 Now stay tuned for X minus one on NBC. Countdown for Blastoff, X minus five, four, three, two, X minus one, fire. From the far horizons of the unknown come transcribed tales of new dimensions in time and space. These are stories of the future. Adventures in which you'll live in a million could be years on a thousand maybe worlds. The National Broadcasting Company in cooperation with Galaxy's science fiction magazine presents X minus one. Tonight, Clifford D. Simac's story of the 21st century. How-to. Build your own three-dimensional color TV set. Complete kit, screwdriver assembly in three hours. I've done that. Well, let's see. A dog is man's best friend. Build your own dog. Complete kit, spaniel model, only two hundred and fifty dollars. Yeah, hey, that's it. My next project. Button, is that you? Yeah, hi. Where are you? I'm the terrorist. I'm just finishing a landscape. Oh, hi. Yeah. Grace, look, did it come? Don't kiss me. You'll get all full of paint. I wasn't going to. Where is the package? They shed it against the side of the house. Over there, see? Oh, it came. I'm going to look at it. I would have put it down in the basement, but I couldn't lift it. Hey, this is pretty heavy for spaniel. I can't lift this myself. I'll start dinner as soon as I finish this part of the picture. I want to get the grass while the light's right. Yeah, it's all right, so no hurry. I want to examine the kit anyhow. Of course, if you didn't waste our money on things like dog kits, maybe we could afford a robot, and I wouldn't have to cook. Yeah, yeah, all right, all right, all right, all right. There. That should be enough for now. The light's beginning to get tricky. God night! You're not going to open that thing here on the terrace. Now you'll make a mess. I just want to see the parts. You know, this thing's too big and heavy to be a dog kit. Maybe it's a Great Dane. No, no, no. It can't be. Look, here's the shipping tag. From how two kits inked to God night, one dog kit spaniel model, $250 paid in full. A Great Dane costs $350. Well, all I can say is that must be the world's biggest spaniel. Hey, you know, that's darn funny. I told you, I don't want you fooling around with it up here, and I take it down in the basement. Grace, this can't be a dog kit. You know what I think? It's a robot. A robot? But you didn't order a robot. What did you? No, no, certainly not. They made a shipping error. That's about the size of it. Ah, dog gun. I'll have to put this crate back together again and call the express company. Are you going to return it? Well, certainly I'm going to return it. You don't think we can keep it, do you? Why not? The tag says paid in full, so they can't say we owe them anything. But it's a robot. They're expensive. Well, I don't see how the company will ever know. When inventory time comes around, they'll be short one robot and long one dog. Because I've always wanted to put together a real robot. Lord knows when I'd get another chance. Then it's settled. No, no, no, it is not settled either. I'll tell you what, I'll put it together just to see what it's like, but I won't activate it, see? I mean, I'll, you know, disassemble it right away and ship it back to the company. Grace, look at it. Isn't that a beauty, though? You're finished? Well, all but the activating. Grace. What? You know, I was just thinking, how do I know I've got all the parts adjusted properly? I haven't the remotest idea. No, well, you know, I mean, the only sure way would be to test it. You mean activate? Well, only for a minute or two, you understand? I mean, just to be sure. Then what? Well, then I'll disassemble it naturally. Well, all right. As long as you don't take too long. No, no, no, I'll have it in a jiffy. Now here, look, see, all I have to do is just put on the activating plate and turn this lock nut thing like so. Now, wait a minute. Just adjust the automatic current control. Yeah, there now that you do it. Now stand back. Stand back. I'll turn it on. I hope it works. Oh, it'll work. It'll work. I followed the directions to the letter. You ready? Now. Works! Yeah, I'll have to oil that joint. Wait. Grace, it's moving its head. My name is Albert. I am a robot. What is there to do? Well, it certainly has a nice voice. Now, now, now, take it easy, Albert. Just sit down and rest and we'll have a little talk. There's no need to rest. I was made to work. Well, as long as he, uh, it doesn't need to rest, I can think of a hundred things for it to do. Now, there's the house and the garden and the lawn. No, no, no, look, Grace. I wonder if he could learn to cook. A robot can be taught to do anything. A person can do it. No, no, hold on a minute. Albert, please don't listen to me. We can't keep you, you understand? I mean, you were sent here by mistake. But I mean, as long as you're activated, it wouldn't be any harm in letting you do a few things. I can do anything. Good. The whole house needs a thorough cleaning. Grace. Then, of course, I'd like some new drapes for the study. No, no. And the kitchen hasn't been painted for four years. Then there's that leaky faucet. Oh, Lord. Well, what's the matter? Attachments. There aren't any. Look, he can't do all that stuff without attachments. And they cost almost as much as the robot itself. Now, don't worry about attachments. Just tell me what's to be done. Well, you heard my wife. Oh, what about your grounds? Oh, I got a hundred beat up acres that need attention. But of course, I realize that that's too much work, huh? Don't worry about a thing. I can fix it for you. I will make the necessary equipment. Make your own attachment? Don't worry about a thing. Yeah, but how? Oh, for heaven's sake, stop arguing with him and let him get to work. I'm not arguing. Morning, Gordon. Your coffee's ready. Yeah. How'd you sleep, dear? Oh, not so good. I kept hearing noises all night. That was Albert working in the basement. Albert? Hey, gosh, that's right. I forgot robots don't sleep. He was working all night. When I came into the kitchen just now, I found the breakfast all prepared. He can cook. Isn't that wonderful? Yeah, what's he doing now? Oh, I don't know. Making something, I think. Oh, Gordon, he's going to be such a tremendous help to me. I'll be able to spend more time than ever with my paintings. Now, wait a minute. What makes you think we can keep him? I mean, no, no, Grace. I mean, we could get into trouble. Oh, I don't see how. I'll tell you what. Why don't you walk over and call on Anson Lee? He could advise you. What does he know about it? He's a lawyer. Well, technically, he's a lawyer. I mean, never seems to work at it anymore. Well, you have to understand, Anson. That's all. Look, I understand him all right. He's a reactionary, a throwback to the 20th century. Spends all his time lying in a hammock, drinking and reading proofs. Well, it's what he enjoys doing. I'll bet that guy never assembled a kit in his life. Can you imagine that? Well, we all have our peculiarities. Just the same. He could give you legal advice. Well, all right, all right. I'll go over after breakfast if it'll make you feel any happier. Pass the cream. I'll have a drink, Knight. Hard cider. I made it myself. Thought you didn't go in for home projects, Lee. Oh, I don't. Making this cider was the first honest work I've done in years. I don't doubt it. Every time I get a end to work, I look across at your place, and I decide against it. How many rooms have you added to that house since you got it built? Eight. Good Lord. Eight rooms. No, no, no. It's not hard once you get the next. Kind of fun. You just buy a how-to kit. Sure, I know. Just follow directions. That's right. Anybody can build a robot on a kitchen table. Well, no thanks. Why do you say that? What? I mean about building a robot. Oh, I don't know. I suppose I expect you to start building one any time now. You've done everything else. What's got into people these days and nights? They just aren't equipped to enjoy their leisure. That is most of them are. Me? I am. I read. And I lie in a hammock. And now and again, I even think. Yeah. Yes, I guess that makes me an eccentric. Here, have another drink. Oh, no, no, no, thanks. I'll have to get back to my place. Albert, Albert. You call me, sir? Yeah, Albert, listen to me. Albert, I have reached a decision about you. But I'm not Albert, sir. You would hardly expect Albert to be clipping hedges. If you're not Albert, who are you? Abe. Albert is down in the basement. What are you doing here? Where did you come from? If you wish to talk to me, you will have to move along the hedgeway. I cannot stop working. Okay, okay, move along. But where did you come from? Albert made me. Albert made you? And now he's down in the basement working on Alfred. Alfred. Another robot? Certainly. That is what Albert is for. He makes robots. Oh, no. Albert! Oh, there you are. Albert, what's going on here? I'm reproducing. What? I have a built-in mother urge. I don't know why they named me Albert. I should have had a female name. Oh, but you shouldn't be able to make robots. Look, boss, you worry a lot. You want robots, don't you? Well, yeah, I guess everybody could use a robot. I make robots. I'm making all you need. Albert. Albert, put down that head and listen to me. I want to have a serious talk. Sure, boss. What's on your mind? Now, Albert, I just looked through your packing case and I found this tag. It says X, 190. X, Albert. Don't you understand? That means you're an experimental model. That's correct. You were never meant to be sold. That is also correct. I know. Don't you see that means trouble? I can't keep you. I've already taken care of that. How do you mean? I filed off my serial number and replated the surface. Well, why did you do that? So that they can't come around and take me back. They made me and then they got scared and shut me off. But you're not afraid of me. You assembled me and let me go to work. I'm sticking with you, boss. Wait a minute. This could mean a lot of trouble for me, Albert. No trouble? They can't prove a thing. I'll swear that you made me. I'll not let them take me back. They will take no chances next time. They'll break me up for scrap. But look, if you make too many robots. Robots are useful. You need a lot of them in this place. Now don't worry, boss. Everything will work out. I'll take good care of you. Now I must go back to work. Avalbard is nearly finished. Mr. Knight, I'm from the county tax office. Tax assessor. Oh, I didn't know you fellas came around more than once a year. Ordinarily we don't. This is a special case. Made a lot of improvements in the place the past few days. Landscaping, painting, building. I'm afraid I'll have to boost your assessment some. I see. Heard about those robots of yours, too. Robots? Personal property, you know. Have to pay a tax on them. Just how many have you got? Oh, one or two. I've been counting. They move around so fast I can't be sure. But I estimate the number at 38. That right? If you say so. 38 it has been. They cost 10,000 a piece. I'll assess them at five. Let's see. That's $190,000. Oh, no. Hey, that's pretty steep. But I'm going easy on you. By rights I should only allow you a third for depreciation. Well, that's it, Mr. Knight. $190,000. Wait. We'll send you the bill with your quarterly statement. But, good day. Good day. Albert, look. I've been holding off until we got the new landscaping job under control. But I can't hold off any longer, any longer. I mean, we got to start selling some of the robots. Selling? Yeah, 20 of them. That should do for a start. The tax assessor is here. I need the cash. You can't sell the robots, boss. Why can't I? Because they're my family, my boys. Named after me all of them. Albert, I'm sorry. But that's ridiculous. They're all I've got, boss. You wouldn't sell your own children, would you? Well... All their names start with A. Just like mine. Abe, Adelbert, Alfred, Adam, Aaron, Anton, Axon. All right. All right. Don't go through the whole roll call. I mean, the point is I need the money. Don't you worry, boss. I'll fix everything. You have nothing to worry about. The point is, Mr. Knight, the internal revenue department is always interested when a citizen shows a substantial capital gain during the year. Capital gain? I haven't made any capital gain. Oh, come, come, sir. I'm talking about the matter of some 52 robots. Well, as I understand it, their retail value is $10,000 each. So they say. 52 times 10,000 is $520,000. On capital gains, you pay 50% or $260,000. $260,000. Attacks roughly of $130,000. Well, well, well, when... What do I do? By the 15th of next month, you must file a declaration of estimated income. You pay half of the due tax at that time and the balance in monthly installments. Monthly installments. And there's one other matter. One other matter. We investigated. We found you make $10,000 a year. Huh? Would you tell me out of personal curiosity? I understand. I understand. Just how a man of your particular means could show a capital gain of a half a million dollars in so short a time? I'm beginning to wonder myself. Well, our only concern is you pay your tax. Yeah. However, some other branch of the federal government might very well want to ask some questions sometime. Uh-oh. How are you, Mr. Knight? I'll be ready with some answers. Yeah. Good day. Good day. Albert, now look, I tell you, this is a crisis. Do you understand it like it or not? I have got to sell some of your boys a whole bunch of them. Boss, I told you not to worry. Not to worry. Listen, I just came from the income tax people. I owe the government a cool $130,000. And those boys don't fool around. I'm desperate. Money is no trouble, boss. Come here. Come where? Over here. Look at this. What's this? Are those of those of those bails? What have they gotten? Don't tell me. Full of money, boss. Help yourself. I mean, are the actual real money in those bails? Not stage money now. Real money, boss. No ones, of course, but lots of tens and 20s. Yeah. That bail over there is full of 50s. Full of 50s. No, we didn't fool around with the ones. Albert, look me in the eye. Did you make that money? You said you needed it. We took some bills and analyzed the ink. I found out how to weave the paper and made plates. I hate to sound immodest, boss, but they're beautiful. Oh, my gosh, I'm a counterfeiter, too. We just ran off as much as we thought you'd need. Yeah. If it's not enough, we'll make some more. It's enough. Not another dollar. Well, you're the boss. Albert, listen to me. There are laws in this country. I mean, you just can't go out and print money. That's a crime. Don't you understand? Now look, you take it all outside and burn it right up. You understand? And don't print anymore. It's an order. Gordon, are you down here? I'm busy. I hate to disturb you, dear, but I thought you ought to know about the sheriff. I don't want to know the sheriff. He was here with a subpoena, or whatever you call them. What you call them? Seems the how-to company's going to sue us. Oh, no. Oh, no, all right. That does it. Gordon, where are you going? To see my lawyer. Offhand, old man. I'd say you were in quite a jam. I didn't have to walk all the way over here to find that out. The point is, Lee, what in the name of heaven can I do? Well, first, you'll have to file a declaration of estimated income. Even if I can't pay? Well, especially if you can't pay. Technically, then, you haven't violated the law, and all they can do is to try to collect what you owe. They'll probably slap an attachment on your bank account. What bank account? I'm broke. Oh. Well, then I'd say your major worry is the how-to company suit. Now, if I were you, I'd settle it out of court. Out of court? Mm-hmm. They might call off the action if you returned all the robots. Albert says he'll testify that I made him. Well, Albert can't testify. As a robot, he has no standing in court. Oh, you better give them back and get what terms you can. Oh, no, no, no. I won't do it. I won't. Don't you see they don't want Albert back because they can use him. They want to break him up to maintain their robot prices. Don't you see it might be a thousand years before his principle is rediscovered, if it ever is. Would that be bad? I don't know. Only time will tell that. But, I mean, you could say the same thing about any great invention. Look, no, I will not let them destroy Albert. Yes, I see your point, Knight. And I like it. You like it? I'll take the case. Of course, I ought to warn you. I'm not a very good lawyer. I know. I don't work hard enough at it. But I do have a chance, huh? In all my practice at law, Knight, I never saw a man who'd gotten himself as fouled up as this. I'd say your chances are nil. Yeah. Boss? It's Albert. Boss, I heard about the suit. Yeah, it's all right, Albert. Mr. Lee here is going to handle our case. We robots want to help. I'm afraid there's not much you can do. Oh, yes, there is. I'm building a lawyer robot. He's building a lawyer robot. With far greater memory capacity than any human. And with brain computers that operate on logic. That's what law is based on, isn't it? Logic? Oh, so I've heard. Well, it won't work, Albert. To practice law, you must be admitted to the bar. To be admitted to the bar, you must have a degree in law and pass an examination. And although there's never been an occasion to establish a precedent, I suspect the applicant must be human. Lee, Lee, wait a minute. What about law clerks? I mean, they don't have to be human. Well, I'd say that was completely true. Yeah, then Albert's robots can be clerks. Well, it could be. See what I mean? Yes. It's been done, but there's nothing in the law that says it can't be done. Then it's settled. I'll make a dozen to start. Each one will be an expert in one phase of the law. Boss, you're going to have the most powerful battery of legal talent ever assembled under one roof. Quiet in the court. Mr. Lee, what is the meaning of this outrage? What outrage, your honor? Those robots sitting at the defense table. These, your honor, are my valued assistants. Robots? Yes, your honor. Take them away. They have no standing in this court. If your honor will excuse me, they need no standing. I am the sole representative of the defendant. My client is a poor man, and he is opposed by the most formidable array of legal talent money can buy. Now surely the court will not deny him whatever assistance he's been able to muster. This, sir, is highly irregular. If it pleased your honor, I should like to point out that we live in a mechanized age. The court clerk uses a machine to take down the transcript of these very proceedings. To my certain knowledge, no court has ever challenged the presence of such a device as an aid to the furtherance of justice. Now, if your honor can point out anything in the law, specifically barring these robots from the court... That's ridiculous, sir. Of course there is no such provision. At no time anywhere did anyone dream such a contingency would arise. In that case, sir, I ask the court for a favorable ruling. Mr. Lee, as you point out, there is no precedent for my ruling in any way but in your favor. Therefore, sir, with reluctance, I do so at this time. And what kind of a day has it been? It's a day in which a new kind of trial has suddenly captured the imagination of the public. A trial in which a man accused of misappropriating a robot has brought into court a whole battery of robots to aid in his defense. To give validity to their argument, your honor, it must first be proved that these robots are, in fact, the property of the plaintiff. That is the issue at trial in this case. So, in the now famous robot case, the issue has come down to this. Was the robot stolen or was he liberated? It is a far-reaching question indeed. Your honor, I have already established that robots are possessed of free will, that they have the power of reasoning, and that they can most certainly reproduce. As to my worthy opponent's fourth contention, that they have no spiritual sense, I contend that this is irrelevant. There are agnostics and atheists in the human race, and in general, no one has denied them their full rights on this count. And so the trial has at last come to its end. The whole nation, indeed the whole world, awaits the momentous decision which must be handed down. In Washington, D.C., Treasury officials have been meeting steadily for a week to find some way to avoid the loss of the enormous taxes on robots in the event the decision rendered is in favor of the defense. One high government official has said that if robots are declared free and equal, it means they must be given full citizen rights under the Constitution. Already, the chairman of both major political parties are mapping campaigns to corner the robot vote. Well, what's going on here, Grace? I have more trouble getting into my own home than into the Pentagon. Oh, you mean the robots? They've set up a defense perimeter. I... a defense... Uh-huh. Albert. Albert, what is the meaning of all the barbed wire and the rocket launchers? Just precautions, boss. We're ready for any situation. Such as? Oh, like a mob deciding to take justice into its own hands, for instance. Or if the decision goes against us? That too, boss. Dear, you two go on and talk. I've really got to get back to my painting. I have a beautiful still life that I typically got to finish. Yeah, yeah, I finish. Albert, listen. You can't fight the whole world. We won't go back. How two kits incorporated will never lay a hand on me or any of my children. Albert, this is madness. Don't you understand? They'd get you with one bomb and me, too. Better to die fighting, boss, than to live in chains. I don't know. That's our motto. No matter what happens, we are ready for the decision. The court is ready to render its decision. It is the most difficult decision I have ever made. For in following the letter of the law, I fear I may be subverting its spirit. After long days of earnest consideration about the law and the evidence as presented in this court, I find for the defendant, Gordon Knight. I cannot rule otherwise. May I add that this ruling, in spite of the fact that I myself made it, outrages my social conscience. You did it. We're free. Yes, Albert. We sure did it. Where's my wife? In the studio, painting. Not another landscape. Her fifth this week. She's doing very well. Yes. Isn't she? And I am working on a new robot for her. A painter. Soon she won't have to bother doing it herself. That's nice. And you won't have to do anything anymore either, boss. No. Not a thing. We're going to take care of you from here on out. Thanks. Did I tell you about my new children yet? No, I don't think so. Alice, Angeline Agnes, Agatha, Alberta and Abigail. Daughters? Six of them, boss. And all with a built-in reproducing instinct just like mine. Oh, no. They're down in the basement now, turning out robots. Great. We've got everything worked out for you, boss. You won't have to worry about a thing for the rest of your life. No, Albert. Not a thing. You have just heard X minus one presented by the National Broadcasting Company in cooperation with Galaxy Science Fiction magazine, which this month features Name Your Symptom by Jim Harmon, a story of a future in which anyone who shunned the cure needed to have his head examined, assuming he still had one left. Galaxy Magazine on your newsstand today. Tonight by transcription, X minus one has brought you How To, a story from the pages of Galaxy written by Clifford D. Simac and adapted for radio by William Welch. Featured in the cast were Alan Bunce, Anne Seymour, Les Damon, Joseph Bell, James Monks, William Key, Lawson Zerbe, Santas Ortega and Ben Grower. Your announcer, Fred Collins. X minus one was directed by Daniel Sutter and is an NBC radio network production.