasting relief than baking soda. Four, relieves stomach upset from too much eating, drinking, smoking. Five, lets you sleep when acid indigestion strikes at night. So don't suffer acid indigestion, heartburn or gastric distress from excess acidity. Remember, new mints medically proven quickly rid stomach of gastric distress. And remember the name, bisodol mints, B-I-S-O-D-O-L. Get bisodol mints for fast relief. Well, it was bad enough having to look forward to a night at Mr. Conklin's typing reports. But I faced my most unpleasant task at lunchtime. That's when I had to break my date with a man I hoped would someday make me the proud babysitter for my own babies. It was doubly difficult, since I'd promised Harriet I wouldn't mention the real reason. So when Mr. Boynton sat down at our usual table in the cafeteria, I decided to sneak up on the subject in a subtle manner. Mr. Boynton? Yes, Miss Brooks? I can't keep our appointment tonight. You can't keep it? May I ask why not? Of course you may ask. Well, I'm asking. Well, I'm not telling. You see, I promised the person I am going to be with that I'd keep it a secret. Oh, so it's that way. That way? What is that way? Oh, come now, Miss Brooks. You know, and I know that you know exactly what way that way is. Oh, you do? Well, what would you say if I were to tell you that you may think you know that I know exactly what way that way is, but it doesn't necessarily mean that I do know what way that that way is that you're talking about? If any members of my English class are listening, please don't. Dissembling will get you nowhere, Miss Brooks. All right, then I'll try assembling. I didn't want to break this date, Mr. Boyden, but I honestly didn't think it would matter so much to you. No, it doesn't. Doesn't matter in the least. Not in the least. Good. If you found some other man you'd rather go out with, go right ahead. Well, that's very... some other man? You probably met someone who's taller, more handsome, and with a better personality than I have. If so, good luck to you. If so, who needs it? That is, you don't understand, Mr. Boyden. Oh, don't try to spare my feelings. I don't blame you for preferring to drive around in a Cadillac instead of my old heap. A Cadillac? After all, why should a girl waste her time on a poor schoolteacher when she can enjoy the comfort and luxuries a wealthy playboy has to offer? Well, that clears up where the Cadillac came from. But Mr. Boyden, as far as tonight's concerned... Oh, I said it was all right, Miss Brooks. I couldn't expect you to pass up cocktails and dinner and dancing in some swanky restaurant to go out with me. Well, I'm sorry you're disappointed about tonight, Mr. Boyden. No, you'd be disappointed too if you had to go to a boring ladies' bazaar because somebody broke a date with you. Ladies' bazaar? Oh, in a weak moment, I promised my landlady that I'd attend if anything unforeseen happened to my engagement this evening. Well, it just happened. Well, cheer up, Mr. Boyden. The bazaar may not be so bad. Not so bad. I'll have to work in one of those booths. Doing what? Selling kisses, that's what. Yipe! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get myself some milk and wash this all down. Get to, will you? I might as well be loaded as the way I am. I'll bring it back to the table. Here's the dime for mine, Mr. Boyden. Well, that's all right. I'll lay it out. All the times, they gotta stand up. Oh, Mr. Boyden, will you come over a moment? Well, Mr. Conklin, well, this is quite a surprise. As a rule, you don't eat here in the cafeteria. I thought I'd live dangerously today. Boyden, I noticed you talking with Miss Brooks and I thought I ought to warn you. If you're entertaining any thoughts of coming over to my house tonight to see her, dismiss them. To your house, sir? Yes, Miss Brooks will be much too busy typing a report for me to engage in any social activities. So that's where she's going to be tonight. Didn't she mention it? With all these robberies lately, I asked her to remain overnight with Harriet, since Mrs. Conklin and I will be away. Well, what do you know about that? What do I know about what? You told me she had a date to go out with a wealthy playboy in a big Cadillac. I've got a good mind to teach her a lesson. By God free, I'll do it. I'm going to drink both glasses of milk. Armist Brooks will return in a moment. Say, did I ever tell you about what happened to my late friend, Roadhog Harry? Roadhog Harry was one of the nicest guys I ever knew off the highway. He was good to his mother, loved his wife and children, never showed up late to work, never watched the clock. Roadhog Harry was a steady performer in every respect. Until he got in behind the wheel of his car. Harry's inhibitions left him in a hurry when he began to drive, or maybe he left them. Roadhog Harry actually believed that every time someone knew bought an automobile, it was just despite him. He drove like that road was his. The peculiar part of it was, for a long, long time, he got away with it. Somehow the police didn't catch up with him. And somehow, even when he crowded the opposing traffic over by crossing the center line, he got away with that. Lived a charmed life, you might say. Until sea day. Crash day, that is. Some fool driver came along who didn't know Roadhog Harry owned the road. And well, it happened fast anyway. Poor old Roadhog Harry. CBS Radio suggests, don't drive like Roadhog Harry. Drive to survive those hot summer weekends. Well, by that evening the babysitter brigade had multiplied. I was babysitting for Harriet Conklin, and Mrs. Davis was babysitting for me. Listen to that wind howling. I'm glad you came over after all, Miss Brooks. It's a great night for a robbery, all right. Now Harriet, we said we weren't going to mention the word robbery again. Just close that window near the piano, and you won't hear the wind. All right. It was nice of you to invite me over too, Harriet. I'd get awfully jittery sitting home alone with my cat Minerva on such a dark gloomy night. I get jittery sitting with Minerva on a sunny day. She just gives me the creep sometimes. Maybe the cat burglars will swipe their namesake. Now Connie, that's no way to talk about Minerva. You know how fond she is of you. Yes, I know. She won't manicure her nails with anybody else's nylons. I read where one of the robbers' latest victims suffered a concussion. And the pictures showed three huge bumps on his head where he'd evidently been blackjacked. Don't be an alarmist, Harriet. For all you know, he was just a tall man who forgot to duck when he went into a pawn shop. Now let's change the subject. Yes, let's discuss something else entirely. Anybody read any good books lately? I just read a corker the other night. What was the name of it? She knifed her mate. Or the way to a man's heart is through his chest. Well, maybe we ought to discuss the robberies again. But if conversation won't help, maybe some good music will. Harriet, suppose you put a few cheerful records on the photograph. Oh, good idea, Miss Brooks. Oh gee, I just remembered. I lent most of my collection to Nellie Miners. All I've got left are those on top of the machine. Well, they're better than nothing. Let's see some of the titles. Oh, here's a dandy one to perk us up. What'd you call, Connie? Slaughter on Tenth Avenue. Maybe the one on the back's more lighthearted. Oh, sure. Murder, he says. Yes, we'd better turn on the radio, Harriet. I'll do it. Trying to determine whether or not broadcasting race results is in the public interest. And now for the local news. Those burglars who have terrorized the residential sections of our city three times during the past week have stepped up their pace tonight. Already two more homes have been robbed. Two more tonight? One of the victims, Mr. George Stewart, a high school principal, was found unconscious in his living room. How could they tell? The police have requested that we broadcast this warning. Keep your home brightly illuminated until bedtime. I repeat, keep some illumination in your home throughout the night. If the phone rings, then there's no one on the other end when you answer it. It may be one of the gang calling to see if your home is empty. Women especially should exercise extreme caution. If you are... Miss Brooks, why did you turn off the radio? Because you two were nervous enough without it. But two more robberies tonight. One of them a principal's house. And did you hear what he said about the phone calls? Well, we haven't had any phone calls. And there's no reason to assume that we will. Even if the telephone should ring, there's no point in getting panicky about it. We'll just cross that bridge when we come to it. Take everything in stride, so does... The Catford! Let's answer that phone, Miss Brooks. But if we don't answer it, Harriet, they'll think there's nobody home. Let them think what they like. The announcer said that women especially must exercise extreme caution. What to do? Nonsense. There's absolutely no reason to get so frightened. After all, it's a... That's funny. Stop ringing. Oh, well. Now let's all calm down and stop being so fearful. One thing we can do is put some more lights on in this room. But they're all on now, Miss Brooks. No, not quite, Harriet. There's a bulb missing in that lamp by the sofa. Well, we've got a bulb for it right here on the bookcase, but Daddy says that's a faulty socket. Well, this is no time to worry about Daddy's faulty socket. I'll just take this bulb, screw it in here like this, and... Ow! The lights. The lights. What happened to the lights? Oh, you must have caused a short circuit. Where's the fuse box, Harriet? In back in the garage. Are you going out there? I am. About nine o'clock tomorrow morning. But we can't leave the house in darkness like this. What the burglars may be here any minute. But I don't know anything about fuse boxes, Harriet. Maybe Mrs. Davis would know how to... By the way, where is Mrs. Davis? Right over here, dear. Under the piano. What are we going to do, Miss Brooks? Don't worry, Harriet. I know exactly what to do. What? Move over. I'm sorry if my phone called disturbed you, Walter, but I've got to know if you've been out with Harriet tonight. No, Mr. Boynton, I haven't been out with her in a week. But aren't you with Miss Brooks tonight? No. She's supposed to type some report at Mr. Conklin's house tonight and stay over with Harriet. Mr. Conklin wanted somebody there because he and his wife are out of town and... Well, if the Conklins are out of town and Miss Brooks is with Harriet, what are we waiting for? Please, Walter, listen. I heard a report on the radio that alarmed me. So I telephoned the Conklin's house to see if everything was all right, but there was no answer. No answer? Well, maybe they all stayed over at Mrs. Davis's tonight. No, I tried that number and it doesn't answer either. Frankly, Walter, I'm worried. Oh, now that you mention it, so am I. Well, just sit tight for now. I'm going over to the Conklins. But how will you get in? Well, I'll get in some way and find out just what's happening one way or another. Well, Darkhouse or No Darkhouse, now that we're ready, we'll give those burglars a warm reception. Are you all set, Mrs. Davis? All set, Harriet. I can swing this waffle iron like a tennis racket. Have you hit anybody with that? It should be loads of fun for the interns. They can play tic-tac-toe on his head. This skillet I've got is no slouch as a weapon either. And I've got the double boiler. It ought to be quiet. I think I saw something move outside this window. Battle stations, everyone, he's coming in. He is in. Okay, girls, pots away. Wait, it's me, Mr. Boynton. Mr. Boynton? I know teachers aren't paid very well, but this is a fine way to pick up a couple of bucks. You don't understand, Miss Brooks. I phoned here, but there wasn't any answer. So I came over to see if you were all right. Now, it wasn't that sweet. I hope we didn't batter you too badly, Mr. Boynton. I'll probably have a few bumps, but I don't think it's... Just a minute. I think there's someone else at the window. Yes, it's a big shadow this time. This must be the real burglar. Now, don't be alarmed, ladies. Thanks, thanks to heaven I'm here to protect you. Okay, girls, pots away. Miss Brooks, will you kindly remove those pointed knees from my chest? This is outrageous. And a man returned to his own home after his car breaks down without being assaulted by one of his teachers. We didn't know it was you, Mr. Conklin. Of course, we didn't doze good. We couldn't see who it was, Daddy. So there are four of you in on it. Miss Brooks, what have you to say? How about a rubber bridge? I'm Miss Brooks, telling you what and perhaps I'll get to this in directed by Larry Burns. This is my after-all, it's by Ganal Lois with the music of Wilbur Hatch. Mr. Conklin was played by Gail Gordon. Others in tonight's cast were Jane Morgan, Dick Crenna, Bob Rockwell, Gloria McMillan, and Joel Samuels. Be sure to be with us next week for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks.