 know you like it long get your minds out of the gutter I meant the videos not that other unmentionable cigar so today a short video about rejection and no shashanim I'm not rejecting you just have much to say about it rejection is denied in the American psychological associations online dictionary as denial of love attention interest or approval and antagonistic or discriminatory attitude towards you or a group of people okay first of all we tend to label nowadays labeling is a contemporary sport so everyone labels label themselves and others toxic toxic is a big a big label the name of the game everyone and his dog and his mother-in-law are labeling everyone else as toxic the neighbors the discarded spouses and so on so forth toxic is not the same as difficult and difficult is not the same as complex you could be a very difficult person I am a difficult person for example you could be a complex person and I like to think of myself as complex but you may not be toxic a toxic person is someone whose effects whose impacts on other people are such that they cause them damage harm and hurt a toxic person is someone who breaks other people regresses them reduces their functioning renders them dysfunctional causes them pain intentionally or unintentional many people are toxic and they're not toxic because they're evil they're not toxic because they mean to be toxic the toxicity is not intentional premeditated it's just who they are like a snake it's toxic reviruses contagious you know and so because we tend to label each other today more than ever people are concerned with how they are perceived and with possible rejection everyone is a spectacle everyone is a theater production everyone is a movie in the making a work in progress and everyone via social media and other means is hunting hunting for feedback everyone is defined by an external gaze attention the attention economy attention is the fuel that keeps the engine that keeps the car of modern society going and so when we hunt for other people's input and then use this input to define who we are other people's feedback becomes the determinant of our identity we live through other people's gaze we experience ourselves through their eyes this is really bad and it leads to anxiety because if you're rejected if you're ignored if you can't see yourself in someone's gaze then you don't exist it's an existential threat so people catastrophize and then having catastrophize they act on their own catastrophic scenarios as if these scenarios were facts and not just possible scripts or fears or anxieties so this is the sequence I don't exist unless and until I'm noticed and seen I need to be seen in order to exist I my identity emerges from other people's gaze through other people's gaze their gaze defines me their gaze infuses me with my identity I have to collect this collective view of me these these eyeballs they delineate and demarcate my boundaries within which I exist and subsist so you know social media companies monetize eyeballs we don't monetize eyeballs but we use eyeballs as identity markers we collect eyeballs it's like a hive hive mind of eyeballs which then serves to define us and if you fail in if you fail in this enterprise of attracting a sufficient number of eyeballs to you then this is a catastrophe and that's why people catastrophize and then catastrophizing is about the future it's anticipatory it's predicting a bad outcome but people are so used to magical thinking that whatever happens inside their heads they confuse with reality if you wish something to happen it will happen if you think about something it will occur if you imagine something it will become reality this is magical thinking we are encouraged to think magically you know the secret of this bullshit so when we imagine a catastrophe it becomes instantly a fact a reality the catastrophic scenarios that we conjure up in our tortured minds the scenarios that say you're not you're not you're not going to be seen you're not going to be noticed no one will pay attention to you you're going to be ignored then you will die obscure forgotten these scenarios these catastrophic scenarios are perceived as overwhelming dysregulating terrifying facts these possible scripts become actual and we act as if they were actual to avoid this terror this fear of rejection you need to adopt a specific posture in life throughout life when and with everyone this is who i am this is who i am it's a take it or leave it proposition because it is a take it or leave it proposition some people are going to take it and some people are going to leave it so i'm going to accept anticipate and accept a certain amount of rejection as ineluctable as inevitable being rejected will not kill me will not kill me i may even grow stronger i am or i am and i can't be liked and accepted by everyone say to yourself these three things number one rejection will not kill you repeat after me rejection will not kill me number two they reject you they've rejected you it's their loss not yours their loss each and every one of us is an entire universe rejecting someone is like rejecting the galaxy rejecting a whole world of emotions and memories and cognitions and facts and fun people who reject are stupid so it's their loss not yours number two repeat after me it is the loss of those who rejected me not mine number three not everyone rejects me it's a fact look around some people don't reject you you some people do reject you some people don't reject you sometimes some people difficult people complex people get rejected more often than accepted but there's not a single man alive or woman alive who are rejected universally with no exception none not one so look at those who accept you and ignore those who reject you not everyone rejects you this proves that the rejection has to do with the people who are rejecting you not with you it proves that you are capable of being accepted and liked and even loved so it's being rejected is not something that has to do with you being rejected is something that has to do with those who have rejected you because you can prove easily that other people are other people accept you so it's it's not something in you that causes the rejection of course everything I've just said when I said it's a take it to leave it proposition this is who I am accept me as I am or go away etc etc certain amount of rejection is never everything I just said is not a license to harm other people to hurt other people you need to avoid harming other people or hurting other people it's the only rule but if you don't harm other people if you don't hurt other people if you're just difficult or complex or just you being you then the hell with rejection life is too short to spend any time or resources or energy on haters and crazies and mad jobs out there just blow on ignore them the vast majority of them are anyhow not worthy of your time attention thoughts or any other kind of resource rejection is about the rejector the person who rejects it's never ever about you remember that next time you're inevitably rejected